i 


THE  LIBRARY  OF  THE 

UNIVERSITY  OF 

NORTH  CAROLINA 


THE  COLLECTION  OF 
NORTH  CAROLINIANA 

ENDOVi  ED  BY 

JOHN  SPRUNT  HILL 
CLASS  OF  1889 


CB 
Jl3s9.1 


UNIVERSITY  OF  N.C.  AT  CHAPEL  HILL 


I         00031717107 

FOR  USE  ONLY  IN 
THE  NORTH  CAROLINA  COLLECTION 


Farm  No.  A-368 


i^e 


O    — 


JSIY 


THIKTY   YEAKS 


OUT  OF  THj:  SENATE. 


BY 

MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING, 


ILLUSTRATED 

WITH   SIXTY-FOUR   ORIGINAL   AND    CHARACTERISTIC   ENGRAVrNOS  ON   WOOD. 


NEW  YORK: 

OAKSMITH    &    COMPANY, 

112  AND  114  William  Street, 

1859 


Entered,  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  Clerk's  office  of  the  District 
Court  of  the  Southern  District  of  New- York,  by  Seba  Smith. 


OAKSMTTH  &  CO.  WEEKS  &  CO. 

Printers  and  Stereo-typora.  •  Binders. 


PREFACE 


In  January,  1830,  the  first  Downing  Letter  ever  written  appeared  in  the 
Daily  Courier,  published  in  Portland,  Maine.  This  paper  had  just  been 
started  by  the  author,  and  was  the  first  daily  paper  published  in  the  country 
north  or  east  of  Boston.  The  Courier  was  started  as  an  independent  paper, 
devoted  to  no  political  party — a  position  for  a  paper  in  those  days  likely  to 
command  but  small  support.  The  Maine  Legislature  met  in  Portland  on  the 
first  of  January,  and  the  two  political  parties  were  so  evenly  balanced,  and 
partizan  feeUug  ran  so  high,  that  it  was  six  weeks  before  they  got  fairly  or- 
ganized and  proceeded  with  the  business  of  legislation.  The  political  papers 
were  hot  and  furious,  and  there  was  no  small  excitement  throughout  the 
State,  which  even  spread  in  a  considerable  degree  to  other  portions  of  the 
country. 

At  this  juncture  of  aftairs,  the  author  of  these  papers,  wishing  to  show  the 
ridiculous  position  of  the  legislature  in  its  true  light,  and  also,  by-sefaething 
aut  of  the  common  track  of  newspaper  writing,  to  give  increased  interest  and 
popularity  to  his  little  daily  paper,  bethought  himself  of  the  plan  to  bring  a 
green,  unsophisticated  lad  from  the  country  into  town  with  a  load  of  axe- 
handles,  hoop  poles,  and  other  notions,  for  sale,  and  while  waiting  the  move- 
ments of  a  dull  market,  let  him  blunder  into  the  halls  of  the  legislature,  and 
after  witnessing  for  some  days  their  strange  doings,  sit  down  and  write  an 
account  of  them  to  his  friends  at  home  in  his  own  plain  language.^  The  plan 
was  successful  almost  beyond  parallel.  The  first  letter  made  so  strong  a 
mark  that  others  had  to  follow  as  a  matter  of  course.  The  whole  town  read 
them  and  laughed ;  the  politicians  themselves  read  them,  and  their  wrathful, 


?/7 


6  PREFACE. 

fire-eating  visages  relaxed  to  a  broad  grin.  The  Boston  papers  copied  them, 
aud  all  Boston  tittered  over  them.  The  series  was  inaugurated  and  must  go 
on.  The  letters  continued  from  time  to  time,  and  spread  over  the  whole 
country,  and  were  universally  read. 

The  name  of  Downing  was  entirely  original  with  the  author,  who  had  never 
heard  or  seen  the  name  before,  and  did  not  then  even  know  that  there  was  a 
Downing  street  in  London,  or  an  oyster  dealer  by  that  name  in  New  York. 
In  a  year  or  two  the  letters  became  national  in  their  character,  and  young 
Mr.  Downing  repaired  to  Washington,  where  he  became  the  right  hand  man 
and  confidential  adviser  of  President  Jackson.  The  author  continued  the 
letters  in  the  Portland  Courier  for  seven  years,  when  he  sold  that  paper  and 
removed  to  New  York.  After  an  interval  of  a  few  years  he  resumed  the 
series  again,  publishing  the  letters  in  the  National  Intelligencer  at  Washing- 
ton, and  continuing  them  till  near  the  close  of  the  administration  of  President 
Pierce. 

Thus  these  papers,  begun  and  continued  partly  for  emolument,  partly  for 
amusement,  and  partly  from  a  desire  to  exert  a  salutary  influence  upon  pub- 
lic affairs  and  the  politics  of  the  country,  have  grown  up  to  their  present  con- 
dition. \  In  presenting  them  in  this  collected  form,  with  original  illustrations, 
to  render  them  more  attractive,  the  author  could  not  let  them  go  out  into 
the  world  to  make  new  acquaintances,  and  possibly  down  to  posterity  to 
Help  furnish  political  lessons  to  "  Young  America  "  for  generations  yet  to 
come,  without  a  careful  retrospection  to  consider  their  whole  moral  and 
political  character  and  influence.     For  should  they  contain 

''  One  line  which,  dying,  he  could  wish  to  blot," 
he  would  certainly  wish  to  blot  it  now.      But,  beUeving  the  work  will  be 
harmless,  and,  he  hopes,  salutary,  he  leaves  it  to  his  countrymen,  praying 
for  Heaven's  blessing  on  our  whole  common  country, 

SEBA    SMITH. 

New  York,  February,  1859. 


CONTENTS. 


Publisher's  Preface, 

Major  Downing's  Sketch  of  his  Early  Life, 


DOCKYMENTS. 


LETTERS    AND 
Lettbr.  *. 

1.  His  First  Visit  to  Portland, 

2.  He  Visits  the  Legislature 

3.  Uncle  Joshua  goes  to  Boston,    .        .        .        , 

4.  Cousin  Nabby  Writes  to  Mr.  Downing,      *    . 

5.  A  Dreadful  Snarl  in  the  Maine  Legislature, 

6.  "Both  Legislaters  split  right  in  tu," 

7.  Affairs  take  a  more  favorable  turn,       .    *  , 

8.  Mrs.  Downing  urges  him  to  come  home, 
The  Wheels  of  Government  Trigged, 
The  Legislature  "ripping  up  their  duins," 
"Queer  Duins"  in  the  Senate,    .        .        .        , 
Setting  Up  a  Candidate  for  Office,      .    '    . 
The  Legislature  and  Elder  Hall  go  home,    , 
Mr.  Downing  talked  of  for  Governor,  . 
Uncle  Joshua's  Great  Skill  in  Politics, 
Gives  an  opinion  about  Newspapers, 
DOCKYMEKT—Grand  Caucus  at  Downingville, 
Portland  Town-Meeting— How  the  Votes  stood 
How  the  Votes  stood  in  Downingville,    .        .  ' 
Mr.  Downing  determines  to  go  to  Washington 
Talks  with  the  Boston  Editors  on  his  way,   .' 
Interview  with  Major  Noah  at  New- York,  . 
Mr.  Downing's  Heroic  Defense  of  Mr.  Lxgham, 
Receives  a  Captain's  Commission  from  the  President 
Drafting  the  Militia  in  Downingville,     . 
His  First  Military  Report  to  the  President,' 
How  the  "Legislaters  Swallowed  the  Healing* Act 
Opposes  the  sale  of  Madawaska  to  the  British 
A  Confidential  Talk  with  the  President,        .     ' 
Runs  an  Express  from  Baltimore  to  Washington 
Receives  a  Major's  Commission  to  put  down  the  Nullifiers 
iHE  President  s  Proclamation  and  the  Federalists 
The  Downingville  Militia  arrive  at  Washington     ' 
The  effects  of  Nullification  illustrated.  .  ' 
Politics  in  Maine— Political  Promises,     .  '          *        ' 
Listening   for  Nullification  Guns  in  South  Carolina 


10. 
11. 

12. 
13. 
U. 
15. 
16. 

17. 
18. 
19. 
20. 
21. 
22. 
23. 
24. 
25. 
26. 
27. 
28. 
29. 
30. 
31. 
32. 
33. 
34. 
35. 


Page. 
10 
14 


36 

41 

46 

61 

63 

67 

68 

69 

71 

75 

78 

82 

84 

86 

88 

92 

95 

102 

105 

106 

109 

113 

119 

127 

134 

148 

152 

169 

164 

168 

173 

177 

180 

183 

189 

191 


C0XTKNT3. 


The  science  of  Laxd  Specula-tiox  elucidated,         .        .        .        .192 
Mr.  Clay  puts  a  stopper  on  Nullification,  ....        194 

Whether  Old  Hickory  should  shake  hands  with  the  Federalists,  207 


The  President  assaulted  by  Lieut.  Randolph, 

The  Major  shakes  hands  for  the  President,  . 

Narrow  Escape  at  Castle  Garden  Bridge,   .... 

The  Presidential  Party  Visit  Boston,      .... 

They  turn  a  short  corner  at  Concord,  N.  H.,    . 

Great  Fuss  in  Downingville  because  the  President  didn't 

DOCKVMKNT — The  Major  Nominated  for  President, 

Making  Old  Hickory  a  Doctor  of  Laws 

Quarrel  between  the  Major  and  Mr.  Van  Buren, 

How  the  old  Democrats  aRe  put  over  on  the  Federal  side 

About  me  and  Daniel  Webster, 

Daniel  and  I,  and  Old  Hickory, 

The  Major  prevents  a  bobbery  in  the  Senate  Chamber,    . 

DOCK.Yl»IE!MT— A  Gap  in  History, 

President  Polk  travels  with  the  Major 

nocKYWEivr — From  the  National  Intelligencer,     . 

The  President  and  the  Major  in  the  State  op  Maine, 

Mr.  Ritchie's  endless  fight  with  the  Federalists, 

i>ocK.Yi«it'ii«T_MR.  Ritchie's  Coi^'terblast, 

The  Major  pours  oil  on  Mr.  Ritchie's  wounds. 

The  Major's  First  Dispatches  from  Mexico, 

The  Major's  Annexation  Dream  in  Mexico,  '    . 

Private  Dispatch  and  Good  Advice  to  the  President, 

The  Major's  Interview  with  General  Scott  and  Mr.  Trist 

General  Scott  Courtmartialed  in  Mexico,    .... 

DOCK.YWKIVT— Battle  IN  the  Courtmartial, 

Race  for  the  Presidency — Old  Zack  ahead. 

Writing  by  Telegraph— The  Tide  turns  for  Old  Zack, 

Curious  Navigation  of  Salt  River, 

Kind  Advice  to  Mr.  Ritchie, 

The  High  Fence  on  Mason  and  Dixon's  Line,      « 
A  Family  Talk  about  Political  Parties,         ... 
The  new  Downingville  Political  Platform, 
Friendly  Epistle  to  Governor  Kossuth,  .... 

Great  Convention  in  Downingville, 

Adjourned  Meeting — Great  Speeches, 

The  Great  Presidential  TUGt  at  Baltimore, 

Downingville  Ratification— Torchlight  Procession 

Sargent  Joel  Hurrahs  for  Gen.  Scott, 

Pierce  Elected — Joel  turns  his  tune, 

Private  Advice  to  the  new    President, 

The  Major's  Visit  to  the  Fishing  Smacks, 

The  Major's  Mission  to  Europe,      .... 

Congress  at  Ostend — Soule,  Sickles  and  Saunders, 

The  Schooner  Two  Follies  scudding  round  Cuba, 

The  Two  Follies  Bombarding  the  Moro,  . 

The  Two  Follies  at  Anchor, 

A  Postscript 


200 
205 
208 
212 
214 
215 
220 
221 
225 
232 
234 
238 
242 
246 
248 
254 
255 
260 
267 
260 
272 
278 
285 
290 
298 
802 
305 
309 
315 
321 
324 
335 
341 
349 
357 
365 
376 
383 
391 
398 
401 
404 
413 
419 
426 
436 
447 
457 


PUBLISHERS'    PREFACE 


It  has  been  asserted,  upon  no  less  authority  than  the  immortal  Sam  Patch, 
*'  that  some  things  can  be  done  as  well  as  others."  The  veteran  politician, 
Colonel  Thomas  H.  Benton,  has  given  to  his  countrymen  a  comprehensive  and 
very  valuable  work  entitled :  "  Thirty  Yeaes  in  the  United  States 
Senate  ;  Or,  A  History  of  the  Working  of  the  American  Government  for 
Thirty  Years,"  &c. 

Now,  that  other  veteran  politician.  Major  Jack  Downing,  who  declares  pos- 
itively that  there  is  an  outside  as  well  as  an  inside  to  everything,  has  prepared 
to  lay  before  his  countrymen  his  comprehensive  and  valuable  work  entitled  : 
"  Thirty  Years  *  Out  '  op  the  United  States  Senate  ;  Or,  A  History  of 
the  Working  of  American  Politicians  for  Thirty  Years,"  &c- 

Major  Downing  has  been  publishing  this  work  for  a  couple  of  years  in 
Emerson's  Magazine  and  Putnam's  Monthly  ;  because,  as  he  said,  the  work 
itself  being  of  a  strictly  national  character,  he  felt  bound  to  select  the  most 
elevated  and  respectable  channel  for  communicating  it  to  the  public.  In 
commencing  the  preparation  of  his  ''  Thirty  Years"  for  publication,  tke 
Major  said  he  would  go  clear  back  to  his  childhood,  and  give  some  account 
of  his  "  ancestral  posterity;"  so  far  back  as  his  old  grandfather,  Mr.  Zebe- 
dee  Downing,  one  of  the  early  pioneers  into  the  primeval  *'  forests  of  Down 
East."  He  didn't  know  as  he  should  make  his  work  quite  as  long  as  Mr. 
Benton's  two  great  big  "  vollums,"  but  he  would  try  to  make  it  quite  as  in- 
teresting. He  said  he  shouldn't  interfere  or  encroach  at  all  on  Colonel  Ben- 
ton's ground.  The  Colonel's  work  was  to  show  the  working  of  the  American 
Government  for  thirty  years,  and  his  work  was  to  show  the  working  of  Amer- 
ican politicians  for  thirty  years.  And,  besides,  the  Colonel's  stand-point  was 
inside,  the  Senate,  and  his  stand-point  was  outside  the  Senate.  So  he  didn't  see 
as  they  ever  need  to  clash,  for  in  the  workings  of  governments  and  politi- 
cians the  last  thing  in  the  world  to  be  apprehended  was  a  clash  between  the 
ins  and  the  outs. 

Finally,  we  have  made  a  satisfactory  arrangement  with  the  Major  to  pro- 
duce his  great  work,  his  Thirty  Years  out  of  the  Senate.  It  contains  the 
whole  batch  of  the  Major's  Letters  and  other  ''  dockyments,"  from  the  year 
1 


10  publishers'  preface. 

1830,  when  he  first  struck  out  into  public  life,  up  to  the  present  time.  It 
will  show  the  vrorkings  of  politicians  in  the  State  of  Maine  in  1830.  when 
"the  wheels  of  Government  got  trig'd,"  and  they  had  "  such  a  tussle  to  get 
'em  agoing.-'  It  will  then  show  how  Mr.  Downing  went  to  Washington,  and 
became  '•  Gineral  Jackson's  right  hand  man;"  and  how  he  helped  the  old  Gin- 
eral  through  with  his  fight  against  "  Biddle's  Bank,"  and  how  he  settled  the 
Madawaska  Boundary  difiBculty,  -and  how  he  put  down  and  crushed  out 
South  Carolina  Nullification.  These  letters  and  "  dockyments"  will  show  the 
workings  ot  Politicians  during  the  Mexican  War,  and  how  the  Major  helped 
President  Polk  along  through  those  troublesome  times  ;  and  bow  he  and  Mr. 
Trist  went  to  Mexico,  and  held  General  Scott  and  General  Taylor  in  check, 
and  wouldn't  let  them  run  away  with  President  Polk's  thunder.  They  will 
show,  also,  how  General  Scott  wasn't  elected  President,  and  bow  General 
Pierce  was.  They  will  describe  the  hard  tug  there  was  at  Baltimore  to  get 
General  Pierce  nominated,  and  how  at  last  the  nomination  was  ratified  at 
Downingville,  and  so  secured  his  election.  They  will  show  bow  the  Major 
and  Mr.  Buchanan  and  Mr.  Souley  got  up  that  Ostend  Convention,  and  laid 
the  plan  and  made  the  agreement  to  "  take  Cuba  if  we  have  the  power;"  and 
how  the  Major  fitted  out  a  naval  expedition  in  the  schooner  Two  Pollies,  and 
cruised  about  several  months  to  effect  that  object.  In  short,  the  letters  and 
other  "  dockyments'-'  will  show  more  things  than  you  can  shake  a  stick  at, 
and  of  course  more  than  can  be  alluded  to  here. 

But  besides  the  valuable  political  and  historical  information,  interesting 
to  the  old  and  instructive  to  the  young,  that  will  be  found  embodied  in  this 
great  work  of  Major  Downing,  there  is  another  important  reason  why  it 
should  be  given  to  the  public,  and  why  the  publishers  take  pride  and  pleasure 
in  presenting  the  work  in  a  dress  and  with  embellishments  worthy  of  the  sub- 
ject—and that  is.  the  universally  admitted  fact,  that  the  writings  of  the  gen- 
uine original  Major  Downing  present  the  best  and  truest  expositibn^of  the 
peculiar  Yankee  dialect  of  the  Anglo-Saxon  language  that  there  is  extant. 
It  may  not  be  amiss  to  quote  a  few  authorities  in  support  of  this  opinion.  A 
portion  of  the  earlier  part  of  this  series  of  letters  was  published  more  than 
twenty  years  ago  in  a  .small  volume  in  Boston,  by  Lilly,  Waite  &  Co.  On 
that  occasion  the  late  Major  Noah,  for  many  years  known  as  an  able  and 
leading  journalist  in  New-York,  spoke  of  the  book  as  follows,  in  his  Evening 
Star: 

"  The  Letters,  which  have  obtained  a  circulation  and  celebrity  more  ex- 
tended, perhaps,  than  any  production  that  ever  issued  from  the  American 
press,  are  written  with  all  the  quaint  simplicity  of  the  style  of  Fielding,  and 
abound  in  passages  of  infinite  drollery  and  exquisite  humor." 

Robert  Walsh,  at  that  time,  and  for  many  years  previous,  editor  of  the 


PUBLISHEKS'    PREFACE.  11 

National  Gazette,  at  Philadelphia,  certainly  one  of  the  ablest  journalists  our 
country  has  produced,  and  the  first  American  writer  who  compelled  the 
English  critics  to  respect  American  criticism,  made  the  following  remarks  in 
his  Gazette,  in  which  he  alludes  to  imitators  who  had  unjustifiably  adopted 
the  Major's  signature  in  writing  in  the  newspapers : 

"  It  has  been  the  fate  of  all  successful  authors  to  have  counterfeits,  who 
deal  with  their  originals,  as  Hamlet  says  that  some  players  imitate  nature. 
The  Rabelais,  the  Swifts,  the  Voltairs,  suffered  in  their  day  by  the  produc- 
tions of  interlopers  of  the  sort.  Mere  bunglers  attempted  to  personate  them, 
and  confounded  the  less  discriminating  or  critical  part  of  the  reading  public. 
Major  Jack  Downing  has  paid  in  like  manner  the  penalty  of  genius  and  popu- 
larity ;  and  he  has  complained  of  the  hardship  and  injustice  in  a  character- 
istic vein.  We  humbly  advise  him  to  write  over  the  whole  story  of  President 
Jackson's  late  expedition.  It  might  confidently  be  predicted  that  a  full  nar- 
rative from  his  pen,  duly  authenticated,  would  obtain  as  much  vogue  in  these 
United  States  as  did  Fetex  Plymley's  Letters  in  Great  Britain." 

The  old  New  York  Mirror,  March  23,  1839,  speaking  of  some  of  the 
writings  of  Major  Downing,  said  : 

"  These  are  the  most  graphic  and  really  the  best  Yankee  papers  we  have 
ever  seen,  or  ever  expect  to  see,  let  who  will  write  them," 

The  New  York  Courier  and  Enquirer,  July  3,  1839,  in  speaking  of  the 
writings  of  the  Major,  used  the  following  language  : 

"There  is  no  doubt  that  the  author  is  the  best  painter  of  Yankee  peculiarities 
that  ever  wrote.  He  is  true  to  nature  and  never  caricatures,  but  without  cari- 
caturing is  most  amusing." 

The  same  paper,  February  27,  1814,  referring  to  Major  Downing's  Letters, 
said  : 

"Those  letters  were  written  in  the  true  and  genuine  spirit  of  Yankeedom, 
and  were  clothed  in  the  real  vernacular  of  the  land.  Some  of  them  deserve 
a  much  higher  and  more  lasting  reputation  than  seems  to  have  awaited 
them ;  though  we  are  very  much  mistaken  if  they  do  not  hereafter  take 
the  place  they  so  eminently  merit.  They  ought  to  be  considered  standard 
exhibitions  of  New  Enaland  peculiarities  of  style,  feeling  and  sentiment  at 
the  time,  and  be  cherished  as  authentic  mementoes  of  the  pilgrim  opinions 
and  pilgrim  dialects  of  the  generation  in  which  they  appeared." 

The  same  leading  New  York  journal,  July  16,  1845,  again  referring  to  the 
author  of  these  letters,  said  : 

"  He  is,  in  point  of  fact,  the  only  writer  who  has  ever  been  entirely  suc- 
cessful in  the  genuine  dialect  of  Yankee  land." 


12  publishers'  preface. 

It  becomes  therefore,  a  matter  of  general  interest  in  the  history  of  the 
literature  of  the  country,  as  well  as  of  its  politics  and  *'  the  workings  of 
politicians,"  that  these  papers  should  be  preserved  in  an  authentic  form  and 
attractive  dress,  corresponding  in  some  degree  with  their  intrinsic  merits.  To 
accomplish  this  important  object  the  publishers  have  determined  to  spare  no 
pains  in  their  power  to  bestow.  The  Major's  heart  is  very  much  given  to  the 
work,  and  he  will  superintend  the  management  of  the  whole  business* 
•'  picters"  and  all.  For  that  purpose  he  has  determined  to  let  the  "  Two 
Follies"  lay  off  and  on,  or  make  short  cruises  under  the  command  of  Captain 
Jumper  and  Sargent  Joel,  while  he  devotes  "himself  to  the  preparation  of  his 
"  Thirty  Tears'  View "  for  the  press.  We  should  explain  what  some  of  our 
readers,  perhaps,  may  not  recollect,  that  Sargent  Joel  Downing  has  command 
of  the  military  force  on  board  of  the  Two  Follies,  consisting  mainly  of  the 
Downingville  militia,  who  were  embarked  on  board  in  1855,  for  the  purpose 
of  taking  Cuba.  The  Major  will  not  allow  them  to  be  disbanded  or  return 
to  Downingville,  for  he  says  there  is  no  knowing  but  what  Mr.  Buchanan  may 
want  their  services  before  he  gets  through  his  Administration  ;  and  he  never 
did  leave  a  friend  in  the  lurch  yet,  and,  therefore,  he  shan't  turn  his  back  on 
Mr.  Buchanan. 

With  these  preliminary  remarks  and  explanations,  we  will  let  the  Major  go 
Btraight  ahead  and  tell  his  own  story  in  his  own  way. 


SKETCH  OF*  MY  EARLY  LIFE. 

IN  WHICH  I  TELL  COXSIDERABLE  MORE  ABOUT  MY  GRANDFATHER  THAN  I 
DO  ABOUT  MYSELF. 

When  we  read  about  great  men,  we  always  want  to  know 
something  about  the  place  where  they  live  ;  therefore  I  shall 
begin  my  history  with  a  short  account  of  Downingville,  the 
place  where  I  was  born  and  brought  up. 

Downingville  is  a  snug,  tidy  sort  of  a  village,  situated  in  a 
valley  about  two  miles  long,  and  a  mile  and  a  half  wide, 
scooped  out  between  two  large  rugged  hills  that  lie  to  the 
east  and  west,  having  a  thick  forest  of  trees  to  the  north,  and 
a  clear  pond  of  water,  with  a  sandy  beach,  to  the  south.  It 
is  about  three  miles  from  the  main  road,  as  you  go  back  into 
the  country,  and  is  jest  about  in  the  middle  of  Down  East.  It 
contains  by  this  time  a  pretty  considerable  number  of  inhab- 
itants, though  my  grandfather  Downing  was  the  first  person 
that  settled  there,  jest  after  he  got  back  from  sogering  in  the 
Revolutionary  war.  It  has  a  school-house  and  a  tavern,  and 
a  minister,  and  a  doctor,  and  a  blacksmith,  and  a  shoe-maker, 
and  folks  that  work  at  most  all  sorts  of  trades.  They  haven't 
got  any  meeting  house  up  yet,  but  the  school-house  is  pretty 
large,  and  does  very  well  to  hold  meetins  in,  and  they  have 


14  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

meetins  very  regular  every  Sunday — the  men  filling  up  all  the 
seats  on  one  side  of  the  school-house  and  the  women  on  the 
other. 

They  haven't  got  any  lawyer  in  Downingville.  There  was 
one  come  once  and  sot  out  to  settle  there,  and  hired  a  room 
and  put  a  sign  up  over  the  door  with  his  name  on  it,  and  the 
word  "  office"  in  great  large  letters,  so  big  you  could  read  'em 
clear  across  the  road.  A  meeting  of  the  inhabitants  was 
called  at  the  school-house  the  next  day,  and  after  chawing 
the  matter  over  awhile  it  was  unanimously  agreed  if  the  man 
wanted  an  office  he  should  go  somewhere  else  for  it,  for  as  for 
having  an  office-seeker  in  Downingville  they  never  would. 
So  they  voted  that  he  should  leave  the  town  in  twenty-four 
hours,  or  they  would  take  him  down  to  the  pond  and  duck 
him,  and  ride  him  out  of  town  on  a  rail.  A  committee  of 
twenty  of  the  stoutest  men  in  Downingville  was  appointed  to 
carry  the  message  to  him,  at  which  he  prudently  took  the 
hint,  and  packed  up  and  cleared  out  that  afternoon.  All  the 
quarrels,  and  disputes  and  law-cases  are  always  left  out  to 
Uncle  Joshua  Downing,  and  he  settles  them  all,  by  and  large, 
at  two  shillings  a  piece,  except  when  they  have  come  to 
blows,  and  then  he  charges  two  and  sixpence  a  piece. 

As  I  said  afore,  my  grandfather,  old  Mr.  Zebedee  Downing, 
was  the  first  settler  in  Downingville.  Bless  his  old  heart, 
he's  living  yet  [1834],  and,  although  he  is  eight3^-six  years 
old,  he  attended  a  public  caucus  for  the  good  of  his  countr}'- 
about  two  years  ago,  and  made  a  speech,  when  I  was  nomi- 
nated for  Governor  of  the  State  of  Maine. 

As  it  is  the  fashion,  in  writing  the  lives  of  great  folks,  to 
go  back  and  tell  something  about  their  posterity,  I  spose  I 


OUT  OF  THE  SENATE. 


15 


ought  to  give  some  account  of  my  good  old  grandfather,  for 
he  was   a  true  patriot,  aud  as   strong  a  republican  as  ever 
Uncle  Joshua  was.     He  was  born  somewhere  in  the   old  Bay 
State,  away  back  of  Boston,  and  when  the  Revolutionary  war 
come  on  he  went  a  sogeriug.     Many  and  many  a  time,  when  I 
was  a  little  boy,  I've  sot  in  the  corner  till  most  midnight  to 
hear  him  tell  over  his  going  through  the  fatigue  of  Burgicine. 
If  one  of  the  neighbors  came  in  to  chat  awhile  in  an  evening, 
my  grandfather  was  always  sure  to  go  through  the  fatigue  of 
Burgwine  ;  and  if  a  stranger  was  traveling  through  Downiug- 
ville  and  stopped  at  my  grandfather's  in  a  warm  afternoon  to 
get  a  glass  of  water,  it  was  ten  chances  to  one  if  he  could 
get  away  till  my  grandfather  had  been  through  the  whole 
story  of  the  fatigue  of  Burgwine.     He  used  to  tell  it  the  best 
to  old  Mr.  Johnson,  who  used  to  come  in  regularly  about  once 
a  week  to  spend  an  evening  and  drink  a  mug  of  my  grand- 
father's cider.     And  he  would  set  so  patiently  and  hear  my 
grandfather  through  from   beginning  to  end,   that  I  never 
could  tell  which  took  the  most  comfort,  Mr.  Johnson  in  drink- 
ing the  cider,  or  my  grandfather  in  going  through  the  fatigue 
of  Burgwine.     After  Mr.  Johnson  had  taken   aboHt  two  or 
three  drinks,  he  would  smack  his  lips  and  say,  "  I  guess,  Mr. 
Downing,  you  would  have  been  glad  to  get  such  a  mug  of 
cider  as  this  in  the  battle  cf  Burgwine." 

"  Why,  yes,"  said  my  grandfather,  "  or  when  we  was  on  the 
march  from  Cambridge  to  Peekskill  either,  or  from  Peekskill 
to  Albany,  or  from  Albany  to  Saratogue,  where  we  went 
through  the  fatigue  of  Burgwine.  Old  Schuyler  was  our  gin- 
eral,"  said  my  grandfather,  bracing  himself  back  in  his  chair, 
"  and  he  turned  out  to  be  a  traitor,  and  was  sent  for  to  go  to 


16  MY  THIRTY  YEARS 

Gineral  Washington  to  be  court-martialed.  Then  Gineral 
Gates  was  sent  to  us  to  take  command,  and  he  was  a  most 
capital  officer,  every  inch  of  him.  He  had  his  cocked  hat  on, 
and  his  regimentals,  and  his  furbelows  on  his  shoulders,  and 
he  looked  nobly,"  said  my  grandfather.  "  I  can  see  him  now, 
as  plain  as  if  'twas  yesterday.  He  wore  a  plaguey  great  stub 
cue,  as  big  as  my  wrist,  sticking  out  at  the  back  of  his  neck 
as  straight  as  a  handspike.  We'l,  when  Gates  came  we  were 
all  reviewed,  and  everything  was  put  in  complete  order,  and 
he  led  us  on,  ye  see,  to  take  Burgwine.  By  daylight  in  the 
morning  we  were  called  out  by  the  sound  of  the  drum,  and 
drawn  up  in  regiments,  and  the  word  was,  '  on  your  posts, 
march.'  And  there  we  stood,  marching  on  our  posts  without 
moving  forward  an  inch  ;  heads  up,  looking  to  the  right.  We 
didn't  dare  to  move  an  eye,  or  hardly  to  wink. 

"  By  and  by  along  comes  the  old  Gineral  to  inspect  us,  riding 
along  so  stately,  and  that  old  stub  cue  sticking  out  behind  his 
head  so  straight,  it  seems  as  though  I  can  see  him  now,  right 
here  before  me.  And  then  he  addressed  us,  like  a  father  talk- 
ing to  his  children.  'Fellow  soldiers,'  says  he,  '  this  day  we 
are  going  to  try  the  strength  of  Burgwine's  forces.  Now  let 
every  man  keep  a  stiff  upper  lip,  go  forward  boldly  and  at- 
tack them  with  courage,  and  you've  nothing  to  fear.'  0,  he 
addressed  us  completely;  and  then  we  marched  off  to  meet 
the  inemy.  By  and  by  we  begun  to  hear  the  balls  whizzing 
over  our  heads,  and  the  inemy's  guns  begun  to  roar  like  thun- 
der. I  felt  terribly  for  a  minute  or  two,  but  we  kept  march- 
ing up,  marching  up,"  said  my  grandfather,  rising  and  march- 
ing across  the  floor,  "  for  we  had  orders  not  to  fire  a  gun  till 
we  got  up  so  near  we  could  almost  reach  them  with  our  bag- 


OUT  OF  THE  SENATE. 


IT 


onuts;  and  there  was  a  hundred  drums  all  in  a  bunch,  rattling 
enough  to  craze  a  nation,  and  the  fifes  and  the  bugles,"  con- 
tinued my  grandfather,  still  marching  across  the  floor,  "  went 
tudle,  tudle,  tudle,  tudle.  0,  I  can  hear  that  very  tune  ring- 
ing in  my  ears  now  as  plain  as  if  'twas  yesterday,  and  I 
never  shall  forget  it  to  my  dying  day.  When  we  got  up  bo 
near  the  inemy  that  we  could  fairly  see  the  white  of  their 
eyes,  the  word  was  *  halt,' "  said  my  grandfather,   suddenly 


THE  FATIGUE  OF  BURGWINE- 


1* 


18  MY  THIRTY  YEARS 

halting  in  the  middle  of  the  floor,  and  sticking  his  head  back 
as  straight  as  a  soldier,  "  'make  ready;'  'twas  did  in  a  mo- 
ment," continued  my  grandfather,  throwing  his  staff  up 
against  his  shoulder;  "  '  take  aim;'  'twas  did  in  a  moment,'^ 
fetching  his  staff  down  straight  before  his  eyes;  "  '  fire!'  then, 
0  marcy,  what  a  roarl"  said  my  grandfather,  striking  his  staff 
down  upon  the  floor,  ''  and  such  a  smother  and  smoke  you 
couldn't  hardly  see  your  hand  afore  you.  Well,  in  an  instant 
the  word  was,  '  prime  and  load,'  and  as  fast  as  we  fired  we 
fell  back  in  the  rear  to  let  others  come  up  and  take  their  turn; 
so  by  the  time  we  were  loaded  we  were  in  front  and  ready  to 
fire  again,  for  we  kept  marching  all  the  time,''  said  my  grand- 
father, beginning  to  march  again  across  the  floor.  "  But  the 
inemy  stood  their  ground,  and  kept  pouring  in  upon  us  tre- 
mendously, and  we  kept  marching  up  and  firing,  marching  up 
and  firing,  but  didn't  gain  forward  an  inch.  I  felt  streaked 
enough,  for  the  balls  were  whistling  over  our  heads,  and 
sometimes  a  man  would  drop  down  on  one  side  of  me,  and 
sometimes  on  'tother;  but  it  wouldn't  do  for  us  to  flinch  a  hair; 
we  must  march  up  and  fire,  and  wheel  to  the  right  and  left, 
and  keep  it  going.  By  and  by  the  word  was,  '  advance 
column,'  then,  heavens  and  earth,  how  light  I  felt,"  said  my 
grandfather,  quickening  his  march  across  the  floor.  "  I  knew 
in  a  moment  the  inemy  was  retreating,  and  it  seemed  to  me 
I  could  have  jumped  over  the  moon.  Well,  we  marched  for- 
ward, but  still  kept  firing,  and  presently  we  begun  to  come 
on  to  the  inemy's  ground;  and  then,  0  marcy!  such  a  sight  I 
never  see  before  and  never  want  to  again — stepping  over  the 
dead  bodies,  and  the  poor  wounded  wretches  wallowing  in 
their  blood,  mangled  all  to  pieces,  and  such  screeches  and 


OUT  OF  THE  SENATE.  19 

groans,  some  crying  out,  '  don't  kill  me,'  *  don't  kill  me,'  and 
others  begging  us  to  kill  'em  to  put  'em  out  of  misery.  0,  it 
was  enough  to  melt  the  very  heart  of  a  stonel"  said  my  grand- 
father, wiping  the  tears  from  his  eyes. 

"But  they  needn't  have  been  afraid  of  being  hurt,  for  our 
Gineral  was  one  of  the  best  men  that  ever  lived.  He  had  the 
carts  brought  up  immediately,  and  all  the  poor  wounded  souls 
carried  off  as  fast  as  possible  where  they  could  be  taken  good 
care  of.  He  wouldn't  let  one  of  'em  be  hurt  any  more  than  he 
would  one  of  his  own  men.  But  it  was  a  dreadful  hot  battle  ; 
we  fit  and  skirmished  all  the  afternoon  and  took  a  good  many 
prisoners,  and  some  cannon  and  ammunition.  When  it  came 
night  the  inemy  retreated  to  their  fortifications,  and  we  camped 
all  night  on  the  ground  with  our  guns  in  our  hands,  ready  at 
a  moment's  warning  to  pitch  battle  again.  As  soon  as  it  was 
daylight  we  were  all  mustered  and  paraded  again,  and  round 
come  the  old  Gineral  to  see  how  we  looked.  He  held  his  head 
up  like  a  soldier,  and  the  old  stub  cue  stuck  out  as  straight  as 
ever.  I  can  see  it  now  as  plain  as  I  can  see  my  staff,"  said  my 
grandfather.  "  And  0,  my  stars,  how  he  addressed  us  ;  it  made 
our  hearts  jump  to  hear  him.  '  Fellow-soldiers,'  says  he,  '  this 
day  we  shall  make  Burgwine  tremble.  If  you  are  only  as 
brave  as  you  were  yesterday  we  shall  have  him  and  all  his 
army  before  night.'  But  Burgwine  had  slipped  away  in  the 
night,  and  got  into  a  place  stronger  fortified.  But  he  couldn't 
get  away  ;  he  was  hemmed  in  all  round  ;  so  we  got  him  be- 
fore it  was  over.  We  were  five  or  six  days  skirmishing  about 
it  ;  but  I  can't  tell  you  all,  nor  a  quarter  part  on't." 

"  But  how  was  it  you  took  Burgwine  at  last  ?"  said  Mr. 
Johnson,  taking  another  drink  of  cider.     "  0,  he  had  to  give 


20  MY  THIRTY  YEAES 

it  up  at  last,"  said  my  grandfather.  "  After  we  had  skir- 
mished a  day  or  two  longei,  Giiieral  Gates  sent  word  to  Bur- 
gwine  that  if  he  had  a  mind  to  march  his  army  back  into 
Canada,  and  leave  everything  this  side  unmolested,  he'd  let 
him  go  peaceably.  But  Burgwine  wouldn't  accept  it  ;  he 
sent  word  back  that  *  he  was  going  to  winter  with  his  troops 
in  Boston.'  Well,  after  we  had  skirmished  round  two  or  three 
days  longer,  and  Burgwine  got  into  such  close  quarters  that 
he  couldn't  get  away  any  how,  he  sent  word  to  Gineral  Gates 
that  he'd  accept  the  offer  and  march  back  to  Canada  ;  but 
Gates  sent  word  back  to  him  again,  '  You  said  you  meant  to 
winter  in  Boston,  and  I  mean  to  make  you  as  good  as  your 
word.'  At  last  Burgwine  see  it  was  no  use  for  him  to  hold 
out  any  longer,  so  he  give  all  his  men  up  prisoners  of  war. 
Then  we  were  all  paraded  in  lines  a  little  ways  apart  to  see 
them  surrender.  And  they  marched  out,  and  marched  along 
towards  us  ;  and  it  was  a  most  noble  sight  to  see  them  all 
dressed  out  in  their  regimentals  and  their  bagonuts  glisten- 
ing in  the  sun  enough  to  dazzle  anybody's  eyes.  And  they 
marched  fclong  and  stacked  their  arms,  and  marched  through 
between  our  lines  looking  homesick  enough.  I  guess  we  felt 
as  well  as  they  did,  if  our  clothes  wan't  so  good." 

Mr.  Johnson  handed  me  the  mug  and  told  me  to  run  and  get 
another  mug  of  cider  ;  for  before  my  grandfather  could  get 
through  the  fatigue  of  Burgwine,  Mr.  Johnson  would  most 
always  get  to  the  bottom  of  the  mug.  When  I  brought  in  the 
second  mug,  Mr.  Johnson  took  another  sip  and  smacked  his 
lips,  and  says  he  : 

"  Mr.  Downing,  I  should  like  to  drink  a  toast  with  you  ;  so 
here's  health  and  prosperity  to  the  apple  trees  of  Downing- 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  21 

ville.     Mr.  Downing,  what  will  you  drink  to  us  I"  said  he, 
handing  the  mug  to  my  grandfather. 

"  Why  I  don't  keer  about  any  cider,"  said  my  grandfather, 
(for  he  is  a  very  temperate  man,  and  so  are  all  the  Dowuings 
remarkably  temperate,)  "  but  I  will  jest  drink  a  little  to  the 
memory  of  the  greatest  and  the  bravest  Gineral  that  this 
world  ever  see  yet  ;  so  here's  my  respects  to  old  Gineral 
Gates'  stub  cue." 

By  this  time,  my  grandfather  having  poured  out  of  him  the 
whole  fatigue  of  Burgwine,  and  Mr.  Johnson  having  poured 
into  him  about  three  pints  of  cider,  they  would  both  of  them 
feel  pretty  considerably  relieved,  and  Mr.  Johnson  would  bid 
us  good  night  and  go  home. 

I  take  it  that  it  was  hearing  these  stories  of  my  grand- 
father's bravery  told  over  so  often  in  my  younger  days,  that 
made  me  such  a  military  character  as  to  induce  the  President 
to  appoint  me  to  the  command  at  Madawaska,  and  also  to  go 
to  South  Carolina  to  put  down  the  Nullifiers.  But  I'm  getting 
a  little  before  my  story,  for  I  haven't  got  through  with  my' 
grandfather  yet,  and  my  father  comes  before  I  do,  too.  As  I 
said  afore,  my  grandfather  was  the  first  settler  in  Downing- 
ville.  ^  When  he  got  through  sogering  in  the  Revolutionary 
War,  he  took  a  notion  he'd  go  and  pick  him  out  a  good  lot  of 
land  away  Down  East  to  settle  on,  where  there  was  land 
enough  to  be  had  jest  for  whistling  for  it,  and  where  his  boys 
would  have  a  chance  to  do  something  in  the  world.  So  he 
took  grandmother  and  the  two  boys — for  father  and  uncle 
Joshua  were  all  the  boys  he  had  then,  and  packed  them  into  a 
horse  waggon,  and  took  an  axe,  and  a  hoe,  and  a  shovel,  and 
some  victuals,  and  a  bed-tick  to  put  some  straw  in,  and  a  gun 


22  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

and  some  blankets  and  one  thing  another,  and  started  off 
down  East.  He  drove  away  into  Maine  till  he  got  clear  to 
the  end  of  the  road,  and  then  he  picked  his  way  along  through 
the  woods  and  round  the  pond  five  miles  further,  till  he  got  to 
the  very  spot  where  Downingville  now  is,  and  there  he  stopt 
and  baited  his  horse,  and  while  grandmother  and  the  boys  sot 
down  and  took  a  bit  of  a  luncheon,  grandfather  went  away  up 
top  of  one  of  the  hills  to  take  a  view  of  the  country.  And 
when  he  come  down  again  says  he,  "  I  guess  we  may  as  well 
ontackle,  for  I  don't  believe  we  shall  find  a  better  place  if  we 
travel  all  Summer."  So  he  ontackled  the  old  horse,  and  took 
the  waggon  and  turned  it  over  against  a  great  oak  tree,  and 
put  some  bushes  up  around  it,  and  made  a  pretty  comfortable 
sort  of  a  house  for  'em  to  sleep  in  a  few  nights,  and  then  he 
took  his  axe  and  slashed  away  among  the  trees.  But  that  old 
oak  never  was  cut  down  ;  it's  the  very  same  one  that  stands 
out  a  little  ways  in  front  of  grandfather's  house  now.  And 
poor  grandmother  as  long  as  she  lived  always  made  a  practice 
once  a  year,  when  the  day  come  round  that  they  first  camped 
under  the  old  oak,  to  have  the  table  carried  out  and  set  under 
the  tree  ;  and  all  hands,  children  and  grandchildren,  had  to 
go  and  eat  supper  there,  and  the  good  old  lady  always  used 
to  tell  over  the  whole  story  how  she  slept  eight  nights  under 
the  waggon,  and  how  they  were  the  sweetest  nights'  rest  she. 
ever  had. 

Well,  grandfather,  he  smashed  away  among  the  trees,  and 
he  soon  had  half  a  dozen  acres  of  'em  sprawling,  and  while 
they  were  drying  in  the  sun  he  went  to  work  and  built  him  a 
snug  little  log  house,  and  made  two  stools  to  set  on,  one  for 
him  and  one  for  grandmother,  and  a  couple  of  blocks  for  the 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE. 


23 


grandmother's  annual  dinner. 
boys.  He  made  a  stone  fire-place  in  one  corner  of  the  house, 
and  left  a  hole  in  one  corner  of  the  roof  for  the  smoke  to  go 
out,  and  he  got  it  all  fixed  as  nice  as  a  new  pin,  and  then  they 
moved  into  it;  and  IVe  heard  grandmother  say  more  than  a 
hundred  times  that  she  believed  she  took  more  comfort  in  that 
log  house  than  ever  a  queen  took  in  a  palace. 

When  the  leaves  and  the  twigs  of  the  trees  that  grand- 
father had  cut  down  had  got  considerable  dry  in  the  sun,  he 
went  out  one  warm  clear  afternoon  and  sot  fire  to  'em.  The 
wind  was  blowing  a  considerable  of  a  breeze  from  the  south- 


24  MY   THIRTY    YEABS 

ward,  and  the  fire  spread  almost  as  fast  as  a  norse  could  run. 
Grandmother  used  to  say  it  was  the  grandest  sight  she  ever 
see,  to  see  them  are  six  acres  of  trees  all  in  a  light  flame  at 
once,  and  the  fire  streaming  up  as  high  as  the  tallest  pines, 
sometimes  in  a  broad  red  sheet,  and  sometimes  in  narrow 
strips  that  went  up  rolling  and  bending  like  ten  thousand 
fiery  dragons'  tongues.  After  the  fire  had  gone  through  it, 
grandfather  went  to  work  to  clear  it  up.  He  picked  up  the 
limbs  and  bits  that  were  left,  and  threw  'em  in  heaps  and  sot 
fire  to  ^em  again,  and  he  laid  sticks  across  the  large  logs  that 
were  too  heavy  to  move,  and  niggered  them  ofi"  with  fire,  and 
then  rolled  them  up  in  piles  and  sot  fire  to  'em  again  and 
burnt  'em  all  up  smack  smooth.  Then  he  went  to  work  and 
planted  the  ground  all  over  to  corn,  and  potatoes,  and  pun- 
kins,  and  beans,  and  squashes — and  round  near  the  house  he 
planted  water-millions  and  mush-millions,  and  cowcumbers, 
and  beats,  and  carrots,  and  turnips;  and  grandmother  carried 
out  a  whole  apron  full  of  seeds  of  all  kinds  of  'arbs  that  ever 
grew  in  old  Massachusetts,  and  sowed  'em  round,  and  they 
come  up  as  thick  as  hops. 

After  this,  the  family  of  old  Mr.  Zebedee  Downing  always 
lived  like  heroes  and  never  knew  what  it  was  to  be  in  want. 
They  had  ten  children,  and  a  smart,  likely  set  of  boys  and 
gals  they  were  too,  and  they  all  lived  to  grow  up,  and  were 
all  married  and  well-to-do  in  the  world.  Father,  whose  name 
was  Solomon,  was  the  oldest  boy,  and  as  they  grew  up,  the 
hardest  of  the  work  naturally  fell  upon  him,  and  as  grand- 
father begun  to  get  along  considerable  in  years,  father  had  to 
take  the  principal  care  of  the  farm.  So  that  he  was  always 
called  a  hard-working  boy  and  a  hard-working  man.     He  had 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  25 

a  quiet,  peaceable  disposition,  and  was  never  known  to 
quarrel  with  anybody,  and  scarcely  ever  to  speak  a  ha'sh 
word. 

Uncle  Joshua  was  the  next  oldest,  and  he  was  as  different 
from  father  as  a  toad  wants  a  tail.  He  was  a  clear  shirk, 
and  never  would  work  if  he  could  help  it.  But  he  was 
always  good-natared,  and  full  of  his  pranks,  and  kept  his 
clack  agoing  the  whole  day  long  ;  so  that  the  boys  used  to 
like  him,  and  whenever  they  wanted  to  have  any  frolic  or  fun 
they  always  used  to  go  to  him  to  take  the  lead.  As  he  grew 
up  he  took  to  reading  considerable,  and  after  they  begun  to 
have  newspapers  at  Downingville  he  was  a  master-hand  to 
read  newspapers  and  talk  politics,  and  by  the  time  he  was 
twenty-five  years  old  he  knew  more  about  politics  than  any 
other  man  in  Downingville.  When  he  was  thirty  years  old 
he  was  chosen  Moderator  of  the  town  meeting,  and  has  been 
chosen  to  that  office  every  year  since.  He's  been  a  Squire  a 
good  many  years,  and  has  held  most  all  the  offices  in  town, 
one  after  another,  and  is  on  the  whole  considered  the  foremost 
man  in  Downingville.  He  is  now  Postmaster  of  the  United 
States  for  Downingville,  an  office  which  I  was  the  means  of 
helping  him  to  by  my  acquaintance  with  the  President.  But 
it's  time  to  begin  to  tell  about  myself. 

Mother  always  said  I  was  the  smartest  baby  that  she  ever 
see.  I  don't  speak  of  this  by  way  of  bragging,  but  as  I  am 
writing  a  history  to  go  before  the  world,  Pm  bound  to  be  im- 
partial. She  says  before  I  was  a  week  old  I  showed  that  I 
was  real  grit,  and  could  kick  and  scream  two  hours  upon  the 
stretch,  and  not  seem  to  be  the  least  bit  tired  ttiat  ever  was. 
But  I   don't  remember    anything   about  this.     The   first    I 


26 


MY    THIRTY   YEARS 


remember,  I  found  myself  one  cold  November  day,  when  I 
was  about  six  years  old,  bareheaded  and  barefoot,  sliding  on 
the  ice.  It  had  been  a  snapping  cold  night,  and  all  the  boys 
in  the  neighborhood,  and  most  all  the  gals  turned  out  and  had 
a  fine  frolic  that  day,  sliding  and  running  on  the  pond.  Most 
of  the  larger  boys  had  shoes,  but  we  little  fellers  that  wan't 
big  enough  to  wear  shoes  had  to  tuff  it  out  as  well  as  we 
could.  I  carried  a  great  pine  chip  in  my  hand,  and  when  my 
feet  got  so  cold  I  couldn't  stand  it  no  longer,  I'd  put  the  chip 
down  and  stand  on  that  a  little  while  and  warm  'em,  and 
then  at  it  to  sliding  again. 


w# 


WARMING  HIS  FEET. 

When  I  got  to  oe  considerable  of  a  boy  I  used  to  have  to 
work  with  father  on  the  farm.     But  it  always  seemed  to  go 


OUT  OF  THE  SENATE.  21 

rather  against  my  grain,  and  father  used  to  say  that  I  didn't 
love  work  a  bit  better  than  Uncle  Joshua  did,  without  he'd 
give  me  my  stent,  and  then  he  said  I  would  spring  to  it  and 
get  it  done  by  noon,  and  go  off  round  the  pond  in  the  afternoon 
fishing  or  hunting  musquash.  I  think  I  took  the  most  comfort 
in  catching  musquash  of  anything  I  used  to  do.  There  was  a 
good  deal  of  pleasure  in  catching  pickerel — to  take  a  long 
fishing  pole  and  line,  and  go  down  to  the  pond  in  the  morn- 
ing, and  stand  on  a  log  whose  top  limbs  run  away  off  into  the 
water,  and  throw  the  hook  off  and  bob  it  about  on  the  top  of 
the  water,  and  see  a  great  pickerel  jump  and  catch  it,  and 
wait  a  minute  or  two  for  him  to  get  it  well  into  his  mouth, 
and  then  pull  him  ashore,  kicking  and  jumping  and  flouncing 
— this  was  most  capital  fun,  but  it  wan't  quite  equal  to  mus- 
quashing.  I  had  a  little  steel  trap,  and  I  used  to  go  down  at 
night  to  the  bank  of  a  brook  that  run  into  the  pond,  and  set 
the  trap  on  the  bank  just  under  water,  and  fasten  it  by  a  line 
to  a  stake  or  a  tree,  and  put  a  bit  of  a  parsnip  on  a  stick  and 
place  it  over  the  trap  a  little  above  tlie  water,  and  then  go 
home  and  sleep  as  well  as  I  could  for  dreaming  of  musquash- 
es, and  as  soon  as  it  was  cleverly  light  in  the  morning,  go 
down  to  the  pond  and  creep  along  where  the  trap  was  sot, 
with  my  heart  in  my  mouth,  wondering  if  it  was  sprung  or 
no,  and  come  along  to  the  stake  and  see  no  trap,  but  the  line 
drawn  straight  out  into  the  water,  then  take  hold  of  the  line 
and  draw  up  the  trap,  and  see  it  rising  up  through  the  water 
fast  hold  of  a  great,  plump  musquash,  as  dead  as  a  drowned 
rat,  and  full  of  fur  as  a  beaver  ;  this  was  fun  alive  ;  it  made 
me  feel  as  nicely  as  though  I  was  hauling  up  a  bucket  of  dol- 
lars.    The  summer  I  was  fourteen  years  old  I  catched  enough 


28  MY  THIRTY  YEARS 

to  buy  me  a  fur  hat  and  a  pair  of  shoes,  and  a  new  jacket  and 

trousers  ;  and  enough  to  buy  me  a  pretty  good  new  suit  ot 
clothes  almost  every  summer  after  that  till  I  was  twenty. 

We  used  to  have  a  school  in  Downingville  about  three 
months  in  the  Winter  season  and  two  months  in  the  Summer, 
and  I  went  to  the  Winter  school  three  Winters,  from  the  time 
I  was  twelve  till  I  was  fifteen.  And  I  was  called  about  the 
best  scholar  of  my  age  that  there  was  in  school.  But  to  be 
impartial,  I  must  confess  the  praise  didn't  always  belong  to 
me,  for  I  used  sometimes  to  work  headwork  a  little  in  order 
to  get  the  name  of  being  a  smart  scholar.  One  instance  of 
it  was  in  reading.  I  got  along  in  reading  so  well,  that  the 
master  said  I  read  better  than  some  of  the  boys  that  were 
considerable  older  than  I,  and  that  had  been  to  school  a  dozen 
Winters.  But  the  way  I  managed  it  was  this.  There  was 
cousin  Obediah  was  the  best  reader  there  was  in  school,  and 
as  clever  a  boy  as  one  in  a  thousand,  only  his  father  hadn't 
got  no  orchard.  So  I  used  to  carry  a  great  apple  to  school  in 
my  pocket  every  day  und  give  to  him  to  get  him  to  set  behind 
me  when  I  was  reading,  where  he  could  peak  into  my  book, 
and  when  I  come  to  a  hard  word,  have  him  whisper  it  to  me, 
and  then  I  read  it  out  loud.  Well,  one  day  I  was  reading 
along  so,  pretty  glib,  and  at  last  I  come  to  a  pesky  great 
long  crooked  word,  that  I  couldn't  make  head  nor  tail  to  it. 
So  I  waited  for  Obediah.  But  it  proved  to  be  a  match  for 
Obediah.  He  peaked,  and  squinted,  and  choked,  and  I  was 
catching  my  breath  and  waiting  for  him  to  speak  ;  and  at 
last  he  found  he  could  do  nothing  with  it,  and  says  he  "  skip 
it."  The  moment  I  heard  the  sound  I  bawled  out,  skip  it. 
"  What's  that  ?"  said  the  master,  looking  at  me  as  queer  as 


OUT    OF   THE   SENATE.  29 

th«,tigh  he  had  catched  a  weazel  asleep.  I  stopt  and  looked 
at  the  word  again,  and  poked  my  tongue  out,  and  waited  for 
Obediah.  Well,  Obediah  give  me  a  hunch,  and  whispered 
again,  "  skip  it."  Then  I  bawled  out  again,  skip  it.  At  that 
the  master  and  about  one-half  the  scholars  yaw-hawed  right 
out.  I  couldn't  stand  that;  and  I  dropt  the  book  and 
streaked  it  out  of  school,  and  pulled  foot  for  home  as  fast  as 
I  could  go,  and  I  never  showed  my  head  in  school  again  from 
that  day  to  this.  But  for  all  that,  I  made  out  to  pick  up  a 
pretty  good  education.  I  got  so  I  could  read  and  spell  like  a 
fox,  and  could  cypher  as  far  as  the  rule  of  three.  And  when 
I  got  to  be  about  twenty  years  old,  I  was  strongly  talked  of 
one  Winter  for  schoolmaster.  But  as  a  good  many  of  the 
same  boys  and  gals  would  go  to  me,  that  were  in  the  school 
when  I  read  "  skip  it,^  I  didn't  dare  to  venture  it  for  fear 
there  would  be  a  sort  of  a  snickering  among  'em  whenever 
any  of  them  come  to  a  hard  word. 

So  I  jogged  along  with  father  on  the  farm.  But  let  me  be 
doing  what  I  would,  whether  it  was  hoeing  potatoes,  or  pitch- 
ing hay,  or  making  stone  wall,  or  junking  and  piling  logs, 
I  never  could  feel  exactly  easy.  Something  seemed  to  keep 
ringing  in  my  ears  all  the  time,  and  saying  I  was  made  to  do 
something  in  the  world  besides  this.  And  an  old  woman  that 
come  along  and  told  fortunes,  when  she  come  to  tell  mine  said 
that  wherever  I  should  go  and  whatever  I  should  undertake 
to  do,  I  should  always  get  to  the  top  of  the  ladder.  Well, 
this  made  me  keep  a  thinking  so  much  the  harder,  and  won- 
dering what  I  should  be  in  the  world,  and  although  I  used  to 
stick  to  my  work  as  steady  as  any  of  the  boys,  yet  I  used  to 
feel  as  uneasy  as  a  fish  out  of  water.     But  what  made  me 


30 


ilT    THIRTY   YEARS 


think  most  about  it  was  father.  He  always  used  to  stand  to 
it  I  was  smarter  than  common  boys,  and  used  to  tell  motlier 
she  might  depend  upon  it,  if  I  lived  and  nothing  didn't 
happen  to  me,  I  should  some  day  or  other  raise  the  name  of 
the  Downings  higher  than  it  ever  had  been  yet. 

At  last  father  dreampt  a  dream,  that  put  the  cap-stone  upon 
the  whole  of  it  He  dreampt  that  I  was  out  in  the  field  hoe- 
ing potatoes,  and  he  stood  leaning  over  his  staff,  as  he  very 
often  used  to  do,  looking  at  me.     By  and  by  he  said  I  stopped 


^.  i',^/jL    '^^.^^^ 


MY    FATHER  S    DREAM. 


OUT  OF  THE  SENATE.  31 

hoeing,  and  stood  up  and  leaned  my  chin  on  my  hoe-handle, 
and  seemed  to  look  np  toward  the  sky  ;  and  he  said  I  looked 
as  calm  as  the  moon  in  a  cle-r  Summer  night.  Presently  my 
hat  began  to  rise  up  gradually  and  dropped  off  on  the  ground, 
but  I  stood  still.  Then  he  said  the  top  of  my  head  began  to 
open,  and  a  curious  green  plant  began  to  sprout  up  out  of  it. 
And  it  grew  up  about  two  feet,  and  sent  out  ever  so  many 
young  branches  with  broad  green  leaves,  and  then  the  little 
buds  began  to  open  and  roll  out  great  clusters  of  the  most 
beautiful  bright  flowers,  one  above  another,  that  ever  he  see 
in  all  his  life.  He  watched  'em  till  they  all  got  blowed  out 
into  a  great  round  bunch,  as  big  as  a  bushel  basket,  and  then 
he  waked  up,  and  he  felt  so  he  got  right  out  of  bed  and 
walked  the  floor  till  morning.  And  when  we  all  got  up  he  sot 
down  and  told  the  dream  over  to  me  and  mother.  Mother  sot 
with  her  pocket-handkerchief  wiping  the  tears  out  of  her  eyes 
all  the  time  he  was  telling  of  it ;  and  I  felt  as  though  my 
blood  was  running  cold  all  over  me.  But  from  that  time  I 
always  felt  sure  the  time  would  come  when  Downingville 
wouldn't  be  big  enough  to  hold  me,  and  that  I  should  do 
something  or  other  in  the  world  that  would  be  worth  telling 
of;  but  what  it  would  be  I  couldn't  think. 

Well,  I  kept  jogging  along  on  the  farm  after  the  same  old 
sort,  year  after  year,  so  long,  and  there  didn't  nothing  happen 
to  me,  that  sometimes  I  almost  begun  to  give  it  up,  and 
think,  sure  enough,  it  was  all  nothing  but  a  dream.  Still  I 
keot  having  spells  that  I  felt  terribly  uneasy,  and  was 
tempted  forty  times  to  pack  up  and  go  and  seek  my  fortune. 
I  might  tell  a  good  deal  more  about  my  life,  and  my  uncles 
aftd  aunts  and  cousins,  and  the  rest  of  the  neighbors,  but  1 


32  MY   THIRTY   YEARS 

begin  to  feel  a  most  tired  of  writing  my  life,  and  I  believe  I 
shall  have  to  serve  it  pretty  much  as  I  planted  my  water- 
million  seeds  ;  and  that  was  this  :  When  I  was  about  six  or 
seven  years  old  our  folks  give  me  a  pint  of  watermillion  seeds 
and  told  me  to  go  out  into  the  field  and  plant  'em  for  myself, 
and  I  might  have  all  I  could  raise.  So  off  I  goes,  tickled 
enough.  And  I  went  to  work  and  punched  little  holes  down 
in  the  ground  and  put  in  one  seed  to  time  along  in  a  row, 
three  or  four  inches  apart,  .till  I  got  about  half  the  seeds 
planted.  It  was  rather  a  warm  afternoon,  and  I  began  to 
feel  a  little  tired,  so  I  took  and  dug  a  hole  and  poured  the 
rest  of  the  seeds  all  in  together,  and  covered  'em  up,  and 
went  into  the  house.  Well,  mother  asked  me  if  I  planted  my 
seeds.  "  Yes,  mam,"  says  I.  "  What,  all  of  'em  ?"  says  she. 
"  Yes,  mam,"  says  I.  "  But  you've  been  very  spry,"  says 
she,  "  how  did  you  get  them  done  so  quick  ?"  "  0,"  says  I, 
"  easy  enough  ;  I  planted  'em  in  a  hill  and  a  rowT  And  when 
they  begun  to  come  up  they  found  'em  in  a  hill  and  a  row, 
sure  enough.  So  I  believe  I  shall  have  to  pour  the  rest  of  my 
life  into  a  hill  and  let  it  go. 

To  come,  then,  right  to  the  pint — I  don't  mean  the  pint  of 
watermillion  seeds,  but  the  pint  in  my  life  which  seemed  to  be 
the  turning  pint.  In  the  Fall  of  the  year  1829,  I  took  it  into 
my  head  I'd  go  to  Portland.  So  one  day  I  up  and  told  father, 
and  says  I,  "  I'm  going  to  Portland,  whether  or  no,  and  I'll 
see  what  this  world's  made  of  yet."  Father  stared  a  little  at 
first,  and  said  he  was  afraid  I  should  get  lost  ;  but  when  he 
see  I  was  bent  upon  it  he  give  it  up,  and  he  stepped  to  his 
chist  and  opened  the  till,  and  took  out  a  dollar  and  give  it  to 
me,  and  says  he,  "  Jack,  this  is  all  I  can  do  for  you  ;  but  go, 


OUT  OF  THE  SENATE. 


33 


and  lead  an  honest  life,  and  I  believe  I  shall  hear  good  of  you 
yet."  He  turned  and  walked  across  the  room,  but  I  could  see 
the  tears  start  into  his  eyes,  and  mother  sot  down  and  had  a 
hearty  crying  spell.  This  made  me  feel  rather  bad  for  a 
minute  or  two,  and  I  almost  had  a  mind  to  give  it  up  ;  and 
then  again  father's  dream  came  into  my  mind,  and  I  mustered 
up  courage  and  declared  I'd  go.  So  1  tackled  up  the  old 
horse,  and  packed  in  a  load  of  ax-handles  and  a  few  notions, 
and  mother  fried  me  some  doughnuts  and  put  ^em  into  a  box 
along  with  some  cheese  and  sassages,  and  ropped  me  up 
another  shirt,  for  I  told  her  I  didn't  know  how  long  I  should 
be  gone  ;  and  after  I  got  all  rigged  out  I  went  round  and  bid 
all  the  neighbors  good  bye,  and  jumped  in  and  drove  off  for 
Portland. 


ON   THE    ROAD    TO    PORTLAND. 

I  hadn't  been  in  Portland  long  before  I  happened  to  blunder 

into  the  Legislator  ;  and  I  believe  that  was  the  beginning  of 

2 


34  MY  THIItTY  YEARS 

my  good  luck.  I  see  such  queer  kincLs  of  carrying'  on  there 
that  I  couldn't  help  setting  down  and  writing  to  cousin 
Ephraim  to  tell  uncle  Joshua  about  it  ;  because  he  always 
wanted  to  know  everything  that's  going  on  in  Politics.  So  I 
went  to  the  editor  of  the  Portland  Courier  and  asked  him  if  he 
would  send  it.  So  I  let  him  have  it,  and  fact,  he  went  right 
to  work  and  printed  it  in  the  Courier  as  large  as  life.  He 
said  he  wouldn't  let  anybody  else  see  it  but  cousin  Ephraim  ; 
but  somehow  or  other  it  leaked  out,  and  was  all  over  the 
Legislator  the  next  morning,  and  everybody  was  inquiring 
for  Mr.  Downing.  Well,  this  kind  of  got  me  right  into  public 
life  at  once  ;  and  Pve  been  in  public  life  ever  since,  and  have 
been  waiting  letters  and  rising  up  along  gradually,  one  step 
after  another,  till  Pve  got  up  along  side  of  the  President,  and 
am  talked  of  now  pretty  strong  for  President  myself,  and 
have  been  nominated  in  a  good  many  of  the  first  papers  of 
the  country. 

My  public  life  will  be  found  in  my  letters,  one  after  another, 
jest  as  they  come,  from  the  time  I  first  sent  that  letter  in  the 
Portland  Courier  to  cousin  Ephraim  till  this  time. 

MAJOPv  JACK  DOWNING. 

Portland,  Me.,  18-34. 

POSTSCmPT  TO   MY  LIFE. 

It  will  be  seen  by  the  date  above  that  I  wrote  this  little 
history  of  m.y  life  twenty  odd  years  ago.  It  was  the  time  the 
Boston  folks  published  a  little  vollum  of  my  first  Letters,  and 
the  Life  was  writ  to  head  the  vollum  v>nth.  But  Pve  seen  a 
great  deal  more  of  the  v/orld  since  then,  and  have  writ  a 
.great  many  more  Letters,  and  ecen  a  great  deal  more  of  the 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  35 

workings  of  American  Politiciaus.  And  tliey'll  all  have  to 
come  into  my  Thirty  Years'  View.  But  there'll  be  a  kind  of 
gap  near  the  close  of  Gineral  Jackson's  time,  and  for  awhile 
after,  because  a  lot  of  my  letters,  written  at  that  time,  was 
lost  in  a  fire  some  years  afterward,  and  I  don't  suppose  I  can 
now  find  the  papers  they  was  published  in.  But  I  will  bridge 
over  the  gap  as  well  as  I  can,  and  there'll  be  a  pretty  long 
road  to  travel  both  sides  of  it.  And  this  reminds  me  how 
strange  the  parallel  runs  between  me  and  Colonel  Benton  ; 
for  he  lost  a  lot  of  his  letters  and  speeches  and  dockyments  by 
fire,  and  had  a  good  deal  of  a  hard  job  to  go  over  the  ground 
again  in  getting  up  his  work.  But  I  and  Colonel  Benton  are 
hard  to  beat.  We  generally  go  ahead,  let  what  will  stand  in 
the  way. 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 
New- York,  1858. 


36  MY  THIRTY  YEARS 


MY  LETTERS  AND  OTHER  DOCKYMENTS. 

LETTER  L* 

Portland,  Monday,  Jan.  18,  1830. 
To  Cousin  Ejphraim  Doivning,  up  in  Doivningville  : 

Dear  Cousix  Ephraim  : — I  now  take  my  pen  in  hand  to  let 
you  know  that  I  am  well,  hoping  these  few  lines  will  find  you 
enjoying  the  same  blessing.  When  I  come  down  to  Portland 
I  didn't  think  o'  staying  more  than  three  or  four  days,  if  I 
could  sell  my  load  of  ax  handles,  and  mother's  cheese,  and 
cousin  Nabby's  bundle  of  footings  ;  but  when  I  got  here  I 
found  Uncle  Nat  was  gone  a  freighting  down  to  Quoddy,  and 
aunt  Sally  said  as  how  I  shouldn't  stir  a  step  home  till  he  come 
back  agin,  which  won't  be  this  month.  So  here  I  am,  loiter- 
ing about  this  great  town,  as  lazy  as  an  ox.  Ax  handles 
don't  fetch  nothing  ;  I  couldn't  hardly  give  'em  away.  Tell 
Cousin  Nabby  I  sold  her  footings  for  nine-pence  a  pair, 
and  took  it  all  in  cotton  cloth.  Mother's  cheese  come  to 
seven-and-sixpence  ;    I    got    her   half  a   pound   of  shushon. 


*  Editorial  Note. — The  political  struggle  in  the  Legislature  of  Maine  in 
the  winter  of  1830  will  long  be  remembered.  The  preceding  electioneering 
campaign  had  been  carried  on  withja  bitterness  and  personality  unprecedent- 
ed in  the  State,  and  so  nearly  were  the  parties  divided,  that  before  the  meet- 
ing of  the  Legislature  to  count  the  votes  for  Governor,  both  sides  confident- 
ly claimed  the  victory.  Hence  the  members  came  together  with  feelings 
highly  excited,  prepared  to  dispute  every  inch  of  ground,  and  ready  to  take 
fire  at  the  first  spark  which  collision  might  produce.    A  fierce  war  commenced 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  37 

and  two  ounces  of  snuff,  and  the  rsst  in  sugar.  When 
Uncle  Nat  comes  home  I  shall  put  my  ax  handles  aboard 
of  him,  and  let  him  take  'em  to  Boston  next  time  he  goes  ; 
I  saw  a  feller  tother  day,  that  told  me  they'd  fetch  a  good 
price  there.  I've  been  here  now  a  whole  fortnight,  and 
if  I  could  tell  ye  one  half  I've  seen,  I  guess  you'd  stare  worse 
than  if  you'd  seen  a  catamount.  I've  been  to  meeting,  and  to 
the  museum,  and  to  both  Legislaters,  the  one  they  call  the 
House,  and  the  one  they  call  the  Sinnet.  I  spose  Uncle 
Joshua  is  in  a  great  hurry  to  hear  something  about  these 
Legislaters  ;  for  you  know  he's  always  reading  newspapers, 
and  talking  politics,  when  he  can  get  anybody  to  talk  with 
him.  I've  seen  him  when  he  had  five  tons  of  hay  in  the  field 
well  made,  and  a  heavy  shower  coming  up,  stand  two  hours 
disputing  with  Squire  W.  about  Adams  and  Jackson — one 
calling  Adams  a  tory  and  a  fed,  and  the  other  saying  Jackson 
was  a  murderer  and  a  fool  ;  so  they  kept  it  up,  till  the  rain 
began  to  pour  down,  and  about  spoilt  all  his  hay. 

Uncle  Joshua  may  set  his  heart  at  rest  about  the  bushel  of 
corn  that  he  bet  'long  with  the  postmaster,  that  Mr.  Ruggles 
would  be  Speaker  of  that  Legislater  they  call  the  House  ;  for 
he's  lost  it,  slick  as  a  whistle.     As  I  hadn't  much  to  do,  I've 


at  the  first  moment  of  the  meeting,  and  continued  for  about  six  weeks  without 
intermission,  before  they  succeeded  in  organizing  the  government.  It  was  dur- 
ing this  state  of  things  that  Mr.  Downing  fortunately  happened  to  drop  into 
the  Legislature.  In  explanation  of  the  first  letter,  it  may  be  remarked,  that 
as  soon  as  the  Representatives  had  assembled,  Albert  Smith.  Esq..  of  Noble- 
borough,  the  then  Marshal  of  Maine,  called  them  to  order,  and  nominated 
Mr.  Wljite,  of  Monmouth,  Chairman,  who  was  declared  elected  without  cere- 
mony, and  took  the  chair.  After  he  had  occupied  it  two  days  Mr.  Goodenow 
was  elected  Speaker. 


38  MY  THIRTY    YEAF.a 

been  there  every  day  since  they've  been  a  setting.  A  Mr.White, 
of  Monmouth,  was  the  Speaker  the  first  two  days  ;  and  I  can't 
see  why  they  didn't  keep  him  in  all  the  time  ;  for  he  seemed 
to  be  a  very  clever,  good-natured  sort  of  man,  and  he  had 
such  a  smooth,  pleasant  way  with  him,  that  I  couldn't  help 
feeling  sorry  when  they  turned  him  out  and  put  in  another. 
But  some  said  he  wasn't  put  in  hardly  fair  ;  and  I  don't  know 
as  he  was,  for  the  first  day,  when  they  were  all  coming  in  and 
crowding  round,  there  was  a  large,  fat  man,  with  a  round, 
full  jolly  sort  of  a  face,  I  suppose  he  was  the  captain,  for  he 
got  U!>  and  commanded  them  to  come  to  order,  and  then  he  told 
this  Mr.  White  to  whip  into  the  chair  quicker  than  you  could 
say  Jack  Robinson.  Some  of  'em  scolded  about  it,  and  I 
heard  some,  in  a  little  room  they  called  the  lobby,  say  'twas  a 
mean  trick  ;  but  I  couldn't  see  why,  for  I  thought  Mr.  White 
made  a  capital  Speaker,  and  when  our  company  turns  out,  the 
cap'n  always  has  a  right  to  do  as  he's  a  mind  to. 

They  kept  disputing  most  all  the  time  the  first  two  days 
about  a  poor  Mr.  Roberts,  from  Waterborough.  Some  said 
he  should  n't  have  a  seat  because  he  adjourned  the  town  meet- 
ing and  wasn't  fairly  elected.  Others  said  it  was  no  such 
thing,  and  that  he  was  elected  as  fairly  as  any  of  'em.  And 
Mr.  Roberts  himself  said  he  was,  and  said  he  could  bring  men 
that  would  swear  to  it,  and  good  men  too.  But,  notwithstand- 
ing all  this,  when  they  came  to  vote,  they  got  three  or  four 
majority  that  he  should'nt  have  a  seat.  And  I  thought  it  a 
needless  piece  of  cruelty,  for  they  wan't  crowded,  and  there 
was  a  number  of  seats  empty.  But  they  would  have  it  so, 
and  the  poor  man  had  to  go  and  stand  up  in  the  lobby. 

Then  they  disputed  awhile   about  a  Mr.  Fowler's  having  a 


OUT  OF  Till':  sENATr;.  39 

seat.  Some  said  be  shouldn't  have  a  scat,  because  when  he 
was  elected  some  of  his  votes  were  given  for  his  father.  But 
they  were  more  kind  to  him  than  they  were  to  Mr  Roberts, 
for  they  voted  that  he  should  have  a  seat  ;  and  I  suppose  it 
was  because  they  thought  he  had  a  lawful  right  to  inherit 
whatever  was  his  father's.  They  all  declared  there  was  no 
party  politics  about  it,  and  I  don't  think  there  was  ;  fur  I  no- 
ticed that  all  who  voted  that  Mr.  Roberts  should  have  a  seat, 
voted  that  Mr.  Fowler  should  not  ;  and  all  who  voted  that  Mr. 
Roberts  should  not  have  a  seat,  voted  that  Mr.  Fowler  should. 
So,  as  they  all  voted  hoth  ways,  tliey  must  have  been  couscien- 
cious,  and  I  don't  see  how  there  could  be  any  party  about  it. 
It's  a  pity  they  couldn't  be  allowed  to  have  two  Speakers, 
for  they  seemed  to  be  very  anxious  to  choose  Mr.  Ruggles 
and  Mr.  Goodenow.  They  two  had  every  vote  except  one, 
and  if  they  had  had  that^  I  believe  they  would  both  have 
been  chosen  ;  as  it  was,  however,  they  both  came  within  a 
humbird's  eye  of  it.  Whether  it  was  Mr  Ruggles  voted  for 
Mr.  Goodenow,  or  Mr.  Goodenow  for  Mr.  Ruggles,  I  can't  ex- 
actly tell  ;  but  I  rather  guess  it  was  Mr.  Ruggles  voted  for 
Mr.  Goodenow,  for  he  appeared  to  be  very  glad  to  see  Mr. 
Goodenow  in  the  chair,  and  shook  hands  with  him  as  good- 
natured  as  could  be.  I  would  have  given  half  my  load  of  ax 
handles,  if  they  could  both  have  been  elected  and  set  up  there 
together,  they  would  have  been  so  happy.  But  as  they  can^t 
have  but  one  Speaker  at  a  time,  and  as  Mr.  Goodenow  ap- 
pears to  understand  the  business  very  well,  it  is  not  likely 
Mr.  Ruggles  will  be  Speaker  any  this  winter.  So  Uncle 
Joshua  will  have  to  shell  out  his  bushel  of  corn,  and  I  hope  it 
will  learn  him  better  than  to  bet  about  politics  again.    Before 


40  MY    THIRTY   YEARS 

I  came  from  home,  some  of  the  papers  said  how  there  was  a 
majority  of  ten  or  fifteen  Natienal  Republicans  in  the  Legisla- 
tor, and  the  other  party  said  there  was  a  pretty  clever  little 
majority  of  Deimcratic  Republicans.  Well,  now  everybody 
says  it  has  turned  out  jest  as  that  queer  little  paper,  called 
the  Daily  Courier,  said  'twould.  That  paper  said  it  was  such 
a  close  rub  it  couldn't  hardly  tell  which  side  would  beat. 
And  it's  jest  so,  for  they've  been  here  now  most  a  fortnight 
acting  jest  like  two  boys  playin  see-saw  on  a  rail.  First  one 
goes  up,  and  then  'tother  ;  but  I  reckon  one  of  the  boys  is 
rather  heaviest,  for  once  in  a  while  he  comes  down  chuck,  and 
throws  the  other  up  into  the  air  as  though  he  would  pitch  him 
head  over  heels.     Your  loving  cousin  till  death. 

JACK  DOWNING. 


OUT  OF  THE  SENATE 


41 


DOWXINGVILLE   TAVERN. 


LETTER  II.* 

ABOUT  POOR  MR.  ROBERTS  HAVING  TO  STAND  UP. 

Portland,  Jan.  22,  1830. 
To  Unde  Joshua  Downing^  up  in  Dowmngville  : 

Dear  Uncle  Joshua  : — I  spose   you  learnt   by  my  letter 
t'other  day  to  cousin  Ephraim,  that  you  had  lost  the  bushel 

*EditorialNote.— It  was  the  rule  at  the  meeting  of  the  Legislature  to 
admit  all  to  a  seat  who  could  produce  a  certificate  of  their  election,  which  cer- 

2* 


42  MY   THIRTY    YEAKS 

of  corn  yon  bet  about  the  Speaker  in  the  Legislater — I  mean 
that  Legislater  they  call  the  House — for  Mr.  White  got  it 
first,  and  then  Mr.  Goodenow  got  it,  and  he's  kept  it  ever 
since.  And  they  say  he'll  be  Speaker  all  winter,  although  he 
don't  sjpeak  near  so  much  as  some  of  the  rest  of  'em.  There's 
lawyer  Ruggles,  of  Thomaston,  that  used  to  be  Speaker,  and 
folks  say  he  made  a  very  smart  one.  And  there's  lawyer  Bou- 
telle,  of  Waterville,  who's  got  eyes  sharp  enough  to  look 
through  anybody,  and  who  makes  'em  all  as  still  as  mice 
when  he-speaks.  And  there's  lawyer  Smith,  of  Nobleborough  ; 
he  looks  very  much  like  a  man  I  saw  in  the  museum,  that 
they  called  Daniel  Lambert,  only  he  isn't  quite  so  large. 
But  my  patience!  he's  a  real  peeler  for  speaking,  and  some- 
times he  pours  out  his  voice  so  as  to  make  me  jump  right  up 
on  my  feet.  If  I  was  going  to  bet  who  would  be  Speaker 
next  year,  I  should  bet  upon  him  before  anybody  else.  And 
there's  lawyer  Bourne,  of  Kennebunk,  and  lawyer  Kent,  of 
Bangor,  and  lawyer  Norton,  of  Milburn,  and  Dr.  Burnham,  of 
Orland,  and  Dr.  Shaw,  of  Wiscasset,  and  Dr.  Wells,  of  Free- 
port,  and  Parson  Knowlton,  of  Montville,  and  Parson  Swett, 
of  Prospect,  and  some  others,  if  I  could  only  think  of  'em. 
Now,  most  any  of  these  speak  more  than  Mr.  Goodenow  does; 


tificate  was  considered  prima  facia  evidence  that  they  were  duly  returned  as 
members.  The  Portland  Argus  and  Advertiser,  were  the  leading  papers  of 
th«  two  parties ;  and  as  matters  began  to  grow  worse  and  worse  in  the  Legis- 
lature, the  Argus  constantly  affirmed  that  the  Democratic  Republicans  used 
every  endeavor  in  their  power  to  organize  the  government  and  proceed  in  the 
public  business,  but  that  the  Huntonites  would  not  let  them.  And  the  Ad- 
vertiser as  constantly  affirmed  that  the  National  Republicans  used  their  ut- 
most endeavors  to  proceed  in  the  public  business,  but  the  Jacksonites  would 
not  let  them. 


OUT  OF  thl:  senate.  43 

and  still  Mr.  Goodenow  is  called  the   Speaker,  because  they 
voted  that  he  should  be. 

They've  disputed  two  days  more  about  that  poor  Mr.  Rob- 
erts having  a  seat.  I  can't  see  why  they  need  to  make  such 
a  fuss  about  it,  As  they've  got  seats  enough,  why  don't  they 
let  him  have  one,  and  not  keep  him  standing  up  for  three 
weeks  in  the  lobby  and  round  the  fire.  It's  a  plaguey  sight 
worse  than  being  on  a  standing  committee,  for  they  say  the 
standing  committees  have  a  chance  to  set  most  every  day. 
But  in  the  dispute  about  Mr.  Roberts  last  "Wednesday  and 
Thursday,  the  difficulty  seemed  to  be  something  or  other  about 
a  p-imy  facy  case.  I  don't  know  what  sort  of  a  case  'twas,  but 
that's  what  they  called  it.  Some  said  he  hadn't  got  any  ;primy 
facy  case,  and  he  mustn't  have  a  seat  till  he  had  one.  The  oth- 
ers stood  to  it  that  he  had  got  one,  and  a  very  ^ood  one.  Mr. 
Ruggles  said  it  was  full  as  good  a  one  as  the  gentleman  from 
Portland  had.  And  they  read  about  twenty  papers  that  they 
called  depositions,  about  the  town-meeting  of  Waterborough  ; 
but  they  didn't  seem  to  say  anything  about  ihG primy  facy  case. 
About  one-half  of  'em  said  the  town-meeting  was  adjourned, 
and  t'other  half  said  'twasn't.  And  one  of  the  depositions 
said  there  was  some  of  'em  at  the  meeting  agreed  that  Mr. 
Roberts  shouldn't  be  elected  at  any  rate  ;  and  if  they  couldn't 
prevent  it  any  other  way  they  agreed  to  keep  up  a  row  till 
midnight.  And  when  they  brought  in  caudles  in  the  evening 
they  knocked  'em  all  over  and  put  'em  out.  So  they  all  had 
to  clear  out  ;  and  some  said  there  was  a  vote  to  adjourn  the 
meeting,  and  some  said  Mr.  Roberts  adjourned  it  alone,  and 
some  said  'twasn't  adjourned  at  all.  And  one  of  the  deposi- 
tioners  said   Mr.  Roberts  offered  to  give  him  as  much  rum  as 


44  MY  THIRTY  YEARS 

he  would  drink  if  he  would  only  say  the  meeting  was  fairly 
adjourned.  But  all  the  depositions  didn't  convince  but  sixty- 
nine  members  of  the  House  that  Mr.  Roberts  had  a  jprimy  facy 
case,  and  there  were  seventy-five  convinced  t'other  way.  So, 
after  they  had  disputed  two  days,  they  voted  again  that  Mr. 
Roberts  shouldn't  have  a  seat  yet. 

Oh  dear,  Uncle  Joshua,  these  Legislaters  have  got  the  State 
into  a  dreadful  pickle.  I've  been  reading  the  Portland  Argus 
and  the  Portland  Advertiser,  and  it's  enough  to  scare  a  Bun- 
ker Hill  soger  out  of  his  seven  senses  to  see  what  we  are  all 
coming  to.  According  to  these  papers  there  are  two  very 
clever  parties  in  the  State  that  are  trying  with  all  their  might 
to  save  us  from  ruin.  They  are  called  Democratic  Repuhlikins 
and  National  Republikiiis — and  you'd  be  perfectly  astonished 
to  see  how  hard  they've  worked,  as  these  papers  say,  in  both 
Legislaters,  to  set  things  right,  and  get  business  a-going  on 
well,  so  that  we  can  have  a  Governor,  and  live  in  peace  and 
harmony,  and  not  break  out  into  civil  war,  and  all  be  ruined 
in  a  bunch.  But  it's  doubtful  if  they'll  make  out  to  save  us 
after  all  ;  for  there  is  such  a  set  of  Jacksonites  and  Hunton- 
ites,  that  are  all  the  time  a-plotting  to  bring  us  to  destruction, 
that  I  tell  you  what  'tis,  if  something  iun't  done  pretty  soon, 
it'll  be  gone  goose  with  us. 

These  Jacksonites  and  Huntonites  seem  to  have  a  majority 
in  the  Legislaters  ;  and  they've  been  making  a  proper  bother 
for  a'most  three  weeks,  so  that  the  Democratic  Republikins 
and  the  National  Republikins  couldn't  do  nothing  at  all. 
And  sometimes  Fm  really  afraid  they'll  have  to  break  up  and 
go  home  without  doing  anything  ;  and  if  they  do,  they  say 
we  shall  all  be  afloat,  and  there's  no  knowing  where  we  shall 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  45 

land.  Tne  Republikins  appointed  a  committee  to  count  the 
votes  for  Governor,  and  the  committee  told  'em  t'other  day 
there  was  thirty-nine  majority  for  Mr.  Hunton,  and  he  was 
elected.  But  then  these  Jacksonites  and  Huntonites  went  to 
disputing  about  the  matter,  and  some  say  they  will  dispute  it 
this  fortnight  yet.  What  a  blessing  it  would  be  if  the  Legis- 
laters  were  all  Democratic  and  National  Republikins.  The 
people  are  growing  pretty  mad  at  all  this  botheration,  and  I 
can't  tell  what'll  be  the  end  on't.  But  I  shall  write  again  to 
you  or  Cousin  Ephraim  pretty  soon.  So  I  remain  your  loving 
neffu  till  death. 

JACK  DOWNING. 


46 


MY    THIRTY    YEARS 


LETTER  III. 

UXCLE    JOSHUA    TELLS    HOW    HE    WENT    TO    BOSTON    AND   TOOK    DINNER 
WITH    THE    GINERAL    COURT. 

Boston,  January  25,  1830. 

Dear  Nephew  : — I  left  home  just  after  your  letter  to  your 
cousin  Ephraim  got  there,  and  I  didn't  get  a  sight  of  your 
letter  to  me  that  you  put  into  the  Courier  at  Portland  until  I 
saw  it  in  the  Daily  Advertiser  in  B  oston,  and  I  guess  Mr. 
Hale  is  the  only  person  in  Boston  who  takes  that  are  little 
Couriep,  so  you  was  pretty  safe  about  the  letter  not  being 
seen,  as  the  printer  promised  you.  How  I  happened  to  see  it 
here  you  will  find  out  before  I  have  got  through  Vv-ith  this 
letter.  I  guess  you  won't  be  a  little  struck  up  when  you  find 
out  that  I'm  in  Boston.  But  I  had  best  begin  at  the  begin- 
ning, and  then  I  shall  get  through  quicker. 

After  seeing  your  letter  to  Ephraim,  as  I  said  before,  I  con- 
cluded it  wouldn't  be  a  bad  scheme  to  tackle  up  and  take  a 
load  of  turkeys,  some  apple-sass,  and  other  notions  that  the 
neighbors  wanted  to  get  to  market,  and  as  your  Uncle  Nat 
would  be  in  Boston  with  the  ax-handles,  we  all  thought  best 
to  try  our  luck  there.  Nothing  happened  worth  mentioning 
on  the  road,  nor  till  next  morning  after  I  got  here  and  put  up 
in  Elm  street.  I  then  got  off  my  watch  pretty  curiously,  as 
you  shall  be  informed.  I  was  down  in  the  bar-room,  and 
thought  it  well  enough  to  look  pretty  considerable  smart,  and 


UNCLE    JOSHUA    AND    THE    FOURTH    STALLER. 


(4T 


OUT  OF  THE  SENATE.  49 

now  and  then  compared  my  watch  with  the  clock  in  the  bar, 
and  found  it  as  near  right  as  ever  it  was,  when  a  feller  stept 
up  to  me  and  ask'd  how  I'd  trade  ?  and  says  I,  for  what  ?  and 
says  he,  for  your  watch,  and  says  I,  any  way  that  will  be  a 
fair  shake  ;  upon  that  says  he,  I'll  give  you  my  watch  and  five 
dollars  ;  says  I,  it's  done  !  He  gave  me  the  five  dollars,  and 
I  gave  him  my  watch.  Now,  says  I,  give  me  your  watch  ; 
and,  says  he,  with  a  loud  laugh,  I  han't  got  none,  and  that 
kind  a  turned  the  laugh  on  me.  Thinks  I,  let  them  laugh 
that  lose.  Soon  as  the  laugh  was  well  over  the  feller  thought 
he'd  try  the  watch  to  his  ear  ;  why,  says  he,  it  don't  go  ;  no, 
says  I,  not  without  it's  carried  ;  then  I  began  to  laugli.  He 
tried  to  open  it  and  couldn't  start  it  a  hair,  and  broke  his 
thumb  nail  into  the  bargain.  Won't  she  open,  says  he  ? 
Net's  J  know  on,  says  I,  and  then  the  laugh  seemed  to  take 
another  turn. 

Don't  you  think  I  got  off  the  old  Brittania  pretty  well,  con- 
siderin  ?  And  then  I  thought  I'd  go  and  see  about  my  load 
of  turkeys  and  other  notions.  I  expected  to  have  gone  all 
over  town  to  sell  my  load,  but  Mr.  Doolittle  told  me  if  I'd  go 
down  to  the  new  market  I  should  find  folks  enough  to  buy  all 
I  had  at  once.  So  down  I  goes,  and  a  likely  kind  of  a  feller, 
with  an  eye  like  a  hawk  and  quick  as  a  steel  trap  for  a  trade, 
(they  called  him  a  fourth  staller,*)  came  up  to  the  waggon, 
and  before  you  could  say  Jack  Robinson  we  struck  a  bargain 
for  the  whole  cargo;  and  come  to  weigh  and  reckon  up  I 
found  I  should  get  as  much  as  10s.  6d.  more  than  any  of  us 
calculated  before  I  left  home,  and  had  the  apple-sass  left  be- 

*  Fore-staller. 


50  MY  THIRTY  YEARS 

sides.  So  I  thought  I'd  jest  see  how  this  fourth  staller 
worked  his  card  to  be  able  to  give  us  so  good  a  price  for  the 
turkeys,  and  I  went  inside  the  market  house,  aLd  a  grander 
sight  I  never  expect  to  see  !  But  it  was  the  third  staller,  in- 
stead of  the  fourth,  had  my  turkeys  all  sorted  and  hung  up, 
and  looking  so  much  better  that  I  hardly  should  known  'em. 
Pretty  soon  a  gentleman  asked  the  third  staller  what  he 
asked  for  turkeys  ?  Why,  says  he,  if  you  want  something 
better  than  you  ever  saw  before,  there's  some  'twas  killed  last 
night  purpose  for  you.  You  may  take  'em  at  9d.,  [12^  cents 
Massachusetts  currency,]  being  it's  you.  I'll  give  you  12 
cents,  said  the  gentleman,  as  I've  got  some  of  the  General 
Court  to  dine  with  me,  and  must  treat  well.  I  shan't  stand 
for  half  a  cent  with  an  old  customer,  says  he.  And  so  they 
traded  ;  and  in  about  the  space  of  half  an  hour  or  more  all 
ray  turkeys  went  into  baskets  at  that  rate.  The  fourth  staller 
gave  me  6d.  a  pound,  and  I  began  to  think  I'd  been  a  little 
too  much  in  a  hurry  for  trade — but's  no  use  to  cry  for  spilt 
milk.  Then  I  went  up  to  the  State  House  to  see  what  was 
going  on  there  ;  but  I  thought  I'd  get  off  my  apple-sass  on 
my  way — and  seeing  a  sign  of  old  clothes  bartered,  I  stepped 
in  and  made  a  trade,  and  got  a  whole  suit  of  superfine  black 
broadcloth  from  top  to  toe  for  a  firkin  of  apple-sass  (which 
didn't  cost  much  I  guess,  at  home.) 

Accordingly  I  rigged  myself  up  in  the  new  suit,  and  you'd 
hardly  known  me.  I  didn't  like  the  set  of  the  shoulders,  they 
were  so  dreadful  puckery  ;  but  the  man  said  that  was  all 
right.  I  guess  he'll  find  the  apple-sass  full  as  puckery  when 
he  get's  down  into  it-'-but  that's  between  ourselves.  Well, 
when  I  got  up  to  the  State  House  I  found  them  at  work  on 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  51 

the  railroad,  busy  enough  I  can  tell  you  ;  they  got  a  part  of 
it  made  already.    I  found  most  all  the  folks  kept  their  hats  on 
except  the  man  who  was  talking  out  loud  and  the  man  he  was 
talking  to  ;  all  the  rest  seemed  to  be  busy  about  their  own 
consarns.    As  I  did't  see  anybody  to  talk  to,  I  kept  my  hat  on 
and  took  a  seat,  and  look'd  round  to  see  what  was  going  on. 
I  hadn't  been  setting  long  before  I  saw  a  slick-headed,  sharp- 
eyed  little  man,  who  seemed  to  have  the  principal  manage- 
ment of  the  folks,  looking  at  me  pretty  sharp,  as  much  ae  to 
say,  who  are  you  ?  but  I  said  nothing  and  looked  tother  way. 
At  last  he  touched  me    on  the   shoulder  ;   I  thought  he  was 
feeling  of  the  puckers.     Are  you  a  member  ?  says  he  ;  sartin, 
says  I ;  how  long  have  you  taken  your  seat?  says  he;  about 
ten  minutes,  says  I  ;  are  you  qualified  ?  says  he  ;  I  guess  not, 
says  I.     And  then  he  left  me.     I  didn't  know  exactly  what 
this  old  gentleman  was  after,  but  soon  he  returned  and  said 
it  was  proper  for  me  to  be  qualified  before  I  took  a  seat,  and 
I  must  go  before  the  Governor  I    By  Jing  !  I  never  felt  so  be- 
fore in  all  my  born  days.     As  good  luck  would  have  it  he 
was  beckoned  to  come  to  a  man  at  the  desk,  and  as  soon  as  his 
back  was  turned  I  give  him  the  slip.    Just  as  I  was  going  off 
the  gentleman  who  bought  my  turkeys  of  the  fourth  staller 
took  hold  of  my  arm,  and  I  was  afraid  at  first  that  he  was 
going  to  carry  me  to  the  Governor  ;  but  he  began  to  talk  as 
sociable   as  if  we  had   been   old  acquaintances.     How  long 
have  you  been  in  the  house,  Mr.  Smith  ?  says  he.     My  name 
is  Downing,  said    I.     I    beg   your   pardon,  says  he,  I  mean 
Downing.     It's  no  offence,  says  I,  I  hav'nt  been  here  long. 
Then,  says  he,  in  a  very  pleasant  way,  a  few  of  your  brother 
members  are  to  take  pot-lock  with  me  to-day,  and  I  should  be 


62  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

happy  to  have  you  join  them.  What's  pot-luck  ?  said  I.  0, 
a  family  dinner,  says  he — no  ceremony.  I  thought  by  this 
time  I  was  well  qualified  for  that  without  going  to  the  Gover- 
nor. So  says  I,  yes,  and  thank  ye  too.  How  long  before 
you'll  want  me,  says  I.  At  3  o'clock,  says  he,  and  gave  me 
a  piece  of  pasteboard  with  his  name  on  it,  and  the  name  of 
the  street  and  the  number  of  his  house,  and  said  that  would 
show  the  way.  AYell,  says  I,  I  don't  know  of  nothing  that 
will  keep  me  away.  And  then  we  parted.  I  took  consider- 
able liking  to  him. 

After  strolling  round  and  seeing  a  great  many  things  about 
the  State  House,  and  the  marble  image  of  Gineral  Washing- 
ton, standing  on  a  stump  in  the  porch,  I  went  out  into  the 
street  they  call  Bacon  street,  and  my  stars  !  what  swarms  of 
women  folks  I  saw,  all  drest  up  as  if  they  were  going  to 
meeting.  You  can  tell  cousin  Polly  Sandburn,  who  you  know 
is  no  slimster,  that  she  needn't  take  on  so  about  being  genteel 
in  her  shapes,  for  the  genteelest  ladies  here  beat  her  as  to 
size  all  hollow.  I  don't  believe  one  of  'em  could  get  into  our 
fore  dore,  and  as  for  their  arms,  I  shouldn't  want  better 
measure  for  a  bushel  of  meal  than  one  of  their  sleeves  could 
hold.  I  shan't  shell  out  the  bushel  of  corn  you  say  I've  lost 
on  Speaker  Euggles  at  that  rate.     But  this  puts  me  in  mind 

of  the   dinner  which   Mr.  ■ —  wanted  I    should   help  the 

Gineral  Court  eat.  So  I  took  out  the  piece  of  pasteboard  and 
began  to  inquire  my  way  and  got  along  completely,  and 
found  the  number  the  first  time  ;  but  the  door  was  locked, 
and  there  was  no  knocker,  and  I  thumpt  with  my  whip 
handle  but  nobody  come.  And  says  I  to  a  man  going  by, 
don't  nobody  live  here  ?  and  says  he,  yes.     Well,  how  do  you 


OUT  OF  THE  SENATE. 


53 


get  in  ?  Why,  says  he,  ring  ;  and  says  I,  ring  what  ?  And 
says  he,  the  bell.  And  says  I,  where's  the  rope  ?  And  gays 
he,  pull  that  little  brass  nub  ;  and  so  I  gave  it  a  twitch,  and 
I'm  sure  a  bell  did  ring  ;  and  who  do  you  think  opened  the 
door  with  a  white  apron  afore  him  ?  You  couldn't  guess  for  a 
week  a  Sundays,  so  I'll  tell  you.     It  was  Stephen  Furlong 


Iilia'il|i1li!|!ll,-?^,,, 


UXCLE    JOSHUA    AND    STEPHEN    FURLONG. 


who  kept  our  district  school  last  Winter,  for  five  dollars  a 
month,  and  kept  bachelor's  hall,  and  helped  tend  for  Gineral 
Coombs  a  training  days,  and  make  out  muster  rolls.  We  was 
considerably  struck  up  at  first,  both  of  us  ;  and  when  he 
found  I  was  going  to  eat  dinner  with  Mr  and  Gineral 


54  IfY  THIRTY  YEARS 

Court,  he  thought  it  queer  kind  of  doings  ;  but  says  he,  I 
guess  it  will  be  as  well  for  both  of  us  not  to  know  each  other 
a  bit  more  than  we  can  help.  And  says  I,  with  a  wink, 
you're  half  right/  and  in  I  went.     There  was  nobody  in  the 

room  but  Mr.  and   his  wife,  and  not  a   sign  of  any 

dinner  to  be  seen  anywhere,  though  I  thought  now  and  then 

when  a  side  door  opened  I  could  smell  cupboard,  as  they  say. 

I  thought  I  should  be  puzzled  enough  to  know  what  to  say, 

but  I  hadn't  my  thoughts  long  to  myself.    Mr. has  about 

as  nimble  a  tongue  as  you  ever  heard,  and  could  say  ten 
words  to  my  one,  and  I  had  nothing  to  do  in  the  way  of 
making  talk.  Just  then  I  heard  a  ringing,  and  Stephen  was 
busy  opening  the  door  and  letting  in  the  Gineral  Court,  who 
had  all  their  hats  off,  and  looking  pretty  scrumptious,  you  may 
depend.  I  didn't  see  but  I  could  stand  along  side  of  'em  with- 
out disparagement,  except  to  my  boots,  which  had  just  got  a 
lick  of  beeswax  and  tallow.  Not  a  mite  of  dinner  y&t,  and  I 
began  to  feel  as  if  'twas  nearer  supper-time  than  dinner-time, 
when  all  at  once  two  doors  flew  away  from  each  other  right 
into  the  wall,  and  what  did  I  see  but  one  of  the  grandest 
thanksgiving  dinners  you  ever  laid  your  eyes  on,  and  lights 
on  the  table,  and  silver  candlesticks  and  gold  lamps  over 
head— the  window  shutters  closed.  I  guess  more  than  one  of 
us  stared  at  first,  but  we  soon  found  the  way  to  our  mouths. 
I  made  Stephen  tend  out  for  me  pretty  sharp,  and  he  got  my 
plate  iilled  three  or  four  times  with  Boup,  which  beat  all  I 
ever  tasted.  I  shan't  go  through  the  vvhole  dinner  again  to 
you  ;  but  I  am  mistaken  if  it  cost  roe  much  for  victuals  this 
week,  if  I  pay  by  the  meal  at  Mr.  Doolittle's,  who  comes  pret- 
ty near  up  to  a  thanksgiving  every  day.    There  was  consid- 


OUT  OF  THE  SENATE. 


55 


:'S. 


crable  talk  about  stock  aud  manufactories,  and  Tier  bilitici 
and  rimidies,  and  a  great  loss  on  stock.  I  thought  this  a 
good  chance  for  me  to  put  in  a  word,  for  I  calculated  I  knew 
as  much  about  raising  stock  and  keeping  over  as  any  of  'em. 

Says  I  to  Mr. ,  there's  one  thing  I've  always  obsarved  in 

my  experience  in  stock— jest  as  sure  as  you  try  to  keep  over 
more  stock  than  you  have  fodder  to  carry  them  well  into 
Aperil,  one  half  will  die  on  your  hands  to  a  sartainty,  and 
there's  no  rimidy  for  it  ;  I've  tried  it  out  and  out,  and  there's 
no  law  that  can  make  a  tua  of  hay  keep  over  ten  cows,  unless 
you  have  more  carrots  and  potatoes  than  you  can  throw  a 
stick  at.  This  made  some  of  the  folks  stare  who  didn't  know 
much  about  stock,  and  Steeve  give  me  a  jog,  as  much  as  to 
say,  keep  quiet.  He  thought  I  was  getting  into  a. quagmire, 
and  soon  after,  giving  me  a  wink,  opened  the  door,  and  got 
me  out  of  the  room  into  the  entry. 

After  we  had  got  out  of  hearing,  says  I  to  Steve,  how  are 
you  getting  on  in  the  world  ?— should  you  like  to  come  back 
to  keep  our  school  if  I  could  get  a  vote  for  you  ?  Not  by 
two  chalks,  says  Steve,  I  know  which  side  my  bread  is 
buttered  better  than  that ;  I  get  twelve  dollars  a  month  and 
found,  and  now  and  then  some  old  clothes,  which  is  better 
than  keeping  school  at  five  dollars  and  find  myself,  and  work 
out  my  highwajf  tax  besides  ;  then  turning  up  the  cape  of 
my  'new  coat,  says  he,  I  guess  I've  dusted  that  before  now. 
Most  likely,  says  I,  but  not  in  our  district  school.  And 
this  brings  to  mind  to  tell  you  how  I  got  sight  of  your  letter. 
They  tell  mp  here  that  everybody  reads  the  Boston  Daily  Ad- 
vertiser, because  there  is  no  knowing  but  what  they  may  find 
out  something  to  their  advantage,  so  I  thought  I  would  be  as 


56  MY  THIRTY  YEARS 

wise  as  the  rest  of  tliem,  and  before  I  got  half  way  through, 
with  it,  what  should  I  find  mixed  up  with  the  news  but  your 
letter,  that  you  put  into  that  little  paper  down  in  Portland, 
and  I  knew  it  was  your  writing  before  I  had  read  ten  lines 
of  it. 

I  hope  I've  answered  it  to  your  satisfaction. 

Your  respectful  uncle, 

JOSHUA  DOWNING. 

P.  S. — Mr.  Toplifif  says  your  Uncle  Nat  is  telegraphed,  but 
I'm  afraid  the  ax  handles  won't  come  to  much.  I  find  the 
Boston  folks  make  a  handle  of  most  anything  they  can  lay 
hold  of,  and  jest  as  like  as  not  they'll  make  a  handle  of  our 
private  letters  if  they  should  see  them. 

N.  B, — You  spell  dreadful  bad,  according  to  my  notion  ; 
and  this  proves  what  I  always  said,  that  our  district  has 
been  going  down  hill  ever  since  Stephen  Furlong  left  it. 


DOCKYMENTS.* 
Extract  from  tJie  Portland  Courier,  January,  1830. 
Saturday  forenoon,  the  house  having  adjourned  at  an  early 
hour,  we  repaired  to  the  Senate   Chamber  with  a  view  of 


*  Editorial  Note. — In  order  that  the  reader  mai^  understand  the  pro- 
gress of  the  war  in  the  Maine  Legislature,  it  should  be  remarked  that  the 
parties  in  the  Senate  were  equally  divided.  There  were  eight  Hiinton- 
ites,  or  National  Republicans,  and  eight  Sraiihites  or  Democratic  Republicans, 
and  four  vacancies.  The  battles,  therefore,  in  the  Senate,  were  more  serious, 
obstinate  and  protracted  than  they  were  in  the  House.  They  balloted  regu- 
larly for  President  every  day  for  about  a  fortnight.  To  illustaate  the  state 
of  aflFairs  at  that  time,  a  couple  of  extracts  from  the  Portland  Courier  in  re- 
lation to  the  balloting  in  the  Senate  are  subjoined. 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  51 

standing  watch  awhile.  We  arrived  just  in  the  height  of  a 
spirited  skirmish,  or  what  might  almost  be  called  a  bat- 
tle ;  but  the  room  was  crowded  and  the  doorway  so  impene- 
trably thronged  that  we  could  gain  no  entrance.  There  was 
scarcely  room  for  a  man  to  wedge  his  nose  in,  unless  it  were 
a  remarkably  thin  and  sharp  one.  From  the  subdued  and  re- 
gular hum  within  there  was  evidently  a  debate  going  on,  but 
we  being  somewhat  low  in  stature,  and  a  solid  phalanx  of 
six-footers  standing  before  us,  we  were  left  in  the  unpleasant 
predicament  of  stretching  up  on  tip-toe  without  catching  a 
single  glimpse  of  the  scene,  and  holding  our  hands  behind  our 
ears  without  distinguishing  a  syllable  that  was  uttered. 

The  debate,  however,  soon  subsided.  We  learned  after- 
ward, from  inquiry,  that  it  related  to  the  subject  of  forming  a 
convention  with  the  House  for  the  purpose  of  filling  vacan- 
cies, before  the  Senate  was  organized  ;  the  eight. Huntonites 
voting  in  favor  of  the  proposition,  and  eight  Smithites  against 
it.  A  vote  was  then  passed  to  proceed  to  ballot  for  President 
again,  and  luckily  for  us,  the  ballot-boxes  were  out  in  the 
lobby,  and  out  came  the  messenger,  cutting  his  way  like  a 
hero,  (we  like  to  have  said  hero  of  New  Orleans,  but  hap- 
pened to  think  some  would  say  we  were  taking  sides.)  We 
simply  say,  then,  he  cut  his  way  through  the  dense  rank  of 
spectators  like  a  hero,  and  we  crept  in  through  the  breach  he 
had  made.  The  committee  collected  the  votes  for  President 
and  retired.  In  about  ten  minutes  they  returned,  and  de- 
clared the  result— seven  for  Mr.  Dunlap,  seven  for  Mr.  Kings- 
bury, and  two  scattering. 

They  collected  the  votes  again,  and  retired  as  before,  and 
returned  as  before,  and  declared  the  same  result.    Again  they 


68  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

proceeded  in  the  same  round,  and  came  in  the  third  time,  and 
stood  ready  to  declare.  The  spectators  had  become  so  accus- 
tomed to  the  report— for  they  had  been  listening  to  the  same 
tune  nearly  three  weeks — that  they  were  whispering  it  ofiP  in 
advance  of  the  committee,  like  a  mischievous  and  sinful  boy 
running  ahead  of  some  good  old  country  Deacon,  who  always 
uses  the  same  words  in  prayer.  Judge  then,  ye  readers  of 
the  Courier,  what  unspeakable  astonishment  prevailed,  when 
from  the  lips  of  the  chairman  fell  the  startling  words,  eight 
for  Sanford  Kingsbury,  six  for  Robert  P.  Dunlap,  and  two 
scattering. 

The  effect  was  like  that  of  a  clap  of  thunder  in  the  dead  of 
winter  ;  some  faces  grew  longer,  and  some  grew  shorter  ;  in 
some  eyes  there  was  a  look  of  wildness  ;  in  others  a  leering 
complacency,  that  seemed  to  say,  "  you're  dished  at  last  ;" 
while  some  confounded  knowing  glances  from  other  quarters 
visibly  replied,  "  not  as  you  know  on."  And  to  be  sure  these 
last  were  in  the  right  ;  for  round  they  went  the  fourth  time, 
collected  the  ballots,  counted  them,  and  came  in  again.  Ex- 
pectation was  on  tiptoe,  and  speculation  was  very  busy. 
Some  thought  this  ballot  would  settle  the  question,  but  other.^ 
doubted.  The  committee  declared,  and  the  same  old  tune 
greeted  the  ears  of  the  audience— seven  for  Mr.  J3unlap,  seven 
for  Mr.  Kingsbury,  and  two  scattering. 

Another  extract  from  the  same, 

A  New  Tune.«-Wc  have  to  pitch  our  pipe  to  a  new  tunc 
this  morning.  The  second  great  battle  of  the  ecssion  w.as 
fought,  or  riUbcr  terminated  yesterday  afternoon.  After  a 
regular  engagement  for  eight  days   in   anccession,  during 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  59 

which  time  the  regular  armies  of  Huntonites  and  Smithites 
in  the  Senate  were  drawn  up  face  to  face,  forenoon  and  after- 
noon, exchanging'  some  half  a  dozen  shots  every  day,  and 
then  retiring  by  mutual  consent,  and  sleeping  upon  their 
arms,  the  conflict  was  ended  yesterday  afternoon  by  a  ruse  de 
guerre  on  the  part  of  the  Huntonites,  which  led  them  to  victo- 
ry without  bloodshed.  The  Senate  met  in  the  afternoon  at 
three  o'clock,  and  proceeded  to  their  usual  round  of  duties. 
The  committee  received  the  votes  for  President,  and  retired, 
and  came  in  again,  and  declared  in  the  strains  of  the  old  tune, 
seven  for  Mr.  Dunlap,  seven  for  Mr.  Kingsbury,  and  two 
scattering.  They  proceeded  again,  and  came  in  as  before. 
It  was  the  fiftieth  ballot  since  the  commencement  of  the  ses- 
sion ;  and  had  a  fifty  povMder  been  unexpectedly  discharged 
in  the  room,  it  would  hardly  have  produced  a  stronger  sensa- 
tion, than  the  declaration  of  the  committee,  when  they  piped 
away  in  the  following  new  tune  :  whole  number  of  votes,  15  ; 
necessary  to  a  choice,  8  ;  Joshua  Hall  has  8,  Robert  Dunlap, 
6  ;  James  Steele,  1  ;  blank,  1.  We  shall  not  attempt  to  de- 
scribe the  coloring  of  faces,  the  wiidness  of  eyes,  or  the  biting 
of  lips  that  ensued  ;  for,  not  arriving  in  season  we  did  not 
see  them.  But  we  have  no  doubt,  from  the  remarks  of  those 
who  were  present,  that  the  occasion  would  have  furnished  a 
scene  for  painting,  fully  equal,  if  not  surpassing  that  in  the 
House  on  the  choice  of  Speaker.  After  the  first  consternation 
had  subsided,  Mr,  Hall  was  declared  duly  elected  President 
of  the  Senate.  Whereupon  he  rose  in  his  place,  and  thanked 
the  gentlemen  of  the  Board  for  the  confidence  they  had  placed 
in  him.     He  doubted  his  abilities  to  discharge  properly  the 


60  MY  THIRTY  YEARS 

duties  assigned  him  ;  but   under  present   circumstances    he 
would  accept  the  trust.     He  accordingly  took  the  chair.* 


*  Editorial  Note. — Mr.  Hall,  or  Elder  Hall,  as  he  was  usually  called,  was 
a  Democratic  Republican,  but  chosen  President  exclusively  by  the  National 
Republican  votes,  he  throwing  a  blank  vote  himself.  He  was  a  short,  fleshy, 
good-hearted  old  gentleman,  a  minister  of  the  Methodist  denomination,  and 
knew  much  more  about  preaching  than  he  did  about  politics.  The  Demo- 
cratic Republicans  after  their  first  consternation  at  his  election  had  subsided, 
fearing  that  he  had  actually  gone  over  to  the  enemy,  took  measures  to  have 
a  private  consultation  with  him  immediately  after  adjournment.  This  inter- 
view resulted  in  nailing  the  old  gentleman  to  his  former  political  faith,  and 
he  stuck  to  the  party  like  wax  during  the  remainder  of  the  session.  So  the 
Senate  was  still  divided,  eight  to  eight,  except  when  the  four  new  Senators, 
elected  by  the  National  Republicans  to  fill  the  vacancies,  attempted  to  act. 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE. 


61 


LETTER  IV. 

COUSIN  NABBY  ABVISES  MR.  DOWNING  TO  COME  HOME. 


DowNiNGviLLE,  January  30,  1830. 
Dear  Cousin  :  If  you  were  only  here  I 
would  break  the  handle  of  our  old  birch 
broom  over  your  back  for  serving  me 
such  a  caper.  Here  I  have  been  waiting  three  weeks  for  that 
cotton  cloth  you  got  for  the  footings  ;  and  you  know  the 
meeting-house  windows  were  to  have  been  broke*  a  fortnight 
ago,  if  I  had  got  it.  And  then  I  had  to  tell  Sam  I  was  wait- 
ing for  some  cotton  cloth.  He  tried  to  keep  in  with  all  his 
might,  but  he  burst  out  a  laughing  so,  I'm  a  good  mind  to 
turn  him  off.     But  if  I    do,  you  and   he   will  he  loth  in  the  same 

*  Editorial  Note.— The  law  "  Down  East"  required  that  the  intentions  of 
marriage  between  a  couple  should  be  posted  up  at  the  meeting-house  by  the 
Town  Clerk  two  or  three  weeks  before  the  marriage  ;  and  this  was  called 
breaking  the  meeting-house  windows. 


Oa  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

j)ickle.  You  had  better  let  them  legislaters  alone  ;  and  if  yon 
can't  sell  your  ax-handles,  take  'em  and  come  home  and  mind 
your  business.  There  is  Jemime  Parsons  romping  about  with 
the  school-master,  fair  weather  and  foul.  Last  Wednesday 
she  went  a  sleigh-riding  with  him,  and  to-night  she's  going 
to  the  singing-school,  and  he  is  going  to  carry  her.  Last 
night  she  came  over  to  our  house,  and  wanted  me  to  go  to 
Uncle  Zeke's  to  borrow  their  swifts,  she  said,  when  she  knew 
we  had  some,  and  had  berried  them  a  dozen  times.  I  said 
nothing,  but  went  with  her.  When  we  got  there  who  should 
we  find  but  the  school-master.  I  know  Jemime  knew  it,  and 
went  there  purpose  to  have  him  go  home  with  her.  She 
never  askt  for  the  swifts.  Coming  home  the  master  askt  her 
if  she  had  seen  your  last  letter.  She  said  yes,  and  began  to 
laugh  and  talk  about  you,  just  as  though  I  was  no  relation. 
She  said  she  guessed  them  legislaters  would  try  to  make  a 
Governor  out  of  you  next,  if  you  staid  there  much  longer. 
One  of  them  steers  you  sold  to  Jacob  Small  that  week  you 
went  to  Portland  died  t'other  day  ;  and  he  says  if  we've  no 
Governor  this  year  he  won't  pay  you  a  cent  for  'em.  So  you 
have  lost  your  steers  and  Jemime  Parsons,  jest  by  your  dal- 
lying about  there  among  them  legislaters.  I  say  you  had 
better  come  home  and  see  to  your  own  business.  I  s'pose 
father  and  brother  Ephraim  would  like  to  have  you  stay  there 
all  inter  and  tell  'em  about  the  Governors  and  legislaters, 
but  aunt  wants  her  tea,  and  I  want  my  cotton  cloth,  so  I  wish 
you'd  make  haste  home  and  bring  'em. 


Your  loving  cousin,  Nabby. 


To  Mr.  Jack  Downing. 


OUT  OF  THE  SENATE.  63 


LETTER  V. 

MR,    DOWNING  TELLS   WHAT  A   HOBBLE   THE   LEGISLATURE  GOT   INTO    IN 
TRYING  TO  MAKE  SO  MANY  GOVERNORS. 

Portland,  Feb.  1,  1830. 
To  Cousin  Ejphraim  Downing,  up  in  Downingville  : 

Dear  Cousin  Ephraim: — I  spose  you  expected  me  to  write  to 
you  agin  long  afore  now  and  tell  you  something  more  about 
these  Legislators,  and  I  meant  to,  but  I  couldn't  very  well ; 
for  ril  tell  you  jest  how  'twas.  Some  days,  when  the  Legis- 
later  would  get  into  a  plaguey  hobble,  I  would  think  to  myself, 
well,  soon  as  they  get  out  of  this  snarl,  I'll  write  to  cousin 
Ephraim  and  tell  him  all  about  it  ;  but  before  they  got  fairly 
out  of  that,  they'd  be  right  into  another  ;  and  if  I  waited  till 
next  day  to  see  how  that  ended,  my  keesers  !  before  night 
they'd  all  be  higgledy  piggle,  in  a  worse  hobble  than  they'd 
ever  been  in  afore.  So  if  I  wait  to  tell  you  how  it  comes  out, 
I  believe  I  shall  have  to  wait  till  haying  time.  Another 
thing  I've  been  waiting  for,  was  to  tell  you  who  was  Gover- 
nor. But,  0  dear,  I  can't  find  out  half  so  much  about  it  now, 
here  in  this  great  city  of  Portland,  where  all  the  Governors 
live,  as  I  could  six  months  ago  among  the  bear-traps  and  log 
houses  in  our  town,  way  back  in  the  woods.  Last  August, 
you  know,  according  to  the  papers,  we  were  going  to  have 
two  Governors  right  off,  sure  as  rates — Mr.  Hunton  and  Mr. 
Smith.  Well,  now  it's  got  to  be  the  first  of  February,  and  we 
haven't  got  one  yet.     And,   although  the  Governor-makers 


64  MY    THIRTY   YEARS 

have  had  four  or  five  under  way  for  a  month  past,  some  think 
it  very  doubtful  whether  they  will  get  oue  done  so  as  to  be  fit 
to  use  this  year.  There's  Mr.  Hunton,  and  Mr.  Smith,  and 
Mr.  Cutler,  and  Mr.  Goodenow,  and  Mr.  Hall,  have  all  been 
partly  made  into  Governors  ;  but  when  in  all  creation  any  of 
'em  will  be  finished,  I  guess  it  would  puzzle  a  Fhiladelphy 
lawyer  to  tell.  I  stated  in  my  letter  to  Uncle  Joshua,  that 
there  were  two  very  clever  parties  in  the  Legislater,  the 
Democratic  Republikans  and  the  National  Republikans  ;  and 
they  are  so,  and  very  industrious,  and  try  to  make  things  go 
on  right  ;  and  I  really  believe,  if  the  confounded  Jacksonites 
and  Huntonites  didn't  bother  'em  so,  they'd  make  us  a  Gover- 
nor as  quick  as  I  could  make  an  ax  handle.  It  is  enough  to 
do  anybody's  heart  good  to  see  how  kind  and  obliging  these 
Democratic  Kepublikans  and  National  Republikans  are  to 
each  other,  and  how  each  party  tries  to  help  the  other  along  ; 
and  it's  enough  to  make  anybody's  blood  boil  to  see  the  Jack- 
sonites and  the  Huntonites,  jest  like  the  dog  in  the  manger, 
because  they  can't  eat  the  hay  themselves,  snap  at  these  two 
clever  parties  the  moment  either  of  'em  sets  out  to  take  a 
mouthful.  I'll  jest  give  you  an  instance  of  the  kindness  that 
these  two  clever  parties  show  to  each  other.  You  know  the 
Constitution  says  when  we  haven't  any  Governor  the  Presi- 
dent of  the  Sinnet  must  be  Governor,  and  when  we  haven't 
any  President  of  the  Sinnet,  the  Speaker  of  the  House  must  be 
Governor.  So  when  Governor  Lincoln  died  Mr.  Cutler  was 
Governor  for  awhile,  because  he  was  last  year  President  of 
the  Sinnet.  Mr.  Goodenow  is  a  National  Republikan,  and 
when  he  was  elected  Speaker  of  the  House,  the  Democratic 
Republikans  told  him  as  there  was  no  President  of  the  Sinnet 


OUT  OF  THE  SENATE.  65 

elected  yet,  it  belonged  to  him  to  be  Governor,  and  tried  as 
hard  as  though  he  had  belonged  to  their  own  party,  to  en- 
courage him  to  go  right  into  the  Council  Chamber  and  do  the 
Governor's  business.  But  the  National  Republikans  didn't 
dare  to  let  him  go,  for  he  was  elected  Speaker  by  only  one 
majority,  and  they  said  if  he  should  leave  the  chair,  it  wouldn't 
be  five  minutes  before  a  Jacksonite  would  be  whisked  into  it, 
and  then  the  two  clever  parties  would  all  be  up  a  tree.  Well, 
jest  so  'twas  in  the  Sinnet  after  Elder  Hall  was  elected  Presi- 
dent, only  the  bread  was  buttered  on  t'other  side.  Elder  Hall 
is  a  Democratic  Republikan,  and  there  was  a  great  deal 
tougher  scrabble  to  elect  him  than  there  was  to  choose  the 
Speaker  of  the  House.  But  as  soon  as  he  was  elected,  the 
National  Republikans  went  to  him  very  kindly,  and  said, 
"  Elder  Hall,  by  the  provisions  of  the  Constitution  you  are 
now  fairly  Governor  of  the  State  till  another  Governor  is 
qualified.  Don't  be  bashful  about  it,  but  please  to  walk  right 
into  the  council  chamber,  and  do  the  Governor's  business." 
But  the  Democratic  Republikans  said  that  would  never  do,  for 
if  hQ  should,  the  Sinnet  Board  would  be  capsized  in  an  instant 
and  the  Huntonites  would  rule  the  roast.  So  there  was  a  pair 
of  Governors  spoilt  when  they  were  more  than  half  made, 
jest  by  the  mischief  of  the  Jacksonites  and  Huntonites. 
And  the  consequence  is,  that  Mr.  Cutler  has  to  keep  doing  the 
Governor's  business  yet,  whether  he  wants  to  or  not,  and 
whether  it  is  right  for  him  to  or  not.  They  say  the  poor  man 
is  a  good  deal  distressed  about  it,  and  has  sent  to  the  great 
Judges  of  the  Supreme  Court  to  know  whether  it's  right  for 
him  to  be  Governor  any  longer  or  not.     If  the  Judges  should 

say  he  mus'nt  be  Governor  any  longer,  we  shall  be  in  a  dread" 
3* 


66  MY   THIRTY   YEARS 

ful  pickle.  Only  think,  no  Governor,  and  no  laws,  but  every- 
body do  jest  as  they're  a  mind  to.  Well,  if  that  should  be  the 
case,  I  know  one  thing,  that  is,  Bill  Johnson  will  get  one 
good  flogging  for  calling  me  a  mean  puppy  and  a  coward  last 
summer;  I've  longed  to  give  it  to  him  ever  since;  and  if  the 
Legislater  don't  make  a  Governor  this  winter,  I  shall  come 
right  home,  and  Bill  must  look  out.  What  a  pity  'tis  they 
should  waste  so  much  time  trying  to  make  so  many  Gover- 
nors; for,  if  they  should  make  a  dozen,  we  shouldn't  want  to 
use  but  one  this  year;  and  it  is  thought  if  they  had  all  clapt 
to  and  worked  upon  one  instead  of  working  upon  so  many, 
they  might  have  had  him  done  more  than  three  weeks  ago. 
Your  lovin  cousin, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  6t 


LETTER  VI. 

MR.   DOWNING   DESCRIBES  A   SAD  MISHAP  THAT   BEFELL  THE   HOUSE  OP 
REPRESENTATIVES,* 

Portland,  Tuesday,  Feb.  2,  1830. 
Dear  Cousin  ^phraih: — I  have  jest  time  to  write  you  a  short 
postscript  to  a  letter  that  I  shall  send  you  in  a  day  or  two. 
We  have  had  a  dreadful  time  here  to-day.  You  know  the 
wheels  of  Government  have  been  stopt  here  for  three  or  four 
weeks,  and  they  all  clapt  their  shoulders  under  to-day  and 
give  'em  a  lift;  and  they  started  so  hard,  that  as  true  as 
you're  alive  they  split  both  Legislaters  right  in  tu.  Some  say 
they  are  split  so  bad  they  can't  mend  'em  again,  but  I  hope 
they  can  though;  I  shall  tell  you  all  about  how  'twas  done,  in 
a  day  or  two.  I've  been  expecting  a  letter  from  you,  or  some 
of  the  folks,  sometime.    Your  hearty  cousin, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


*  Editorial  Note. — After  a  stormy  debate  in  the  House  in  relation  to  form- 
ing a  Convention  of  the  two  branches  to  fill  the  vacancies  in  the  Senate,  the 
National  Republicans  finally  carried  the  day;  whereupon  the  Democratic 
Republicans,  having  remonstrated  to  the  last,  took  their  hats  and  marched 
out  of  the  House  in  a  body,  about  sixty  in  number,  headed  by  Mr.  Smith,  of 
Nobleborough.  The  National  Republicans  of  the  two  branches,  however,  held 
the  Convention,  and  filled  the  vacancies  in  the  Senate,  and  the  next  day  the 
Democratic  Republicans  returned,  to  their  seats. 


68  MY   THIBTY    YEARS 


LETTER  YII. 

AFFAIRS  TAKE  A  MORE  FAVORABLE  TURN. 

Portland,  Feb.  3,  1830. 
Cousin  Ephraim: — I  thought  I  would  jest  write  you  another 
little  postscript  to  my  letter  that  I  was  going  to  send  you  in  a 
day  or  tu,  and  let  you  know  that  the  Legislaters  wan't  split 
so  bad  as  some  folks  tho't  for.  They've  got  'em  both  mended 
agin,  so  that  they  set  'em  agoing  to-day  afore  noon.  But  in 
the  afternoon,  that  Legislater  they  call  the  Sinnet  got  stuck, 
and  in  trying  to  make  it  go,  it  rather  seemed  to  crack  a  little; 
so  they  stopt  short  till  to-morrow.  It's  been  jostled  about  so, 
and  got  so  weak  an'  rickety,  some  are  afraid  it  will  give  out 
yet,  or  split  in  tu  agin. 

JACK  DOWNING. 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  69 


LETTER  VIII. 

MRS.  DOWNING  URGES  HER    SON    TO  COME  HOME. 

DowNiNGViLLE,  Feb.  6,  1830. 
My  Dear  Son  : — It's  a  good  while  since  I  writ  a  letter,  and  I 
almost  forget  how  ;  but  you  stay  down  there  to  Portland  so 
long,  I  kind  of  want  to  say  something  to  you.  I  have  been 
churning  this  morning,  and  my  hand  shakes  so  I  can't  hardly 
hold  my  pen  still.  And  then  I  am  afraid  the  news  I've  got  to 
tell  will  be  such  a  blow  to  you,  it  makes  me  feel  sort  of 
narvous.  Last  Sunday  the  schoolmaster  and  Jemime  Parsons 
had  their  names  stuck  up  together  in  the  meeting-house 
porch.  Now  I  hope  you  won't  take  on,  my  dear  Jack,  for  if  I 
was  you,  I  should  be  glad  to  get  rid  of  her  so.  I  guess  she's 
rather  slack,  if  the  truth  was  known  ;  for  I  went  in  there  one 
day,  and  she'd  jest  done  washing  the  floor  ;  and  I  declare,  it 
looked  as  gray  as  if  she'd  got  the  water  out  of  a  mud  puddle. 
And  then  she  went  to  making  pies  without  washing  her 
hands  or  shifting  her  apron.  They  made  me  stop  to  supper, 
but  I  never  touched  Jemime's  pies.  There's  Dolly  Spaulding, 
I'm  sure  she's  likelier  looking  than  Jemime  Parsons,  if 'twant 
for  that  habit  she's  got  of  looking  two  ways  at  once.  If  she's 
making  a  soup,  one  eye  is  always  in  the  pot,  if  t'other  does  look 
up  the  chimney.  She's  as  good  a  cook  as  ever  was  born,  and 
neat  as  wax-work.  Sally  Kean  was  to  our  house  spinning 
linen  t'other  day,  because  I  burnt  my  hand  so  bad  trying  out 
lard  I  couldn't  hold  the  thread,  and  she  said  Dolly  had  more 


to  MY  THIRTY  YEARS 

sheets  and  pillow-cases  than  you  could  count  for  one  while, 
and  she  is  always  making  blankets  and  coverlids.  She  has 
sold  footings  enough  to  buy  her  half  a  dozen  silver  spoons 
and  a  case  of  knives.  When  I  was  young  such  a  gal  would 
had  a  husband  long  ago.  The  men  didn't  use  to  ask  if  a  gal 
looked  one  way,  or  two  ways  with  her  eyes,  but  whether  she 
was  neat  and  smart ;  only  if  she  had  thin  lips  and  peaked 
nose,  they  were  sometimes  a  little  shy  of  her. 

0,  Jack,  I'm  afraid  these  Legislaters  will  be  the  ruination 
of  you!  'Twill  make  you  jest  like  your  Uncle  Joshua.  You 
know  he  had  rather  stand  and  dispute  about  politiks  any 
time,  than  work  on  his  farm,  and  talking  will  never  build  a 
stone  wall  or  pay  our  taxes. 

I  don't  care  so  much  about  the  shushon  as  your  poor  cousin 
Nabby  does  about  the  cotton  cloth.  But  your  father  has  got 
the  rumatiz  dreadfully  this  winter  ;  and  it's  rather  hard  for 
him  to  have  to  cut  all  the  wood  and  make  the  fires  this  cold 
weather.  I  can't  see  what  good  'twill  do  for  you  to  stay  in 
Portland  any  longer,  and  I  think  you  had  better  come  home 
and  see  a  little  to  the  work  on  the  farm. 

Your  loving  mother, 

MARY  DOWNING. 


OUT  OF  THE  SENATE.  H 


LETTER  IX. 

MR.  DOWNING  TELLS  ABOUT    TRIGGING  THE  WHEELS  OF  GOVERNMENT. 

Portland,  Thursday,  Feb.  11,  1830. 
Dear  Cousin  Ephraim:— IVe  wrote  you  two  postscripts  since  I 
wrote  you  a  letter,  and  the  reason  is,  these  Legislators  have 
been  carryin  on  so  like  all  possest,  and  I've  been  in  looking  at 
'em   so  much,  I  couldn't  get  time  to  write  more  than  three 
lines  at  once,  for  fear  I  should  be  out  of  the  way,  and  should 
miss  seeing  some  of  the  fun.     But,  thinkin  you'd  be  tired  of 
waiting,  I  tried  to  get  the  printer  to  send  my  letter  yester- 
day; but  he  told  me  right  up  and  down  he  couldn't.     I  told 
him  he  must,  for  I  ought  to  sent  before  now.     But  he  said  he 
couldn't  and  wouldn't,  and  that  was  the  upshot  of  the  matter, 
for  the  paper  was  chock  full,  and  more  tu,  of  the  Governor's 
message.     Bless  my  stars,  says  I,  and  have  we  got  a  Gover- 
nor done  enough  so  he  can  speak  a  message  ?    Yes,  indeed  we 
have,  says  he,  thanks  he  to  the  two  great  Republikin  parties,  who 
have  saved  the  State  from  the  anarkee  of  the  Jacksonites  and 
Huntonites;  the  Governor  is  done,  and  is  jest  a  going  into  the 
Legislator,  and  if  you'll  go  right  up  there,  you  can  see  him. 
So  I  pushed  in  among  the  crowd,   and  I  got  a  pretty  good 
squeezin  tu  ;  but  I  got  a  good  place,  for  I  could  elbow  it  as 
well  as  any  on  'em.    And  I  hadn't  been  there  five  minutes, 
seemingly,  before  we  had  a  Governor  sure  enough;  and  a  good 
stout,  genteel  looking  sort  of  a  man  he  was  tu,  as  you  would 
see  in  a  whole  regiment,  taking  in  captains  and  all.     Nobody 


12 


MY  THIRTY  YEARS 


disputed  that  he  was  finished  pretty  workmanlike  ;  and  he 
ought  to  be,  for  they'd  been  long-  enough  about  it.  So  they 
concluded  to  swear  him  in,  as  they  call  it,  and  he  took  a  great 
oath  to  behave  like  a  Governor  a  whole  year.  Some  say  the 
wheels  of  Government  will  go  along  smooth  and  easy  now, 
as  a  wheelbarrow  across  a  brick  yard  ;  but  some  shake  their 
heads,  and  say  the  wheels  will  be  jolting  over  rocks  and 
stumps  all  winter  yet ;  and  I  don't  know  but  they  will,  for  the 
Governor  hadn't  hardly  turned  his  back  upon  'em  and  gone 
out,  before  they  went  right  to  disputing  agin  as  hard  as  ever. 
They  took  up  that  everlasting  dispute  about  Mr.  Roberts  hav- 
ing a  seat ;  for,  if  you'll  believe  me,  they've  kept  that  poor 
man  standing  there  till  this  time. 

I'll  tell  you  how  'tis,  Cousin  Ephraim,  we  must  contrive 
some  way  or  other  to  keep  these  Jacksonites  and  Huntonites 
out  of  the  Legislater  another  year,  or  we  shall  be  ruin'd  ;  for 
they  make  pesky  bad  work,  trigging  the  wheels  of  Govern- 
ment. They've  trigged  'em  so  much  that  they  say  it  has  cost 
the  State  about  fifty  thousand  dollars  a'ready,  more  than 
'twould  if  they'd  gone  along  straight  without  stopping.  So 
you  may  tell  Uncle  Joshua  that  besides  that  bushel  of  corn  he 
lost  in  betting  about  the  Speaker,  he'll  have  to  shell  out  as 
much  as  two  bushels  more  to  pay  the  cost  of  trigging  the  wheels. 
Jingoe  I  sometimes  when  I've  seen  the  wheels  chocked  with 
a  little  trig  not  bigger  then  a  cat's  head,  and  the  whole  Le- 
gislater trying  with  all  their  might  two  or  three  days,  and 
couldn't  start  it  a  hair,  how  I've  longed  to  hitch  on  my  little 
speckled  four-years-old,  and  give  'em  a  pull ;  if  they  wouldn't 
make  the  wheels  fly  over  the  trigs  in  a  jiffy,  I  won't  guess 
agin.     T'other  day,  in  the  great  convention,  when  both  Legis- 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE. 


n 


laters  met  together  to  cliiise  some  Counsellors,  Mr.  Boutelle 
and  Mr.  Smitli,  of  Nobleborough,  tried  to  explain  how  'twas 
that  the  wheels  of  Government  were  trig'd  so  much.  Mr. 
Boutelle,  as  I  have  told  you  afore,  is  a  National  Republikan, 
and  Mr.  Smith  is  a  Democratic  Republikan.  They  differed  a 
little  in  their  opinion.  Mr.  Boutelle  seemed  to  think  the  trigs 
were  all  put  under  by  one  class  of  politicians,  and  from  what  he 
said,  I  took  it  he  meant  the  Jacksonites.  He  said  ever  since 
the  Legislater  began,  the  moment  they  started  the  wheels, 
that  class  of  politicians  would  throw  under  a  chock  and  stop 
'em  ;  and  which  ever  way  they  turned,  that  class  of  politi- 
cians would  meet  'em  at  every  corner  and  bring  'em  up  all 
standin.  Mr.  Smith  seemed  to  think  another  class  of  politi- 
cians had  the  greatest  hand  in  it,  and  it  was  pretty  clear  that 
he  meant  the  Huntonites.  He  said,  when  they  first  got  here 
that  class  of  politicians  sot  the  wheels  of  Government  rolling 
the  wrong  way ;  they  put  the  big  wheels  forward,  an4  the 
Legislater  had  been  going  backwards  ever  since,  jest  like  a 
lobster.  And  the  Huntonites  not  only  trig'd  the  wheels,  when- 
ever they  begun  to  roll  the  right  way  ;  but  as  soon  as  the 
"  blessed  Governor"  was  done  they  trig'd  him  tu  ;  and  though 
he  had  been  done  four  days,  they  wouldn't  let  him  come  into 
the  Legislater  so  that  their  eyes  could  be  blest  with  the  sight 
of  him.  So  from  what  I  can  find  out,  the  Jacksonites  and 
Huntonites  both  are  a  troublesome,  contrary  set,  and  there 
must  be  some  way  contrived  to  keep  'em  out  of  the  Legislater 
in  future. 

It  seems  soon  after  you  got  my  first  letter,  Uncle  Joshua 
tackled  up,  and  started  off  to  Boston  with  a  load  of  turkeys 
and  apple-sass.   I  had  a  letter  from  him  t'other  day,  as  long  as 


14  MY  THIRTY  YEARS 

all  out-doors,  in  the  Boston  Advertiser.  He  says  he  got  more  for 
the  turkeys  than  he  expected  tu  ;  but  I  think  it's  a  plaguey 
pity  he  didn't  bring  'em  to  Portland.  I  know  he'd  got  more 
than  he  could  in  Boston.  Provision  kind  is  getting  up  here 
wonderfully,  on  account  of  these  Legislaters  being  likely  to 
stay  here  all  winter  ;  and  some  think  they'll  be  here  half  the 
summer  tu.  And  then  there's  sich  a  cloud  of  what  they  call 
lobby  members  and  office-hunters  that  the  butchers  have  got 
frightened,  and  gone  to  buying  up  all  the  beef  and  pork  they 
can  get  hold  on,  far  and  near,  for  they  are  afraid  a  famine 
will  be  upon  us  next.  Howsomever,  Uncle  Joshua  did  well  to 
carry  his  "  puckery  apple-sass"  to  Boston.  He  couldn't  get  a 
cent  for't  here  ;  for  everybody's  puckery  and  sour  enough  here 
now. 

Give  my  love  to  father  and  mother  and  cousin  Nabby.     I 
shall  answer  their  letters  as  soon  as  I  can. 

Your  lovin  cousin, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


OUT  OF  THE  SENATE.  15 


LETTER  X. 

MR.  DOWNING  ADVISES  UNCLE  JOSHUA  TO  HOLD  ON  TO  HIS  BUSHEL  OF 
CORN,  BECAUSE  THE  LEGISLATURE  HAD  BEGUN  TO  "  RIP  UP  THEIR 
DUINS." 

Portland,  Friday,  Feb.  12,  1830. 
Jl^"  This  with  care  and  speed. 

Dear  Uncle  :— If  you  haven't  paid  over  that  are  bushel  of 
corn  yet  that  you  lost  when  you  bet  Mr.  Ruggles  would  be 
Speaker,  hold  on  to  it  for  your  life,  till  you  hear  from  me  agin, 
for  I  aint  so  clear  but  you  may  save  it  yet.  They've  gone  to 
rippin  up  their  duins  here,  and  there's  no  knowing  but  they 
may  go  clear  back  to  the  beginning  and  have  another  tug 
about  Speaker.  At  any  rate,  if  your  bushel  of  corn  isn't  gone 
out  of  your  crib  yet,  I  advise  you  by  all  means  to  keep  it 
there. 

Tell  'Squire  N.  the  question  isn't  settled  yet  ;  and  you 
won't  shell  out  a  single  kernel  till  it  is  fairly  nailed  and 
clinched,  so  it  can't  be  ript  up  agin.  I'll  tell  you  what  'tis. 
Uncle  Josh,  the  Supreme  Court  beats  the  Jacksonites  and 
Huntonites  all  hollow  for  trigging  the  wheels.  You  know, 
after  they  had  such  a  tussle  for  about  a  week  to  choose  Elder 
Hall  President  of  the  Sinnet,  and  after  he  come  in  at  last  all 
hollow,  for  they  said  he  had  a  majority  of  eight  out  of  sixteen, 
they  went  on  then  two  or  three  weeks  nicely,  duin  business 
tie  and  tie,  hard  as  they  could.  Then  up  steps  the  Judges  of 
the  Supreme  Court  and  tells  Mr.  Hall  he  was  Governor,  and 


76  MY  THIRTY  YEAES 

ought  to  go  into  the  Council  Chamber.  They  seemed  to  be  a 
little  bit  thunder  struck  at  first.  But  they  soon  come  to  agin, 
and  Elder  Hall  got  out  of  the  chair,  and  Mr.  Kingsbury  got 
into  it,  and  they  jogged  along  another  week,  duin  business 
as  hard  as  ever.  They  said  all  the  chairs  round  the  table 
ought  to  be  filled,  so  they  changed  works  with  the  House, 
and  made  four  more  Sinneters.  So  having  four  good  fresh 
hands  come  in,  they  took  hold  in  good  earnest  and  turned  off 
more  business  in  two  days  than  they  had  done  in  a  month  be- 
fore. 

Then  up  steps  the  Supreme  Court  agin,  and  tells  'em  their 
cake  is  all  dough  ;  for  they  hadn't  been  duin  constitutional. 
This  was  yesterday,  and  it  made  a  dreadful  touse.  They  went 
right  to  work  rippin  up  and  tarein  away  what  they'd  been 
duin  ;  and  before  nine  o'clock  in  the  evening  they  turned  out 
the  four  new  Sinneters,  out  of  their  chairs,  and  appointed  a 
committee  to  begin  to  make  four  more.  They  took  hold  so 
ha'sh  about  it,  I  s'pose  some  of  the  rest  of  the  Sinneters  begun 
to  be  afraid  they  should  be  ripped  up  tu;  so  they  cleared  out,  I 
guess  near  about  half  on  'em,  and  haven't  been  seen  nor  heard 
of  to-day.  Some  of  'em  that  had  more  courage  went  in  and 
tried  to  du  business  ;  but  there  wasn't  enough  of  'em  to  start 
an  inch.  They  sent  a  man  all  round  town  in  the  forenoon  and 
afternoon  to  tell  'em  to  come  in  and  go  to  work,  but  he 
couldn't  find  hide  nor  hair  of  one  of  'em.  Elder  Hall  said  he. 
guessed  they  must  he  somewhere  in  a  convention. 

Some  say  they'll  rip  up  the  new  Counsellors  next,  and  then 
the  Governor,  cause  the  new  Sinneters  helpt  make  'em  all. 
But  there's  one  comfort  left  for  us,  let  the  cat  jump  which  way 
'twill ;  if  Mr.  Hunton  is'nt  a  constitutional  Governor,  Elder 


OUT  OF  THE  SENATE.  77 

Hall  is  ;  the  Judges  have  nailed  that  fast.  So  I  think  Bill 
Johnson  will  get  off  with  a  whole  skin,  for  I  shan't  dare  to 
flog  him  this  year.  If  they  go  clear  back  to  the  Speaker  and 
decide  it  in  favor  of  your  bushel  of  corn,  I  shall  let  you  know 
as  soon  as  possible.     Your  loving  neffu, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


78  MT    THIRTY    YEARS 


LiiiTfcJK  XL 

MK.  DOWNING  DESCRIBES  SOME  QUEER  DUINS  IN  THE  SENATE.* 

Portland,  Wednesday,  Feb.  It,  1830. 
To  Cousin  JEpkraim  JDowniTig  up  in  Doivningville  : 

Dear  Cousin  Ephraim  : — Here  I  am  yet,  and  haven't  much 
else  to  do,  so  I  might  as  well  keep  writin  to  you  ;  for  I  s'pose 
Uncle  Joshua's  in  a  peck  of  trouble  about  his  bushel  of  corn. 
I'm  pesky  'fraid  he'll  lose  it  yet :  for  they  don't  seem  to  rip 
up  worth  a  cent  since  the  first  night  they  begun.  The  truth 
was,  they  took  hold  rather  tu  ha'sh  that  night  ;  and  rippin  up 
them  are  four  new  Sinneters  so  quick,  they  scart  away  four  or 
five  more  old  ones,  so  they  didn't  dare  to  come  in  again  for  tu 
days,  And  that  threw  'em  all  into  the  suds,  head  and  ears. 
It  was  worse  than  trigging  the  wheels,  for  it  broke  the  Sinnet 


*  Editorial  Note.-— The  Democratic  Republicans  insisted  that  the  Conven- 
tion which  filled  the  vacancies  in  the  Senate  was  not  constitutional,  and  refused 
to  recognize  the  new  members  at  the  Board,  and  the  President  refused  to 
count  their  votes.  After  considerable  turmoil  the  four  new  Senators  with- 
drew ;  in  consequence  of  which  several  others  of  the  same  party  withdrew 
also,  so  that  there  was  not  a  quorum  left  to  do  business.  After  two  or  three 
days,  however,  they  returned,  and  the  new  Senators  re-asserted  their  claim:? 
to  a  seat.  Great  confusion  ensued ;  the  President  refused  to  count  their 
votes  ;  and  taking  the  votes  of  the  other  members  he  declared  the  Senate  ad- 
journed. The  National  Republicans  refused  to  consider  it  an  adjournment, 
kept  their  scats,  and  began  to  talk  of  re-organizing  the  Senate  by  choosing  a 
new  President.  Elder  Hall,  therefore,  fearing  the  chair  would  be  immediate- 
ly filled  again  if  he  left  it,  kept  his  seat,  but  still  repeatedly  declared  the 
Senate  adjourned.  The  particulars  of  the  scene  are  more  minutely  described 
in  the  Major's  letter. 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  19 

wheel  right  in  tu,  and  left  it  so  flat  that  all  Job's  oxen  never 
could  start  it,  if  they  hadn't  got  it  mended  again.  They  tried, 
and  tried  to  keep  duin  something,  but  they  couldn't  du  the 
leastest  thing.  One  lime  they  tried  to  du  something  with  a 
little  bit  of  a  message  that  was  sent  to  'em  on  a  piece  of  paper 
from  the  House.  The  President  took  it  in  his  hand,  and  held 
it  up,  and  asked  'em  what  was  best  to  du  with  it.  Some  of 
'em  motioned  that  they'd  lay  it  on  the  table  ;  but  come  to  con- 
sider on  it,  they  found  they  couldn't  according  to  the  Consti- 
tution, without  there  was  more  of  'em  to  help;  for  they  hadn't 
got  a  korum.  They  said  they  couldn't  lay  it  on  the  table,  nor 
du  nothin  at  all  with  it.  I  was  afraid  the  poor  old  gentleman 
would  have  to  stand  there  and  hold  it  till  they  got  the  wheel 
mended  agin.  But  I  believe  he  finally  ht  it  dro^  on  the  table  ; 
and  I  s'pose  there  was  nothin  in  the  Constitution  against 
that. 

They  got  the  wheel  mended  Monday  about  eleven  er  clock, 
so  they  could  start  along  a  little.  But  them  are  four  new 
Sinneters  that  they  ript  up  Thursday  night,  come  right  back 
agin  Monday,  and  sot  down  to  the  great  round  table  ;  and 
stood  tu  it  through  thick  and  thin,  that  they  wan't  ript  up  and 
no  such  thing.  Well,  this  kicked  up  a  kind  of  a  bobbery 
among  'em,  so  they  thought  they'd  try  to  'journ.  The  Presi- 
dent counted  'em,  and  said  they  were  'journed,  and  might  go 
out.  One  of  the  new  Sinneters  said  the  President  didn't  count 
right,  and  they  wan't  'journed  a  bit ;  and  they  must  set  still 
and  have  an  overhauling  about  it, 

So  they  set  down  agin,  all  but  four  or  five  Democratic 
Republicans,  that  put  on  their  hatd  and  great  coats  and  stood 
backside  of  the  room.    The  room  was  chock  full  of  folks  look- 


80 


MY    THIRTY    YEARS 


ing  on,  and  the  President  told 'em  the  Sinnet  was  'journed  and 
they  might  as  Avell  go  out,  but  they  did  not  seem  to  keer  tu, 
and  they  put  their  hats  on  and  began  to  laugh  like  fun.  The 
President  sot  still  in  his  cheer,  for  I  s'pose  he  thought  if  he 
left  it  some  of  them  are  roguish  fellers  -would  be  gettin'  into 
it.     The  man  that  keeps  order  told  the  folks  they  must  take, 


/. 


n  riiiii 


ELDER  HALL  ADJOURNING  THE  SENATE. 

their  hats  cff  when  they  were  in  the  Sinnet  ;  but  they  said 
they  wouldn't  'cause  the  Sinnet  ^as  ajourned.  Then  the 
man  went  and  asked  the  President  if  the  Sinnet  was  ajourned, 
and  the  President  said  'twas,  and  there  was  no  doubt  about 
it.      And  the  spectators  felt  so  tickled  to  think  they  could 


OUT  OF  THE  SENATE.  81 

weai  their  hats  when  the  Sinneters  were  setting  round  the 
great  table,  that  they  kind  of  whistled  a  little  bit  all  over  the 
room. 

Finally,  after  settin  about  half  an  hour,  another  man  got  up 
and  motioned  to  adjourn,  and  the  President  got  up  and  put  it 
to  vote  agin.  He  told  'em  if  they  wanted  to  ajourn  they  must 
say  ah,  and  they  all  said  ah  this  time,  and  cleared  out  in  five 
minutes. 

But  about  this  rippin  up  business  ;  instead  of  rippin  up  the 
Counsellors,  as  some  thought  they  would,  both  Legislators 
met  together  to-day,  and  called  in  four  of  the  Counsellors,  and 
nailed  'em  down  harder  with  an  oath. 

They've  sot  the  committees  to  work  like  fun  now,  and  it's 
thought  they'll  turn  off  business  hand  over  hand  ;  for  you 
know  it's  almost  March,  and  then  the  great  Supreme  Court 
meets  here.  And  they  say  they  have  a  grand  jury  that  picks 
up  all  disorderly  and  mischievous  folks,  and  carries  'em  into 
court,  and  the  court  puts  'em  in  jail,  These  Legislaters  have 
been  cutting  up  such  rigs  here  all  winter,  that  they  begin  to 
look  pretty  shy  when  anything  is  said  about  the  first  of 
March,  and  I  don't  believe  the  grand  jury '11  be  able  to  find  a 
single  mother's  son  of  'em  when  the  court  gets  here. 

From  your  cousin, 

JACK  DOWNING. 
4  / 


82  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 


LETTER  XII. 

MR.  DOWNING  TELLS  WHAT  IT  MEANS  TO    SET  UP  A  CANDIDATE  FOR 
OFFICE. 

Portland,  Tuesday,  March  16,  1830. 
To  Uncle  Joshua  Downing  up  in  Downingville : 

Dear  Uncle  Joshua  : — There's  a  hot  time  ahead.  I  almost 
dread  to  think  of  it.  I'm  afraid  there's  going  to  be  a  worse 
scrabble  next  summer  to  see  who  shall  go  to  the  State  husk- 
ing than  there  was  last.  The  Huntonites  and  Smithites  are 
determined  to  have  each  of  'em  a  Governor  agin  nest  year. 
They've  sot  up  their  candidates  on  both  sides  ;  and  who  in 
all  the  world  should  you  guess  they  are  ?  The  Huntonites 
have  sot  up  Mr.  Hunton,  and  the  Smithites  have  sot  up  Mr. 
Smith.  You  understand  what  it  means,  I  s'pose,  to  set  up  a 
candidate.  It  means  the  same  as  it  does  at  a  shooting  match 
to  set  up  a  goose  or  a  turkey  to  be  fired  at.  The  rule  of  the 
game  is,  that  the  Smithites  are  to  fire  at  Mr.  Hunton,  and  the 
Huntonites  are  to  fire  at  Mr.  Smith.  They  think  it  will  take 
a  pretty  hard  battle  to  get  them  both  in.  But  both  parties 
Bay  they've  got  the  constitution  on  their  side,  so  I  think  likely 
they'll  both  beat. 

They've  been  piling  up  a  monstrous  heap  of  ammunitioa 
this  winter— enough  to  kcop  'em  firing  all  summer  ;  and  I 
guess  it  won't  bo  long  before  you'll  sec  the  smoke  rising  all 
over  the  State,  wherever  there's  a  newspaper.  I  think  these 
nowspapers  aro  droadfiii   sin  )ky  thinge  ;  th(3y  are  enough  to 


OUT  OF  THE  SENATE.  83 

blind  anybody'ij  eyes  any  time.  I  mean  all  except  the  Daily 
Courier,  that  I  send  my  letters  in  ;  I  never  see  much  smoke 
in  that.  But  take  the  rest  of  the  papers  that  talk  about  poli- 
tics, and  patriotism,  and  Republikanism  and  Federalism,  and 
Jacksonism,  and  Hartford  Conventionism,  and  let  anybody 
read  in  one  of  'em  half  an  hour,  and  his  eyes  will  be  so  full  of 
smoke  he  can't  see  better  than  an  owl  in  the  sunshine  :  he 
wouldn't  be  able  to  tell  the  difference  between  a  corn-stalk 
and  the  biggest  oak  tree  in  our  pasture. 

Your  neffu, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


84  MY  THIRTY  YEARS 


LETTER  XIII. 

MR.  DOWNING  TELLS  HOW  THE  LEGISLATURE  CLEARED  OUT,  AND  HOW 
ELDER  HALL  WENT  HOME. 

Portland,  Monday,  March  22,  1830. 
To  Cousin  Ejphraim  Downing  up  in  DowningvilU  : 

Cousin  Ephraim  : — I  kind  of  want  to  say  a  few  more  words 
to  you  about  the  Legislators.  You  know  they  came  together 
here  in  the  first  of  the  winter  in  a  kind  of  a  stew,  and  they 
had  storms  and  tempests  among  'em  all  the  time  they  staid 
here,  and  finally  they  went  off  Friday  in  a  sort  of  whirlwind 
or  harricane,  I  don't  know  which.  They  were  dreadful  kind 
of  snappish  the  last  day  they  were  here  ;  they  couldn't  hardly 
touch  a  single  thing  without  quarreling  about  it.  They  quar- 
reled about  paying  some  of  the  folks  they  hired  to  work  for 
'em  ;  and  they  quarreled  ever  so  long  about  paying  them  are 
four  Sinneters  that  were  chose  in  the  conv^ention  ;  and  at  last 
they  got  to  quarreling  like  cats  and  dogs  to  see  if  they  should 
thank  the  President  and  Speaker  for  all  the  work  they've  done 
this  winter.  But  they  had  to  thank  'em  at  last.  And  then 
Mr.  Goodnow,  the  Speaker  in  that  Legislator  they  call  the 
House,  got  up  and  talked  to  'em  so  pleasant,  and  kind,  and 
scripture-like,  it  made  'em  feel  a  little  bad  ;  some  of  'em 
couldn't  hardly  help  shedding  tears.  I  tho't  them  are,  that 
had  been  quarreling  so,  must  feel  a  little  sheepish. 

That  are  Elder  Hall,  that  was  President  of  the  Sinnet, 
seemed  to  bo  the  most  poplar  man  in  the  whole  bunch  of  both 


OUT  OF  THE  SENATE.  85 

Legislaters.  There  wasn't  one  of  the  rest  of  'em  that  could 
work  it  so  as  to  make  both  parties  like  'em.  But,  some  how 
or  other,  he  did.  The  National  Republikans  liked  him  so  well 
that  they  all  voted  for  him  for  President  ;  and  the  Democrat- 
ic Republikans  liked  him  so  well  that  they  all  voted  to  thank 
him  when  they  went  away.  And  I  don't  so  much  wonder  at 
it,  for  he  seemed  to  me  to  be  about  the  cleverest,  good-natured 
old  gentleman  that  ever  I  see. 

It's  true  the  old  gentleman  had  rather  hard  work  to  keep 
the  wheels  of  Government  going  in  the  Sinnet  this  winter  ; 
and  they  would  get  trig'd  every  little  while  in  spite  of  all  he 
could  do.  I  s'pose  this  made  him  rath  iv  shy  of  all  kinds  of 
wheels  ;  for  he  wouldn't  go  home  in  a  stage,  nor  a  wagon, 
nor  a  shay.  These  kind  of  carts  all  have  wheels,  and  I  s'pose 
he  thought  they  might  get  trig'd,  and  he  wouldn't  hardly  get 
home  all  summer.  So  he  concluded  to  go  by  water  ;  and 
he  went  aboard  a  vessel  Saturday  night,  and  sailed  for  Down 
East ;  and  as  true  as  you  are  alive,  before  the  next  day  noon 
the  wheels  of  the  vessel  got  trig'd  ;  though  they  said  the  ves- 
sel didn't  go  on  wheels,  but  some  how  or  other  it  got  trig'd, 
and  back  they  came  next  day  into  Portland  again,  and  there 
they  had  to  stay  till  Monday,  because  the  wind  didn't  blow 
according  to  the  constitution  But  President  Hall,  you  know, 
isn't  the  man  to  leave  his  post  in  time  of  difficulty  ;  so  he 
never  adjourned,  nor  came  ashore,  but  stuck  to  the  rack  till 
Monday,  when  a  good  constitutional  breeze  sprung  up,  and 
they  sot  sail  again.  And  I  wish  him  a  pleasant  passage  home, 
and  peace  and  happiness  after  he  gets  there  ;  for,  as  I  said 
afore,  I  don't  think  there's  a  cleverer  man  anywhere  Down 
East.     From  your  cousin,  JiVGK  DOWNING. 


86  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 


LETTER  XIV. 

MR.  DOWNING  HINTS  TO  UNCLE  JOSHUA  THAT  HE  HAS  A  PROSPECT  OF 
BEING  NOillNATED    FOR  GOVERNOR. 

Portland,  April  14,  1830. 
To  Uncle  Joshua  Downing,  up  in  Downingville  : 

Uncle  Joshua  : — There's  one  thing,  uncle,  that  seems  to 
wear  pretty  hard  upon  my  mind,  and  plagues  me  a  good  deal; 
I  haven't  slept  but  little  this  tu  three  nights  about  it.  I  wish 
you  wouldn't  say  anything  about  it  up  there  amongst  our 
folks,  for  if  it  should  all  prove  a  fudge,  they'd  be  laughing  at 
me.  But  I  tell  it  to  you,  because  I  want  your  advice,  as 
you've  alway-s  read  the  papers,  and  know  considerable  about 
political  matters  ;  tho',  to  be  honest,  I  don't  s'pose  any  one 
knows  much  more  about  politics  by  reading  the  papers,  after 
all. 

But  what  I  was  goin  to  tell  you  is — now,  uncle  don't  twist 
your  tobacco  chaw  over  to  t'other  corner  of  your  mouth,  and 
leer  over  your  spectacles,  and  say.  Jack's  a  fool — what  I  was 
goin  to  tell  you  is  this:  I  see  by  a  paper  printed  down  to  Bruns- 
wick, that  they  talk  of  nominating  me  for  Governor  to  run  down 
Smith  and  Hunton.  Think  of  that,  uncle  ;  your  poor  neffu, 
Jack,  that  last  summer  was  hoeing  about  among  the  potatoes, 
and  chopping  wood,  and  making  stone  walls,  like  enough  be- 
fore another  summer  comes  about  will  be  Governor  of  the 
State.  I  shall  have  a  better  chance  to  flog  Bill  Johnson  then, 
than  I  should  last  winter,  if  we   hadn't  had  no  Governor  nor 


OUT  OF  THE  SENATE.  81 

no  laws  ;  for  I  s'posc  a  Governor  has  a  right  to  flog  anybody 
he's  a  mind  to. 

But  that's  nither  here  nor  there,  Uncle  ;  I  want  your  serious 
advice.  If  they  nominate  me,  had  I  letter  accept  ?  Sometimes 
I'm  half  afraid  I  shouldn't  understand  very  well  how  to  du  the 
business  ;  for  I  never  had  a  chance  to  see  any  Governor 
business  done,  only  what  I  see  Elder  Hall  du  in  the  Sinnet 
chamber  last  winter.  Poor  man,  that  makes  me  think  what 
a  time  he  had  going  home.  I  wrote  to  you  before  that  he 
went  by  water,  and  that  the  vessel  got  trig'd  by  an  unconsti- 
tutional wind  the  first  day,  and  had  to  come  back  again.  And 
he  must  have  found  a  good  many  hard  trigs  after  that,  for  he 
didn't  get  home  till  2d  day  of  April. 

Where  he  was  in  that  dreadful  storm,  the  26th  of  March,  I 
have  not  heard.  But  I  should  think,  after  standing  the  racket 
he  did  last  winter  in  the  Legislater,  and  then  this  ere  storm 
at  sea,  he  need  never  to  fear  anything  on  land  or  water  again 
in  this  world. 

I  wish  you'd  write  me  what  you  think  about  my  being  a 
candidate  for  Governor,  and  whether  you  think  I  could  get 
along  with  the  business.  Considerable  part  of  the  business 
I  shouldn't  be  a  mite  afraid  but  what  I  could  du  ;  that  is  the 
turning  out  and  ^putting  in.  I  know  every  crook  and  turn  of  that 
business  ;  for  I  don't  believe  there's  a  boy  in  our  county, 
though  I  say  it  myself,  thaVs  turned  out  and  tied  up  more  cattle 
than  1  have.  And  they  say  a  Governor  has  a  good  deal  of  this 
sort  of  work  to  du. 

No  more  at  present  from  your  loving  neffu, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


88  MY    TfllRTY    YEARS 


LETTER  XV. 

UNCLE  JOSHUA  SHOTTS  REMARKABLE  SKILL  IN  THE  SCIENCE  OF  POLITICS 
AND  ADVISES  MR.  DOWNING  BY  ALL  MEANS  TO  STAND  AS  A  CANDIDATE 
FOR   GOVERNOR. 

DoTTNiNGViLLE,  April  18th,  1830. 
To  my  ncffu  Jack  Downing,  at  Portland : 

Dear  Jack  :— I  never  felt  nicer  in  my  life  than  I  did  when 
I  got  your  last  letter.  I  did  think  it  was  a  kind  of 
foolish  notion  in  you  to  stay  down  there  to  Portland  all  win- 
ter, and  then  hire  out  there  this  summer.  I  thought  you'd  bet- 
ter be  at  home  to  work  on  the  farm  ;  for  your  father,  poor  old 
gentleman,  is  hauled  up  with  the  rhenmatize  so,  he  won't  be 
able  to  du  hardly  a  week's  work  this  summer.  But  I  begin 
to  believe  Jack  knows  which  side  his  bread  is  buttered  yet. 
For  if  you  can  only  run  pretty  well  as  a  candidate  for  Gover- 
nor, even  if  you  shouldn't  be  elected,  it  will  be  worth  more  to 
you  than  the  best  farm  in  this  county.  It  will  be  the  means 
of  getting  you  into  some  good  office  before  long,  and  then 
you  can  step  up,  ye  see,  from  one  office  to  another  till  you  get 
to  be  Governor.  But  if  the  thing  is  managed  right,  I'm  in 
hopes  you'll  get  in  this  time,  and  the  Dowuings  will  begin  to 
look  up,  and  be  somebody.  It's  a  very  good  start,  your  being 
nominated  in  that  are  paper  down  to  Brunswick.  But  there's 
a  good  deal  to  be  done  yet,  to  carry  it.  I'm  older  than  you 
are,  and  have  seen  more  of  this  kind  of  business  done  than 
you,  and  of  course  ought  to  know  more  about  it.  Besides, 
you  know  I've  always  been  reading  the  papers.     Well,  in  the 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  89 

first  place,  ycu  must  fix  upon  the  name  of  your  party  ;  I'm 
thinking  you  better  call  it  the  Democratic  National  Republican 
party,  and  then,  ye  see,  you'll  haul  in  some  from  both  of  the 
two  clever  parties  in  the  State.  As  for  the  Jacksonites  and 
Iluntonites,  I  wouldn't  try  to  get  any  support  fiom  them  ;  for 
after  the  rigs  they  cut  up  in  the  Legislater  last  winter  the 
people  back  here  in  the  country  don't  like  'em  very  well.  I 
think  it  would  hurt  you  to  have  anything  to  do  with  'cm. 
Then  you  must  get  a  few  of  your  friends  together  in  Poitland, 
no  matter  if  there  ain't  no  more  than  half  a  dozen,  and  pass 
some  patriotic  resolutions,  and  then  publish  the  duins  of  the 
meeting  in  the  paper,  headed,  the  voice  of  the  people  ;  and 
then  go  on  to  say,  **  at  a  numerous  and  respectable  meeting 
of  Democratic  National  Republicans,  held  in  Portland  at  such 
a  time,"  &c., 

"  Resolved,  unanimously,  That  we  have  perfect  confidence 
in  the  exalted  talents,  the  unspotted  integrity,  and  well-known 
patriotism  of  Mr.  Jack  Downing,  [or  perhaps  it  should  be  the 
Hon.  Jack  Downing,]  and  that  we  cheerfully  recommend  him 
to  the  people  of  this  State  as  a  candidate  for  the  office  of  Gov- 
ernor. 

"  Resolved,  That  his  well-known  attachment  to  the  interests, 
the  principles,  and  usages  of  the  Democratic  National  Repub- 
lican party,  eminently  entitles  him  to  their  confidence  and 
support. 

"Resolved,  As  the  sense  of  this  meeting,  that  nothing  short 

of  the  election  of  that  firm  patriot,  the  Hon.  Jack  Downing, 

can  preserve  the  State  from  total,  absolute,  and  irretrievable 

destruction 

"Resolved,  That  a  county  convention  be  called  to  ratify 
4* 


90  MY    THIRTY   YEARS 

the  doings  of  this  meeting,  and  that  the  Democratic  National 
Republicans  in  other  counties  be  requested  to  call  Conven- 
tions for  the  same  purpose. 

"  Resolved,  That  the  proceedings  of  this  meeting  be  pub- 
lished in  all  the  Democratic  National  Republican  newspapers 
in  the  State." 

We  will  then  get  up  such  a  meeting  in  this  town,  and  pass 
some  more  highly  patriotic  resolutions  and  send  'era  down,  and 
you  must  have  'em  put  into  the  paper,  headed  a  voice  from  the 
COUNTRY.  And  then  we  must  get  a  few  together  somewhere, 
and  call  it  a  County  Convention,  and  keep  rolling  the  snow-ball 
over,  till  we  wind  up  the  whole  State  in  it.  Then,  ye  see, 
about  the  first  of  August  we  must  begin  to  pin  it  down  pretty 
snug  in  the  papers.  Kind  of  touch  it  up  somehow  like  this  : 
Extract  of  a  letter  from  a  gentleman  of  the  first  respectability 
in  York  County  to  the  Central  Committee  in  Portland.  "  The 
Democratic  National  Republicans  here  are  wide  awake  ;  York 
County  is  going  for  Mr.  Downing,  all  hollow  ;  we  shall  give 
him  in  this  county  at  least  a  thousand  majority  over  both 
Smith  and  Hunton."  Another  from  Penobscot  :  "  Three  quar- 
ters of  the  votes  in  this  county  will  be  given  to  Mr.  Downing; 
the  friends  of  Smith  and  Hunton  have  given  up  the  (question, 
so  satisfied  are  they  that  there  is  no  chance  for  them." 

Another  from  Kennebec  :  "  From  information  received  from 
all  parts  of  the  State,  upon  which  perfect  reliance  can  be 
placed,  we  are  enabled  to  state,  for  the  information  of  our 
Democratic  National  Republican  friends,  that  there  is  not  the 
least  shadow  of  doubt  of  the  election  of  Mr.  Downing.  It  is 
now  rendered  certain  beyond  the  possibility  of  mistake,  that 


OUT   OF   THE    SENATE.  91 

he  will  receive  frcm  five  to  ten  thousand  majority  over  loth  the  other 
candidates" 

If  this  don't  carry  it,  you'll  have  to  hang  up  your  fiddle  till 
another  year.  And  after  the  election  is  over,  if  you  shouldn't 
happen  to  get  hardly  any  votes  at  all,  you  must  turn  about 
with  perfect  indifference,  and  say  the  Democratic  National 
Republicans  didn't  try — made  no  effort  at  all— but  will  un- 
do abtedly  carry  the  election  next  year  all  hollow, 

P.  S — If  you  get  in  I  shall  expect  my  ron  Ephraim  to  have 
the  office  of  Sheriff  in  this  county.  The  other  offices  we'll 
distribute  at  our  leisure. 

Your  affectionate  uncle, 

jn^r^HUA  POVVNING. 


92  MY  THmiY  YEAES 


LETTER  XVI. 

MK.    DOTTXIXG  GIVES  HIS  OPIXIOX  ABOUT  NEWSPAPERS. 

Extract  of  Letter  to  Uncle  Joshua. 

Portland,  March  30,  1830. 

In  one  of  my  letters,  you  know,  I  said  newspapers  wore 
dreadful  smoky  things,  and  anybody  couldn't  read  in  'em  half 
an  hour  without  having  their  eyes  so  full  of  smoke  they 
couldn't  tell  a  pig-stj^  from  a  meeting-house. 

But  I'm  thinking,  after  all,  they  are  more  like  rum  than 
smoke.  You  know  rum  will  sometimes  set  quite  peaceable 
folks  together  by  the  ears,  and  make  them  quarrel  like  mad 
dogs — so  do  the  newspapers.  Eum  makes  folks  act  very 
silly — so  do  the  newspapers.  Rum  makes  folks  see  double — so 
do  the  newspapers.  Soaietimes  rum  gets  folks  so  they  can't 
see  at  ali — so  do  the  newspapers.  Rum,  if  they  take  tu  much 
of  it,  makes  folks  sick  to  the  stomach — so  do  the  newspapers. 
Rum  makes  folks  go  rather  crooked,  reeling  from  one  side  of 
the  road  to  t'other — and  the  newspapers  make  one  half  the 
politicians  cross  their  'path  as  often  as  any  drunkard  you  ever 
see.  It  was  the  newspapers,  uncle  Joshua,  that  made  you  let 
about  the  Speaker  last  summer,  and  lose  your  bushel  of  corD. 
Remember,  that,  uncle,  and  don't  believe  anything  you  see  in 
the  papers  this  summer,  unless  you  see  it  in  the  Daily  Cou- 
rier. 


-i^^"^%- 


\^\ 


RUNNING  EXPRESS  FROH  DOWNINGVILLE  TO  PORTLAND. 


(93) 


OUT  OF  THE  SENATE.  95 

DOCKYMENT. 

GRAND  CAUCUS  AT  DOWNINGVILLE— THE  LONG  AGONY  OVER,  AND  THE 
NOMINATION  OUT. 

From  the  Portland  Courier  of  July  21,  1830. 
We  delay  this  paper  something  beyond  the  usual  nour  of 
publication  in  order  to  lay  before  our  readers  the  important 
intelligence  received  yesterday  from  Downingville.     This  we 
have  been  able  to  accomplish,  tho'  not  without  extraordinary 
exertions  and  extra  help.      But  the  crisis  is  important— we 
had  almost  said  appalling— and  demands  of  every  patriotic 
citizen  of  Maine  the  highest  sacrifices  in  his  power  to  make. 
The  important  proceedings  of  the  grand  convention  at  Down- 
ingville reached  here,  by  express,  yesterday,  about  a  quarter 
before  3  o'clock,  P.  M.,  having  traveled  the  whole  distance, 
notwithstanding  the  extreme  high  temperature  of  the  weather, 
at  the  rate  of  thirteen  and  a  half  miles  an  hour.     And  but  for 
an  unfortunate  occurrence,  it  would  undoubtedly  have  reached 
here  at  least  three  hours  earlier.     Ca^t.  Jehu  Downing,  who, 
with    his    characteristic  magnanimity  and  patriotism  volun- 
teered to  bring  the  express  the  whole  way,  having  taken  a 
very  high  spirited  steed  for  the  first  ten  miles,  was  unfortun- 
ately thrown  to  the  ground  in  attempting  to  leap  a  barrier 
which  lay  across  the  road.     Two  of  his  ribs  were  Iroken  by 
the  fall,  and  his  right  arm  so  badly  fractured  that  it  is  feared 
amputation  must  be  resorted  to,  besides  several  other  severe 
contusions  on  various  parts   of  the  body.     We  are  happy  to 
hear,  however,  that  Dr.  Zachariah  Downing,  who,  on  hearing 
the  melancholy  intelligence,  very  promptly  repaired  to  the 
epot  to  offer  his  professional  services,  pronounces  the  Captain 


96  MY  THIRTY  YEARS 

out  of  danger,  and  also  that  the  Captain  bears  his  misfortune 
with  his  accustomed  fortitude,  expressly  declaring  that  the 
only  regret  he  feels  on  the  occasion  is  the  delay  of  the  express. 
Here  is  patriotism,  a  devotedness  to  the  welfare  of  the  coun- 
try, and  to  genuine  Democratic  National  Republican  princi- 
ples, worthy  of  the  days  of  the  Revolution. 

Lieut.  Timothy  Downing  forwarded  the  express  the  remainder 
of  the  way  with  tne  utmost  dispatch,  having  run  down  three 
horses,  one  of  which  died  on  the  road.  But  we  keep  our  read- 
ers too  long  from  the  gratifying  intelligence  received. 

GRAXD  DEMOCRATIC  NATIONAL  REPUBLICAN  CONVENTION. 

DowNiNGviLLE,  Monday,  July  19,  1830. 
At  a  large  and  respectable  meeting  of  the  Democratic  Na- 
tional Republicans  of  Downingville  and  the  neighboring  parts 
of  the  State,  convened  this  day  at  the  centre  school-house,  the 
meeting  was  called  to  order  by  the  venerable  and  silver-haired 
patriarch,  old  Mr.  Zebedee  Downing,  who  had  not  been  out  to  a 
political  meeting  before  for  the  last  twenty-five  years.  The 
venerable  old  gentleman  stated,  in  a  few  feeling  remarks,  the 
object  of  the  meeting  ;  that  he  had  not  meddled  with  politics 
since  the  days  of  Jefferson  ;  but  that  now,  in  view  of  the 
awful  calamities  which  threatened  to  involve  our  country  in 
total  ruin,  he  felt  it  his  duty,  the  little  remaining  time  he 
might  be  spared  from  the  grave,  to  lift  up  his  voice  and  his 
example  before  his  children,  grand-children,  and  great  grand- 
children whom  he  saw  gathered  around  him,  and  encourage 
them  to  serve  the  country  for  which  he  had  fought  and  bled  in 
his  younger  years.  After  the  enthusiastic  applause  elicited 
by  these  remarks,  the  old  gentleman  called  for  the  nomination 


OL-T    OF    IDE    SEN-ATE. 


91 


of  a  chairman,  and  Joshua  Downing,  Esq.,  was  unanimously 
called  to  tbo  chair,  and  Mr.  E-^hraivx  Downing  appointed  Sec- 
retary. 

On  motion  of  Mr.  Jacob  Downing,  voted,  that  a  committee 
of  five  be  appointed  to  draft  resolutions  to  lay  before  this 


!',7~r!r. 


\:'  I'lRrK 


GRAXD    CAUCUS   AT   D OWNING VILLE. 


meeting.     Whereupon  Mr.  Jotham  Downin-,  Ichabod  Down- 
mg,  Zenas  Downing,  Levi  Downing,  and  Isaiah  Downin^ 
appointed  said  committee,  and  after  retiring  about  five 


.g:  were 
min- 


98  MY    THIRTY   YEARS 

utes,  they  returneu  and  reported  the  foUowiDg  preamble  and 
resolutions  : 

"Whereas,  an  awful  crisis  has  arrived  in  the  political 
affairs  of  our  country,  our  public  men  all  having  turned  trait- 
ors, and  resolved  to  ruin  the  country,  and  make  us  and  our 
children  all  slaves  forever  ;  and  whereas,  our  ship  of  State 
and  our  ship  of  the  United  States  are  both  driven  with  tremen- 
dous violence  before  the  fury  of  the  political  tempest,  and  are 
just  upon  the  point  of  being  dashed  upon  the  breakers  of  po- 
litical destruction  ;  and  whereas,  nothing  short  of  the  most 
prompt  and  vigorous  exertions  of  the  patriotic  Democratic 
National  Republicans  of  this  State  and  of  the  United  States 
can  avert  the  impending  danger, 

"And  whereas,  the  Jacksonites  and  Adamsites,  and  Hun 
tonites,  and  Smithites,  have  so  multiplied  in  the  land,  anc' 
brought  things  to  such  a  pass,  that  our  liberties  are  ungues 
tionably  about  to  receive  their  doom  forever  ;  therefore, 

"  Resolved,  That  it  is  the  highest  and  most  sacred  duty  of 
every  patriotic  Democratic  National  Republican  in  the  Stat» 
to  arouse  himself  and  buckle  on  his  political  armor,  and  mak« 
one  last,  one  mighty  effort  to  save  the  State  and  the  countrj^. 
and  place  the  Constitution  once  more  upon  a  safe  and  fire 
foundation. 

"  Resolved,  That  the  awful  crisis  of  affairs  in  this  State  re 
quires  a  firm,  devoted  patriot,  a  high  minded  and  gifted  states 
man,  and  a  uniform,  unwavering  Democratic  National  Repub 
likan  for  chief  maofistrate. 


OUT  OF  THE  SENATE.  99 

"  Resolved,  That  in  this  awful  crisis,  we  believe  the  eyes 
of  all  true  patriots  are  turned  upon 

THE  HON.  JACK  DOWNING, 
late  of  Dowmingville,  but  since  last  winter  a  resident  in  Port- 
land, the  capital  of  the  State. 

"  Resolved,  That  we  have  the  fullest  confidence  in  the  tal- 
ents, integrity,  moral  worth,  tried  patriotism,  and  unwavering 
and  unchangeable  sterling  Democratic  National  Republican- 
ism of  the  Hon.  Jack  Downing,  and  that  his  election  to  the  office 
of  Governor  in  September  next,  and  nothing  else,  can  save  the 
State  from  total,  unutterable,  and  irretrievable  ruin. 

"  Resolved,  therefore,  That  we  recommend  him  to  the  elec- 
tors of  this  State  as  a  candidate  for  said  office,  and  that  we 
will  use  all  fair  and  honorable  means,  and,  if  necessary,  will 
not  stick  at  some  a  little  dishonorable,  to  secure  his  election. 

"  Resolved,  That  it  be  recommended  to  all  the  patriotic. 
Democratic  National  Republicans  throughout  the  State,  to  be 
up  and  doing;  to  call  county  meetiDgs,  town  meetings, 
school  district  meetings,  and  village  and  bar-room  meetings, 
and  proceed  to  organize  the  party  as  fast  as  possible,  by  ap- 
pointing standing  committees,  and  central  committees,  and 
corresponding  committees,  and  bearers  and  distributors  of 
hand-bills,  and,  in  short,  by  doing  everything  that  the  good 
of  the  cause  and  the  salvation  of  the  country  requires. 

"Resolved,  conditionally,  That  in  case  General  Jackson 
should  be  likely  to  be  re-elected,  we  highly  and  cordially  ap- 
prove of  his  Administration,  and  believe  him  to  be  second  to 
none  but  Washington  ;  but  in  case  he  should  stand  no  chance 
of  re-election,  this  resolve  to  be  null  and  void. 

"  Resolved,  That  the  thanks  of  this  Convention  be  present- 


100  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

ed  to  Miss  Nabby  Downing,  for  the  use  of  her  school-room 
this  afternoon,  she  having  with  a  generous  patriotism  dis- 
missed the  school  for  that  purpose. 

"  Resolved,  That  the  proceedings  of  this  Convention,  signed 
by  the  Chairman  and  Secretary,  be  published  in  the  Portland 
Daily  Courier,  the  official  organ  of  the  Hon.  Jack  Downing's 
correspondence,  and  any  other  genuine  Democratic  National 
Republican  papers  in  the  State. 

"  JOSHUA  DOWNING,  Chairman. 

"  Attest  :  Ephrahi  Downing,  Secretary." 

We  are  assured  by  Lieutenant  Timothy  Downing,  witk 
whom  we  had  a  short  interview,  that  the  best  spirit  prevailed 
in  the  Convention  ;  not  a  dissenting  voice  was  heard,  and  all 
the  resolutions  passed  unanimously.  We  add  an  extract  or 
two  from  private  letters. 

From  Ephraim  Downing  to  the  Hon.  Jack  Downing, 

**  Well,  Jack,  if  you  don't  acknowledge  we've  done  the  thing 
up  in  style,  you're  no  gentleman  and  not  fit  for  Governor.  I 
wish  you  to  be  very  particular  to  keep  the  Sheriff's  office  for 
me.  Father  says  cousin  Jeremiah  has  thrown  out  some  hints 
that  he  shall  have  the  Sheriff's  oflice.  But  butter  my  rist- 
bands,  if  you  do  give  it  to  him,  you'll  go  out  of  office  again 
next  year,  that's  positive.  Jerry's  a  clear  factionist,  you  may 
rely  upon  that.  No,  no,  stick  to  your  old  friends,  and  they'll 
stick  to  you.  I'm  going  to  start  to-morrow  morning  on  an 
electioneering  cruise.  I  shall  drum  'em  up  about  right.  You 
only  keep  a  stiff  upper  lip,  and  you'll  come  in  all  hollow." 
.  From  Joshua  Downing,  Esq.,  to  the  Hon.  Jack  Downing. 

"  Dear  Jack,  things  look  well  here  ;  with  proper  exertions 
I  think  you  may  rely  upon  success.     I  am  in  great  haste,  and 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  101 

write  this  jest  to  tell  you  to  be  sure  and  not  promise  a  single 
office  to  any  mortal  living,  till  I  see  you.  These  things  must 
be  managed  very  prudently,  and  you  stand  in  need  of  the 
counsel  of  your  old  uncle.  I  think  I  could  do  as  much  good 
to  the  State  by  being  appointed  Land  Agent,  as  any  way  ; 
but  I'll  determine  upon  that  when  I  see  you. 
"  N.  B. — Make  no  promises. 

"  Your  affectionate  uncle, 

JOSHUA." 


102  MY   THIRTY   YEARS 


LETTER  XYII. 

mr.  downing  tells  about  the  portland  town-meeting,  and  how' 
the  votes  turned  out. 

Portland,  Sept.  15,  1830. 

Dear  Uncle  Joshua  : — I  suppose  you  would  like  to  know 
something  about  how  the  election  turned  out  down  here. 
Soon  as  the  bell  rung,  I  sot  out  to  go  to  the  town  hall,  but 
before  I  got  half  way  there,  I  met  chaises,  and  wagons,  and  * 
another  kind  of  chaises,  that  went  on  four  wheels,  and  was 
shut  up  close  as  a  hen-coop,  all  driving  f other  way-  Jehu  like. 
What  is  the  matter  ?  says  I  ;  who's  beat  ?  But  along  they 
went,  snapping  their  whips  without  answering  me  a  word, 
and  by  their  being  in  such  a  terrible  hurry  I  thought  sure 
enough  they  had  got  beat,  and  the  enemy  was  arter  'em.  So 
I  steered  round  into  another  street  to  get  out  of  the  way  for 
fear  they  should  get  a  brush  at  me;  but  there  was  as  many 
more  of  'em  driving  like  split  down  that  street  tu.  Where 
upon  arth  are  they  all  going,  says  I  to  a  feller  that  overtook 
me  upon  the  full  run.  Going?  says  he;  why  to  bring  'em  to 
the  polls,  you  goose;  and- away  he  went  by  me  in  a  whisk. 
When  he  said  poles,  I  thought  that  cousin  Ephraim  must  have 
come  in  with  a  load,  as  they'd  be  likely  to  fetch  a  good  price 
about  this  time,  and  I  concluded  all  that  running  and  driving 
was  to  see  who  should  have  the  first  grab  at  'em.  I  called  to 
him  to  tell  me  where  Ephraim  was,  but  he  was  out  of  hearing. 

So  I  marched  along  till  I   got  to  the  town  hall,  and  they 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  103 

were  flocking  in  as  thick  as  hops.  When  I  got  within  two  or 
three  rods  of  the  house  a  man  come  along  and  handed  me  a 
vote  for  Mr.  Smith  ;  I  stept  on  the  side-walk  and  another  man 
handed  me  a  vote  for  Mr.  Hunton  ;  and  I  went  along  towards 
the  door  and  another  man  handed  me  a  vote  for  Mr.  Smith, 
and  then  another  handed  me  one  for  Mr.  Hunton.  And  then  I 
went  to  go  up  stairs  into  the  hall,  and  there  was  a  row  of 
about  twenty  men,  and  all  of  'em  gave  me  a  vote,  about  one- 
half  for  Smith  and  one-half  for  Hunton.  And  before  I  got 
through  the  hall  to  the  place  where  they  were  firing  off  their 
votes,  they  gave  me  about  twenty  more;  so  if  I  had  been  a 
mind  to  vote  for  Smith  or  Hunton  I  could  have  gin  'em  a 
noble  lift ;  but  that  wasn't  what  I  was  arter.  I  was  looking 
out  for  the  interests  of  my  constituents  at  Downingville. 
And  when  I  come  to  see  among  so  many  votes  not  one  of  'em 
had  my  name  on  it,  I  began  to  feel  a  little  kind  of  streaked, 
I  went  out  again,  and  I  see  the  chaises  and  wagons  kept 
coming  and  going,  and  I  found  out  that  bringing  of  'em  to 
the  polls  meant  bringing  of  'em  to  vote.  And  I  asked  a  feller 
that  stood  there,  who  them  are  men,  that  they  kept  bringing, 
voted  for.  Why,  says  he,  they  vote  for  whichever  goes  arter 
*em,  you  goose-head  you.  Ah,  says  I,  is  that  the  way  they 
work  it  ?  And  where  do  they  bring  'em  from  ?  0,  says  he, 
down  round  the  wharves,  and  the  outskirts  of  the  town  and 
anywhere  that  they  can  catch  'em.  Well,  well,  thinks  I  to 
myself,  I've  got  a  new  rinkle,  I  see  how  this  business  is  done 
now.  So  off  I  steered  and  hired  a  horse  and  wagon,  and 
went  to  hunting  up  folks  to  carry  to  town  meeting.  And  I 
guess  before  night  I  carried  nearly  fifty  there,  of  one  sort  and 
another  ;  and  I  was  sure  to  whisper  to  cv?ry  one  of  'cm  jest 


104  OUT    OF   THE    SEXATE. 

as  they  got  out  of  the  wagou,  and  tell  'em  my  name  was 
Jack  Downing.  They  all  looked  very  good-natured  when  I 
told  ^em  my  name,  and  I  thought  to  be  sure  they  would  all 
vote  for  me.  But  how  was  I  thunderstruck  when  the  vote  was 
declared,  and  there  was  1,008  for  Mr.  Smith,  909  for  Mr.  Hun- 
ton,  4  for  Mr.  Ladd,  and  one  or  two  for  somebody  else,  and  not 
oTie  for  me.  Now  was'nt  that  too  bad,  uncle  ?  Them  are  faith- 
less politicians  that  I  carried  up  to  the  town  meeting  !  if  I 
only  knew  who  they  were,  they  should  pay  for  the  horse  and 
wagon,  or  we'd  have  a  breeze  about  it. 

Write  soon,  for  I  am  anxious  to  know  how  they  turned  out 
in  Downingville 

Your  loving  neffu, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


MY   THIRTY    YEARS  105 


LETTER  XVIIL 

RETURN  OF    VOTES    FROil    DOWXIXGVILLE— THE    SKIES   LOOK    BRIGHTER 

DowNiNGviLLE,  Monday  Eve.,  Sept.  13,  1830, 
To  the  Hon.  Jack  Downing,  Portland ; 

Dear  Jack  : — I  have  just  returned,  puffing  and  blowing, 
From  town  meeting,  and  have  only  time  to  tell  you  that  we 
gave  you  a  confounded  good  run  here.  If  j^our  friends  in  the 
rest  of  the  State  have  done  their  duty,  you  are  elected  by  an 
overwhelming  majority.  The  vote  in  this  town  for  Governor 
.?tood  as  follows  ; 

Hon.  Jack  Dowxixg 117 

Hon.  Samuel  E.  Smith 000 

Hon.  Jonathan  G.  Hunton.   000 

Capt.  Jehu   Downing   is   elected    Representative ;    it  was 
'thought  to  be  due  to  him  by  the  party  for  his  magnanimous 
^:)xertions  in  carrying  the  express  to  Portland  at  the  time  yoij 
were  nominated  by  our  grand  convention. 
In  great  haste,  your  uncle, 


106  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 


LETTER  XIX. 

MR.  DOWNING  TELLS  HOW  HE  GOT  A  NEW  KINK  INTO  HIS  HEAD,  IN 
CONSEQUENCE  OF  THE  BLOW-UP  OF  PRESIDENT  JACKSON's  FIRST 
CABINET, 

Portland,  April  26,  1831. 
Dear  Uncle  Joshua  : — I'm  in  considerable  of  a  kind  of  a 
fiusteration  to-day,  because  I've  got  a  new  scheme  in  my 
head.  New  ideas,  you  know,  are  always  apt  to  give  me  the 
agitations  a  little;  so  you  mustn't  wonder  if  my  letter  this 
time  does  have  some  rather  odd  things  in  it.  I  don't  know 
when  I've  had  such  a  great  scheme  in  my  head  afore.  But 
you  know  I  was  always  determined  to  make  something  in  the 
world,  and  if  my  friends  '11  only  jest  stick  by  me,  I  shall  make 
common  folks  stare  yet.  Some  thought  it  was  a  pretty  bold 
push  my  trying  to  get  in  to  be  Governor  last  year  ;  and  some 
have  laughed  at  me,  and  said  I  come  out  at  the  little  end  of 
the  horn  about  it,  and  that  I'd  better  staid  up  to  Downing- 
ville  and  hoed  potatoes,  than  to  be  fishing  about  for  an  office 
and  not  get  any  more  votes  than  I  did.  But  they  can't  see 
through  a  millstone  so  fur  as  I  can.  Altho'  I  didn't  get  in  to 
be  Governor,  its  made  me  known  in  the  world,  and  made  con- 
siderable of  a  great  man  of  me,  so  that  I  shall  stand  a  much 
better  chance  to  get  an  office  if  I  try  again.  But  I  must  make 
haste  and  tell  you  what  I  am  at,  for  I  am  in  a  great  hurry.  I 
guess  you'll  stare  when  I  tell  you  the  next  letter  you'll  get 
from  me  will  be  dated  at  Washington,  or  else  somewhere  on 
the  road  between  here  and  there. 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  lOt 

0,  uncle,  we  have  had  some  great  news  here  from  Washing- 
ton ;  everybody's  up  in  arms  about  it,  and  can't  hardly  tell 
what  to  think  of  it.  They  say  the  President's  four  great 
Secretaries  have  all  resigned  ;  only  think  of  that,  uncle.  And 
they  say  their  salaries  were  six  thousand  dollars  a-year ;  only 
jest  think  of  that,  uncle.  Six  thousand  dollars  a  year.  Why, 
a  Governor's  salary  is  a  fool  to  it.  On  the  whole,  I'm  glad  I 
didn't  get  the  Governor's  office.  I  shall  start  for  Washington 
to-morrow  morning  ;  or  I  don't  know  but  I  shall  start  to-night, 
if  I  can  get  ready,  and  travel  all  night.  It's  best  to  be  in 
season  in  such  things,  and  I  shall  have  to  go  rather  slow,  for 
I've  got  pretty  considerable  short  of  money,  and  I  expect  I 
shall  have  to  foot  it  part  way.  I  shall  get  there  in  about  a 
fortnight,  and  I'm  in  hopes  to  be  in  season  to  get  one  of  them 
are  offices,  I  think  it's  the  duty  of  all  true  Republikans  that 
have  the  good  of  the  country  at  heart,  to  take  hold  and  help 
the  President  along  in  these  trying  difficulties.  For  my  part, 
I  am  perfectly  willing  to  take  one  of  the  offices,  and  I  hope 
some  other  good  men  will  come  right  forward  and  take  the 
others.  What  a  shame  'twas  that  them  are  Secretaries  should 
all  clear  out,  and  leave  the  poor  old  General  to  do  all  the  work 
alone.  Why,  uncle,  they  had  no  more  patriotism  than  your 
old  boss. 

But  I  musn't  stop  to  parley  about  it  now;  what  I  want  to 
say  is,  I  wish  you  to  write  a  recommendation  to  the  President 
for  me  to  have  one  of  his  offices,  and  go  round  as  quick  as 
you  can  and  get  all  our  friends  at  Downingville  to  sign  it, 
and  send  it  on  to  Washington  as  fast  as  possible;  for  it 
would  be  no  more  than  right  that  I  should  show  the  President 
some  kind  of  recommendation  before  he  gives  me  the  office.    I 


108  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

want  you  to  tell  the  President  that  I've  always  been  one  of 
his  strongest  friends  ;  and  you  know  I  always  have  spoke 
well  of  him,  and  in  fact  he  is  the  best  President  we  ever  had.  It 
might  be  well  for  you  to  quote  this  last  sentence  as  an 
"  extract  from  a  letter  of  the  Hon.  Jack  Downing."  It  would 
give  the  President  some  confidence  in  my  friendship,  and  the 
"  Hon."  would  convince  him  that  I  am  a  man  of  some  stand- 
ing in  this  State. 

Now  you  keep  up  a  good  heart,  uncle;  you  have  always  had 
to  delve  hard  all  your  days  up  there  on  the  old  farm,  and 
you've  done  considerable  to  boost  me  up  into  an  oflSce,  and  if 
I  get  hold  of  these  six  thousand  dollars  a  year,  you  shall  have 
a  slice  out  of  it  that  will  make  your  old  heart  feel  light  again. 
I  haven't  named  it  to  a  single  soul  here  except  Aunt  Sally, 
and  I  want  it  to  be  kept  a  profound  secret  till  I  get  the  office, 
so  as  to  make  them  are  chaps  that  have  been  a  sneering  at 
me  here,  stare  like  an  owl  in  a  thunder  shower.  And,  besides, 
if  it  should  leak  out  that  I  was  going,  I'm  afraid  somebody 
else  might  get  the  start  of  me,  for  there  are  always  enough 
that  have  their  mouths  open  when  it  rains  such  rich  porridge. 
But  it's  like  as  not,  the  newspapers  '11  blab  it  out  before  I  get 
half  way  there.  And  you  needn't  think  strange,  if  you  see 
some  of  the  Boston  or  New  York  papers  in  a  few  days  saying, 
"The  Hon,  Jack  Downing  passed  through  this  city  yesterday, 
on  his  way  to  Washington.  It  is  rumored  that  he  is  to  be 
called  upon  to  fill  one  of  the  vacant  offices."  But  I  must  stop» 
for  it  is  time  I  was  picking  up  my  duds  for  a  start.  Aunt 
Sally  has  been  darning  my  stockings  all  the  morning.  Love 
to  Aunt  and  cousin  Nabby,  and  all  of  'em.  Good  by. 
Your  loving  neffu,  JACK  DOWNING. 


OUT    OF   THE    SEJfATE.  109 


LETTER  XX. 

MR.     DOWNINa    TELLS    ABOUT    THE    TALK    HE    HAD    WITH     THE    BOSTON 
EDITORS  ON  HIS  WAY  TO  WASHINGTON. 

City  of  New  York,  May  3,  1831. 

Dear  Uncle  Jose*ja  : — I  have  got  so  fur  at  last,  and  a 
pretty  hard  run  I've  had  of  it  to  get  here,  I  can  tell  ye.  This 
running  after  offices  is  pretty  tuflf  work  for  poor  folks.  Some- 
times I  think  there  aint  much  profit  in  it  after  all,  any  more 
than  there  ii3  in  buying  lottery  tickets,  where  you  pay  a  dollar 
and  sometimes  get  four  shillings  back,  and  sometimes 
notliing.  Howsomever  I  don't  mean  to  be  discouraged  yet, 
for  if  I  should  give  out  now  and  go  back  again,  them  are 
sassy  chaps  in  Portland  would  laugh  at  me  worse  than  they 
did  afore.  What  makes  me  feel  kind  of  down-hearted  about 
it,  is  because  I've  seen  in  the  newspapers  that  tu  of  them  are 
good  offices  at  Washington  are  gone  a-ready.  One  Mr.  Liv- 
ingston's got  one  of  'em,  and  Mr.  Woodbury  that  lives  up  in 
New  Hampshire's  got  tother,  and  I'm  considerable  afraid  the 
others  will  be  gone  before  I  get  there. 

I  want  you  to  be  sure  and  get  my  recommendation  into  the 
post-office  as  soon  as  you  can,  so  it  may  get  there  as  soon  as 
T  do.  It's  a  week  to-day  since  I  started  from  Portland,  and 
if  I  have  good  luck  I'm  in  hopes  to  get  there  in  about  a  week 
more.  Any  how,  I  shall  worry  along  as  fast  as  I  can.  I  have 
to  foot  it  more  than  three-quarters  of  the  way,  because  the 
stage  folks  asks  bo  much  to  ride,  and  my  money's  pretty  near 


110  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

gone.  But  if  I  can  only  jest  get  there  before  the  offices  are 
gone  I  think  I  shall  get  one  of  'em,  for  I  got  a  good  string  of 
recommendations  in  Boston  as  I  come  along.  I  never  thought 
of  getting  any  recommendations  of  strangers,  till  a  man  I 
was  traveling  with  kind  of  talked  round  and  round,  and  found 
out  what  I  was  after.  And  then,  says  he,  if  you  want  to 
make  out,  you  must  get  the  newspaper  folks  to  give  you  a 
lift,  for  they  manage  these  matters.  And  he  told  me  I  better 
get  some  of  the  Boston  editors  to  recommend  me,  or  it  would 
be  no  use  for  me  to  go. 

I  thought  the  man  was  more  than  half  right,  so  when  I  got 
into  Boston  I  called  round  to  see  the  editors.  They  all  seemed 
very  glad  to  see  me,  when  I  told  'em  who  I  was,  and  I  never 
see  a  better  set  of  true  Republikans  any  where  in  the  State  of 
Maine.  And  when  I  told  'em  that  I  was  always  a  true  Repub- 
likan,  and  my  father  and  grandfather  were  Republikans  be- 
fore me,  they  all  talked  so  clever  about  patriotism,  and  our 
Republikan  institutions,  and  the  good  of  the  people,  that  I 
couldn't  help  thinking  it  was  a  plaguey  shame  there  should 
be  any  such  wicked  parties  as  Federalist's,  or  Huntonites,  or 
Jacksonites,  to  try  to  tare  the  country  to  pieces  and  plague 
the  Republikans  so. 

This  don't  include  President  Jackson.  He  isn't  a  Jackson- 
ite,  you  know  ;  he's  as  true  a  Republikan  as  there  is  in  Down- 
ingville.  I  had  a  talk  with  the  Boston  Patriot  man  first.  He 
said  he  would  give  me  a  recommendation  with  a  good  deal  of 
pleasure,  and  when  I  got  my  office  at  Washington  I  must 
stick  to  the  good  old  Republikan  cause  like  wax  ;  and  if  all 
true  Republikans  were  only  faithful  to  the  country,  Henry 
Clay,  the  Republikan  candidate,  will  come  in  all  hollow.    He'll 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  Ill 

be  the  next  President,  says  he,  jest  as  sure  as  your  name  is 
Jack  Downing. 

Then  I  went  to  see  the  editor  of  the  Boston  Gazette.  He 
said  he  certainly  should  be  very  happy  to  give  me  a  recom- 
mendation ;  and  he  trusted  when  I  got  to  Washington,  where 
I  should  have  considerable  influence,  I  should  look  well  to  the 
interests  of  the  Republikan  party.  He  said  there  was  an  im- 
mense sight  of  intrigue  and  underhand  work  going  on  by  the 
enemies  of  the  country  to  ruin  Mr.  Calhoun,  the  Republikan 
candidate  for  President.  But  he  said  they  wouldn't  make 
out  ;  Mr.  Calhoun  had  found  out  their  tricks,  and  the  Repub- 
likans  of  old  Yirginny  and  South  Carolina  were  all  up  in  arms 
about  it,  and  if  we  Republikans  in  the  Northern  States  would 
only  take  hold  and  fight  for  the  good  cause,  Mr.  Calhoun 
would  be  elected  as  true  as  the  sun  will  rise  to-morrow. 

The  next  I  went  to  see  was  the  editor  of  the  Boston  States- 
man. He  seemed  to  be  a  little  shy  of  me  at  first,  and  was 
afraid  I  wasn't  a  true  Republikan  ;  and  wanted  to  know  if  I 
didn't  run  against  Governor  Smith  last  year  down  there  in 
Maine.  I  told  him  I  had  seen  Governor  Smith  a  number  of 
times  in  Portland,  but  I  was  sure  I  never  run  against  him  in 
my  life,  and  I  didn't  think  I  ever  come  within  a  rod  of  him. 
Well,  he  wanted  to  know  if  I  wasn't  a  candidate  for  Govern- 
or in  opposition  to  Mr.  Smith.  I  told  him  no,  I  was  a  candi- 
date on  the  same  side.  *'  Wasn't  you,"  said  he,  looking  mighty 
sharp  at  me,  "  WasnH  you  one  of  the  Federal  candidates  for 
Governor  ?"  My  stars.  Uncle  Joshua,  I  never  felt  my  hair  curl 
quicker  than  it  did  then.  My  hand  kind  of  drawed  back,  and 
my  fingers  clinched  as  if  I  were  jest  agoing  to  up  fist  and 
knock  him  down.     To  think  that  he  should  charge  me  with 


112  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

being  a  Federl  Candidate!  it  was  too  much  for  flesh  and 
blood  to  bear.  But  I  cooled  down  as  quick  as  I  could,  for 
fear  it  might  hurt  me  about  getting  my  office.  I  told  him  I 
never  was  a  Federal  candidate,  and  there  never  was  a  drop  of 
Federal  blood  in  me  ;  and  I  would  run  from  a  Federalist,  if  I 
should  meet  one,  as  quick  as  I  would  from  ^poison.  That's 
right,  says  he,  I  like  that  ;  that's  good  stuff,  and  he  catched 
hold  of  my  hand,  and  gave  it  such  a  shake,  I  didn't  know  but 
he'd  a  pulled  it  off. 

He  said  he  would  give  me  the  best  recommendation  ho 
could  write,  and  when  I  got  to  Washington  I  must  stick  to 
the  old  Gineral  like  the  tooth-ache,  for  the  Federalists  wcro 
intriguing  desperately  to  root  him  out  of  his  office  and  upset 
the  Republikan  party.  If  the  Republikans  could  only  be  kept 
together,  he  said,  President  Jackson,  the  Republikan  candi- 
date, could  be  elected  as  easy  as  a  cat  could  lick  her  ear  j 
but  if  we  suffered  ourselves  to  be  divided  it  would  be  gone 
goose  with  us,  and  the  country  would  be  ruined.  So  yon 
must  stick  to  the  re-election  of  Gineral  Jackson,  said  he^  at  all 
events  ;  and  then  he  kind  of  whispered  in  my  ear,  and  says  he, 
in  case  Gineral  Jackson  should  be  sick  or  anything,  you  must 
remember  that  Mr.  Van  Buren  is  the  BcpuhWian  candidate. 

I  told  him  he  never  need  to  fear  me  ;  I  should  stick  to  the 
Republikan  party  through  thick  and  thin.  So  I  took  my  re- 
commendation and  trudged  along.  I  haven't  time  to-day  to 
tell  you  how  I  got  along  with  the  rest  of  the  editors,  and  a 
thousand  other  things  that  I  met  with  along  by  the  way,  and 
all  the  fine  things  in  this  great  city,  and  so  on.  But  I  shall 
write  to  you  again  soon. 

Your  loving  neffu,  JACK  DOWNING 


OUT   OF   THE    SENATE.  113 


I  LETTER  XXI. 

MR.     DOWNING     RELATES     HIS     INTERVIEW     WITH     MAJOR     NOAH      AT 

2JEW-Y0RK. 

Washington  City,  May  80,  1831. 
To  the  Portland  Courier,  if  it  ever  gets  there,  away  Doion  East  in 
the  State  of  Maine,  to  be  sent  to  Uncle  Joshua  Downing,  up  in 
Downingville,  with  care  and  speed. 

Bear  Uncle  Joshua  : — I've  got  here  at  last,  to  this  great 
city,  where  they  make  offices,  and  Pm  determined  not  to  leave 
it  till  I  get  one.  It  isn't  sich  a  great  city,  after  all,  as  New- 
York,  though  they  do  a  great  deal  more  business  here  than 
they  do  at  New- York.  I  don't  mean  vessel  business  and 
trade,  for  there's  no  end  to  that  in  New- York,  but  in  making 
offices  and  such  like  ;  and  they  say  it's  the  most  profitable 
business  in  the  country.  If  a  man  can  get  hold  of  a  pretty 
good  office,  he  can  get  rich  enough  by  it  in  three  or  four  years, 
and  not  to  have  to  work  very  hard  neither.  I  tell  you  what, 
uncle,  if  I  make  out  to  my  mind  here,  I  shall  come  back  again 
one  of  these  days  in  a  rather  guess  way  than  what  I  come  on. 
I  don't  have  to  foot  it  again,  I'll  warrant  you,  and  I  guess  poor 
Aunt  Sally  won't  have  to  set  up  all  night  to  mend  my  coat  and 
darn  my  stockings.  You'll  see  me  coming  dressed  up  like  a 
lawyer,  with  a  fine  carriage  and  three  or  four  horses.  And 
then  them  are  chaps  in  Portland  that  used  to  laugh  at  me  so 
about  being  Governor,  may  sneeze  at  me  if  the}^  dare  to,  and 

if  they  don't  keep  niitof  mv  wav  I'll  ride  riirht  over  'cm,     I 
6*  "        ' 


114 


MY   THIRTY   YEARS 


had  a  pretty  tuff  time  coming  on  here.  It's  a  long,  tiresome 
road  through  the  Jarseys.  I  had  to  stop  twice  to  get  my 
shoes  tapt,  and  once  to  get  an  old  lady  to  sow  up  a  rip  in  my 
coat  while  I  chopped  wood  for  her  at  the  door  to  pay  for  it. 
But  I  shan't  mind  all  the  hard  work  I've  had  of  it,  if  I  can 
make  out  to  come  home  rich. 


..-/" 


*f!^^^ 


rwy^^ 


MR.  :downixg  eschangixg  works. 


I  got  a  pretty  good  boost  in  Boston,  as  I  writ  you  in  my 
last,  by  the  editors  giving  me  recommendations.  But  it  was 
nothing  at  all  hardly  to  what  I  got  in  New  York,  for  they 
gave   me    a   'puUic   dinner   there.     I   can't   think   what's   the 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  115 

matter  that  it  hasn't  been  published  yet.  Major  Noah  prom- 
ised me  he'd  have  it  all  put  into  the  New  York  Courier  and 
Enquirer  the  very  next  day  after  I  left  New  York,  so  that  it 
should  get  to  Washington  as  soon  as  I  did  ;  and  now  I've 
been  here  about  a  week  and  it  hasn't  come  yet.  If  it  doesn't 
come  soon,  I  shall  write  an  account  of  the  dinner  myself,  and 
send  it  home  and  get  it  put  in  the  Portland  Courier.  It  was 
a  most  capital  dinner,  uncle  ;  I  don't  know  as  I  ever  eat 
hartier  in  my  life,  for  being  pretty  short  of  money  I  had 
pinched  rather  close  a  day  or  two,  and,  to  tell  the  truth,  I 
was  as  hungry  as  a  bear.  We  had  toasts  and  speeches,  and 
a  great  many  good  things.  I  don't  mean  sich  toast  as  they 
put  butter  on  to  eat,  but  toast  to  drink.  And  they  don't 
exactly  drink  'em  neither  ;  but  they  drink  the  punch  and 
speak  the  toasts. 

I  can't  think  Major  Noah  meant  to  deceive  me  about  pub- 
lishing the  proceedings  of  the  dinner,  for  he  appeared  to  be  a 
very  clever  man,  though  he  was  the  funniest  chap  that  ever  I 
see.  There  wasn't  a  man  in  New  York  that  befriended  me 
more  than  he  did  ;  and  he  talked  to  me  very  candidly,  and 
advised  me  all  about  how  to  get  an  office.  In  the  first  place, 
says  he,  Mr.  Downing,  you  can't  get  any  kind  of  an  office  at 
Washington  unless  you  are  a  true  blue  genuine  Democratic 
Republikan.  I  told  him  I  had  recommendations  coming  to 
prove  that  I  was  all  that.  They  are  very  strict,  says  he,  in 
regard  to  that  at  Washington.  If  James  Madison  should 
apply  for  an  office  at  Washington,  says  he,  he  couldb't  get  it. 
What,  says  I,  him  that  was  President  I  for  it  kind  of  startled 
me  a  little  if  such  an  old  Republikan  as  he  was  couldn't  get 
an  office.     It's  true,  says  he,  if  James  Madison  should  apply 


J16 


MY    TiliinY    YEAUa 


for  an  office  he  couldn't  get  it.  Why  not,  says  I  ?  Because, 
Bays  he,  he.  has  turned  Federalist,  It's  melancholy  to  think, 
says  he,  how  many  good  old  Republikans  at  the  South  are 
turning    Federalists    lately.     He    said   he    was    afraid    there 


'xlr-_ 


.r\. 


_,     -iui__.'i|i^,.s.y,t^.j^^yt 


sV^^. 


Major  ,\^oaeI  axd  MR.  DoWx\-n\(i. 

wasn't  more  than  one  true  gx^iuine  old  Democratic  Ptepubiikan 
left  in  Virginny,  aud  that  Was  old  Mr.  Uitchio,  of  the  Uich^ 
mond  Enquirer;  and  even  he  sccnicd  to  be  a  little  WaVerin^;*^ 
Bincc  Mr.  Calhoan  ajid  some  olliers  had  ^'onc  over. 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  117 

Well,  there's  Mr,  Clay,  says  I,  of  Kentucky,  I  don't  think 
he'll  ever  flinch  from  the  Republikan  cause.  Henry  Clay, 
saya  he,  turning  up  his  nose,  why  he's  been  a  Federalist  this 
si:x  years.  No,  no,  Mr.  Downing,  if  you  think  of  going  that 
gate,  3^ou  may  as  well  turn  about  and  go  home  again  before 
you  go  any  further.  What  gate  ?  says  I.  Why  to  join  the 
Clay  party,  says  he.  I  told  him  I  never  had  sich  a  thought  in 
my  life  ;  I  always  belonged  to  the  Republikan  party,  and 
always  meant  to.  He  looked  rather  good-natured  again  when 
he  heard  that ;  and  says  he,  do  you  know  what  the  true  Re- 
publikan doctrine  is  ?  I  told  him  I  had  always  had  some 
kind  of  an  idea  of  it,  but  I  didn't  know  as  I  could  explain  it 
exactly.  Well,  says  he,  I'll  tell  you  ;  it  is  to  support  Gineral 
Jackson  for  re-election,  through  thick  and  thin.  That  is  the 
only  thing  that  will  save  the  country  from  ruin.  And  if 
Gineral  Jackson  should  be  unwell  or  any  thing  jest  before 
election,  so  he  could  not  be  a  candidate,  the  true  Republikan 
doctrine  is  to  support  Mr.  Tan  Buren.  I  told  him  very  well, 
he  might  depend  upon  my  sticking  to  the  Republikan  party, 
all  weathers.  Upon  that  he  set  down  and  wrote  me  a  recom« 
mendation  to  the  President  for  an  ofBce,  and  it  almost  made 
me  blush  to  see  what  a  master  substantial  genuine  Repub« 
likan  he  made  me.  I  had  a  number  more  capital  recom* 
mendationg  at  New  York,  but  1  haven't  time  to  tell  you  about 
'em  in  this  letter.  Some  were  to  Mr.  Clay,  and  some  1o  Mr. 
Van  Buren,  and  some  to  Mr.  Calhoun.  I  took  'em  all,  for  I 
thought  it  \vas  kind  of  uncertain  whose  hands  I  might  fall 
into  hereafter,  and  it  might  be  well  enough  to  have  two  or 
three  strings  to  my  bov/, 
1  haven't  c?"'.led  on  the  Fresident  yet,  though  Fve  been  here 


118  MT    THIRTY    YEARS 

about  a  week.  My  clothes  had  got  so  shabby,  I  thought  I 
better  hire  out  a  few  days  and  get  slicked  up  a  little.  Three 
of  the  offices  that  I  come  after  are  gone  slick  enough,  and  the 
other  one's  been  given  away  to  a  Mr.  White,  but  he  wouldn't 
take  it ;  so  I'm  in  hopes  I  shall  be  able  to  get  in.  And  if  I 
don't  get  that,  there's  some  chance  for  me  to  get  in  to  be  Vice 
President,  for  they  had  a  great  Jackson  meeting  'tother  day, 
and  they  kicked  Mr.  Calhoun  right  out  doors,  and  said  they 
wouldn't  have  him  for  Vice  President  no  longer.  Now  some 
say  they  think  I  shall  get  it,  and  some  think  Mr.  Van  Buren 
'11  get  it. 

Howsomever,  I  feel  pretty  safe,  for  Major  Noah  told  me  if  I 
couldn't  get  anything  else,  the  President  could  easily  make  a 
foreign  mission  for  me. 

Oh  dear  I  uncle,  it  makes  me  feel  kind  of  bad  when  I  think 
how  fur  Pve  got  from  home. 

I  shall  call  on  the  old  Gincral  in  two  or  three  days,  and  if  I 
can  make  a  dicker  with  him  about  the  office  Pll  let  you  know 

Your  lovin  neffu, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


OUT   OF   THE   SENATE.  119 


LETTER  XXII  * 

MR.  DOWNING  TELLS  HOW  HE  STRIPT  UP  HIS  SLEEVES  AND  DEFENDED 
MR.  INGHAM  ON  HIS  FRONT  DOOR-STEPS,  DURING  THE  AFTER-CLAP 
THAT  FOLLOWED  THE  BLOW-UP  OF  GINERAL  JACKSON's  FIRST  CABINET. 

Washington  City,  June  21,  1831. 

To  Uncle  Joshua  Downing,  up  in  Doioningville,  or  else  to  Cousin 
Nahhy,  it  isrUt  much  matter  which,  being  that  some  of  it  is  about 
the  ladies  : 

Dear  Uncle  Joshua  : — It's  pretty  trying  times  here.  They 
carry  on  so  like  the  old  smoker,  I  don't  hardly  know  what  to 
make  of  it.  If  I  hadn't  said  I  wouldn't  leave  Washington 
till  I  got  an  office,  I  don't  know  but  I  should  come  back  to 


*  [Editorial  Note. — It  will  be  remembered,  by  those  whose  political  remin- 
iscences extend  back  so  far,  that  General  Jackson's  first  Cabinet  blew  up.  In 
other  words,  the  whole  Cabinet  resigned  in  a  body.  This  came  upon  the 
country  something  like  a  thunder-clap.  Very  soon  upon  the  heels  of  the 
thunder-clap  came  an  after-clap,  which  produced  a  sensation  throughout  the 
country  scarcely  inferior  to  that  of  the  thunder-clap.  The  thunder-clap  and 
the  after-clap  were  belicTcd  to  be  intimately  connected,  and  some  even  went 
BO  far  a<  ^  say  that  tbe  after-clap  was  the  real  cause  of  the  thunder- clap. 
Major  Don  iing's  letter  gives  some  of  the  exciting  scenes  of  the  after- clap^ 
and  perhaps  a  few  words  should  be  added  here  exx^lanatory  of  the  whole  affair. 

There  was  an  inside  view  and  an  outside  view  to  this  Cabinet  difficulty,  as 
well  as  most  other  thingfi  in  the  world.  The  inside  view,  the  Senatorial  view, 
Buch  as  Colonel  Benton  would  take  in  his  ''  Thirty  Years,"  was  something 
like  this :  Mr.  Calhoun,  the  Vice-President,  and  Mr.  Van  Buren,  the  Secre- 
tary of  State,  were  rival  competitors  for  the  successorship  to  the  office  of 
President.  It  came  to  the  knowledge  of  the  President  that  a  proposition  had 
been  made  in  Mr.  Monroe's  Cabinet  to  punish  General  Jackson  for  his  con- 
duct and  doings  in  Florida,  in  the  Seminole  War.    For  some  time  General 


120  MY   THIRT\    YEARS 

Downingville  and  go  to  planting  potatoes.  Them  are  Hun- 
tonites  and  Jacksonites  down  there  in  Maine  last  winter 
were  pretty  clever  sort  of  folks  to  what  these  chaps  are  here. 
Cause  down  there  if  they  got  ever  so  mad,  they  didn't  do 
nothing  but  talk  and  jaw  one  another  ;  but  here,  if  anybody 
doesn't  do  to  suit  'em,  fact  they'll  up  and  shoot  him  in  a 
minute.  I  didn't  think  getting  an  office  was  such  dangerous 
kind  of  business,  or  I  don't  know  as  I  should  have  tried  it. 
Howsomever,  it's  neck  or  nothing  with  me  now,  and  I  must 
do  something  to  try  to  get  some  money  here,  for  I  about  as 
lieves  die  as  to  undertake  to  foot  it  away  back  agin  clear  to 
the  State  of  Maine.     And  as  the  folks  have  to  go  armed  here, 

Jackson  believed  that  this  proposition  in  the  Cabinet  came  from  Mr.  Craw- 
ford, and  that  he  was  triumphantly  defended  by  Mr.  Calhoun  and  Mr.  Adams, 
a  statement  having  been  published  in  a  Western  newspaper  to  this  effect. 
Afterward  the  General  learned,  on  the  authority  of  Mr.  Crawford  and  from 
other  sources,  that  it  was  Mr.  Calhoun  who  made  the  proposition  to  punish 
him,  and  that  he  was  protected  in  the  Cabinet  by  Mr.  Crawford  and  Mr. 
Adams.  And  he  believed,  as  did  also  Mr.  Crawford,  that  the  reverse  and 
false  statement  in  the  papers  had  been  published  at  the  instigation  of  Mr. 
Calhoun,  This,  of  course,  produced  a  decided  coolness,  or  rather  a  warm  dif- 
ficulty, between  the  President  and  the  Vice-President.  Mr,  Calhoun  there- 
upon published  a  pamphlet,  addressed  to  the  people  of  the  United  States,  to 
explain  the  cause  of  the  difficulty,  and  charging  Mr.  Van  Buren  with  being 
at  the  bottom  of  all  the  mischief.  The  President  and  Vice-President  were  at 
sword-points,  the  members  of  the  Cabinet  were  divided  on  the  points  of  the 
quarrel— some  of  them  were  for  Mr.  Van  Buren  for  the  succession  and  some 
for  Calhoun.  An  explosion  was  inevitable.  The  President  had  become  at- 
tached to  Mr.  Van  Buren,  and  was  ready  to  do  anything  in  the  world  for 
him. 

It  was  ilnally  determined  that  there  must  be  a  reorganization  of  the 
Cabinet,  Mr.  Ingham,  Secretary  of  the  Treasury,  Mr.  Branch,  Secretary  of 
the  Navy,  and  Mr.  Berrien,  Attorney-General,  were  in  favor  of  Mr.  Calhoun  ; 
and  Major  Eaton,  Secretary  of  War,  and  Mr.  Barry,  Postmaster-General, 
were  in  favor  of  Mr.  Van  Buren.  In  order  to  relieve  the  President  from  the 
neocBsity  of  dismissing  any  members  of  the  Cabinet,  Mr.  Van  Buren  proposed 


OUT   OF   THE    SENATE,  121 

I  want  you  to  put  my  old  fowling  piece  into  the  stage  and 
send  it  on  here  as  quick  as  possible.  I  hope  you'll  be  as 
quick  as  you  can  about  it,  for  if  I  get  an  office  I  shan't  dare  to 
take  it  till  I  get  my  gun.  They  come  pretty  near  having  a 
shooting  scrape  here  yesterday.  The  Telegraph  paper  said 
something  about  Mr.  Eaton's  wife.  It  was  nothing  that  I 
should  think  they  need  to  make  such  a  fuss  about ;  it  only 
said  that  some  of  the  ladies  here  refused  to  visit  her.  But 
some  how  or  other  it  made  Mr.  Eaton  as  mad  as  a  March  hair. 
He  declared  he'd  fight  somebody,  he  didn't  care  who. 

The  first  man  he  happened  to  come  at  was  Mr.  Ingham. 
So  he  dared  Mr.  Ingham  out  to  fight.  Not  to  box,  as  they  do 
sometimes   up  in  Downingville,  but  to   stand  and   shoot  at 

that  the  whole  Cabinet  should  resign,  which  was  promptly  done.  Their 
places  were  filled  as  follows  :  Edward  Livingston,  of  Louisiana,  Secretary  of 
State  ;  Louis  McLane,  of  Delaware,  Secretary  of  the  Treasury  ;  Lewis  Cass, 
of  Ohio,  Secretary  of  War ;  Levi  Woodbury,  of  New  Hampshire,  Secretary 
of  the  Navy ;  Amos  Kendall,  of  Kentucky,  Postmaster-General ;  Roger  B. 
Taney,  of  Maryland,  Attorney-General.  Mr.  Downing,  who  "footed  it" 
fi'om  Portland  to  Washington  for  the  express  purpose  of  filling  one  of  these 
offices,  was  a  little  too  late,  it  seems,  as  other  people  are  sometimes  who  go 
to  Washington  on  a  similar  errand.    So  much  for  the  inside  view. 

The  outside  view  of  this  matter,  such  as  Mr.  Downing  would  take  in  his 
"  Thirty  Years,"  and  such  as  a  good  many  outside  folks  took  at  the  time, 
ehowed  "  a  lady  in  the  case."  Mr.  Eaton  had  married  Mrs.  Timberlake, 
widow  of  an  officer  of  the  navy,  and  Mr.  Eaton  and  his  wife  were  pets  and 
protege's  of  President  Jackson.  But,  in  consequence  of  certain  gossip  or 
slanders  about  this  lady,  the  wives  of  the  other  members  of  the  Cabinet  re- 
fused to  visit  or  associate  with  her.  Then,  of  course,  "  the  fat  was  all  in  the 
fire."  No  Cabinet  could  stand  an  ordeal  like  that  without  an  explosion. 
General  Jackson  was  furious  as  a  ro-iring  lion,  and  Major  Eaton  a  little 
more  so.  He  challenged  Mr.  Ingham  to  a  duel,  but  Ingham  would  not  fight. 
Then  followed  the  scenes  of  attempted  ^edress  with  canes  and  bowie-knives, 
and  an  assault  upon  Mr.  Ingham's  house  at  night,  which  was  so  bravely  de- 
fended by  Mr.  Downing,  and  so  graphi3ally  described  in  his  letter,  and,  we 
may  add,  so  well  delineated  by  our  artist. 


122  MY    TfllRTY    YEARS 

each  other.  But  Mr.  Ingham  wouldn't  touch  to,  and  told  him 
he  was  crazy.  That  made  Mr.  Eaton  ten  times  more  mad 
than  he  was  before;  and  he  declared  he'd  flog  him  anyhow, 
whether  he  was  willing  or  not.  So  he  got  a  gang  of  gentle- 
men yesterday  to  go  with  him  to  the  Treasury  Office,  where 
Mr.  Ingham  does  his  writing,  and  waited  there  and  in  a  grog ' 
shop  close  by  as  much  as  two  hours  for  a  chance  to  catch  him 
and  give  it  to  him.  Mr.  Ingham  was  out  a  visiting  in  the 
city,  and  when  he  got  home  his  folks  told  him  what  was  going 
on,  and  begged  him  not  to  go  to  the  office,  for  he  would  cer- 
tainly be  killed.  "  Poh,"  says  he,  "  do  you  think  I'm  afraid  of 
them  are  blustering  chaps?  There's  more  smoke  than  fire 
there,  I  can  tell  ye ;  give  me  my  pistols,  it  is  time  for  me  to  go 
to  the  office."  Some  of  the  ladies  cried,  and  some  almost 
fainted  away.  But  he  pacified  'em  as  well  as  he  could,  and 
then  set  out  for  the  office,  and  three  or  four  men  went  with 
him,  and  I  guess  they  carried  something  under  their  arms 
that  would  make  daylight  shine  through  a  feller  pretty  quick. 
And  I  guess  the  gang  of  gentlemen  waiting  for  him  begun 
to  smell  a  rat,  for  they  cleared  out  pretty  soon  and  never 
touched  him.  But  their  courage  came  again  in  the  evening, 
and  this  same  gang  of  gentlemen  turned  out  and  marched  up 
to  Mr.  Ingham's  house,  and  threatened  to  burst  the  doors  open 
and  drag  him  out  by  the  hair  of  the  head  and  skin  him  alive. 
I  thought  this  was  carrying  the  joke  rather  too  far,  so  I  tho't 
I'd  put  in  my  oar  ;  for  v>^hen  I  see  any  body  run  upon  too  hard 
I  can't  help  taking  their  part. 

So  I  stepped  up  to  Mr.  Ingham's  front  door  steps,  and  threw 
my  hat  down,  and  rolled  up  my  sleeves,  and  spit  on  my  hands; 
and  by  that  time  the  chaps  began  to  stare  at  me  a  little.   And 


'^^il^^l^^w^' 


[123] 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  125 

now  says  I,  "  Major  Eaton,  this  is  quite  too  bad.  A  man's 
house  is  his  castle.  Here's  Mr.  Ingham  in  his  house  as  peace- 
able as  a  lamb;  he  isn't  a  meddling  with  nobody,  and  you 
needn't  think  to  drag  him  out  here  to-night,  I  can  tell  ye.  If 
you  really  want  to  take  a  bit  of  a  box,  just  throw  away  your 
powder  and  ball  and  here's  the  boy  for  you.  I'll  take  a  fist  or 
two  with  you  and  glad  of  the  chance." 

"  You  impudent  scoundrel,"  says  he,  "who  are  you  ?  what 
business  is  it  to  you  what  I  done  ?  Clear  out,  or  I'll  send  you 
where  you  ought  to  have  been  long  ago." 

"Well,  then,  you'll  send  me  into  sone  good  ofiSce,"  says  I, 
for  there's  where  I  ought  to  have  been  more  than  two  years 
ago." 

"  Well,"  says  he,  "  clear  out ;"  and  up  he  come  blustering 
along  toward  the  steps.  But  I  jest  put  my  foot  down,  and 
doubled  up  my  fist,  and  now,  says  I,  "  Major  Eaton,  it  won't 
be  healthy  for  you  to  come  on  to  these  steps  to-night." 

Says  he,  "  I'm  going  through  that  door  whether  or  no " 
Says  I,  "  you  don't  go  through  this  door  to-night,  without  you 
pass  over  the  dead  body  of  Jack  Downiiig,  of  the  State  of 
Maine."  My  stars,  when  they  heard  that,  they  dropt  their 
heads  as  quick  as  though  they  had  been  cut  off,  for  they  didn't 
know  who  I  was  before.  Major  Eaton  and  the  whole  gang  of 
gentlemen  with  him  turned  right  about  and  marched  away  as 
whist  as  mice  They  were  afraid  I  should  have  'em  all  before 
the  President  to-day,  and  have  'em  turned  out  of  office;  for  it's 
got  whispered  round  the  city  that  the  President  sets  a  great 
deal  by  me,  and  that  I  have  a  good  deal  of  influence  with  him. 

This  morning  Mr.  Ingham  started  for  Philadelphy.  Before 
he  left,  he  thanked   me   a  thousand   times  for  defending  his 


126  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

house  so  well  last  night,  and  he  -vrrote  a  letter  to  tne  Presi- 
dent, telling  him  all  about  the  scrape.  I  went  a  piece  with 
him  to  see  him  safe  out  of  the  city  on  the  great  road  toward 
Baltimore. 

About  my  prospects  for  an  office,  I  can't  tell  you  yet  how  I 
shall  come  out.  Pve  been  in  to  see  the  President  a  number 
of  times,  and  he  talks  very  favorable.  I  have  some  chance  to 
get  in  to  be  Secretary  of  War,  if  old  Judge  White  don't  take 
it ;  and  if  I  don't  get  that  the  President  says  he'll  do  the  best 
he  can  for  me. 

I  never  had  to  be  so  strict  a  Republikan  before  in  my  life  as 
Pve  had  to  be  since  Pve  been  here,  in  order  to  get  the  right 
side  of  the  President.  Pll  tell  you  something  about  it  in  my 
next,  and  about  my  visits  to  the  President,  and  a  good  many 
other  famous  things  here. 

P.  S. — ^Be  sure  and  send  the  old  gun  as  quick  as  possible. 
Your  loving  neffu, 

JACK  DOWNING 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  12T 


LETTER  XXIII. 

MR.  DOWNING  RECEIVES  A  CAPTAIN's  COMMISSION  IN  THE  UNITED  STATES 
ARMY,  WITH  ORDERS  TO  GO  AND  PROTECT  THE  INHABITANTS  OF 
MADAWASKA. 

Washington  City,  the  20th  day  of  October,  1831. 

To  Uncle  Joshua  Downing,  itp  in  Downingville,  State  of  Maine^ 
this  with  care  and  speed  : 

Dear  Uncle  Joshua  : — I've  got  it  at  last,  as  true  as  you're 
alive,  and  now  I  don't  keer  a  snap  for  the  fattest  of  'em.  I'll 
teach  them  are  young  chaps  down  to  Portland  that  used  to  poke 
fun  at  me  so  because  I  didn't  get  in  to  be  Governor,  that  they 
must  carry  a  better  tongue  in  their  heads,  or  they'll  find  out 
who  they  are  talking  to.  I  guess  they'll  find  out  by  and  by  it 
won't  be  healthy  for  'em  to  poke  fun  at  an  officer  of  my  rank. 
And  as  for  Jemime  Parsons,  that  married  the  schoolmaster 
winter  before  last,  when  she  had  promised  as  fair  as  could  be 
that  she  would  have  me,  she  may  go  to  grass  for  what  I  keer  ; 
I  wouldn't  have  her  now  no  more  than  I'd  have  a  Virginny 
nigger.  And  I  guess  when  she  comes  to  see  me  with  my  regi- 
mentals on  she'll  feel  sorry  enough,  and  wish  her  cake  was 
dough  again.  Now  she's  tied  down  to  that  clodpole  of  a 
schoolmaster,  that  wasn't  fit  for  a  schoolmaster  neither,  for  he 
has  had  to  go  to  hoeing  potatoes  for  a  living,  and  much  as 
ever  he  can  get  potatoes  enough  to  keep  'em  from  starving, 
when  if  she  had  only  done  as  she  had  promised,  she  might 
now  be  the   wife   of  Captain  Jack  Downing,  of  the  United 


128  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

States  Army.  But  let  her  go;  as  I  said  afore,  I  don't  care  a 
snap  for  her  or  all  old  White's  cattle.  I'll  tell  3^ou  what  'tis, 
uncle,  I  feel  about  right  now.  It  seems  to  me  I  could  foot  it 
home  in  two  days,  for  ray  feet  never  felt  half  so  light  before. 
There's  nothing  like  trying,  in  this  world,  uncle;  anybody  that 
tries  can  be  something  or  other,  if  he  don't  get  discouraged 
too  soon.  When  I  came  on  here,  you  know,  I  expected  to  get 
one  of  the  great  Secretaries'  offices;  but  the  good  old  Presi- 
dent told  me  they  had  got  him  into  such  a  hobble  about  them 
are  offices  that  he  couldn't  giv^e  me  one  of  'em  if  he  was  to  die. 
But  he  treated  m.e  like  a  gentleman,  and  I  shall  always  vote 
for  him  as  long  as  I  live,  and  I  told  him  so.  And  when  he 
found  out  that  I  was  a  true  genuine  Republikan,  says  he, 
"  Mr.  Downing,  you  must  be  patient,  and  I'll  bear  you  in  mind, 
and  do  something  for  you  the  very  first  chance.  And  you  may 
depend  upon  it,  Mr.  Downing,"  he  added  with  a  good  deal  of 
earnestness,  "  I  never  desert  my  friends,  let  that  lying  Ste- 
phen Simpson,  of  Philadelphy,  say  what  he  will  about  it — a 
good-for-nothing,  ungrateful  dog,"  And  he  fetched  a  stomp 
with  his  foot,  and  liis  eyes  kind  of  flashed  so  fiery  that  I 
couldn't  help  starting  back,  for  I  didn't  know  but  he  was 
going  to  knock  me  over.  But  he  looked  pleasant  again  in  a 
minute,  and  took  me  b^^  the  hand,  and  now,  suys  he,  "  Mr. 
Downing,  I  give  you  my  honor  that  I'll  do  something  for  j'ou 
as  soon  as  I  possibly  can."  I  told  him  I  hoped  he  would  be  as 
spry  as  he  could  about  it,  for  I  had  but  jest  ninepence  left, 
and  I  didn't  know  how  I  should  get  along  very  well,  in  a 
strange  place,  too.  But  he  told  me  never  to  mind  that  at  all  ; 
I  might  come  and  eat  my  meals  at  his  liouse  whenever  I'd  a 
mind  to   or  he  would  be  bondsman  for  my  board  where  I  put 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE. 


129 


up.  So  I've  worked  along  from  that  time  to  this,  nearly  four 
months,  as  well  as  I  could — sometimes  getting*  a  little  job  of 
garden-work,  and  sometimes  getting  a  little  wood  to  saw,  and 
so  on,  nearly  enough  to  pay  my  expenses.  I  used  to  call  and 
see  the  President  once  in  a  while,  and  he  always  told  me  I 


GENERAL  JACKSON  SENDS  FOR  MR.  DOWNING. 

must  be  patient  and  keep  up  a  good  heart — the  world  wasn't 
made  in  one  day — and  something  would  turn  up  for  me  by  and 
by.  But  fact,  after  digging  and  sawing,  and  waiting  four 
months,  my  patience  got  most  wore  out,  and  I  was  jest  upon 
the  point  of  giving  up  the  chase,  and  starting  off  for  Down- 
6 


]30  MY    THIRiy    YEARS 

ingville  with  the  intention  of  retiring  to  private  life,  when, 
last  night,  about  seven  o'clock,  as  I  sot  eating  a  bowl  of 
bread  and  milk  for  my  supper,  a  boy  knocked  at  the  door  and 
wanted  to  see  Mr.  Downing.  So  they  brought  him  into  the 
room  where  I  was,  and  says  he,  "  Mr.  Downing,  the  President 
wants  to  see  you  for  something  very  particular,  right  away 
this  evening."  My  heart  almost  jump'd  right  up  in  my  mouth. 
My  spoon  dropt  out  of  my  hand,  and  to  eat  another  mouthful 
I  couldn't  if  I  was  to  starve.  I  flew  round,  and  washed  my 
face  and  hands,  and  combed  my  head,  and  brushed  up  as  well 
as  I  could,  and  should  have  looked  tolerable  spruce  if  it 
hadn't  been  for  an  unlucky  hole  in  the  knee  of  my  trouses. 
What  to  do  I  did  not  know.  It  made  me  feel  bad  enough  I 
can  tell  you.  The  woman  where  I  boarded  said  she  would 
mend  them  for  me  if  I  would  take  them  off,  but  it  would  take 
her  till  about  nine  o'clock,  and  the  President  was  waiting  for 
me,  and  there  'twas.  Such  a  hobble  I  never  was  in  before. 
But  this  woman  is  a  kind,  good  creature  as  ever  was  ;  she 
boards  me  for  four  and  sixpence  a  week,  considering  that  I 
split  wood  for  her,  and  bring  water,  and  do  all  sich  kind  of 
chores.  And  she  always  had  some  contrivance  to  got  out  of 
every  difficulty  ;  and  so  she  handed  me  a  neat  little  pocket 
handkerchief  and  told  me  to  tie  that  round  my  knee.  Being 
thus  rigged  out  at  last,  I  started  off  as  fast  as  I  could  go  for 
the  President's. 

When  I  went  into  his  room  the  old  gentleman  was  sitting 
by  a  table  with  his  spectacles  on,  and  two  great  lamps  burn- 
ing before  him,  and  a  bundle  of  letters  and  papers  in  his  hand. 
He  started  up  and  cook  me  by  the  hand,  and  sayu  he,  "  good 
evening,  Mr.  Downing,  I'm  very  glad  to  see  you  ;  you  are  the 


OUT    OF    THK    SExNATE.  131 

very  man  I  want  now,  above  all  others  in  the  world.  But 
now  is  this,"  says  he,  looking  at  my  knee  ;  "  not  lame,  I  hope  ? 
That  would  be  a  most  unfortunate  thing  in  this  critical  mo- 
ment. It  would  knock  my  plan  in  the  head  at  once."  I  felt 
kind  of  blue,  and  I  guess  I  blushed  a  little  ;  but  I  turned  it 
off  as  well  as  I  could  ;  I  told  him  I  wasn't  lame  at  all  ;  it 
was  nothing  but  a  slight  scrach,  and  by  to-morrow  morning  I 
should  be  as  well  as  ever  I  was  in  my  life.  "  Well  then," 
says  he,  *'  Mr.  Downing,  sit  down  here  and  see  what  I  have 
got  to  tell  you."  The  old  gentleman  set  himself  back  in  his 
chair  and  pushed  his  spectacles  up  on  his  forehead  and  held  up 
the  letter  in  his  hand,  and  says  he,  "  Mr.  Downing,  here  is  a 
letter  from  Governor  Smith,  of  Maine,  and  now.  Sir,  I've  got 
something  for  you  to  do.  You  see  now  that  I  was  sincere 
when  I  told  you  if  you  would  be  patient  and  stick  to  the  Re- 
publikan  text,  I  would  look  out  for  you  one  of  these  days.  I'm 
always  true  to  my  friends  ;  that  lying  Stephen  Simpson  might 
have  had  an  office  before  now  if  he  had  behaved  himself." 

"  Well,  dear  Sir,"  said  I,  for  I  felt  in  such  a  pucker  to  know 
what  I  was  going  to  get  that  I  couldn't  stand  it  any  longer, 
so  says  I,  "  what  sort  of  business  is  it  you've  got  for  me 
to  do  ?"  Says  he  "  Mr.  Downing,  I  take  it  you  are  a  man  of 
courage  ;  I  have  always  thought  so  ever  since  you  faced  Mr. 
Eaton  so  boldly  on  Mr.  Ingham's  door-steps.  Tho'  I  was  sorry 
your  courage  was  not  displayed  in  a  better  cause,  for  that 
Ingham  is  a  rascal  after  all."  I  told  him  as  for  courage  I  be- 
lieved I  had  some  of  the  stuff  about  me  when  there  was  any 
occasion  for  it,  and  that  I  never  would  stand  by  and  see  any- 
body abused.  "  Well,"  says  he,  "  we  must  come  to  the  point, 
for  the  business  requires  haste.     Governor  Smith   writes  me 


132  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

that  there  are  four  of  your  fellow-citizens  of  Maine  in  a  British 
jail  at  Fredericton,  who  have  been  taken  from  their  farms  by 
British  constables  and  sheriffs  and  other  officers  and  carried 
off  by  force  to  prison." 

By  this  time  my  very  hair  begun  to  curl,  I  felt  so  mad,  and 
I  couldn't  help  jumping  up  and  smiting  my  fists  together,  and 
saying  pretty  hard  things  about  the  British. 

"  Well,"  says  the  President,  "  I  like  your  spunk,  Mr.  Down- 
ing ;  you're  jest  the  man  I  want  in  this  business.  I'm  going 
to  give  you  a  captain's  commission  in  the  United  States  army, 
and  you  must  go  down  there  and  set  that  business  right  at 
Madawaska.  You  must  go  to  Maine  and  raise  a  company  of 
volunteers  as  quick  as  possible  ;  tell  'em  I'll  see  'em  paid  ; 
and  you  must  march  down  to  Fredericton  and  demand  the 
prisoners,  and  if  they  are  not  given  up  you  must  force  the 
jail,  and  if  the  British  make  any  resistance  you  must  fire 
upon  them  and  bring  the  prisoners  off  at  some  rate  or  other. 
Then  write  me  and  let  me  know  how  affairs  stand,  and  I'll 
give  you  further  orders.  At  any  rate  you  must  see  that  the 
rights  of  Maine  are  well  protected,  for  that  State  has  come 
round  so  in  my  favor  since  last  year  I'm  determined  to  do 
everything  I  can  for  them;  I  tell  you,  Mr.  Downing,  I  never 
desert  my  friends." 

So,  after  he  gave  me  the  rest  of  my  orders  and  my  commis- 
sion, and  a  pocket  full  of  money,  and  told  me  to  be  brave  and 
if  I  wanted  anything  to  let  him  know,  he  bid  me  good  night, 
and  I  went  home.  But  I  couldn't  sleep  a  wink  all  night.  I 
was  up  before  day-light  this  morning,  and  I've  got  two 
women  to  work  for  me  to-day  fixing  up  my  clothes,  and  I  shall 
be  ready  to  start  to-morrow  morning.     I  want  you  to  keep 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  183 

this  matter  pretty  still  till  I  get  there,  except  that  you  raay 
let  cousin  Ephraim  know  it  and  get  him  to  volunteer  some  of 
the  Downingville  boys  for  my  company.  I  want  to  get  them 
pretty  much  all  there  if  I  can,  for  I  know  what  sort  of  stuff 
the  Downingville  boys  are  made  of,  and  shall  know  what  I've 
got  to  depend  upon. 

In  haste,  your  loving  neffu, 

CAPTAIN  JACK  DOWNING. 


134  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 


LETTER  XXIV. 

UNCLE  JOSHUA  DESCRIBES  TO  PRESIDENT  JACKSON  HOW  THEY  DRAFTED 
THE  MILITIA  COMPANY  IN  DOWNINGVILLE  TO  GO  WITH  CAPT.  JACK 
DOWNING  TO  THE  MADAWASKA  WAR. 

DowNiNGviLLE,  Nov.  6,  1831. 
General  Jackson — Dear  Sir :  I  hope  you'll  excuse  me,  my 
makin'  bold  to  write  to  you,  bein'  you  are  President  of  the 
United  States  and  I  only  a  humble  farmer  in  the  back-woods 
down  here  in  Maine  ;  but  I'm  a  Republikan  to  the  back-bone, 
60  I  kind  of  think  you'll  take  it  in  good  part.  My  neffu,  Cap- 
tain Jack  Downing,  has  been  here  and  got  his  company  and 
started  off  for  Madawaska.  He  said  he  ought  to  write  to  you 
before  he  started,  but  he  was  so  arnest  to  get  down  there  and 
give  them  New  Brumzickers  a  thrashin'  he  didn't  know  how 
to  stop.  So  I  told  him  to  go  ahead,  and  I'd  write  and  tell  you 
all  about  it  arter  he  was  gone.  We  had  the  company  all 
drafted  and  cut  and  dried  for  him  when  he  got  here,  for  the 
Governor  of  the  State  had  given  orders  to  draft  the  militia  all 
over  the  State  to  be  ready  for  the  war  down  in  the  disputed 
territory. 

My  son  Joel  has  gone  down  to  the  boundary  war  along 
with  the  rest  of  'em,  and  we  feel  bad  enough  about  it,  I  can 
tell  you.  He's  too  young  to  go,  I  know;  he's  a  mere  striplin' 
of  a  boy  yet;  he  won't  be  seventeen  years  old  till  the  fifth  day 
of  next  May,  if  he  should  live  to  sec  it.  But  the  poor  boy 
may  not  live  to  see  that  day  now;  for  he's  taken  his  life  in  his 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  135 

hands,  and  gone  to  fight  for  bis  coiuitry  like  a  man  and  a 
hero,  live  or  die.  It  was  a  tryin'  time  to  us,  Gineral ;  it  was 
a  tryin'  time — but  I  may  as  well  tell  you  the  story,  and  then 
you'll  know. 

After  we  heard  the  British  had  taken  our  land  agent,  and 
carried  him  off  to  New  Brumzick,  we  begun  to  look  out  for  a 
squall.  It  was  about  dark  when  the  post  brought  the  papers 
that  had  the  account  of  it  ;  so,  arter  supper,  we  all  went  into 
father's  to  talk  the  matter  over.  For  father  knows  more 
about  sich  matters  than  anybody  else  in  Downingville — he  was 
out  three  years  in  the  Revolution,  and  was  in  the  battle  of 
Lexington  before  he  'listed,  and  had  the  fore-finger  of  his  right 
hand  shot  off  in  the  battle  of  Bunker  Hill,  jest  as  he  was  pull- 
ing trigger,  and  aiming  at  a  British  officer  that  was  hurrying 
up  the  hill,  and  driving  his  soldiers  up  like  a  fury.  But 
father  always  says  he  didn't  lose  his  shot  by  it ;  for  when  lie 
found  that  finger  was  gone,  and  wouldn't  pull,  he  tried  the 
next  finger,  and  the  old  gun  went  without  losing  his  aim,  and 
the  British  ofiicer  fell  ;  and  he  always  believed  it  was  his 
shot  brought  him  down.  Though  father  is  eighty-five  years 
old  now,  and  is  so  lame  he  can't  walk  about  much,  yet  his 
mind  holds  out  remarkably,  and  he  can  talk  about  these 
things  as  smart  as  ever  he  could.  His  house  stands  right 
aside  of  mine,  only  fur  enough  apart  for  a  long  shed  between 
'em,  and  he  used  to  live  in  the  same  house  with  me,  or  rather, 
I  lived  in  the  same  house  with  him,  till  I  had  so  many 
children,  and  my  family  got  so  large  'twas  rather  worrisome 
to  the  old  gentleman,  and  we  was  rather  scant  of  room,  so  I 
built  another  house  and  moved  into  it,  and  got  cousin  Debby 
to  live  with  the  old  folks  and  take  care  of  them. 


136  MY   THIRTY   YEARS 

So,  as  I  said  afore,  arter  supper  we  took  the  papers  ano 
went  into  father's,  and  I  sot  down  and  read  it  all  over  tc 
him — how  a  parcel  of  the  British  come  over  into  our  disputed 
territory  and  went  to  cutting  down  our  timber  like  smoke,  so 
as  to  steal  it,  and  carry  it  off  in  the  spring  when  the  rivers 
open,  away  down  to  New  Brumzick  ;  and  how  our  Governor, 
as  soon  as  he  heard  about  it,  sent  Mr.  Mclntire,  the  land 
agent,  and  a  hundred  and  fifty  men  to  put  a  stop  to  that 
stealin'  business,  and  ketch  the  fellers  if  he  could,  and  bring 
'em  ofi';  and  how  Mr.  Mclntire  took  his  men  and  marched 
off  down  there  into  the  woods,  ever  so  fur,  into  our  disputed 
territory,  and  got  all  ready  and  was  jest  a  going  to  ketch  the 
fellers  and  bring  'em  off  up  to  Augusta,  when  the  thieving 
chaps  turned  about  and  ketched  him,  and  put  him  on  a  sled  and 
hauled  him  off  down  to  Fredericton,  in  New  Brumzick,  and 
put  him  in  jail 

When  I  got  along  so  fur,  father  couldn't  hold  still  no 
longer  ;  he  struck  his  staff  down  on  the  floor,  jest  as  if  it  had 
been  a  training-gun,  and  says  he : 

'*  Joshua,  there'll  be  trouble  ;  you  may  depend  upon't, 
there'll  be  trouble.  If  our  people  will  stand  that,  they  ain't 
made  of  such  kind  of  stuff  as  the  old  Revolution  folks  was 
made  of,  nor  nothing  like  it.  In  them  days,  if  the  British  had 
took  one  of  our  men  and  hauled  him  off  to  Fredericton,  and 
put  him  in  jail,  every  man  in  the  old  Bay  State,  and  every  boy 
tu,  that  was  big  enough  to  carry  a  gun,  would  a  shouldered 
it,  and  marched  to  New  Brumzick,  and  Fredericton  jail  would 
a  been  stripped  down  in  no  time,  and  Mr.  Mclntire  brought 
home  agin." 

Says   I,    "  father,    you    mistake ;    your    Revolution    folks 


OUT   OF   THE    SENATE.  137 

couldn't  a  brought  Mr.  Mclntire  home  again,  for  he  was  not 
there  in  them  days;  it's  Mr.  Mclntire  that's  in  jail  now." 

"  Yes  they  would,"  said  the  old  gentleman,  rising  out  of  his 
chair,  and  striking  his  staff  down  on  the  floor  harder  than  he 
did  afore;  "they'd  a  gone  after  Mr.  Mclntire,  or  any  other 
man  living,  that  had  American  blood  in  his  veins,  and  they'd 
a  brought  him  back,  if  they'd  had  to  fit  their  way  through 
forty  New  Brumzicks  for  him.  Ain't  the  people  waking  up 
about  it  no  where  ?  ain't  they  going  down  to  give  them  New 
Brumzicks  a  thrashing  ?" 

I  looked  at  my  son  Joel,  and  I  see  his  face  was  all  of  a 
blaze;  and  he  looked  as  if  he  was  jest  a  going  to  burst  out. 

Says  I,  "  Joel,  my  boy,  what's  the  matter  ?" 

His  face  grew  redder,  and  the  tears  came  into  his  eyes,  and 
he  struck  his  fists  together,  hard  enough  to  crack  a  walnut. 

"  By  king,"  says  he,  "  father,  I  wish  I  was  old  enough  to 
train  ;  I  want  to  go  down  there,  and  help  give  them  are 
British  what  they  deserve." 

"By  the  memory  of  George  Washington  I"  said  my  father, 
"  I  wish  I  was  young  enough  to  train;  I  should  like  to  shoul- 
der my  gun  agin,  and  go  and  teach  them  New  Brumzickers 
better  manners.  But  what  are  they  doing  at  Augusta  ?  Ain^t 
there  no  stir  about  it  yet  ?" 

Says  I,  "  we'll  read  on  and  see."  So  I  looked  over  the 
papers  a  little  more,  and  found  the  Governor  had  ordered  ten 
thousand  of  the  militia  to  be  drafted  to  go  down  and  keep  the 
British  out  of  our  disputed  territory,  and  prevent  their  steal- 
ing our  pine  timber. 

"  That  looks  something  like  it,"  said  my  father  ;  "  that's  a 

little  like  the  spunk  of  old  seventy-six.    The  British  '11  have  to 
6* 


138  Mt    THIRTY    YEARS 

let  our  disputed  territory  alone  now,  or  else  they'll  have  to 
come  to  the  scratch  for  it.  I  wish  I  was  twenty  years 
younger,  I'd  go  down  as  a  volunteer." 

"  I  wish  I  was  only  two  years  older,"  said  my  son  Joel, 
"  then  I  should  stan'  a  chance  to  be  drafted  j  and  if  I  wasn't 
drafted,  I'd  go,  whether  or  no." 

At  that  my  wife  and  mother  both  fetched  a  heavy  sigh. 
Mother  said  she  thought  father  had  been  through  wars 
enough  in  his  day  to  rest  in  his  old  age,  and  let  sich  things 
alone.  M}^  wife,  she  wiped  her  eyes,  for  they  was  full  of  tears, 
and  begged  Joel  not  to  talk  so,  for  he  was  too  young  ever  to 
think  of  sich  things.  And  then  she  turned  to  father,  and 
asked  him  if  he  really  thought  there  was  going  to  be  any  war. 

"Yes,"  said  father,  "jest  as  true  as  the  sun  will  rise  to- 
morrow, there'll  be  a  war,  and  that  pretty  soon  tu,  unless  the 
New  Brumzickers  back  out,  and  give  up  Mr.  Mclntire,  and  let 
the  timber  on  our  disputed  territory  alone.  The  orders  will 
be  up  here  to  draft  the  militia  within  two  days,  and  I 
shouldn't  be  surprised  if  they  should  be  called  out  before  to- 
morrow morning." 

At  that  my  wife  and  the  gals  had  a  pretty  considerable  of  a 
crying  spell. 

After  we'd  talked  the  matter  all  over,  we  went  home,  and 
went  to  bed  ;  but  we  didn't  any  of  us  rest  very  well.  My 
wife  she  sighed  herself  to  sleep  arter  awhile  ;  and  I  heard  my 
son  Joel,  arter  he  got  to  sleep,  muttering  about  guns  and  the 
British,  and  declaring  he  would  go.  I  had  jest  got  into  a 
drowse,  about  midnight,  when  I  heard  a  heavy  knock  at  the 
door.  I  sprung  out  of  bed,  and  went  and  looked  out  of  the 
window,  and  asked  who  was  there. 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  139 

"  Sargent  Johnson,"  was  the  reply.  "  We've  got  to  stan 
a,  draft  to-night.  The  Governor's  orders  got  here  about  an 
hour  ago.  We're  sending  round  to  warn  our  company  to 
meet  up  here,  to  Mr.  Wilson's  tavern,  at  two  o'clock  this 
morning  ;  it's  near  about  one  now,  and  the  Captain  wants 
Squire  Downing  to  come  over  and  help  see  about  making  the 
draft.  He  wants  to  get  through  with  it  as  soon  as  he  can,  so 
them  that's  drafted  may  be  getting  ready,  for  they've  got  to 
set  out  to  Bangor  at  eight  o'clock  this  morning." 

I  told  him  I  would  come  right  over  ;  and  so  I  lit  a  candle 
and  dressed  myself  as  quick  as  I  could,  and  come  out  into  the 
kitchen  to  put  on  my  boots,  and  who  should  I  find  there  but 
my  son  Joel  all  dressed,  and  his  cap  on,  ready  for  a  start.  He 
had  heard  what  had  been  said,  and  it  put  the  fidgets  right 
into  him. 

Says  he,  ''  Father,  I  want  to  go  over  and  see  'em  draft."  I 
told  him  he  better  be  abed  and  asleep  by  half.  But  he  said 
he  couldn't  sleep;  and  I  found  the  boy  was  so  arnest  to  go, 
that  I  finally  told  him  he  might. 

We  hadn't  more  than  got  dressed,  before  we  heard  the  drum 
beat  over  to  Mr.  Wilson's  tavern  ;  so  we  started  off  and  went 
over.  When  we  got  there,  they  had  a  fire  in  the  large  hall, 
and  the  company  was  most  all  there.  The  Captain  had  got  a 
bowl  and  some  black  beans  and  white  beans  all  ready,  and  he 
wanted  me  to  draw  for  them,  so  they  might  all  feel  satisfied 
there  was  no  partiality.  There  was  one  sargent  to  be  drafted, 
and  we  drew  him  first ;  and  it  fell  to  Sargent  Johnson.  He 
stood  it  like  a  man  ;  I  didn't  see  as  he  trembled  or  turned 
pale  a  bit  He  looked  a  little  redder  if  anything,  and  kind  of 
bit  his  lip  as  hg  took  his  gun  and  marched  into  the  middle  of 


140  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

the  floor,  and  he  turned  round  and  looked  at  the  company,  and 
says  he, 

"  Pm  ready  to  go  and  fight  for  our  country  to  the  last  drop 
of  my  blood  but  what  we'll  make  the  British  back  out  of  our 
disputed  territory,  and  stop  their  thieving." 

The  company  gave  three  cheers  for  Sargent  Johnson,  and 
then  we  went  to  drafting  the  privates.  There  was  eighty  in 
the  company,  and  twenty  was  to  be  drafted.  So  they  took 
sixty  white  beans  and  twenty  black  ones,  and  put  'em  into  the 
bowl,  and  held  it  up,  so  nobody  couldn't  look  into  it,  and  I 
was  to  draw  'em  out  as  the  orderly  sargent  called  out  the 
names.  So  when  we  got  ready  to  begin,  the  sargent  sung 
out, 

"  William  Jones." 

I  put  my  had  into  the  bowl  and  drawed,  and  sung  out, 

"  White  bean." 

"  Peter  Livermore,"  cried  the  sargent. 

Peter  Livermore  started,  as  if  he'd  had  a  shock  from  an 
electrical  machine  ;  his  legs  shook  a  little,  and  he  looked  in 
the  face  as  if  he  felt  rather  bad.  I  put  my  hand  in  and 
drawed,  and  sung  out, 

"  White  bean." 

Peter  looked  better  in  a  minate.  He's  a  great,  tall,  six-foot 
chap,  and  looks  as  if  he  could  almost  whip  a  regiment  of  com- 
mon fellers  himself  ;  and  although  he's  something  of  a  brag, 
it's  generally  thought,  when  you  come  right  up  to  the  pinch 
of  the  game,  he's  a  little  cowardly.  Peter  stretched  his  head 
back,  and  straddled  his  legs  a  little  wider,  and  looked  round 
on  the  company,  and  says  he, 

''  I  swow,  I  thought  I  should  a  been  drafted,  and  I  almost 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  141 

wish  I  had.  It  would  a  been  fun  alive  to  a  gone  down  there, 
and  had  a  brush  'long  with  them  are  New  Brumzickers.  My 
old  fowling-piece  would  a  made  daylight  shine  through  fifty  of 
'em  in  half  an  hour's  fighting.  I  swow  I'm  disappinted — I 
was  in  hopes  I  should  been  drafted." 

The  company  knew  Peter  too  well  to  mind  much  what  he 
said  ;  they  only  laughed  a  little,  and  the  Sargent  went  on,  and 
called  out, 

"  John  Smith,  the  third.'' 

I  drawed  to  it,  and  says  I, 

"  White  bean." 

The  Sargent  called  out  again, 

"  John  Downing,  the  second." 

That  was  the  oldest  son  of  Uncle  John  Downing,  the  black- 
smith, a  smart  boy,  and  twenty-three  years  old.  Somehow,  as 
soon  as  I  heard  his  name,  I  kind  of  felt  as  if  he  was  going  to 
be  drafted  ;  and  I  put  in  my  hand  and  drawed,  and  sure  enough, 
I  sung  out, 

"  Black  bean." 

John  shouldered  his  gun  in  a  minute,  and  marched  out  into 
the  middle  of  the  floor,  and  took  his  stand  beside  Sargent 
Johnson.  He  looked  so  resolute,  and  marched  so  quick,  that 
the  company  at  once  gave  three  cheers  for  John. 

"  David  Sanborn,"  cried  the  Sargent. 

"  White  bean,"  said  I. 

"  Ichabod  Downing,"  said  the  Sargent. 

I  drawed,  and  answered  the  same  as  before, 

"  White  bean." 

"  Jeremiah  Cole,"  called  out  the  Sargent. 

"  Black  bean,"  said  I  ;  "  black  bean  for  Jerry." 


142  MY   THIRTY   YEARS 

After  waiting  a  miuute,  the  Captain  called  out,  "  Where's 
Jerry  Cole  ?     Isn't  Jerry  here  ?" 

•'  Yes,  setting  down  behind  here  on  a  bench,"  answered  half 
a  dozen  at  once. 

"  Come  Jerry,  come  forward,"  said  the  Captain  ;  "  let  us  see 
your  spunk." 

By  and  by  Jerry  come  creeping  out  from  behind  the  com- 
pany, and  tried  to  get  across  the  floor  ;  but  his  face  was  as 
white  as  a  cloth,  and  he  shook  and  trembled  so  he  couldn't 
scarcely  walk.  He  let  his  gun  fall  on  the  floor,  and  sot  down 
in  a  chair  that  stood  by  the  side  of  the  room,  and  boo-hoo'd 
out  a  crying  like  a  baby. 

"  Well  done,"  said  the  Captain  ;  "  there's  spunk  for  you. 
What's  the  matter,  Jerry — can't  you  go  ?" 

"  Booh-hoo,"  said  Jerry,  "  I  aint  well — I'm  very  sick.  Cap- 
tain ;  I  don't  think  I  could  go  any  way  in  the  world." 

"  Well,  well,"  said  the  Captain,  "  leave  your  gun,  and  you 
may  run  home  as  fast  as  you  can  go,  and  see  your  mother, 
and  we'll  get  somebody  else  to  go  in  your  room." 

At  that,  Jerry  darted  out  of  the  door,  and  pulled  foot  for 
home,  like  a  streak  of  lightning. 

"  Where's  Peter  Livermore,"  said  the  Captain  ;  "he  may 
take  Jerry's  place,  being  he  was  disappointed  at  not  being 
drafted."  And  he  called  Peter,  and  told  him  to  take  Jerry's 
gun  and  stand  up  in  the  floor  with  the  drafts.  Peter  colored 
as  red  as  you  ever  see,  and  begun  to  sweat.     At  last,  says  he  : 

"  Captain,  I  don't  see  how  I  can  go  any  way  in  the  world, 
my  family's  out  of  wood  and  meal,  and  a  good  many  other 
things,  and  I  couldn't  leave  home." 

"  Oh,"  says  the  Captain,  "  we'll  take  care  of  your  family 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  143 

while  you  are  gone,  Peter.     Come,  take  the  gun  ;  don't  stop 
to  parley." 

"  But,  Captain,"  said  Peter,  the  sweat  beginning  to  roll  off 
his  face,  "  if  Pd  been  drafted.  Captain,  Pd  a  gone  with  the 
greatest  pleasure  in  the  world,  and  shouldn't  wanted  no  bet- 
ter fun.  But  somehow  or  other,  it  seems  to  me  like  presump- 
tion, to  go  throwing  myself  into  danger,  when  it  wasn't  my 
lot  to  go.  I  shouldn't  like  to  go,  Captain,  without  I  was 
drafted." 

"  Well,  well,"  said  the  Captain,  "  you  needn't  go  ;  we  want 
no  cowards  to  go.  But  who  is  there  here,  among  the  specta- 
tors, or  among  the  men  whose  names  have  been  called,  that 
isn't  afraid  to  take  Jerry's  gun  and  fill  Jerry's  place.  If  there's 
any  one  here  that's  willing  to  go,  let  him  come  forward." 

At  that,  my  son  Joel  sprung  like  a  young  tiger,  and  seized 
Jerry's  gun,  and  jumped  into  the  middle  of  the  floor  and  stood 
up  by  the  side  of  Sargent  Johnson,  and  shouldered  his  gun 
with  so  much  eagerness,  and  looked  so  fierce  and  determined, 
although  nothing  but  a  striplin'  of  a  boy,  that  the  whole  com- 
pany burst  out  in  three  tremendous  cheers  for  Joel  Downing. 
The  Captain  asked  me  if  I  was  willing  he  should  go.  I  was 
never  so  tried  in  my  life.  For  my  own  part,  bein'  the  boy  was 
so  brave  and  wanted  to  go  so  much,  I  should  a  said  yes.  But 
then  I  knew  it  would  almost  kill  his  mother.  So,  what  to  do 
I  didn't  know.  But  I  found  the  boy  had  got  his  mind  so  fixed 
upon  going,  that  if  he  didn't  go  it  would  about  kill  him.  So, 
on  the  whole,  I  told  the  Captain  yes,  he  might  put  his  name 
down. 

Then  we  went  on  with  the  drafting  again  and  got  all  through 
without  any  more  trouble,  and  got  ready  to  go  home  about 


144  MY   THIRTY   YEARS 

three  o'clock.  The  Captain  told  them  that  was  drafted  that 
they  must  all  be  ready  to  march  at  eight  o'clock  in  the  morn- 
ing, and  they  must  be  in  front  of  the  tavern  at  that  hour,  and 
start  together  for  Bangor.  My  son  Joel  and  I  then  went 
home,  and  made  up  a  fire  and  routed  the  folks  all  out,  and  told 
'em  Joel  was  listed,  and  got  to  start  at  eight  o'clock,  to  fight 
for  our  disputed  territory.  Sich  an  outcry  as  there  was  for 
about  a  half  an  hour  I  guess  you  never  heard;  My  wife 
couldn't  a  cried  harder  if  Joel  had  been  shot  dead  there  before 
her  feet,  though  she  didn't  make  much  noise  about  it,  for  she 
always  cries  to  herself.  The  older  gals,  they  cried  considera- 
ble louder  ;  and  some  of  the  younger  children,  that  didn't 
hardly  understand  what  the  trouble  was  about,  sot  in  and 
screamed  as  loud  as  they  could  bawl. 

At  last  says  I,  "  There's  no  use  in  this  noise  and  fuss  ;  the 
boy's  got  to  go,  and  he's  got  to  be  off  at  eight  o'clock  tu,  and 
the  sooner  we  set  ourselves  to  work  to  get  him  ready  the  bet- 
ter." That  seemed  to  wake  'em  up  a  little.  My  wife  went  to 
work  and  picked  up  his  clothes,  and  she  and  the  gals  sot  down 
and  mended  his  shirts  and  stockins,  and  fried  up  a  parcel  of 
doughnuts  for  him  to  put  in  his  knapsack,  and  got  him  all 
fixed  up  and  breakfast  ready  about  six  o'clock.  We  hadn't 
waked  up  old  father  in  the  night,  bein'  he's  so  old  ;  but  in  the 
morning  we  let  him  know  about  it,  and  he  wanted  my  son 
Joel  to  come  in  and  see  him  before  he  went ;  so  we  went  into 
the  old  gentleman's  room. 

"  Now,  Joel,  my  boy,"  said  the  old  gentleman,  "  I  feel  proud 
to  hear  sich  a  good  report  of  you.  You'd  a  made  a  good  sol- 
dier in  the  days  of  the  Revolution.  'Twas  such  boys  as  you 
that  drove  the  British  from  Lexington,  and  mowed  'em  down 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  145 

on  Bunker  Hill,  and  went  through  the  fatigue  of  Burgoine. 
You'll  feel  a  little  queer  at  first,  when  you  see  the  enemy  com- 
ing up  to  you  with  their  guns  pinted  right  at  you  ;  and,  brave 
as  you  are,  you'll  feel  a  little  streaked.  But  you  mus'n't  mind 
it ;  as  soon  as  they've  fired  once,  you  wont  feel  an}'  more  of  it, 
and  wont  keer  any  more  about  'em  than  you  would  about  a 
flock  of  sheep.  But  don't  be  in  a  hurry  to  fire — mind  that — 
don't  be  in  a  hurry  to  fire  ;  they  told  us  at  Bunker  Hill  not  to 
fire  till  the  enemy  got  up  so  near  we  could  see  the  whites  of 
their  eyes.  And  'twas  a  good  rule  ;  for  by  that  means  we  let 
^em  get  up  so  near,  that  when  we  did  fire,  we  mowed  'em  down 
like  a  field  of  clover,  I  can  tell  you.  Be  a  good  boy,  Joel,  and 
don't  quit  our  disputed  territory  as  long  as  there  is  any  dispute 
about  it." 

By  this  time  we  see  'em  begin  to  gather  in  the  road  up  by 
the  tavern,  and  I  told  Joel  it  was  time  to  be  off ;  so  he  took 
his  gun,  and  his  knapsack,  which  was  pretty  well  stuffed,  for 
each  of  the  children  had  put  in  a  doughnut  or  an  apple,  or  a 
piece  of  cake,  after  their  mother  had  crammed  in  as  much  as 
she  thought  he  could  carry,  and  then  he  marched  away  like  a 
soldier  up  to  the  tavern.  When  they  started  they  had  to 
come  down  again  by  our  house  and  go  up  over  a  rise  of  land 
t'other  way  about  half  a  mile,  before  they  got  out  of  sight.  So 
we  all  stood  out  in  a  row  along  by  the  side  of  the  road  to  see 
'em  as  they  went  by.  Father  got  out  as  fur  as  the  door-step 
and  stood  leaning  on  his  staff,  and  mother  stood  behind  him 
with  her  specs  on,  looking  over  his  shoulder  ;  and  the  rest  of 
us,  with  the  children,  and  cousin  Debby,  and  all,  went  clear  out 
to  the  side  of  the  road.  Pretty  soon  they  come  along  by,  my 
son  Joel  at  the  head,  and  the  rest  marching  two  and  two. 


146 


MY   TIII.ITY    YE.-UIS 


When  they  got  along  against  us,  little  Sally  run  up  and  tucked 
another  great  apple  into  Joel's  pocket,  and  my  wife  called  out 
to  him,  "  Now  do  pray  be  careful,  Joel,  and  not  get  shot." 


THE    DOWNINGVILLE  COMPANY  STAKTING  FOR  THE  WAR. 


Then  grandfather  raised  his  trembling  voice,  and  says  he  : 
"  Now  Joel,  my  boy,  remember  and  don't  be  in  a  hurry  to 
fire." 


OUT   OF   THE    SENATE.  147 

And  the  children  called  out  all  together,  "  good-b}^  Joel, 
good-by,  Joel,"  each  repeating  it  over  three  or  four  times. 
Joel  looked  round  and  nodded  once,  when  his  mother  called 
out  to  him,  but  the  rest  of  the  time  he  held  his  head  up 
straight  and  marched  like  a  soldier.  We  stood  and  watched 
'em  till  they  got  clear  to  the  top  of  the  hill  and  was  jest  a 
going  out  of  sight,  when  all  to  once  Joel  stepped  out  one  side, 
where  we  could  see  him,  and  let  his  old  gun  blaze  away  into 
the  air,  and  in  a  minute  more  they  were  out  of  sight. 

"  Ah,"  said  old  father,  "  that  sounds  like  Bunker  Hill  ;  that 
boy  '11  do  the  business  for  them  New  Brumzickers,  if  they  don't 
let  our  disputed  territory  alone." 

"The  company  had  not  been  gone  more  than  half  an  hour 
when  my  neffu.  Captain  Jack  Downing,  arrived  with  his  com- 
mission in  his  pocket.  Jack  hadn't  been  in  Downingville  be- 
fore for  two  years,  and  if  there  wasn't  a  time  of  it  amoug  our 
folks  I'll  never  guess  agin.  Nabby,  she  hopped  right  up  and 
down,  like  a  mouse  treed  in  a  flour  barrel.  Ephraim  snapped 
his  thumb  and  finger,  and  spit  on  his  hands,  as  though  he  had 
a  cord  of  wood  to  chop.  Aunt  Keziah,  (that's  my  wife)  she 
put  her  apron  up  to  her  eyes  and  cried  as  much  as  half  an 
hour,  as  hard  as  she  could  cry.  I  found  I  was  rather  choky, 
but  I  took  down  my  pipe  and  rolled  out  a  few  whifs,  and  so 
made  out  to  smoke  it  off.  As  soon  as  Jack  had  a  chance  to 
shake  hands  all  round  and  get  a  little  breakfast,  he  started  off 
like  a  streak  of  chalk  to  overtake  the  company  and  take 
command. 

So  I  remain  your  true  friend  and  fellow-laborer  in  the 
Republikan  cause. 

JOSHUA  DOWNING. 


148  MY    THIRTY    YEAKS 


LETTER  XXV. 

CAPTAIX  DOWNING's  FIRST  MILITARY  REPORT  TO  THE  PRESIDENT. 

Mad  AW  ASK  A,  November  15,  1831. 
To   His   Excellency,    Gineral    Jackson,    Fresidmt   of    the    United 
States,  6fc. 

Dear  Gineral  : — The  prisoners  are  out  and  no  blood  spilt 
3  et.  I  had  prepared  to  give  the  British  a  most  terrible  battle 
if  they  hadn't  let  'em  out.  I  guess  I  should  made  'em  think 
old  Bonapart  had  got  back  among  'em  again,  for  a  keener  set 
of  fellows  than  my  company  is  made  up  of  never  shouldered  a 
musket  or  trod  shoe  leather.  I  was  pesky  sorry  they  let  'em 
out  quite  so  soon,  for  I  really  longed  to  have  a  brush  with  'em  ; 
and  how  they  come  to  let  'em  go  I  don't  know,  unless  it  was 
because  they  heard  I  was  coming.  And  I  expect  that  was  the 
case,  for  the  prisoners  told  me  the  British  Minister  at  Wash" 
ington  sent  on  some  kind  of  word  to  Governor  Campbell,  and 
I  suppose  he  told  him  how  I  had  got  a  commission,  and  was 
coming  down  upon  New  Brunswick  like  a  harrycane. 

If  I  could  only  got  down  there  a  little  sooner  and  fit  such  a 
great  battle  as  you  did  at  New  Orleans,  my  fortune  would 
have  been  made  for  this  world.  I  should  have  stood  a  good 
chance  then  to  be  President  of  the  United  States  one  of  these 
days.  And  that's  as  high  as  ever  I  should  want  to  get.  I 
got  home  to  Downingville  in  little  more  than  a  week  after  I 
left  you  at  Washington— for  having  a  pretty  good  pocketful! 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  149 

of  money,  and  knowing  that  ray  business  was  very  important, 
I  rid  in  the  stage  most  all  the  way.  I  spose  I  needn't  stop  to 
tell  you  how  tickled  all  my  folks  were  to  see  me.  I  didn't 
know  for  awhile  but  they'd  eat  me  up.  But  I  s'pose  that's 
neither  here  nor  there  in  making  military  reports,  so  I'll  go 
on,  I  found  no  difficulty  in  getting  volunteers.  I  believe  I 
could  have  got  nearly  half  the  State  of  Maine  to  march  if  I 
had  wanted  'em.  But  as  I  only  had  orders  to  list  one  good 
stout  company,  I  took  'em  all  in  Downingville,  for  I  rather 
trust  myself  with  one  hundred  genuine  Downingville  boys 
than  five  hundred  of  your  common  run  I  took  one  supernu- 
merary, however,  when  I  got  to  Bangor.  The  editor  of  the 
Bangor  Republican  was  so  zealous  to  go,  and  said  he'd  fight 
so  to  the  last  drop  of  his  blood,  that  I  couldn't  help  taking 
him,  so  I  appointed  him  supernumerary  corporal.  Poor  fellow, 
he  was  so  disappointed  when  he  found  the  prisoners  were  out 
that  he  fairly  cried  for  vexation.  He's  for  having  me  go  right 
on  now  and  give  all  New  Brunswick  a  real  thrashing. 

But  I  know  what  belongs  to  gineralship  better  than  that ; 
I  haven't  had  my  orders  yet.  Well,  after  we  left  Bangor,  we 
had  a  dreadful  rough  and  tumble  sort  of  a  journey,  over  rocks, 
and  mountains,  and  rivers,  and  swamps,  and  bogs,  and  mea- 
dows, and  through  long  pieces  of  woods,  that  I  didn't  know  as 
we  should  find  the  way  out  of.  But  we  got  through  at  last, 
and  arrived  here  at  Madawaska  day  before  yesterday.  I 
thought  I  better  come  this  way  and  make  a  little  stop  at 
Madawaska  to  see  if  the  prisoners'  wives  and  little  ones  were 
in  want  of  anything,  and  then  go  down  to  Fredericton  and 
blow  the  British  sky-high. 

When  our  company  first  came  out  in  sight  in  Madawaska, 


150 


MY    THIRTY    YEARS 


they  thought  it  was  the  British  coming  to  catch  some  more  of 
'em  ;  and  such  a  scattering  and  scampering  I  guess  you  never 
see.  The  men  flew  into  the  woods  like  a  flock  of  sheep  with 
forty  dogs  after  'em,  and  the  women  catched  their  babies  up 
in  their  arms  and  run  from  one  house  to  another,  screeching 
and  screaming  enough  to  make  the  woods  ring  again.  But 
when  they  found  out  we  were  United  States  troops  come  to 
help  'em,  you  never  see  anybody  so  glad.  They  all  cried  for 
joy  then.  The  women  run  into  the  woods  and  called  for 
their  husbands  to  come  back  again,  for  there  was  nobody 
there  that  would  hurt  them,  and  back  they  came  and  treated 
us  with  the  best  they  had  in  their  houses.  And  while  we  sot 
chatting,  before  the  women  hardly  got  their  tears  wiped  up, 
one  of  'em  looked  up  toward  the  woods  and  screamed  out 
there  comes  the  'prisoners.  Some  turned  pale  a  little,  thinking  it 
might  be  their  ghosts,  but  in  a  minute  in  they  come,  as  good 
flesh  and  blood  as  any  of  us,  and  then  the  women  had  another 
good  crying  spell. 

I  asked  one  of  the  prisoners  how  they  got  away,  for  I 
thought  you  would  want  to  know  all  about  it ;  and  says  he, 
*'  we  come  away  on  our  legs."  "  Did  you  break  out  of  jail," 
said  I  ?  "I  guess  there  was  no  need  of  that,"  said  he,  "  for 
we  wa'nt  locked  in  half  the  time."  "  Did  you  knock  down  the 
guard,"  said  I,  "  and  fight  your  way  out  ?"  "  Humph  !"  said 
he,  "  I  guess  we  might  have  hunted  one  while  before  we 
could  find  a  guard  to  knock  down.  Nobody  seemed  to  take 
any  care  of  us  ;  if  we  wanted  a  drop  of  grog  we  had  to  go  out 
and  buy  it  ourselves."  "  Well,  but"  said  I,  "  if  you  were  left 
in  such  a  loose  state  as  that,  why  did  you  not  run  away  be- 
fore ?"     "Tut,"  said  he,  slirugging  up  his  slioulders,  "  T  guess 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  151 

we  knew  what  we  were  about ;  the  longer  we  staid  there  the 
more  land  the  State  of  Maine  would  give  us  to  pay  us  for 
being  put  in  jail  ;  but  when  they  turned  us  out  of  jail,  and 
wouldn't  keep  us  any  longer,  we  thought  we  might  as  well 
come  home." 

And  now,  dear  Gineral,  since  matters  are  as  they  are,  I 
shall  take  up  my  headquarters  here  at  Madawaska  for  the 
present,  and  wait  for  further  orders.  I  shall  take  good  care 
of  the  people  here,  and  keep  everything  in  good  order  and  not 
allow  a  single  New  Brunswicker  to  come  anywhere  within 
gun-shot.  As  for  that  Leftenant-Governor,  Mr.  Archibald 
Campbell,  he  better  keep  himself  scarce  ;  if  he  shows  his 
head  here  again,  I  shall  jest  put  him  into  a  meal  bag  and  send 
him  to  Washington.  I  shall  expect  to  hear  from  you  soon  ; 
and  as  I  shall  have  to  be  here  sometime,  I  don't  know  but  you 
had  better  send  me  on  a  little  more  money.  My  uniform  got 
rather  shattered  coming  through  the  woods,  and  it  will  cost 
me  something  to  get  it  fixt  up  again. 

This,  from  your  old  friend  and  humble  servant, 

CAPTAIN  JACK  DOWNING. 


152  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 


LETTER  XXVI  * 

MR.  DOWNING  TELLS  HOW  THE  JACKSONITES  IN  THE  LEGISLATURE  HAD  A 
DREADFUL  TUSSLE  TO  POUR  A  "  HEALING  ACT  "  DOWN  THE  THROATS 
OF  THE  HUNTONITES. 

Portland,  Feb.  4,  1831. 
Dear  Uncle  Joshua  : — There's  terrible  times  here  again,  and 
I'm  half  afraid  it's  going  to  be  worse  than  it  was  last  winter. 
The  Legislator's  been  all  in  the  wind  this  two  or  three  days, 
pulling  and  hauling  and  fighting  like  smoke.  The  wheels  of 
Government  are  all  stopt ;  I  can't  say  as  they  are  trigged,  as 
they  used  to  be  lYst  winter,  but  they  are  fairly  stopped,  be" 
cause  nobody  don't  pull  'em  along  ;  for  when  the  members  are 


*  Editorial  Note. — The  bitterness  of  feeling  occasioned  by  the  struggle 
for  the  ascendency  between  the  two  parties  in  1830,  still  rankled  in  the 
breasts  of  the  members  of  the  Legislature  in  1831.  The  Huntonites  had  ac- 
quired the  ascendency  the  preceding  session,  but  now  the  Jacksonites  were 
in  power,  and  they  contended  that  the  acts  of  the  Huntonites  in  1830  were 
unconstitutional  and  void.  They  therefore  set  about  preparing  a  "  healing 
act"  to  declare  all  the  doings  of  the  preceding  Legislature  valid  in  the 
lump.  When  this  bill  was  brought  forward,  it  produced  a  storm  in  the 
Legislature,  almost  unparalleled.  The  Huntonites  considered  it  altogehter 
a  useless,  provoking  piece  of  political  trickery.  They  contended  that  if 
the  acts  of  the  former  Legislature  were  in  fact  unconstitutional,  no  law 
passed  by  this  Legislature  could  make  them  constitutional,  and  considering 
it  a  wanton  attempt  to  heap  insult  and  odium  upon  them,  they  fought 
against  it  almost  while  life  and  breath  remained.  A  fierce  debate  on  the 
passage  of  this  bill  was  carried  on  for  several  days.  But  the  Jacksonites 
had  the  power  in  their  own  hands,  and  the  bill  was  finally  passed.  The 
Bcene  is  somewhat  minutely  described  in  the  accompanying  letter. 


OUT   OF   THE    SENATE.  153 

all  pulling  each  other's  caps,  how  can  they  pull  the  wheels  of 
Government  ?  My  heart's  been  up  in  my  mouth  a  dozen  times 
for  fear  the  State  would  go  to  ruin  before  I  could  get  out  of 
it  ;  and  IVe  scratched  round  and  picked  up  what  few  bean- 
poles and  ax-handles  I  had  left,  and  got  all  ready  to  set  sail 
to  Boston,  for  I'm  determined  to  be  off  before  the  State  goes  to 
rack.  And  I  advise  you  and  all  our  friends  at  Downiugville 
to  pack  up  as  soon  as  you  get  this  letter,  and  be  all  ready  as 
soon  as  you  hear  a  cracking  down  this  way  to  fly  for  your 
lives  away  back  into  New-Hampshire  or  Vermont.  The 
trouble,  as  near  as  I  could  understand  it,  begun  in  this  way  : 
The  Jacksonites  said  the  Huntonites  worked  so  hard  last  win- 
ter in  trying  to  trig  the  wheels  of  Government,  and  tear  the 
Constitution  to  pieces,  that  they  made  themselves  all  sick, 
dreadful  sick,  and  hadn't  got  well  yet  ;  and  it  was  time  to  do 
something  to  try  to  cure  'em  ;  for  their  sickness  was  so  catch- 
ing that  all  the  State  would  be  taken  down  with  it  in  a  little 
while,  if  they  want  cured. 

But  the  Huntonite  said  they  want  sick  abit  ;  they  never 
was  better  in  their  lives  ;  and  moreover,  it  was  false  that  they 
had  tried  to  trig  the  wheels  of  Government  last  winter  ;  or  tear 
a  single  leaf  out  of  the  Constitution  ;  if  anything  of  that  kind 
was  done,  they  said  the  Jacksonites  did  it,  and  as  for  taking 
doctor's  stuff  they'd  no  notion  of  it.  But  the  Jacksonites  said 
'twas  no  use,  the  Huntonites  were  all  sick,  and  they  must  take 
some  doctor  stuff,  and  if  they  wouldn't  take  it  willingly  they 
must  be  made  to  take  ii  So  they  went  to  work  and  fixed  a  dose 
that  they  called  a  healing  ad,  that  they  said  would  cure  all  the 
Huntonites  and  anybody  else  that  had  catched  the  sickness  of 
'em.     The  Huntonites  declared  'twas  no  use  for  'e«n  to  fix  it, 


154  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

for  they  never  would  take  it  as  long  as  they  lived,  that's  what 
they  wouldn't ;  they  were  as  well  as  anbody,  and  they'd  fight 
it  out  till  next  June  before  they'd  take  it.  Howsomever,  the 
Jacksonites  got  their  dose  ready,  and  yesterday  they  carried 
it  into  the  House  of  Representatives  and  told  the  Huntonites 
they  must  take  it,  and  'twould  do  'em  good.  As  soon  as  the 
Huntonites  smelt  of  it,  they  turned  up  their  noses,  and  said  no, 
before  they'd  take  that  are  plaguy  dirty  stufif  they'd  fight  'em 
all  over  the  State,  inch  by  inch.  But  the  Jacksonites  said 
'twas  no  use — they  might  sniff  as  much  as  they  pleased — it 
was  the  only  thing  that  would  cure -'em,  and  they  must  take 
it,  and  more  than  all  that,  they  was  the  strongest  and  they 
should  take  it.  The  Huntonites  see  how  'twas  gone  goose 
with  'em,  and  they  thought  the  only  chance  left  was  to  put 
their  hands  over  their  mouth  and  fight  and  kick  and  scrabble 
with  all  their  might,  and  keep  it  out  of  their  throats  as  long 
as  they  could.  Still  they  tried  to  talk  and  reason  with  the 
Jacksonites  about  it.  They  asked  'em  to  let  'em  have  time  to 
examine  the  medicine  carefully  and  see  what  it  was  made  of, 
or  that  they  would  tell  'em  what  it  was  made  of,  or  why  they 
thought  it  would  do  any  good  to  take  it.  But  the  Jacksonites 
said  they  shouldn't  tell  'em  anything  about  it,  it  would  be 
"casting  pearls  before  swine,"  and  the  good  book  said  they 
musn't  do  so. 

The  men  who  had  fixed  the  dose  knew  what  they  were  about, 
they  had  fixed  it  right,  and  the  Huntonites  must  open  their 
mouths  and  take  it,  and  not  parley  any  more  about  it.  Well, 
the  Jacksonites  took  the  dose  in  one  hand,  and  grab'd  the 
Huntonites  with  the  other,  and  tipped  their  heads  back,  and 
were  jest  agoing  to  pour  it  down  their  throats,  when  the  Hun- 


OCT    OF   THE    SENATE.  155 

tonites  fetched  a  spring  and  kicked  it  away  to  the  fourth  day 
of  April.  But  the  Jacsonites  run  after  it  and  got  it  back 
again  in  about  half  an  hour,  and  clinched  'em  again,  and  got 
all  ready  to  pour  it  down  ;  but  jest  as  they  got  it  almost  to 
their  lips,  the  Huntonites  fetched  another  spring,  and  kicked 
it  away  to  the  fourth  of  March.  Away  went  the  Jacksonites 
after  it  again,  and  brought  it  back,  and  clinched  the  Hunton- 
ites in  the  same  manner  as  before,  and  they  kicked  it  away 
again,  but  they  didn't  kick  this  time  quite  to  the  end  of  Feb- 
ruary. Well,  after  the  Jacksonites,  had  tried  nearly  twenty 
times  to  pour  down  the  bitter  dose,  and  the  Huntonites  had 
kicked  it  away  as  many  times,  both  parties  seemed  to  be 
nearly  tired  out,  and  so  they  finally  agreed  to  adjourn  till  nine 
o'clock  next  morning.  I  thought  the  Huntonites,  if  they  one© 
got  out,  would  cut  and  run  home  and  get  clear  of  the  plaguy 
stuff.  But  instead  of  that  they  all  come  in  again  next  morn- 
ing. When  I  got  there  the  Jacksonites  were  holding  the  Hun- 
tonites by  the  hair  of  the  head  with  one  hand  and  trying  to 
cram  the  healing  plaster  down  their  throats  with  t'other,  and 
the  Huntonites  were  kicking  and  scrabbling,  and  gritting 
their  teeth  together  with  all  their  might,  and  doubling  up  their 
fists  and  stamping,  and  declaring  up  hill  and  down  that  they 
would  never  take  it.  And  they  were  so  upstropulous  about  it 
for  awhile,  I^didn't  know  as  they  ever  would  swallow  it.  But 
the  Jacksonites  were  the  stoutest,  and  held  on  to  'em  like  a 
dog  to  a  root,  and  kept  'em  there  all  day  and  all  the  evening 
till  about  midnight,  and  then  the  poor  Huntonites  seemed  to 
be  a  most  dragged  out.  I  fairly  pitied  'em.  Along  in  the 
first  of  it  they  threatened  pretty  stoutly,  and  declared  by  every- 
thing that's  black  and  blue,  if  they  had  to  take  this  dirty  dose. 


156 


MY    THIRTY    YEARS 


and  should  happen  to  be  strongest  next  year,  they'd  make  the 
Jacksonites  take  a  dose  worth  two  of  this.  But  all  the 
threatening  didn't  do  any  good  ;  and  then  they  fell  to  begging 
and  coaxing,  and  that  didn't  do  any  good  nuther.  The  Jack- 
sonites said  they  should  not  only  take  it,  but  they  should  take 
it  that  night  before  they  slept.    At  last  they  got  their  hands 


MiT^'^^M 


^  ^^^^^r^-7-^*-^^ 


FORCING  THE     '  HEALING-ACT"  DOWN  THE  THROATS  OF  THE  HUNT0NITE3. 


and  feet  tied,  and  kept  bringing  it  up  a  little  nearer  and  little 
nearer  to  their  mouths,  and  the  'Huntonites  got  so  they 
couldn't  do  nothing  but  spit.  But  the  Jacksonites  didn't  mind 
the   spitting,  for  you  know  it  isn't  for  the  doctor  to  stand 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  151 

about  being  spit  upon  a  little,  when  he's  giving  medicine. 
Just  before  the  last  on't,  the  poor  Huntonites  rolled  their  eyes 
dreadfully,  and  I  believe  some  on  'em  lost  their  senses  a  little  ; 
one  of  'em  took  a  notion  that  they  were  agoing  to  make  him 
swallow  a  whole  live  goose,  feathers  and  all  ;  and  he  begged 
of  'em,  if  they  wouldn't  take  out  the  gizzard  and  t'other  inside 
things,  that  they'd  jest  pull  out  the  pin  feathers,  so  that  it 
wouldn't  scratch  his  throat  going  down.  But  they  didn't  pay 
no  attention  to  him,  and  just  before  the  clock  struck  twelve 
they  grabbed  'em  by  the  throat,  and  pried  their  mouths  open, 
and  poured  it  in.  The  Huntonites  guggled  a  little,  but  they 
had  to  swallow  it. 

Some  thought  this  healing  dose  would  make  the  Huntonites 
worse,  and  some  thought  it  would  make  'em  better.  I've 
watched  'em  ever  since  they  took  it,  whenever  I  dared  to  go 
near  the  Legislater,  and  I  can't  see  much  alteration  in  'em. 
But  that,  or  something  else,  has  kicked  up  a  monstrous  dust 
among  other  folks  all  over  the  world  amost.  I've  been  look- 
ing over  the  newspapers  a  little,  and  I  never  see  the  world 
in  such  a  terrible  hubbub  before  in  all  my  life.  Everybody 
seems  to  be  running  mad,  and  jest  ready  to  eat  each  other 
up.  There's  Russia  snapping  her  teeth  like  a  great  bear,  and 
is  jest  agoing  to  eat  up  the  Poles — I  don't  mean  Ephraim's 
bean  poles — but  all  the  folks  that  live  in  Poland  ;  not  that 
are  Poland  up  there  where  Mr.  Dunn  lives,  but  that  great 
Poland  over  alongside  of  Russia.  And  there's  the  Dutch 
trying  to  eat  up  Holland,  and  the  Belgians  are  trying  to  eat 
up  the  Dutch,  and  there's  "  five  great  powers"  trying  to  pour 
a  healing  dose  down  the  throat  of  the  King  of  the  Nether- 
lands ;  and  there's  Mr.  O'Connell  trying  to  make  the  King  of 


58  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

England  and  Parliament  take  a  healing  dose,  and  there's  Ire- 
land jest  ready  to  eat  up  Mr.  O'Connell,  and  all  the  kings  of 
Europe  are  trying  to  eat  up  the  people,  and  the  people  are  all 
trying  to  eat  up  the  kings. 

And  our  great  folks  in  this  country,  too,  away  off  there  to 
Washington,  have  got  into  such  a  snarl,  I  guess  it  would 
puzzle  a  Philadelphy  lawyer  to  get  'em  out  of  it.  There's  the 
President,  and  Mr.  Calhoun,  and  Mr.  Yan  Buren,  and  the  two 
great  Republikan  papers,  and  half  a  dozen  more  of  'em,  all 
together  by  the  ears  ;  but  which  of  'em  will  eat  up  the  rest  I 
don't  know.  Pve  heard  a  good  many  guess  that  Mr.  Van 
Buren  would  eat  up  the  whole  toat  of  'em  ;  for  they  say,  al- 
though he's  a  small  man,  there  isn't  another  man  in  the  coun- 
try that  can  eat  his  way  through  a  political  pudding  as  slick 
as  he  can.  These  are  dreadful  times,  uncle  ;  I  don't  know 
what'll  become  of  the  world  if  I  don't  get  an  office  pretty 
soon.  But  a  faint  heart  never  won  fair  lady,  and  I  shall  stick 
to  it  like  a  dog  to  a  root. 

Your  loving  neffu, 

JACK  DOWNING 


OUT   OF   THE    SENATE.  159 


LETTER  XXYII  * 

CAPTAIN  DOWNING  IS  IN  A  PECK  OF  TROUBLE  ABOUT  THE  LEGISLATURE'S 
SELLING  MADAWASKA  TO  THE  GENERAL  GOVERNMENT,  TO  BE  GIVEN 
UP  TO  THE  BRITISH,  AND  SITS  DOWN  AND  FIGURES  UP  THE  PRICE. 

Madawaska,  State  of  Maine,  or  else  Great 
Britain,  I  don't  know  which, 

March  12,  1832. 
To  ike  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier — this  with  care  and  speed  : 
My  Dear  Old  Friend  :— I  cleared  out  from  Augusta  in  such 
a  kind  of  a  whirlwind  that  I  hadn't  time  to  write  you  a 
single  word  before  I  left.  And  I  feel  so  kind  of  crazy  now,  I 
don't  know  hardly  which  end  I  stand  upon.  I've  had  a  good 
many  head-flaws  and  worriments  in  my  lifetime,  and  been  in 
a  great  many  hobbles,  but  I  never,  in  all  my  born  days,  met 
with  anything  that  puzzled  me  quite  so  bad  as  this  ere  selling 


*  Editorial  Note.— Captain  Downing  went  to  Madawaska  with  his  com- 
pany in  November,  1831,  and  remained  there  till  the  Spring  of  1832,  when 
he  returned  to  Washington.  He  had  visited  the  Legislature,  at  Augusta, 
twice  during  the  winter,  and  came  about  as  near  being  lost  among  the  cold, 
snowy  mountains  around  Moosehead  Lake  as  Colonel  Fremont  did  in  crossing 
the  Rocky  Mountains.  He  published,  in  the  Portland  Courier,  some  account 
of  these  perilous  journeys  back  and  forth  between  Augusta  and  Madawaska, 
and  also  various  proceedings  of  the  Legislature  during  the  winter.  While 
taking  an  active  part  in  the  proceedings  of  the  lobby,  he  learned  that  the 
General  Government  had  agreed  with  England  to  refer  this  question  of  dis- 
puted territory  to  the  King  of  the  Netherlands,  and  to  abide  by  his  decision. 
Instead  of  deciding  that  the  disputed  territory  belonged  to  either  party, 
the  King  of  the  Netherlands  concluded  to  split  the  difference,  and  run  a  new 


160  MY   THIRTY   YEARS 

mit  down  here.  I  fit  in  the  Legi-slater  as  long-  as  fighting 
would  do  any  good — that  is,  I  mean  in  the  caucus,  for  they 
wouldn't  let  me  go  right  into  the  Legislater  in  the  day  time 
and  talk  to  'em  there,  because  I  was  only  a  lobby  member. 
But  jest  let  them  know  it,  lobby  members  can  do  as  much  as 
any  of  'em  on  sich  kind  of  business  as  this.  I  laid  it  down 
to  'em  in  the  caucus  as  well  as  I  could.  I  asked  'em  if  they 
didn't  think  I  should  look  like  a  pretty  fool,  after  marching 
my  company  down  there,  and  standing  ready  all  winter  to 
flog  the  whole  British  nation  the  moment  any  of  'em  stept  a 
foot  on  to  our  land,  if  I  should  now  have  to  march  back  again 
and  give  up  the  land,  and  all  without  flogging  a  single  son-of- 
a-gun  of  'em.  But  they  said  it  was  no  use — it  couldn't  be 
helped  ;  Mr.  Netherlands  had  given  the  land  away  to  the 
British,  and  the  President  had  agreed  to  do  jest  as  Mr.  Neth- 
erlands said  about  it,  and  all  we  could  do  now  was  to  get  as 
much  pay  for  it  as  we  could. 

So  I  sot  down  and  figured  it  up  a  little,  to  see  how  much  it 
would  come  to,  for  I  used  to  cypher  to  the  rule  of  three  when 
I  went  to  school,  and  I  found  it  would  come  to  a  pretty  round 
sum.     There  was,  in  the  first  place,  about  two  millions  of 

"boundary  line.  This  would  transfer  to  the  British  Provinces  some  two  mil- 
lions of  acres  of  land,  that  was  resolutely  claimed  by  the  State  of  Maine. 
The  matter  was  warmly  discussed  in  the  Legislature,  and  a  strong  party  was 
violently  opposed  to  giving  up  the  territory— they  would  rather  fight  for  it ; 
they  contended  that  the  General  Government  had  no  authority  to  cede  away 
the  territory  of  a  sovereign  State.  It  was  understood,  however,  that  the 
General  Government  would  pay  a  fair  indemnity  for  the  land  to  Maine  and 
Massachusetts  (for  it  was  undivided  land,  belonging  to  the  two  States),  and 
this  consideration  finally  reconciled  a  majority  of  the  Legislature  to  the  ar- 
rangement. What  Captain  Jack  Downing  and  his  brave  Downingville  boys 
thought  of  the  matter  will  be  learned  from  the  accompanying  letter,  from  the 
Captain  to  the  Portland  Courier. 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  161 

acres  of  land.  This,  considerin'  the  timber  there  was  on  it, 
would  certainly  be  worth  a  dollar  an  acre,  and  that  would  be 
two  millions  of  dollars.  Then  there  was  two  or  three  thou- 
sand inhabitants,  say  twenty-five  hundred  ;  we  must  be  paid 
for  them,  too  ;  and  how  much  are  they  worth  ?  I've  read  in 
the  newspapers  that  black  slaves,  at  the  South,  sell  for  three 
or  four  hundred  dollars  apiece.  I  should  think,  then,  that 
white  ones  ought  to  fetch  eight  hundred.  This,  according  to 
the  rule  of  three,  would  be  two  hundred  thousand  dollars. 
Then  there's  the  pretty  little  town  of  Madawaska,  that  our 
Legislater  made  last  winter,  already  cut  and  dried,  with  town 
officers  all  chosen,  and  everything  ready  for  the  British  to  use 
without  any  more  trouble.  We  ought  to  have  pay  for  this, 
too,  and  I  should  think  it  was  worth  ten  thousand  dollars. 

And  then  the  town  of  Madawaska  has  chosen  Mr.  Lizote  to 
be  a  representative  in  the  Legislater,  and  as  the  British  can 
take  him  right  into  the  Parliament,  without  choosing  him  over 
again,  they  ought  to  pay  us  for  that,  too.  Now,  I  have  read 
in  the  newspapers  that  it  sometimes  costs,  in  England,  two 
hundred  thousand  dollars  to  choose  a  representative  to  Par- 
liament, reckoning  all  the  grog  they  drink  and  all  the  money 
they  pay  for  votes.  But  I  wouldn't  be  screwing  about  it,  so 
I  put  Mr.  Lizote  down  at  one  hundred  thousand  dollars. 
And  then  I  footed  up,  and  found  it  to  be  : 

For  land,  including  timber $2,000,000 

For  inhabitants,  including  women  and  children 200,000 

For  the  town  of  Madawaska,  oflBcers  and  all 10,000 

For  Mr.  Lizote,  all  ready  to  go  to  Parliament 100,000         * 

Total $2,310,000 

This  was  a  pretty  round  sum,  and  I  begun  to  think,  come 
7* 


162  MY   THIRTY   YEARS 

to  divide  it  out,  it  would  be  a  slice  apiece  worth  having, 
especially  if  we  didn't  give  the  Feds  any  of  it ;  and  I  sup« 
posed  we  shouldn't,  as  there  wasn't  any  of  'em  there  in  the 
caucus  to  help  see  about  it. 

In  this  view  of  the  subject,  I  almost  made  up  my  mind  that 
we  ought  to  be  patriotic  enough  to  give  it  up,  and  help  the 
General  Government  out  of  the  hobble  they  had  got  into. 
And  I  was  jest  agoing  to  get  up  and  make  a  speech,  and  tell 
'em  so,  when  Mr.  McCrate,  of  Nobleborough,  and  Captain 
Smith,  of  Westbrook,  two  of  the  best  fellers  in  our  party, 
came  along  and  see  what  I  was  figuring  about,  and  says 
they,  "  Captain  Downing,  art  you  going  to  sell  your  country  ?" 
In  a  minute  I  felt  something  rise  right  up  in  my  throat,  that 
felt  as  big  as  an  ox-yoke.  As  soon  as  I  got  so  I  could  speak, 
says  I,  "  iVb,  Tierer,  while  my  name  is  Jack  Downing,  or  my 
old  rifle  can  carry  a  bullet."  They  declared,  too,  that  they 
wouldn't  sell  out  to  the  General  Government,  nor  the  British, 
nor  nobody  else.  And  we  stuck  it  out  most  of  the  evening, 
till  we  found  out  how  it  was  going,  and  then  we  cleared  out  ; 
and  as  soon  as  the  matter  was  fairly  settled,  I  started  off  for 
Madawaska,  for  I  was  afraid,  if  my  company  should  hear  of 
it  before  I  got  there,  it  would  make  a  blow  up  among  'era, 
and  I  should  have  to  court-martial  'em. 

When  I  first  told  'em  how  the  jig  was  up  with  us,  that  the 
British  were  going  to  have  the  land  without  fighting  about  it, 
I  never  see  fellows  so  mad  before  in  my  life,  unless  it  was 
Major  Eaton,  at  Washington,  when  he  sot  out  to  flog  Mr.  Ing- 
ham. They  said,  if  they  could  only  have  had  one  good  battle, 
they  wouldn't  care  a  snap  about  it,  but  to  be  played  tom-fool 
with  in  this  way,  they  wouldn't  bear  it.     They  were  so  mad 


OUT   OP   THE    SENATE.  163 

they  hopped  right  up  and  down,  and  declared  they  never 
would  go  back  till  they  had  been  over  to  Fredericton  and 
pulled  the  jail  down,  or  thrashed  some  of  the  New  Brunswick 
boys.  But,  after  awhile,  I  pacified  'em  by  telling  'em  if  we 
didn't  get  a  chance  to  fight  here,  I  rather  thought  we  might 
away  off  to  Georgia,  for  there  was  something  of  a  bobbery 
kicking  up  ;  and  if  the  President  should  want  troops  to  go  on 
there,  I  was  very  sure  my  company  would  be  one  of  the  first 
he  would  send  for. 

So  here  we  are,  lying  upon  our  arms,  not  knowing  what  to 
do.  I  have  written  to  the  President,  and  hope  to  hear  from 
him  soon.  If  the  land  is  to  go,  I  want  to  know  it  in  season 
to  get  off  before  it's  all  over  ;  for  PU  be  hanged  if  ever  Pll 
belong  to  the  British. 

Your  distrest  friend, 

CAPTAIN  JACK  DOWNING. 


164  MY   THIRTY   YEARS 


LETTER  XXYIII. 

CAPTAIN    DOWNING    RELATES    A     CONFIDENTIAL     CONVERSATION     WITH 
PRESIDENT  JACKSON    WHILE    ON    A   JOURNEY    TO    TENNESSEE. 

Washington  City,  October  20,  1832. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  away  Down  East,  in  the 
State  of  Maine :  [O,  dear  !  seems  to  7M  I  never  shall  get  there 
again.~\ 

My  Dear  Old  Friend  : — I  haven't  done  anything  this  three 
months  that  seemed  so  natural  as  to  set  down  and  write  to 
you.  To  write  the  name  of  the  Portland  Courier  raises  my 
sperits  right  up.  It  makes  me  feel  as  if  I  was  again  talking 
with  you,  and  Uncle  Joshua,  and  Cousin  Ephraim,  and  Cousin 
Nabby,  and  Ant  Sally,  and  all  of  'em.  I  and  President  Jack- 
son got  back  here  yesterday  from  Tennessee,  where  we've 
been  gone  most  all  summer.  And  a  long  journey  we've  had 
of  it,  too.  I  thought  that  from  here  to  Portland  was  a  dread- 
ful ways,  but  it's  a  great  deal  further  to  Tennessee.  I  didn't 
think  before  that  our  country  was  half  so  large  as  I  find  it  is. 
It  seems  as  if  there  was  no  end  to  it ;  for  when  we  got  clear 
to  Tennessee  the  President  said  we  wan't  half  way  across  it. 
I  couldn't  hardly  believe  him  ;  but  he  stood  tu  it  we  wan't. 
"  Why,"  says  he,  "  Jack,  I've  got  the  largest  country  in  the 
world,  and  the  hardest  to  govern  tu.  Say  what  you  will  of 
free  Governments,  where  folks  will  act  pretty  much  as  they 
are  a  mind  to,  it's  the  hardest  work  to  administei'  it  that  evor 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE  165 

I  did.  I  had  rather  fight  forty  New  Orleans  battles  than  to 
govern  this  everlasting  great  country  one  year.  There  are  so 
many,  you  see,  who  want  to  have  a  finger  in  the  pie,  it's  the 
most  difficult  business  jou  can  imagine.  You  thought  you 
had  a  tough  time  of  it,  Jack,  to  take  care  of  them  are  small 
matters  down  to  Matlawaska  last  winter,  with  your  brave 
company  of  Downingville  boys.  But  that's  no  more  than  a 
drop  in  the  bucket  to  being  President  one  month.  I  tell  you, 
Jack,  there  isn't  a  monarch  in  Europe  who  has  so  hard  a  time 
of  it  as  I  have.  There  are  so  many  cooks,  the  broth  most 
always  comes  out  rather  bad.  If  I  have  to  write  a  message, 
one  must  put  in  a  sentence,  and  another  a  sentence,  and 
another,  till  it  gets  so  at  last  I  can't  hardly  tell  whether  I've 
written  any  of  it  myself  or  not.  And  sometimes  I  have  a 
good  mind  to  throw  it  all  in  the  fire  and  say  nothing  at  all. 
But  then,  again,  that  won't  do,  for  since  I've  undertaken  to 
be  President,  I  must  go  through  with  It.  And  then  there  was 
such  a  pulling  and  hauling  for  offices  along  in  the  outset,  it 
seemed  as  though  they  would  pull  me  to  pieces.  If  I  gave  an 
office  to  one,  Mr.  Ingham  or  Mr.  Branch  would  be  mad,  and  if 
I  gave  ife  to  another,  Mr.  Van  Buren  wouldn't  like  it,  and  if  I 
gave  it  to  another,  perhaps  Mrs.  Eaton  would  make  a  plaguy 
fuss  about  it.  One  wanted  me  to  do  this  thing,  and  another 
wanted  me  to  do  that  ;  and  it  was  nothing  but  quarrel  the 
whole  time.  At  last  Mr.  Van  Buren  said  he'd  resign  if  I 
would  turn  the  rest  out.  So  I  made  a  scattering  among  'em, 
and  turned  'em  all  out  in  a  heap — all  but  Mr.  Lewis  and  Mr. 
Kendall,  who  staid  to  give  me  their  friendly  advice  and  help 
me  through  my  trying  difficulties. 

"  And  then,  again,  to  be  so  slandered  as  I  have  been  in  the 


166  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

papers,  it  is  enough  to  wear  the  patience  of  Job  out.  And  if 
I  got  a  little  angry  at  the  contrariness  of  the  Senate,  they 
must  needs  call  me  a  *  roaring  lion/  the  rascals.  But  that 
Senate  did  use  me  shamefully.  The  very  best  nominations  I 
made,  they  always  rejected.  To  think  the  stupid  heads  should 
reject  Mr.  Van  Buren — decidedly  the  greatest  man  in  the 
country — it  was  too  provoking.  Yes,  Mr.  Van  Buren  is  the 
first  man  in  this  country  ;  and  jest  between  you  and  me.  Jack, 
he's  the  only  man  in  it  that  is  well  qualified  to  succeed  me  in 
the  government  of  this  great  nation  of  twenty-four  republics. 
And  he  must  come  in,  too,  or  the  country  won't  be  worth  a 
stiver  much  longer.  There's  Clay,  he  would  make  pretty 
work  of  it,  if  he  should  come  in.  Why,  Jack,  he  would 
gamble  one-half  of  the  country  away  in  two  years,  and  spend 
the  other  half  in  digging  canals  and  building  railroads  ;  and 
when  the  funds  in  the  Treasury  failed,  he  would  go  to  the 
United  States  Bank  and  get  more.  ^ 

"  Calhoun  would  break  the  Union  to  pieces  in  three  months 
if  he  was  President.  He's  trying  all  he  can  now  to  tear  off 
something  of  a  slice  from  it  at  the  South.  And  as  for  Wirt, 
he's  a  fiddling  away  with  the  Anti-Masons.  Letting  Anti- 
Masonry  alone,  he's  a  pretty  good  sort  of  a  man  ;  but  he 
hasn't  energy  enough  to  steer  our  crazy  ship  of  state  in  these 
stormy  times.  I  would  sooner  trust  it  in  the  hands  of  Mrs. 
Eaton  than  him.  There's  no  one  fit  for  it  but  Mr.  Van  Buren  ; 
and  if  it  was  not  for  getting  him  in,  I  wouldn't  have  consented 
to  stand  for  another  term. 

But,  my  dear  friend,  by  stopping  to  tell  you  some  of  the 
conversation  I  and  the  President  had  along  the  road,  I  have 
almost  forgot  to  tell  you  anything  about  myself  and  the  thou- 


OUT   OF   THE    SENATE.  161 

sand  things  I  met  with  on  my  journey.  But  I  cannot  write 
any  more  to-day.  I  expect  to  start  from  here  Monday,  on  my 
way  to  Portland.  You  may  hear  from  me  a  few  times  before 
I  get  there,  as  I  shall  stop  along  by  the  way  some,  to  see  how 
matters  go  in  Pennsylvany  and  New  York. 

If  you  have  a  chance,  send  my  love  to  all  my  folks  up  at 
Downing ville,  and  tell  'em  old  Jack  is  alive  and  hearty. 

I  remain  your  loving  friend, 

CAPTAIN  JACK  DOWNING. 


168  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 


LETTER  XXIX  * 

captain  downing  r^s  an  express  from  baltimore  to  washing- 
ton, and  foots  it  through  pennsylvania  avenue  to  the  presi- 
dent's house. 

Washington  City,  Nov.  5,  1832. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  in  the  Mariner^s  Church 
Building,  second  story,  eastern  end.  Fore  street,  Portland,  away 
Down  East,  in  the  State  of  Maine  : 

My  Dear  Old  Friend  : — Here  I  am,  back  again  to  Washing- 
ton, though  I've  been  as  far  as  Baltimore,  on  my  way  Down 
East,  to  see  you  and  the  rest  of  my  uncles,  and  aunta,  and 
cousins.  And  what  do  you  think  I  posted  back  to  Washing- 
ton for  ?  I  can  tell  you.  When  I  got  to  Baltimore  I  met  an 
express  coming  on,  full  chisel,  from  Philadelphia,  to  carry  the 


*  Editorial  Note. — The  second  election  of  General  Jackson  to  the  Presi- 
dency, November  4,  1832,  was  a  marked  era  in  American  politics.  The  great 
questions  in  issue  before  the  country  were  a  re-charter  of  the  United  States 
Bank,  a  high  tariff  for  the  protection  of  manufactures,  distribution  among  the 
States  of  the  proceeds  of  the  sales  of  public  lands,  and  a  general  system  of 
internal  improvements  by  the  Federal  Government.  Mr.  Clay  was  the  leader 
of  the  party  in  favor  of  these  measures,  and  their  candidate  for  the  Presi- 
dency. Mr  John  Sergeant,  of  Pennsylvania,  was  placed  on  the  same  ticket 
for  "Vice-President.  On  the  opposite  side.  General  Jackson  was  the  candidate 
for  a  second  term,  and  Mr.  Yan  Buren  for  Vice-President.  It  will  be  re- 
membered, that  after  the  blow-up  or  resignation  of  General  Jackson's  first 
Cabinet,  Mr.  Van  Buren  had  been  sent,  by  the  President,  as  Minister  to  En- 
gland, but,  on  the  meeting  of  Congress,  his  nomination  was  rejected  by  the 
Senate — much  to  the  chagrin  of  General  Jackson  ;  whereupon  ho  was  taken 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  169 

news  to  Washington  that  Pennsylvany  had  gone  all  hollow 
for  Old  Hickory's  second  election.  The  poor  fellow  that  was 
carrying  it  had  got  so  out  of  breath,  that  he  declared  he 
couldn't  go  no  further  if  the  President  never  heard  of  it. 

Well,  thinks  I,  it  will  be  worth  a  journey  back  to  Washing- 
ton, jest  to  see  the  old  GineraPs  eyes  strike  fire  when  he  hears 
of  it.  So  says  I,  "  I'll  take  it,  and  carry  it  on  for  you,  if 
you  are  a  mind  to."  He  kind  of  hesitated  at  first,  and  was 
afraid  I  might  play  a  trick  upon  him  ;  but  when  he  found  out 
my  name  was  Jack  Downing,  he  jumped  off  his  horse  quick 
enough.  "  I'll  trust  it  with  you,"  says  he,  "  as  quick  as  I 
would  with  the  President  himself."  So  I  jumped  on,  and 
whipped  up.  And  sure  enough,  as  true  as  you  are  alive,  I 
did  get  to  Washington  before  dark,  though  I  had  but  three 
hours  to  go  it  in,  and  it's  nearly  forty  miles.  It  was  the 
smartest  horse  that  ever  I  backed,  except  one  that  belongs  to 
the  President.  But,  poor  fellow,  he's  so  done  tu  I  guess  he'll 
never  run  another  express.  Jest  before  I  got  to  Washington, 
say  about  two  miles  from  the  city,  the  poor  fellow  keeled  up, 

up  by  the  "  unterrified  Democracy  "  to  run  as  Yice-President  on  the  ticket 
with  "  Old  Hickory ;"  and  both  were  triumphantly  eleete-d.  Out  of  two 
hundred  and  eighty-eight  votes,  Mr.  Clay  received  but  forty-nine.  South 
Carolina  refused  to  vote  for  either  party,  and  threw  away  her  voie  on  Gover- 
nor Floyd,  of  Virginia.  Vermont  voted  for  Mr.  Wirt,  the  Anti-Masonic  can- 
didate, and  the  rest  voted  for  "  Old  Hickory."  Mr.  Van  Buren  received  the 
same  vote,  with  the  exception  of  Pennsylvania,  whose  vote  for  Vice-President 
was  cast  for  one  of  her  own  sons,  Mr.  Wilkins,  then  a  Senator  in  Congress. 
In  that  election  there  was  intense  anxiety  throughout  the  country  in  regard 
to  the  vote  of  Pennsylvania,  as  was  recently  the  case  in  the  election  of  Mr- 
Buchanan,  for  it  was  thought  the  main  question  would  turn  on  the  result  in 
that  State.  This  state  of  things  accounts  for  the  running  of  the  express  from 
Baltimore  to  Washington  by  Major  Downing,  and  other  curious  matters  re- 
lated in  the  two  accompanying  letters. 


no 


MY    THIRTY    YEARS 


and  couldn't  go  another  step.  I  had  lost  my  hat  on  the  way, 
and  was  too  much  in  a  hurry  to  pick  it  up,  and  he  had  thrown 
me  off  twice  and  torn  my  coat  pretty  bad,  so  that  I  didn't  look 
very  trig  to  go  through  the  city,  or  go  to  the  President's  fine 


house.  But,  notwithstanding,  I  knew  the  President  would 
overlook  it,  considering  the  business  I  was  coming  upon  ;  so 
I  catched  the  express,  and  pulled  foot  right  through  Pennsyl- 
vany  Avenue,  without  any  hat,  and  torn  coat  sleeves  and 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  Ill 

coat-tail  flying.     The  stage  ofiered  to  carry  me,  but  I  thought 
I  wouldn't  stop  for  it. 

Almost  the  first  person  I  met  was  Mr.  Duff  Green.  Says 
he,  "  Captain  Downing,  what's  the  matter  V  I  held  up  the 
express  and  shook  it  at  him,  but  never  answered  him  a  word, 
and  pulled  on.  He  turned  and  walked  as  fast  as  he  could 
without  running,  and  followed  me.  Pretty  soon  I  met  Mr. 
Gales,  of  the  Intelligencer,  and  says  he,  "For  mercy  sake. 
Captain  Downing,  what's  the  matter  ?  Have  you  been  chased 
by  a  wolf,  or  Governor  Houston,  or  have  you  got  news 
from  Pennsylvania  ?"  I  didn't  turn  to  the  right  nor  left,  but 
shook  the  express  at  him  and  run  like  wildfire. 

When  I  came  up  to  the  President's  house,  the  old  gentleman 
was  standing  in  the  door.  He  stepped  quicker  than  I  ever 
see  him  before,  and  met  me  at  the  gate.  Says  he,  "  My  dear 
friend  Downing,  what's  the  matter  ?  Has  the  United  States 
Bank  been  trying  to  bribe  you,  and  you  are  trying  to  run 
away  from  'em  ?  They  may  buy  over  Webster  and  Clay  and 
such  trash,  but  I  knew  if  they  touched  you  they  would  get  the 
wrong  pig  by  the  ear."  As  he  said  this,  Duff  Green  hove  in 
sight,  puffing  and  blowing  at  full  speed. 

"  Oh,"  said  the  President,  "  Duff  Green  wants  to  have  a  lick 
at  you,  does  he  ?  Well,  don't  retreat  another  step,  Mr.  Down- 
ing ;  I'll  stand  between  you  and  harm."  Upon  that  he  called 
his  boy,  and  told  him  to  bring  his  pistols  in  a  moment.  By 
this  time  I  made  out  to  get  breath  enough  jest  to  say  Penn- 
sylvany,  and  to  shake  the  express  at  him.  The  old  man's 
color  changed  in  a  minute.  Says  he,  "Come  in,  Mr.  Downing, 
come  in — set  down — don't  say  a  word  to  Duff."  So  we  went 
in,  and  shut  the  door.     "  Now,"  says  the  President,  looking 


172  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

as  though  he  would  route  a  regiment  in'  five  minutes,  "  now 
speak,  and  let  me  know  whether  I  am  a  dead  man  or  alive." 

"  Gineral,"  says  I,  "  it's  all  over  with" .  "I  won't  hear 

a  word  of  it,"  says  he,  stomping  his  foot.  His  eyes  flashed 
fire  so  that  I  trembled  and  almost  fell  backward.  Bufc  I  see 
he  didn't  understand  me.  "  Dear  Gineral,"  says  I,  "  it's  all 
over  with  Clay  and  the  Bank."  At  that  he  clapt  his  hands 
and  jumpt  like  a  boy.  I  never  see  the  President  jump  before, 
as  much  as  I've  been  acquainted  with  him.  In  less  than  a 
minute  he  looked  entirely  like  another  man.  His  eyes  were 
as  calm  and  as  bright  as  the  moon  jest  coming  out  from  be- 
hind a  black  thunder-cloud. 

He  clenched  my  hand,  and  gave  it  such  a  shake  I  didn't 
know  but  he  would  pull  it  off.  Says  he,  "  Jack,  I  knew  Penn- 
sylvany  would  never  desert  me,  and  if  she  has  gone  for  me  I'm 
safe.  And  now  if  I  don't  make  them  are  Bank  chaps  hug  it, 
my  name  isn't  Andrew  Jackson.  And  after  all,  Jack,  I  aint 
so  glad  on  my  own  account  that  I  am  re-elected  as  I  am  for 
the  coutry  and  Mr.  Yan  Buren.  This  election  has  all  been  on 
Mr.  Van  Buren's  account,  and  we  shall  get  him  now  to  be 
President  after  me.  And  you  know,  Jack,  that  he's  the  only 
man,  after  me,  that's  fit  to  govern  this  country." 

The  President  has  made  me  promise  to  stop  and  spend  the 
night  with  him,  and  help  him  rejoice  over  the  victory.     But  I 
haven't  time  to  write  any  more  before  the  mail  goes. 
Your  loving  friend, 

CAPTAIN  JACK  DOWNING. 


ODT   or   THE    SENATE.  ItS 


LETTER  XXX. 

CAPTAIN  DOWNING  RECEIVES  A  MAJOR's  COMMISSION,  AND  IS  APPOINTED 
TO  MARCH  AGAINST  THE  NULLIFIERS, 

Washington  City,  Dec.  8,  1832. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  in  the  Mariners'  Church 
Building,  second  story,  eastern  end,  Fore  street,  Portland,  away 
Down  East,  in  the  State  of  Maine, 

My  Dear  Old  Friend  : — I  believe  the  last  time  I  wrote  to  you 
was  when  I  come  back  with  the  express  from  Baltimore,  and 
Duff  Green  chased  me  so  through  the  streets  to  find  out  what  I 
was  bringing,  and  the  President  thought  he  was  running  to 
get  a  lick  at  me,  and  called  for  his  pistols  to  stand  between 
me  and  harm,  you  know.  Well,  I  intended  to  turn  right  about 
again  after  I  had  made  the  old  gentleman's  heart  jump  up  by 
telling  him  that  he  had  got  Penusylvauy,  and  would  be  elected 
as  sure  as  eggs  was  bacon,  and  make  the  best  of  my  way  to- 
ward Portland.  For  you  can't  think  how  I  long  to  see  you 
and  Uncle  Joshua  and  Ant  Keziah  and  Cousin  Ephraim  and 
Cousin  Nabby  and  all  the  rest  of  the  dear  souls  up  in  Down- 
ingville.  It  seems  as  though  it  was  six  years  instead  of  six 
months  since  I  left  that  part  of  the  country,  and  when  I  shall 
be  able  to  get  back  again  is  more  than  I  can  tell  now  ;  for  I 
find  when  a  man  once  gets  into  public  life  he  can  never  say 
his  time  is  his  own  ;  he  must  always  stand  ready  to  go  where 
his  country  calls.     The  long  and  the  short  of  it  is,  the  Presi- 


lU 


MY   THIRTY   YEARS 


dent  has  got  so  many  other  fish  for  me  to  fry,  it's  no  use  for 
me  to  think  of  going  home  yet.  That  evening,  after  I  got 
back  with  the  express,  the  President  said  we  must  honor  this 


r,  ,.,';! -liigill-l'-ki/v.    f 


REJOICING    OVER    THE    VICTORY    IN    PENNSYLVANIA. 


victory  in  Pennsylvany  with  a  glass  of  wine.  "  I  am  sure," 
said  he,  "  Captain  Downing,  you  will  have  no  objection  to 
take  a  glass  with  me  on  this  joyful  occasion."     I  told  him  as 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  175 

for  that  matter,  I  supposed  I  could  take  a  glass  of  wine  upon 
a  pinch,  even  if  the  occasion  was  not  half  so  joyful.  So  we 
had  two  or  three  bottles  full  brought  in,  and  filled  up  the 
glasses.  "  And  now,"  says  the  President,  "I  will  give  you  a 
toast.  The  State  of  Pennsylvany — the  most  patriotic  State 
in  the  Union  ;  for  though  I  go  against  all  her  great  public  in- 
terests, still  she  votes  for  me  by  an  overwhelming  majority." 

He  then  called  for  my  toast.  And  what  could  I  give  but 
my  dear  native  "  Downingville — the  most  genuine,  unwaver- 
ing Democratic  Republikan  town  in  New  England." 

"  Good,"  said  the  President  ;  "  and  that  Downingville  has 
never  been  rewarded  yet.  You  shall  have  a  Post-Office  estab- 
lished there  ;  and  name  to  me  which  of  your  friends  you 
would  like  should  be  Postmaster,  and  he  shall  be  appointed." 

The  President  then  gave  his  second  toast  :  "  Martin  Van 
Buren,  the  next  President  of  the  United  States,  and  the  only 
man  in  the  country  that  is  fit  for  it.  Captain  Downing,  your 
toast  if  you  please." 

So  I  gave,  "  Uncle  Joshua  Downing,  the  most  thorough- 
going Republikan  in  Downingville." 

"  Good,"  said  the  President ;  "  I  understand  you.  Captain 
Downing  ;  your  Uncle  Joshua  shall  have  the  Post-Office." 

His  third  toast  was  the  "  Editor  of  the  Washington  Globe  ;" 
and  mine  was  the  "Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier."  But  I 
told  him  he  musn't  ask  me  for  any  more  toasts,  for  that  was 
as  fur  as  I  could  go. 

The  President  toasted  some  more  of  his  friends,  sich  as  Ma- 
jor Eaton,  and  Mr.  Kendall,  and  Mr.  Lewis,  and  the  Hon.  Isaac 
Hill,  and  so  on,  'til  it  got  to  be  pretty  late  in  the  evening  ;  and 
I  told  the  President  I  would  be  glad  if  he  would  excuse  me,  for 


176  MY    THIRTY   YEARS 

I  wanted  to  start  early  in  the  morning  on  my  way  Down 
East,  and  I  thought  I  should  feel  better  if  I  could  get  a  little 
nap  first.  And,  besides,  I  had  got  to  go  and  get  the  old  lady 
that  used  to  do  my  washing  and  mending  to  patch  up  my 
coat,  that  got  such  a  terrible  shipwreck  by  being  thrown  off 
the  horse  with  the  express. 

"  Start  Down  East  to-morrow  morning,  Captain  Downing,'^ 
said  he  ;  "  you  must  not  think  of  it.  I  have  an  important  and 
delicate  job  on  hand,  which  I  can't  get  along  with  very  well 
without  yoar  assistance.  There's  that  miserable,  ambitious 
Calhoun  has  been  trying  this  dozen  years  to  be  President  of 
the  United  States,  but  he  can't  make  out ;  so  now  he  is  deter- 
mined to  lop  off  a  few  of  the  Southern  States  and  make  him- 
self President  of  them.  But  if  he  don't  find  he's  mistaken,  my 
name  fsn't  Andrew  Jackson." 

As  he  said  this,  he  started  up  on  his  feet,  and  begun  to 
march  across  the  floor  with  a  very  soldier-like  step,  and  his 
eyes  fairly  flashed  fire. 

"No,"  said  he,  "  Captain  Downing,  he  must  wait  till  some- 
body else  is  President  besides  me  before  he  can  do  that.  Let 
him  move  an  inch  by  force  in  this  business,  if  he  dares.  Pll 
chase  him  as  far  beyond  Tennessee  as  it  is  from  here  there  but 
what  Pll  catch  him,  and  string  him  up  by  the  neck  to  the  first 
tree  I  can  find.  I  must  send  some  troops  out  there  to  South 
Carolina  to  reconnoiter  and  keep  matters  strait,  and  your  gal- 
lant defense  of  Madawaska  last  winter  points  you  out  as  the 
most  suitable  man  to  take  the  command.  I  shall  give  you  a 
major's  commisi^ion  tomorrow,  and  wish  you  to  enlist  two  or 
three  companies  of  brave  volunteers  and  hold  yourself  in  read- 
iness to  obey  orders.     In  case   we  should  have  to  come  to  a 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  ItT 

real  brush,"  said  the  President,  "  I  shall  take  command  my- 
Belf,  and  make  you  lieutenant-general.  But  I  wish  you  to 
bear  in  mind,  let  what  will  come,  never  to  shoot  that  Calhoun. 
Shooting  is  too  good  for  him.  He  must  dance  upon  nothing, 
with  a  rope  round  his  neck.  As  for  your  coat,  Captain  Down- 
ing, don't  trouble  the  old  lady  with  it.  I'll  give  you  one  of 
mine  to  wear  'til  you  get  a  suit  of  regimentals  made." 

I  told  him  I  felt  a  little  uneasy  about  taking  command 
among  strangers,  unless  I  could  have  my  Downingville  com- 
pany with  me. 

"  Send  for  them,"  said  the  President  ;  "  by  all  means,  send 
for  them.  There  are  no  troops  equal  to  'em,  except  it  is  the 
Tennessee  boys."  So  I  shall  forthwith  send  orders  to  Sargent 
Joel  to  march  'em  on  here.  As  I  am  to  have  my  commission 
to-morrow,  I  shall  venture  to  subscribe  myself  your  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXXI. 

UNCLE  JOSHUA  TELLS  WHAT  A  TUSSLE  THEY  HAD  IN  DOWNINGVILLE  TO 
KEEP  THE  FEDERALISTS  FROM  PRAISING  THE  PRESIDENT'S  PROCLAMA- 
TION AGAINST  THE  NULLIFIERS. 

Downingville,  State  of  Maine,  Dec.  27,  1832. 

To  Major  Jack  Downing,  at  Washington  City,  or  if  he  has  gone  to 
SoiUh  Carolina,  I  toant  President  Jackson  to  send  this  along  tu 
him. 

My  Dear  Neffu  :— We  had  almost  gin  you  up  for  dead,  you 
had  been  gone  so  long  before  we  got  your  letter  in  the  Port- 
land Courier,  telling  how  you  had  been  away  to  Tennessee 
along  with  President  Jackson.     Your  poor  mother  had  pined 

8 


178  MY.  THIRTY    YEARS 

away  so  that  she  had  nothing  left,  seemingly,  but  skin  and 
bones,  and  your  Cousin  Nabby  had  cried  her  eyes  "half  out  of 
her  head,  poor  girl.  But  when  the  Portland  Courier  came, 
bringing  that  are  letter  of  yourn,  Downingville  was  in  a  com- 
plete uproar  all  day.  Sargent  Joel  had  come  home  from 
Madawaska  and  dismissed  your  company,  and  gone  to  work  in 
the  woods  chopping  wood.  But  as  soon  as  he  heard  your  let- 
ter had  come,  he  dropped  his  ax,  and  I  don't  think  he's  touched 
it  since  ;  and  he  put  on  his  regimentals,  and  scoured  up  the 
old  piece  of  a  scythe  that  he  used  to  have  for  a  sword  and 
stuck  it  into  his  waistband,  and  strutted  about  like  a  major- 
gineral  Your  mother  begun  to  pick  up  her  crumbs  imme- 
diately, and  has  been  growing  fat  ever  since.  And  Nabby 
run  about  from  house  to  house,  like  a  crazy  bed-bug,  telling 
'em  Jack  was  alive,  and  was  agoing  to  build  up  Downing- 
ville and  make  something  out  of  it  yet. 

We  got  your  last  letter  and  the  President's  proclamation 
both  together,  though  I  see  your  letter  was  written  two  days 
first.  You  know  Pve  made  politics  my  study  for  thirty 
years,  and  I  must  say  it's  the  most  ginuine  Republikan  thing 
lever  come  acrost.  But  what  was  most  provoking  about  it 
was,  all  the  old  Federalists  in  town  undertook  to  praise  it  tu. 
Squire  Dudley,  you  know,  was  always  a  Federalist,  and  an 
Adams  man  tu.  I  met  him  the  next  day  after  the  proclama- 
tion come,  and  he  was  chock  full  of  the  matter.  Says  he,  "  Mr. 
Downing,  that  proclamation  is  jest  the  thing.  It's  the  true 
constitutional  doctrine.  We  all  support  the  President  in  this 
business  through  thick  and  thin." 

My  dander  began  to  rise,  and  I  could  not  hold  in  any  lon- 
ger. Says  I,  "Squire  Dudley,  shet  up  your  clack,  or  Pll  knock 
your  clam-shells  together  pretty  quick.  It's  got  to  be  a  pretty 
time  of  day  indeed,  if  after  we've  worked  so  hard  to  get 
President  Jackson  in,  you  Federalists  are  going  to  undertake 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  119 

lo  praise  his  proclamation  as  rimch  as  though  he  was  your  own 
President.  You've  aright  to  grumble  and  find  fault  with  it 
as  much  as  you  like  ;  but  don't  let  me  hear  you  say  another 
word  in  favor  of  it,  if  you  do  I'll  make  daylight  shine  through 
you."  The  old  man  hauled  in  his  horns  and  meeched  off,  look- 
ing shamed  enough. 

The  next  day  we  concluded  to  have  a  public  meeting  to 
pass  resolutions  in  favor  of  the  proclamation.  I  was  appoint- 
ed chairman.  The  Federal  party  all  came  flocking  round  and 
wanted  to  come  in  and  help  praise  the  President.  We  told 
'em  no  ;  it  was  our  President  and  our  proclamation,  and  they 
must  keep  their  distance.  So  we  shut  the  doors  and  went  on 
with  our  resolutions.  By  and  by  the  Federal  party  begun  to 
hurra  for  Jackson  outside  the  house.  At  that  I  told  Sargent 
Joel  and  your  Cousin  Ephraim,  and  two  or  three  more  of  the 
young  Democrats,  to  go  out  and  clear  the  coast  of  them  are 
fellers.  And  they  went  out,  and  Sargent  Joel  drew  his  piece 
of  a  scythe  and  went  at  'em,  and  the  Federalists  run  like  a 
flock  of  sheep  with  a  dog  after  'em.  So  we  finished  our  reso- 
lutions without  getting  a  drop  of  Federalism  mixed  with  'em, 
and  sent  'em  on  to  the  President  by  Sargent  Joel.  He  got 
his  company  together  last  week,  and  they  filled  their  knap- 
sacks with  bread,  and  sausages,  and  doe-nuts,  and  started  for 
Washington  according  to  your  orders. 

I  was  glad  to  see  that  hint  in  your  letter  about  a  Post-Office 
here.  We  need  one  very  much.  And  if  the  President  should 
think  I  ought  to  have  it,  being  Pve  always  been  such  a  good 
friend  to  him,  why  you  know,  Jack,  Pm  always  ready  to  serve 
my  country. 

So  I  remain  your  loving  uncle, 

JOSHUA  DOWNINa. 
P.  S. — If  the  President  shouldn't  say  anything  more  about 


180  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

the  Post-Office,  I  tliink  you  had  better  name  it  to  him  again 
before  you  go  to  South  Carolina  ;  for  if  anything  should  hap- 
pen to  you  there,  he  might  never  do  any  more  about  it. 


LETTER  XXXII. 

MAJOR  DOWNING  DESCRIBES  THE  ARRIVAL    OF    SARGENT    JOEL    WITH    THE 
COMPANY  AT  WASHINGTON. 

Washington  City,  Jan.  4,  1833. 

To  my  dear  Cousin  Ejphraim  Downing,  what  ivafchcs  the  Legislater 
at  Augusta,  away  Down  East,  in  the  State  of  Maine,  while  1 
stay  here  and  look  arter  Congress  and  the  President 

Dear  Cousin  : — Sargent  Joel  got  here  day  before  yesterday, 
with  my  hearty  old  company  of  Downingville  boys,  that  went 
down  to  Madawaska  with  me  last  winter.  They  cut  rather  a 
curious  figure  marching  through  Pennsylvany  Avenu.  One  half 
of  'em  had  worn  their  shoes  out  so  that  their  toes  stuck  out 
like  the  heads  of  so  many  young  turtles,  and  t'other  half  had 
holes  through  their  knees  or  elbows,  and  Sargent  Joel  marched' 
ahead  of 'em,  swinging  his  piece  of  an  old  scythe  for  a  sword, 
and  inquiring  of  every  one  he  met  for  Major  Jack  Downing. 
They  all  told  him  to  keep  along  till  he  got  to  the  President's 
house,  which  was  the  biggest  house  in  the  city  except  the  Con- 
gress house,  and  there  he  would  find  me.  I  and  the  President 
were  taking  a  little  walk  out,  and  talking  about  Mr.  Calhoun 
and  so  on,  when  the  President  begun  to  stare  as  though  he 
saw  a  catamount. 

He  started  back,  and  says  he,  "  Major  Downing,  if  my  eyes 
don't  deceive  me,  tliere's  nullification  now,  coming  up  Pennsyl- 
vany Avenu."  He  begun  to  call  for  his  pistols,  and  to  tell  his 
men  to  fasten  up  the  doors,  when  I  looked  round,  and  I  knew 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE. 


181 


Joel's  strut  in  a  minute.  Says  I,  "  Dear  Gineral,  that's  no 
nullification,  but  it's  what  '11  put  a  stopper  on  nullification 
pretty  quick  if  it  once  gets  to  South  Carolina.  It's  my  Down- 
ingville   company,    commanded   by   Sargent   Joel."     At  that 


n/  '^^^^^X'i... 


iY]m%i\;u.'-n 


ii^vr^ 


the  President  looked  more  pleased  than  I've  seen  him  before 
since  he  got  the  news  of  the  vote  of  Pennsylvany.  He  ordered 
'em  into  the  east  room,  and  gave  'em  as  much  as  they  couM 
cat  and  drink  of   the    best  the  liousc  affords.     lie  has  found 


182  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

quarters  for  'em  in  the  neighborhood,  and  says  we  must  be 
ready  to  march  for  South  Carolina  whenever  he  says  the  word. 

But  I'll  tell  you  what  'tis,  Cousin  Ephraim,  I  begin  to  grow 
a  little  kind  of  wamble-cropt  about  goin'  to  South  Carolina, 
arter  all.  If  they've  got  many  such  fellers  there  as  one 
Gineral  Blair  there  is  here  from  that  State,  I'd  sooner  take 
my  chance  in  the  woods,  forty  miles  above  Downingville, 
fighting  bears,  and  wolves,  and  catamounts,  than  come  wnthin 
gun-shot  of  one  of  these  Carolina  giants.  He's  a  whaler  of  a 
feller — as  big  as  any  two  men  in  Downingville.  They  say 
he  weighs  over  three  hundred  pounds.  About  a  week  ago 
he  met  Gineral  Duff  Green  in  the  street,  and  he  fell  afoul  of 
him  with  a  great  club  and  knocked  him  down,  and  broke  his 
arm,  and  beat  him  almost  to  death,  jest  because  he  got  mad 
at  something  Mr.  Green  said  in  his  paper.  And  what  makes 
me  feel  more  skittish  about  getting  into  the  hands  of  such 
chaps  is,  because  he  says  he  couldn't  help  it.  He  says  all  his 
friends  persuaded  him  not  to  meddle  with  Gineral  Green,  and 
he  tried  as  hard  as  he  could  to  let  him  alone,  but  he  "  found 
himself  unequal  to  the  effort."     So  Green  like  to  got  killed. 

The  folks  here  sot  out  to  carry  him  to  court  about  it,  but  he 
said  he  wouldn't  go,  and  so  he  armed  himself  with  four  pis- 
tols, and  two  dirks,  and  a  great  knife,  and  said  he'd  shoot  the 
first  man  that  touched  him.  Last  night  he  went  to  the  theater 
with  all  his  arms  and  coutrements  about  him.  And  after  he 
sot  there  a  spell,  and  all  the  folks  were  looking  to  see  the 
play  go  on,  he  draws  out  one  of  his  pistols  and  fires  it  at  tlie 
players.  Then  there  was  a  dreadful  uproar.  They  told  him 
he  must  clear  out  about  the  quickest.  But  he  said  if  they'd 
let  him  alone  he'd  behave  like  a  gentleman.  So  they  went  on 
with  the  play  again. 

By  and  by  he  draws  out  another  pistol,  and  points  it  to- 
wards the  players.     At  that  tliere  was  a  whole  parcel  of  'em 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  183 

seized  him  and  dragged  liim  out  into  another  room,  big  as  he 
was.  But  pretty  soou  he  got  upon  his  feet,  and  begun  to 
rave  like  a  mad  ox.  lie  pulled  off  his  coat  and  threw  it  down, 
and  declared  he'd  fight  the  whole  boodle  of  'em.  The  con- 
stables were  all  so  frightened  they  cut  and  run,  and  nobody 
dared  to  go  a  near  him,  till  he  got  cooled  down  a  little,  when 
some  of  his  friends  coaxed  him  away  to  a  tavern.  Now,  as 
for  going  to  South  Carolina  to  fight  such  chaps  as  these,  I'd 
sooner  let  nullification  go  to  grass  and  eat  mullen. 

Sargent  Joel  told  me,  when  he  left  Downingville,  you  had 
jest  loaded  up  with  apples  and  one  thing  or  another  to  go 
down  to  Augusta  to  peddle  'em  out ;  and  that  you  was  agoing 
to  stay  there  while  the  Lcgislater  folks  were  there.  So  I 
thought  it  would  be  a  good  plan  for  you  and  I  to  write  to  one 
another  about  once  a  week,  or  so,  how  matters  get  along. 
So  I  remain  your  loving  cousin, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXXIII. 

MAJOR  DOWNING  GIVES  HIS  OPINION  ABOUT    NULLIFICATION    AND    ILLUS- 
TRATES   IT  WITH  A  LUCID  EXAMPLE. 

Washington  City,  Jan.  IT,  1833. 

To  the.  Editor  of  the.  Portland  Courier,  in  the  Mariners'  Church 
Building,  second  story,  eastern  end,  Fore  street,  away  Down 
East,  in  the  State  of  Maine. 

My  Kind  and  Dear  Old  Friend  : — The  President's  message 
to  Congress  makes  cracking  work  here.  Mr.  Calhoun  shows 
his  teeth  like  a  lion.     Mr.   McDuffie  is  cool  as  a  cowcumber, 


*  Editorial  Note,— South  Carolina  took  very  violent  ground  against  Mr. 
Clay's  American  system,  and  especially  against  the  tariff  for  the  protection 
of  manufactures,  threatening  to  nullify  the  tariff  law,  and  in  case  an  attempt 


184  MY   THIRTY   YEARS 

though  they  say  he's  got  a  terrible  tempest  inside  of  him,  that 
he'll  let  out  before  long.  For  my  part,  I  think  the  President's 
message  is  about  right.  I  was  setting  with  the  President  iu 
the  east  room  last  night,  chatting  about  one  thing  and  another, 
and  the  President  says  he,  "  Major  Downing,  have  you  read 
my  message  that  I  sent  to  Congress  to-day."     I  told  him  I 

was  made  to  enforce  it,  to  secede  from  the  Union.  And  notwithstanding  the 
triumphant  election  of  General  Jackson,  in  1832,  gave  ample  assurance  that 
all  she  had  asked  and  desired  would  soon  be  accomplished,  she  refused  to  be 
pacified,  and,  like  a  rowdy  in  a  passion,  declared  she'd  have  a  fight  anyhow. 
Accordingly,  in  less  than  three  weeks  after  the  triumph  of  her  principles  in 
the  overwhelming  re-election  of  General  Jackson,  on  the  24th  of  November, 
she  issued  her  famous  Nullification  Ordinance,  under  the  following  title  :  *'  An 
ordinance  to  nullify  certain  acts  of  the  Congress  of  the  United  States,  pur- 
porting to  be  laws  laying  duties  and  imposts  on  the  importation  of  foreign 
commodities." 

This  ordinance,  after  enumerating  the  grievances  complained  of  under  the 
acts  of  Congress,  and  requiring  all  the  officials  of  the  State  to  take  an  oath, 
"  well  and  truly  to  obey,  execute  and  enforce  this  ordinance,  and  such  act  or 
acts  of  the  Legislature  as  may  be  passed  in  pursuance  thereof,"  goes  on  to 
say  : 

"  And  we,  the  people  of  South  Carolina,  to  the  end  that  it  may  be  fully 
understood  by  the  Government  of  the  United  States  and  the  people  of  the 
co-States,  that  we  are  determined  to  maintain  this,  our  ordinance  and  decla- 
ration, at  every  hazard,  do  further  declare  that  we  will  not  submit  to  the  ap- 
plication of  force,  on  the  part  of  the  Federal  Government,  to  reduce  this 
State  to  obedience,"  &c.  ;  and,  finally,  that  any  attempt  to  enforce  these  acts 
of  Congress  shall  be  considered  "  inconsistent  with  the  longer  continuance 
of  South  Carolina  in  the  Union  ;  and  that  the  people  of  this  State  will  hence- 
forth hold  themselves  absolved  from  all  further  obligation  to  maintain  or 
preserve  the  political  connection  with  the  people  of  the  other  States,  and  will 
forthwith  proceed  to  organize  a  separate  Government,  and  do  all  other  acts 
and  things  which  sovereign  and  independent  States  may  of  right  do." 

This  ordinance  was  the  act  of  a  State  Convention,  held  at  Columbia,  and 
was  signed  by  more  than  a  hundred  of  the  most  prominent  and  influential 
men  of  the  State.  It  was  to  take  effect  on  the  first  day  of  February  follow- 
ing, and  placed  the  State  in  open  rebellion  to  the  General  Government.  The 
ordinance  was  officially  communicated  to  President  Jackson  early  in  Decem- 
ber, and  on  the  10th  of  that  month  the  President  issued  his  ^'xmow?, proclama- 
tion ajaimt  Nullification.     This  was  an  able  and  patriotic  document,  and  added 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE  185 

hadn't.,  "Well,"  says  he,  "I  should  like  to  have  you  read  it 
and  give  me  your  opinion  upon  it."  So  he  handed  it  to  me, 
and  I  sot  down  and  read  it  through. 

And  when  I  got  through,  "  Now,"  says  I,  "  Gineral,  I'll  tell 
you  jest  what  I  think  of  this  ere  business.  When  I  was  a 
youngster,  some  of  us  Downingville  boys  used  to  go  down  to 

much  to  the  popularity  of  the  Presideat  among  all  conservative  citizen-^ 
throughout  the  country  ;  so  much  so  that,  according  to  the  testimony  of 
Major  Downing  and  Uncle  Joshua,  the  Democrats  of  Downingville  had  the 
greatest  difficulty  imaginable  to  keep  the  Federal  party  from  praising  it. 

After  an  elaborate  constitutional  argument  upon  the  subject,  in  which 
South  Carolina  is  shown  to  be  clearly  and  grossly  in  the  wrong,  the  President 
makes  a  touching  and  forcible  appeal  to  the  feelings  and  patriotism  of  the 
citizens  of  that  State,  from  which  we  make  some  brief  quotations  : 

"  Fellow-citizens  of  my  native  State,  let  me  not  only  admonish  you,  as  the 
first  Magistrate  of  our  common  country,  not  to  incur  the  penalty  of  its  laws, 
but  use  the  influence  that  a  father  would  over  his  children  whom  he  saw  rush 
ing  to  certain  ruin,"  &c.        *  *  *  *  * 

'•  You  are  free  members  of  a  flourishing  and  happy  Union.  There  is  no 
settled  design  to  oppress  you.  You  have,  indeed,  felt  the  unequal  operation 
of  laws  which  may  have  been  unwisely,  not  unconstitutionally,  passed  ;  but 
that  inequality  must,  necessarily  be  removed.  At  the  very  moment  when 
J  ou  were  madly  urged  on  to  the  unfortunate  course  you  have  begun,  a  change 
in  the  public  opinion  had  commenced."  *  *  * 

'*  I  adjure  you,  as  you  value  the  peace  of  your  country,  the  lives  of  its 
best  citizens,  and  your  own  fair  fame,  to  retrace  your  steps.  Snatch  from 
the  archives  of  your  State  the  disorganizing  edict  of  its  Convention  ;  bid  its 
members  to  re-assemble,  and  promulgate  the  decided  expressions  of  your  will 
to  remain  in  the  path  which  alone  can  conduct  you  to  safety,  prosperity  and 
honor.  Tell  them  that,  compared  to  disunion,  all  other  evils  are  light,  be- 
cause that  brings  with  it  an  accumulation  of  all.  Declare  that  you  will  never 
take  the  field  unless  the  star  spangled  banner  of  your  country  shall  float  over 
you  5  that  you  will  not  be  stigmatized  when  dead,  and  dishonored  and 
scorned  while  you  live,  as  the  authors  of  the  first  attack  on  the  Constitution 
of  your  country.  Its  destroyers  you  cannot  be.  You  may  disturb  its  peace  ; 
you  may  interrupt  the  course  of  its  prosperity  ;  you  may  cloud  its  reputa- 
tion for  stability,  but  its  tranquility  will  be  restored,  its  prosperity  will  re- 
turn, and  the  stain  upon  its  national  character  will  be  transferred,  and  re- 
main an  eternal  blot  on  the  memory  of  those  who  caused  the  disorder." 

8* 


186  MY    THIKTY    YEARS 

Sebago  Pond  every  spring  and  hire  out  a  montli  or  two  raft- 
ing logs  across  the  pond.  And  one  time  I  and  Cousin  Ephraim, 
and  Joel,  and  Bill  Johnson,  and  two  or  three  more  of  us  had 
each  a  whopping  great  log  to  carry  across  the  pond.  It  was 
rather  a  windy  day,  and  the  waves  kept  the  logs  bobbing  up 
and  down  pretty  considerable  bad,  so  we  agreed  to  bring  'em 
along  side-and-side  and  lash  'em  together  and  drive  some 
thole-pins  in  the  outermost  logs  and  row  'em  over  together. 
We  went  along  two  or  three  miles  pretty  well.  But  by  and 
by  Bill  Johnson  begun  to  complain.  He  was  always  an  un- 
easy, harum-scarum  sort  of  a  chap.  Alwaj^s  thought  every- 
body else  had  an  easier  time  than  he  had,  and,  when  he  was 
a  boy,  always  used  to  be  complaining  that  the  other  boys  had 
more  butter  on  their  bread  than  he  had.  Well,  Bill  was  row- 
ing on  the  leward  side,  and  he  begun  to  fret  and  said  his  side 
went  the  hardest,  and  he  wouldn't  give  us  any  peace  till  one 
of  us  changed  sides  with  him. 

The  proclamation  then  closes  with  an  appeal  to  the  citizens  of  the  United 
States.     We  make  a  brief  extract  or  two  : 

"  Fellow-citizens  of  the  United  States  : — The  threat  of  unhallowed  disunion, 
the  names  of  those,  once  respected,  by  whom  it  is  uttered,  the  array  of  mili- 
tary force  to  support  it,  denote  the  approach  of  a  crisis  in  our  affairs  on 
which  the  continuance  of  our  unexampled  prosparity,  our  political  existence, 
and  perhaps  that  of  all  free  Grovernments  may  depend.  Having  the  fullest 
confidence  in  the  justness  of  the  legal  and  constitutional  opinion  of  my 
duties  which  has  been  expressed,  I  rely  with  equal  confidence  on  your  undi- 
vided support  in  my  determination  to  execute  the  laws — to  preserve  the 
Union  by  all  constitutional  means — to  arrest,  if  possible,  by  moderate,  but 
firm  measures,  the  necessity  of  a  recourse  to  force." 

"  Fellow-citizens  : — The  momentous  case  is  before  you.  On  your  undivided 
support  of  your  Government  depends  the  decision  of  the  great  question  it 
involves,  whether  your  sacred  Union  will  be  preserved,  and  the  blessings  it 
secures  to  us  as  one  people  shall  be  perpetuated.  No  one  can  doubt  that  the 
unanimity  with  which  that  decision  will  be  expressed  will  be  such  as  to  in- 
spire new  confidence  in  republican  institutions,  and  that  the  prudence,  the 
wisdom  and  the  courage  which  it  will  bring  to  their  defense  will  transmit 
them,  unimpaired  and  invigorated,  to  our  children."' 


(187) 


188  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

"  Well,  Bill  hadn't  rowed  but  a  little  ways  on  the  winward 
side  before  he  began  to  fret  again,  and  declared  that  side  went 
harder  than  t'other,  and  he  wouldn't  touch  to  row  on  that  side 
any  longer.  We  told  him  he  had  his  choice,  and  he  shouldn't 
keep  changing  so.  But  he  only  fretted  the  more,  and  begun  to 
get  mad.  At  last  he  declared  if  we  didn't  change  with  him  in 
five  minutes,  he'd  cut  the  lashings  and  take  his  log  and  paddle 
off  alone.  And  before  we  had  hardly  time  to  turn  round,  he  de- 
clared the  five  minutes  were  out,  and  up  hatchet  and  cut  the 
lashings,  and  away  went  Bill  on  his  own  log,  bobbing  and 
rolling  about,  and  dancing  like  a  monkey,  to  try  to  keep  on 
the  upper  side.  The  rest  of  us  scrabbled  to  as  well  as  we 
could,  and  fastened  our  logs  together  again,  though  we  had  a 
tough  match  for  it,  the  wind  blew  so  hard.  Bill  hadn't  gone 
but  a  little  ways  before  his  log  begun  to  roll  more  and  more, 
and  by  and  by  in  he  went  splash,  head  and  ears.  He  came  up 
puffiing  and  blowing,  and  got  hold  of  the  log  and  tried  to 
climb  up  on  to  it,  but  the  more  he  tried  the  more  the  log 
rolled  ;  and  finding  it  would  be  gone  goose  with  him  pretty 
soon  if  he  staid  there,  he  begun  to  sing  out  like  a  loon  for  us 
to  come  and  take  him.  We  asked  him  which  side  he  would 
row  if  we  would  take  his  log  into  the  raft  again.  *  Oh,'  says 
Bill,  'I'll  row  on  either  side  or  both  sides  if  you  want  me  to, 
if  you'll  only  come  and  help  me  before  I  sink.'" 

*'  But,"  said  the  President,  "  I  hope  you  didn't  help  the  fool- 
ish rascal  out  till  he  got  a  pretty  good  soaking."  "  He  got 
soaked  enough  before  we  got  to  him,"  says  I,  '*  for  he  was  just 
ready  to  sink  for  the  last  time,  and  our  logs  come  pesky  near 
getting  scattered,  and  if  they  had,  we  should  all  gone  to  the 
bottom  together.  And  now,  Gineral,  this  is  jest  what  I  think  : 
if  you  let  South  Carolina  cut  the  lashings  you'll  see  such  a 
log-rolling  in  this  country  as  you  never  see  yet."  The  old 
Gineral  started  up  and  marched  across  the  floor  like  a  boy. 


OUT   OF    THE    SENATE.  189 

Says  he,  "  Major  Downing,  she  shan't  cut  the  lasliings  while 
my  name  is  Andrew  Jackson.  Tell  Sargent  Joel  to  have  his 
company  sleep  on  their  arms  every  night."  I  told  him  they 
should  be  ready  at  a  moment's  warning. 

I  wish  you  would  jest  give  Cousin  Ephraim,  up  to  Augusta, 
a  jog  to  know  why  he  don't  write  to  me  and  let  me  know  how 
the  Legislator  is  getting  along. 

I  remain  your  loving  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXXIV. 

COUSIN  EPHRAIM  TELLS  THE    MAJOR   HOW    MATTERS    GET    ALONG    AT    AU- 
GUSTA, AND  GIVES  A  SPECIMEN  OF  THE  VALUE  OF  POLITICAL  PROMISES. 

Augusta,  State  of  Maine,  Jan.  30,  1833. 

To  Major  Jack  Downing,  at  Washington. 

Dear  Cousin  Jack  : — I  got  your  letter  some  time  ago,  but  I 
hadn't  time  to  answer  it  afore  now,  because  I  had  to  go  back 
up  to  Downingville  to  get  another  load  of  apples.  These  Leg- 
islator folks  crouch  apples  down  by  the  wholesale  between 
speeches,  and  sometimes  in  the  middle  of  speeches  tu.  That 
afternoon  that  Mr.  Cla.rk  spoke  all  day,  I  guess  I  sold  nigh 
upon  a  half  a  bushel  for  cash,  and  trusted  out  most  three 
pecks  besides.  The  folks  up  to  Downingville  are  all  pretty 
well,  only  your  poor  old  mother  ;  she's  got  the  reumatics  pret- 
ty bad  this  winter.  She  says  she  wishes  with  all  her  heart 
Jack  would  come  home,  and  not  think  of  going  to  South  Car- 
olina. Ever  since  she  heard  about  Gineral  Blair  she  can't 
hardly  sleep  nights,  she's  so  fraid  you'll  get  shot.  I  tell  her 
there's  no  danger  of  you  as  long  as  you  have  President  Jack' 
sou  one  side  of  you  and  Sargent  Joel  t'other. 


190  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

The  Legislate!'  is  jogging  along  here  pretty  well  ;  I  guess 
they'll  get  through  about  the  first  of  March,  if  they  don't  have 
too  many  boundary  questions  come  along  We  made  some 
major-ginerals  here  t'other  day,  and  I  tried  to  get  you  elect- 
ed. Not  because  I  thought  you  cared  much  about  the  office 
now,  but  jest  for  the  honor  of  Downingville.  I  tried  most  all 
the  members,  and  thought  to  be  sure  you  would  come  in  as 
slick  as  grease  ;  for  about  forty  of  'em  told  me  they  thought 
it  belonged  to  ynu.  They  said  it  wus  against  their  principles 
to  pledge  their  votes  to  anybody  ;  but  they  whispered  in 
my  ear  that  they  would  do  what  tkey  could,  and  they  hadn't 
scarcely  a  doubt  but  what  you'd  be  elected.  Sixty-eight  of  'em 
told  me  you  was  the  hest  man  for  it,  and  would  undoubtedly  be 
chosen  as  a  matter  of  course.  And  twenty-five  of  'em  prom- 
ised me  right  up  and  down,  by  the  crook  of  the  elbow,  that 
they  would  vote  for  you.  Well,  Jack,  after  all  this,  you  didn't 
get  but  two  votes.  By  that  time  I  begun  to  think  it  wasn't  so 
strange  that  it  took  you  two  years  hard  fishing  before  3'ou 
could  get  an  office. 

This  is  the  most  Democratic  Legialater  that  they  have  ever 
had  in  this  State  yet.  They  are  most  all  real  ginuine  Demo- 
krats,  and  they  have  give  Mr.  Holmes  and  Mr.  Sprague  a  ter- 
rible basting  for  turning  Federalists,  and  they  have  turned 
Mr.  Holmes  out  and  put  Mr.  Shepley  in. 

The  Legislater  is  talking  of  moving  the  seat  of  government 
back  to  Portland  again.  They  say  it  will  be  better  all  round. 
They  won't  have  to  go  so  fur  through  the  snow-drifts  to  their 
boarding-houses,  and  won't  have  to  pay  much  more  than  half 
so  much  for  their  board.  And  here  they  have  to  pay  fourpence 
apiece  every  time  they  are  shaved  ;  but  in  Portland  they  can 
get  shaved  by  the  half  dozen  for  three  cents  apiece.  I  hope 
they  will  go,  for  I  can  get  more  for  my  apples  in  Portland 
than  I  can  here. 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  191 

P.  S. — Bill  Johnson  was  married  last  week,  and  he  quarreled 
with  his  wife  the  very  next  day.  So  you  see  he  is  the  same 
old  sixpence  he  used  to  be.  He  says  he'll  send  a  petition  to 
the  Legislater  to  be  divorced,  and  he  declares  if  they  don't 
grant  it  he'll  cut  the  lashings  as  he  did  once  on  the  raft  on 
Sebago  Pond,  sinii  or  swim. 

N.  B. — Uncle  Joshua  wished  me  to  ask  you  to  ask  the  Pres- 
ident about  that  Post-Office  again,  as  his  commission  hasn't 
come  yet. 

I  remain  your  loving  cousin, 

EPHRAIM   DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXXV.* 

MAJOR  DOWNING  GOES  UP  TOP  THE  CONGRESS  HOUSE  AND  LISTENS  TO 
SEE  IF  HE  CAN  HEAR  THE  GUNS  IN  SOUTH  CAROLINA,  AND  ALSO  HAS 
A  TALK  WITH  THE  PRESIDENT  ABOUT  THE  SLANDER  OF  THE  NEWS- 
PAPERS. 

Washington  City,  Feb.  1,  1833. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  in  the  Mariners'  Church 
Building,  second  story,  eastern  end,  Fore  street,  away  Down  East, 
in  the  State  of  Maine. 

My  Dear  Friend  : — This  is  nullification  day,  and  it's  most 
night,  and  I  aint  dead  yet,  and  haint  been  shot  at  once  to-day. 
I  got  up  this  morning  as  soon  as  it  was  light,  and  went  out, 
and  looked  away  toward  South  Carolina,  and  listened  as  hard 
as  I  could  to  see  if  I  could  hear  the  guns  crackin'  and  the 


*  Editorial  Note.— The  1st  of  February,  1833,  was  the  day  appointed  by 
South  Carolina  for  putting  in  force  her  nullifying  ordinance. 


192 


MY    THIRIY    YEARS 


cannons  roarin'.  But  it  was  all  still  as  a  mouse.  And  I've 
been  up  top  the  Congress  house  five  or  six  times  to-day,  and 
listened  and  listened  ;  but  all  the  firing  I  could  hear  was  in- 
side the  Congress  house  itself,  where  the  members  were  shoot- 
ing their  speeches  at  each  other.  I  had  my  company  all  ready 
this  morning,  with  their  dinners  in  their  'napsacks,  to  start  as 


LISTENING    FOK    THE    GUNS    IN    SOUTH    CAROLINA. 


quick  as  we  heard  a  single  gun  We  shan't  go  till  we  hear 
something  from  these  niillifiers,  for  the  President  says  he  aint 
agoing  to  begin  the  scrape  ;  but  if  the  nullifiers  begin  it,  then 
the  hardest  must  fend  off. 

Yesterday  a  friend  handed  me  a  couple  of  papers  printed  at 
Hallowell,  away  down  pretty  near  to  Augusta,  in  the  State  of 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  193 

Maine,  called  the  American  Advocate,  and  I  found  sometliing 
in  'em  that  made  me  as  mad  as  a  Maich  hair.  The  first  one  men- 
tioned that  Captain  Dow  was  chosen  Mayor  of  Portland,  and 
then  said  :  "  He  is  the  reputed  author  of  the  Jack  Downing 
letters  that  have  been  published  in  the  Portland  Courier."  The 
other  paper,  that  was  printed  two  or  three  days  afterward, 
said  ;  "  Mr.  Dow,  the  new  Mayor  of  Portland,  is  not  the  au- 
thor of  Jack  Downing's  letters  ;  they  are  written  by  the  edi- 
tor of  the  Portland  Courier."  Now,  Mr.  Editor,  my  good  old 
friend,  isn't  this  too  bad  ?  I  haven't  come  acrost  any  thing 
that  made  me  feel  so  wamble-cropt  this  good  while.  Jest  as 
if  Major  Jack  Downing  couldn't  write  his  own  letters. 

Pve  been  to  school,  put  it  altogether,  oif  and  on,  more  than 
six  months  ;  and,  though  I  say  it  myself,  I  always  used  to  be 
called  the  best  scholar  among  all  the  boys  in  Downingville, 
and  most  always  used  to  stand  at  the  head  of  my  class.  Pd 
been  through  Webster's  spelling  book  before  I  was  fifteen,  and 
before  I  was  twenty  I  could  cypher  to  the  rule  of  three.  And 
now  to  have  it  said  that  I  don't  write  my  own  letters  is  too 
bad.  It's  what  I  call  a  rascally  shame.  I  was  so  boiling  over 
with  it  last  night,  that  I  couldn't  hold  in  ;  and  so  I  took  the 
papers,  and  went  in  and  showed  them  to  the  President.  I  al- 
ways go  to  the  President  when  I  have  any  diflScnlty,  and  when 
he  has  any  he  comes  to  me  ;  so  we  help  one  another  along  as 
well  as  we  can.     When  the  President  had  read  it,  says  he  : 

"  Major  Downing,  it's  strange  to  see  how  this  world  is  given 
to  lying.  The  public  papers  are  beginning  to  slander  you 
jest  as  they  always  do  me.  I  haven't  written  scarcely  a  pub- 
lic document  since  Pve  been  President  but  what  it's  been 
laid  off  to  Mr.  Van  Buren,  or  Mr.  McLane,  or  Mr.  Livingston, 
or  Mr.  Taney,  or  somebody  or  other,  And  how  to  help  this 
slanderous  business  I  don't  know.  But  it's  too  provoking, 
Major,  that's  certain.     Sometimes  Pve  a  good  mind  to  make 


194  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

Congress  pass  a  law  that  every  editor  who  says  I  don't  write 
ray  proclamations  and  messages,  or  that  you  don't  write  your 
letters,  shall  forfeit  his  press  and  types  ;  and,  if  that  don't 
stop  him,  that  he  shall  be  strung  up  by  the  neck  without 
judge  or  jury.'^ 

And  now,  Mr.  Editor,  I  wish  you  would  jest  give  that  Ilal- 
lowell  man  a  hint  to  mind  his  own  p's  and  q's  in  future,  and 
look  out  for  his  neck.  And  as  you  know  very  well  that  I  do 
write  my  own  letters,  I  would  thank  you  jest  to  tell  the  public 
so. 

I  remain  your  sincere  and  loving  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXXVI. 

COUSIN  EPHRAIil  EXPLAINS  THE  SCIENCE  OF  LAND    SPECULATON. 

Augusta,  State  of  Maine,  March  4,  1833. 
To  Major  Jack  Downing,  at  President   JadcsorCs  house,  in    Wash- 
ington City, 

Dear  Cousin  Jack  : — The  Legislater  folks  have  all  cleared 
out  to-day,  one  arter  t'other,  jest  like  a  flock  of  sheep  ;  and 
some  of  'em  have  left  me  in  the  lurch  tu,  for  they  cleared  out 
without  paying  me  for  my  apples.  Some  of  'em  went  off  in 
my  debt  as  much  as  twenty  cents,  and  some  ninepence,  and 
a  shilling,  and  so  on.  They  all  kept  telling  me  when  they  got 
paid  off  they'd  settle  up  with  me.  And  so  I  waited  with  pa- 
tience till  they  adjourned,  and  thought  I  was  as  sure  of  my 
money  as  tliongh  it  was  in  the  bank. 

But,  my  patience,  when  they  did  adjourn,  such  a  hubbub  I 
guess  you  never  see.     They  were  flying  about  from  one  room 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  195 

to  another,  like  so  many  pigeons  shot  in  the  head.  They  run 
into  Mr.  Harris'  room,  and  clawed  the  money  off  his  table, 
hand  over  fist.  I  brustled  up  to  some  of  'em,  and  tried  to  set- 
tle. I  come  to  one  man  that  owed  me  twelve  cents,  and  he 
had  a  ninepence  in  change  ;  but  he  wouldn't  let  me  have  that, 
because  he  should  lose  half  a  cent.  So,  while  we  were  both- 
ering about  it,  trying  to  get  it  changed,  the  first  I  knew  the 
rest  of  'em  had  got  their  money  in  their  pockets,  and  were  off 
lik  a  shot — some  of  'em  in  stages,  and  some  in  sleighs, 
and  some  footing  it.  I  out  and  followed  arter  'em,  but 't  was 
no  use  ;  I  couldn't  catch  one  of  'em.  And  as  for  my 
mone}',  and  apples  tu,  I  guess  I  shall  have  t'o  whistle  for 
'em  now.  It's  pesky  hard,  for  I  owe  four  and  sixpence  here  yet 
for  my  board,  and  I've  paid  away  every  cent  I've  got  for  my 
apples,  and  don't  know  but  I  shall  have  to  come  down  with 
another  load  to  clear  out  my  expenses.  Howsomever,  you 
know  Uncle  Joshua  always  told  us  never  to  cry  for  spilt  milk, 
so  I  mean  to  hold  my  head  up  yet. 

I  don't  know  but  I  shall  have  to  give  up  retailing  apples,  I 
meet  with  so  many  head  flaws  about  it.  I  was  thinking  that, 
soon  as  the  Legislater  adjourned,  I'd  take  a  load  of  apples  and 
apple-sass,  and  a  few  sassages,  and  come  on  to  Washington, 
and  go  long  with  your  company  to  South  Carolina.  But  they 
say  Mr.  Clay  has  put  a  stopper  on  that  nullification  business, 
and  it's  ten  chanches  to  one  you  won't  have  to  go. 

I  don't  care  so  much  about  the  apple  business  after  all,  for 
I've  found  out  a  way  to  get  rich  forty  times  as  fast  as  I  can 
by  retailing  apples,  or  as  you  can  by  hunting  after  an  office. 
And  I  advise  you  to  come  right  home,  as  quick  as  you  can 
come.  Here's  a  business  going  on  here  that  you  can  get  rich 
by  ten  times  as  quick  as  you  can  in  any  office,  even  if  jou 
should  get  to  be  President.  The  President  don't  have  but 
twenty-five  thousand  dollars  a  year  ;  but  in  this  'ere  business 


196  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

that's  going  on  here,  a  man  can  make  twenty-five  thousand 
dollars  in  a  week  if  he's  a  mind  to,  and  not  work  liard  neither. 

I  s'pose  by  this  time  you  begin  to  feel  rather  in  a  pucker  to 
know  w^hat  this  business  is.  I'll  tell  you  ;  but  you  must  keep 
it  to  yourself,  for  if  all  them  are  Washington  folks  and  Con- 
gress folks  should  come  on  here  and  go  dipping  into  it,  I'm 
afraid  they'd  cut  us  all  out.  But  between  you  and  me,  it's 
only  jest  buying  and  selling  land.  Why,  Jack,  it's  forty  times 
more  profitable  than  money  digging,  or  any  other  business 
that  you  ever  see.  I  knew  a  man  here  t'other  day  from  Bangor, 
that  made  ten  thousand  dollars,  and  I  guess  he  wan't  more 
than  an  hour  about  it.  Most  all  the  folks  here,  and  down  to 
Portland  and  Bangor,  have  got  their  fortunes  made,  and  now 
we  are  beginning  to  take  hold  of  it  up  in  the  country. 

They've  got  a  slice  up  in  Downingville,  and  I  missed  it  by 
being  down  here  selling  apples,  or  I  should  had  a  finger  in 
the  pie.  Uncle  Joshua  Downing — you  know  he's  an  old  fox, 
and  always  knows  where  to  jump  ;  well,  he  see  how  every- 
body was  getting  rich,  so  he  went  and  bought  a  piece  of  town- 
ship up  back  of  Downingville,  and  give  his  note  for  a  thou- 
sand dollars  for  it.  And  then  he  sold  it  to  Uncle  Jacob,  and 
took  his  note  for  two  thousand  dollars  ;  and  Uncle  Jacob  sold 
it  to  Uncle  Zackary,  and  look  his  note  for  three  thousand  dol- 
lars ;  and  Uncle  Zackary  sold  it  to  Uncle  Jim,  and  took  his 
note  for  four  thousand  dollars  ;  and  Uncle  Jim  sold  it  to 
Cousin  Sam,  and  took  his  note  for  five  thousand  dollars  ;  and 
Cousin  Sam  sold  it  to  Bill  Johnson,  and  took  his  note  for  six 
thousand  dollars.  So  you  see  there's  five  of  'em,  that  wan't 
worth  ninepence  apiece,  (except  Uncle  Joshua,)  have  now  got 
a  thousand  dollars  apiece  clear,  when  their  notes  are  paid. 
And  Bill  Johnson's  going  to  logging  off  of  it,  and  they  say  he'll 
make  more  than  an}'-  of  'em. 

Come  home,  Jack  ;  come  home  by  all  means,  if  you    want 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  19T 

to  get  rich.  Give  up  youi'  commission,  and  think  no  more 
about  being  President,  or  anything  else,  but  come  home  and 
buy  land  before  it's  all  gone. 

Your  loving  cousin, 

EPHRAIM  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXXVII. 

MAJOR    DOWNING    TELLS    UOW    MR.    CLAY    PUT    A    STOP   TO  THAT  FUSS  IN 
SOUTH  CAROLINA,  BESIDES    HUSHING  UP  SOME  OTHER  QUARRELS. 

Washington  City,  March  10,  1833. 
To  Cousin  Ejphraim  Downing,  up  in  Downingville, 

Dear  Cousin  Ephraim  :— I  got  your  letter  this  morning.  It 
was  a  shame  for  them  are  Legislator  folks  to  skulk  off  with- 
out paying  you  for  your  apples.  But  they  are  the  worst 
folks  about  standing  to  their  word  that  I  know  of.  They've 
promised  me  an  office  more  than  twenty  times,  but  some  how 
or  other,  come  to  the  case  in  hand,  their  votes  always  went 
for  somebody  else.  But  I  don't  care  a  fig  for  'em  as  long  as 
I've  got  the  President  on  my  side,  for  his  offices  are  as  fat 
again  as  the  Legislator  offices  are.  The  President's  offices 
will  support  a  man  pretty  well  if  he  doesn't  do  anything  at 
all.  As  soon  as  Mr.  Clay's  tariff  bill  passed,  the  President 
called  me  into  his  room,  and  says  he,  "  Major  Downing,  the 
nullification  jig  is  up.  There'll  be  no  fun  for  you  in  South 
Carolina  now,  and  I  guess  you  may  as  well  let  Sargent  Joel 
march  the  company  back  to  Downingville,  and  wait  till  some- 
body kicks  up  another  bobbery  somewhere,  and  then  I'll  send 
for  'em,  for  they  are  t!ie  likeliest  company  I've  seen  since  I 
went  with  my  Tennessee  Rangers  to  New  Orleans,     And  as 


198  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

for  you,  Major  Downing,  you  shall  still  hold  your  commission, 
and  be  under  half  pay,  holding  yourself  in  readiness  to  march 
at  a  moment's  warning-,  and  to  fight  whenever  called  for." 

So  you  see,  Cousin  Ephraim,  I  am  pretty  well  to  live  in  the 
world,  without  any  of  your  land  speculations  or  apple-selling 
Down  East.  I  can't  seem  to  see  how  'tis  they  all  make 
money  so  fast  in  that  land  business  down  there  that  you  tell 
about.  How  could  ail  our  folks,  and  Bill  Johnson,  and  all  of 
'em  there  in  Downingville  make  a  thousand  dollars  apiece, 
jest  a  trading  round  among  themselves,  when  there  ain't 
fifty  dollars  in  money,  put  it  all  together,  in  the  whole  town. 
It  rather  puzzles  me  a  little.  As  soon  as  I  see  'em  all  get 
their  thousand  dollars,  cash  in  hand,  I  guess  Til  give  up  my 
commission,  and  come  home  and  buy  some  land  tu. 

But  at  present  I  think  I  rather  have  a  bird  in  the  hand  than 
one  in  the  bush.  Our  Congress  folks  here  cleared  out  about 
the  same  time  that  your  Legislator  folks  did,  and  I  and  the 
President  have  been  rather  lonesome  a  few  days.  The  old 
gentleman  says  I  must  n't  leave  him  on  any  account  ;  but  I 
guess  I  shall  start  Joel  and  the  company  off  for  Downingville 
in  a  day  or  two.  They've  got  their  clothes  pretty  much 
mended  up,  and  they  look  quite  tidy.  I  should  n't  feel 
ashamed  to  see  'em  marched  through  any  city  in  the  United 
States. 

It  isn't  likely  I  shall  have  anything  to  do  under  my  com- 
mission very  soon.  For  some  say  there'll  be  no  fighting  in 
the  country  while  Mr.  Clay  lives,  if  it  should  be  a  thousand 
years.  He's  got  a  master  knack  of  pacifying  folks  and  hush- 
ing up  quarrels  as  you  ever  see.  He's  stopt  all  that  fuss  in 
South  Carolina,  that  you  know  was  just  ready  to  blow  the 
whole  country  sky-high.  He  stept  up  to  'em  in  Congress, 
and  told  'em  what  sort  of  a  bill  to  pass,  and  they  passed  it 
without  hardly  any  jaw  about  it.     And  South   Carolina  has 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  199 

hauled  in  her  horns,  and  they  say  she'll  be  as  calm  as  a  clock 
now.  And  that  isn't  the  only  quarrel  Mr.  Clay  has  stopt. 
Two  of  the  Senators,  Mr.  Webster  and  Mr.  Poindexter,  got  as 
mad  as  March  hairs  at  each  other.  They  called  each  other 
some  pesky  hard  names,  and  looked  cross  enough  for  a  week 
to  bite  a  board  nail  off.  Well,  after  Mr.  Clay  got  through 
with  South  Carolina  he  took  them  in  hand.  He  jest  talked  to 
'em  about  five  minutes,  and  they  got  up  and  went  and  shook 
hands  with  each  other,  and  looked  as  loving  as  two  brothers. 

Then  Mr.  Holmes  got  up  and  went  to  Mr.  Clay,  and,  almost 
with  tears  in  his  eyes,  asked  him  if  he  wouldn't  be  so  kind  as 
to  settle  a  little  difficulty  there  was  betwe-en  him  and  his  con- 
stituents, so  they  might  elect  him  to  come  to  Congress  again. 
And  I  believe  some  of  the  other  Senators  asked  for  the  same 
favor. 

So  as  there  is  likely  to  be  peace  now  all  round  the  house 
for  some  time  to  come,  I'm  in  a  kind  of  a  quandary  what 
course  to  steer  this  summer.  The  President  talks  of  taking  a 
journey  Down  East  this  summer,  and  he  wants  me  to  go  with 
him,  because  Pm  acquainted  there,  and  can  show  him  all 
about  it.  He  has  a  great  desire  to  go  as  fur  as  Downingville, 
and  get  acquainted  with  Uncle  Joshua,  who  has  always  stuck 
by  him  in  all  weathers,  through  thick  and  thin. 

The  President  thinks  Uncle  Joshua  is  one  of  the  Republi- 
kan  pillars  of  New  England,  and  says  he  shall  always  have 
the  Post-Office  as  long  as  he  lives,  and  his  children  after  him. 

I  rather  guess,  on  the  whole,  I  shall  come  on  that  way  this 
summer  with  the  President.  But  wherever  I  go  I  shall  re- 
main your  loving  cousin, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


200  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 


LETTER  XXXVIII. 

MAJOR  DOWXIXG  GIVES  THE  RESULT  OP^  A  COXSULTATIOX  AMONG  THE 
GOVERNMENT  ON  THE  QUESTION  WHETHER  THE  PRESIDENT  SHOULD 
SHAKE  HANDS  WITH  THE  FEDERALISTS  DURING  HIS  JOURNEY  DOWN 
EAST. 

Washington  City,  April  20,  1833. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  C owner ^  in  the  Mariners^  Chivrck 
Buildings  second  story,  easte?'n  end,  Fore  street,  away  Down 
East,  in  the  State  of  Maine. 

My  Dear  Old  Friend  : — Bein'  I  liaint  writ  to  you  for  some 
time,  I  am  afraid  you  and  our  folks  up  in  Downingville  will 
begin  to  feel  a  little  uneasy  by  and  by,  so  PU  jest  write  you  a 
little,  if  it  aint  but  two  lines,  to  let  you  know  how  we  get  on 
here.  I  and  the  President  seem  to  enjoy  ourselves  pretty 
well  together,  though  it's  getting  to  be  a  little  lonesome  since 
tlie  Congress  folks  went  off,  and  Sargent  Joel  cleared  out 
with  my  Downingville  company.  Poor  souls,  I  wonder  if 
they  have  got  home  yet.  I  haven't  heard  a  word  from  'em 
since  they  left  here.  I  wish  you  would  send  up  word  to  Sar- 
gent Joel  to  write  to  me  and  let  me  know  how  they  got  along. 
He  can  send  his  letter  in  your  Currier,  or  get  Uncle  Joshua 
to  frank  it — either  way  it  won't  cost  me  anything.  Now  I 
think  of  it,  I  wish  you  would  jest  ask  Cousin  Nabby  to  ask 
Uncle  Joshua  to  frank  me  on  two  or  three  pair  of  stockings, 
for  mine  have  got  terribly  out  at  the  heels.  He  can  do  it  jest 
as  well  as  not ;  they  make  nothing  here  of  franking  a  bushel 
basket  full  of  great  books  to  the  Western  States.  And  they 
say  some  of  the  membeis  of  Congress  frank  their  clothes  home 
by  mail  to  be  washed. 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE,  201 

I  and  the  President  are  getting  ready  to  come  on  that  way 
this  summer.  We  shall  come  as  far  as  Portland,  and  I  expect 
we  shall  go  up  to  Downingville,  for  the  President  says  he 
must  shake  hands  with  Uncle  Joshua  before  he  comes  back — 
that  faithful  old  Republikan,  who  has  stood  by  him  through 
thick  and  thin,  ever  since  he  found  he  was  going  to  be 
elected  President.  He  will  either  go  up  to  Downingville,  or 
send  for  Uncle  Joshua  to  meet  him  at  Portland. 

There  is  some  trouble  among  us  here  a  little,  to  know  how 
we  shall  get  along  among  the  Federalists  when  we  come  that 
way.  They  say  the  Federalists  in  Massachusetts  want  to 
keep  the  President  all  to  themselves  when  he  comes  there. 
But  Mr.  Yan  Buren  says  that'll  never  do  ;  he  must  stick  to  the 
Demokratic  party  ;  he  may  shake  hands  with  a  Federalist 
once  in  a  while  if  the  Demokrats  don't  see  him,  but  whenever 
there's  any  Demokrats  round  he  musn't  look  at  a  Federalist. 
Mr.  McLane  and  Mr.  Livingston  advise  him  t'other  way.  They 
tell  him  he'd  better  treat  the  Federalists  pretty  civil,  and 
shake  hands  with  Mr.  Webster  as  quick  as  he  would  with  Un- 
cle Joshua  Downing.  And  when  they  give  this  advice  Mr. 
Lewis  and  Mr.  Kendle  hop  right  up  as  mad  as  March  hairs, 
and  tell  him  if  he  shakes  hands  with  a  single  Federalist 
while  he  is  gone,  the  Demokratic  party  will  be  ruined.  And 
then  the  President  turns  to  me  and  asks  me  what  he  had  bet- 
ter do.  And  I  tell  him  I  guess  he  better  go  straight  ahead, 
and  keep  a  stiff  upper  lip,  and  shake  hands  with  whoever  he 
is  a  mind  to. 

Mr.  Yan  Buren  staid  with  us  awhile  at  the  President's,  but 
he's  moved  into  a  house  now  on  Pennsylvany  Avenue,  He's 
a  fine,  slick  man,  I  can  tell  you,  and  the  President  says  he's 
the  greatest  man  in  America. 

Your  old  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 
9 


20-2  MY   THIRTY   YEARS 


LETTER  XXSIX. 

MAJOR  DOAVNING  DEFENDS  THE  PRESIDENT  FROM  THE    ASSAULT    OF  LIEr^* 
TENAXT  RANDOLPH,  ON  BOARD  THE  STEAMBOAT  CYGNET. 

Ox  BOARD  THE  STEAMBOAT  Cygnet,  near  the  City  of  ^ 
Alexandria,  down  a  little  ways  below  Wash-  v 
ingtoD,  May  the  6th,  1833.  ) 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  in  the  Mariners'  Church 
Building,  second  story,  eastern  erul,  Fore  street,  avmy  Dovm 
JEast,  in  the  State  of  Maine. 

My  Dear  Old  Friend  :— We've  had  a  kind  of  a  hurly-burly 
time  here  to-day.  I  didn't  know  but  we  should  bust  the  biler 
one  spell  ;  and  some  of  us,  as  it  was,  got  scalding  hot.  You 
see,  I  and  \\\q  President  and  a  few  more  gentlemen  got  into  the 
steamboat  this  morning  to  go  round  into  old  Virginny  to  help 
lay  the  foundation  of  a  monument,  so  they  shouldn't  forget 
who  Washington's  mother  was. 

When  we  got  down  along  to  Alexandria,  the  boat  hauled  up 
to  the  side  of  the  wharf  av/hile  to  let  some  more  folks  get  in, 
and  while  ehe  lay  there,  I  and  the  President  and  a  few  more 
of  'em  sot  in  the  cabin  reading  and  chatting  with  one  another. 
The  President  had  jest  got  through  reading  a  letter  from 
Uncle  Joshua  Downing,  urging  him  very  gtrongly  to  come  up 
us  fur  us  Downingviilc  when  he  comes  on  that  way.  And 
savs  he,  "Major  Downing,  this  Uncle  Joshua  Downing  of 
yours  h  a  real  true  blue  llepublikan  as  I  know  of  anywhere. 
I  wouldn't  miss  seeing  Itim  when  I  go  Down  East  for  anything.'^ 

Says  I,  "Your  honor,  Dov^-ningville  is  the  most  thorough- 
going   Ivopubiikais   bnvn    there    i^    uny where  in  the  eastern 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE. 


2C3 


country  ;  and  you  ought  not  to  come  back  till  you  have  vis- 
ited it."  Jest  as  I  said  that,  there  was  a  stranger  came  into 
the  cabin  and  stept  along  up  to  the  President,  and  begun  to 
pull  oil  his  glove.     I  thought  there  was  some  mischief  bruing, 


for  his  lips  were  kind  of  quivcry,  and  I  didn't  like  the  looks 
of  his  eyes  a  bit.  Bat  llie  President  thought  lie  was  trying 
to  get  his  gloves  off  to  shake  haiids  with  liim,  and  the  good 
old  man  is  al-.v.iys  ready  to  shake  lian  Is  with  a  friend  ;  so  he 


204  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

reached  out  his  hand  to  him  and  smiled,  and  told  him  never  to 
stand  for  the  gloves,  and  the  words  wan't  hardly  out  of  his 
mouth  when  dab  went  one  of  the  fellow's  hands  slap  into  the 
President's  face. 

In  a  moment  I  leveled  my  umbrella  at  the  villain's  head, 
and  came  pesky  near  fetching  him  to  the  floor.  Two  more 
gentlemen  then  clenched  him  by  the  collar  and  had  him  down 
as  quick  as  ever  you  see  a  beef  ox  knocked  down  with  an  ax. 
In  a  minute  a  crowd  was  round  him  thick  as  a  swarm  of  bees. 
But,  my  stars,  I  wish  you  could  have  seen  the  President  jest 
at  that  minute.  If  you  ever  see  a  lion  lying  down  asleep  and 
a  man  come  along  with  a  great  club  and  hit  him  a  polt  with 
all  his  might,  and  then  see  that  lion  spring  on  his  feet,  and 
see  the  fire  flash  in  his  eyes,  and  hear  him  roar  and  gnash  his 
teeth,  you  miglit  guess  what  kind  of  aharrycane  we  had  of  it. 
The  old  gineral  no  sooner  felt  the  fellow's  paw  in  his  face 
than  he  sprung  like  a  steel  trap,  and  catched  his  cane  and 
went  at  him.  But  there  was  such  a  crowd  of  men  there  in  an 
instant,  that  it  was  as  much  impossible  to  get  through  'em  as 
it  was  for  the  British  to  get  through  his  pile  of  cotton  wool 
bags  at  New  Orleans.  If  it  hadn't  been  for  that,  I  think  he 
would  have  kicked  the  feller  through  the  side  of  the  steamboat 
in  two  minutes. 

Ilowever,  somehow  or  other,  the  rascal  got  hussled  out  of 
tlic  boat  on  to  the  wharf,  and  fled.  They  have  sent  some  ofii- 
cers  after  him,  but  where  they  will  overtake  him  nobody 
knows.  I  don't  know  exactly  what  the  trouble  begun  about, 
but  I  believe  Leftenaut  Randolf  (that  was  his  name)  got  ter- 
rible mad  with  the  President  somehow  about  his  commission. 
The  President  has  got  cleverly  cooled  down  again,  and  we 
are  going  on  to  lay  the  foundation  of  the  monument. 
In  haste,  your  old  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  20'5 


LETTER  XL. 

MAJOR  DOWNING  SHAKES  HANDS  FOR  THE    PRESIDENT    AT    PHILADELPHIA, 
WHILE  ON  THE  GRAND  TOUR  DOWN  EAST. 

Philadelphia,  June,  10,  1833. 

To  Uncle  Joshua  Downing,  Postmaster,  ujp  in  Doioningville,  in  the 
State  of  Maine,  with  care  and  speed. 

Dear  Uncle  Joshua  : — We  are  coming  on,  full  chisel.  Pve 
been  tiying,  ever  since  we  started,  to  get  a  chance  to  write  a 
little  to  you  ;  but  when  we've  been  on  the  road  I  couldn't 
catch  my  breath  hardly  long  enough  to  write  my  name,  we 
kept  flying  so  fast  ;  and  when  we  made  any  stop,  there  was 
such  a  jam  round  us  there  wasn't  elbow  room  enough  for  a 
miskeeter  to  turn  round  without  knocking  his  wings  off. 

I'm  most  afraid  now  we  shall  get  to  Downingville  before 
this  letter  does,  so  that  we  shall  be  likely  to  catch  you  all  in 
the  suds  before  you  think  of  it.  But  I  understand  there  is  a 
fast  mail  goes  on  that  way,  and  I  mean  to  send  it  by  that,  so 
I'm  in  hopes  you'll  get  it  time  enough  to  have  the  children's 
faces  washed  and  their  heads  combed,  and  the  gals  get  on 
their  clean  gowns.  And  if  Sargent  Joel  coitld  have  time 
enough  to  call  out  my  old  Downingville  company  and  get 
their  uniforms  brushed  up  a  little,  and  come  down  the  road  as 
fur  as  your  new  barn  to  meet  us,  there's  nothing  that  would 
please  the  President  better.  As  for  victuals,  most  anything 
won't  come  amiss  ;  we  are  as  hungry  as  bears  after  traveling 
a  hundred  miles  a  day.  A  little  fried  pork  and  eggs,  or  a  pot 
of  baked  beans  and  an  Indian  pudding  would  suit  us  much 
better  than  the  soft  stuff  they  give  here  in  these  great  cities. 


206  MY    THIRTY     YEXRS 

The  President  wouldn't  miss  of  seeing  you  for  anything  in 
the  world,  and  he  will  go  to  Downiugville  if  he  has  legs  and 
arms  enough  left  when  he  goes  to  Portland  to  carry  him  theTe. 
But,  for  fear  that  anything  should  happen  that  he  shouldn't  be 
able  to  come,  you  had  better  meet  us  in  Portland,  say  about 
the  22d  ;  and  then  you  can  go  up  to  Downingville  with  us. 

This  traveling  with  the  President  is  capital  fun,  after  all,  if 
it  wasn't  so  plaguy  tiresome.  We  come  into  Baltimore  on  a 
railroad,  and  we  flew  over  the  ground  like  a  harrycane.  There 
isn't  a  horse  in  this  country  that  could  keep  up  with  us,  if  he 
should  go  upon  the  clean  clip.  When  we  got  to  Baltimore, 
the  streets  were  filled  with  folks  as  thick  as  the  spruce  trees 
down  in  your  swamp.  There  we  found  Black  Hawk,  a  little, 
old,  dried  up  Indian  king.  And  I  thought  the  folks  looked  at 
him  and  the  prophet  about  as  much  as  they  did  at  me  and  the 
President.  I  gave  the  President  a  wink  that  this  Indian  fel- 
low was  taking  the  shine  off  us  a  little  ;  so  we  concluded  we 
wouldn't  have  him  with  us  any  more,  but   go  on  without  him. 

I  can't  Slop  to  tell  you,  in  this  letter,  how  we  got  along  to 
Philadelphy,  though  we  had  a  pretty  easy  time  some  of  the 
way  in  the  steamboats.  And  I  can't  stop  to  tell  3'ou  of  half  of 
the  fine  things  I  have  seen  here.  They  took  us  up  into  a  great 
hall  this  morning,  as  big  as  a  meeting-house,  and  then  the 
folks  begun  to  pour  in  by  thousands  to  shake  hands  with  the 
President — Federalists  and  all,  it  made  no  difference.  There 
was  such  a  stream  of  'em  coming  in  that  the  hall  was  full  in 
a  few  minutes,  and  it  was  so  jammed  up  aroand  the  door  that 
they  couldn't  get  out  again  if  they  were  to  die.  So  they  had 
to  knock  out  some  of  the  windows,  and  go  out  t'other  way. 

The  President  shook  hands  with  all  his  might  an  hour  or 
two,  'till  he  got  so  tired  he  couldn't  hardly  stand  it.  I  took 
hold  and  shook  for  him  once  in  a  while  to  help  him  along,  but 
at  last  he  got  so  tired  he  had  to  lay  down  on   a  soft  bench. 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE. 


207 


covered  with  cloth,  and  shake  as  well  as  he  could  ;  and  when 
he  couldn't  shake,  he'd  nod  to  'em  as  they  come  along.  And 
at  last  he  got  so  beat  out,  he  couldn't  only  wrinkle  his  fore- 
head and  wink.  Then  I  kind  of  stood  behind  him,  and  reached 
my  arm  round  under  his,  and  shook  for  him  for  about  half  an 
hour  as  tight  as  I  could  spring.  Then  we  concluded  it  was 
best  to  adjourn  for  to-day. 


MAJOR  DOWNING  SHAKING  HANDS  FOR  THE  GINERAL. 

And  I've  made  out  to  get  away  up  into  the  garret  in  the 
tavern  long  enough  to  write  this  letter.  We  shall  be  off  to- 
morrow or  nest  day  for  York  ;  and  if  I  can  possibly  get 
breathing  time  enough  there,  I  shall  write  to  you  again. 

Give  m}^  love  to  all  the  folks  in  Downingville,  and  believe 
me  your  loving  ncfTu, 

},IAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


208  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 


LETTER  XLL* 

THE  PRESIDEin'  AND  MAJOR  DOWNING  HAVE  A  VERY  NARROW  ESCAPE 
AT  THE  BREAKING  DOWN  OF  THE  CASTLE  GARDEi^  BRIDGE  IN  NEW 
YORK. 

New  York  City,  Friday  Evening,  June  14,  1833. 

To  Uncle  Joshua  Downing,  FostmisUr  up  in  Dow?iingvillc,  State 
of  Maine. 

Dear  Uncle  Joshua  : — Here  we  are,  amongst  an  ocean  of 
folks,  and  cutting  up  capers  as  high  as  a  cat's  back.  I  s'pose 
you  will  see  by  the  papers  how  we  like  to  got  drowned  yester- 


*  EoiTomAL  Note. — Here  we  come  to  an  important  point — an  era  in  the 
Downing  literature,  which  requires  special  notice.  It  was  now  about  three 
years  and  a  half  that  Major  Downing  had  been  serving  and  enlightening  his 
countrymen.  In  all  that  time  his  fame  had  steadily  increased.  His  letters 
were  copied  into  almost  every  paper  all  over  the  land,  and  his  name  was  in 
everybody's  mouth.  Next  to  General  Jackson,  he  w-as  decidedly  the  most 
popular  man  in  the  United  States.  Perhaps  nothing  is  more  calculated  to 
excite  a  feeling  of  envy  than  great  popularity.  The  popular  man  is  like  the 
child  who  holds  a  nice  stick  of  candy  in  his  hand  ;  all  the  children  around 
are  on  tiptoe  to  get  a  nibble.  It  is  not  strange,  therefore,  that  many  in  dif- 
ferent parts  of  the  country,  endeavored  to  get  a  taste  of  Major  Downiug's 
popularity  by  attempting  to  imitate  his  writings. 

But  one  individual,  at  this  time,  made  a  bold  and  systematic  rush  at  the 
Major,  and  attempted  to  strip  his  well-earned  laurels  from  his  brow,  and  en 
twine  them  around  his  own  head.  This  was  a  respectable  merchant,  a  heavy 
iron  dealer  in  New  York.  Violently  seized  with  a  literary  mania,  he  sat 
down  and  wrote  a  Downing  letter,  giving  an  account  cf  the  arrival  of  the 
Presidential  party  in  New  York,  signed  it  with  the  Major's  name,  and  pub- 
lished it  in  the  old  Daily  Advertiser. 

As  the  letter  of  the  genuine  Major,  giving  an  account  of  the  same  affair, 
was  sent  to  his  Uncle  Joshua,  through  the  Portland  Courier,  it  took  several 
days  for  it  to  make  the  journey  Down  East  and  back  again  to  New  York.    In 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  209 

day  crossing  the  bridge  between  the  castle  and  the  garden.f 
It  was  a  pesky  narrow  squeak  for  me  and  the  President. 
He  was  riding  over  on  a  great  fine  boss,  and  I  was  walking 
along  by  the  side  of  him,  and  trying  to  clear  the  way  a  little, 
for  they  crowded  upon  us  so  there  was  no  getting  along,  and 
hardly  a  chance  to  breathe.  When  we  got  under  the  arch, 
we  stopped  a  little  bit  for  the  crowd  to  clear  away,  when  all  at 

the  meaQtirae.  the  letter  of  the  iroa  dealer  made  its  appearance,  with  Major 
Downing's  signature,  and  was  seized  upon  by  the  greedy  multitude,  and 
passed  about  as  the  true  coin.  The  thousands  and  tens  of  thousands  who 
had  been  hurrahing  for  Major  Downing  for  weeks  and  months,  and  some  of 
them  for  years,  of  course  raised  their  voices  again  as  loud  as  ever. 

"  God  bless  me ! "  said  the  iron  merchant  ;  "  why,  I've  electrified  the  world ! 
I  had  no  idea  I  was  such  a  great  writer  before.  I  must  go  into  this  business 
deep  ;  who  cares  for  trade  when  he  can  get  popularity  and  literary  fame  ?-' 

Henceforth  the  merchant  became  a  man  of  letters,  and  the  iron  business 
was  turned  over  to  the  other  members  of  the  firm.  For  months  afterward 
he  earnestly  applied  himself  to  writing  Downing  letters  ;  and  as  he  could 
always  get  them  to  the  New  York  market  before  the  letters  of  the  true 
Mfijor,  who  was  riding  about  with  the  "  Gineral,"  and  sending  his  epistles 
through  the  Portland  Courier,  could  arrive  there,  the  merchant  thought  the 
run  of  the  trade  was  all  in  his  favor.  And  whenever  the  voice  of  public 
applause,  in  all  parts  of  the  country,  pealed  forth  the  name  of  Major  Down- 
ing, "  God  bless  me  !"  said  the  merchant,  "  Don't  you  hear  my  thunder  !" 

Even  to  this  day  it  is  said,  the  New  York  iron  merchant  enjoys  the  secret 
catistVction  of  occasionally  meeting  with  an  individual  so  benighted  in  literary 
history  as  to  look  up  to  him  with  awe  and  admiration,  regarding  him  as  the 
great,  the  distinguished  Major  Downing. 

t  Editorial  Note. — The  Presidential  party  landed  at  Castle  Garden,  the 
ancient,  heavy  old  fort  standing  in  the  harbor,  six  or  eight  rods  from  the 
shore,  at  the  southern  point  of  the  city.  A  bridge  connected  Castle  Garden 
with  the  green  public  park,  called  the  Battery.  The  Major  speaks  of  the 
bridge  "between  the  castle  and  the  garden,"  by  which  it  would  seem  that  he 
supposed  the  old  fort  was  the  castle,  and  the  green  Battery  the  garden.  In  the 
facts  of  the  breaking  down  of  the  bridge,  and  the  narrow  escape  of  some  of 
the  Presidential  party,  the  Major  is  strictly  accurate,  as  he  always  is  on  all 
historical  points.  His  remark  to  the  President,  that  •'•  Mi,  VanBuren  wasu' 
in  the  company,"  when  the  bridge  gave  way,  will  be  explained  by  the  fact 
that  Mr.  Yan  Buren  joined  the  President's  traveling  party  at  New  York. 
9* 


210 


MY   THIRTY    YEARS 


once  I  thought  I  heard  something  crack.  Says  I,  "  Gineral,  you 
better  go  ahead,  I'm  afraid  there's  mischief  bruin'  here."'  At 
that  he  gave  his  boss  a  lick  and  pushed  through  the  crowd  ; 
but  we  hadn't  got  more  than  a  rod,  before  crash  went  the 
bridge  behind  us,  all  down  in  a  heap,  and  two  toll-houses  on 


top  of  it,  and  as  many  as  a  hundred  folks  splashed  into  the 
water,  all  mixed  up  together,  one  top  of  t'other.  The  Presi- 
dent looked  over  his  shoulder,  and  seeing  I  was  safe  behind 
him,  called  out  for  Mr.  Van  Burcn,  and   asked  me  to  run  and 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  211 

see  if  he  was  hurt.  I  told  him  he  had  forgot  himself,  for  Mr. 
Van  Buren  wasn't  in  the  company  ;  but  Mr.  Woodbury  and 
Mr.  Cass  were  in  for  it,  for  I  could  see  them  floundering  about 
in  the  water  now.  "  Run,  Major,"  said  the  President,  "  run 
and  give  them  a  lift.  Take  Mr.  Woodbury  first  ;  you  know  I 
can't  spare  him  at  any  rate." 

So  there  was  a  parcel  of  us  took  hold  and  went  to  hauling 
of  'em  out  of  the  water,  like  so  many  drownded  rats.  But  we 
got  'em  all  out  alive,  except  a  few  young  things  they  called 
dandies  ;  they  looked  so  after  they  got  wet  all  over  that  we 
couldn't  make  out  whether  they  were  alive  or  dead.  So  we 
laid  'em  up  to  dry,  and  left  'em  ;  and  I  went  on  to  help  the 
President  review  the  troops  on  the  Battery,  as  they  call  it  ; 
and  a  grand  place  it  is  tu,  I've  seen  more  fine  shows  here, 
it  seems  to  me,  than  ever  I  see  before  in  my  life.  Such  a 
sight  of  folks,  and  fine  ladies,  and  fine  houses,  and  vessels, 
and  steamboats,  and  flags  a  flying,  and  canons  firing",  and 
fireworks  a  whisking  about,  I  never  see  the  beat  of  it.  I 
didn't  think  there  was  so  much  fun  in  this  world  before,  for 
all  I've  been  about  so  much  at  Madawaska,  and  among  the 
nuUifiers,  and  all  round. 

But  I  can't  tell  you  much  about  it  till  we  get  there,  for  I 
can't  find  any  time  to  write.  I've  only  catched  a  few  minutes 
this  evening,  while  the  President  is  gone  into  Mr.  Niblo's  gar- 
den. One  of  the  master  sights  that  I've  seen  yet  was  that 
balloon  .that  went  up  this  afternoon,  carrying  a  man  with  it. 

All  these  sights  keep  us  back  a  little  longer  than  we  ex- 
pected. I  don't  think  now  we  shall  be  in  Portand  before  the 
28th  or  29th  of  this  month.  So  I  thought  I'd  jest  write  you  a 
line  that  you  might  be  down  there  about  that  time. 

In  haste,  your  loving  nefFu, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


212  MY    TIlirvTY    YEARS 


LETTER  XLII  * 

MAJOR  DOWNING  DESCRIBES  THE  VISIT  OF  THE  PRESIDENT  AT  BOSTON, 
AND  ALSO  COMPLAINS  OF  THE  RASCALLY  COUNTERFEITERS  THAT 
WRITE  LETTERS  IN  HIS  NAME  FOR  THE    NEWSPAPERS. 

Boston,  Tuesday,  June  25,  1833. 
To  the,  Editor  of  the,  Portland  Courier. 

My  Dear  Old  Friend  : — I'm  keeping  house  with  the  Presi- 
dent to-day,  and  bein'  he's  getting  considerable  better,  I 
thought  I'd  catch  a  chance  when  he  was  taking  a  knap,  and 
write  a  little  to  let  you  know  how  we  get  along.  This  ere 
sickness  of  the  President  has  been  a  bad  pull-back  to  us.  He 
hasn't  been  able  to  go  out  since  Sunday  afternoon,  and  I've 
been  watchin'  with  him  this  two  nights,  and  if  I  wasn't  as 
tough  as  a  halter,  I  should  be  half  dead  by  this  time. 

And  if  the  President  wan't  tougher  than  a  catamount,  he'd 
kick  the  bucket  before  he'd  been  round  to  see  one  half  the 
notions  there  is  in  Boston.  Poor  man,  he  has  a  hard  time  cf 
it  ;  you've  no  idea  how  much  he  has  to  go  through.  It's  worse 
than  being  dragged  through  forty  knot-holes. 

To  be  bamboozled  about  from  four  o'clock  in  the  morning 
till  midnight,  rain  or  shine — jammed  into  one  great  house  to 
eat  a  breakfast,  and  into  another  great  house  to  eat  a 
dinner,  and  into  another  to  eat  supper,  and  into  two  or  three 
others  between  meals,  to  eat  cooliations,  and  to  have  to 
go  out  and  review  three  or  four  regiments  of  troops,  and  then 
to  be  jammed  into  Funnel  Hall  two  hours,   and  shake  hands 


*  Editorial  Note. — It  will  be  recollected  that  the  President,  while  iu  Bos- 
ton, was  for  a  few  days  seriou?ly  ill. 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  213 

with  three  or  four  thousand  folks,  and  then  to  go  into  the 
State  House  and  stand  there  two  or  three  hours,  and  see  all 
Boston  streaming-  through  it  like  a  river  through  a  saw-mill, 
and  then  to  ride  about  the  city  awile  in  a  fine  painted  covered 
wagon,  with  four  or  five  horses  to  draw  it,  and  then  ride 
awhile  in  one  without  any  cover  to  it,  finney-fined  off"  to  the 
top  notch,  and  then  get  on  to  the  horses  and  ride  awhile  a 
horseback,  and  then  run  into  a  great  picture-room  and  see 
more  fine  pictures  than  you  could  shake  a  stick  at  in  a  week, 
and  then  go  into  some  grand  gentleman's  house,  and  shake 
hands  a  half  an  hour  with  a  flock  of  ladies,  and  then  after  sup- 
per go  and  have  a  little  still  kind  of  a  hubbub  all  alone  with 
three  or  four  hundred  particular  friends,  and  talk  an  hour  or 
two,  and  take  another  cooliation,  and  then  go  home,  and  about 
midnight  get  ready  to  go  to  bed,  and  up  again  at  four  o'clock 
the  next  morning  and  at  it.  And  if  this  aint  enough  to  tucker 
a  feller  out,  I  don't  know  what  is.  The  President  wouldn't 
have  stood  it  till  this  time,  if  he  hadn't  sent  me  and  Mr.  Yan 
Buren  to  some  of  the  parties,  while  he  staid  at  home  to  rest 

The  President's  got  so  much  better,  I  think  we  shall  be  able 
to  start  for  Salem  to-morrow,  for  we  must  go  through  with  it 
now  we've  begun,  as  hard  work  as  'tis.  I  think  we  shall  get  to 
Portland  about  the  4th  of  July  ;  so,  if  you  get  your  guns  and 
things  all  ready,  you  can  kill  two  birds  with  one  stone.  I  hope 
you'll  be  pretty  careful  there  how  you  point  your  guns.  They 
pointed  'em  so  careless  at  New  York  that  a  wad  come  within 
six  inches  of  making  daylight  shine  through  the  President. 

Now  I  think  on't,  there  is  the  most  rascally  set  of  fellers 
skulking  about  somewhere  in  this  part  of  the  country  that 
ever  I  heard  of,  and  I  wish  you  would  blow  'em  up.  They  are 
worse  than  the  pickpockets.  I  mean  them  are  fellers  that's 
got  to  writing  letters  and  putting  my  name  to  'em,  and  send- 
ing of  'em  to  the  printers.     And  I  heard  there  was  one  sassy 


214  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

feller  last  Saturday,  down  to  Xewburyport,  that  got  ou  to  a 
horse,  and  rid  about  town  calling  himself  Major  Jack  Down- 
ing, and  all  the  soldiers  and  the  folks  marched  up  and  shook 
hands  with  him,  and  thought  it  was  me.  Isn't  it  Mr.  Shakes- 
peare that  says  something  about  "  he  that  steals  my  munny- 
pus  steals  trash,  but  he  that  steals  my  name  ought  to  have  his 
head  broke  ?"     I  wish  you  would  find  that  story  and  print  it. 

Your  old  friend,  MAJOE  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XLIII. 

THE  PRESIDENT  AND  THE  REST  OF  'eM    TURN  A    SHORT    CORNTER    AT    CON 
CORD,  AND  SET  THEIR  FACES  TOWARD  WASHINGTON. 

Concord,  Nu  Hamsheer,  June  30,  1833. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland   Courier. 

My  Dear  Old  Friend  : — The  jig  is  all  up  about  our  going  to 
Portland  and  Downingville.  IVe  battled  the  v/atch  with  the 
President  this  two  days  about  it,  and  told  him  he  must  go 
there  if  he  had  the  breath  of  life  in  him  ;  and  he  kept  telling 
me  he  certainly  would,  if  horses  could  carry  him  there. 

But  the  President  isn't  very  well,  and  that  aint  the  worst 
of  it  ;  there's  been  a  little  difficulty  bruin'  among  us,  and  the 
President's  got  so  riled  about  it,  that  he's  finally  concluded  to 
start  on  his  w^ay  back  to-morrow.  I  can't  help  it  ;  but  I  feel 
bad  enough  about  it  to  cry  a  br>ATel  of  tears. 

I  don't  know  how  they  will  stan'  it  in  Downingville,  v/hen 
they  come  to  get  the  news.  I'm  afraid  there  will  be  a  master 
uproar  there,  for  you  know  they  are  all  great  Demokrats. 
But  the  stage  is  jest  agoing  to  start. 

In  haste,  from  your  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


OCT    OF    THE    SENATE.  215 


LETTER  ILIV. 

COUSIN      NABBY     DESCRIBES      THE    UNUTTERABLE    DISAPPOINTMENT      AT 
DOWNINGVILLE  BECAUSE  THE    PRESIDENT   DIDN't    COME,    AND    TELLS 

WHAT  A  TERRIBLE  PUCKER  ANT  KEZIAH    WAS   IN    ABOUT    IT GREAT 

UPROAR  IN  DOWNINGVILLE. 

DowNiNGviLLE,  July  8,  1833. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier. 

Respectable  Sir  : — As  Cousin  Jack  is  always  so  mity  budge 
in  writing  letters  to  you,  and  as  he  and  the  President  showed 
us  a  most  provoking  trick,  and  run  off  like  a  stream  of  chalk, 
back  to  Washington,  without  coming  here,  after  they  had 
promised  over  and  over  again  that  they  would  come,  and  w€ 
had  got  all  slicked  up  and  our  clean  gownds  on,  and  more  good 
victuals  cooked  than  there  ever  was  in  all  Dowuingville  be 
fore — I  say,  Mr.  Editor,  I  declare  it's  too  bad  ;  we  are  all  at 
mad  as  blazes  about  it,  and  I  mean  to  write  and  tell  you  ah 
about  it,  if  I  live  ;  and  if  Cousin  Jack  don't  like  it,  he  maj 
lump  it ;  so  there  now. 

Ye  see  Cousin  Jack  writ  to  us  that  he  and  the  Presidem 
and  some  more  gentlemen  should  be  here  the  4th  of  Jul^^  and 
we  must  spring  to  it  and  brush  up  and  see  how  smart  wc 
could  look,  and  how  many  fine  things  we  could  show  to 
the  President.  This  was  a  Saturday  before  the  4th  of  July 
come  a  Thursday.  The  letter  was  to  Uncle  Joshua,  the  Post- 
master. Most  all  the  folks  in  Dowuingville  were  at  the  Post- 
Office  waiting  when  the  mail  come  iu,  for  we  expected  to  hear 
from  Jack. 

Uncle  Joshua  put  on  his  spettacles  and   opened  the  mail, 


216  MY    THIRTY    YEAK3 

and  hauled  out  the  papers  and  letters  in  a  bunch.  In  a  min- 
ute I  see  one  to  Uncle  Joshua  with  the  President's  name  on 
the  outside  ;  so  I  knew  it  was  from  Jack,  for  the  President  al- 
ways puts  his  name  on  Jack's  letters.  We  all  cried  out 
to  Uncle  Joshua  to  open  it,  and  let  us  know  what  was  in  it. 
But  he's  such  a  provoking  odd  old  man,  he  wouldn't  touch  it 
^till  he  got  every  one  of  the  papers  and  letters  sorted  and  put  up 
in  their  places.  And  then  he  took  it  and  set  down  in  his  arm- 
chair, and  took  out  his  tobacker  box  and  took  a  chaw  of  to- 
backer,  and  then  he  broke  open  the  seal  and  sot  and  chawed 
and  read  to  himself.  We  all  stood  tiptoe,  with  our  hearts  in 
our  mouths,  and  he  must  needs  read  it  over  to  himself  three 
times,  chawing  his  old  quid,  and  once  in  a  while  giving  us  a 
knowing  wink,  before  he  would  tell  us  what  was  in  it.  And 
he  wouldn't  tell  us  arter  all,  but,  says  he,  "  You  must  all  be 
ready  to  put  the  best  side  out  Thursday  morning  ;  there'll  be 
business  to  attend  to,  such  as  Downingville  never  see  before." 
At  that  we  all  turned  and  run,  and  such  a  hubbub  as  we 
were  in  from  that  time  'till  Thursday  morning,  I  guess  yo-u 
never  see.  Such  a  washing  and  scrubbing,  and  making  new 
clothes  and  mending  old  ones,  and  baking  and  cooking.  Every 
thing  seemed  to  be  in  a  clutter  all  over  the  neighborhood. 
Sargent  Joel  flew  round  like  a  ravin'  distracted  rooster.  He 
called  out  his  company  every  morning  before  sunrise,  and 
marched  'em  up  and  down  the  road  three  hours  every  day. 
He  sent  to  the  store  and  got  a  whole  new  set  of  buttons,  and 
had  'em  sowed  on  to  his  regimental  coat,  and  had  a  new  piece 
of  red  put  round  the  collar.  Aj;id  had  his  trowses  washed  and 
his  boots  greased,  and  looked  as  though  he  might  take  the 
shine  off  of  most  anything.  But  the  greatest  rumpus  was  at 
Uncle  Joshua's  ;  for  they  said  the  President  must  stay  there 
all  night.  And  Ant  Keziah  was  in  such  a  pucker  to  have 
everything  nice,  I  didn't  know  but  she  would  fly  off  the  handle. 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  217 

She  had  every  part  of  the  house  washed  from  garret  to  cel- 
lar, and  the  floors  all  sanded,  and  a  bunch  of  green  bushes 
put  into  all  the  fire  places.  And  she  baked  three  ovens-full  of 
dried  punkin  pies,  besides  a  few  dried  huckleberry  pies,  and 
cake,  and  a  great  pot  of  pork  and  beans.  But  the  worst 
trouble  was  to  fix  up  the  bed  so  as  to  look  nice  ;  for  Ant  Ke- 
ziah  declared  the  President  should  have  as  good  a  night's 
lodging  in  her  house  as  he  had  in  New  York  or  Boston.  So 
she  put  on  two  feather  beds  on  top  the  straw  bed,  and  a  bran- 
new  calico  quilt  that  she  made  the  first  summer  after  she  was 
married,  and  never  put  it  on  a  bed  before.  And  to  make  it 
look  as  nice  as  the  New  York  beds,  she  took  her  red  silk 
gown  and  ripped  it  up  and  made  a  blanket  to  spread  over  the 
top.  And  then  she  hung  up  some  sheets  all  round  the  bed* 
room,  and  the  gals  brought  in  a  whole  handful  of  roses  and 
pinks,  and  pinned  'em  up  round  as  thick  as  flies  in  August. 

After  we  got  things  pretty  much  fixed,  Uncle  Joshua  start- 
ed off  to  meet  Cousin  Jaok  and  the  President,  and  left  Sargent 
Joel  to  put  matters  to  rights,  and  told  us  we  must  all  be  ready 
and  be  paraded  in  the  road  by  nine  o'clock  Thursday  morning. 
Well,  Tliursday  morning  come,  and  we  all  mustered  as  soon  as 
it  was  daylight  and  dressed  up.  The  children  were  all  washed, 
and  had  their  clean  aprons  on  and  their  heads  combed,  and 
were  put  under  the  care  of  the  schoolmarm,  to  be  paraded 
along  with  her  scholars. 

About  eight  o'clock,  all  the  village  got  together  down  the 
road  as  fur  as  Uncle  Joshua's  new  barn  ;  and  Sargent  Joel 
told  us  how  to  stand,  as  he  said,  in  military  order.  He  placed 
Bill  Johnson  and  Cousin  Ephraim  out  a  little  ways  in  front, 
with  each  of  'em  a  great  long  fowling  piece  with  a  smart 
charge  in  to  fire  a  salute,  and  told  'em  as  soon  as  the  Presi- 
dent hove  in  sight  to  let  drive,  only  to  be  careful  and  pint 
their  guns  up,  so  as  not  to  hurt  anybody.  Then  come  Sargent 


218  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

Joel  and  his  company  ;  and  then  come  the  schoolmarm  and 
the  children  ;  and  then  come  all  the  women  and  gals  over 
sixteen  with  Ant  Keziah  at  their  head  ;  and  then  come  all  the 
men  in  town  that  owned  horses  riding  on  horseback  ;  and 
all  the  boys  that  Sargent  Joel  didn't  think  was  large  enough 
to  walk  in  the  procession  got  up  and  sot  on  the  fences  along 
by  the  side  of  the  road. 

There  we  stood  'till  about  nine  o'clock,  when,  sure  enough, 
we  saw  somebody  come  riding  out  of  the  woods  down  the 
hill.  The  boys  all  screamed,  ready  to  split  their  throats, 
"  Hoorah  for  Jackson,"  and  Bill  Johnson  fired  off  his  gun. 
Cousin  Ephraim,  who  aint  so  easily  fluttered,  held  on  to  his 
and  didn't  fire,  for  he  couldn't  see  anybody  but  Uncle  Joshua 
on  his  old  gray  horse.  Along  come  Uncle  Joshua,  on  a  slow 
trot,  and  we  looked  and  looked^  and  couldn't  see  anybody 
coming  behind  him. 

Then  they  all  begun  to  look  at  one  another  as  wild  as 
hawks,  and  turn  all  manner  of  colors.  When  Uncle  Joshua 
got  up  so  we  could  see  him  pretty  plain,  he  looked' as  cross  as 
a  thunder-cloud.  He  rid  up  to  Sargent  Joel ,  and  says  he, 
"  You  may  all  go  home  about  your  business,  for  Jack  and  the 
President  are  half  way  to  Washington  by  this  time." 

My  stars  !  what  a  time  there  was  then.  I  never  see  so 
many  folks  boiling  over  mad  before.  Bill  Johnson  threw  his 
gun  over  into  the  field  as  much  as  ten  rods,  and  hopped  up 
and  down,  and  struck  his  fists  together  like  all  possessed. 
Sargent  Joel  marched  back  and  forth  across  the  road  two  or 
three  times,  growing  redder  and  redder,  till  at  last  he  drew 
out  his  sword  and  fetched  a  blow  across  a  hemlock  stump,  and 
snapped  it  off  like  a  pipe-stem.  Ant  Keziah  fell  down  in  a 
conniption  fit  ;  and  it  was  an  hour  before  we  could  bring  her 
tu  and  get  her  into  the  house.  And  when  she  come  to  go 
round  the  house  and  see  the  victuals  she  had  cooked  up.  and 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE. 


219 


go  into  the  bedrooDi  and  see  her  gown  all  cut  up,  she  went 
into  conniption  fits  again.  But  she's  better  to-day,  and  has 
gone  to  work  to  try  to   patch  up  her  gown  again. 

I  thought  I  would  jest  let  you  know  about  these  things, 
and  if  you  are  a  mind  to  send  word  on  to  Cousin  Jack  and  the 


THE  DISAPPOINTMENT  AND  UPROAR  IN  DOWNINGVILLE 


President,  I'm  willing.  You  may  tell  'em  there  aint  five  folks 
in  Downingville  that  would  hoorah  for  Jackson  now,  and 
hardly  one  that  would  vote  for  him,  unless  'tis  Uncle  Joshua, 
and  he  wouldn't  if  he  wasn't  afraid  of  losing   the   Post-Office. 

Your  respected  friend, 

NABBY  DOWNING. 


220  MV    THIRTY    YEARS 

DOCKYMENT. 

NOMINATION  FOR  THE  PRESIDENCY. 

From  the  National  Intelligencer, 

We  do  not  know  whether  it  be  necessary,  in  copying  the 
subjoined  effusion,  to  enter  into  a  protest  against  misinterpre- 
tation of  our  motives.  We  should  be  sorry  to  be  understood, 
while  humoring  a  jest,  as  meaning  to  burlesque  so  serious  an 
action  as  the  choice  of  President  of  the  United  States.  We 
copy  the  following  for  the  sake  of  its  moral,  as  well  as  its  wit, 
and  we  do  not  like  the  moral  the  less  for  being  taught  with  a 
smiling  countenance : 

From  the  Mauch  Chunk  {Pa,.)  Courier. 

OUR  NEXT  PRESIDENT. 

Many  of  the  papers  in  the  United  States  have  already  man- 
ifested a  disposition  to  agitate  the  subject  of  the  next  Presi- 
dency, and  several  distinguished  individuals  have  been  infor- 
mally named  for  that  ofi&ce,  among  whom  are  Mr.  Van  Buren, 
Mr.  M'Lean,  Mr.  Cass,  Mr.  Clay  and  Mr.  Webster.  As  we  are 
opposed  to  a  premature  discussion  of  this  ticklish  question,  we 
have  not  hitherto  committed  ourself  in  favor  of  either  of  these 
individuals.  Indeed,  we  haye  considered  it  very  imprudent, 
in  these  times,  for  any  one  who  wishes  to  be  an  orthodox  pol- 
itician, to  "  come  out"  for  anybody  until  he  can  ascertain  who 
will  be  most  likely  to  succeed.  Accordingly,  we  have  stood 
upon  our  "reserved  rights  "  of  neutrality,  to  watch  the  signs 
of  the  times,  and  see  who  would  probably  be  the  most  pr.jpular 
candidate.  Recent  indications  have  satisfactorily  convinced 
us  on  that  point,  and  as  we  wished  to  be  considered  among 
the  "  originals  " — the  real  Simon  Furcs — we  would  lose  no 
time  in  nominating,  for  President, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING,  of  Downingville. 


OUT    OP   THE    SEXATE.  221 

In  recommending  this  distinguished  personage  to  our  fellow 
citizens,  it  will  be  scarcely  necessary  to  enumerate  his  various 
claims  to  their  suffrages.  Suffice  it  to  say,  his  military 
renown,  his  valuable  public  services  in  assisting  President 
Jackson  to  put  down  the  nullifiers,  especially  in  shaking 
hands  with  the  Yankees  "  Down  East,"  and  last,  though  not 
least,  the  fidelity  with  which  he  and  his  Uncle  Joshua  stuck  to 
the  old  hero  after  he  found  he  was  going  to  be  President,  emi- 
nently qualify  him  for  that  exalted  station. 


LETTER  XLV. 

MAJOR   DOWNING  TELLS   ABOUT    GOING  TO  CAMBRIDGE    AND    MAKING  THE 

president  a  doctor  of  laws. 

On  Board  the  Steamboat, 
Going  from  Providence  to  York,  July  2,  1833.  ( 

To  my  old  friend,  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  in  the  Mari- 
ners^ Church  Building,  second  story,  eastern  end,  Fore  sired, 
aivay  Down  East,  in  the  State  of  Maine. 

My  Dear  Friend  :— We  are  driving  back  again  full  chisel, 
as  fast  as  we  come  on  when  we  were  on  the  railroad  between 
Washington  and  Baltimore.  And  we've  been  drivin'  so  fast 
on  a  round  turn  in  all  the  places  we've  been,  and  have  had  so 
much  shaking  hands,  and  eating  and  one  thing  another  to  do, 
that  I  couldn't  get  time  to  write  to  you  at  half  the  places  where 
I  wanted  to,  so  I  thought  Pd  set  down  now,  while  the  Presi- 
dent's laid  down  to  rest  him  awhile,  and  tell  you  something 
about  Cambridge  and  Lowell.  Ye  see  when  we  were  at  Bos- 
ton they  sent  word  to  us  to  come  out  to  Cambridge,  for  they 
wanted  to  make  the  President  a  doctor  of  laws.  What  upon 
airth  a  doctor  of  laws  was,  or  why  they  wanted  to   make  the 


222  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

President  one,  I  couldn't  think.  So  when  "we  come  to  go  up 
to  bed  I  asked  the  Gineral  about  it.  And  says  I,  "  Gineral, 
what  is  it  they  want  to  do  to  you  out  to  Cambridge  ?" 
Says  he,  "  They  want  to  make  a  doctor  of  laws  of  me." 
"  Well,"  says  I,  "  but  what  good  will  that  do  ?"  "  Why," 
says  he,  "  you  know,  Major  Downing,  there's  a  pesky  many 
of  them  are  laws  passed  by  Congress,  that  are  rickety 
things.  Some  of  'em  have  very  poor  constitutions,  and 
some  of  'em  haven't  no  constitution  at  all.  So  that  it  is 
necessary  to  have  somebody  there  to  doctor  'em  up  a  little 
and  not  let  'em  go  out  into  the  world,  where  they  would  stand 
a  chance  to  catch  cold  and  be  sick,  without  they  had  good 
constitutions  to  bear  it.  You  know,"  says  he,  "  I've  had  to 
doctor  the  laws  considerable  ever  since  I've  been  at  Wash- 
ington, although  I  wasn't  a  regular  bred  doctor.  And  I  made 
out  so  well  about  it,  that  these  Cambridge  folks  think  I  bet- 
ter be  made  into  a  regular  doctor  at  once,  and  then  there'll  be 
no  grumbling  and  disputing  about  my  practice."  Says  he, 
"Major,  what  do  you  think  of  it?"  I  told  him  I  thought 
it  an  excellent  plan  ;  and  asked  him  if  he  didn't  think  they 
would  be  willing,  bein'  I'd  been  round  in  the  military  business 
considerable  for  a  year  or  two  past,  to  make  me  a  doctor  of 
war.  He  said  he  didn't  know,  but  he  thought  it  would  be  no 
harm  to  try  'em.  "But,"  says  he,  "  Major,  I  feel  a  little  kind 
of  streaked  about  it,  after  all  ;  for  they  say  they  will  go  to 
talking  to  me  in  Latin,  and  although  I  studied  it  a  little  once, 
I  don't  know  any  more  about  it  now  than  the  man  in  the 
moon.  And  how  I  can  get  along  in  that  case,  I  don't  know." 
I  told  him  my  way,  when  anybody  talked  to  me  in  a  lingo 
that  I  didn't  understand,  was  jest  to  say  nothing,  but  look  as 
knovvnng  as  any  of  'em,  and  then  they  ginerally  thought  I 
knew  a  pesky  sight  more  than  any  of  'em.  At  that  the  Gineral 
fetched  me  a  slap  on  my  shoulder,  a?id   haw-liawcd   riglit  out. 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  223 

Says  he,  "  Major  Downing",  you  are  the  boy  for  me  ;  I  don't 
know  how  I  should  get  along  in  this  world  if  it  wasn't  for  you." 

So  when  we  got  ready  we  went  right  to  Cambridge  as  bold 
as  could  be.  And  that  are  Cambridge  is  a  real  pretty  place  ; 
it  seems  to  me  I  should  like  to  live  in  them  colbiges  as  well 
as  any  place  I've  seen.  We  went  ir^to  the  libry,  and  I  guess 
I  stared  a  little,  for  I  didn't  think  before  there  was  half  so 
many  books  in  the  world.  I  should  think  there  was  near 
about  enough  to  fill  a  meetin'-house.  I  don't  believe  they 
was  ever  all  read,  or  ever  will  be  to  all  ages. 

When  we  come  to  go  in  to  be  made  doctors  of,  there  was  a 
terrible  crowding  around  ;  but  they  give  us  a  good  place, 
and  sure  enough,  they  did  begin  to  talk  in  Latin  or  some 
other  gibberish ;  but  whether  they  Vv-ere  talking  to  the 
Gineral,  or  who  'twas,  I  couldn't  tell.  I  guess  the  Gincral 
was  a  little  puzzled.  But  he  never  said  a  word,  only  once  in 
a  while  bowed  a  little.  And  I  s'pose  he  happened  sometimes 
to  put  the  bows  in  the  wrong  place,  for  I  could  see  some  of 
the  sassy  students  look  up  one  side  once  in  a  while,  and 
snicker  out  of  one  corner  of  their  mouths.  Howsomever,  the 
Gineral  stood  it  out  like  a  hero,  and  got  through  very  well. 
And  when  'twas  over,  I  stept  up  to  Mr.  Quincy  and  asked 
him  if  he  wouldn't  be  so  good  as  to  make  me  a  doctor  of 
war,  and  hinted  to  him  a  little  about  my  services  down  to 
Madawaska  and  among  the  nuUifiers.  At  that  he  made  me  a 
very  polite  bow,  and  says  he,  "  Major  Downing,  we  should 
be  very  happy  to  oblige  you  if  we  could,  but  v/e  never  give 
any  degrees  of  war  here  :  all  our  degrees  are  degrees  of 
peace."  So  I  find  I  shall  have  to  practice  v/ar  in  the  natural 
way — let  nullification  or  what  will  come.  After  'twas  all 
over,  we  went  to  Mr.  Quincy's  and  had  a  capital  dinner. 
And,  on  the  whole,  had  about  as  good  a  visit  to  Cambridge  as 
most  anywhere. 


224  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

I  meant  to  a  told  yoa  considerable  about  Lowell,  but  the 
steamboat  goes  so  fast  I  shan't  have  time  to.  We  went  all 
over  the  factories,  and  thc^re  ! — I  wont  try  to  say  one  word 
about  'em,  for  I've  been  filled  with  such  a  wonderment  ever 
since  that  my  ideas  are  all  as  big  as  hay-stacks,  and  if  I 
should  try  to  get  one  of  ^em  out  of  my  head,  it  would  tear  it 
all  to  pieces.  It  beat  all  that  ever  I  heard  of  before,  and  the 
Gineral  said  it  beat  all  that  ever  he  heard  of.  But  what  made 
the  Gineral  hold  his  head  up,  and  feel  more  like  a  soldier  than 
he  had  before  since  he  was  at  New  Orleans,  was  when  we 
marched  along  the  street  by  them  are  five  thousand  gals,  all 
dressed  up,  and  looking  as  pretty  as  a  million  of  butterflies. 
The  Gineral  marched  along  as  light  as  a  boy,  and  seems  to 
me  I  never  see  his  eyes  shine  so  bright  afore.  After  we  got 
along  to  about  the  middle  of  'em,  he  whispered  to  me,  and 
says  he,  "  Major  Downing,  is  your  Cousin  Nabby  here  among 
'em  ?  If  she  is,  I  must  be  introduced  to  her."  1  told  him  she 
was  not  ;  as  they  were  expecting  us  to  come  to  Downiugville, 
she  staid  to  home  to  help  get  ready.  "  Well,"  says  he,  "  if 
any  thing  should  happen  that  we  can't  go  to  Downiugville, 
you  must  send  for  your  Cousin  Nabby  and  Uncle  Joshua  to 
come  on  to  Washington  to  see  me.  I  will  bear  all  the  ex- 
penses, if  they  will  only  come,"  says  he.  "These  Northern 
gals  are  as  much  afore  our  Southern  and  Western  gals  as  can 
be,  and  I've  thought  of  yeur  Cousin  Nabby  a  great  deal 
lately."  He  looked  as  though  he  was  going  to  say  something 
more,  but  Mr.  Yan  Buren  and  the  rest  of  'em  crowded  along 
up  so  near  that  it  broke  it  off,  and  we  had  to  go  along. 

I  see  we've  got  most  to  York,  and  shall  have  to  go  ashore 
in  a  few  minutes,  so  I  can't  write  any  more  now,  but  remain 

Your  sincere  and  loving  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  225 


LETTER  XLVI. 

MAJOR  DOWNING  TELLS  ABOUT  THE  QUARKEL  THAT  HE  AND  MR.  VAN 
BUREN  HAD  AT  CONCORD  AFTER  THET  WENT  UP  CHAMBER  TO  BED  J 
AND  ALSO  DECLARES  HIS  INTENTION  TO  RUN  FOR  THE  PRESIDENCY. 

Washington  City,  July  20,  1833. 

To  my  old  friend,  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  away  Down 

East,  in  the  State  of  Maine. 

My  Dear  Old  Friend  :— I  don't  know  but  you  might  think 
strange  on't,  that  I  should  be  back  here  to  Washington  more 
than  a  fortnight,  and  not  write  to  you.  But  I  hant  forgot 
you.  You  needn't  never  be  afraid  of  that.  We  aint  very  apt 
to  forget  our  best  friends  ;  and  you  may  depend  upon  it.  Jack 
Downing  will  never  forget  the  editor  of  the  Portland  Courier 
any  more  than  Andrew  Jackson  will  forget  Jack  Downing. 
You  was  the  first  person  that  ever  give  me  a  lift  into  public 
life,  and  you've  been  a  boosting  me  along  ever  since.  And 
jest  between  you  and  me,  I  think  I'm  getting  into  a  way  now 
where  I  shall  be  able,  by  and  by,  to  do  something  to  pay  you 
for  it.  The  reason  that  I  haven't  writ  to  you  before  is,  that 
we  have  had  pretty  serious  business  to  attend  to  since  we  got 
back.  But  we've  jest  got  through  with  it,  and  Mr.  Van  Buren 
has  cleared  out  and  gone  back  about  the  quickest  to  New 
York,  and  I  guess  with  a  flea  in  his  ear.  Now,  jest  between 
you  and  me,  in  confidence,  I'll  tell  you  how  'tis  ;  but,  pray, 
don't  let  on  about  it  to  anybody  else  for  the  world.  Didn't 
you  think  plaguy  strange  what  made  us  cut  back  so  quick 
from  Concord,  without  going  to  Portland,  or  Portsmouth,  or 
Downingville  ?  You  know  the  papers  have  said  it  was  be- 
cause the  President  want  very  well,  and  the  President  had  to 
10 


226  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

make  that  excuso  himself,  in  some  of  his  letters  ;  but  it  was 
no  such  thing.  The  President  could  a  marched  on  foot  twenty 
miles  a  day  then  ;  and  only  let  him  been  at  the  head  of  my 
Downingville  company,  and  he'd  make  a  whole  British  regi- 
ment  scamper  like  a  flock  of  sheep. 

But  you  see  the  trouble  on't  was,  there  was  some  diflBculty 
between  I  and  Mr.  Van  Buren.  Some  how  or  other,  Mr.  Van 
Bured  always  looked  kind  of  jealous  at  me  all  the  time  after 
he  met  us  at  New  York  ;  and  I  couldn't  help  minding  every 
time  the  folks  hoUored,  "  Hoorah  for  Major  Downing  !"  he 
would  turn  as  red  as  a  blaze  of  fire.  And  wherever  we  stop- 
ped to  take  a  bite,  or  to  have  a  chat,  he  would  always  work 
it,  if  he  could,  somehow  or  other,  so  as  to  crowd  in  between 
me  and  the  President.  Well,  ye  see,  I  wouldn't  mind  much 
about  it,  but  would  jest  step  round  t'other  side.  And  though 
I  say  it  myself,  the  folks  would  look  at  me,  let  me  be  on 
which  side  I  would  ;  and  after  they'd  cried  "  Hoorah  for  the 
President,"  they'd  most  always  sing  out,  "  Hoorah  for  Major 
Downing."  Mr.  Van  Buren  kept  growing  more  and  more 
fidgety  till  we  got  to  Concord  ;  and  there  we  had  a  room  full 
cf  sturdy  old  Democrats  of  New  Hampshire  ;  and  after  they 
had  all  flocked  round  the  old  President  and  shook  hands  with 
him,  he  happened  to  introduce  me  to  some  of  'em  before  he  did 
Mr.  Van  Buren.  At  that  the  fat  was  all  in  the  fire.  Mr,  Van 
Buren  wheeled  about  and  marched  out  of  the  room,  looking  as 
though  he  could  bite  a  board  nail  off.  The  President  had  to 
send  to  him  three  times  before  he  could  get  him  back  into  the 
room  again.  And  when  he  did  come  in,  he  didn't  speak  to  me 
fur  the  whole  evening.  However,  we  kept  it  from  the  com- 
pany pretty  much  ;  but  when  we  come  to  go  up  to  bed  that 
night,  we  had  a  real  quarrel.  It  was  nothing  but  jaw,  jaw, 
the  whole  night.  Mr.  Woodbury  and  Mr.  Cass  tried  to  pacify 
us  all  they  could,  but  it  was  all  in  vain— we  didn't  one  of  us 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  227 

get  a  wink  of  sleep,  and  shouldn't  if  the  night  had  lasted  a 
fortnight.  Mr.  Van  Buren  said  the  President  had  dishonored 
the  country,  by  placing  a  military  major  on  half  pay  before 
the  second  officer  of  the  Government.  The  President  begged 
him  to  consider  that  I  was  a  very  particular  friend  of  his  ; 
that  I  had  been  a  great  help  to  him  at  both  ends  of  the  coun- 
try ;  that  I  had  kept  the  British  out  of  Madawaska,  away 
down  in  Maine,  and  had  marched  my  company  clear  from 
Downingville  to  Washington,  on  my  way  to  South  Carolina, 
to  put  down  the  nullifiers  ;  and  he  thought  I  was  entitled  to 
as  much  respect  as  any  man  in  the  country. 

This  nettled  Mr.  Van  Buren  pcskily.  He  said  he  thought  it 
was  a  fine  time  of  day  if  a  raw  jockey  from  an  obscure  vil- 
lage away  Down  East,  jest  because  he  had  a  major's  commis- 
sion, was  going  to  throw  the  Vice-President  of  the  United 
States  and  the  heads  of  Departments  into  the  back-ground.  At 
this  my  dander  began  to  rise,  and  I  stept  right  up  to  him  ; 
and  says  I,  "  Mr.  Van  Buren,  you  are  the  last  man  that  ought 
to  call  me  a  jockey.  And  if  you'll  go  to  Downingville,  and 
stand  up  before  my  company,  with  Sargent  Joel  at  their  head, 
and  call  Downingville  an  obscure  village,  Pll  let  you  use  my 
head  for  a  foot-ball  as  long  as  you  live  afterwards.  For  if 
they  wouldn't  blow  you  into  ten  thousand  atoms,  Pll  never 
guess  again."  We  got  so  high  at  last  that  the  old  President 
hopt  off  the  bed  like  a  boy  ;  for  he  had  laid  down  to  rest  him, 
bein'  it  was  near  daylight,  though  he  couldn't  get  to  sleep. 
And  says  he,  "Mr.  Donaldson,  set  down  and  write  Mr.  Ander- 
son at  Portland,  and  my  friend  Joshua  Downing,  at  Downing- 
ville, that  I  can't  come  ;  Pm  going  to  start  for  Washington 
this  morning."  "  What !"  says  Mr.  Cass,  "  and  not  go  to 
Portsmouth,  and  Exeter,  and  round  there  !"  "  I  tell  you," 
says  the  President,  "  Pm  going  to  start  for  Washington  this 
morning,  and  in  three  days  Pll  be  there."     "  What  !"  says  Mr. 


228 


MY   THIRTY    YEARS 


Woodbury,  "  aud  not  go  to  Portland,  where  they  have  spent 
so  much  money  to  get  ready  for  us  ?"  "  I  tell  you,"  says  the 
President,  "  my  foot  is  down  :  I  go  not  a  step  further,  but 
turn  about  this  morning  for  Washington."  "  What  !"  says  I, 
"  and  not  go  to  Downingville  :  what  will  Uncle  Joshua  say  ?" 
At  this  the  President  looked  a  little  hurt ;  and  says  he,  "  Ma- 
jor Downing,  I  can't  help  it.     As  for  going  any  further  with 


II I  ^     II     ■     1 — ' — 


THE  QUARREL  BETWEEN  MAJOR  DOWNING  AND  MR.  VAN  BUREN 


such  a  din  as  this  about  my  ears,  I  cannot  and  will  not,  and 
I  am  resolved  not  to  budge  another  inch."  And,  sure  enough, 
the  President  was  as  good  as  his  word,  and  we  were  all 
packed  up  by  sunrise,  and  in  three  days  we  were  in  Washing- 
ton. 

And  here  we've  been  ever  since,  battling  the  watch  about 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  229 

the  next  Presidency.  Mr.  Van  Buren  says  the  President 
promised  it  to  him,  and  now  he  charges  me  and  the  President 
with  a  plot  to  work  myself  into  it  and  leave  him  out.  It's 
true  I've  been  nominated  in  a  good  many  papers  :  in  the 
National  Intelligencer,  and  in  the  Mauch  Chunk  Courier,  print- 
ed away  off  among  the  coal-diggers  in  Pennsylvany,  and  a 
good  many  more.  And  them  are  Pennsylvany  chaps  are  real 
pealers  for  electing  folks  when  they  take  hold  ;  and  that's 
what  makes  Mr.  Van  Buren  so  uneasy.  The  President  tells 
him  as  he  has  promised  to  help  him,  he  shall  do  what  he  can 
for  him — but  if  the  folks  will  vote  for  me,  he  can't  help  it.  Mr. 
Van  Buren  wanted  I  should  come  out  in  the  National  Intelli- 
gencer and  resign,  and  so  be  put  up  for  Vice-President  under 
him.  But  I  told  him  no  ;  bein'  it  had  gone  so  fur,  I  wouldn't 
do  nothing  about  it.  I  hadn't  asked  for  the  office,  and  if  the 
folks  had  a  mind  to  give  it  to  me,  I  wouldn't  refuse  it  So,  af- 
ter we  had  battled  it  about  a  fortnight.  Mr.  Van  Buren  found 
it  was  no  use  to  try  to  dicker  with  me,  and  he's  cleared  out 
and  gone  to  New  York  to  see  what  he  can  do  there. 

I  never  thought  of  getting  in  to  be  President  so  soon, 
though  I've  had  a  kind  of  hankering  for  it  this  two  years. 
But  now,  seeing  it's  turned  out  as  it  has,  I'm  determined  to 
make  a  bold  push  ;  and  if  I  can  get  in  by  the  free  votes  of  the 
people,  I  mean  to.  The  President  says  he  rather  I  should  have 
it  than  anybody  else  ;  and,  if  he  hadn't  promised  Mr.  Van 
Buren  before  hand,  he  would  use  his  influence  for  me. 

I  remember  when  I  was  a  boy,  about  a  dozen  years  old, 
there  was  an  old  woman  come  to  our  house  to  tell  fortunes. 
And  after  she'd  told  the  rest  of  'em,  father  says  he,  "  Here^s 
Jack,  you  haven't  told  his  fortune  yet,  and  I  don't  'spose  it's 
worth  a  telling,  for  he's  a  real  mutton-headed  boy."  At  that 
the  old  woman  catched  hold  of  my  hair,  and  pulled  my  head 
back  and  looked   into  my  face,  and  I  never  shall  forget   how 


230  MY   THIPJY    YEARS 

she  looked  right  through  me  as  long  as  I  live.  At  last,  says 
she,  and  she  gin  me  a  shove  that  sent  me  almost  through  the 
side  of  the  house,  "Jack  will  beat  the  whole  of  you.  He'll  be 
a  famous  climber  in  his  day  ;  and  wherever  he  sets  out  to 
climb,  you  may  depend  upon  it,  he  will  go  to  the  top  of  the 
ladder."  Now,  putting  all  these  things  together,  and  the 
nominations  in  the  papers,  and  the  "  hoorahs  for  Major  Down- 
ing," I  don't  know  what  it  means,  unless  it  means  that  I 
must  be  President.  So,  as  I  said  afore,  I'm  determined  to 
make  a  bold  push.  I've  writ  to  Colonel  Crockett  to  see  if  I 
can  get  the  support  of  the  Western  States,  and  his  reply  is, 
"  Go  aheady  I  shall  depend  upon  you  and  Uncle  Joshua  to 
carry  the  State  of  Maine  for  me  ;  and,  in  order  to  secure  the 
other  States,  I  ^spose  it  will  be  necessary  to  publish  my  life 
and  writings.  President  Jackson  had  his  life  published  be- 
fore he  was  elected,  and  when  Mr.  Clay  was  a  candidate  he 
had  his'n  published.  I've  talked  with  the  President  about  it, 
and  he  says  publish  it  by  all  means,  and  set  the  printer  of  the 
Portland  Courier  right  about  it. 

So  I  want  you  to  go  to  work  as  soon  as  you  get  this,  and 
pick  up  my  letters,  and  begin  to  print  'em  in  a  book  ;  and  I'll 
set  down  and  write  a  history  of  my  life  to  put  into  it,  and 
send  it  along  as  fast  as  I  can  get  it  done.  But  I  want  you  to 
be  very  careful  not  to  get  any  of  them  are  confounded  coun- 
terfeit letters,  that  the  rascally  fellers  have  been  sending  to 
the  printers,  mixed  in  'long  with  mine.  It  would  be  as  bad 
as  breaking  a  rotten  egg  in  'long  with  the  good  ones  ;  it 
would  spile  the  whole  pudding.  You  can  tell  all  my  letters, 
for  they  were  all  sent  to  you  first. 

The  President  says  I  must  have  a  picter  of  me  made  and 
put  into  the  book.  He  says  he  had  one  put  into  his,  and  Mr. 
Clay  bad  one  put  into  his.  These  things,  you  know,  will  all 
help  get  the  free  votes  of  the  people,  and  that's  all  I  want 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  231 

For  I  tell  you  now,  right  up  and  down,  I  never  will  take  any 
office  that  doesn't  come  by  the  free  votes  of  the  people.  I'm  a 
genuine  Demokratic  Republikan,  and  always  was,  and  so  was 
my  father  before  me,  and  Uncle  Joshua  besides. 

There's  a  few  more  things  that  I  want  to  speak  to  you  about 
in  this  letter,  but  I'm  afraid  it  will  get  to  be  too  lengthy.  That 
are  story  that  they  got  in  the  newspapers  about  my  being 
married  in  Philadelphy  is  all  a  hoax.  I  ain't  married  yet, 
nor  shan't  be  till  a  little  blue-eyed  gal  that  used  to  run  about 
with  me,  and  go  to  school  and  slide  down  hill  in  Downingville, 
is  the  wife  of  President  Downing.  And  that  are  other  story, 
that  the  President  gave  me  a  curnel's  commission  jest  before 
we  started  Down  East,  isn't  exactly  true.  The  President  did 
offer  me  one,  but  I  thanked  him,  and  told  him  if  he  would 
excuse  me,  I  should  rather  not  take  it,  for  I  had  always 
noticed  that  majors  were  more  apt  to  rise  in  the  world  than 
curnels. 

I  wish  you  would  take  a  little  pains  to  send  up  to  Downing- 
ville and  get  Uncle  Joshua  to  call  a  public  meeting,  and  have 
me  nominated  there.  I'm  so  well  known  there,  it  would  have 
a  great  effect  in  other  places.  And  I  want  to  have  it  particu- 
larly understood,  and  so  stated  in  their  resolutions,  that  I  am 
the  genuine  Demokratic  Republikan  candidate.  I  know  you 
will  put  your  shoulder  to  the  wheel  in  this  business,  and  do 
all  you  can  for  me,  for  you  was  always  a  friend  to  me,  and 
just  between  you  and  me,  when  I  get  in  to  be  President  you 
may  depend  upon  it  yon  shall  have  as  good  an  office  as  you 
want.  ^ 

But  I  see  it's  time  for  me  to  end  this  letter.  The  President 
is  quite  comfortable,  and  sends  his  respects  to  you  and  Uncle 
Joshua.     I  remain  your  sincere  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


232  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 


LETTER  XLVII. 


OVER    ON    TO    THE     FEDERAL    SIDE,   AND    LAYS    A    PLAN   TO    GET   THE 
DOWNIXGVILLE  POST-OFFICE. 

DowNixGviLLE,  State  of  Maine,  August  12,  1833. 
To  Coit.nn  Major  Jack  Downing,  at  Washington  City. 

Dear  Cousin  Jack  : — I've  got  something  pretty  heavy  on 
my  mind  that  I  want  to  tell  ye  about,  and  ask  your  advice, 
and  may  be  I  shall  want  you  to  lend  me  a  hand  a  little.  I've 
been  watching  politics  pretty  snug  ever  since  I  was  a  little 
boy,  and  that's  near  about  thirty  years  ;  and  I  believe  I  know 
most  as  much  about  it  as  Uncle  Joshua,  although  he's  twenty 
years  older  than  I  be.  Now  about  this  Republikanism  and 
Federalism,  I've  minded  that  it  always  keeps  changing,  and 
always  has,  ever  since  I  can  remember.  And  I've  minded,  tu, 
it  most  always  keeps  going  round  one  way  ;  that  is,  the  young 
Federalists  keep  turning  Dimokrats,  and  the  old  Dhiiokrats  keep 
turning  Federalists.  What  it's  for  I  don't  exactly  know,  but 
that's  the  way  it  goes.  I  s'pose  a  man,  on  the  whole,  isn't 
hardly  fit  to  be  a  Dimokrat  after  he  gets  to  be  fifty  years  old. 
And  here  is  old  Uncle  Joshua  in  the  Post-Ofifice,  he's  got  to 
be  about  fifty,  and  he's  hanging  on  to  the  Dimokratic  side  yet, 
like  the  toothache  ;  and  it  begins  to  worry  me  a  good  deal. 
I  think  it's  high  time  he  went  over.  You  know  Downingville 
has  always  been  a  genuine  Republikan  town,  and  I  want  it 
should  always  go  according  to  the  usages  (I  think  that's  what 
they  call  it)  of  the  Dimokratic  party. 

When  it  gets  to  be  time  for  an  old  Dimokrat  to  go  over  on 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  233 

the  Federal  side,  I  believe  tne  Argus  always  put's  em  over. 
You  remember  there  was  old  Mr.  Insley  in  Portland,  and  old 
Gineral  Wingate  in  Bath,  as  much  as  a  dozen  years  ago,  were 
some  as  big  Republikans  as  there  was  anywhere  about. 
Well,  they  got  to  be  considerable  old,  and  had  been  in  office 
some  time,  so  the  Argus  took  and  clapt  'em  right  over  on  to 
the  Federal  side.  And  you  know  there  was  Mr.  Holmes,  he 
was  a  whapping  great  Republikan.  But  he  begun  to  grow 
old,  and    so   the  Argus  put   him  over. 

And  this  summer  the  Argus  is  putting  of  'em  over  consid' 
erable  younger  on  to  the  Federal  side.  It  has  put  Judge 
Preble  over,  and  Judge  Ware,  and  Mr.  Mitchell,  the  Postmas- 
ter at  Portland,  and  he  isn't  near  so  old  as  Uncle  Joshua  ; 
and  it  has  put  Mr  Megquier  over — only  think,  such  a  young 
man  as  Mr.  Megquier,  that's  only  been  in  the  State  Sinnet 
three  or  four  years.  Now  don't  you  think,  according  to  Dimo- 
kratic  usage,  it's  high  time  old  Uncle  Joshua  was  put  over  ? 
I  wish  you  would  jest  write  to  the  Argus  and  have  it  done, 
for  I  feel  a  good  deal  worried  about  it. 

And  as  soon  as  it  comes  out  in  the  Argus  that  he  is  fairly 
over,  I  want  you  to  tell  the  President  that  Uncle  Joshua  is  a 
Federalist,  and  have  him  removed  from  the  Post-Office,  for  it 
would  be  an  everlasting  shame  to  have  the  Post-Office  in 
Downingville  kept  by  a  Federalist. 

N.  B. — If  Uncle  Joshua  should  be  removed,  I  wish  you 
would  use  your  influence  to  get  the  President  to  give  the 
office  to  me  ;  for,  next  to  Uncle  Joshua,  I  s'pose  I've  done 
more  for  the  Republikan  party  than  any  man  in  Downingville. 
I  can  have  a  recommendation  from  Sargent  Joel  and  all  the 
company.     By  attending  to  this,  you  will  much  oblige 

Your  friend  and  cousin, 

EPHRAIM  DOWNING. 
10* 


234  MY   THIRIY    YEARS 


LETTER  XLYIII. 

IN    WHICH   THE    PRESIDENT    BEGUN   TO   SAY    SOMETHING    ABOUT    ME  AND 

DANIEL. 

Washington  City,  Sept.  14,  1833. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland   Courier,  aivay  Down  East,  in  the 
State  of  Maine. 

My  Dear  Old  Friend  : — It's  got  to  be  a  pretty  considerable 
long  while  now  since  I've  writ  to  you  ;  for  I  never  like  to 
write,  you  know,  without  I  have  something  to  say.  But  I've 
got  something  on  my  mind  now  that  keeps  me  all  the  time  a 
thinking  so  much  that  I  can't  hold  in  any  longer.  So,  jest 
between  you  and  me,  I'll  tell  you  what  'tis.  But  I  must  begin 
a  little  ways  beforehand,  so  you  can  see  both  sides  of  it,  and 
I'll  tell  you  what  'tis  as  soon  as  I  get  along  to  it. 

You  see  I  and  the  President  has  been  down  to  the  Rip  Raps  a 
few  weeks,  to  try  to  recruit  up  a  little  ;  for  that  pesky  tower 
away  Down  East  like  to  did  the  job  for  the  old  Gineral.  So, 
after  we  got  things  pretty  much  to  rights  here,  we  jest 
stepped  aboard  the  steamboat  and  went  down  to  the  Rip 
Raps.  That  are  Rip  Raps  is  a  capital  place  ;  it  is  worth  all 
the  money  we  ever  paid  for  it,  if  it  was  for  nothing  else  only 
jest  to  recruit  up  the  Government.  It  is  one  of  the  most 
coolest  places  in  the  summer  time  that  you  ever  see.  Let  a 
feller  be  all  worn  out  and  wilted  down  as  limpsy  as  a  rag,  so 
that  the  doctors  would  think  he  was  jest  ready  to  fly  off  the 
handle,  and  let  him  go  down  to  the  Rip  Raps,  and  stay  there 
a  fortnight,  and  he'd  come  home  again  as  smart  as  a  steel- 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  235 

trap.  The  President  got  recruited  up  so  nicely,  while  we 
were  down  to  the  Rip  Raps,  that  ever  since  we  got  back,  till 
two  or  three  days  ago,  he  has  been  as  good-natured  and 
sociable  as  ever  I  should  wish  to  see  a  body.  And  now  I'm 
coming,  pretty  soon,  to  what  I  was  going  to  tell  you  about, 
that  bears  so  heavy  on  my  mind. 

You  see  the  President  likes,  every  morning  after  the  break- 
fast is  out  of  the  way,  to  set  down  and  read  over  the  news- 
papers, and  see  what  is  going  on  in  the  country,  and  who's 
elected,  and  so  on.  So,  when  we've  done  breakfast,  we  take 
the  letters  and  papers  that  come  from  the  Post-Office,  and  go 
away  by  ourselves  into  the  great  East  Room,  where  we  can 
say  jest  what  we've  a  mind  to,  and  nobody  not  hear  us,  and 
the  President  sets  down  in  his  great  arm  rocking-chair  and 
smokes  his  cigar,  and  I  set  down  by  the  table  and  read  to 
him.  Last  Monday  morning,  as  I  was  reading  over  the 
papers,  one  arter  another,  I  come  to  a  Pennsylvany  paper, 
and  opened  it,  and  says  I,  "  Hullow,  Gineral,  here's  a  speech 
of  Mr.  Webster,  at  Pittsburgh,  as  large  as  life."      • 

"  Ah,"  said  he,  "  well,  let  us  hear  what  Daniel  has  been 
talking  to  them  are  Pennsylvany  and  Ohio  chaps  about." 

So,  I  hitched  back  in  my  chair,  and  read  on.  And  by  and 
by  I  begun  to  get  into  the  marrow  of  the  story,  where  he  told 
all  about  nullification,  and  what  a  dark  time  we  had  of  it  last 
winter,  and  how  the  black  clouds  begun  to  rise  and  spread 
over  the  country,  and  the  thunders  of  civil  war  begun  to  roll  and 
rumble  away  off  to  the  South,  and  by  and  by  how  the  tempest 
was  jest  ready  to  burst  over  our  heads,  and  split  the  country 
all  into  shivers,  and  how,  in  the  very  nick  of  time,  the  Presi- 
dent's proclamation  came  out  and  spread  over  the  whole 
country  like  a  rainbow,  and  how  everybody  then  took  courage 
and  said  the  danger  was  all  over.  While  I  had  been  reading 
this,  the  President  had  started  up  on  his  feet,  and  walked 


236 


MY    THIRTY    YEARS 


back  and  forth  across  the  room  pretty  quick,  puffing  away  and 
making  the  smoke  roll  out  of  his  mouth  like  a  house  a  fire  ; 
and  by  the  time  I  had  got  through,  he  had  thrown  his  cigar 
out  of  the  window,  and  come  and  sot  down,  leaning  his  elbow 
on  the  table,  and  looking  right  in  my  face.  I  laid  the  paper 
down,  and  there  he  sot  looking  right  at  me  as  much  as  five 
minutes,  and  never  said  a  word  ;  but  he  seemed  to  keep  a 
thinking  as   fast   as  a  horse  could  run.     At  last,    said   he, 


,|,,|,  .rH'lilVfiliiff'iM'    I 


THE  MAJOR  READING  THE  NEWS  IN  THE  EAST  ROOM. 


"Major  Downing,  were  you  ever  told  that  you  resembled 
Daniel  Webster  ?" 

"  Why,  Gineral,"  says  I,  "  how  do  3'ou  mean— in  looks  or 
what  ?" 

"Why,  perhaps  a  little  of  both,"  says  he,  "but  mostly  in 
looks." 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  237 

"  Bless  my  stars,"  says  I,  "  Gineral,  you  don't  mean  to  say 
that  I  am  quite  so  dark  as  he  is  ?" 

"  Perhaps  not,"  says  he,  "  but  you  have  that  sharp,  know- 
ing look,  as  though  you  could  see  right  through  a  millstone. 
I  know,"  says  he,  "  that  Mr.  Webster  is  rather  a  dark-looking 
man,  but  there  isn't  another  man  in  this  country  that  can 
throw  so  much  light  on  a  dark  subject  as  he  can." 

"  AVhy,  yes,"  says  I,  "  he  has  a  remarkable  faculty  for  that ; 
he  can  see  through  most  anything,  and  he  can  make  other 
folks  see  through  it,  too.  I  guess,"  says  I,  "  if  he'd  been 
born  in  old  Virginny,  he'd  stood  next  to  most  anybody." 

"  A  hetle  afore  'em,"  says  the  Gineral,  "  in  my  way  of  think- 
ing. "  I'll  tell  you  what  'tis,  Major,  I  begin  to  think  your 
New  Englanders  ain't  the  worst  sort  of  fellows  in  the  world, 
after  all." 

"  Ah,  well,"  says  I,  "  seeing  is  believing,  and  you've  been 
down  tnat  way  now,  and  can  judge  for  yourself.  But  if  you 
had  only  gone  as  fur  as  Downingville,  I  guess  you  would 
have  thought  still  better  of  'em  than  you  do  now.  Other 
folks  may  talk  larger  and  bluster  more,"  says  I,  "  but  when- 
ever you  are  in  trouble,  and  want  the  real  support  in  time  of 
need,  go  to  New  England  for  it,  and  you  never  need  to  be 
afraid  but  what  it  will  come." 

"  I  believe  you  are  right,"  says  the  Gineral  ;  "  for,  notwith- 
standing all  I  could  do  with  my  proclamation  against  nullifi- 
cation, I  believe  I  should  have  rubbed  hard  if  there  had  been 
no  such  men  in  the  country  as  Major  Downing  and  Daniel 
Webster.  But  this  nullification  business  isn't  killed  yet. 
The  tops  are  beat  down,  but  the  roots  are  alive  as  ever,  and 
spreading  under  ground  wider  and  wider  ;  and  one  of  these 
days,  when  they  begin  to  sprout  up  again,  there'll  be  a 
tougher  scrabble  to  keep  'em  down  than  there  has  been  yet  ; 
and  I've  been  thinking,"  says  he,  and  he  laid  his  hand  on  my 


238  MV    THIRTY    YEARS 

shoulder,  and  looked  very  anxious — "  I've  been   thinking, " 
says  he,  "  if  you  and  Daniel  " — 

And  here  the  door  opened,  and  in  come  Amos  Kendil  with 
a  long  letter  from  Mr.  Van  Buren  about  the  Bank,  and  the 
Safety  Fund,  and  the  Government  Deposits,  and  I  don't  know 
what  all  ;  and  the  President's  brow  was  clouded  in  a  minute  ; 
for  he  always  feels  kind  of  pettish  when  they  plague  him 
about  the  Safety  Fund.  I  haven't  had  any  chance  to  talk 
with  him  since,  there's  so  many  of  'em  round  him  ;  and  I'm 
as  uneasy  as  a  fish  out  of  water,  I  feel  so  anxious  to  know 
what  the  President  was  going  to  say  about  me  and  Daniel. 
I  shall  watch  the  first  chance  when  I  think  it  will  do  to  talk 
with  him,  and  find  out  what  he  was  going  to  say.  I  can't 
hardly  sleep  a  nights,  I  think  so  much  about  it.  When  I  find 
out  I'll  write  to  you  again. 

Send  my  love  to  the  folks  ap  in  Downingville  when  you 
have  a  chance. 

I  remain  your  sincere  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XLIX. 

IN   WHICH    THE     PRESIDENT    FINISHED     WHAT    HE    WAS    GOING    TO    SAY 
ABOUT  ME  AND  DANIEL. 

Washington  City,  Sept.  30,  1833. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland   Courier,  away  Down  East,  in  the 
Stale  of  Maine. 

My  Dear  Friend  : — Haven't  you  been  in  a  terrible  kind  of 
a  pucker  ever  since  my  last  letter  to  you,  to  know  what  the 
President  was  going  to  say  about  me  and  Daniel  ?  If  you 
haven't  I  have.      I  never  felt  so  uneasy  for  a  fortnight  hardly 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  239 

in  my  life.  If  I  went  to  bed  I  couldn't  sleep,  and  I've  got  up 
and  walked  the  floor  as  much  as  half  the  night  almost  every 
night  since.  I've  wished  the  bank  to  Guinea  more  than  fifty 
times,  for  there's  been  such  a  hubbub  here  about  the  bank  this 
fortnight  past,  that  I  couldn't  get  a  moment's  chance  to  talk 
with  the  President  about  anything  else.  We'd  have  cabinet 
meetings  once  in  a  while  to  see  about  moving  the  deposits, 
and  Mr.  Duane,  and  Mr.  Cass,  and  Mr.  McLane  would  talk  up 
to  the  President  so  about  it,  that  he'd  conclude  to  let  'em 
alone  and  do  nothing  about  it,  and  let  Congress  manage  it 
jest  as  they'd  a  mind  to.  And  then  we'd  go  home,  and  Mr. 
Kendil  would  come  in  and  talk  the  matter  over,  and  read 
some  great  long  letters  from  Mr.  Van  Buren,  and  get  the 
President  so  confused  that  he  would  lose  all  patience  a'most. 

But  Mr.  Kendil  is  the  master  feller  to  hang  on  that  ever  I 
see  ;  he's  equal  to  the  toothache.  And  he  talked  and  palav- 
ered with  the  President  till  he  finally  brought  him  over,  and 
then  the  President  put  his  foot  down,  and  said  the  deposits 
should  be  moved,  whether  or  no.  And  then  the  botheration 
was  to  see  who  should  move  'em.  The  President  told  Mr. 
Duane  lo  do  it ;  but  he  said  his  conscience  wouldn't  let  him. 
Then  the  President  told  Mr.  Taney  to  take  Mr.  Duane's  place, 
and  see  if  his  conscience  would  let  him.  Mr.  Taney  tried  it, 
and  found  his  conscience  went  easy  enough  ;  so  Mr.  Duane 
packed  up  and  went  home  to  Philadelphy.  We  were  all 
dreadful  sorry  to  lose  Mr.  Duane,  for  he  was  a  nice  man 
as  you  will  see  one  in  a  thousand.  It's  a  pity  he  had  such  a 
stiff  conscience  ;  he  might  have  staid  here  in  the  Treasury 
jest  as  well  as  not,  if  it  hadn't  been  for  that. 

But  this  storm  about  the  bank  begins  to  blow  over,  and 
the  President's  got,  in  a  manner,  cooled  down  again.  This 
morning,  after  breakfast,  we  took  the  papers  and  letters  jest 
as  we  used  to,  and  went  away  into  the  East  Room  to  read 


240  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

the  news  and  chat  awliile  ;  and  it  really  did  my  heart  good 
to  see  the  President  set  down  once  more  looking  so  good- 
natured  in  his  great  arm-chair  smoking  his  cigar.  After  I  had 
read  over  the  news  to  him  awhile,  and  got  him  in  pretty  good 
humor,  I  made  bold  to  out  with  it,  and  says  I,  "  Gineral,  there's 
one  question  I  want  to  ask  you."  And  says  he,  "  you  know,  Ma- 
jor, I  always  allow  you  to  ask  me  anything  you're  a  mind  to  ; 
what  is  it  ?  "  "  Well,"  says  I,  "  when  we  had  that  talk  here, 
about  a  fortnight  ago,  you  begun  to  say  something  about  me 
and  Daniel  ;  and  jest  as  you  got  into  the  middle  of  it,  Mr. 
Kendil  come  in,  and  broke  it  right  off,  short  as  a  pipe-stem. 
It's  been  running  in  my  hea-d  ever  since,  and  I've  been  half 
crazy  to  know  what  it  was  you  was  going  to  say,"  "  Well, 
let  us  see,"  says  the  Gineral,  "  wliere  was  it  I  left  off?  for 
this  everlasting  fuss  about  the  bank  has  kept  my  head  so  full 
I  can't  seem  to  remember  much  about  it." 

"  Why,"  says  I,  "  you  was  talking  about  nullification  ; 
how  the  tops  were  beat  down  a  little,  but  the  roots  were  all 
running  about  under  ground  as  live  as  ever,  and  it  wouldn't 
be  long  before  they'd  be  sprouting  up  again  all  over  the 
country,  and  there'd  be  a  tougher  scrabble  to  keep  'em  down 
than  ever  there  had  been  yet ;  and  then  you  said  if  I  and 

Daniel ,  and  there  that  plaguy  Kendil   came  in — I've  no 

patience  with  him  now  when  I  think  of  it — and  broke  it  right 
off."  "Ah,  now  I  remember,"  says  the  Gineral,  "how  'twas. 
Well,"  says  he,  "  Major  Downing,  it  is  a  solemn  fact,  this 
country  is  to  see  a  blacker  storm  of  nullification,  before  many 
years  comes  about,  than  ever  it  has  seen  yet  ;  the  clouds  are 
beginning  to  gather  now  ;  I've  seen  'em  rolling  over  South 
Carolina,  and  hanging  about  Georgia,  and  edging  along  into 
old  Virginny,  and  I  see  the  storm's  a  gathering  ;  it  must 
come  ;  and  if  there  isn't  somebody  at  the  helm  that  knows 
how  to  steer  pretty  well,  the  old  ship  must  go  down.     I  an't 


our    OF   THE    SENATE.  241 

afraid,"  says  he,  "  but  what  I  can  keep  her  up  while  I  have 
the  command,  but  I'm  getting  to  be  old,  and  must  give  up 
soon,  and  then  what  '11  become  of  her  I  don't  know.  But  what 
I  was  going  to  say  was  this  :  I've  been  thinking  if  you  and 
Daniel,  after  I  give  up,  would  put  your  heads  together,  and 
take  charge  of  her  till  the  storm  has  blown  over,  you  might 
save  her.     And  I  don't  know  who  else  can. " 

"  But  how  do  you  mean,  Gineral  ?"  says  I.  "  Why,  to  speak 
plain,"  says  he,  "  if  nullification  shows  its  head,  Daniel  must 
talk  and  you  must  fight.  There's  nothing  else  will  do  the 
job  for  it  that  I  know  of.  Daniel  must  go  into  the  Presiden- 
tial chair,  and  you  must  take  command  of  the  army,  and  then 
things  will  go  straight."  At  this  I  was  a  little  struck  up  ; 
and  I  looked  him  right  in  the  eye,  and  says  I,  "  Gineral,  do 
you  mean  that  Daniel  Webster  ought  to  be  President  after 
you  give  up  ?  "  "  Certainly,"  says  he,  "  if  you  want  to  keep 
the  country  out  of  the  jaws  of  nullification."  "But,"  says  I, 
*'  Gineral,  Daniel  is  a  Federalist,  a  Hartford  Convention 
Federalist  ;  and  I  should  like  to  know  which  is  worst,  the 
jaws  of  nullification,  or  the  jaws  of  Federalism  ? "  "  The 
jaws  of  a  fiddlestick  ! "  said  the  President,  starting  up  and 
throwing  his  cigar  out  of  the  window  as  much  as  two  rods  ; 
"  but  how  do  you  know,  Major  Downing,  that  Daniel  is  a 
Federalist?"  "Because,"  says  I,  "I've  heard  him  called 
so  Down  East  more  than  a  hundred  times."  "  And  that's  jest 
all  you  know  about  it,"  says  he.  "  Now,  I  tell  you  how  'tis. 
Major  Downing,  Daniel  is  as  thorough  a  Republican  as  you 
be,  or  as  I  be,  and  has  been  ever  since  my  proclamation  came 
out  against  nullification.  As  soon  as  that  proclamation  came 
out,  Daniel  came  right  over  on  to  the  Republican  ground,  and 
took  it  upon  his  shoulder,  and  carried  it  through  thick  and 
thin,  where  no  other  man  in  the  country  could  have  carried 
it."     Says  I,  "  Gineral,  is  that  a  fact  ?  "     And  says  he,  "  Yes, 


242  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

3^ou  may  depend  upon  it,  'tis  every  word  truth."  "  Well," 
says  I,  "  that  alters  the  case  a  little,  and  I'll  write  to  Uncle 
Joshua  and  the  editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  and  see  what 
they  think  of  it ;  and  if  they  think  it's  best  to  have  Daniel  for 
President  we'll  have  him  in,  and  Til  take  my  turn  afterward  ; 
for,  seeing  the  people  are  bent  upon  having  me  for  President, 
I  won't  decline  ;  though  if  it  is  thought  best  that  I  should 
wait  a  little  while,  T  won't  be  particular  about  that.  Pm 
willing  to  do  that  which  will  be  best  for  the  country." 

So  I  remain  your  loving  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  L. 

MAJOR  DOWNING  PREVENTS  A  ROBBERY    IX    THE  SENATE  CHAMBER. 

Washington  City,  Dec.  28,  1833. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Forlland  Courier,  hi  the  Mariners'  Church 
Building,  second  story,  eastern  end,  Fore  street,  Porland,  away 
Down  East,  in  the  State  of  Maine. 

My  Dear  Old  Friend  : — We've  been  in  a  kind  of  harrycanc 
here,  and  I  and  the  Gineral  has  had  to  hold  on  so  tight,  to 
keep  things  from  blowing  away,  that  I  couldn't  hardly  get  a 
chance  to  write  to  you  afore  now,  though  I  have  wanted  to 
twenty  times. 

It  seems  as  if  this  Congress  come  together  determined  to 
have  a  real  whirlwind  all  winter.  Mr.  McDuffie  raves  like  a 
mad  lion  ;  I  thought  when  he  was  making  a  speech  t'other 
day  that  he  would  stave  his  bench  all  to  pieces,  he  slat  things 
round  so.  And  Mr.  Clay  is  as  full  of  mischief  as  he  can  live. 
He's  been  bothering  us  with  some  pesky  thing  or  other  the 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  243 

whole  time  since  he  has  been  here.  When  the  Senate  sent  to 
the  President  for  that  document  that  he  read  to  the  Cabinet 
last  September,  about  removing  the  deposites,  I  didn't  know 
one  spell  but  the  old  Gineral  would  a  took  his  cane  and  gone 
right  into  the  Senate  room,  and  drove  'em  all  out  together, 
and  told  'em  to  go  home  about  their  business.  But  I  talked 
to  him  and  pacified  him,  and  got  him  pretty  well  cooled  down 
at  last.  And  then  says  he,  "  Major,  what  would  you  do 
about  it?"  ''Well,"  says  I,  **  Gineral,  supposin'  the  Senate 
should  ask  you  to  send  'em  one  of  my  letters,  what  would  you 
tell  'em  ?"  "  Why,"  says  he,  "  I  would  tell  'em  that  they  had 
no  business  v/ith  it."  "  Well,"  says  I,  ''  Gineral,  what  is  the 
difference  between  one  of  my  letters  to  you  and  one  of  your 
letters  to  the  Cabinet?"  "None  at  all,"  says  he,  "  and  I'll 
be  hanged  if  they  get  it  ; "  and  he  sot  right  down  and  wrote 
to  'em  and  told  'em  so. 

Well,  then  we  sot  and  smoked  a  little  while,  talking  about 
one  thing  or  another,  and  at  last  the  President  broke  out 
again  about  the  Senate  sending  to  him  for  that  document  that 
he  read  to  the  Cabinet ;  and  all  at  once  he  started  up  and 
catched  his  hat  and  cane,  and  says  he,  "  Major,  if  I  don't  put 
a  veto  upon  them  chaps,  my  name  isn't  Andrew  Jackson  ;" 
and  he  whisked  out  of  doors  before  I  had  time  to  think.  I  had 
my  shoes  off,  and  my  feet  up  against  the  jam,  but  I  slipped 
'em  on  as  quick  as  I  could,  and  out  after  him.  But  by  the 
time  I  got  out  he  was  away  down  Pennsylvany  avenu  ever  so 
far,  pulling  for  the  Congress  house  as  fast  as  he  could  go.  I 
pulled  on  after  him,  and  overtook  him  jest  as  he  was  going 
into  the  Senate  room.  And  I  took  hold  of  his  arm,  and  says 
I,  '*  Gineral,  haven't  I  always  advised  you  well?"  And  he 
stopt  and  looked  round  at  me,  and  the  rinkles  begun  to 
smooth  out  of  his  face,  jest  as  they  always  do  when  he  looks 
at  me,  and  says  he,  "  Yes,  Major,  I  must  say  that."     "  WelV 


244 


MY    THIRTY    YEARS 


says  I,  "  Gineral,  then  my  opinion  is,  that  you  better  stop  and 
think  of  this  business  a  little  before  you  go  into  the  Senate 
to  kick  up  a  bobbery.  There's  Mr.  Clay  making  a  speecli 
now  ;  and  if  you  should  make  a  drive  right  in  among  'em,  it 
would  be  like  going  into  a  hornet's  nest.    The  opposition,  you 


OLD    HICKORY    AT   THE    SEXATE    DOOR. 


know,  have  the  majority,  and  they'd  flock  round  Clay  as  thick 
as  though  he  was  the  queen  bee  in  a  beehive,  and  they  might 
be  too  many  for  you."  Says  he,  "  Major,  I  shouldn't  be  afraid 
of 'em  if  there  was  five  times  as  many  ;  but  I  never  did  know 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  245 

your  advice  to  prove  wrong  yet,  so,  if  you  think  it's  best,  I'll 
stop  and  consider  of  it  a  little."  After  a  while  I  got  him  to 
go  back  to  the  house  again,  and  be  contented  with  sending 
the  letter  that  they  shouldn't  have  the  document.  But  it  was 
a  good  while  before  I  could  get  him  entirely  calmed  down, 
and  he  seemed  to  be  considerably  riled  about  my  telling  him 
the  Senate  might  be  too  much  for  him  if  he  went  right  in 
among  'em.  He  declared  if  they  sent  to  him  for  any  more  of 
his  private  papers,  he'd  pull  the  ears  of  some  of  'em,  if  he 
didn't  cut  'em  off.  "  Why,  Major,"  says  he,  "  I  shouldn't  be 
afraid  to  meet  a  whole  regiment  of  'em." 

I'll  write  to  you  again  pretty  soon,  and  let  you  know  some- 
thing more  about  matters  and  things  here. 
Your  faithful  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


THE  GAP  IN  HISTORY. 

Editorial  Note. — Here  occurs  a  deplorable  hiatus  in  Major  Dowuiog's 
*'  Thirty  Years  out  of  the  Senate,"  occasioned  by  one  of  those  inevitable 
catastrophes  to  which  literature,  as  well  as  everything  else  connected  with 
human  labors,  is  sometimes  exposed.  In  consequence  of  the  loss  of  a  large 
mass  of  letters  and  "  Docliyments,"  the  Major  has  to  make  a  clean  jump  from 
Jackson  to  Polk,  as  is  more  fully  explained  in  his  own  "  Dockyment,"  on  the 
follov.'ing  page.    The  world  must  bear  the  loss  as  well  as  it  can. 


246 


MY   THIRTY   YEARS 


DOCKYMENT. 

In  the  little  Postscript  to  my  Life,  that  heads  "  My  Thirty 
Years  Out  of  the  Senate,"  I  said,  "  There'll  be  a  kind  of  gap 
near  the  close  of  Gineral  Jackson's  time,  and  for  a  while 
after,  because  a  lot  of  my  letters  written  at  that  time  was 


MAJOR  DOWNIXG  GETTING  OVER  A  GAP  IN  HISTORY. 

lost  in  a  fire  some  j^ears  afterward,  and  I  don't  suppose  I  can 
now  find  the  papers  they  was  published  in.  But  I  will  try  to 
bridg-e  over  the  gap  as  well  as  1  can." 

Well,  I've   got  to  the   gap   now,  and  must  try  to  make   a 
clean  jump   of  it,  from  Old  Hickory  to  Young  Hickory.     I 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  247 

must  bid  good-by  to  my  dear  old  friend,  the  Gineral,  and  put 
my  shoulder  to  the  wheel  to  help  Colonel  Polk  along  through 
the  Mexican  war.  I  feel  bad  to  part  with  the  old  Gineral— a 
true  man  and  a  true  Dimokrat  as  ever  lived — and  I  am  sure 
he  feels  bad  to  part  with  me.  We  worked  hard  together  ; 
we  could  conquer  nullification,  and  conquer  Biddle's  Bank, 
but  we  couldn't  head  off  old  Father  Time,  who  conquers  us  all, 
sooner  or  later.  The  best  friends  in  the  world  must  part,  so 
in  the  nature  of  things  the  time  must  come  when  Old  Hickory 
and  Major  Downin<;'  must  bid  each  other  farewell.  I  am  sorry 
the  world  has  lost  them  letters  of  mine  that  was  burnt,  for 
they  contained  a  good  many  interesting  things,  and  described 
some  very  pleasant  times  that  the  Gineral  and  I  had  together. 
They  told  all  about  cutting  off  the  "figgerhead"  of  "Old 
Ironsides,"  (the  frigate  Constitution,)  in  Boston  harbor,  and 
about  me  and  the  Gineral  going  a  skating  in  a  bright  moon- 
light nigiit  away  down  on  the  Potomac,  and  a  hundred  other 
matters,  that's  lost  now  with  the  things  before  the  flood.  But 
Ant  Keziah  always  used  to  say,  "  It's  no  use  to  cry  for  spilt 
milk;"  so  I  hope  the  world  will  dry  up  its  tears,  and  not 
worry  any  more  about  my  lost  letters  than  it  does  about  that 
great  library  that  was  burnt  in  Alexandria  two  thousand 
years  ago.     The  artist  has  gi'n  me  a  good  lift  in  jumping  over. 

From  tJie  National  Intelligencer. 
We  were  thrown  quite  into  a  flutter  yesterday  by  receiving 
in  our  bag  from  the  Post-Office  the  following  letter  from  the 
public's  old  friend,  Major  Jack  Downing,  who  seems  to  have 
written  to  us  for  the  purpose  of  communicating  to  the  public, 
in  his  plain  way,  some  views  of  President  Polk — Young 
Hickory,  as  he  delights  to  call  him— which  that  distinguished 
functionary  had  not  thought  necessary  to  confide  to  his  most 
confidential  friends  before  he  met  with  the  Major  : 


248 


ifY   THIRTY   YEARS 


LETTER    LI. 

PRESIDENT     POLK     OX    HIS    TOUR    DOWN    EAST — HIS     INTERVIEW     WITH 
MAJOR  DOWNING. 


On  Board  the  Steamboat  on  Long  Island  Sound, 
Bound  to  Connecticut  and  Down  East,  June  28,  1847 


.} 


Mr.  Gales  &  Seaton — 

My  Dear  Old  Friends  : — I  and  Mr.  Buchanan,  and  the  rest 
of  us,  overtook  the  President  last  night  at  York,  where  we 
found  him  pretty  well  tuckered  out,  having  got  through  with 
all  his  birds-egging  in  that  everlasting  great  city,  and  ready 
to  push  on  this  morning  Down  East.  I  was  going  to  write  a 
line  to  friend  Ritchie,  as  he's  the  Government  editor,  as  soon 
as  I  could  ketch  up  with  the  President,  and  let  him  know  how 
the  old  gentleman  stood  the  journey.  But  I  happened  to  look 
into  your  paper,  and  I  see  brother  Ingersoll,  of  Philadelphy, 
sends  his  letters  to  you.  This  puzzled  me  a  little  at  first, 
because  I  knew  he  was  on  Mr.  Ritchie's  side.  But  I  looked 
along,  and  I  see  he  called  your  paper  a  "  powerful  journal," 
and  then  the  thought  struck  me  that  I  had  read  somewhere 
that  "  there's  a  power  behind  the  throne  greater  than  the 
throne  itself."  Well,  thinks  I,  that  Ingersoll  is  a  cunning 
feller,  but  he  ain't  agoin'  to  get  ahead  of  me.  If  he  writes  to 
the  power  behind  the  throne  I  will,  too.  So,  if  Mr.  Ritchie 
complains,  and  says  I  ought  to  wrote  to  him,  I  wish  you 
would  just  smooth  it  over  to  him,  and  tell  him  the  reason  of 
it,  and  tell  him  when  the  old  ship  gets  on  t'other  tack,  and 
his  paper  gets  on  behind,  I'll  write  to  him. 

As  I  had  come  right  on  from  Mexico,  the  shortest  cut,  and 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE. 


249 


had  brought  a  letter  from  Ginera.  Scott  to  the  President,  as 
soon  as  we  got  to  York  I  run  right  up  to  the  tavern  where  he 
stopped  to  give  him  the  letter.  Folks  told  me  he  was  at  the 
Astor  House — that  great  tavern  made  out  of  hewed  stone. 
So  I  went  up  and  went  in,  and  asked  one  of  the  waiters  if 
Colonel  Polk  put  up  there. 

"  Is  it  Jemmy  Polk  ye  mane  ;  Young  Hickory,  the  Presi- 
dent?" 

"  Sartin,"  says  I. 


THE  MAJOR  3  ARRIVAL  AT  THE  ASTOR  HOUSE. 

"Yes,"  says  he  ;  "  he's  here,  up  stairs  in  his  room." 

Says  I,  "  Show  me  his  chamber  as  quick  as  you  can  ;  I 
must  see  him." 

"  You  can't  see  him  to-night,"  says  he  ;  "  Young  Hickory 
is  tired  out,  and  can't  see  nobody  at  all.  Why  wan't  ye  on 
hand  in  the  Governor's  room  if  ye  wanted  to  see  him  ?  All 
the  boys  had  a  chance  there." 

Says  I,  "  That's  nothing  to  the  pint  ;  I  was  on  the   road 

from  Washington  then,  and  Pra  going  to  see  the  President 
11 


250  MY   THIRTY   YEARS 

to-night  if  I  have  to  go  through  the  stone  walls  of  this  house 
for  it." 

Then  along  come  Mr,  Stutson,  and  says  he,  "  Patrick, 
what's  the  row  here  ?  " 

"  Here's  a  feller  getting  wrathy,"  says  Patrick,  "  because  I 
won't  let  him  go  up  to  the  President's  room." 

At  that  Mr.  Stutson  turned  round  to  me,  and  as  soon  as  he 
see  me,  he  ketched  hold  of  my  hand,  and  says  he,  "  Major 
Downing,  I  am  very  happy  to  see  you.  PU  show  you  right 
up  to  the  President's  room  myself.  Pm  sorry  you  wan't  here 
before.  We've  had  some  very  pleasant  tea  parties  since  the 
President's  been  here." 

When  I  got  into  the  President's  chamber  he  was  laying 
down  on  the  bed  to  rest,  and  looking  as  tired  as  a  rat  that 
had  been  drawed  through  forty  knot-holes.  But,  as  soon  as 
he  see  me,  he  jumped  up,  looking  rather  wild,  and  says  he, 
"  Major  Downing,  how  are  ye  ?  I  didn't  think  of  seeing  you 
back  from  Mexico  so  soon  as  this.  How  does  things  go  on 
there  now  ?" 

Says  I,  "  Colonel,  they  don't  go  on  hardly  at  all.  They  are 
waiting  for  more  help.  Scott  and  Taylor  both  are  growing 
rather  red  and  angry  to  think  you  should  chuck  'em  away 
into  the  middle  of  Mexico  there,  and  then  not  send  'em  help  to 
fight  the  way  out  again.  And  it  seems  to  me.  Colonel,  you  do 
hold  back  in  this  business  a  little  too  much.  If  you  don't 
send  'em  help  pretty  soon,  them  guerillas  will  eat  our  little 
armies  all  up.  Why  Colonel,"  says  I,  "  if  this  war  had  come 
on  in  the  time  of  the  old  Gineral,  my  old  friend  Hickory,  he 
would  a  had  them  Mexicans  half  whipped  to  death  by  this 
time.  But  here's  a  letter  from  Scott,  to  tell  ye  what  he  thinks 
about  the  business.  I  come  on  post-haste  to  bring  it.  He 
says  he  won't  stir  from  Puebla  till  you  send  on  more  men  to 
take  the  place  of  all  them  that's  coming  home." 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  251 

The  President  took  the  letter  and  read  a  few  lines,  and 
threw  it  down  upon  the  table  ;  and  says  he,  "  It's  no  use  ; 
Scott  may  grumble  and  growl  as  much  as  he's  a  mind  to,  but 
it's  no  use.  This  war  is  a  concern  of  my  own  getting  up — 
for  my  own  use  ;  and  I  shall  manage  it  jest  as  I  please." 
Says  he,  "  Major  Downing,  there's  reason  in  all  things.  I 
don't  want  them  Mexicans  whipped  too  fast,  especially  when 
them  upstart  generals  get  all  the  glory  of  it.  When  I  found 
that  Taylor  was  swellin'  up  too  large,  I  meant  to  a  stopped 
him  at  Monterey,  and  draw  off  a  part  of  his  glory  on  to  Scott. 
But  that  Taylor  is  a  headstrong  chap — a  dangerous  man. 
He  overstept  his  duty,  and  blundered  on  to  that  victory  at 
Buena  Yista,  that  sot  everything  in  a  blaze.  I  shan't  over- 
look it  in  him  very  soon.  If  the  selfish  creature  had  only  let 
Santa  Anna  given  him  a  handsome  licking  there,  we  might  a 
had  peace  in  a  little  while,  for  I  had  things  all  arranged  with 
Santa  Anna  to  wind  the  business  right  up  in  such  a  way  that 
we  might  each  of  us  have  made  a  handsome  plum  out  of  it. 
But  that  unpardonable  Taylor  must  cut  and  slash  round  with 
his  handful  of  men,  untutored  volunteers,  that  I  thought  were 
as  harmless  as  a  flock  of  sheep,  and  contrive,  by  that  awful 
blunder  at  Buena  Vista,  to  pour  all  the  fat  into  the  fire. 

"  Well,  then,  Scott  hasn't  behaved  much  better.  He's  licked 
the  Mexicans  too  fast  by  a  great  sight,  and  is  swellin'  him- 
self up  in  the  eyes  of  the  people  shamefully,  I  thought  if  I 
could  a  sent  Colonel  Benton  on  there,  he  would  a  squeezed 
the  glory  out  of  both  of  'em  in  a  little  while,  and  settled  'em 
down  so  they  wouldn't  a  been  dangerous.  But  that  vagabond 
Senate  wouldn't  let  me  do  it.  That  was  too  bad.  Major, 
when  them  two  generals  were  attracting  all  the  glory  that 
belonged  to  me,  that  the  Senate  wouldn't  let  me  do  anything 
to  offset  them.  But  I'll  let  'em  know  that  Young  Hickory 
isn't  to  be  beat  any  more  than  Old  Hickory  was.     I've  sent 


252  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

Mr,  Trist  on  to  look  after  matters,  and  to  see  that  the  armies 
don't  go  too  fast  ;  for  Pm  determined  Scott  and  Taylor  shan't 
whip  the  Mexicans  any  faster  than  is  prudent.  All  the  glory 
of  this  war  fairly  belongs  to  me,  and  I'll  have  it." 

"  But,"  says  I,  "  Colonel,  you  are  agoing  to  send  on  more 
men,  an't  you  ?  Or  what  are  you  going  to  do  ?  IIow  are 
you  going  to  wind  the  business  up  ?'' 

Says  he,  "  I'm  too  tired  to  talk  over  my  plans  to-night. 
But  there's  no  need  of  your  going  right  back  to  Mexico  yet. 
Mr.  Trist  is  there,  and  I  can  trust  him  to  look  after  matters, 
and  you  had  better  jump  into  the  boat  with  us  in  the  morning 
and  take  a  trip  Down  East,  and  we  can  talk  on  the  way." 

About  five  o'clock  in  the  morning  the  President  rattled 
away  at  my  door,  and  waked  me  out  of  a  sound  sleep  ;  and 
when  he  found  I  wasn't  up,  says  he,  "  Major,  you  must  be 
spry,  or  you'll  be  too  late,  for  we're  off  at  six." 

I  was  up  and  dressed  about  the  quickest,  and  went  out,  and 
fact,  there  was  a  quarter  of  a  mile  of  soldiers  all  ready  to 
escort  us  to  the  boat.  And  down  we  went,  through  whole 
streets  full  of  men  and  women,  and  boys  and  gals,  of  all  sorts 
and  sizes,  some  running  and  crowding,  and  some  hollering 
and  hurrahing,  and  in  a  few  minutes  we  were  aboard  the 
steamboat,  and  the  bell  rung,  and  the  steamer  puffed,  and  off 
we  went  on  the  Sound  toward  Connecticut. 

The  President  had  a  little  room  all  to  himself,  and  he  made 
me  go  right  into  it  with  him,  and  he  sat  down  in  an  easy 
chair,  and  put  his  feet  upon  another,  and  says  he,  "  Major, 
I'm  glad  to  get  out  of  the  crowd  again  ;  we'll  take  a  few 
hours  of  rest  and  comfort  on  this  voyage.  This  being  Presi- 
dent, Major,  is  mighty  hard  work  ;  but,  after  all,  I  like  it. 
I've  had  a  glorious  time  of  it  in  New  York.  Everybody  was 
running  after  me,  and  it  seems  as  though  I  had  seen  every- 
thing.    I  feel  as  though  I  had   lived  through  a  whole  year  in 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  253 

these  three  days  ;  and  I  don't  believe  anybody  ever  received 
more  honors  in  so  short  a  space  of  time  in  this  country." 

"Well,"  says  I,  "  Colonel,  it  seems  to  me  a  pity  you  told 
the  folks  at  Baltimore,  the  other  day,  that  you  should  retire 
when  this  term  V7as  up.  You  might  go  two  terms,  as  Old 
Hickory  did,  jest  as  well  as  not,  you  are  so  popular." 

At  that  he  gave  me  a  tuck  in  the  ribs  and  a  sly  wink,  and 
says  he,  "  Major,  don't  you  understand  that  ?  Telling  of  'em 
I  shouldn't  stand  another  term  is  jest  the  way  to  make  'em 
the  more  fierce  to  have  me.  Don't  you  know  Anthony  said 
Csesar  refused  the  crown  three  times,  jest  so  as  to  be  more 
sure  of  having  it  placed  on  his  head.  And  just  see  how 
Santa  Anna  is  working  it  now  in  Mexico.  When  he  gets 
pretty  near  run  down,  and  shivering  in  the  wind,  and  nothing 
to  stand  upon,  he  sends  in  his  resignation,  with  a  long  patri- 
otic speech  about  shedding  the  last  drop  of  blood  for  his 
country,  and  all  that,  and  the  people  refuse  to  receive  his 
resignation,  and  cry  out,  '  Long  live  Santa  Anna  ! '  and 
away  he  goes  again,  and  drums  up  another  army  of  soldiers. 

"  But,  to  tell  the  truth,  Major,"  says  he,  "when  I  made  that 
remark  at  Baltimore,  I  had  some  little  notion  of  retiring.  Our 
party  was  so  cut  up,  things  looked  rather  dark  ahead,  and 
I  find  this  Mexican  war  something  of  a  bother  after  all.  Tay- 
lor and  Scott  commit  so  many  blunders,  I  had  really  then  some 
notion  of  retiring  when  this  term  is  up.  But,  since  I  got 
along  to  New  York,  things  seem  to  look  brighter.  I'm  pop- 
ular. Major,  I  know  I  am.  I  shouldn't  be  surprised  if  the 
Whigs  made  a  demonstration  in  my  favor  yet.  They  seemed 
very  fond  of  me  in  New  York  ;  and  so  did  everybody — every- 
body you  could  mention  ;  even  the  market-women  took  me  by 
the  hand  and  called  me  Young  Hickory,  and  gave  me  lots  of 
fruit.  There,  do  you  see  that  pineapple  on  the  table,  there  ?" 
says  he.     "That  was  given  to  me  at  the  Fulton  Market,  as 


254  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

we  were  going  over  to  Brooklyn  on  Saturday.*  Cut  a^ay, 
Major,  and  help  yourself  to  it  ;  it's  a  nice  one.  And  here's  a 
paper  of  most  excellent  tobacco,"  says  he,  "  that  was  present- 
ed to  me  at  the  same  time.  You  go  into  the  pineapple  and 
I'll  go  into  the  tobacco,  and  then  we'll  have  a  little  more  talk 
about  the  war." 

Jest  as  we  got  cleverly  under  way,  they  sung  out  aboard 
the  boat  for  the  passengers  to  get  ready  for  landing.  So  I 
must  cut  my  yarn  ofif  here  for  the  present  ;  but  likel}''  as  nut 
you'll  hear  from  me  again. 

Your  old  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


DOCKYMENT. 

From  the  National  Intelligencer. 

It  was  with  real  satisfaction  that  we  recognized  again,  yes- 
terday, among  our  letters  from  the  Post-Office,  the  handwrit- 
ing of  our  friend,  Major  Jack  Downing.  His  personal  asso- 
ciations, as  our  readers  know,  have  always  been  with  those 
who  have  made  it  a  mortal  oftense  in  us — even  to  the  extent 
of  denouncing  it  as  moral  treason — that  we  have  not  always 
approved  of  their  principles  or  their  measures  ;  but,  somehow 
or  other,  our  feelings  have  always  yearned  to  the  Major. 
There  is  such  a  transparent  honesty  in  all  his  thoughts,  and 
such  a  kindness  of  heart  perceptible  in  all  his  motions,  that 
we  would  rathor  at  any  time  receive  even  a  rebuke  from  him 


>.*  Editorial  Note. — This  is  no  embellishment  of  the  Major's,  but  a  literal 
fact.  When  the  procession  was  moving  down  Fulton  street,  to  go  to  Brook- 
lyn, a  market-woman  presented  the  President  a  pineapple,  and  another  per- 
son a  paper  of  choice  tobacco. 


OUT   OF   THE    SENATE. 


255 


than  the  praise  of  some*  folks.  If  it  be  a  pleasure  to  us,  as  it 
is,  to  be  able  to  differ  from  public  men,  to  canvass  their  meas- 
ures, and  even  to  censure  them  where  censure  is  deserved, 
without  cherishing  anything  like  personal  malice  toward 
them,  the  reader  may  imagine  what  value  we  place  upon  the 
correspondence  of  a  true-hearted  man  like  Major  Downing, 
who  has  not  suffered  his  friendship  for  us  to  be  sundered,  or 
even  shaken,  by  the  many  differences  of  opinion  about  men 
and  measures  that  have  grown  up  between  us  for  the  last 
dozen  or  fifteen  years. 

We  are  right  glad  to  understand,  from  what  he  says  at  the 
close  of  the  following  letter,  that  it  is  not  the  last  we  may  ex- 
pect from  the  Major  : 

LETTER  LII. 

PRESIDENT  POLK  AND  MAJOR  DOWNING  IN  THE  STATE  OF    MAINE. 

DowNiNGViLLE,  in  the  State  of  Maine,  July  6,  1847. 

Mr.  Gales  &  Seaton— 

MyDear  Old  Friends  :—My  letter  to  you  on  board  the  steam- 
boat on  Long  Island  Sound,  was  cut  off  so  short  by  the  bell's 
ringing  for  us  to  get  ready  to  go  ashore,  that  I  didn't  get  half 
through  telling  you  the  talk  I  had  with  the  President  that 
day  ;  and  we've  had  so  much  talk  since,  and  seen  so  much  on 
the  journey,  that  I  shan't  be  able  to  tell  you  one-half,  nor  a 
quarter  on't,  in  a  letter.  It  would  take  a  whole  book  to  give 
you  a  good  notion  of  the  whole  story.  But  the  President  will 
be  back  to  Washington  before  you  can  get  this  letter,  for  he 
started  to  go  back  last  Saturday  ;  so  you  can  get  the  whole 
account  of  the  journey  from  him.  He'll  be  delighted  to  set 
down  and  tell  you  all  about  it  ;  for  he's  been  amazingly 
pleased  with  the  whole  journey,  from  top  to  bottom.     He's 


256  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

been  on  his  high-heeled  boots  all  the  way.  Instead  of  growin' 
more  stoopin'  by  bowing  so  much,  it  seems  as  if  he  stood 
straighter  than  ever.  He  told  the  Governor,  in  his  speech  at 
Augusta,  Saturday  :  "  It  seldom  happens  that  the  course  of 
any  man's  life  is  marked  by  so  distinguished  a  reception  as  has 
been  accorded  to  me  to-day."  Well,  so  it  has  been  all  the  way 
along  ;  hurrahing,  and  complimenting,  and  firing,  and  speech- 
es, and  dinners,  and  suppers,  and  shaking  hands.  On  board 
the  steamboat,  from  Portland  to  x^ugusta,  we  got  a  little 
breathing  time,  and  had  a  good  long  talk. 

Says  the  President  to  me  :  ''  Now,  Major,"  says  he,  "  I  want 
you  to  be  candid.  No  one  is  a  true  friend  to  one  in  a  high 
station  unless  he  will  be  candid  and  speak  the  truth.  And 
now.  Major,  I  don't  want  you  to  flatter  me  ;  I  want  you  to  be 
candid,  and  tell  me  jest  what  you  think.  You  went  along 
with  President  Jackson  when  he  made  his  tour  Down  East, 
and  had  a  chance  to  see  the  whole  operation  ;  and  now  I  want 
you  to  tell  me  candidly,  if  you  think  the  people  was  any  more 
fond  of  him  than  they  are  of  me." 

"  Well,  now,  Colonel,"  says  I,  "  not  wishing  to  hurt  your 
feelins  at  all,  but  seein'  you've  asked  my  candid  opinion,  I 
won't  deny  but  what  the  people  are  very  fond  of  you,  amaz- 
ingly fond,  perhaps  as  fond  as  they  can  be.  But,  after  all, 
these  times  ain't  exactly  equal  to  Old  Hickory's  times." 

"  But  what  do  you  mean  ?"  says  he. 

"  Well,"  says  I,  "  the  people  all  seem  to  be  amazing  fond,  but 
somehow  it  seems  to  have  a  sort  of  mother-in-law  show  about  it  ; 
it  don't  seem  to  be  so  real  hearty  as  they  showed  to  Old 
Hickory" 

"  Well,  now,  Major,"  says  he,  and  he  reddened  a  little  when 
he  said  this  ;  says  he,  "  that  only  shows  how  strong  your  pre- 
judices set  in  favor  of  the  old  Gineral.  But  I  thought  you 
was  a  man  of  a  stronger  mind  and  sounder  judgment.     I  can't 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  25t 

agree  with  you  against  the  evidence  of  my  own  senses.  Did 
you  notice  all  the  way  along  how  thick  the  crowds  flocked 
around  me  to  shake  hands  with  me  ?" 

"  Yes,"  says  I  ;  "  but  they  didn't  go  it  with  such  a  rush  as 
they  did  when  my  old  friend,  the  Gineral,  come  this  way. 
They  jammed  around  him  so  that  they  had  to  climb  over  each 
other's  heads  to  get  at  him.  And  I  had  to  take  hold  some- 
times by  the  hour  together  and  help  him  shake  hands,  or  he 
never  would  have  got  through  with  one-half  of  'em." 

"  Well,  then,"  says  he,  "  did  you  mind  how  loud  they 
cheered  and  hurrahed  wherever  we  come  along  ?" 

"  Yes,  Colonel,"  says  I  ;  "  I  heard  all  that  ;  but,  my  gra- 
cious I  wherever  Old  Hickory  made  his  appearance,  the  crowd 
roared  right  out  like  thunder." 

"Well,  Major,"  says  he,  "  they  couldn't  beat  them  cheers 
that  the  Democrats  and  Captain  Rynders  give  me  at  Tam- 
many Hall,  I  know  ;  thunder  itself  couldn't  beat  that.  It's  no 
use,  Major,  for  you  to  argue  the  pint  ;  no  President  ever  re- 
ceived such  marks  of  honor  from  the  people  before — I  am  sure 
of  that  ;  I  mean  the  whole  people,  Federalists  as  well  as  Dem- 
ocrats— that  is,  if  there  is  any  such  people  as  Federalists  now 
days,  and  Mr.  Ritchie  says  there  is.  Only  think,  the  old  Fed- 
eral State  of  Massachusetts  did  the  business  up  as  handsome 
and  seemed  to  be  as  fond  of  me  as  Governor  Hill's  State  ;  I 
couldn't  see  any  difference.  You  must  confess.  Major,  that 
even  your  old  friend  Hickory  didn't  receive  so  much  honor  in 
Massachusetts  as  I  have." 

"  Well,  now,"  says  I,  "  Colonel,  I  don't  want  to  hurt  your 

feelin's,  but  you  are  just  as  much  mistaken  as  you  was  when 

you  sent  old  Rough  and  Ready  into  Mexico.     Have  you  forgot 

how  they  took  the  old   Gineral  into  Cambridge  College  and 

made  a  doctor  of  him  ?  " 

"  Who  cares  for  that  ?"  says  the  Colonel  ;  says  he,  turning 
11-4. 


258  MY   THIRTY   YEARS 

up  his  nose,  "Didn't  the  Democrats  and  Captain  Rynders 
take  me  into  Tammany  Hall,  and  make  a  Tammany  of  me  ?'^ 
No,  no,  Major  Downing,  it's  no  use  for  you  to  argue  the  pint 
against  my  popularity,  for  I've  got  eyes,  and  I  can  see  ;  and 
I  tell  you,  and  I  want  you  to  mark  my  words,  I  tell  you  I'm 
more  popular  with  the  whole  people  than  ever  old  Hickory 
was  in  all  his  life.  He  was  very  popular  with  the  Democrat- 
ic party,  but  I  am  fully  persuaded  he  hadn't  such  a  hold  upon 
the  affections  of  the  whole  people  as  I  have." 

Here  the  President  got  up  and  walked  about  the  floor,  and 
seemed  in  a  deep  study.  At  last  says  he  :  "  Major,  I  missed 
a  figger  in  my  speech  at  Baltimore  t'other  day  ;  and  I  don't 
know  exactly  how  to  get  over  it." 

"  How  so  ?"  says  I. 

♦'  Why,"  says  he,  "  I  ought  not  to  have  said,  right  up  and 
down,  pint  blank,  that  I  should  retire  when  this  term  is  up. 
I  should  only  talked  about  my  desire  to  retire  to  private  life. 
I  was  too  hasty,  and  committed  mj^self  too  soon.  There  nev- 
er was  a  better  chance  for  anybody  to  be  elected  than  there  is 
for  me  now,  if  I  hadn't  made  that  unfortunate  remark.  Jack- 
son stood  twice,  and  Jefferson  stood  twice,  and  I  suppose  it  is 
really  my  duty  to  serve  my  country  as  long  as  they  did.  But 
if  I  should  undertake  to  run  agin,  I  s'pose  they  would  be 
throwing  that  Baltimore  speech  in  my  teeth." 

"Well,  now,"  says  I,  "  Colonel,  can't  you  see  your  way  out 
of  that  ?  You  wasn't  born  Down  East  so  fur  as  I  was.  It's 
no  great  of  a  job  to  get  over  that  trouble." 

At  that  the  President  brightened  up  a  good  deal,  and  says 
he,  "  Well,  Major,  I'll  tell  you  what  'tis,  if  you'll  get  me  over 
that  difficulty  handsomely,  when  we  come  to   have   another 


*  Editorial  Note.— While  in  New  York,  President  Polk  was  initiated  into 
the  Order  of  St.  Tammany. 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  259 

shuffle  for  the  offices,  you  may  choose  any  card  in  the  pack, 
and  you  shall  have  it." 

"  Well,  says  I,  "  Colonel,  about  that  remark  of  yourn  at 
Baltimore,  that  j^ou  should  give  up  when  this  term  is  out,  all 
you've  got  to  do  is  to  get  Mr.  Ritchie  to  take  it  back  in  the 
Union  ;  let  him  declare  that  it  was  only  a  sort  of  speculation, 
hastily  thrown  out,  without  much  consideration,  and  that,  so 
far  as  he  understands,  neither  the  President  nor  any  of  his 
Cabinet  entertains  any  such  views.  Then  you  can  go  along 
just  as  smooth  and  safe  as  if  nothing  had  happened." 

"  Fact,  that's  it,"  says  the  Colonel,  snapping  his  fingers  ; 
"  strange  I  didn't  think  of  that  before.  Major,  you  do  beat 
all  for  working  out  of  difficulties  !  I  believe  I'll  make  up  my 
mind  to  go  ahead  another  term  ;  I  don't  see  anything  in  the 
way.  I'll  tell  you  how  I  think  of  working  it.  I've  been 
reading  over  this  letter  of  Taylor's  to  the  Cincinnati  Signal. 
He's  an  old  head,  but  he  an't  agoing  to  come  another  Bona 
Vista  blunder  over  me.  If  I  don't  take  the  wind  out  of  his 
sails  before  long,  I'll  engage  to  make  him  King  of  Mexico. 
And  I'll  try  him  on  his  own  tack,  too.  I'll  come  out  and  de- 
clare that  I  won't  be  the  candidate  of  no  party  neither,  and 
throw  myself  upon  the  people.  I'm  convinced,  from  what  I've 
seen  on  this  journey,  that  the  Whigs  will  go  for  me  almost  to 
a  man.  Van  Buren  and  Wright,  who  say  I'm  not  the  man  for 
the  Northern  Democrats,  may  go  to  grass.  I  go  for  the 
people,  the  whole  people,  and  nothing  but  the  people." 

"  Well,"  says  I,  "  Colonel,  that's  the  road  ;  and  I  wish  you 
a  pleasant  and  prosperous  journey." 

We  had  some  more  talk  about  the  war  before  we  reached 
Augusta,  but  I  haven't  got  time  to  explain  to  you  the  Presi- 
dent's views  about  it  in  this  letter.  He  says  he  means  to 
keep  a  tight  rein  over  Taylor,  and  not  let  him  do  much  ;  and 
when  he  does  do  anything,  make  him  report  it  to  the  Govern- 


260  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

ment,  through  Scott.  I  asked  him  if  he  wasn't  afraid  of 
making  too  tall  a  man  out  of  Scott  by  placing  him  on  Taylor's 
shoulders  ;  and  he  said  no — he  should  look  out  for  that  ;  and 
if  he  see  an}^  danger  of  it,  he  should  make  Scott  report  to  the 
Government  through  Mr.  Trist. 

After  we  visited  Augusta,  and  Hallowell,  and  Gardiner,  I 
tried  to  get  the  President  to  go  out  to  Downiugville,  but  he 
said  he  didn't  think  it  would  do  for  him  to  stop  any  longer 
this  time,  though  there  was  no  place  in  the  country  that  he 
was  more  anxious  to  see  ;  and  he  promised,  the  first  leisure 
time  he  could  get,  to  make  a  flying  visit  there.  I  asked  him 
if  he  didn't  think  it  would  do  for  me  to  go  out  and  stop  a  day 
or  two,  as  I  hadn't  seen  Uncle  Joshua,  or  Ant  Keziali,  or  any 
of  'em  there  for  a  long  time.  He  said  certainly,  by  all  means, 
and  he  would  hurry  back  to  Washington  and  have  things  all 
cut  and  dried  by  the  time  I  got  back  along,  so  that  we  could 
make  up  our  minds  at  once  what  is  best  to  be  done,  in  order 
to  keep  Scott  and  Taylor  in  the  traces,  and  curb  'em  in. 
Your  old  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LIII. 

MAJOR  DOWNING,  ON  THE  ROAD  TO  THE  WAR,  SITS  DOWN  BY  THE  ROAD- 
SIDE AND  WRITES  TO  THE  EDITORS  OF  THE  NATIONAL  INTELLIGENCER 
AN  ACCOUNT  OF  HIS  INTERVIEW  WITH  PRESIDENT  POLK  AND  OLD  MR. 
RITCHIE,  EDITOR  OF  THE  GOVERNMENT  ORGAN. 

On  THE  Road  to  the  War,  August — ,  1841. 

Mr.  Gales  &  Seaton — 

My  Dear  Old  Friends  : — I  s'pose  you'll  be  amazinly  disa- 
pinted  to  find  I'm  away  off  here,  pushin'  on  to  the  seat  of  war, 
and  didn't  call  to  see  you  when  I  come  through  Washington. 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE. 


261 


But  you  musn't  blame  me  for  it,  for  I  couldn't  help  it  ;  the 
President  wouldn't  let  me  call  ;  he  said  I  was  getting  quite 
too  thick  with  you,  writing  letters  to  you  and  all  that.  And 
when  he  spoke  about  the  letters,  he  looked  a  kind  of  red  and 


'^^.;-> 


ON   THE    ROAD    TO    THE    WAR. 

showed  considerable  spunk.  But  now  I  am  away  off  here 
where  the  President  won't  see  me,  so  Pll  set  right  down  by 
the  side  of  the  road  and  write  you  a  good  long  letter.  The 
President  was  a  little  touched  at  first,  when  I  see  him. 

Says  he,  "  Major  Downing,  I  have  put  a  good  deal  of  confi- 


262  MY    TPIIRTY    YEARS 

dence  in  you  as  a  friend  of  my  Administration  ;  and  if  you 
are  a  friend  to  it,  you  must  let  Gales  and  Seaton  alone  ;  keep 
out  of  tlieir  way,  and  have  nothing  to  do  with  them  ;  they  are 
dangerous,  mischief-making  fellers,  eternally  peckin'  at  my 
Administration,  all  weathers.  Let  me  try  to  keep  things  ever 
so  snug,  and  lay  my  plans  ever  so  deep,  they  are  sure  to  dig 
them  all  up,  lug  them  into  the  Intelligencer,  and  blaze  'em  all 
over  the  country.  Confound  their  picturs,  they  are  the  most 
troublesome  customers  an  Administration  ever  had  ;  they've 
come  pretty  near  swamping  me  two  or  three  times.  So,  if 
you  are  my  friend,  I  warn  you  not  to  be  so  thick  with  Gales 
and  Seaton." 

"  Well,"  says  I,  "  Colonel,  you  know  I  am  a  friend  to  you  and 
your  Administration,  as  much  as  I  ever  was  to  the  old  Gine- 
ral  and  his  Administration  ;  and  I  shall  stand  by  you  and  do 
everything  lean  to  help  you  out  of  this  scrape  you've  got  into 
about  the  war.  But  I  don't  know  as  that  need  to  make  mo 
break  with  Gales  and  Seaton.  We've  been  old  friends  so 
long,  it  would  be  kind  of  hard  for  me  to  give  'em  up  now  ; 
and  I  don't  hardly  think  they  are  quite  so  bad  as  you  think 
for.  They  may  not  mean  to  do  you  so  much  hurt  when  they 
put  these  things  into  their  paper,  and  only  put  them  in  be- 
cause the}^  think  folks  want  to  know  what's  goin'  on.  Mr. 
Ritchie  sometimes  puts  things  into  his  paper  that  folks  Ihink 
don't  do  you  no  good." 

The  President  give  two  or  three  hard  chaws  upon  his  cud 
of  tobacco,  and  says  he  :  "  Yes,  Major,  that's  too  true,  it  must 
be  confessed  ;  and  it  annoys  me  beyond  all  patience.  But 
then  I  have  to  forgive  it,  and  overlook  it,  because  Mr.  Ritchie 
don't  mean  it.  The  old  gentleman  is  always  sorry  for  it,  and 
always  willing  to  take  it  back.  And  then  he's  such  a  tuff  old 
feller  to  fight  the  Federalists,  I  can't  have  a  heart  to  scold  at 
him  much  about  his  mistakes  and  blunders." 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  263 


"Well,"  says  I,  "  Colonel,  being  youVe  named  Federalists, 
I  want  to  know  if  any  of  them  animals  is  really  supposed  to 
be  alive  anywhere  in  the  country,  now-a-days.  Seeing  sich 
awful  accounts  about  'em  in  the  Union  paper  all  the  time,  I  in- 
quired all  the  way  along  through  New  England,  where  they 
used  to  be  the  thickest,  and  I  couldn't  get  track  of  one  ;  and 
when  I  asked  the  folks  if  there  was  any  Federalists  anywhere 
in  them  quarters,  they  all  stared  at  me,  and  said  they  didn't 
know  what  sort  of  critters  they  was.  When  I  got  to  Down- 
ingville,  I  asked  Uncle  Joshua  about  it.  He  said,  in  his  young- 
er days  there  used  to  be  considerable  many  of  'em  about,  but 
they  wasn't  thought  to  be  dangerous,  for  they  never  was  much 
given  to  fighting.  But  he  said  he  guessed  they'd  all  died  out 
lono-  ago  for  he  hadn't  come  across  one  these  twenty  years. 
So  now,  Colonel,"  says  I,  "how  is  it  they  are  so  thick  in  Mr. 
Ritchie's  paper  all  the  time  ?" 

At  that  he  give  me  a  very  knowing  kind  of  a  look,  and 
lowered  his  voice  down  almost  to  a  whisper  ;  and  says  he, 
"Major  I'll  tell  you  how  that  is.  When  Mr.  Ritchie  was  a 
young  man,  he  used  to  fight  a  good  deal  with  the  Federalists, 
and  took  a  good  deal  of  pride  in  it ;  and  now  the  fancies  and 
scenes  of  his  youth  all  seem  to  come  back  fresh  to  his  mmd, 
and  he  can't  think  or  talk  about  anything  else.  You  know 
that's  oftentimes  the  way  with  old  people.  As  he  always  used 
to  have  the  name  of  a  smart  fighter,  I  give  him  the  command 
of  the  newspaper  battery  here  to  defend  my  Administration. 
But  'twas  as  great  a  mistake  as  'twas  when  I  sent  Taylor  into 
Mexico  ;  I  didn't  know  my  man.  No  matter  what  forces  was 
gathering  to  overthrow  my  Administration,  Mr.  Ritchie  some- 
how didn't  seem  to  see  'em  ;  no  matter  how  hard  they  fired  at 
me  he  didn't  seem  to  hear  it ;  and  when  I  called  to  him  to 
fire'  back,  he  would  rouse  up  and  touch  off  a  few  squibs  with 
about  as  good  aim  as  the  boys  take  when  they  fire  crackers 


264  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

on  the  4th  of  July,  and  did  about  as  much  execution.  At  last 
I  found  out  a  way  that  I  could  make  the  old  veteran  fight  like 
a  Turk,  and  hold  on  like  a  bull-dog.  It  was  by  giving  him  a 
notion  at  any  time  that  he  was  fighting  with  Federalists. 
Since  I  made  that  discovery,  he's  been  more  help  to  me. 
Whenever  I  see  the  enemy  intrenching  himself  around  me, 
and  bringing  up  his  batteries  to  fire  into  my  Administration, 
all  I  have  to  do  is  to  whisper  in  Mr.  Ritchie's  ear  and  say, 
'Mr.  Ritchie,  the  air  smells  of  Federalism  ;  you  may  depend 
upon  it  there  is  Federalists  abroad  somewhere.'  In  a  minute, 
you've  no  idea  with  what  fury  the  old  gentleman  flies  round, 
and  mounts  his  heaviest  guns,  and  sets  his  paper  battery  in  a 
roar.  His  shots  fly  right  and  left,  and  sometimes  knock  down 
friends  as  well  as  foes.  To  be  sure,  they  don't  make  a  very 
great  impression  upon  the  enemy  ;  but  then  there's  this  ad- 
vantage in  it :  if  he  don't  kill  or  beat  off  the  enemy,  he  keeps 
the  Administration  so  perfectly  covered  up  with  smoke  that 
the  enemy  can't  see  half  the  time  where  to  fire  at  us.  On 
the  whole,  Mr.  Ritchie  is  a  valuable  man  to  my  Administra- 
tion, notwithstanding  all  his  mistakes  and  blunders." 

Jest  then  the  door  opened,  and  who  should  come  in  but  Mr. 
Ritchie  himself.  As  he  opened  the  door  he  ketched  the  sound 
of  the  two  last  words  the  President  was  saying. 

*'  Mistakes  and  blunders  1"  says  Mr.  Ritchie  ;  says  he, 
"  What,  have  you  got  something  more  of  Scott  and  Taylor's 
blundering-  in  Mexico  ?  " 

"Nothing  more,  to-day,"  says  the  President;  "  I  was  only 
telling  ^Ntajor  Downing  how  their  blunders  there  have  come 
pretty  near  ruining  the  country,  and  how  it  is  absolutely  ne- 
cessary to  get  the  staff  out  of  their  hands,  somehow  or  other, 
before  they  quite  finish  the  job.  I'm  going,  now,  to  try  one 
more  plan,  Mr.  Ritchie  ;  but  be  careful  that  you  don't  say 
anything  about  it  in  the  Union  and  blow  it  all  up.     I  tried 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE. 


265 


once  to  send  Colonel  Benton  on  for  the  same  purpose,  and 
Congress  blowed  that  up.  Then  I  sent  Trist  on  for  the  same 
purpose,  and  Scott  has  blown  him  up.  Now,  I'm  agoing  to  send 
Major  Downing,  not  as  a  regular  open  ambassador,  but  as  a 
sort  of  watch  upon  them,  you  know,  to  work  round  and  do  the 
business  up  before  anybody  knows  it.  He  isn't  to  go  to  Scott 
nor  Taylor,  nor  have  anything  to  do  with  'em,  but  work  his 
way  into  Mexico,  and  go  right  to  Santa  Anna  and  knock  up  a 


THE  MAJOR,  THE  PRESIDENT  AND   MR,  RITCHIE. 


bargain  with  him.  I  don't  care  what  he  gives.  The  fact  is,  Mr. 
Ritchie,  the  country  needs  peace,  and  I'll  have  peace,  cost 
what  it  will." 

"  An  excellent  idea,"  says  Mr.  Ritchie  ;  "  an  excellent  plan, 
sir.  I'm  for  peace  at  all  hazards,  if  it  is  to  be  found  anywhere 
in  Mexico — that  is,  if  we  can  get  hold  of  it  before  Scott  or 
Taylor  does.     And  I  think  Major  Downing  is  just  the  man  for 


266  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

it — a  true,  stanch  Democratic  Republikau  ;  and  whatever  lie 
does  will  go  for  the  benefit  of  the  Administration.  Now  the 
country's  shins  are  aching  pretty  bad  with  the  war,  if  we 
can  fix  up  a  good  smooth  peace  right  off,  and  not  let  Scott  nor 
Taylor  have  any  hand  in  it,  who  knows,  Mr.  President,  but  it 
might  make  our  Administration  so  popular  that  3'ou  and  I 
might  both  be  elected  to  serve  another  four  years  ?  But 
when  is  the  Major  to  start  ?" 

"  Right  off,  to-night,"  says  the  President,  "  or  rather,  in  the 
morning,  before  daylight — before  anybody  in  Washington 
finds  out  that  he  has  got  back  from  Dowuingville.  I  have 
forbid  his  calling  at  the  Intelligencer  oflBce,  and  I  don't  want 
they  should  find  out  or  mistrust  that  he's  been  here.  If  they 
should  get  wind  of  the  movement,  they  would  be  sure  to  throw 
some  constitutional  difficulty  in  the  way,  and  try  to  make  a 
bad  botch  of  the  business." 

The  President  shet  me  into  his  room  and  charged  me  not  to 
leave  the  house,  while  he  sent  for  Mr.  Buchanan  and  Mr. 
Marc3^  to  fix  up  my  private  instructions.  While  he  was  gone 
Mr.  Ritchie  fixed  me  up  a  nice  little  bundle  of  private  instruc- 
tions, too,  on  his  own  hook,  meddled,  he  said,  on  the  Virginia 
Resolutions  of  '98.  Presently  the  President  came  back  Avith 
my  budget  all  ready,  and  give  me  my  instructions,  and  filled 
my  pockets  with  rations,  and  told  me  how  to  draw  whenever 
I  wanted  money  ;  and  before  daylight  I  was  off  a  good  piece 
on  the  road  to  the  war. 

To-day  I  met  a  man  going  on  to  carry  letters  to  the  Gov- 
ernment from  Gineral  Scott's  side  of  the  war,  and  I  made  him 
stop  a  little  w^hile  to  take  this  letter  to  you  ;  for  I  was  afraid 
you  might  begin  to  think  I  was  dead.  He  says  Scott  is  quite 
wrathy  about  the  Trist  business,  and  wants  to  push  right  on 
and  take  the  city  of  Mexico,  but  Mr.  Trist  is  disposed  to  wait 
and  see  if  he  can't  make  a  bargain   with  Santa  Anna's  men.^ 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  267 

I  shall  push  along  as  fast  as  I  can,  and  get  into  the  city  of 
Mexico,  if  possible,  before  Scott  does  ;  and  if  I  only  once  get 
hold  of  Santa  Anna,  I  have  no  doubt  I  shall  make  a  trade. 

I  don't  know  yet  whether  I  shall  take  Scott's  road  or  Tay- 
lor's road  to  go  to  the  city  of  Mexico  ;  it  will  depend  a  little 
upon  the  news  I  get  on  the  way.  Two  or  three  times,  when  I 
have  been  stopping  to  rest,  I  have  been  looking  over  my  pri- 
vate instructions.     They  are  lust  rate,  especially  Mr.  Ritchie's. 

I  remain  your  old  friend,  and  the   President's  private  Em- 

b as seder 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


DOCKYMENT. 

A  day  or  two  after  the  foregoing  letter  was  published  in 
the  Intelligencer,  the  following  belligerent  editorial  appeared 
in  the  Government  organ,  the  Washington  Union,  then  edited 
by  the  veteran  and  venerable  Thomas  Ritchie  : 

"  Jack  Downing. — We  enjoy  wit,  and  have  no  objection  to 
waggery.  We  can  excuse  it,  even  when  the  joke  is  made  at 
our  own  expense.  But  then  we  have  a  right  to  ask  if  the  wit 
be  '  good,'  and  the  waggery  *  genuine  ?  ' 

"  To  this  issue  we  are  brought  by  a  letter  in  Wednesday's 
National  Intelligencer,  headed,  *  Another  Letter  from  Major 
Downing,'  and  signed  ostensibly  by  '  Major  Jack  Downing.' 
The  question  with  us  is,  is  this  the  veritable  Major  Jack 
Downing  ?  or  is  it  some  inferior  wag,  some  '  counterfeit  pre- 
sentment,' who  assumes  the  mask  .and  name  of  the  true  Jack 
Downing,  and  passes  off  his  spurious  coin  for  the  solid  bul- 
lion of  that  original  wit  and  wag.  Jack  Downing  ?  It  is  not 
because  its  writer  makes  fun  of  us  that  we  raise  the  question. 
It  is  not  because  he  jeers  at  our  blunders,  or  our  Republican 
principles  of  yore,  that  we  doubt  his  identity.     To  some  blun- 


268  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

ders  we  cannot  but  plead  guilty,  though  they  have  been  ex- 
cessively magnified  by  the  scribblers  of  the  day,  and  though 
they  are  generally,  by  some  extraordinary  cross  purposes,  more 
the  work  of  others  than  of  our  own.  Of  the  firmness  of  our 
opinions,  indorsed,  as  they  have  been,  by  the  principles  of 
Jefferson  and  the  '  resolutions'  of  Madison,  we  have  no  reason 
to  be  ashamed.  But  if  there  was  any  very  extraordinary 
humor  in  the  letters  of  this  fictitious  '  Jack  Downing ' — if 
there  was  any  of  the  wit  and  naivete  of  the  original  Jack 
Downing — the  worthy  C.  A.  D.,  of  New  York,  the  one  who 
universally  passes  as  the  author  of  the  Downing  Letters — we 
should  give  him  the  credit  he  deserves.  It  is  not  because  wc 
happen  to  be  the  subject  of  his  last  letter  that  we  protest 
against  his  pretensions  ;  but  because  we  happen  to  know  that 
the  present  Jack  Downing,  who  has  written  three  letters  in  a 
mask  for  the  National  Intelligencer,  is  not  the  Simon  Pure, 
but  a  counterfeit  presentment — in  other  words,  something  of 
the  literary  *  jackdaw  in  the  peacock's  plumes.'  And  we  fear 
that  our  friends  of  the  National  Intelligencer  knew  that  they 
were  palming  off  this  amusing  trick  upon  their  readers  when 
they  hailed,  with  such  cordial  acclamation,  the  receipt  of  the 
two  first  letters  of  *  Jack  Downing,'  and  when  they  introduced 
the  letter  of  Wednesday  as  'Another  Letter  from  Jack  Down- 
ing.' We  undertake  to  say  positively  that  these  letters  in 
the  Intelligencer  are  something  of  humbugs  ;  that  they  are 
not  written  by  the  original  Jack  Downing,  of  New  York  ; 
that  he  has  not  employed  that  signature  since  the  days  of  Old 
Hickory  ;  and  that  he  would  be  the  last  man  to  satirize  the 
President  or  his  administration.  Therefore,  we  strip  the  mask 
off  from  the  counterfeit,  and  repeat  the  motto  of  the  In- 
telligencer— '  Ridentem,  dicere  verum  quid  vetal  ?' 

"We  seize  the  same  opportunity  to  say  that  we,  too,  may 
have  done  unconscious  injustice  to  Jack  Downing  himself 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  269 

when,  mistaking  one  person  for  another  of  similar  name,  we 
asked  whether  any  of  the  blood  of  Jack  Downing  could  flow 
in  the  veins  of  the  author  of  the  letters  of  the  '  Genevese 
Traveler,'  in  the  London  Times.  The  very  question  was  cal- 
culated to  mislead  our  readers,  as  we  find  upon  better  infor- 
mation ;  but  we  correct  our  blunder,  at  the  hazard  of  pro- 
vokiug  the  laughter  even  of  this  mock  Jack  Downing." 


LETTER  LIV. 

As  soon  as  Major  Downing  received  the  Union  containing 
the  editorial  outburst  of  Mr.  Ritchie,  he  replied  to  the  veteran 
politician,  through  the  Intelligencer,  in  the  following  concili- 
atory and  soothing  terms  : 

,  September,  1847. 

To  Mr.  Kite/lie,  .Editor  of  the   Government  Organ,  Washington. 

My  Dear  Old  Friend  : — I've  jest  got  the  Union,  containing 
the  broadside  you  fired  at  me,  and  I'm  amazingly  struck  up, 
and  my  feelins  is  badly  hurt,  to  see  that  you've  got  so  bewil- 
dered that  you  seemingly  don't  know  me.  It's  a  melancholy 
sign  when  old  folks  get  so  bewildered  that  they  mistake  their 
oldest  and  best  friends,  one  for  t'other.  Why,  your  head  is 
turned  right  round.  How  could  you  say  that  I  was  "  a  ficti- 
tious Major  Jack  Downing  ?  "  and  that  my  last  letter  to  you 
was  a  "trashy  forgery?"  and  that  you  would  "strip  the 
mask  from  me  ? "  I  feel  bad  now  about  writing  my  last  letter 
to  you,  for  I'm  afraid  you  took  it  too  hard.  I  beg  of  you  now, 
my  dear  friend,  to  let  all  drop  right  where  'tis  ;  leave  Mr. 
Burke  to  do  the  burkin'  and  the  fightin',  and  you  go  right  out 
into  the  country  and  put  yourself  under  the  "  cold-water  cure" 
somewhere,  and  see  if  j^our  head  won't  come  right  again.  I 
"  fictitious,"  and   you  going  to  "strip  the  mask  from  me  1 " 


270  Mr   THIRTY    YEARS 

Why,  my  dear  friend,  if  you  could  only  be  up  here  five 
minutes,  and  jest  lift  the  mask  off  of  my  face  one  minute, 
you'd  know  me  jest  as  easy  as  the  little  boy  knew  his  daddy. 
Your  head  couldnH  be  so  turned  but  what  you'd  know  me  ;  for 
you'd  see  then  the  very  same  old  friend  that  stood  by  you  and 
Gineral  Jackson  fifteen,  sixteen,  and  eighteen  years  ago  ;  the 
same  old  friend  that  coaxed  up  Gineral  Jackson,  and  made 
him  forgive  you  for  calling  him  such  hard  names  before  he 
was  elected.  It's  very  ungrateful  for  you  to  forget  me  now — 
that  is,  if  you  was  in  your  right  mind.  For  I'm  the  same  old 
friend,  the  same  Jack  Downing  that  was  born  and  brought  up 
in  Downingville,  away  Down  East,  in  the  State  of  Maine,  and 
that  drove  down  to  Portland  in  Jinnerwary,  1830,  with  a  load  of 
ax-handles  and  bean-poles,  and  found  the  Legislater  in  a  dread- 
ful snarl,  all  tied  and  tangled,  and  see-sawin'  up  and  down  a 
whole  fortnight,  and  couldn't  choose  their  ofiicers.  I  found 
my  ax-handles  and  bean-poles  wouldn't  sell,  so  I  took  to  poly- 
tix,  and  went  to  writin'  letters.  The  Legislater  font  and  fout 
all  winter  ;  but  I  kept  writin',  and  at  last  I  got  'em  straitened 
out.  I  kept  on  writin'  for  a  whole  year,  and  got  the  polytix 
of  Maine  pretty  well  settled.  Then  I  see  Gineral  Jackson 
was  getting  into  trouble,  and  I  footed  it  on  to  Washington  to 
give  him  a  lift.  And  you  know  I  always  stuck  by  him  after- 
ward as  long  as  he  lived.  I  helped  him  fight  the  battles  with 
Biddle's  monster  bank  till  we  killed  it  off.  I  helped  him  put 
down  nullification,  and  showed  exactly  how  it  would  work  if  it 
go*t  the  upper  hand,  in  my  letter  about  carrying  the  raft  of  logs 
across  Sebago  Pond,  when  Bill  Johnson  got  mad  and  swore 
he'd  have  his  log  all  to  himself,  and  so  he  cut  the  lashings 
and  paddled  off  on  his  log  alone  ;  and  then  his  log  begun  to  roll, 
and  he  couldn't  keep  it  steady,  and  he  got  ducked  head  over 
heels  half  a  dozen  times,  and  come  pesky  near  being  drowned. 
And  that  wasn't  all  I  did  to  keep  off  nullification  and  help  put 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  271 

it  down.  I  brought  on  my  old  company  of  Downingville 
malitia  to  Washington,  under  the  command  of  Cousin  Sargent 
Joel,  and  kept  'em  there,  with  their  guns  all  loaded,  till  the 
danger  was  over.  And  I  used  to  go  up  top  of  the  Congress 
House  every  day,  and  keep  watch,  and  listen  off  toward  South 
Carolina,  so  as  to  be  ready,  the  first  moment  nullification  bust 
up  there,  to  order  Sargent  Joel  to  march  and  fire.  The  Gineral 
always  said  the  spunk  I  showed  was  what  cowed  nullification 
down  so  quick,  and  he  always  felt  very  grateful  to  me  for  it. 
Well,  I  stuck  by  the  Gineral  all  weathers  ;  and  I  kept  writ- 
in'  letters  from  Washington  to  my  old  friend,  the  editor  of  the 
Portland  Courier,  and  kept  old  Hickory's  popularity  alive 
among  the  people,  and  didn't  let  nobody  meddle  with  his  Ad- 
ministration to  hurt  it.  Well,  then,  you  know,  the  Gineral, 
in  the  summer  of  1832,  started  off  on  his  grand  tower  Down 
East,  and  I  went  with  him.  You  remember,  when  we  got  to 
Philadelphy,  the  people  sw^armed  round  him  so  thick  they  al- 
most smothered  him  to  death  ;  and  the  Gineral  got  so  tired 
shakin'  hands  that  he  couldn't  give  another  shake,  and  come 
pretty  near  faintin'  away  ;  and  then  I  put  my  hand  round  un- 
der his  arm,  and  shook  for  him  half  an  hour  longer,  and  so  we 
made  out  to  get  through.  I  sent  the  whole  account  of  it  to 
my  old  friend  of  the  Portland  Courier.  Well,  then  we  jogged 
along  to  New  York  ;  and  there,  you  remember,  we  come  pes- 
ky near  getting  a  ducking  when  the  bridge  broke  down  at 
Castle  Garden.  I  sent  the  whole  account  of  it  to  my  old 
Portland  friend.  Well,  the  next  day  your  "  original"  Major 
Downing  published  his  first  original  letter  in  a  New  York 
paper,  giving  an  account  of  the  ducking  at  Castle  Garden. 
Nobody  couldn't  dispute  but  this  was  the  true,  ginuine,  "  orig- 
inal "  Downing  document,  although  my  "  vile  imitations  "  of  it 
had  been  going  on  and  published  almost  every  week  for  two 
years.     I  say  nobody  couldn't  dispute  it,  because  'twas  proved 


272  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

by  Scripture  and  poetry  both.  For  the  Bible  says,  "  The 
first  shall  be  last,  and  the  last  first;"  and  poetry  says, 
"  Coming  events  cast  their  shadows  before."  So  the  shadows, 
the  "  vile  imitations,"  had  been  flying  about  the  country  for 
more  than  two  years  before  the  original  event  got  along.  I 
hope  your  head  will  get  settled  again,  so  that  you  can  see 
through  these  things  and  understand  'em,  and  know  me  jest 
as  you  used  to.  I  can't  bear  the  idea  of  your  not  knowing 
me,  and  thinking  I'm  "fictitious." 

Du  try  to  refresh  your  mind  a  little  ;  think  how  I  stood  by 
you  and  Mr.  Polk,  and  helped  you  along  through  the  Mexican 
war  ;  and  how  I  carried  out  dispatches  from  Mr.  Polk  to  Mr. 
Trist,  in  Mexico,  and  how  I  carried  a  private  message  from 
you  to  Gineral  Taylor,  to  try  to  coax  it  out  of  him  which  side 
he  was  coming  out  on. 

Good-by,  my  dear  friend  ;  I  hope  next  time  I  hear  from 
you,  3^ou  will  be  recovered  and  in  your  right  mind,  so  as  to 
know  me  and  see  that  I  an't  "  fictitious  ;  "  for  you  haven't  got 
a  truer  friend  on  Mason  and  Dixon's  side  of  Salt  River  than 
your  old  friend. 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LY. 

MAJOR    DOWNING's    FIRST    DISPATCHES  FROM   THE  CITY  OF  MEXICO. 

City  of  Mexico,  United  States,  September  27,  1847. 

AFr.  Gales  &  Seaton — 

My  Dear  Old  Friexd  : — I'm  alive  yet,  though  I've  been 
through  showers  of  balls  as  thick  as  hailstones.  I  got 
your  paper  containing  my  letter  that  I  wrote  on  the  road 
to   the    war.     The    letters    I    wrote  afterward,  the  guerrillas 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  2l3 

and  robbers  aic  so  thick,  I  lliink  it's  ten  chances  to  one 
if  you  got  'em.  Some  of  Gineral  Scott's  letters  is  missing 
just  in  the  same  way.  Now  we've  got  the  city  of  Mexico 
annexed,  I  think  tlic  Postmaster-General  ought  to  have  a  more 
regular  line  of  stages  running  here,  so  our  letters  may  go 
safe.  I  wish  you  would  touch  the  President  and  Mr.  Johnson 
up  a  little  about  this  mail-stage  business,  so  they  may  keep 
all  the  coach  makers  at  work,  and  see  that  the  farmers  raise 
horses  as  fast  as  they  can,  for  I  don't  think  they  have  any  idea 
how  long  the  roads  is  this  way,  nor  how  fast  we  are  gainiug 
south.  If  we  keep  on  annexin'  as  fast  as  we  have  done  a  year 
or  two  past,  it  wouldn't  take  much  more  than  half  a  dozen 
years  to  get  clear  down  to  t'other  end  of  South  America,  clear 
to  Cape  Horn,  which  would  be  a  very  good  stopping  place  ; 
for  then,  if  our  Government  got  into  bad  sledding  in  North 
America,  and  found  themselves  in  a  dilemma  that  hadn't  no 
horn  to  suit  'em,  they  would  have  a  horn  in  South  America 
that  they  might  hold  on  to. 

I  hope  there  an't  no  truth  in  the  story  that  was  buzz'd  about 
here  in  the  army,  a  day  or  two  ago,  that  Mr.  Polk  had  an  idea, 
when  we  get  through  annexin'  down  this  way,  of  trying  his 
hand  at  it  over  in  Europe  and  Africa,  and  round  there.  And 
to  prevent  any  quarreling  beforehand  about  it  on  this  side  of 
the  water,  he's  agoing  to  agree  to  run  the  Missouri  Compro- 
mise line  over  there,  and  cut  Europe  up  into  Free  States  and 
Africa  into  Slave  States.  Notv,  I  think  he  had  better  keep 
still  about  that  till  we  get  this  South  America  buainess  all 
done,  and  well  tied  up.  It  isn't  well  for  a  body  to  have  too 
much  business  on  his  hands  at  once.  There's  no  knowing 
what  little  flurries  we  may  get  into  yet,  and  there's  always 
danger,  if  you  have  too  much  sail  spread  in  a  squall.  How- 
ever, I  haven't  time  to  talk  about  this  now. 

You  will  get  the  accounts  of  the  battles  in   Gineral  Scott's 
12 


274  ilY    THIRTY    YEARS 

letters,  so  I  needn't  say  a  great  deal  about  them.  But  it's 
been  a  hard  up-hill  work  all  the  way  from  Vera  Cruz  here  ; 
and  I  don't  think  my  old  friend,  Gineral  Jackson  himself,  would 
have  worked  through  all  the  difiSculties  and  done  the  business 
up  better  than  Gineral  Scott  has.  But  the  killed  and  the 
wounded,  the  dead  and  the  dying,  scattered  all  along  the 
way  for  three  hundred  miles — it's  a  heart-aching  thought. 
I  don't  love  to  think  about  it.  It  is  too  bad  that  we  didn't 
have  more  men,  so  as  to  march  straight  through  without 
fighting,  instead  of  having  jest  enough  to  encourage  the 
enemy  to  bring  out  their  largest  armies  and  fight  their  hard- 
est battles. 

One  of  the  hardest  brushes  we  had,  after  I  got  here,  was  the 
attack  on  Chapultepec.  I  had  been  into  the  city  trying  to 
bring  Santa  x\nna  to  terms  ;  but,  when  I  found  it  was  no  use, 
I  come  out  and  told  Gineral  Scott  there  was  no  way  but  to 
fight  it  out,  and,  although  I  was  only  the  President's  private 
embassador,  I  didn't  like  to  stand  and  look  on  when  he  was  so 
weak-handed,  and  if  he  would  tell  me  where  to  take  hold,  I 
would  give  him  a  lift.  The  Gineral  said  he  expected  there 
would  be  a  hard  pull  to  take  Chapultepec,  and  as  Gineral 
Pillow  was  placed  where  he  would  be  likely  to  have  the 
heaviest  brunt  of  it,  I  might  be  doing  the  country  a  great 
service  if  I  would  jine  in  with  Gineral  Pillow,  as  my  expe- 
rience under  Gineral  Jackson,  and  insight  into  military  af- 
fairs, would  no  doubt  be  very  useful  to  that  valiant  ofiiccr. 
So  I  took  hold  that  day  as  one  of  Gineral  Pillow's  aids. 

When  we  come  to  march  up  and  see  how  strong  the  enemy's 
works  was,  says  I,  "  Gineral  Pillow,  it  is  as  much  as  all  our 
lives  is  worth  to  go  right  straight  up  and  storm  that  place,  in 
the  face  and  eyes  of  all  their  guns  ;  I  think  we  ought  to  fortify 
a  little.  Suppose  we  dig  a  ditch  round  here  in  front  of  the 
enemy's  works." 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  2*15 

At  that  the  Gineral's  eyes  jflashed,  and  he  swore  right  out. 
Says  he  :  "  No,  d — n  the  ditches,  I've  no  opinion  of  'em  ;  they 
are  nothing  but  a  bother,  and  never  ought  to  be  used.  The 
best  way  is  to  go  right  into  the  enemy,  pell-mell." 

So  on  we  went,  and  Pillow  fit  like  a  tiger  till  he  got 
wounded,  and  then  the  rest  of  us,  that  wasn't  shot  down,  had  to 
finish  the  work  up  the  best  way  we  could. 

The  long  and  the  short  of  it  is,  we  fit  our  way  into  the  city 
of  Mexico  and  annexed  it.  Santa  Anna  cleared  out  the  night 
afore  with  what  troops  he  had  left,  and  is  scouring  about  the 
country  to  get  some  more  places  ready  for  us  to  annex.  When 
he  gets  another  place  all  ready  for  the  ceremony,  and  gets  it 
well  fortified,  and  has  an  army  of  twenty  or  thirty  thousand 
men  in  the  forts  and  behind  the  breastworks,  we  shall  march 
down  upon  'em  with  five  or  six  thousand  men,  and  go  through 
the  flurry.  After  they  have  shot  down  about  half  of  us,  the 
rest  of  us  will  climb  in,  over  the  mouths  of  their  cannons,  and 
annex  that  place  ;  and  so  on,  one  after  another. 

It  is  pretty  hard  work  annexin'  in  this  way  ;  but  that  is  the 
only  way  it  can  be  done.  It  will  be  necessary  for  the  Presi- 
dent to  keep  hurrying  on  his  men  this  way  to  keep  our  ranks 
full,  for  we've  got  a  great  deal  of  ground  to  go  over  yet. 
What  we've  annexed  in  Mexico,  so  far,  isn't  but  a  mere  cir- 
cumstance to  what  we've  got  to  do. 

Some  think  the  business  isn't  profitable  ;  but  it's  only  be- 
cause they  haven't  ciphered  into  it  fur  enough  to  understand 
it.  Upon  an  average,  we  get  at  least  ten  to  one  for  our  out- 
lay, any  way  you  can  figure  it  up — I  mean  in  the  matter  of 
people.  Take,  for  instance,  the  City  of  Mexico.  It  cost  us 
only  two  or  three  thousand  men  to  annex  it,  after  we  got  into 
the  neighborhbod  of  it ;  and  we  get  at  least  one  hundred  and 
fifty  thousand  in  that  city,  and  some  put  it  down  as  high  as 
two  hundred  thousand.     Some  find  fault  with  the  quality  of 


276  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

the  people  we  get  in  this  country,  jest  as  if  that  had  anything 

to  do  with  the  merits  of  the  case.     They  ought  to  remember 

that  in  a  Government  like  ours,  where  the  people  is  used  for 

voting,  and  where  every  nose  counts  one,  it  is  the  number  that 

we  are  to  stan'  about  in  annexin',  and  not  the  quality,  by  no 

means.     So  that  in  the  matter  of  people  we  are  doing  a  grand 

business.     And  as    to  the    money,  it   is  no   matter  what   it 

costs  us ,  for  money  grows  in  the  ground  in  Mexico,  and  can 

always  be  had  for  digging. 

There's  a  thousand  things  in  this  country  that  I  should  like 

to  tell  you  about  if  I  had  time  ;  but  things  is  so  unsettled 

here  yet,  that  I  have  rather  a  confused  chance  to  write.     So  I 

must  break  oft'  here,  and  wTite  a  few  lines  to  the  President  ; 

but  remain  your  friend  in  all  latitudes,  clear  down  to   Cape 

Horn. 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


To  James  K.  Polk,  President  of  the  United  States  and  all  annexed 
countries. 

Dear  Sir  : — I've  done  my  best,  according  to  your  directions, 
to  get  round  Santa  Anna,  but  it  is  all  no  use.  He's  as  slip- 
pery as  an  eel,  and  has  as  many  lives  as  a  cat.  Trist  and  I 
together  can't  hold  him,  and  Scott  and  Taylor  can't  kill  him 
off.  We  get  fast  hold  of  him  with  our  diplomatics,  but  he 
slips  through  our  fingers  ;  and  Scott  and  Taylor  cuts  his  head 
off  in  every  town  where  they  can  catch  him,  but  he  always 
comes  to  life  in  the  next  town,  and  shows  as  many  heads  as 
if  he  had  never  lost  one.  I  had  a  long  talk  with  him  in  the 
city,  and  pinned  him  right  down  to  the  bargain  he  made  with 
you  when  you  let  him  into  Vera  Cruz,  and  asked  him  "  why 
he  didn't  stick  to  it."  He  said  he  "  did  stick  to  it  as  far  as 
circumstances  rendered  it  prudent." 


OCT    OF    THE    SENATE.  217 

"But,"  says  I,  "  Gineral  Santa  Anna,  that  an't  the  tiling  ;  a 
bargain's  a  bargain,  and  if  a  man  has  any  honor  he  will  stick 
to  it.  Now,"  s'dys  I,  "  didn't  you  agree,  if  the  President  would 
give  orders  to  our  Commodore  to  let  you  into  Vera  Cruz, 
didn't  you  agree  to  put  jonv  shoulder  to  the  wheel,  and  help 
on  this  annexin'  business,  so  as  to  make  easy  work  of  it  ?  And 
now  I  ask  you,  as  a  man  of  honor,  have  you  done  it  ?" 

"  Circumstances  alters  cases.  Major,"  says  Santa  Anna. 
"  When  Mr.  Polk  and  I  had  that  understanding,  he  thought  he 
needed  a  few  more  votes  than  he  could  muster  in  his  own  coun- 
try to  bring  him  into  the  Presidency  another  term.  So  wc 
agreed,  if  I  would  turn  over  the  votes  of  Mexico  to  him  to 
bring  him  in  another  term,  he  would  afterward  turn  over  his 
part  of  the  votes  in  North  America  to  me,  so  as  to  bring  me 
in  next  time.  But  I  soon  found  it  would  be  throwing  our  labor 
away,  for  Mr.  Polk's  part  of  the  votes  in  his  country  was  get- 
ting to  be  so  small  that  they  wouldn't  do  much  good  to  either 
of  us.  So  I  concluded  to  hold  on  to  what  I  had  got,  and  stick 
to  the  Presidency  of  Mexico." 

"  Then,"  says  I,  "you  an't  a  going  to  stick  to  your  bargain 
are  you  ? " 

"  No,"  says  he,  "  circumstances  alters  cases." 

Then  I  tried  to  scare  him  out  of  it.  I  told  him  our  folks 
would  whip  the  Mexicans  all  into  shoestrings  in  a  little  while. 
And  it  made  no  odds  whether  he  fit  for  annexin'  or  against  it, 
we  should  go  on  jest  the  same,  and  before  another  year  was 
out,  Mr.  Polk  would  be  President  of  every  foot  of  Mexico  ;  for 
we  should  get  through  annexin'  the  whole  of  it. 

"Very  well,"  says  he,  "  go  on  ;  the  Mexicans  like  the  busi- 
ness ;  they  can  stand  it  longer  than  Mr.  Polk  can  ;  for  Mr. 
Polk  will  have  all  the  work  to  do  over  again  every  year,  as 
long  as  he  lives,  for  there  isn't  a  place  in  Mexico  that  will  stay 
annexed  any  longer  than  jest  while  3'ou  are  holding  on  to  it." 


2Y8  MY   THIRTY   YEARS 

So  you  see  there's  no  doing  anything  with  Santa  Anna. 
What  course  it  is  best  to  take  now,  seems  rather  a  puzzler.  I 
haven't  time  to  give  you  my  views  about  it  in  this  dispatch, 
but  will  try  to  soon.  Give  my  love  to  Mr.  Ritchie.  I  meant 
to  write  him,  too,  but  I  shall  have  to  wait  till  next  time. 

Your  faithful  friend  and  private  embassador, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LYI. 

MAJOR  DOWNING'S  SECOND  DISPATCHES  FROM  THE  CITY  OF  MEXICO. 

Head- QUARTERS,  Mexico,  New  Addition  to  the      ) 
United  States,  October  25,  1847.  ) 

Mr.  Gales  &  Seaton — 

My  Dear  Old  Friends  : — Gineral  Scott  and  I  find  a  good 
deal  of  bother  about  getting  our  dispatches  through  to  Vera 
Cruz,  or  else  you'd  hear  from  me  oftener.  I  do  think  the 
President  is  too  backward  about  clearing  out  this  road  from 
here  to  Vera  Cruz,  and  keeping  it  open,  and  introducing  the 
improvements  into  the  country  that  we  stand  so  much  in  need 
of  here.  He  and  Mr.  Ritchie  pretends  to  have  constitutional 
scruples  about  it,  and  says  the  Constitution  don't  allow  of 
internal  Improvements  ;  and  Mr.  Ritchie  says  the  resolutions 
of  '98  is  dead  agin  it,  too  ;  and,  besides,  Mr.  Ritchie  says  these 
internal  improvements  is  a  Federal  doctrine,  and  he'd  always 
go  agin  'em  for  that,  if  nothin'  else.  But  'tis  strange  to  me 
the  President  hasn't  never  found  out  yet  that  where  there's  a 
will  there's  a  way,  Constitution  or  no  Constitution.  All  he's 
got  to  do  is,  to  call  all  these  roads  round  here  in  Mexico 
"  military  roads,"  and  then  he'd  have  the  Constitution  on  his 
side,  for  everbody  knows  the  Constitution  allows  him  to  make 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  279 

military  roads.  I  know  the  President  is  very  delicate  about 
fringing  on  the  Constitution,  so  I  don't  blame  him  so  much  for 
holding  back  about  the  internal  improvements  here  in  Mexico, 
though  I  don't  think  there's  any  other  part  of  the  United 
States  where  they  are  needed  more.  But  there's  no  need  of 
splitting  hairs  about  the  roads  ;  military  roads  isn't  internal 
improvements,  and  he's  a  right  to  make  military  roads  as 
much  as  he  pleases.  And  as  them  is  jest  the  kind  of  roads 
we  want  here,  and  shall  want  for  fifty  years  (for  our  armies 
will  have  to  keep  marching  about  the  country  for  fifty  years 
before  they'll  be  able  to  tame  these  Mexicans,  and  turn  'em 
into  Americans),  it  is  confounded  strange  to  me  that  the 
President  is  so  behind-hand  about  this  business.  What's  the 
use  of  our  going  on  and  annexin'  away  down  South  here,  if 
he  don't  back  us  up  and  hold  on  to  the  slack  ?  And  there's 
no  way  to  hold  on  to  it  but  to  keep  these  military  roads  open 
so  our  armies  can  go  back  and  forth,  and  bring  us  in  victuals, 
and  powder,  and  shot,  and  money. 

Here  we've  been,  weeks  and  weeks  since  we  annexed  the 
city  of  Mexico,  waiting  and  holding  on  for  the  President  to 
send  us  more  men  and  more  money,  and  tell  us  what  to  do 
next.  This  backwardness  of  the  President,  since  we  got  into 
the  city  of  Mexico,  seems  the  more  strange  to  me,  considering. 
For,  when  he  was  fixin'  me  ofi"  to  come  out  here  and  see  if  I 
could  make  a  settlement  with  Santa  Anna,  I  tried  to  persuade 
him  to  let  the  armies  hold  still  while  I  was  making  the  bar- 
gain. I  told  him  he  never  could  bring  a  man  to  reason  or  to 
trade  when  he  was  knockiog  of  him  down  all  the  time.  But  I 
couldn't  make  him  seem  to  understand  it.  He  stood  to  it  his 
way  was  the  best — the  sword  in  one  hand  and  peace  in  t'other, 
all  the  way — a  word  and   a  blow,  and  the  blow  always  first. 

"  Why,  Major  Downing,"  says  he,  "  if  you  want  to  reason 
a  man  into  a  peace,  that's  another  thing  ;  but  if  you  want  to 


280  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

conquer  a  peace,  my  way  is  the   only  way.     That's  the  way  I 
begun  this  war,  and  that's  the  way  I  mean  to  carry  it  out." 

"  How  so  ?  "  says  I  ;  "  did  you  begin  the  war  in  that  way  ?" 

"  Why,"  says  he,  "  Slidell  was  the  word,  and  Taylor  was 
the  blow  ;  and  not  only  my  friends,  but  even  my  enemies, 
admit  that  the  blow  come  first." 

The  President  said  that  was  the  rule  he  had  gone  by  all  the 
way  along,  and  he  meant  to  stick  to  it  ;  and  not  hearing  any- 
thing from  him  so  long,  I'm  afraid  he's  got  a  notion  that  peace 
is  conquered.  But  that  would  be  a  bad  mistake,  if  he  has  got 
such  a  notion  ;  for  it  isn't  conquered — it's  only  scattered. 
It's  a  good  deal  as  'twas  with  Bill  Johnson,  when  he  and  I 
was  boys,  and  he  undertook  to  conquer  a  hornet's  nest,  ex- 
peciin'  to  get  lots  of  honey.  He  took  a  club,  and  marched 
bravely  up  to  it,  and  hit  it  an  awful  dig,  and  knocked  it  into 
a  thousand  flinders. 

•'  There,  blast  ye,"  says  Bill,  "  I  guess  you're  done  tu  now," 
as  he  begun  to  look  round  for  the  honey.  But  he  soon  found 
'twasn't  conquered — 'twas  only  scattered.  And  presently 
they  begun  to  fly  at  him,  and  sting  him  on  all  sides.  One  hit 
him  a  dab  on  his  arm,  and  another  on  his  leg,  and  another  in 
his  face.  At  last  Bill  found  he  should  soon  be  done  tu,  him- 
self, if  he  stayed  there,  so  he  cut  and  run. 

"  Hullo,"  says  I,  "  Bill,  where's  your  honey  ?  " 

"  Darn  it  all,"  says  he,  "  if  I  hain't  got  no  honey,  I  knocked 
their  house  to  pieces  ;  I've  got  that  to  comfort  me." 

I  wish  you  would  try  to  convince  the  President  that  'tis 
only  scattered  here  ;  'tisn't  conquered,  and  he  must  give  us 
the  means  to  keep  moving,  or  we  shall  get  badly  stung  bime- 
])y.  If  he  only  backs  us  up  well,  I'll  pledge  myself  that  we'll 
carry  out  the  campaign  marked  out  in  my  last  dispatches, 
which  would  bring  us  clear  down  to  Cape  Horn  in  four  or  five 
years  ;  and  I'm  very  anxious  to  get  there — it  strikes  me  that 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATi 


281 


would  be  such  a  good  horn  to  hold  on  to  in  all  dilemmas,  even 
if  all  the  rest  of  the  country  went  by  the  board.  I  dreamt 
t'other  night  that  we  had  got  through  annexiii'  all  North  and 
South  America  ;  and  then  I  thought  our  whole  country  was 
turned  into  a  monstrous  great  ship  of  war,  and  Cape  Horn 
was  the  bowsprit,  and  Mr.  Polk  the  captain.  And  the  captain 
was  walking  the  deck  with  his  mouth  shet,  and  everybody 


THE  major's  ANNEXATION  DREAII. 


was  looking  at  him  and  wondering  what  he  was  goin'  to  do 
next.  At  last  he  sung  out,  "  Put  her  about  ;  we'll  sail  across 
now  and  take  Europe,  and  Asha,  and  Africa  in  tow — don't 
stop  for  bird's-egging  round  among  the  West  India  Islands  ; 
we  can  pick  them  up  as  we  come  back  along — crowd  all  sail 
now  and  let  her  have  it." 
12* 


282  V  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

Away  we  went  ;  I  never  see  a  ship  sail  faster.  The  wind 
begun  to  blow  harder  and  harder,  and  then  it  come  on  an 
awful  storm,  and  at  last  it  blowed  a  perfect  harrycane.  The 
sails  begun  to  go  to  flitters,  and  she  rolled  as  if  she  was  going 
to  upset.  Some  of  the  oldest  and  best  sailors  among  the 
crew  told  the  captain  we  should  all  go  to  destruction,  if  he 
didn't  take  in  sail,  and  furl  and  clew  up,  and  get  things  tight, 
and  bring  her  head  round  to  the  wind.  Mr.  Ritchie  was 
standing  by  his  side,  and  says  he,  "  Captain  Polk,  them  is  all 
nothing  but  Federal  lies,  as  I've  shown  hundreds  of  times,  not 
only  in  the  Union,  but  years  and  years  ago  in  the  Enquirer. 
Them  fellers  only  want  to  give  aid  and  comfort  to  the  enemy  ; 
don't  pay  any  attention  to  'em.  Here's  the  chart " — he  held 
up  in  his  hand  the  resolutions  of  '98 —  "  sail  by  this,  and  I'll 
risk  her  on  any  tack,  and  in  all  weathers." 

On  we  went,  lickity-split  ;  the  harrycane  blowed  harder,  the 
timbers  begun  to  creak,  the  sails  split  to  ribbons,  some  of  the 
spars  begun  to  snap  and  go  by  the  board,  and  then  all  at 
once  there  was  a  terrible  cry,  "  Breakers  ahead  !  "  The  cap- 
tain then  jumped  as  if  he  was  wide  awake  ;  and  says  he, 
"  Call  all  hands  and  put  her  about."  But  when  the  officers 
come  to  give  orders  to  the  crew,  not  one  of  them  would  mind 
or  pay  any  attention.  The  whole  crew  was  in  a  mutiny  ;  and 
the  ship  was  so  large,  and  the  crew  was  such  a  mixed  up 
mess  of  different  sorts  of  folks  that  there  was  twenty  dif- 
ferent mutinies  all  at  once,  in  different  parts  of  the  vessel. 

"Well,"  says  Captain  Polk,  "I  wash  my  hands  of  this 
mischief ;  if  the  crew  won't  help,  the  ship  must  go  ashore." 

Then  an  old  sailor  spoke  up  and  said  :  "  All  the  crews  in 
the  world  couldn't  do  any  good  now  ;  the  ship  was  dished,  and 
must  be  plumped  on  the  rocks  ;  her  sails  and  spars  was  gone, 
the  timbers  sprung,  and  the  hold  already  half  full  of  water." 
In   a   few   minutes  she   struck,  and  the   rocks  gored  a   hole 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  283 

through  her  side,  and  the  water  poured  in,  and  down  she  sunk 
h)wer  and  lower,  till  at  last  she  gave  one  mighty  guggle,  and 
plunged  all  under  the  water,  except  a  piece  of  the  bowsprit 
that  still  stuck  out.  The  storm  and  the  waves  swept  over 
her,  and  the  whole  crew  and  everybody  aboard  was  lost,  ex- 
cept a  few  of  us  who  scrabbled  up  and  clung  to  the  bowsprit. 
Mr.  Ritchie  went  down  with  the  resolutions  of  '98  in  his  hand. 

The  hard  spring  I  had  to  make,  to  get  on  to  the  bowsprit, 
waked  me  up  ;  and,  although  I  an't  one  that  thinks  much  of 
dreams,  I  can't  help  thinking  a  good  deal  of  Cape  Horn,  and 
naterally  feel  anxious  to  get  along  down  that  way  as  fast  as 
we  can  ;  so  I  hope  you'll  urge  the  President  to  be  a  little  more 
stirring,  and  let  us  have  men  and  money  a  little  faster. 

I  shall  have  to  break  off  here  for  to-day,  because  I've  got  to 
write  a  little  dispatch  to  the  President  to  send  by  the  same 
post.  I  send  j^ou  some  letters  from  Uncle  Joshua,  and  other 
relations  and  friends,  which  you  can,  if  you  think  best,  hitch 
on  to  my  dispatches,  jest  as  Gineral  Scott  takes  the  letters  of 
his  tmder-officers  and  hitches  on  to  his  dispatches, 
So  I  remain  your  old  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


Head-quarters,  City  of  Mexico, 
Annexed  United  States,  October  25,  184Y. 


} 


To  James  K.  Polk,  President  of  the  United  States  and  all  annexed 
Countries. 

Dear  Colonel  : — Things  is  getting  along  here  as  well  as 
could  be  expected,  considerin'  the  help  we  have,  but  we  are  all 
together  too  weak-handed  to  work  to  profit.  If  you  want  us  to 
hurry  along  down  South,  we  need  a  good  deal  more  help  and 
more  money.     It  wouldn't  be  no  use  to  give  that  three  millions 


284  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

of  dollars  to  Santa  Anna  now,  for  the  people  have  got  so  out 
with  him  that  he  couldn't  make  peace  if  he  had  six  millions. 
He's  skulking  about  the  country,  and  has  as  much  as  he  can 
do  to  take  care  of  himself.  So  I  think  you  had  better  give  up 
the  notion  about  peace  altogether,  it  '11  be  such  a  hard  thing 
to  get,  and  send  on  the  three  millions  here  to  help  us  along 
in  our  annexin'.  It's  dangerous  standin'  still  in  this  annexin' 
business.  It's  like  the  old  woman's  soap — if  it  don't  go  ahead, 
it  goes  back.  It  would  be  a  great  help  to  us  in  the  way  of 
holdin'  on  to  what  we  get,  if  you  would  carry  out  that 
plan  of  giving  the  Mexican  land  to  settlers  from  the  United 
States,  as  fast  as  we  annex  it.  I've  been  very  impatient  to 
see  your  proclamation  offering  the  land  to  settlers  to  come 
out  here.  You've  no  idea  how  much  help  it  would  be  to  us  if 
we  only  had  a  plenty  of  our  folks  out  here,  so  that  as  fast  as 
we  killed  a  Mexican,  or  drove  him  off  from  his  farm,  we  could 
put  an  American  right  on  to  it.  If  we  could  only  plant  as  we 
go,  in  this  way,  we  should  soon  have  a  crop  of  settlers  here 
that  could  hold  on  to  the  slack  themselves,  and  leave  the 
army  free  to  go  ahead,  and  keep  on  annexin'.  I  thought 
when  I  left  Washington,  you  was  agoing  to  put  out  snch  a 
proclamation  right  away.  And  I  think  you  are  putting  it  off 
a  good  deal  too  long,  for  we've  got  land  and  farms  enough 
here  now  for  two  hundred  thousand  at  least  ;  and,  if  they 
would  only  cnme  on  fast  enough,  I  think  we  could  make  room 
for  twenty  thousand  a  week  for  a  year  to  come.  But  I'm  afraid 
you're  too  delicate  about  doing  your  duty  in  this  business  ; 
you  are  such  a  stickler  for  the  Constitution.  I'm  afraid  you're 
waiting  for  Congress  to  meet,  so  as  to  let  them  have  a  finger 
in  the  pie.  But  I  wouldn't  do  it.  From  all  I  can  liear,  it 
looks  as  if  the  Whigs  was  coming  into  power  ;  and  if  they 
should,  it  would  be  a  terrible  calamity,  for  they  are  too  narrow- 
minded  and  too  much  behind  the  age  to  understand  the  rio-hts 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE,  285 

of  this  annexin'  business,  and  it's  ten  chances  to  one  if  they 
don't  contrive  some  way  to  put  a  stop  to  it. 

I  must  tell  you  I  went  t'other  day  to  see  Gineral  Gushing-, 
and  found  him  awfully  tickled  about  being  nominated  for 
Governor  of  the  old  Bay  State.  At  first  he  was  a  good  deal 
amazed  at  it  ;  he  was  as  much  surprised  as  you  was,  Colonel, 
when  you  first  heard  you  was  nominated  for  President.  What 
amazed  him  so  much  was  that  he'd  alwa^^s  been  thinking  all 
along  that  he  was  a  Whig,  till  the  nomination  come,  and  then 
he  jumped  up  and  snapped  his  fingers,  and  said  he  believed, 
after  all,  the  Democrats  was  the  right  party.  He's  in  great 
sperits,  and  says  he's  no  doubt  he  shall  be  elected.  He  goes 
for  annexin'  now  the  hottest  of  any  of  us,  and  says  he  takes 
the  great  Alexander  for  his  model,  and  goes  for  annexin'  as 
long  as  there  is  any  country  left  to  annex.  His  ancle  is  quite 
well,  and  Gineral  Pillow's  foot  is  a  good  deal  better. 

I  have  the  honor  to  be  your  private  embassador  and  faithful 

friend,  from  fifty-four  forty  on  one  side,  down  to  Cape  Horn  on 

t'other. 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER   LVII. 

MAJOR  DOWXING's  THIRD  DISPATCHES  FROM  THE  CITY  OF  MEXICO. 

City  of  Mexico,  Annexed  U.  S  ,  Dec.  30,  184T. 

Private.]      To  James  K.  Polk,  President  of  the  United   States  of 
America,  Mexico,  S^x. 

Dear  Colonel  : — I  feel  a  good  deal  anxious  to  hear  how  you 
are  getting  along  there  to  home,  and  I  s'pose  you  are  full  as 
anxious  to  know  how  we  are  going  it  out  here.  I  got  your 
message  to  Congress,  and  their  first  three  days'  doings,  and 
that's  the  last  Pve  heard.     When  I  found  the  Whigs  had  fairly 


286  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

carried  the  House,  I  see  in  a  moment  there  was  a  bad  time 
ahead  for  us.  Says  I,  look  out  for  squalls  ;  the  old  ship  will 
have  a  hard  time  of  it  this  winter.  I  had  a  good  mind  to  come 
right  home  to  help  stan'  by  the  helm,  for  I  knew  you  would 
need  me.  But  then  I  see  at  once  that  wouldn't  do,  for  our  of- 
ficers have  got  into  a  dreadful  snarl  here,  and  I  shouldn't  dare 
to  leave  till  things  is  settled,  for  fear  the  annexin'  would  all 
go  back  again,  and  we  should  lose  our  two  years'  work.  So, 
as  I  can't  come,  all  I  can  do  is  to  give  my  notions  about  things 
a  little,  by  way  of  advice. 

I  see  how  'twill  be  ;  the  House  will  be  quarreling  with  you 
all  winter  ;  they'll  be  asking  you  all  the  hard  questions  they 
can  think  of,  and  all  the  time  prying  into  your  secrets  about 
the  war  and  annexin'.  And  I  don't  believe  the  Senate  will  be 
a  copper  better.  'Tis  true  there  an't  so  many  Whigs  there, 
but  there's  them  there  that  is  full  as  bad.  You  never  can  do 
anything  with  Mr.  Calhoun  ;  you  know  he  always  splits  every- 
thing in  two,  even  to  a  hair  ;  and  the  most  he'll  ever  do  for  us 
about  this  annexin'  business  will  be  to  split  off  a  little  piece 
of  Mexico.  If  he  finds  out  we  are  annexin'  the  whole  of  it, 
he'll  fight  agin  us  till  all  is  blue.  Then  there's  Colonel  Ben- 
ton I  don't  think  is  a  whit  better  than  Mr.  Calhoun.  You  know 
what  a  fuss  he  made  when  we  took  in  Texas,  because  we  sot 
out  to  take  in  a  little  strip  of  Mexico  with  it  ;  only  a  little  rea- 
sonable strip,  too,  jest  on  our  side  of  the  river,  so  as  to  make 
square  work  of  it.  Colonel  Benton's  ebenezer  was  right  up 
about  it :  he  said  it  didn't  belong  to  us,  and  it  didn't  belong  to 
Texas,  and  we  had  no  right  to  it,  and  shouldn't  touch  it.  Now, 
if  he  made  such  a  fuss  about  that  little  strip  on  our  side  of 
the  river,  he'll  be  likely  to  raise  Ned  and  turn  up  Jack,  if  he 
finds  out  we  have  a  notion  of  annexin'  the  whole  of  Mexico. 
And  he's  a  terrible  enemy  to  liave,  I  can  tell  you  ;  I  don't  be- 
lieve  there's  another  man  in  the  country  that  can  look  down 


OUT   OF   THE    SENATE.  287 

opposition  equal  to  him.  Now,  with  such  men  as  these  in  the 
Senate,  besides  all  the  thunder  of  Webster,  and  all  the  per- 
suadin'  of  Crittenden,  how  are  you  going  to  get  along  ?  I 
think  there  is  no  way  for  us  to  get  along  safe  but  to  keep 
such  men  in  the  dark.  Keep  coaxing  the  money  out  of  'em  to 
"conquer  a  piece,"  but  never  let  'em  mistrust  that  we  intend 
to  conquer  the  whole.  We  must  look  one  way  all  the  time, 
and  row  t'other.  I  know  you'll  have  a  hard  time  of  it,  for 
Congress  will  keep  diving  into  you  all  the  time  with  this 
question  and  that,  and  pryin'  into  all  the  secrets  about 
the  war,  and  want  to  know  what  orders  you  give  to  us  out 
here  in  Mexico,  and  what  the  armies  are  going  to  do,  and 
where  all  the  money  goes  to,  and  a  thousand  things  that  they've 
no  business  with.  Now,  when  they  keep  coming  to  you  with 
these  ugly  questions,  I  think  the  only  safe  way  will  be  for 
you  to  shet  your  mouth  right  up,  and  keep  a  stiff  upper  lip, 
and  not  say  a  word.  And  do  pray  be  careful  what  you  tell  to 
good  old  Mr.  Ritchie,  for  you  know  he  never  could  keep  his 
mouth  shet.  There's  some  dogs,  you  know,  that  always  bark 
at  the  wrong  time,  and  frighten  away  the  game.  You  never 
can  train  'em  to  keep  still  when  they  ought  to.  You  remember, 
more  than  two  years  ago,  before  the  war  begun,  when  you  was 
laying  out  the  work  privately  and  carefully,  and  getting  your 
ships  around  to  the  Pacific,  and  giving  the  officers  their  orders 
to  Stan'  ready  and  wait  till  the  train  was  touched  on  this  side, 
and  the  moment  they  heard  the  first  sound  of  the  war  to  snap 
up  California  and  annex  it,  and  hold  on  to  it,  so  that  if  we  found 
the  people  wouldn't  let  the  war  go  on,  we  could  come  to  a  set- 
tlement, and  each  side  hold  what  they  had  got,  you  remember 
how  Mr.  Ritchie  got  so  full  of  the  matter  that  he  liked  to  blowed 
the  whole  business  up  by  letting  on  about  the  conquest  of 
Mexico.  A  little  more  such  carelessness  at  that  time  would  a 
been  likely  to  upset  our  whole  kittle  of  fish— we  might  a  lost 


288  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

California,  and  Santa  Fe,  and  likely  enough  even  that  little 
strip  on  our  side  of  the  river  jining  Texas.  And  as  for  the 
whole  of  Mexico,  our  jig  would  a  been  up  at  once  ;  we  might 
a  whistled  for  it  till  doomsday,  but  't  wouldn't  come. 

I  think  you  did  right  to  make  believe,  in  your  message,  that 
you  had  no  idea  of  conquering  the  whole  of  Mexico.  I  don't 
believe  it  would  be  safe  to  take  that  ground  till  the  work  is 
all  done.  Tho  people  of  our  country  are  too  skittish  yet  about 
conquering  other  countries  ;  they  haint  got  used  to  it.  And 
for  this  reason  you  will  have  to  be  very  firm  with  Congress, 
and  not  let  'em  cross-question  you  too  close,  and  get  you  into 
a  bother.  Call  upon  them  boldly  for  large  armies,  and  all  the 
millions  of  money  the  mints  can  make,  and  all  that  Mr. 
Walker  can  borrow,  and  tell  'em  you  are  digging  into  the 
vital  parts  of  Mexico  to  get  that  five  millions  she  owes  us. 

If  they  ask  you  if  Mr.  Tyler  didn't  offer  to  give  up  that  five 
millions  to  Mexico  to  pay  her  for  our  taking  Texas  without 
her  leave,  jest  shet  your  mouth  up. 

If  they  ask  you  if  we  hadn't  ought  to  give  up  that  five 
millions  to  Mexico  for  that  strip  on  our  side  of  the  river  that 
you  sent  General  Taylor  to  take,  jest  shet  your  mouth  up. 

If  they  ask  you  if  Mr,  Trist  didn't  offer  to  give  up  that  five 
millions  to  Mexico,  and  pay  her  twenty  millions  more,  if  she 
wouldn't  try  to  get  back  California  and  New  Mexico,  that  you 
had  taken  from  her  without  her  leave,  jest  shet  your  mouth  up. 

If  they  ask  you  what  upon  earth  you  can  want  of  a  hun- 
dred thousand  soldiers  in  Mexico,  and  a  hundred  millions  of 
dollars  a  year  for  spending  money,  jest  open  your  lips  care- 
fully a  little  ways,  and  tell  'em  you  are  digging  into  the  vital 
parts  of  Mexico  to  get  that  five  millions  she  owes  us. 

Then  shet  your  mouth  right  up  again,  and  keep  it  shet,  and 
I  guess  you'll  be  safe.  Don't  be  afraid  of  'em  ;  they  can't  pry 
your  mouth  open  if  they  should  try  ;  and  I  guess  that  answer 


OCT    OF    THE    SEXATE.  289 

will  pacify  'em  till  we  get  the  work  all  done,  and  Mexico  all 
annexed.  Then  3^011  can  step  up  to  'em  boldlj^  and  tell  'em 
you  have  made  the  greatest  bargain  that  anybody  ever  made 
on  this  airth  ;  you  have  got  the  whole  of  Mexico,  people  and 
all,  for  five  millions  of  dollars,  which  is  only  about  fifty  cents 
a  head  for  the  people,  and  the  lands  and  the  gold  mines 
thrown  in  for  nothing. 

I'm  persuaded  it  will  make  the  greatest  man  of  you  that 
ever  lived  yet  ;  greater  than  Washington,  or  Jackson,  or  any- 
body else.  The  world  will  thensaj^  "  What  great  things  was 
Washington  ?  He  only  defended  his  country,  and  built  up  a 
Republic  ;  but  there  was  Colonel  Polk,  he  conquered  a  coun- 
try and  annexed  a  Republic,"  I'm  so  sure  it  will  come  to  this 
that  I  wish  you  could  stop  their  setting  up  that  great  Wash- 
ington Monument  there  in  the  city  of  Washington,  for  that 
mnnument  ought  to  be  raised  to  you  yet,  and  the  money  should 
be  saved  for  that  purpose.  I  don't  know  how  you  can  stop 
the  work  goin'  on,  unless  you  can  make  it  out  that  it  comes 
under  the  head  of  internal  improvements,  and  then  you  might 
stop  it  constitutionally.  At  any  rate,  it's  worth  trying  for. 
Never  mind  the  prating  of  them  scare-crow  folks  who  make 
such  a  fuss,  and  say  it  will  be  the  destruction  of  the  United 
States  if  you  annex  Mexico.  What  if  it  should  ?  You  would 
still  stand  above  Washington,  and  be  remembered  longer. 
Our  history  books  tell  us  that  the  name  of  the  man  who  built 
the  first  great  temple  to  Diana  at  Ephesus  is  lost  and  forgot- 
ten ;  nobody  knows  who  he  was  ;  but  the  name  of  the  man 
who  sot  fire  to  it  and  burnt  it  down  is  found  in  all  the  histo- 
ries down  to  this  day.  So  in  this  grand  annexin'  business  of 
yourn,  if  you  should  set  fire  to  the  great  temple  that  Wash- 
ington built,  and  burn  it  down,  don't  fear  but  your  name  will 
live  on  the  page  of  history  full  as  long  as  Washington. 

But  I've  writ  so  much  already  that  I  haven't  room  to  say 


290  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

but  a  word  or  two  about  matters  here.  We  keep  pushing  the 
business  here  ;  weVe  got  pretty  w^ell  through  the  vital  parts 
of  the  country,  and  the  army  has  now  commenced  spreading 
out  and  turning  squatters.  But  we  haven't  near  enough  to 
spread  all  over  the  country  yet,  without  leaving  them  too 
scattering.  I  hope  you  will  hurry  on  the  thirty  thousand 
more  men  that  you  promised,  as  fast  as  possible  ;  that  would 
make  us  near  a  hundred  thousand  strong — enough  to  spread 
out  squatters  into  all  parts  of  the  country,  and  the  annexiu' 
business  would  be  pretty  much  over.  That  is,  the  annexin' 
of  Mexico  ;  and  I  take  it  you'll  give  us  a  holiday,  and  let  us 
rest  a  few  months  before  we  hitch  on  to  the  next  country 
down  South.  And,  besides,  we  shall  need  that  holiday  to  see 
about  electing  you  President  another  term  ;  for  you'll  have  to 
be  elected  in  the  common  way  once  more  before  you  will  be 
strong  enough  to  stand  President  all  the  time. 
I  remain  your  faithful  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LVIII. 

MAJOR  DOWNING's  FOURTH  DISPATCH  FROM  THE  CITY  OF  MEXICO. 

City  of  Mexico,  Doubtful  Territory,  Feb.  14,  1848. 

Private.]  To  Janies  K.  Polk,  President  of  the  United  States,  and 
nearly  half  of  Mexico  certain,  with  a  pretty  tolerable  fair  chance 
yet  for  the  whole. 

Dear  Colonel  : — If  anybody  asks  you  that  impudent  ques- 
tion again,  "What  are  we  fightin'  for?"  jest  tell  him  he's  a 
goose,  and  don't  know  what  he's  talking  about,  for  we  anH 
fightin'  at  all  ;  we've  got  peace  now  ;  got  an  armistice,  they 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  291 

call  it  ;  so  there's  no  sense  at  all  in  their  putting  that  ques- 
tion to  you  any  more.  We've  got  the  opposition  fairly  on  the 
hip  upon  that  question,  if  no  other  ;  fairly  gagged  'em  ;  they 
can't  say  to  you  any  longer  now,  "  What  are  we  fightin'for  ?" 
This  is  some  consolation  for  the  shabby  trick  Trist  has  served 
us.  That  fellow  has  made  a  bargain  with  the  Mexicans  to 
stop  the  war,  in  spite  of  the  orders  you  sent  to  him  to  come 
right  home  and  let  things  alone.  I  felt  uneasy  about  it  when 
I  see  him  hanging  about  here  so  long  after  he  got  his  orders 
to  come  home,  and  I  said  to  him,  once  or  twice,  "  Mr.  Trist, 
what's  the  reason  you  don't  go  off  home  and  mind  the  Presi- 
dent ?     This  unlawful  boldness  of  yourn  is  shameful." 

"  Why,  Major,"  says  he,  "  he  that  does  his  master^s  will 
does  right,  whether  he  goes  according  to  orders  or  not.  The 
President  sent  me  out  here  to  make  peace,  and  it's  a  wonder 
to  me  if  I  don't  fix  it  yet,  somehow  or  other,  before  I've  done 
with  it."  And  then  he  put  his  finger  to  the  side  of  his  nose 
and  give  me  a  sassy  look,  as  much  as  to  say,  "  Major  Down- 
ing, you  better  not  try  to  be  looking  into  diplomatic  things 
that's  too  deep  for  you." 

Says  I,  "  Mr.  Trist,  Pm  astonished  at  you  ;  I  thought  you 
was  a  man  of  more  judgment,  and  looked  deeper  into  things. 
Don't  you  see  what  advantage  it  gives  the  President  to  let 
things  now  stand  just  as  they  be  ?  He's  offered  peace  to  the 
Mexicans,  and  they  have  refused  it.  Therefore,  the  opposition 
at  home  can't  cry  out  against  him  any  more  if  he  goes  ahead 
with  the  war.  He's  shet  their  mouths  up  on  that  score.  He's 
made  the  war  popular,  and  can  go  into  the  Presidential  cam- 
paign now  with  a  good  chance  of  being  elected  another  term. 
And  now,  if  you  go  to  dabblin'  in  the  business  any  more,  Pm 
sure  you'll  do  mischief.  As  things  now  stand,  peace  is  the 
last  thing  in  the  world  that  the  President  wants.  You've 
done  your  errand  here  and  got  your  answer  ;  and  it's  turned 


292  5IY    THIRTY    YEARS 

out  jest  right  ;  we  can  go  on  with  our  annexin'  all  Mexico 
now,  without  such  an  everlasting  growlin'  among  the  oppo- 
sition at  home,  for  we've  offered  the  Mexicans  peace,  and  they 
wouldn't  take  it.  So  you've  nothin'  to  do  now  but  to  be  off 
home,  for  the  war  is  jest  in  the  right  shape  as  it  is." 

Well,  now,  after  all  this  plain  advice — for  I  felt  it  my  duty 
to  be  plain  with  him — he  still  kept  hanging  about  here,  day 
after  day,  and  the  first  I  knew  we  was  took  all  aback  by 
being  told  that  Mr.  Trist  had  made  a  treaty,  and  Gineral  Scott 
was  to  order  an  armistice.  I  couldn't  hardly  believe  my  ears 
at  first.  I  Dosted  right  off  to  Gineral  Scott  to  know  what  it 
all  meant. 

'•  Gineral,"  says  I,  "  are  you  going  to  order  an  armistice  ?  '^ 

"  Yes,  Major  Downing,"  says  he,  "  Mr.  Trist  and  the  Mexi- 
can Commissioners  have  signed  the  preliminaries  of  a  treat}'  ; 
so,  of  course,  we  shall  have  an  armistice." 

"  Well,  now,  Gineral,"  says  I,  "  I  don't  think  the  President 
will  thank  you  for  that." 

"  Can't  help  that,"  says  he,  "  I  must  obey  the  orders  of  the 
Government,  thanks  or  no  thanks.  And  when  Mr.  Trist  was 
sent  out  here  to  make  a  treaty,  I  was  directed,  whenever  the 
plan  of  a  treaty  should  be  signed  on  both  sides,  to  order  an 
armistice,  and  wait  for  the  two  Governments  to  ratify  the 
treaty.  Well,  Mr.  Trist  and  the  Mexican  Commissioners  have 
at  last  fixed  up  some  kind  of  a  bargain,  and  signed  it,  and, 
of  course,  according  to  my  orders,  we  have  nothing  to  do  but 
to  stand  still  and  wait  for  the  two  Governments  to  clinch  the 
nail." 

"  Bat,"  says  I,  "  Gineral,  you  know  Mr.  Trist  has  no  right 
to  make  a  treaty  any  more  than  I  have,  for  the  President  has 
ordered  him  to  come  home  ;  and  if  he  has  made  a  treaty,  it's 
no  better  than  a  piece  of  blank  paper,  and  you  shouldn't 
mind  it." 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE 


293 


"Don't  know  anything'  about  them  matters,"  says  he; 
"  I  can't  go  behind  the  curtain  to  inquire  what  little  maneuvers 
are  going  on  between  the  President  and  his  Commissioner. 
Mr.  Trist  came  out  here  with  his  regular  commission  to  make 
a  treaty.  He  has  brought  me  a  treaty  signed  by  himself  and 
the  Mexican  Commissioners,  and  my  orders  are  to  cease  hos- 
tilities. Of  course,  we  can  do  nothin'  else  but  halt  and  stack 
our  arms." 

"  Well,"  says  I,  "  Gincral,  it  an't  right  ;  it's  bad  business  ; 


THE  MAJOR  REMONSTRATING  WITH  GENERAL  SCOTT. 

it'll  breakup  this  grand  annexin'  plan  that  was  jest  going  on 
SO  nice  that  we  might  a  got  through  with  it  in  a  year  or  two 
more  ;  and  then  it  will  bother  the  President  most  to  death 
about  his  election  for  the  second  term.  That  treaty  must  be 
stopped  ;  it  musn't  be  sent  home  ;  and  PU  go  right  and  see 
Mr.  Trist  about  it." 

So  off  I  went  and  hunted  up  Mr.  Trist,  and  had  a  talk  with 
him.  Says  I,  "  Trist,  how's  this  ?  They  tell  me  you've  been 
making  a  treaty  willi  these  Mexicans." 


294  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

"  Shouldn't  wonder  if  I  had,"  says  he  ;  "  that's  jest  what  I 
come  out  here  for." 

"  Well,  I  must  say,  sir,"  says  I,  "  I  think  this  is  a  pretty 
piece  of  business.  How  do  you  dare  to  do  such  a  thing  ?  You 
know  the  President  has  ordered  you  home." 

"  Yes,"  says  he,  "  and  I  mean  to  go  home  as  soon  as  I  get 
through  the  job  he  sent  me  to  do." 

"Well,  now,"  says  I,  "  Trist,  I  claim  to  know  what  the 
President  is  about,  and  what  he  wants,  and  Pm  his  confiden- 
tial friend  and  private  embassador  out  here,  and  I  shall  take 
the  liberty  to  interfere  in  this  business.  This  high-handed 
doings  of  3^ourn  must  be  nipt  off  in  the  bud.  What  sort  of  a 
bargain  have  you  made  ?     Jest  let  me  look  at  the  treaty." 

"  Can't  do  it,"  says  he,  "  it's  half  way  to  Vera  Cruz  by  this 
time  ;  I  sent  it  off  yesterday." 

"  Blood  and  thunder  ! "  sa^^s  I,  "  then  you  have  knocked 
the  whole  business  in  the  head,  sure  enough.  You've  com- 
mitted an  outrageous  crime,  sir,  and  a  great  shame  ;  and 
don't  you  know,  sir,  that  great  crimes  deserve  great  punish- 
ments ?  I  don't  know  what  Colonel  Polk  will  do  ;  but  I  know 
what  my  friend.  Old  Hickory,  would  do  if  he  was  alive  ;  he 
would  hang  you  right  up  to  the  first  tree  he  could  come  at." 

"  What !  hang  me  for  doing  jest  what  I  was  sent  here  to 
do?"  says  he.  "For  Pve  made  jest  such  a  bargain  as  the 
President  told  me  to  make  ;  only  a  leetle  better  one." 

"That's  nothing  here  nor  there,"  says  I,  "you  know  cir- 
cumstances alters  cases.  And  you  know  well  enough,  or  you 
ought  to  have  sense  enough  to  know,  that,  as  things  now 
stand,  the  President  don't  want  a  treaty.  Now,"  says  I,  "  Mr. 
Trist,  answer  me  one  plain  question — Do  you  think  you  have 
any  right  at  all  to  make  a  treaty  after  the  President  has  or'i» 
dered  j^ou  home  ? " 

"  WelV  says  he,  "  I  think  circumstances  alter  cases,  too  ; 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  295 

and  when  the  President  ordered  me  home,  I  suppose  he 
thought  I  couldn't  get  through  the  job  he  sent  me  to  do. 
But  I  thought  I  could,  and  so  I  kept  trying,  and  I've  got 
through  with  it  at  last,  and  done  the  business  all  up  accord- 
ing to  my  first  orders  ;  and  I  don't  see  why  the  President 
shouldn't  be  well  satisfied." 

"  Well,"  says  I,  "  what's  the  items  of  the  bargain  ?  What 
have  you  agreed  upon  ?  " 

MVhy,"  says  he,  "  we  have  the  whole  of  Texas  clear  to  the 
Rio  Grande  ;  we  have  all  of  New  Mexico,  and  all  of  Upper 
California.  And  we  pay  the  Mexicans  fifteen  millions  of  dol- 
lars, and  pay  our  own  citizens  five  millions  that  the  Mexicans 
owed  them.  And  wo  stop  firing,  draw  our  charges  from  the 
guns  that  are  loaded,  and  go  home." 

'*  Well,  now,"  says  I,  "  Trist,  don't  you  think  you  are  a 
pretty  fellow  to  make  such  a  bargain  as  that  at  this  time  of 
day  ?  The  President  will  be  mortified  to  death  about  it. 
Here  we've  been  fightin'  near  about  two  years  to  make  the 
Mexicans  pay  over  that  five  millions  of  dollars  they  owed  our 
people,  and  now  you've  agreed  that  we  shall  put  our  hands  in 
our  pockets  and  pay  it  ourselves.  The  whole  plan  of  the  war 
has  been  carried  on  by  the  President  upon  the  highest  prin- 
ciples, to  go  straight  ahead  and  *  conquer  a  peace,'  man- 
fashion  ;  and  now  you've  agreed  to  back  out  of  the  scrape, 
and  huy  a  peace,  and  pay  the  money  for  it.  You  know  very 
well  the  President  has  declared,  time  and  again,  that  the  war 
should  go  on  till  we  got  indemnity  for  the  past,  and  security 
for  the  future — them's  his  own  words — and  now  you've  agreed 
to  settle  up  without  getting  one  jot  of  either.  For  the  past 
we  are  at  least  a  hundred  millions  of  dollars  out  of  pocket, 
besides  losing  ten  or  fifteen  thousand  men.  As  for  the  men, 
I  s'pose  you  may  say  we  can  ofiset  them  against  the  Mexi- 
cans  we   have   killed,    and   as    we   have   killed   more   than 


296  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

they  have,  maybe  it  foots  up  a  little  in  our  favor,  and  that's 
the  only  advantage  you've  secured.     As  for  the  hundred  mil- 
lions of  dollars,  we  don't  get  a  penny  of  it  back.  So  all  the  in- 
demnity you  get  for  the  past  is  a  few  thousand  dead  Mexicans, 
that  is,  as  many  as   remains  after  subtracting   what  they've 
killed  of  us  from  what  we've    killed  of  them.     But  the    cap- 
sheaf  of  your  bargain  is  the  *  security  for  the  future.'  The  cities 
and  towns  and  castles  that  we  have  fit  so  hard  to  take,  and 
have  got  our  men  into,  and  all  so  well  secured,  you  now  agree 
to  give  'em  all  light  up   again  to  the  enemy,  and   march  our 
men  off"  home  with  their  fingers  in  their  mouths  ;  and  that's 
our  security  for  the  future.     As  for  the  fifteen  millions  of  dol- 
lars you  agree  to  pay  for  New  Mexico  and  California,  you 
might  jest  as  well  a  thrown  the  money  into  the  sea,  for  they 
was  ours  afore  ;  they   was  already  conquered  and  annexed, 
and  was  as  much  ours  as  if  we  had  paid,  the  money  for  'em.'' 
Here  I  turned  on  my  heel  and  left  him,  for  I  was  so  disgust- 
ed at  the  conduct  of  the  feller  that  I  wouldn't  have  any  more 
talk  with  him.     And  now,  my  dear  Colonel,  there  is   nothing 
for  us  to  do  but  to  look  this   business  right  in  the  face,  and 
make  the  best  we  can  of  it.     If  there  was  any  way  to  keep  the 
thing  out  of  sight,  it  would  be  best  for  you  to  throw  the  treaty 
into  the  fire  as  soon  as  you  get  it,  and  send  word  on  to   Gin- 
eral  Scott  to  go  ahead  again.     But  that  is  impossible  ;  it  will 
be  spread  all  over  the  country,  and  known  to  everybody.  And 
I'm  convinced  it  will  be  the  best  way  for  you  to  turn  right 
about,  make  believe   to  be  glad  about  what  can't  be   helped, 
and  accept  the  treaty.     The  nominations  for  President  is  close 
at  hand,  and  you  must  get  ready  to  go    into  the  election  fur 
your  second  term  with  what   you've  got,  and   make  the  bcL-.t 
show  you  can  wnth  it.     If  you  should  reject  the  treaty,  the  op- 
position would  get  the  advantage  of  you  again  ;  they  would 
then  cry  out  that  the  Mexicans  has    asked  for  poaco,  and  yaw 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE. 


29V 


had  refused  it ;  and  there  would  be  no  end  to  their  growling* 
about  this  oppressive  war  of  invasion.  But  if  you  accept  the 
treaty,  it  puts  an  end  to  their  grumbling  about  the  war. 

To  pacify  our  friends  that  are  very  eager  for  the  whole  of 
Mexico,  you  must  tell  'em  to  look  at  it  and  see  how  much  we 
have  already  got  ;  keep  telling  of  'em  that  half  a  loaf  is  bet- 
ter than  no  bread  ;  tell  'em  to  keep  quiet  till  after  your  next 
election  is  over,  and  maybe  you'll  contrive  some  plan  to  be  cut- 
ting into  t'other  half.  Keep  Mr.  Kitchie  blowing  the  organ, 
all  weathers,  to  the  tune  of  half  of  Mexico  for  a  song.  Tell 
the  whole  country,  and  brazen  it  out  to  everybody,  that  you've 
made  a  great  bargain,  a  capital  bargain,  much  better  than 
Jefferson  made  when  he  bought  Louisiana  for  fifteen  millions 
of  dollars  ;  tell  'em  for  the  same  sum  of  money  you  have  got  a 
great  deal  more  land,  and  more  men  on  it.  I'm  satisfied  this 
is  the  best  ground  to  take  ;  we  must  go  for  the  treaty,  and, 
bitter  pill  as  it  is,  we  must  swallow  it  as  though  we  loved 
it.  I  s'pose  it  will  have  to  go  before  the  Senate,  as 
the  Constitution  now  stands  (the  Constitution  is  very  de- 
fective on  that  pint,  and  ought  to  be  mended,  for  it's  dan- 
gerous trusting  important  matters  to  the  Senate)  ;  but  you 
must  drive  your  friends  all  up  to  vote  for  it  ;  don't  let  it 
fail  on  no  account  ;  don't  let  'em  go  to  fingerin'  it  over,  and 
putting  in  amendments  that  will  make  the  Mexicans  so  mad 
that  they  will  kick  it  all  over  again.  For  that  would  put 
things  into  such  a  hurly-burly  that  I'm  afraid  you  would  lose 
your  election. 

Ratify  the  treaty,  and  then  gather  up  all  the  glory  that's 
been  made  out  of  this  war,  twist  it  into  a  sort  of  glory  wreath 
round  your  head,  and  march  with  a  bold  step  and  a  stiff*  up- 
per lip  right  into  the  Presidential  campaign,  and  I  shouldn't 
wonder  if  you  beat  the  whole  bunch  of  all  your  enemies  and 

ail  your  friends.     And  if  you  went  into  your  second  term  on 
13 


298  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

the  strenth  of  half  of  Mexico,  it  would  be  a  pretty  good  sign 
that  you  might  go  into  a  third  term  on  the  strength  of  the  whole 
of  it. 

I  remain  your  faithful  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LIX. 

FIFTH  DISPATCH  OF  MAJOR  DOWNING  FROM  THE  CITY  OF  MEXICO. 

City  of  Mexico,  March  22,  1848. 

Mr.  Gales  &  Seaton — 

My  Dear  Old  Friends  : — When  I  have  to  write  about  the 
war,  and  the  treaty,  and  things  of  that  sort  that  belongs  to 
diplomatics,  of  course  I  send  my  dispatches  to  the  President 
or  Mr.  Ritchie  ;  but  when  things  branch  off  inio  the  newspa- 
per line,  then  I  send  'em  to  you.  We've  had  Gineral  Scott  on 
trial  here  five  days,  for  high  treason  against  Gineral  Pillow 
and  Gineral  Worth.  If  it  goes  agin  him,  I  don't  know  whether 
they  will  conclude  to  hang  him  or  shot  him  up  in  some  of  the 
mines  of  Mexico  for  life.  But  he  tights  like  a  Turk,  and  an't 
skeered  at  nuthin'.  The  President  better  send  on  some  more 
help,  for  I  an't  sure  that  what  there  is  here  will  be  able  to 
handle  him.  The  battle  has  been  pretty  hot  for  five  days,  and 
I  don't  see  as  they  get  the  upper  hand  of  him  at  all  yet.  It 
would  be  a  great  pity  if  a  man  that  has  been  guilty  of  such 
horrible  crimes  as  he  has  out  here  in  Mexico,  should  slip 
through  their  fingers  at  last,  and  escape  punishment.  I  begin 
to  feel  a  little  afraid  how  it  will  come  out.  For  my  part,  I 
go  for  justice,  hit  who  'twill.  If  a  man  will  commit  wimes,  let 
him  be  punished  for  it.  I'm  afraid  the  President  has  missed 
a  figger  in  leaving  it  out  to  such  men  as  he  has.     It  would  a 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE. 


299 


been  safer  and  more  sure  to  leave  it  out  to  a  jury  of  Mexi- 
cans. I've  no  doubt  the  lea;st  verdict  they  would  give  would 
a  been  two  years  in  the  deepest  and  darkest  mine  in  Mexico 
for  his  taking  Vera  Cruz  and  the  Castle  ;  two  years  more  for 
the  cutting  and  slashin'  he  give  'em  at  Cerro  Gordo  :  two 


GEXERAL    SCOTr    COURT-MARriALED    IX    MEXICO, 

years  more  for  Chapultepec  and  Churubusco  ;  and  all  the  rest 
of  his  life  for  his  taking  the  city  of  Mexico.  In  that  case,  you 
see,  his  punishment  would  a  been  measured  out  something  ac- 
cording to  his  crimes. 


300  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

I  was  thinking  last  night  that  I  ought  to  make  up  a  little 
budget  about  this  trial  and  send  it  on  to  3'ou,  as  I  promised  to 
let  you  know  once  in  a  while  how  things  was  getting  along 
out  here.  And  while  I  was  bothering  my  head  to  know  which 
end  to  begin  at,  a  man  came  in  and  brought  me  a  little  letter. 
I  took  it  and  opened  it,  and  I  couldn't  hardly  believe  my  eyes 
at  first,  to  see  the  name  of  Gineral  Pillow  signed  to  it,  Ue 
"  requested  me  to  call  at  his  quarters  in  the  evening,"  on  very 
urgent  and  important  business.  Thinks  I  to  myself,  what  in 
thunder  can  this  mean?  Then  I  thought  maybe  they  had  got 
a  hint  that  the  prisoner  intended  to  run  away,  and  they  wanted 
me  to  help  keep  guard  round  Gineral  Scott's  quarters  to  see 
that  he  didn't  escape. 

So,  jest  at  dark,  I  went  round  to  Gineral  Pillow's  quarters. 
He  seemed  to  be  amazin'  glad  to  see  me,  and  took  me  by  ike  arm 
and  led  me  into  t'other  room. 

"  Major  Downing,"  says  he,  "  Pm  very  happy  to  see  you.  I 
wish  you  wouldn't  make  yourself  such  a  stranger  to  my  quar- 
ters ;  it  would  give  me  a  great  deal  of  pleasure  to  see  you 
oftener." 

I  thanked  him,  and  told  him  that  his  rank  was  a  good  deal 
superior  to  mine,  and  I  always  felt  kind  of  delicate  about  put- 
ting myself  alongside  of  them  that  was  so  much  above  me. 

"  Not  at  all,"  says  he,  "  Major,  not  at  all  ;  we  have  to  ob- 
serve rank,  to  be  sure,  when  we  are  on  the  field  ;  but  every- 
where else  we  are  all  equals,  Major,  all  equals  ;  give  us  your 
hand."     And  here  he  giv  my  hand  another  hearty  shake. 

"  Major,"  says  he,  "  I  understand  you  write  letters  to  the 
National  Intelligencer  sometimes,  about  matters  out  here  in 
Mexico." 

"  Well,  yes,"  says  I,  "  Gineral,  I  do  sometimes,  when  it  don't 
interfere  with  my  public  duties  as  the  President's  private 
embassador.'^ 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE  801 

Then  he  turned  round  and  put  the  door  to,  and  begun  to 
speak  in  a  little  lower  tone. 

"  Major,"  says  he,  "  that  Intelligencer  is  a  capital  paper  ; 
it  deserves  to  be  encouraged.  I  take  a  warm  interest  in  the  pros- 
perity of  that  paper ^  and  mean  to  do  something  for  it.  I'll  be  the 
making  of  it  yet,  when  I  get  to  the  rank  and  situation  I  expect 
to  get.  I  s'pose  you'll  send  some  account  of  this  court-martial 
down  by  the  courier  to-morrow,  to  go  to  the  Intelligencer  ? 

"  AVell,  yes,"  says  I,  "  I  was  thinking  of  sending  some  little 
outline  of  it,  so  the  folks  at  home  in  the  United  States  might 
understand  the  substance  of  it  as  far  as  it  has  got  along." 

Then  he  took  a  written  paper  out  of  his  pocket,  and  says 
he,  "Major,  here  is  a  clear  account  of  the  proceedings,  as  far 
as  they  have  gone,  all  carefully  drawn  up,  and  putting  every- 
thing in  a  true  light.  I  should  like  to  have  you  take  this  and 
send  it  on  to  the  Intelligencer,  and  have  it  inserted  as 
coming  from  an  authentic  source  ;  or,  if  you  choose,  you  can 
work  it  in  and  make  it  a  part  of  your  letter,  and  tvien  nobody 
will  doubt  but  what  it  comes  from   an  authentic  source." 

After  I  took  it  and  looked  a  while  over  some  parts  of  it, 
says  I,  "  Gineral,  it  seems  to  me  it  is  most  too  soon  to  seud 
on  such  a  particular  account  as  this,  for  fear  of  making  some 
mistakes.  It  must  take  some  time  to  pick  the  matters  all  up 
and  put  them  together  in  the  right  shape,  so  as  to  give  eveiy 
one  his  fair  share.  I  thought  I  would  send  on  now  the  main 
points  of  it,  and  send  on  the  particulars  when  we've  had  a 
chance  to  pick  'em  all  up  and  put  'em  together  right." 

"  But,  Major,"  says  he,  "  I'm  very  anxious  this  account  should 
go  off  with  the  first  impresslm^.  You  know  a  great  deal  depends 
on  first  impressions  ;  therefore,  no  time  should  be  lost  in  get- 
ting this  before  the  public  ;  and  the  best  way  to  do  it  is  lo 
work  it  into  3'our  report.  To  be  sure,  the  paper  does  consid- 
erable justice  to  me,  but  not   more   than  I  think  yon  will   be 


302  MY    TfllKTY    YFAR3 

satisfied  belongs  to  me.  I  nccer  ask  any  one  to  jpuff  mc  ;  hut  I 
have  confidence  in  you  to  believe  that  you  will  do  me  justice.  I  never 
forget  my  friends.  There's  uo  knowing  but  the  upshot  of  this 
trial  may  tip  Gineral  Scott  out  of  the  tail-end  of  the  cart  yet  ; 
and  if  so,  I  stand  a  good  chance  of  being  placed  at  the  head 
of  military  affairs  here  ;  and,  between  you  and  me,  that  would 
give  me  a  strong  chance  of  succeeding  Mr,  Polk  in  the  Presi- 
dency.    And,  you  know,  I  never  forget  my  friends." 

"  Well,"  says  I,  "  Gineral,  seein'  you  are  so  arnest  about  it, 
Pll  take  the  paper  home  with  me,  and  look  it  over,  and  if  I 
find  I  can  work  it  into  my  letter,  so  it  will  look  ship-shape, 
Pll  do  it.  And  then,  I  take  it,  I  shall  have  your  word,  upon 
the  honor  of  an  officer,  that  you  never  will  forget  me  and  the 
National  Intelligencer." 

"  That  you  shall,"  says  he,  giving  me  another  shake  of  the 
hand.  "  But,"  says  he,  "  you  better  stop  with  me  to-night, 
and  do  it  all  up  here  ;  IHl  give  yni  a  comfortable  place  to  write, 
some  flacz  to  sleej),  and  soldier  fareP 

I  thanked  him  very  kindly  for  his  hospitality,  but  I  told  him 
I  should  have  to  go  back  to  my  quarters,  where  I  had  left 
some  parts  of  my  dispatch  ready  fixed  up.  In  bidding  me 
good  night,  he  shook  me  very  warmly  by  the  hand,  and  urged 
me  again  to  put  the  document  he  had  given  me  into  my  letter, 
as  he  was  very  anxious  it  should  go  off  with  the  first  impressions. 
So,  here  it  is  ;  and  if  I  find  it  necessary,  after  copying  it,  to 
add  any  notes  or  interlinings,  I  can  do  it  : 

DOCKYMENT. 

GREAT  BATTLE  IX  THE  COURT-MARTIAL. 

This  important  investigation,  which  has  been  going  on  for 
five  days,  is  likely  to  use  General  Scott  all  up  to  nothing  ; 
there  won't  be  so  much  as  a  grease  spot  left  of  him  ;  while, 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  303 

at  the  same  time,  it  cannot  fail  to  add  to  the  renown  and  fair 
fame  of  General  Pillow,  till  it  raises  him  above  all  Greek, 
above  all  Roman  fame.  General  Worth,  also,  has  shown  a 
magnanimity  in  this  contest  which  will  crown  him  with  im- 
mortal honor.  He  had  a  forty-nine  pounder,  loaded  to  the 
muzzle,  pointed  directly  at  the  head  of  Scott,  which  would  a 
blowed  his  brains  clear  to  the  North  Pole  ;  but  seeing  the 
weakness  and  imbecility  of  Scott,  who  was  almost  ready  to 
get  down  upon  his  knees,  and,  with  tears  in  his  eyes,  ask  his 
pardon.  Worth,  with  unparalleled  magnanimity,  refused  to 
fire,  and  absolutely  w^ithdrew  the  charge  from  the  gun,  saying 
to  the  by-standers,  "  The  President  has  given  me  all  I  want ; 
why  should  I  stoop  to  kill  this  poor  devil  of  a  Scott  ?"  After 
Worth  had  thus  generously  thrown  away  his  powder,  Scott, 
with  his  usual  meanness,  put  on  a  bragadocio  show  of  cour- 
age, and  dared  him  to  the  fight ;  but  of  course  Worth  wouldn't 
take  any  notice  of  him. 

Scott  had  bullied  Duncan,  but  when  he  found  Duncan  was 
prepared  to  defend  himself,  with  the  most  craven  spirit  he 
coaxed  him  to  let  the  matter  drop,  and  hush  it  up.  He  had, 
also,  in  the  most  shameful  manner,  bullied  General  Pillow  ; 
but  when  he  found  he  had  roused  the  lion,  he  did  not  dare  to 
beard  the  lion.  As  soon  as  the  gallant  Pillow,  the  high- 
souled  Pillow,  the  chivalric  and  courageous  Pillow,  appeared 
on  the  field  of  combat,  Scott  commenced  a  rapid  and  igno- 
minious retreat.  But  General  Pillow,  actuated  by  a  high 
sense  of  public  duty,  as  well  as  a  proper  regard  for  his  own 
honor,  would  not  allow  public  sentiment  to  be  so  outraged 
wnth  impunity  ;  he,  therefore,  pursued  the  cowardly  Scott, 
determined  that,  poltroon  as  he  was,  he  should  either  fight  or 
die.  For  two  or  three  days  Scott  was  fleeing  for  his  life,  and 
making  the  most  desperate  efforts  to  escape  from  the  field  of 
battle  ;  but  the  gallant  Pillow  pursued  him  and  cut  him  off 


304  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

on  every  tack,  and  foiled  and  floored  him  at  every  turn.  The 
talent,  tact,  prowess  and  generalship  displayed  by  General 
Pillow  on  this  occasion  has  probably  never  been  equaled,  ex- 
cept by  the  same  gallant  officer  on  the  battle-fields  of  Mexico, 
when  he  killed  the  Mexican  officer  in  single  combat,  was  struck 
down  upon  his  knees  by  the  concussion  of  a  cannon-ball  upon 
his  head,  and  led  his  troops  to  victory  by  wading  chin-deep 
through  a  creek  of  mud  and  water.  The  hot  pursuit  of  Pillow 
at  last  drove  Scott  into  a  corner,  from  which  it  was  impossi- 
ble for  him  to  escape.  lie  then  turned  and  raised  his  puny 
arm  to  fight  ;  but  the  weakness  of  his  w^eapons,  his  little 
pointless  darts,  and  pop-gun  squibs,  were  almost  too  ridicu- 
lous even  to  excite  a  laugh.  The  heroic  Pillow  stood  in  peer- 
less majesty,  and  shook  them  off  as  unconcernedly  as  the  lion 
shakes  the  dew-drops  from  his  mane.  During  this  whole  con- 
test Gen.  Pilloiv^s  loell-deviscd  plans  of  battle,  his  judicious  disjposi' 
tion  of  his  forces,  his  coolness  aiid  daring  during  the  whole  of  this 
terrible  battle,  is  the  subject  of  universal  congratulation  among  his 
friends,  and  general  remark  icith  all. 

LlOX — ASS. 

Erased  from  the  above  :  "  During  this  great  battle,  which 
has  lasted  now  for  five  days,  Pillow  was  in  command  of  all  the 
forces  engaged  except  Worth's  division,  which  was  not  en- 
gaged." Also  erased:  "He  (Pillow)  has  completely  silenced 
his  enemies." 

On  the  whole,  the  above  docyment  seems  to  give  such  a 
clear,  candid  view  of  the  proceedings  of  the  court-martial 
during  the  first  five  days,  that  I  don't  think  it  is  necessary  for 
me  to  add  another  word.  Give  my  love  to  the  President  and 
Mr.  Ritchie  ;  and  I  remain  your  old  friend,  whether  we  go  on 
annexin'  any  more  or  not, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


OUT   OF   THE    SENATE.  305 


LETTER   LX. 

private  letter  to  major  jack  downing. 

Post-Office,  Downingville, 

State  of  Maine,  June  30,  1848. 


f 


Dear  Nephew  : — Bein'  our  array  is  about  breakin'  up  in  Mex- 
ico and  coming  home,  I  thought  the  best  chance  to  get  a  let- 
to  you  would  be  to  get  your  old  friends,  Mr.  Gales  and  Seaton, 
to  send  it  on  that  way,  and  maybe  it  might  come  across  you 
somewhere  on  the  road,  if  you  are  still  in  the  land  of  the 
living.  Your  Aunt  Keziah  is  in  a  great  worriment  about 
you,  and  is  very  much  frightened  for  fear  somethin'  has  hap- 
pened, because  we  haven't  heard  nothin'  from  you  since  your 
last  letter.  I  try  to  pacify  her,  and  tell  her  the  fighting  was 
all  over,  and  nothin'  to  do  but  to  finish  up  the  court-martial 
the  last  time  you  writ,  and  that  there  isn't  agoing  to  be  no 
more  annexin'  till  Mr.  Cass  comes  in  President,  and  you'll  soon 
be  along.  But  all  won't  pacify  her  ;  she's  as  uneasy  as  a  fish 
out  of  water,  and  says  she  lays  awake  half  the  night  thinking 
of  them  garillas,  for  fear  they've  got  hold  of  you.  So  I  hope 
you'll  write  home  as  soon  as  possible,  and  let  us  know  whether 
you  are  dead  or  alive,  and  setj'our  Aunt  Keziah's  heart  to  rest. 

For  my  part,  I  hope  you  will  hurry  along  tack  as  fast  as 

you  can.     Our  politics  is  very  much  mixed  up  and  in   a  bad 

way  about   the  Presidency.     It  would  puzzle  a   Philadelphy 

lawyer  to  tell  how  it's  comin'  out.     It  was  a  very  unlucky  hit 

when  President  Polk  sent  Old  Zack  Taylor  down  to  Mexico. 

He  wasn't  the  right  man.     But,  then,  I  s'pose  Mr.  Polk  had  no 

idea  of  what  sort  of  a  chap  he  had  got  hold  of.     It  can't  be 

helped  now,  but  it's  like  to  be   the  ruin  of  our  party.     The 
13* 


306  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

Democratic  party  liaint  seen  a  well  day  since  Taylor  first  be- 
gun his  Pally  Alto  battles  ;  and  now  we  are  all  shiverin'  as 
bad  as  if  we  had  the  fever  and  agay.  I  don't  know,  after  all, 
but  this  annexin'  Mexico  will  turn  out  to  be  an  unlucky  blow 
to  the  party  ;  for  what  will  it  profit  the  Democratic  party  if 
they  gain  the  whole  world  and  lose  the  Presidency  ?  Ye  see, 
the  Whigs  have  put  up  Taylor  for  President  ;  and  it  has  com  • 
pletely  knocked  us  all  into  a  cocked  hat.  There  isn't  one- 
half  of  us  that  knows  where  we  stan'  or  which  way  we  are 
goin' ;  and  there  isn't  a  party  fence  in  the  country  that  is  high 
enough  to  keep  our  folks  from  jumping  over.  They  are  getting 
kind  of  crazy,  and  seem  to  feel  as  if  Old  Hickory  had  got  back 
again,  and  they  was  all  running  to  vote  for  him.  The  Whigs 
laugh  and  poke  fun  at  us,  and  say  they  have  got  as  good  a 
right  to  have  a  Hickory  as  we  Democrats  have.  We  put  up 
Gineral  Cass  first,  and  thought  we  should  carry  it  all  hollow  ; 
for  he's  a  strong  man,  and  took  a  good  deal  of  pains  to  make 
the  party  like  him  all  orer  the  country.  And  if  the  Whigs 
had  done  as  they  ought  to,  and  put  up  Clay,  or  any  one  they 
had  a  right  to  put  up,  we  should  a  carried  the  day  without 
any  trouble.  But  the  conduct  of  the  Whigs  has  been  shame- 
ful in  this  business.  Instead  of  taking  a  man  that  fairly  be- 
longed to  'em,  the}^  have  grabbed  hold  of  a  man  that  got  all 
his  popularity  out  of  our  war,  and  was  under  the  pay  of  our 
Administration,  and  has  been  made  and  built  up  by  our  part}^ 
and  the  Whigs  had  no  more  business  with  him  than  they  had 
with  the  man  in  the  moon.  But,  for  all  that,  the  Whigs  had 
the  impudence  to  nominate  him.  Well,  that  riled  our  water 
all  up,  so  we  couldn't  see  bottom  nowhere.  Bat  we  soon  found 
there  was  a  shiftin'  and  whirlin'  of  currents,  and  the  wind  and 
the  tide  was  settin'  us  on  to  the  rocks  in  spite  of  us.  We  soon 
see  that  old  Rough  and  Ready,  as  they  call  him,  was  going  to 
be  too  much  for  Cass.     But,  as  we  was   all   making  up  our 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE. 


307 


mind  that  it  was  gone  goose  with  ns,  Mr.  John  Van  Buven,  of 
York  State— he's  a  smart  feller,  a  son  of  President  Van  Buren, 
and  a  chip  of  the  old  block-he  sings  out  :  "  Don't  give  np 
the  ship  yet  ;  if  one  hoss  an't  enough  to  draw  the  load,  hitch 
on  another.  There's  father,  he'll  draw  like  a  two-year-old." 
Well  the  idea  seemed  to  take  ;  and  they  stirred  round  and 
got  lip  another  Convention  at  Utica,  in  York  State,  to  see  who 
they  should  put  up,  and  they  all  pitched  upon  President  Van 


RACE  FOE  THE  PRESIDENCY— OLD  ZACK  AHEAD. 

Buren.  Mr.  Van  Buren  patted  them  on  the  shoulder,  and  told 
'em  to  have  good  courage  and  go  ahead,  for  they  was  on  the 
right  track,  but  they  must  hitch  on  somebody  else  besides 
him,  for  he  had  made  up  his  mind  four  years  ago  not  to  take 
bold  again.  But  they  stuck  to  him  with  tears  in  their  eyes, 
and  told  him  there  wasn't  another  man  in  the  country  that 
could  draw  like  him  alongside  of  Cass,  and  if  he  still  had  any 


308  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

patriotism  for  the  party  left  he  musn't  say  no.  And  they 
worked  upon  his  feelin's  so  much  that  at  last  he  didn't  say  no. 
So  now  we've  got  two  candidates,  Cass  and  Van  Buren,  and 
good  strong  ones,  too,  both  of  'em  ;  and  if  we..can't  whip  Tay- 
lor, I  think  it's  a  pity.  I  know  as  well  as  I  want  to  know 
that  we  shall  give  him  a  pesky  hard  tug.  Some  are  afraid  we 
an't  hardly  strong  enough  yet,  and  they've  called  another  con- 
vention, to  meet  in  Buffalo  the  9th  of  August,  to  put  up 
another  candidate.  But  others  are  faint-hearted  about  it,  and 
say  it's  all  no  kind  of  use  ;  we  may  put  up  twenty  candidates, 
and  Taylor  will  whip  the  whole  lot  ;  it's  a  way  he  has  ; 
he  always  did  just  so  in  Mexico.  If  they  brought  twenty  to 
one  agin'  him,  it  made  no  odds  ;  he  wliipt  the  whole  ring, 
from  Pally  Alto  to  Bona  Yista, 

So  you  see  what  sort  of  a  pickle  we're  in,  and  how  much 
we  need  your  help  jest  now.  But  there's  one  thing  on  my 
mind  pretty  strong  :  You  know  this  appointment  in  the  Down- 
ingville  Post-OfQce,  that  3'ou  got  Gineral  Jackson  to  give  me, 
has  always  been  a  great  comfort  to  me,  and  it  would  be  a  sad 
blow  to  me  to  lose  it  now  in  my  old  age.  I  wish  you  would 
make  it  in  your  way  to  call  and  see  Gineral  Taylor  as  j^ou 
come  along  home,  and  try  to  find  out  how  he  feels  toward  me  ; 
because,  if  he  is  to  be  elected  anyhow,  I  can't  see  any  use 
there  would  be  in  my  biting  ray  own  nose  off  for  the  sake  of 
opposing  his  election.  And  I  don't  think  that  patriotism  to 
the  party  requires  it  ;  and  I'm  sure  prudence  don't. 

When  you  get  to  Washington,  call  and  see  Mr.  Ritchie,  and 
try  to  comfort  him  ;  I'm  told  the  dear  old  gentleman  is  workin' 
too.  hard  for  his  strength — out  a  nights  in  the  rain,  with  a 
lantern  in  his  hand,  heading  the  campaign.  Try  to  persuade 
him  to  be  calm  and  take  good  care  of  himself.  And  be  sure 
and  ask  him  how  the  Federals  are  goin'  this  election,  for  we 
can't  find  out  anything  about  it  down  here.     I  used  to  know 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  309 

how  to  keep  the  run  of  the  Federals,  but  now  there  is  so  many 
parties — the  Democrats,  and  the  Whigs,  and  Hunkers,  and 
Barnburners,  and  Abolition  folks,  and  Proviso  folks — all  criss- 
crossin'  one  another,  that  I  have  my  match  to  keep  the  run  of 
'cm.  But  your  Aunt  Keziah  says  the  clock  has  struck,  and 
I  must  close  the  mail.     So  I  remain  your  loving  uncle, 

JOSHUA  DOWNING,  P.  M. 


LETTER   LXI. 

The  Mexican  war  is  over.  General  Taylor  has  come  home 
to  become  the  people's  candidate  for  the  Presidency,  and 
Major  Downing  has  also  returned  to  stump  the  country  for 
the  Democratic  party.  But  finding  the  tide  all  against  him, 
and  everywhere  setting  for  Old  Zack,  he  mounts  a  telegraph 
post  and  sends  a  hasty,  though  rather  discouraging,  dispatch 
to  President  Polk  : 

PRIVATE  REPORT  TO  JAMES    K.    POLK,    PRESIDENT    OF    AMERICA,  AND    HIS 
PART  OF  MEXICO. 

Telegraph  Wires,  October  31,  1848. 

Dear  Colonel  : — Pve  been  stumping  it  round  all  over  the 
lot  for  two  or  three  months,  tight  and  tight,  for  our  American 
friend,  Gineral  Cass,  and  as  I  s'pose  you  are  very  anxious  and 
uneasy  to  know  how  it's  coming  out,  I  thought  I  would  set 
down  and  make  out  a  private  report,  and  send  it  on  to  you  by 
the  telegraph  wires,  for  they  say  they  go  like  lightening,  and 
give  you  some  of  the  premonitory  symptons,  so  that  when  the 
after-clap  comes  you  may  be  a  little  prepared  for  it,  and  not 
feel  so  bad.  As  I  said  afore,  Pve  been  all  round  the  lot,  some- 
times by  the  steamboats,  and  sometimes  by  the  railroads,  and 
sometimes  by  the  telegraph,  and  when  there  wasn't  no  other 


310 


MY    THIRTY    YEARS 


way  to  go,  I  footed  it.  And  Tm  satisfied  the  jig  is  up  with 
us,  and  it's  no  use  in  my  tryiijg  any  longer ;  and  Mr. 
Buchanan's  speech  was  all  throwed  away,  too.  I'm  very  sure 
we  shall  get  some,  of  the  States,  but  I'll  be  hanged  if  I  can  tell 
which  ones.  There  an't  a  single  State  that  I  should  dare  to 
bet  upon  alone,  but  taking  'em  all  in  the  lump,  I  should  still 
stick  out  strong  for  half  a  dozen  at  least.     I  see  where  all  the 


WRITING    BY    TELEGRAPH. 


difiQculty  is,  as  plain  as  day.  You  may  depend  upon  it,  we 
should  elect  Gineral  Cass  easy  enough  if  it  wasn't  for  Gineral 
Taylor  ;  but  he  stands  peskily  in  the  way,  jes^t  as  much  as  he 
stood  in  the  way  of  the  Mexicans  at  Bony  Vista.  As  for  Mr. 
Van  Burcn,  if  he  stood  agin  us  alone,  we  should  tread  him  all 
to  atoms  ;  he   couldn't   make  no  headway  at  all,  especially 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  311 

after  we  got  the  nomination  at  Baltimore.  Jest  between  3'ou 
and  me,  I  don't  think  much  of  Mr.  Van  Buren  now.  I  don't 
believe  he  ever  was  a  Democrat.  I  think  he  only  made  be- 
lieve all  the  time  ;  and  Pd  bet  two  to  one  he's  only  making  be- 
lieve noiv.  I  wish  the  Old  Gineral,  dear  Old  Hickory,  that's 
dead  and  gone,  could  be  here  now  to  have  the  handling  of 
him  for  a  little  while  ;  if  he  didn't  bring  him  into  the  traces  I 
wouldn't  guess  agin. 

But,  as  I  said  afore,  Gineral  Taylor  is  peskily  in  the  way 
all  over  the  country.  First,  I  thought  I  would  figure  round 
in  some  of  the  strong  Whig  districts  ;  for,  thinks  I,  if  I  can 
make  our  friends  show  a  bold  front  for  Cass  there,  it  will  be 
such  a  wet  blanket  for  the  Whigs  that  they'll  give  it  up. 
Well,  I  called  a  public  meeting,  without  distinction  of  party  ; 
and  I  put  it  to  'em  strong  for  Cass,  and  the  Constitution,  and 
Californy  forever.  They  all  listened,  and  every  little  while 
they  hurra'd  and  clapped  ;  and  thinks  I,  the  tide  is  turning — 
I'm  going  to  carry  this  place  all  hollar,  Whigs  and  all.  But 
when  I  got  through,  an  old  rusty-faced  farmer,  away  back  in 
one  corner,  got  up  and  looked  round,  and  says  he,  "  Three 
cheers  for  Zachary  Taylor."  Thunder  and  cannon  !  if  there 
wasn't  a  roar,  set  me  down  for  a  liar.  Why,  Colonel,  I  han't 
heard  nothin'  like  it  since  the  storming  of  Chepultapec.  It 
took  me  right  off  my  feet.  I  see  at  once  the  battle  was  all 
agin  us  there,  and  thought  I  better  make  my  escape  under  the 
smoke  of  it  as  fast  as  possible.  At  first  I  felt  rather  bad 
about  it.  And  then,  agin,  I  thought  I  ought  to  have  expected 
it,  for  I  knew  the  Whigs  had  voted  that  Gineral  Taylor  was  a 
Whig,  and  had  made  up  their  minds  to  go  for  him.  So  I 
I  streaked  it  off  for  a  strong  Democratic  district  ;  for  I  found 
our  main  dependence  must  be  among  our  own  friends.  Here 
I  called  a  mass-meeting,  without  distinction  of  party,  for  I 
was  sure  we   should  get  up  such  a  roar  for  Cass  that  the 


312  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

Whigs  would  be  dumbfounded,  and  be  pretty  likely  to  fall  in 
with  us.  Well,  how  do  you  think  it  worked  ?  I  made  a 
roarin'  speech  for  Cass  ;  told  'em  what  a  great  statesman  and 
great  warrior  he  was  ;  and  how  he  had  proved  the  former  by 
offering  to  swallow  all  Mexico,  and  how  he  had  proved  the 
latter  by  breakin'  his  sword  in  a  passion  ;  and  more  than  all 
that,  since  the  nomination  at  Baltimore,  he  was  the  greatest 
Democrat  in  the  country.  "  And  now,"  says  I,  "  my  friends, 
three  cheers  for  Cass,  the  Constitution  and  Californy."  Well, 
they  gin  three  good,  loud  cheers,  and  I  thought  that  nail  was 
well  drove  and  clinched.  Then  a  blacksmith,  with  a  smutty 
nose  and  a  leather  apron  on,  gets  up  and  sings  out,  "  Nine 
cheers  for  old  Rough  and  Ready  !"  And,  by  jingo,  it  went 
like  a  hurricane  ;  full  twice  as  loud,  and  three  times  as  many, 
as  the  cheers  for  Cass.  I  had  a  good  mind  to  cut  and  run,  and 
give  it  all  up.  But  at  last  I  plucked  up  courage  and  faced 
the  storm.  I  called  out  to  the  blacksmith,  and  says  I,  "  My 
friend,  when  we  called  this  meeting,  without  distinction  of 
party,  it  was  all  meant  for  Gineral  Cass,  the  Democratic  can- 
didate, and  it's  very  unhandsome  for  a  Whig  to  come  here  and 
interrupt  us  in  this  way." 

"  You  take  me  for  a  Whig,  do  you  ?"  says  he. 

"  To  be  sure  I  do,"  says  I  ;  "  you  are  no  Democrat  to  act  in 
this  way." 

At  that  he  reddened  up  so  the  smut  on  his  face  turned  black- 
er than  it  was  before,  and,  says  he,  "  I'd  have  you  know,  Sir, 
I'm  as  good  a  Democrat  as  you  are.  My  father  and  mother 
was  Democrats  before  me.  I  was  born  and  bred  a  Democrat  ; 
and  I  mean  to  live  and  die  a  Democrat,  but  I  go  for  Old  Rough 
and  Ready,  let  who  will  go  agin  him."  Then  he  called  out 
agin  for  nine  cheers  for  Old  Rough  and  Ready  ;  and  the  way 
they  roared  'em  out  was  a  caution.  I  see  it  was  no  use  in  talk- 
ing about  Whigs  and  Democrats — I  must  try  some  otlicr  hook. 


OUT    or    THE    SEXATK.  313 

So  I  cruised  round  on  the  Free  Soil  territory,  and  got  up 
meetings,  and  preached  up  the  Wilmot  Proviso  hot  and  heavy, 
and  told  'em  Gineral  Cass  would  go  for  it  with  all  his  might 
to  tlie  day  of  his  death.  Then  I  thought  I  would  get  'em 
on  the  hip  in  a  way  they  couldn't  help  giving  me  a  rousing 
hurra,  so  I  called  out,  "Three  cheers  for  Free  Soil  and  Gineral 
Cass  !"  Well,  the  three  cheers  come  as  quick  and  as  true  as 
Paddy's  echo,  for  it  was  "  three  cheers  for  Free  Soil  and  Gin- 
eral Taylor  ? " 

I  begun  to  think  the  only  chance  was  for  us  to  try  to  carry 
the  South.     So  I  wheeled  about,  and  turned  about,  and  jump'd 
Jim  Crow,  in  the  slave    States.     I  told   'em   they  must   stir 
round   and  elect  Gineral  Cass  or  the  whole   slavery  business 
would  be  upset  ;  but  if  they  would  only  elect  him  they  might 
feel  safe,  for  they  had  his  letters  to  show  that  he  was  in  favor 
of  upholding   slavery  all   weathers,  and  of   carrying  it   into 
every  territory  we  could  lay  our  hands  on.  They  all  answered 
me  very  cooly,  that  they  had  much  rather  trust  a  straightfor- 
ward Southern  man,  that  they  knew  had  no  tricks  about  him, 
than  to  trust  a  Northern  man  with  Southern  principles  ;  and 
they  reckoned,  on  the  whole,  they  should  go  for  Gineral  Tay- 
lor.    As  a  last  chance,  I  thought  I  would  try  to  rouse  'em  up 
in  old  Pennsylvany.     So  I  went  to  'em  and  told  'em  their  coal 
and  iron  was  in  danger,  and  the  only  way  for  'em  to  save  it 
was  to  elect  Gineral  Cass,  who  would  protect  it  to  the  bat's 
end,  for  he  was  as  good  a  tariff  man  as  Henry  Clay.     At  that, 
every  one  of  'em — Quakers   and  Germans,  and  Dutchmen,  and 
all — put  their  finger    agin  the    side  of  their  nose,  and  said, 
*'  Friend,  we  tried  a  tariff  man  last  time,  but  we  didn't  save 
our  coal  and  iron  by  it  ;  so  we  have  made  up  our   minds  to 
try  an  honest  manihis  time — we  are  going  for  Zachary  Taylor." 
By  this  time  I  was  convinced  the  game  was  up,  and  it  was 
no  use  to  stump  it  any  longer.     We've  got  into  the   current 


314 


MY   THIRTY    YEARS 


where  we  can't  help  ourselves,  and  are  going  down  over  the 
falls  of  Niagara  as  fast  as  we  can  go  ;  and  I  hope  you  and  all 
the  rest  of  our  party  will  be  as  calm  and  composed,  and  con- 
siderate, as  the  Indian  was  that  went  down  over  theai  awful 
falls  a  great  many  years  ago.  He  tugged  and  pulled  his 
canoe  against  the  current  with  all  his  might  till  he  found  there 


^\0  ^-''^^  I,, 


THE  LAST  SUP  AT  TREASURY  PAP. 


was  no  chance  left,  and  then  he  laid  down  his  paddle,  and 
took  up  his  bottle  of  rum,  and  sot  down  quietly  in  the  bottom 
of  the  canoe,  and  tipped  the  bottle  up  to  his  mouth,  and  sot 
and  drinked,  and  took  the  good  of  it,  till  he  pitched  head  over 
heels  down  the  falls,  and  went  out  of  sight  forever. 


OUT    OF    THE     SENATE.  315 

Now,  my  last  advice  to  you,  dear  Colonel,  and  to  all  our 
friends,  and  especially  to  dear  old  Mr.  Ritchie,  is,  to  set  down 
quiet  and  composed  in  the  bottom  of  the  boat,  and  eat  away  at 
the  public  crib,  and  drink  away  at  the  bottle  of  the  sub- 
treasury  till  the  4th  of  March,  when  we  shall  all  pitch  over 
the  falls  together,  drinking  our  last  guggle. 
I  remain  your  dear  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LXII. 

A  VERY  PRIVATE  LETTER  FROM  MAJOR    DOWNING  TO    PRESIDENT  POLK. 

Head  of  Salt  River,*  Dec.  18,  1848. 

Dear  Colonel  : — It  all  come  out  jest  exactly  as  I  told  you 
'twould  in  my  last  dispatch,  a  few  days  before  the  'lection. 
The  arthquakes  and  harrycanes  was  awful.  Some  of  our 
friends  was  throwed  up  sky  high,  and  haint  been  seen  nor 
heard  of  since  ;  some  was  swallowed  up  in  the  ground  and 
buried  alive  ;  and  all  of  us  was  ship-wrecked  and  splashed 
overboard,  and  left  to  the  marcy  of  the  wind  and  the  tide.  I 
was  lucky  enough  to  get  a-straddle  of  a  plank,  and  made  out 
to  keep  my  head  above  water.  I  drifted  about  awhile,  kind 
of  confused  like,  and  couldn't  hardly  tell  whether  I  was  on  the 
ocean,  or  on  a  lake,  or  where  I  was. 


*  Editorial  Note. — On  the  election  of  General  Taylor  to  the  Presidency, 
November,  1848,  the  Whigs,  who  had  been  sojourning  for  four  years  in  Salt 
River  Territory,  came  down  the  river  in  full  force  and  high  spirits,  while 
the  Democrats  moved  quietly  up  and  took  possession,  and  went  to  work  and 
tried  to  organize  the  Territory,  in  order  to  get  it  admitted  as  a  State,  Major 
Downing,  in  this  letter,  describes  Salt  River  and  the  philosophy  of  its  naviga- 
tion more  accurately  and  satisfactorily  than  has  ever  been  done  by  any  other 
author. 


316  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

At  last  I  floated  along  into  a  river,  and  then  I  concluded, 
of  course,  I  was  bound  down  Niagara,  and  should  have  to 
plunge  head  and  ears  over  the  big  falls.  I  seemed  to  be 
floating  along  down  the  middle  of  the  river,  and  away  ofi" 
before  me  and  away  behind  me  I  could  see  a  good  many  others 
going  the  same  way  ;  and,  away  in  close  to  the  shore,  on 
both  sides  of  the  river,  there  seemed  to  be  a  good  many  going 
the  other  way — that  is,  as  I  thought,  going  up  stream.  I  was 
kept  along  in  this  way  till  I  come  to  a  narrow  place  in  the 
river,  which  I  learnt  afterward  was  called  the  half-way  nar- 
rows. Here  the  current  grew  more  rapid,  and  I  floated  along 
very  fast  ;  but  I  was  so  near  the  shore  I  could  see  folks  on 
both  sides,  and  hear  'em  speak. 

Presently  I  met  a  man  on  one  side  of  the  river,  footing  it 

along  the  shore,  and  towing  a  one-masted  boat  after  him,  as 

I  thought,  up  Stream.     At  first,  by  his  stooping  walk  and  bald 

head,  I  thought  he  was  too  old  a  man  to  be  doing  such  hard 

kind  of  work  ;  but  when  he  come  nearer,  I  see  he  had  flaxy 

hair,  and  a  young  and  almost  boyish  looking  face.     He  went 

straight  ahead,  with   a   line  over  his   shoulder,  drawing  the 

boat  after  him,  and  singing  a  merry   kind  of  a  song,  which  I 

couldn't  make  out,  only  one  varse  of  it,  which  seemed  to  be 

this  :  - 

"  Life  is  real,  life  is  earnest ; 

Things  are  jest  what  they  do  seem  ; 
Down  Salt  River  thou  returnest, 
Oh,  my  Tribune,  'tis  no  dream." 

When  I  saw  who  it  was  I  was  amazingly  puzzled.  I'd 
heard  a  good  many  songs  that  had  more  truth  than  poetry  in 
'em,  but  this  one  seemed  to  have  more  poetr}^  than  truth. 
Any  how,  if  this  was  really  Salt  River,  that  we  had  heard 
so  much  tell  of,  I  couldn't  seem  to  make  out  how  I  sliould  be 
sailing  down  stream  so  fast,  and  the  Tribune-man  be  tugging 


{sni 


318  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

up  stream  so  hard.  This  didn't  agree  with  tlie  election  re- 
turns at  all.  Something  has  got  twisted  round  ;  things  is  not 
jest  what  they  seem.  While  I  was  bothering  my  head  about 
it,  I  looked  over  on  t'other  side  of  the  river,  and  there  was 
another  man  with  a  line  over  his  shoulder,  towing  a  larger 
and  heavier  boat  up  stream,  as  I  thought.  lie  was  a  tall, 
officer-looking  man,  with  large  whiskers;  and  stood  up  straight, 
and  walked  strong,  as  though  he  didn't  care  for  nobody.  He, 
too,  seemed  to  be  singing  a  very  merry  song.  All  I  could 
hear  of  it  was  just  this  varse  : 

"  Old  Uncle  Sam  was  a  jolly  old  soul, 
And  a  jolly  old  soul  was  he  ; 
He  called  for  his  pipe,  and  he  called  for  his  bowl, 
And  he  called  for  Taylor  and  me.'' 

As  he  passed  by  me  I  see  the  name  on  the  starn  of  the 
boat  was  New  York  Courier  and  Enquirer.  I  was  in  a  great 
puzzlement;  these  Whig  chaps  was  all  so  merry;  and  yet, 
if  this  was  really  Salt  River,  it  seemed  to  me  they  was  going 
the  wrong  way,  according  to  the  'lection,  and  I  couldn't  tell 
what  to  make  of  it.  As  I  was  near  enough  to  hail  the  Courier 
man,  I  thought  I  would  call  to  him  and  see  if  I  could  get  any 
light  on  the  subject.     So  says  I — 

"Hullo,  Colonel  !" 

He  stopped  and  turned  round,  and  answered,  "  Hullo  " 

Says  I,  "  I  ask  your  pardon.  Colonel,  but  I'm  a  stranger  in 
these  parts,  and  a  stranger  to  you,  but  I  know  you  by  j^our 
boat.  Will  you  be  so  kind  as  to  tell  me  where  I'm  bound 
to  ?     For  I'm  kind  of  lost." 

"  Oh,"  certainly,"  says  he,  "  w^ith  the  greatest  pleasure,  my 
dear  sir.  You  are  bound  straight  up  to  the  head  of  Salt 
River  ;  you  can't  miss  your  way,  for  there  isn't  a  single  path 
that  turns  out  between  here  and  there." 

"  Well,  now,"  says  I,   "  Colonel,  you  o-?  I  must  be  under 


OUT   OK    THE    SENATE.  319 

some  strang-e  mistake.  Don't  you  see  I'm  floating  down  on 
the  current  ?  Ain't  the  river  running  down  this  way,  and 
carrying  me  aloi%  with  it  ?" 

At  that  he  laughed  outright,  and  says  he,  "  I  see  you  are 
nothing  but  a  fresh-water  sailor,  and  don't  know  anything 
about  the  navigation  of  Salt  Kiver.'^ 

"  Well,  how  should  I,"  says  I  ;  "  for  I  never  was  in  these 
waters  before  ?  '^ 

*'  Well,"  says  he,  "  Salt  River  runs  up  stream  ;  jest  bear  that 
in  your  mind,  and  you'll  find  it  all  plain  sailing." 

"But  that  can't  be  possible,"  says  I  ;  "you,  nor  I,  nor  no- 
body else,  ever  knew  a  river  to  run  up  stream." 

"  You  may  depend  upon  it,"  says  he,  "  Salt  River  runs  up 
stream  ;  and  I  suppose  that  is  the  only  river  in  America  that 
does  run  up  stream." 

By  this  time  I  had  floated  so  far  by  that  I  couldn't  hear  any- 
thing more  he  said  But  it  wasn't  long  before  I  was  satisfied 
the  Colonel  was  right  ;  for,  as  the  current  carried  me  along 
back  into  the  country,  the  land  kept  growing  higher  and 
higher,  and  at  last  I  found  myself  quite  up  among  the  moun- 
tains ;  and,  when  I  come  to  the  head  of  the  river,  the  current 
run  my  plank  right  plump  ashore. 

I  found  a  good  many  of  our  friends  already  here  before  me, 
and  I  understand  a  great  many  more  are  on  the  way.  Our 
annexin'  friend,  Gineral  Cass,  hasn't  got  here  yet ;  but  he's 
expected  now  every  day.  This  is  a  pretty  good  sort  of  a 
country  up  here,  after  all,  and  has  a  good  many  advantages. 
But  I  haven't  time  to  give  you  much  account  of  it  to-day  ;  Til 
try  to  describe  it  more  another  time.  I've  spent  considerable 
time  examining  and  exploring  this  curious  river,  and  I  think 
I've  learnt  more  about  it  than  anybody  that's  been  up  here 
afore.  It's  different  from  all  the  other  rivers  that  I  ever  see. 
It  has  no   springs  or  streams  running  into  it  to  feed  it,  but 


320  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

feeds  itself  from  its  own  waters.  All  the  center  of  the  river 
is  a  strong  current,  running  up  stream  till  it  gets  to  the  head 
of  the  river  ;  and  then  it  divides  and  turns  «ff"  each  way,  and 
works  along  down  in  eddies  and  currents  by  each  bank  of 
the  river  till  it  gets  to  the  mouth  ;  and  then  it  turns  round  reg- 
ular into  the  center  current  agin,  and  up  it  comes. 

This  shows  the  reason  why  anybody  that  happens  to  get 
into  the  current  of  Salt  River  has  to  go  clear  to  the  head  of  it 
before  be  can  stop.  It  shows  the  reason,  too,  why  anybody 
that  sets  out  to  go  down  with  a  boat,  or  a  raft,  or  anything, 
has  to  lead  it  along  the  shore  by  a  line  ;  for,  if  it  happens  to 
get  out  a  little  too  far  from  shore,  and  get  ketched  in  the  cen- 
ter current,  it's  gone  goose  with  it  ;  it  has  to  go  clear  back  to 
the  head  of  the  river,  and  take  another  start.  This,  of  course, 
makes  the  navigation  of  Salt  River,  on  the  passage  out,  very 
hard  and  diflScult. 

Now,  I'll  tell  you  what  I  advise  you  by  all  means  to  do. 
You  know  Congress  is  in  a  great  taking  to  pass  a  bill  for  the 
improvement  of  the  navigation  of  lakes  and  rivers,  and  they 
are  afraid  they  can't  do  it  this  session  because  you'll  put  j^our 
veto  on  it.  Now,  you  jest  strike  a  bargain  with  'em  ;  if  they'll 
put  in  a  million  of  dollars  into  the  bill  to  improve  the  naviga- 
tion of  Salt  River,  and  let  Gineral  Cass  have  the  laying  of  it 
out,  you'll  sign  the  bill.  If  we  could  get  that  bill  through,  it 
would  be  of  immense  importance  to  us  and  our  friends  for  a 
good  many  years  to  come. 

We  can't,  of  course,  look  for  you  up  here  till  after  the  4th 
of  March  ;  but  I  shall  be  getting  everything  ready  for  you  as 
fast  as  I  can.  I've  got  a  notion  in  my  head,  however,  that 
you  might  hold  on  there  at  Washington  some  years  longer 
yet ;  and  be  in  a  situation  to  do  our  friends  more  good,  may 
be,  than  you  could  up  here.  I  see  they  are  looking  round  all 
over  the  country  for  men  to  make  up  a  Cabinet  for  Gineral  Tay- 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  321 

lor  ;  and  they  seem  to  be  going  upon  the  rule  that  them  that 
did  the  most  toward  electing  him  must  have  the  first  chance 
in  the  Cabinet.  Now,  going  upon  that  rule,  the  first  chance 
belongs  to  yon,  of  course  ;  for  there  isn't  no  other  man  in  the 
country  that  did  a  quarter  so  much  toward  electing  him  as 
you  did.  In  fact,  if  it  hadn't  been  for  you  he  never  would  a 
been  elected  at  all  ;  and  if  he  doesn't  give  you  the  first  place 
in  his  Cabinet,  if  you'll  take  it,  he'll  be  the  ungratefulest  man 
that  ever  lived  I  think  it  would  be  best,  all  things  consid- 
ered, for  you  to  take  a  place  at  the  head  of  the  Cabinet. 

As  for  dear  old  Mr.  Ritchie,  as  the  weather  is  warm  and 
pleasant,  and  comfortable  for  making  the  voyage,  why  not 
start  him  right  along  ?  He'll  find  nothing  to  trouble  him,  for 
I've  been  all  round  here,  and  there  isn't  no  bears,  nor  wolves, 
nor  Federalists,  nor  anything  of  that  sort.  I  don't  think  I 
ever  see  a  country  clearer  of  Federalists  in  my  life  ;  and 
every  man  I've  talked  with  here  is  in  favor  of  the  resolutions 

of '98. 

I  remain  your  friend  and  pioneer, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LXIII. 

MAJOR  DOWNING  ADVISES    MR.    RITCHIE   TO    KEEP    COOL,  AND    NOT    FIGHT 
so  HARD  AGAINST  THE  WHIG  ADMINISTRATION. 

Mason  and  Dixon's  Side  of  Salt  River,  Aug.  11,  1849. 

My  Dear  Mr.  Ritchie  : — You  don't  know  how  glad  I  be  to 
see  how  you  have  spunked  up  since  my  last  letter  to  you. 
You  are  raly  giving  it  to  the  '*  corrupt  and  imbecile  Adminis- 
tration "  pell-mell.  I  should  think  every  "  dolt, "  and  every 
"  butcher,"  and  every  "  Nero  "  among  'em  must  have  a  bung'd 

eye  by  this  time.     You  do  give  it  to  'em,  right  and  left,  about 
14 


322 


MY    TIimrY    YEARS 


right.     Uncle  Joshua  sa3's  3^ou  are  the  Tom  Hyer  of  our  part}'', 
and  can  whip  anybody  the  Feds  can  bring  into  the  ring.     But 
now  I  begin  to  feel  uneasy  for  fear  you'll  overdo  yourself,  and 
break  down,  and  then  we  shan't  have  nobody  to  take  care  of 
us.     Don't  you  remember  the   story  of  the  tame  elephant  that 
was  used  to  help  launch  vessels  ?     One  time  they  put  him  to 
launch  a  vessel  that  was  too  heavy  for  him.     After  he  tried 
once   or  twice,  and  couldn't  start  it,  the  keeper  called   out, 
"  Take  away  this  lazy  beast,  and  bring  another."     At  that  the 
poor  elephant  roused  up,  and  put  his  head  to  the  vessel  again, 
and  pushed  and  strained  himself  so  hard  that  he  fell  down  and 
died.     Now,  I  don't  want  you  to  do   so.     When  I  writ  that 
letter  to  you,  two  or  three  weeks  ago,  to  rouse  you  up  a  little, 
I  didn't  mean  to  make  you  so  furious  that  you  should  run  jowv 
head  agin  the  Administration  so  hard  as  to  break  your  neck, 
or  strain  yourself  so  much  as  to  fall  down  dead.     Nor  I  didn't 
mean  that  you  should  kill  off  all  the  Administration,  smack 
smooth,  as  dead  as  herrings,  in  two  months.     I  meant  to  give 
you  two   or  three  years  to  do  it   in.     Any  time    before  the 
next  election  would  do.     If  you  should  kill  'em  all  right  off, 
before  we  have  time  to  choose  anybody  to  take  their  places, 
you  would  have  all  the  Government  on  your  own  shoulders  ; 
and  I'm  afraid  it  would  be  too  much  for  you.     So  I  think  you 
had  better  try  to  cool  down  a  little  ;  it  an't  prudence  to  keep 
so  hot  all  the  time.     That  is,  I  mean  on  your  own  account,  for 
fear  you  should  overdo  yourself  and  break  down.     And  then, 
again,  there  is  such  a  thing  as  drawing  too  long  a  bow  to  hit 
the  thing  you  shoot  at.     Major  Longbow  used  to  be  quite  un- 
lucky in  that  way.     You  can  make  folks   believe  a  middlin' 
sized  fish  story,  if  you  tell  it  well  ;  but  if  you  try  to  back  it 
up  with  a  tarnel   great  cock-and-bull  story,  they'll  go  right 
back  again  and  swear  they  don't  believe  the  fish-story.     It's 
dangerous  loadin'  guns  too  heavy  ;  for  then  there's  no  know- 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  323 

ing  which  will  get  the  worst  of  it — him  that  stands  before 
the  muzzle,  or  him  that  stands  behind  the  britch.  So  I  hope 
you  will  try  to  cool  down  a  little  ;  for  I'm  satisfied,  since  my 
last  letter,  you  are  firing  away  your  ammunition  too  fast. 
And,  besides,  I  don't  think  it's  right  for  you,  at  your  time 
of  life,  to  be  fightin'  so  hard.  Nor  I  don't  think  its  neces- 
sary nuther  ;  for  things  is  brightenin'  up  all  over  the  coun- 
try. Our  party  is  all  coming  together  again,  and  is  going 
to  carry  all  afore  'em.  It's  true  the  flocks  and  herds  of 
our  party  has  been  dreadfully  broke  up  and  scattered  about. 
The  oxens  didn't  know  their  owners,  and  the  sheeps  hadn't  no 
shepherds,  and  the  Taylor  wolves  has  been  prowlin'  about  the 
country,  and  carried  off  a  great  many  of  'em.  But,  from  what 
I  hear  all  over  the  country  now,  I  am  satisfied  they  are  all 
comin'  together  again,  and  on  a  new  platform  ;  and  that  plat- 
form is,  Mason  and  Dixon's  side  of  Salt  River.  Mr.  John  Van 
Buren  is  shoo-shooin'  all  over  the  Northern  States,  and  drivin' 
of  'em  and  headin'  of  'em  all  as  fast  as  he  can  toward  Mason 
and  Dixon's  side  of  Salt  River.  Mr.  Calhoun,  in  the  Southern 
States,  is  whistlin'  round  his  springy  rattan,  making  the  hair 
and  skin  fly,  and  headin'  'em  all  up  toward  Mason  and  Dix- 
on's side  of  Salt  River.  And  Colonel  Benton  is  cracking  his 
long  whip  all  over  the  great  Western  country,  and  headin' 
'em  all  across  the  prayries  toward  Mason  and  Dixon's  side  of 
Salt  River.  And  Gineral  Cass  stands,  you  know,  where  he 
always  stood,  on  Mason  and  Dixon's  side  of  Salt  River,  with  a 
handful  of  salt  in  one  hand  and  a  nub  of  corn  in  t'other,  and 
lookin'  all  round,  and  calling  of  'em  to  come  to  him  and  he'll 
feed  'em.  So,  you  see,  it  won't  be  long  before  all  the  scat- 
tered flocks  and  herds  of  our  party  will  be  got  together  again. 

So  I  remain  your  faithful  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


324  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 


LETTER  LXIV. 

SHOWING  THE  FOLLY  OF  THE  UNPROFITABLE  QUARRELS  OF  UNCLE  SAll's 
SONS,  AND  THE  EFFECT  OF  A  HIGH  FENCE  ON  MASON  AND  DIXON's 
LINE. 

Mason  and  Dixon's  Side  of  Salt  River,  Oct.  25,  1849. 

My  Dear  Mr.  RiTCHtE  : — To-morrow  Uncle  Joshua,  our  dele- 
gate to  Congress  from  Salt  River  Territory,  starts  for  Wash- 
ington. As  I  haint  writ  to  you  for  some  time,  I  thought  I 
would  send  a  few  lines  by  him  to  let  you  know  how- matters 
are  getting  along  up  here.  We  are  talking  pretty  sharp  about 
forming  a  State  Government,  and  some  are  for  doing  it  right 
off,  and  sending  Senators  and  Representatives  to  this  Con- 
gress. But  the  majority  was  in  favor  of  only  sending  a  dele- 
gate now,  and  waiting  to  see  what  Congress  will  do  with  the 
other  Territories  that  are  sprouting  up  round  ;  for,  as  things 
now  look,  we  couldn't  seem  to  tell  whether  a  State  on  Mason 
and  Dixon's  side  of  the  river  would  be  allowed  to  come  in.  So 
we  called  a  meeting  to  choose  a  delegate,  and  to  fix  up  the 
instructions  for  him  to  follow  when  he  gets  there. 

After  the  meeting  come  to  order,  and  Colonel  Jones  was  ap- 
pointed cheerman,  Uncle  Joshua  got  up  and  said  the  common 
practice  of  choosing  a  representative  or  delegate  first,  and 
then  tying  his  hands  afterward  with  instructions,  he  didn't 
think  was  hardly  a  fair  shake.  He  thought  the  instructions 
ought  to  be  agreed  upon  first  ;  then  if  the  representative  had 
a  mind  to  tie  his  own  hands  he  couldn't  blame  nobody  else  for 
it.  The  meeting  seemed  to  take  the  idea  at  once,  and  agreed 
to  go  right  to  work  upon  the  instructions  first. 

The  cheerman  said  :  "  It  was  evident  from  the  newspapers, 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  325 

and  the  way  things  looked  at  Washington,  and  all  over  the 
country,  that  this  was  agoing  to  be  a  hot  Congress.  There 
was  trouble  a  brewin'  about  the  Wilmot  Proviso,  and  about 
admitting  California  as  a  State  ;  and  then  that  monster,  nul- 
lification, that  everybody  thought  that  Gineral  Jackson  had 
killed,  years  and  years  ago,  wasn't  by  no  means  dead  yet.  He 
seemed  to  be  more  alive  than  ever,  and  showed  ten  times  as 
many  heads  now  as  he  did  in  Old  Hickory's  time.  He  was  a 
hard  animal  to  handle  then,  as  my  worthy  friend  there  on  my 
right  can  testify,  for  he  had  a  hand  in  it.  ('Here  the  cheer- 
man  pointed  to  me,  and  made  everybody  look  at  me). 

"  I  say,"  says  he,  "if  Old  Hickory  and  Major  Downing  had 
their  hands  full  to  master  nullification,  when  he  was  only  a 
young  critter,  and  hadn't  but  one  head,  the  country  may  well 
tremble  and  ask  what  is  to  be  done  with  him  now  that  he  has 
growed  up  so  large  and  tuff",  and  shows  so  many  heads." 

At  that  Bill  Johnson  jumped  up,  as  quick  as  a  flash,  and  says 
he,  "  HI  tell  you  what,  Mr.  Cheerman,  jest  send  old  Rough  and 
Ready  arter  him,  and  I'll  resk  him  if  he  had  twenty  xieads.  If 
he  wouldn't  scatter  and  run  as  fast  as  Santa  Anna  did  at  Bony 
Vista,  I'll  pay  the  toddy." 

"  Well,"  said  the  cheerman,  "  that  an't  the  question  before 
the  meeting.  The  question  is,  what  instructions  shall  we 
give  our  delegate  about  the  Wilmot  Proviso,  and  the  State  of 
California,  and  nullification,  and  such  like  troublesome  con- 
sarns.  Gentlemen  will  please  to  speak  their  minds  on  the 
subject." 

When  Colonel  Jones  set  down,  the  whole  meeting  turned 
and  looked  toward  Uncle  Joshua  ;  for  they  think  he  knows 
more  about  these  matters  than  anybody  else  in  the  Territory  ; 
and,  besides,  he's  a  considerable  speaker  when  you  once  get 
him  started.  They  kept  looking  and  nodding  to  him,  and  at 
last  Uncle  Joshua  got  up. 


326  MY    THIRTY   YEARS 

"  Mr.  Cheerman,"  says  Uncle  Joshua,  says  he,  "  If  you  know 
jest  how  things  work  in  one  case,  you  can  pretty  commonly 
tell  pretty  near  how  them  same  things  will  work  in  another 
case  ;  for  I've  always  obsarved  in  my  lifetime,  that  when 
things  worked  jest  so  in  one  case,  them  same  things  would 
most  always  work  jest  so  in  another  case.  Now,  when  I  was 
a  boy  I  knew  a  case  a  good  deal  like  this  'ere  case  you've 
been  speakin'  about.  And  if  I  should  tell  you  and  this  meet- 
ing how  things  worked  out  in  that  case,  may  be  you  could 
judge  better  how  things  will  work  in  this  'ere  case,  and  then 
you  can  instruct  your  delegate  accordingly.  The  case,  Mr. 
Cheerman,  was  this  : 

"  Old  Mr.  Sam  West,  a  very  clever,  respectable  old  gentle- 
man— everybody  used  to  call  him  Uncle  Sam — he  was  a  very 
stirrin',  thrivin'  man,  and  a  good  farmer  ;  he  owned  a  very 
large  farm,  and  picked  up  a  good  deal  of  property.  His  oldest 
son,  Jonathan,  lived  on  the  northern  half  of  the  farm  ;  and  his 
other  son,  John,  lived  on  the  southern  half  ;  and  they  both  of 
'em  had  large  families  growing  up  around  'em  before  the  old 
gentleman  died.  One  day,  sometime  before  he  died,  he  spoke 
to  his  two  sons,  and  said  :  'Boys,  I  can't  be  with  you  much 
longer.  I  shall  leave  the  farm  and  all  the  property  to  you  and 
your  children.  The  farm  is  under  a  good  way  now,  and  there's 
a  plenty  of  land  for  you  and  your  children,  and  your  grand- 
children, and  great-grandchildren  ;  and  I  charge  you  to  always 
keep  the  families  together  on  the  farm,  and  live  in  peace,  and 
help  each  other  along.  There's  no  knowing  what  sort  of 
neighbors  you  may  get  round  you  ;  therefore,  cling  together 
and  take  care  of  each  other.'  The  sons  promised  that  they 
would  mind  him,  and  wrote  it  down  in  a  book,  and  showed  it 
to  the  old  gentleman,  who  said  he  was  satisfied,  and  could  die 
in  peace. 

"Well,  after  the    old    gentleman  was  dead   and   gone,  the 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  32T 

sons  continued  to  thrive,  and  prosper,  and  grow  ricli.  Their 
large  families  had  enough  to  eat,  drink  and  wear,  and  a  plen- 
ty of  fat  turkeys  for  Thanksgivin'  and  Christmas  dinners,  and 
everything  they  wanted.  The  two  brothers  carried  on  the 
farm,  as  brothers  should  do,  in  peace  and  harmony,  and  helped 
each  other  along.  What  one  didn't  raise,  t'other  did,  and  be- 
tween 'em  they  always  had  enough  of  everything.  There  ^vas 
only  one  thing  that  they  ever  had  any  jarring  about,  and  that 
was  thistles.  John's  half  of  the  farm  was  covered  all  over  with 
thistles.  And  from  some  cause  or  other,  John  had  a  strange 
fancy  for  thistles,  and  would  never  allow  'em  to  be  dug  up  or 
rooted  out  of  his  half  of  tlie  farm.  But  Jonathan  hated  the 
very  idea  of  a  thistle  ;  he  couldn't  bear  'em  no  how.  There 
used  to  be  some  on  his  part  of  the  farm  when  it  was  new,  but 
he  kept  mowing  of  'em  down,  and  diggin'  of  'em  up,  and 
rootin'  of  'em  out,  till  there  wasn't  one  left.  Jonathan  used  to 
talk  to  John,  and  try  to  get  him  to  do  the  same.  He  told  him 
it  was  a  disgrace  to  a  farm  to  have  thistles  on  it.  But  John 
declared  they  was  the  glory  of  a  farm,  and  no  farm  could  be 
perfect  without  thistles.  Jonathan  said  that  besides  scratch- 
ing and  hurting  everybody  that  come  near  'em,  they  would  run 
the  land  all  out,  so  that  it  wouldn't  produce  nothing  ;  and  if 
John  kept  all  them  thistles  on  his  farm,  he  would  die  a  poor 
man  at  last.  John  said  he  wasn't  afraid  of  that  ;  his  land 
was  rich  enough  to  produce  all  he  wanted  with  the  thistles  on 
it ;  and  he  was  sure  they  gave  a  higher  character  and  dignity 
to  his  family,  for  they  was  a  sign  to  everybody  that  passed 
along  the  road  that  the  family  lived  on  a  good  rich  farm,  that 
supported  'em  without  their  having  to  work  for  it.  Things  went 
along  in  this  way  for  some  time.  John's  children  all  grew  up 
to  be  very  fond  of  thistles,  and  Jonathan's  all  hated  thistles  ; 
and  if  the  cousins  ever  had  any  sparring  or  quarreling,  it  was 
most  always  about  thistles. 


328  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

"  At  last  a  squabble  broke  out  betweeu  some  of  John's 
family  and  the  family  of  the  Silverbuckles.  The  Silverbuckle 
family  lived  on  a  very  large,  rich  old  farm,  lying  south-west 
of  John's.  But  as  the  land  where  they  jined  hadn't  been 
cleared  up,  and  the  line  hadn't  been  fairly  ran  out,  and  no 
marks  set  up,  the  boys  on  each  side  got  into  a  dispute  about 
the  line.  The  Silverbuckles  said  the  Sams  were  getting  on  to 
their  land.  (They  called  'em  all  Sams,  because  they  were  the 
descendents  of  old  Uncle  Sam.)  So  a  whole  gang  of  the 
Silverbuckles  went  down  and  ordered  the  Sams  off,  and  told 
'em  to  keep  on  their  own  land.  The  Sams  said  they  was  on 
their  own  land,  and  they  wouldn't  stir  an  inch  back.  The 
quarrel  grew  so  hot  that  they  soon  come  to  blows.  John 
heard  the  rumpus,  and  seeing  that  his  boys  were  in  great 
danger  of  getting  an  awful  lickin',  he  called  to  Jonathan  to 
send  over  his  boys  to  help  lick  the  Silverbuckles. 

"  'Well,  now,  brother,'  said  Jonathan,  'I  think  your  boy? 
have  been  very  foolish  to  get  into  this  scrape,  and  I  guess 
they've  been  more  to  blame  than  the  Silverbuckles.  But  still, 
as  you've  got  into  the  difficulty,  we'll  take  hold  and  help  you 
out  of  it.' 

"  So  Jonathan  called  his  boys  out,  and  they  went  over  to 
help  John's  ;  and  all  the  Sams  went  at  the  Silverbuckles  and 
licked  'em  like  a  sack.  They  drove  'em  back  aud  followed 
'em  half  way  over  the  Silverbuckle  farm,  thrashing  of  'em 
from  house  to  house,  and  from  field  to  field,  wherever  they 
met  them.  At  last  the  Silverbuckles  give  up,  and  owned 
themselves  licked,  and  begged  the  Sams  to  quit  and  go  home. 

"  Well,  the  Sams  said  they  was  ready  enough  to  do  that, 
but  they  warn't  agoing  to  have  all  this  trouble  for  nothin'  : 
and  they  should  demand  the  gold-apple  field  to  pay  them  fo^ 
their  trouble.  This  was  a  very  valuable  field  on  the  north- 
west end  of  the  Silverbuckle  farm,  and  took  its  name  from  an 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE. 


329 


orcliard  on  it  that  bore  very  rich  gold-colored  apples.  Them 
Siverbuckles  sot  very  high  by  this  field,  and  declared  they 
couldn't  part  with  it  no  how.  But  the  Saras  said  they  must 
have  it,  and  they  wouldn't  stir  an  inch  home  till  they  had  a 
deed  of  it.  The  Silverbuckles  said  they  wouldn't  give  a  deed. 
They  acknowledged  the  Sams  was  the  strongest,  and  could 
take  it  by  force,  if  they'd  a  mind  to. 

*•  '  Oh,'  the  Sams  said,  '  we  an't  no  robbers,  to  take  a  thing 
by  force.     We  calculate  to  make  a  fair  bargain  of  it.' 

"  The  Silverbuckles  said  no,  they  wouldn't  give  a  deed. 

"  '  Well,  then,'  said  the  Sams,  '  you  may  take  your  choice- 
give  the  deed  or  take  another  lickin'  all  round.' 

"  The  Silverbuckles,  with  bung'd  eyes  and  bloody  noses, 
felt  as  if  they  couldn't  stand  another  lickin'  no  how,  so  they 
give  up  and  signed  the  deed  voluntarily. 

"  So  the  hot  quarrel  between  the  Sams  and  the  Silver- 
buckles w^as  ended  ;  gold  apple-field  lecame  the  lawful  prop- 
erty of  the  Sams,  who  pocketed  the  deeds,  shook  hands  w-ith 
the  Silverbuckles,  agreed  to  be  good  friends,  and  bid  them 
good-by.  The  poor  Silverbuckles,  glad  to  get  rid  of  the 
Saras,  went  to  work  to  heal  up  their  w^ounds  and  bruises,  and 
repair  the  damages  done  to  their  farm. 

"  The  Sams  went  home  in  high  glee  about  their  gold-apple 
field,  and  sot  down  and  talked  the  matter  over  ;  what  a  fine 
addition  it  was  to  the  old  farm,  and  what  pleasant  garden 
spots  it  would  make  for  their  children  and  children's  children 
to  live  on.  And  some  of  Jonathan's  boys,  who  were  always 
wide  awake,  started  right  ofi*  over  to  the  field,  and  went  to 
diggin'  on  it.  And  when  they  come  home,  they  brought  bags 
full  of  rich  gold-colored  apples.  And  when  some  of  John's 
boys  begun  to  stir  round,  and  talk  about  going  over  to  dig 
and  build  on  the  apple  field,  Jonathan  said  to  John — 

"  '  Nqw,  brother,  Vm  entirely  willing  your  boys  should  go 

w 


330  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

over  on  to  the  apple  field,  and  dig  as  mucli  as  they  are  a  mind 
to,  and  build,  and  plant,  and  sow,  and  reap  ;  but  before  they 
go,  there  is  one  thing  that  we  must  have  a  fair  understand- 
ing about — and  that  is,  they  can't  never  have  no  thistles 
there,  for  I've  made  up  my  mind  that  there  shan't  never  be  no 
thistles  allowed  to  grow  on  gold-apple  field.' 

"  At  that,  John  flared  right  up,  and  said  he  never  would 
stand  that  ;  for  gold-apple  field  belonged  to  him  as  much  as 
it  did  to  Jonathan,  and  his  boys  had  as  good  a  right  to 
dig  there,  and  build  there,  as  Jonathan's  boys  had  ;  and  if 
his  boys  chose  to  have  thistles  there,  they  had  a  right  to  have 
thistles  there,  and  they  should  have  thistles  there.  Jonathan 
declared  again  he  had  made  up  his  mind  '  that  there  shan't 
never  be  no  thistles  allowed  to  grow  on  gold-apple  field.' 

"  While  they  were  disputing  about  it,  one  of  Jonathan's 
boys,  that  had  been  over  on  the  field  a  good  deal,  and  knew 
all  about  it,  come  along,  and,  hearing  the  dispute,  said  : 

"  '  Father,  there  needn't  be  no  trouble  about  that,  for  this- 
tles can't  never  grow  there  ;  it  an't  the  right  kind  of  land  for 
thistles,  and  you  couldn't  never  make  a  thistle  grow  there.' 

"  '  So  much  the  better,'  said  Jonathan,  '  and  I'm  deter- 
mined the  whole  world  shall  know  there  an't  no  thistles  there, 
and  shan't  never  be  any  there  ;  and  I'll  write  it  in  large  let- 
ters on  a  board,  and  set  it  up  on  a  post  by  the  side  of  the 
road  where  everybody  goes  along  ;  and  the  writing  shall  bo. 
There  shanH  never  he  no  thistles  alloioed  to  grow  on  gold-apple  field.^ 

"' Well,  then,' says  John,  'I'll  tell  you  what 'tis,  brother, 
if  it  is  the  last  words  I  have  to  speak,  if  you  do  that  thing 
I'll  split  the  farm  right  in  tu,  and  build  up  a  high  fence  be- 
tween us,  and  I'll  never  have  anything  more  to  do  with  you.' 

"  '  I  can't  help  that,'  said  Jonathan  ;  my  mind  is  made  up, 
and  the  world  shall  know  that  there  shan't  never  be  no  this- 
tles allowed  to  grow  on  gold-apple  field.' 


OUT   OF    THE    SENATE. 


131 


"  And  while  their  blood  was  up,  Jonathan  went  to  work 
and  put  up  his  sign-board,  all  writ  out  in  large  letters.  At 
that,  John  turned  as  red  as  fire,  and  called  his  boys  and  went 
to  work  and  run  a  great  high  fence  across  the  farm,  between 


"  GOOD-BY,  JONATHAN,  I'VE  DONE  WITH  YOU  FOREVER." 

him  and  Jonathan,  so  that  they  had  to  get  up  on  a  ladder  to 
look  over  it.  And  when  'twas  done,  John  went  up  on  the 
ladder  and  looked  over,  and  called  out  as  loud  as  he  could 
call,  *  Good-by,   Jonathan,   I've    done  with  you  forever/ 


332  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

"  '  I  can't  help  that,'  said  Jonathan,  *  there  shan't  never  be 
no  thistles  allowed  to  grow  on  gold-apple  field.' 

"Afier  this  the  families  lived  entirely  separate,  and  got  along 
the  best  way  they  could,  but  with  much  less  comfort  than 
they  used  to  have.  Some  things  that  Jonathan  raised  he  had 
as  much  agin  as  he  knew  what  to  do  with,  and  it  rotted  on 
the  ground.  And  some  other  things  that  he  didn't  raise,  and 
wanted  very  much,  was  rotting  on  John's  ground.  And  jest 
so  'twas  with  John  on  t'other  side  of  the  fence.  Things  went 
on  in  this  way  a  few  years,  and  they  didn't  know  much  about 
how  each  other  got  along.  At  last  one  day  Jonathan  heard 
John  up  top  of  the  ladder,  calling  out  most  bitterly,  '  Brother 
Jonathan,  brother  Jonathan,  do  come  ;  the  Silverbuckles  are 
here,  lickin'  my  boys  half  to  death,  thrashin'  of  'em  with  this- 
tles, and  scratchin'  their  ej^es  out.  Do  come,  and  bring  your 
boys  over,  and  help  drive  'em  away.' 

"  '  But  you've  done  with  us  forever,'  said  Jonathan  ;  '  and 
besides,  it's  too  much  of  a  job  to  get  over  that  fence.  I  don't 
see  but  you'll  have  to  fight  your  battles  out  the  best  way  you 
can.  Remember,  I  always  told  you  that  3'ou  better  weed  out 
them  thistles.  If  you  had  followed  my  advice  they  wouldn't 
now  be  scratchin'  your  boys'  eyes  out  ;  but,  instead  of  that, 
your  boys  might  now  be  over  along  with  my  boys  diggin'  in 
gold-apple  field.' 

"  '  Gold-apple  field  be  hanged  !'  said  John.  '  I  wish  I  never 
had  heard  of  it,  and  then  this  fence  wouldn't  a  been  here  to 
prevent  your  coming  over  to  help  us.' 

*'  The  upshot  of  the  matter  was,  that  John's  boys  all  got  a 
dreadful  lickin',  which  they  didn't  get  over  for  a  long  time, 
and  the  Silverbuckles  carried  offas  much  plunder  as  they  had 
a  mind  to,  and  made  John  give  'em  a  deed  of  a  strip  of  his 
land. 

"  Some  time  after  this,  while  Jonathan's  boys  were  busy  dig- 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  333 

gin'  on  gold  apple-field,  the  Silverbuckles,  who  had  always  been 
wrathy  about  that  field,  agreed  witli  the  Goldthread  family, 
who  lived  south  of  'em,  and  with  the  families  of  the  Boheas 
and  the  Shushons,  who  lived  over  t'other  side  of  the  pond,  to 
go  together  and  give  Jonathan's  boys  a  lickin'  and  rob  the 
orchards.  So  down  they  went,  in  whole  flocks  and  swarms, 
and  the  first  thing  Jonathan's  boys  knew  they  were  having  it, 
rough  and  tumble,  and  were  getting  the  worst  of  it.  Jonathan 
heard  the  outcry,  and  run  puffing  and  sweating  down  to  the 
high  fence,  and  looked  through  a  crack,  and  called  out  to  John, 
'Brother  John,  brother  John,  the  Silverbuckles,  and  the  Gold- 
threads, and  the  Boheas,  and  the  Shushons  are  swarming  over 
on  gold-apple  field,  and  fell  afoul  of  my  boys,  and  I'm  afraid 
they'll  half  kill  'em.  Do  jest  send  your  boys  over  to  help  drive 
'em  away.' 

"John  put  his  finger  up  to  the  side  of  his  nose,  and 
says  he  : 

"  '  Brother  Jonathan,  I'll  tell  you  what  'tis,  my  boys  are  out 
of  the  scrape  now,  and  I  reckon  they  better  keep  out  of  it. 
And,  besides,  they've  had  one  all-fired  thrashin'  lately,  and  I 
reckon  that's  their  part.' 

"  The  upshot  of  the  matter  this  time  was,  that  Jonathan's 
boys  got  an  awful  drubbin',  and  had  their  orchards  all  robbed, 
ana  the  Silverbuckles,  and  the  Goldthreads,  and  the  Boheas, 
and  the  Shushons  went  off  with  the  plunder. 

"Not  long  after  this,  Jonathan  was  walking  one  day  along 
by  the  high  fence,  thinkin'  and  ruminatin',  and  he  thought  he 
would  look  through  the  crack  and  speak  to  John.  And,  as  he 
put  his  face  to  the  crack,  John  was  that  minute  putting  his 
face  to  it  to  speak  to  Jonathan,  and  their  noses  almost  hit  each 
other. 

"  *  Hullo,'  said  John,  '  is  that  you,  brother  Jonathan  ?  How 
do  you  all  do  to-day  ?     I  should  like  to  shake  hands  with  you^ 


334 


ilV    THIRTY"    YEARS 


but  I  can't  get  ray  hand  through  this  crack,  so  you  must  take 
the  will  for  the  deed/ 

"'Well,  it  seems  to  be   a  pity,'  said    Jonathan,  *  that  this 
fence  should   stop   our    shaking   hands.     Don't   you  think  it 


PEEPING  THROUGH  THE  FENCE  ON  MASON  AND  DIXON's  LINE. 


would  be  as  well  if  it  was  out  of  the  way,  and  we  should 
agree  to  be  friends  again,  and  help  each  other  along  as  we 
used  to?' 


OUT    OF   THE    SEXATE.  335 

*' '  That's  jest  what  IVe  been  thinkin'  of/  said  John. 

" '  I  guess  we  should  be  better  off/  said  Jonathan. 

"  *  I  reckon  we  should/  said  John. 

"  The  upshot  of  the  matter  was,  the  next  day  the  boys  on 
both  sides  were  at  work  tearing  down  the  high  fence. 

"  And  now,  Mr.  Cheerman,"  said  Uncle  Joshua,  lowering  his 
voice,  "seeing  how  things  did  work  in  one  case,  and,  judging 
from  that,  how  they  would  work  in  another  case,  I  move  that 
our  delegate  to  Congress  shall  be  instructed — 

"  Firstly^  to  vote  against  Jonathan's  putting  up  the  sign- 
board.    But,  if  it  is  put  up, 

"  Secondly,  to  vote  against  John's  putting  up  the  high 
fence.     But,  if  the  fence  is  put  up, 

"  Thirdly,  to  vote  for  pulling  it  down  again  as  quick  as  pos- 
sible, without  waiting  for  both  sides  to  get  a  lickin'  first." 

Here  Bill  Johnson  jumped  up,  and  s'apped  his  hand  down  on 
the  bench  so  hard  that  it  made  the  house  ring  again,  and  says 
he  :  "I  second  that  motion,  Mr.  Cheerman  ;  and  I  move  that 
Uncle  Joshua  Downing   shall  be  our  deleg-ate  to  Congress." 

No  sooner  said  than  done  ;  the   instructions  and  the  dele- 
gate was  all  carried  to  once  by  a  unanimous  vote. 
So  I  remain  your  old  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER   LXV. 

THE  major's  plan-  FOR  CONSOLIDATING  TWENTY  PARTIES  INTO  TWO. 

DowNiNGViLLE,  State  of  Maine,  Nov.  10,  1851. 

Mr.  Gales  and  Seaton — 

^  Dear  Old  Friends  : — If  you  are  yet  in  the  land  of  the 
livin',  I  long  to  have  a  little  talk  with  you  about  tlie  affairs  of 
the  nation.     And  if  you  an't  in  the  land  of  the  livin',  but  have 


336 


MY    THIRTY    YEARS 


dropped  off  since  I've  been  awsiy  in  the  gold  diggings  of  Cali- 
forny,  if  you'll  contrive  to  let  me  know  it  I'll  go  to  one  of  the 
"  sperrit  rappers  "  (Cousin  Nabby  knows  one  of  'em),  and  try 
to  have  a  chat  with  you  that  way.  And  my  old  friend  Mr. 
Ritchie,  too,  I  want  to  have  a  chat  along  with  him.  But  I 
don't  know  where  to  find  him,  for  Uncle  Joshua  tells  me  he 
isn't  in  the  Washington  Union  paper  now,  and  they've  "car- 
ried him  back  to  old  Virginny."  Now,  that's  very  bad  ;  it's 
treason  agin  the  Government.  How  can  the  country  get  along 
through  a  Presidential  campaign  without  Mr.  Ritchie  ?  They 
never  have  done  it,  and  it  can't  be  done  ;  it's  impossible.  I 
don't  know  who  they've  got  in  his  place  in  the  Union,  nor  I 
don't  care  ;  but  I  know  they  never  will  find  one  that  can  fight 
agin  the  Federalists  like  Mr.  Ritchie.  How  many  times  he 
saved  the  country  from  bein'  eat  up  by  the  Federalists  ;  and, 
what's  very  remarkable,  he  could  fight  agin  'em  forbears  and 
years  after  they  was  all  dead  jest  as  well  as  he  could  when 
they  was  alive.  There's  to  be  a  great  battle  for  the  next 
President,  and  we  can't  get  along  without  Mr.  Ritchie.  He 
ought  not  to  a  gone  oif  so  ;  he  owed  his  services  to  the  coun- 
try, and  he  ought  to  be  ketched  and  brought  back  to  Washing- 
ton under  the  "  Fugitive  Slave  Law."  That  law  is  carried  out 
everywhere  to  the  North,  and  the}^  expect  it  to  be  carried 
out  to  the  South.  What  is  sass  for  the  goose  is  sass  for  the 
gander.  If  the  South  wants  to  keep  the  North  in  the  Union, 
she  must  give  some  good  strong  proof  that  she  is  willing  to 
fulfill  and  carry  out  the  Fugitive  Slave  Law.  And  she  couldn't 
do  it  any  better  than  to  ketch  Mr.  Ritchie  and  carry  him  back 
to  Washington,  and  shet  him  up  in  the  Union  paper  office,  and 
tie  him  down  to  the  editorial  chair,  and  put  a  ream  of  paper 
before  him,  and  a  pen  in  his  hand,  and  set  him  to  writing 
about  the  next  Presidency.  Then  the  dark  fog  which  hangs 
over  the  whole  countr^^  would  begin  to  be  blowed  away,  and 


OUT    or    THE    SENATE.  337 

parties  could  begin  to  see  where  they  are  again  ;  and  the 
knots  and  the  snarls  of  politics  would  begin  to  be  unraveled, 
so  that  we  could  all  tell  where  to  take  hold  and  pull  with  a 
fair  chance  of  doing  some  good.  Then  we  might  stand  a  good 
chance  to  get  a  President  next  year.  But  as  things  now  go, 
the  chance  looks  slim  enough. 

Times  isn't  now  as  they  used  to  be,  when  we  hadn't  only 
two  parties,  and  everybody  could  tell  who  he  was  fightin' 
aginst.  Then  a  single  blast  from  Major  Ben  Kussel,  in  the 
old  Boston  Centinel,  would  call  out  all  the  Federalists  in  the 
the  country,  and  make  'em  draw  up  in  a  straight  line  ;  and 
then  another  blast  from  Mr.  Ritchie,  in  the  Richmond  Enquirer, 
would  call  out  all  the  Republicans  into  another  line  ;  and 
when  these  two  parties  were  called  out,  there  wasn't  nobody 
left  but  women  and  children,  and  then  the  two  parties  had  a 
clear  field  before  'em,  and  marched  up  face  to  face  and  had  a 
fair  fight,  and  they  always  knew  which  got  whipped.  But 
things  isn't  so  now-a-days.  There's  more  parties  now  than 
you  can  shake  a  stick  at.  And  they  face  in  all  manner  of 
ways,  so  that  when  you  are  fightin'  for  one  party,  it  would 
puzzle  a  Philadelphy  lawyer  to  tell  what  party  you  are  fightin' 
aginst,  or  to  tell  who  is  whipped  when  the  battle's  over.  I 
didn't  know  things  was  in  quite  so  bad  a  snarl  till  I  got 
home  'tother  day  from  Californy,  and  sot  down  and  had  a  long 
talk  with  Uncle  Joshua,  who  told  me  all  about  it.  Uncle 
Joshua  is  getting  old,  but  he  holds  his  age  remarkably  well — 
I  think  full  equal  to  Mr.  Ritchie,  and  I  don't  see  but  he  keeps 
the  run  of  politics  as  well  as  he  used  to. 

Says  I  :  "  Uncle  Joshua,  what's  the  prospect  about  the 
Presidency  ?" 

"  Well,"  says  he,  "Major" — he  always  calls  me  Major — 
says  he,  "Major,  there  an't  no  prospect  at  all." 

"  How  so,"  says  I ;  "  how  can  you  make  that  out  ?" 


338  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

"Weil/'  saj^s  he,  "there's  so  many  parties  now,  and  they 
are  all  so  mixed  up,  higgledy-piggledy,  that  you  can't  see 
through  'em  with  the  longest  spy-glass  that  ever  was  made." 

"  Well,  now,  Uncle  Joshua,"  says  I,  "jest  name  over  all 
these  parties,  so  I  can  begin  to  have  some  idea  of  them." 

"  Well,"  says  he,  "  We'll  begin  first  south  side  of  Mason  and 
Dickson's  line.  There's  the  old  Whig  party,  and  the  old  Dem- 
ocratic party,  and  the  party  of  Union  Whigs,  and  the  party  of 
Secession  Whigs,  and  the  party  of  Union  Democrats,  and  the 
party  of  Secession  Democrats,  and  the  party  of  absolute, 
unqualified  Secessionists,  and  the  party  of  Co-operation 
Secessionists.  And  then,  if  we  come  to  the  north  side  of 
Mason  and  Dixon's  line,  we  find  the  regular  Whig  party, 
and  the  regular  Democratic  party,  and  the  Union  Whigs, 
and  the  Abolition  Whigs,  and  the  Union  Democrats,  and  the 
Abolition  Democrats,  and  the  Silver  Gray  Whigs,  and  the 
Woolyhead  Whigs,  and  the  Hunker  Democrats,  and  the  Barn- 
burner Democrats,  and  the  Seward  party,  and  the  Union  Safety 
Committee  party,  and  the  reguLir  Free-Soil  party,  and  the 
regular  Yote-Yourself-a-Farm  part}'." 

Here  Uncle  Joshua  paused  a  little,  and  Aunt  Keziah  laid 
down  her  nittin'-work,  and  looked  over  her  spectacles  ;  and 
says  she  to  me,  "  Your  Uncle  Joshua  must  have  a  wonderful 
memory  to  keep  all  them  hard  names  in  his  head  ;  for  my 
part,  I  don't  see  how  he  does  it." 

Then  Cousin  Nabby  she  clapped  her  liands  and  laughed, 
and   says   she,  "  Now,  Jack,  which  party  do  you  belong  to  ?" 

Says  I,  "  I'll  be  hanged  if  I  know.  If  the  old  Gineral  was 
alive — I  mean  Old  Hickory — I'd  go  with  his  party,  let  it  be 
which  'twould  ;  for  then  I  should  know  I  was  going  for  the 
country.  The  old  Gineral  was  always  ready  to  fight  for  the 
country  against  bank  monsters,  and  nullification  monsters, 
and  all  sorts  of  monsters." 


OUT    OF    THE    SEXATK. 


339 


"  Well,  now,"  says  Uncle  Joshua,  "  how  do  you  suppose  we 
are  going  to  work  to  make  a  President,  with  all  these  parties 
in  the  field,  fightin'  cross-handed,   and  every  which  way  ?  " 

"  I'm  sure  I  can't  see,"  says  I,  "  unless  we  can  get  up  a 
party  that  will  surround  the  whole  of  'em,  as  the  Irish  cor- 
poral surrounded  the  half  a  dozen  prisoners." 

"  What  do  you  think  of  Mr.  Calhoun's  plan,"  said  Uncle 


AUNT  KEZIAH  ASTONISHED  AT  UNCLE  JOSHUA'S  MEMORY. 

Joshua,  "  that's  laid  down  in  his  works,  just  published  ?" 
"  What's  that  ?"  says  I  ;  "  I  don't  think  I've  heard  of  it." 
"  Well,"  says  he,  "  he  recommends  to  choose  two  Presidents, 
one  for  the  North  and  one  for  the  South — each  side  of  Mason 
and  Dixon's  line  ;  and  no  law  of  Congress  to  become  a  law  till 
it  is  signed  by  both  Presidents.    How  think  you  it  will  work  ?  " 


340 


MY    THIRTY    ITEARS 


"  Well,  I  guess,"  says  I,  "  if  the  country  depended  upon 
laws  to  live  on,  it  would  starve  to  death  as  sure  as  the  ass 
between  the  two  bundles  of  hay." 

At  that,  Cousin  Nabby  spoke  up,  and  says  she,  "  More  like, 
the  country  would  be  like  a  bundle  of  hay  between  two  asses, 
and  would  get  eat  up  pretty  quick." 

Uncle  Joshua  couldn't  help  smiling,  but  he  looked  as  sober 
as  he  could,  and  says  he,  "  Come,  come,  Nabby,  you  hush  up  ; 
what  do  you  know  about  politics  ?  " 

"  Well,  now,"  says  I,  "  let  us  look  at  this  plan  of  Mr.  Cal- 
houn's a  little,  and  see  what  it  amounts  to.  His  notion  was, 
that  two  parties,  one  north  and  one  south  of  Mason  and  Dix- 
on's line,  under  one  President,  could  never  agree,  but  would 
always  be  quarrelin',  and  fightin',  and  crowdin'  ;  but  if  each 
party  would  choose  a  President,  then  they  would  get  along 
smooth  and  quiet,  and  live  as  peaceable  as  lambs.  Now,  if 
the  doctrine  is  good  for  two  parties,  it  is  good  for  twenty. 
So,  if  Mr.  Calhoun  was  right,  the  best  way  would  be  to  let  the 
twenty  parties  that  are  now  quarreling  like  cats  and  dogs, 
go  to  work,  and  each  choose  a  President  for  itself.  Then 
what  a  happy,  peaceable  time  we  should  have  of  it." 

"Well,  you've  fairly  run  it  into  the  ground  now,"  says 
Uncle  Joshua,  "  and  I  guess  we  may  as  well  let  it  stick  there. 
Pm  more  troubled  about  electing  one  President  than  I  am 
two,  or  twenty  ;  and  I  should  like  to  get  your  idea  how  it 
can  be  done.  I  know  General  Jackson  used  to  think  a  great 
deal  of  your  opinion,  and  may  be  you  can  contrive  some  plan 
to  get  us  out  of  this  hurly-burly  that  we  are  in,  so  that  we 
can  make  a  President  next  year,  when  the  time  comes  round." 

"  Well,"  says  I,  "Uncle  Joshua,  according  to  what  you  say 
about  the  parties  now-a-days,  all  split  up  into  flinders,  and 
cross-grained  every  way,  I  don't  think  there's  much  chance 
for  any  of  'em  to  elect  a  President,  especially  if  Mr.   llitcliie 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  341 

don't  help.  But  for  all  that,  I  think  the  thing  can  be  done, 
and  I  think  there's  two  ways  of  doing  it.  One  way  is,  to  get 
a  new  party  that  shall  surround  all  the  other  parties— I  mean 
a  real  constitutional  party,  an  out  and  out  national  party,  a 
party  that  will  stand  up  to  the  rack,  fodder  or  no  fodder — 
and  go  for  the  Union,  the  whole  Union,  and  nothing  but  the 
Union,  live  or  die.  This  party  would  have  to  be  made  up  out 
of  the  twenty  parties  you  have  named,  so  I  guess  we  might 
as  well  call  it  the  party  of  *  National  Come-outersJ  T'other 
way  would  be,  to  get  up  a  sort  of  revolution-annexation 
manifest-destiny-glory  party,  and  have  a  great  banner  paint- 
ed, with  Cuba  on  one  end,  and  Canada  on  t'other,  and  what 
there  is  left  of  Mexico  in  the  middle  ;  and  get  up  a  great 
torch-light  procession  from  one  end  of  the  country  to  t'other, 
and  hire  Kossuth  to  make  stump  speeches  for  our  candi- 
date through  all  the  States.  If  we  didn't  elect  him,  I'd  go 
into  retiracy,  and  settle  on  the  banks  of  Salt  River  for  life." 

"  Well,  Major,"  says  Uncle  Joshua,  "  I  think  a  good  deal 
of  your  notions,  and  I  wish  you  would  draw  up  some  plan  for 
us  to  go  by,  for  it's  high  time  we  was  doing  something." 

So,  Mr.  Gales  &  Seaton,  I  remain  your  old  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LXVI. 

THE  MAJOR  AND  UNCLE  JOSHUA  AGREE  ON  A  NEW    POLITICAL    PLATFORM. 

DowNiNGviLLE,  State  of  Maine,  Nov.  24,  1851. 
Mr.  Gales  &  Seaton  : — Since  my  letter  to  you,  two  or  three 
weeks  ago,  I've  had  another  long  talk  with  Uncle  Joshua 
about  the  rickety  consarn  of  our  politics  all  over  the  country, 
and  about  contrivin'  a  new  platform  to  stand  on.  Uncle 
Joshua  takes  hold  of  the   business  like  an  old  apostle  of  lib- 


342  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

erty.  He  says  something  must  bo  done,  or  we  are  a  gone- 
goose  people  ;  we  can't  never  get  along  in  this  way,  split  up 
into  twenty  parties,  and  every  one  fightin'  agin  all  the  rest. 
When  we  didn't  use  to  have  but  two  parties,  he  says,  one  or 
t'other  most  always  stood  a  chance  to  beat,  and  they  that 
wasn't  beat  could  take  command  of  the  ship,  and  trim  the 
sails  as  they  thought  best,  and  man  the  helm,  and  keep  her 
movin'  on  the  voyage.  But  now  it's  one  agin  nineteen  every- 
where, all  over  the  country  ;  and  if  the  good  old  ship  don't  get 
ashore  in  the  squabble,  or  run  on  the  rocks  somewhere,  it 
must  be  a  miracle  that'll  save  her." 

"  Ye  see.  Major,"  says  Uncle  Joshua,  "  wg  must  'malgamate 
these  twenty  parties  into  two  parties  agin,  somehow  or  other. 
I  can't  exactly  see  yet  how  to  do  it ;  but  the  thing  must  be 
done,  or  I  say  it's  gon^  goose  with  us.  All  parties  always 
run  out  after  awhile,  and  have  to  begin  anew.  It  can't  be 
helped — it's  the  nater  of  the  thing.  All  crops  will  run  out  if 
you  keep  'em  too  long  in  the  same  field  ;  and  when  you  find 
the  land  don't  bear  hardly  nothin'  but  weeds,  it's  the  best  way 
to  change  the  crop  at  once.  It  was  so  with  the  first  two 
old  parties — the  Federalists  and  Republicans  ;  they  had  some- 
thing to  fight  about  and  keep  'em  alive  for  some  years.  One 
was  afraid  the  Federal  Government  wasn't  strong  enough  to 
get  along  well,  and  t'other  was  afraid  it  was  too  strong. 
And  so  they  fit  that  battle  out,  year  after  year,  till  at  last 
they  got  used  to  the  working  of  the  Government,  and  found 
it  didn't  want  any  tinkerin'  either  way.  And  so  they  left  off 
fightin',  except  a  little  once  in  a  while,  for  the  fun  of  it ;  and 
the  two  parties  begun  to  be  social  like,  and  to  talk  together 
across  from  one  rank  to  t'other,  and  wasn't  afraid  to  come  up 
so  near  as  to  reach  a  chaw  of  tobacco  across  to  one  another 
at  the  pint  of  the  baganut.  At  last,  they  got  kind  of  mixed 
up  like,  and  some  went  one  side,  and  some  t'other,  and  forgot 


OUT    OF    THE    SEX  ATE.  343 

which  side  they  belonged  to.  And  so  when  Mr.  Monroe  come 
and  looked  round  to  see  how  his  ranks  stood,  his  first  words 
was,  *  Why,  fad,  what  Jefferson  once  said — we  are  all  Federal- 
ists, we  are  all  Republicans — has  come  to  pass.'  And  here  the 
first  two  old  parties  died  out,  and  new  ones  sprouted  up  and 
took  their  places." 

Here  Uncle  Joshua  got  up  and  went  to  the  fire,  and  knocked 
the  ashes  out  of  his  pipe,  and  put  in  a  little  more  tobacco,  and 
sot  down  agin. 

"  Well,  now.  Major,"  says  he,  "  it's  been  jest  so  with  the 
last  two  great  parties,  the  Whigs  and  Democrats.  As  long 
as  they  had  anything  to  fight  about,  they  could  keep  their 
ranks  straight,  and  tell  who  was  who  ;  and  they  did  do  it  for 
a  good  many  years.  One  wanted  a  great  national  bank,  and 
t'other  didn't  ;  one  wanted  a  very  high  tariff,  and  t'other 
didn't  ;  one  wanted  to  drive  ahead,  like  all  possessed,  with 
making  roads  and  canals,  and  the  like,  and  t'other  didn't  want 
to  go  a  step  that  way.  And  so  they  drew  the  lines,  and  fit  it 
out.  How  long  and  how  hard  they  fit  I  needn't  tell  you. 
Major  ;  for  you  and  Gineral  Jackson  had  a  hand  in  it,  and 
know  all  about  it.  Well,  arter  awhile,  both  parties  found  out 
they  could  do  as  well  without  a  great  national  bank  as  they 
could  with  one.  So  they  dropped  that  quarrel.  Then  some 
of  them  that  wanted  a  very  high  tariff  begun  to  think  they 
had  pitched  it  rather  too  high,  and  were  willing  to  take  one 
considerable  lower.  And  some  of  them  that  wanted  a  very 
low  tariff  begun  to  think,  and  to  feel,  too,  that  they  had 
pitched  it  too  low,  and  begged  for  one  considerable  higher. 
So  the  jig  was  up  about  any  more  figtin'  on  that  score.  Well, 
as  for  roads  and  canals,  everybody  found  at  last  that  them 
sort  of  things  would  go  ahead  anyhow,  party  or  no  party,  and 
it  was  no  sort  of  use  to  fight  agin  'em.  So  here  was  the  end 
on't.     The  old  parties  have  had  their  day  ;  and  I  tell  you, 


344  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

Major,  they  are  both  as  dead  as  herrins — they've  died  a  na- 
tural death." 

"  Why,  Uncle  Joshua,"  says  I,  "  it  seems  to  me  you  are 
getting  wild.  Do  you  say  the  old  parties  are  dead  ?  Why, 
an't  Whigs  and  Democrats  in  everybody's  mouth  from  morn- 
ing till  night  ?  Haven't  we  got  Whig  papers  and  Democrat 
papers  from  one  end  of  the  country  to  t'other  ?  Don't  we  every 
day  hear  of  Whig  meetings  and  Democrat  meetings  in  all 
the  States  ?  Haven't  Mr.  Donaldson  and  Green  got  all  things 
cut  and  dried  for  a  Democrat  Baltimore  Convention,  to 
nominate  a  President  ?  And  an't  the  Whig  papers  all  the 
time  talking  about  a  National  Convention,  to  nominate  a 
President  on  their  side  ?  Then  how  can  you  say  the  Whig 
and  Democrat  parties  are  dead  ?  " 

Here  Uncle  Joshua  laid  his  pipe  down,  and  I  see  he  was  in 
arnest  ;  and  Aunt  Keziah  laid  her  nittin'-work  down,  for  she 
see  he  was  in  arnest,  too.  And  Uncle  Joshua  turned  round 
to  me,  and  says  he,  "  I  tell  you  the  old  Whig  and  Democrat 
parties  are  as  dead  as  two  old  stumps.  Their  names  may  be 
alive  yet,  and  some  folks  may  think  for  a  good  while  to  come 
that  they  are  fightin'  agin  the  Whig  party,  or  agin  the  Demo- 
crat party,  jest  as  Mr.  Ritchie  thought  he  was  fightin'  agin 
the  old  Federal  part}'  for  more  than  twenty  years  after  they 
was  all  dead.  But  what  signifies  the  names  when  the  life  is 
gone  ?  The  two  parties  can't  never  be  straitened  out  into  a 
line  agin,  and  fight  each  other  as  they  used  to.  Folks  may 
keep  mumbling  the  names  over,  but  the  Whig  and  Democrat 
parties  are  dead  and  gone,  and  dried  up,  and  about  twenty 
parties  have  sprouted  up  to  take  their  places.  This  is  the 
reason  why  some  Whig  States,  now-a-days,  choose  Democrats 
for  Governors,  and  some  Democrats  choose  Whigs  for  Gover- 
nors, and  why  some  Whig  papers  take  sides  with  Democrats, 
and  some  Democrat  papers  take  sides  with  Whigs.     It's  all 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  345 

nothin'  else  but  jest  the  crowdin'  of  these  twenty  young- 
sproutin'  parties  to  see  which  shall  get  the  most  ashes  out  of 
the  two  old  stumps,  to  spread  round  their  own  roots  to  make 
'em  grow  and  overtop  the  rest. 

"  Now,  suppose  some  folks,"  says  he,  *'  thinkin'  the  Whigs 
and  Democrat  parties  was  alive  yet,  should  go  ahead  and  call 
the  national  conventions  as  they  used  to,  and  should  let  no- 
body in  buG  jest  the  two  old  parties,  and  nominate  their 
Presidents.  Each  party  would  then  have  jest  about  nineteen 
parties  fightin'  agin  'em,  and  nobody  would  stand  any  chance 
to  choose  a  President.  There  would  be  the  Union  Whigs,  and 
the  Abolition  Whigs,  and  the  Union  Democrats,  and  the  Abo- 
lition Democrats,  and  the  Silver  Gray  Whigs,  and  the  Wooly- 
head  Whigs,  and  the  Hunker  Democrats,  and  the  Barnburner 
Democrats,  and  the  Seward  party,  and  the  Union  Safety  Com- 
mittee party,  and  the  old  Abolition  party,  and  the  regular 
Free-Sile  party,  and  the  regular  Vote-Yourself-a-Farm  party, 
and  the  old  Secession  party,  and  the  Co-operation  Secession- 
ists, and  the  Out-and-out  unqualified  Go-alone  Secessionists, 
all  in  the  field,  and  every  one  fightin'  on  their  own  hook.  If 
anybody  can  tell  where  a  ship  is  likely  to  go  to  when  the 
crew  is  in  mutiny  and  nobody  at  the  helm,  they  can  guess 
where  we  shall  be  likely  to  go  to  if  things  go  on  in  this  way." 

"Well,"  says  I,  "  Uncle  Joshua,  accordin'  to  your  account, 
I  think  we  are  in  a  pickle." 

"  That's   what  we  be,"  says  he  ;  "  and  there's  nothing  will 

get  us  out  of  it  but  to  go   back  to   the  old   fashion  of  two 

parties  again.     These  twenty  parties  must  be  'malgamated 

down  into  two  parties,  and  we  must  begin  anew,  get  on  to  a 

new  platform,  and  go  ahead.     But  how  it's  to  be  done,  puzzles 

me  and  worries  me  a  good  deal.     I  wish,  Major,  you  would 

set  your  wits  to  work,  and  see  if  you  can't  contrive  some 

plan." 

15 


846  MY   THIRTY    YEAllS 

"  Well,  Uncle  Joshua,"  says  I,  "  I  never  got  so  fur  into  the 
woods  yet  but  what  I  found  the  way  out  again  ;  and  I  don't 
see  any  difiSculty  here.  It  seems  to  me  the  road  out  is  jest  as 
plain  as  the  road  to  mill." 

At  that,  Uncle  Joshua  gin  me  a  slap  on  the  shoulder  that 
e'n  a'most  fetched  me  over,  and  says  he,  "  Major,  that  makes 
me  feel  as  if  a  flash  of  lightning  went  through  me.  If  any-, 
body  else  had  said  it,  I  should  say  'twas  all  humbug  ;  but  if 
you  say  it,  I  believe  it.  Now,  in  the  name  of  Old  Hickory, 
du  go  to  work  and  show  us  the  way  out  of  the  woods." 

"  Well,"  says  I,  "  Uncle,  I  don't  think  we  can  Amalgamate 
the  twenty  parties  down  into  two,  but  I  think  we  can  sijt  hm 
out  into  two  parties,  and  make  clean,  square  work  of  it.  In 
the  first  place,  we  must  get  a  principle  to  fight  about,  for  you've 
jest  proved  that  that's  the  whole  life  of  parties,  and  the  greater 
the  principle  is,  the  straighter  will  the  parties  draw  the 
lines,  and  the  harder  they'll  fight.  Now,  let  us  go  right  to 
work  and  hew  out  a  new  platform,  that  shall  reach  clear  from 
Maine  to  t'other  end  of  Texas,  and  from  New  York  to  Cali- 
forny,  and  run  up  our  flag  on  it,  with  letters  large  enough  for 
all  to  read — 


**  Then  we'll  call  out  to  the  twenty  parties  and  say  :  '  Here, 
look  up  there  ;  that's  our  flag,  and  them's  our  sentiments. 
Now,  all  of  ye  that  an't  got  tired  of  them  things,  and  don't 
want  to  see  'em  all  upset  and  smashed  to  pieces,  and  sunk  to 
the  bottom  of  the  sea,  jest  come  out  of  your  twenty  quarreling 
parties,  and  get  up  onto  this  platform  and  fight  for  the  Union 
and  the  Constitution.' 

"  I  tell  3^ou  what  'tis,  Uncle  Joshua,  there's  always  a  major- 
ity in  every  ship  that  had  rather  get  safe  through  the  voyage 
than  to  be  upset  and  go  to  the  bottom.     And  I  an't  a  bit  afraid 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE 


34T 


but  what  there  would  soon  be  a  party  of  Comc-outers  on  that 
platform  that  would  be  big  enough  to  take  care  of  the  ship. 

"  It  might  not  be  big  enough  to  go  over  to  Europe  and  whip 
all  Russia,  but  I'll  wager  my  head  it  would  be  big  enough  to 
keep  Russia  from  coming  over  here  and  whipping  us.  Now, 
what  do  you  think  of  my  plan,  Uncle  Joshua  I  Don't  you 
think  it'll  work  ?" 


THE  DOWXINGVILLE  POLITICAL  TLATFORM. 


'  Well,  I  don't  doubt  but  that  would  be  a  good  way  to  get 
up  one  party,"  says  Uncle  Joshua  ;  "  but  I  don't  see  how  that 
would  get  us  out  of  the  difficulty  after  all  ;  for  there  would 
still  be  as  many  parties  left  as  there  is  now.  It  would  still 
have  to  be  one  agin  nineteen  ;  and  I'm  afraid  your  Come-outer 


348  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

party  would  have  hard  work  to  get  a  President  if  they  had  to 
tight  agin  the  nineteen  or  twenty  quarreling  parties.  I  can't 
see  much  chance  to  do  anything  unless  we  can  come  down  to 
two  parties  as  we  used  to." 

"  Well,  that  is  jest  what  I've  done,"  says  I  ;  "  I  have  come 
down  to  two  parties." 

"  How  do  you  make  that  out  ?"  says  Uncle  Joshua,  opening^ 
his  eyes  about  half  an  inch  wider.     "  When  you  had  got  some 
out  of  all  the  twenty  parties  to  make  up  your  Come-outer  par- 
ty, wouldn't  there  still  be  twenty  parties  left  ?" 

"  No,"  says  I,  *'  Uncle  Joshua,  there  wouldn't  be  but  one 
party  left." 

"  How  do  3'ou  make  that  out  ?"  says  he  ;  "  I've  cyphered  as 
fur  as  the  rule  of  three,  but  that  sum  beats  me.  You  say,  sub- 
stract  one  from  twenty  and  one  remains.  Now,  the  way  I  al- 
ways used  to  do  the  sum  was,  one  from  twenty  leaves  nineteen.'^ 

"  No,"  says  I,  "  Uncle  Joshua,  that  an't  right.  One  from 
twenty  leaves  one.     There  wouldn't  be  but  one  party  left." 

"  Well,  what  party  would  that  be  ?"  sa}"s  Uncle  Joshua, 
with  his  eyes  and  mouth  both  pretty  well  open. 

"  Well,"  says  I,  "  Uncle  Joshua,  it  would  be  the  regular  Filli- 
bmler  jpariy  ;  for,  when  all  that  are  willing  to  stand  up  for  the 
Union  and  the  Constitution  had  come  out  from  the  twenty 
parties,  you  may  depend  on't  that  all  that  was  left  would  be 
Jillihusters.  Then  it  would  be  the  '  National  Come-outers  '  on  one 
side,  and  the  '  Fillibusters '  on  t'other  ;  and  if  one  or  t'other 
wouldn't  get  licked  I'm  mistaken  " 

At  that  Uncle  Joshua  hopped  up  like  a  boy  and  ketched  hold 
of  my  hand,  and  says  he,  "  Major,  you've  hit  it  ;  that's  the 
road  ;  go  ahead.  I  see  now  there's  a  good  chance  to  have  two 
parties  agin,  and  a  fair  scratch  for  President  ;  and,  old  as  I 
be,  I'm  in  for  another  campaign." 

Here  Sargent  Joel,  who  had  been  setting  in  the  room  all 


OUT    OF   THE    SEXATE.  349 

the  time,  and  hadn't  said  a  word,  straightened  liimself  up,  and 
smit  his  fists  together,  and  says  he,  "  Hoorah  for  Gineral 
Jackson  I" 

"  Well,  now,"  says  Uncle  Joshua,  "  set  right  down.  Major, 
and  write  to  Mr.  Gales  and  Seaton,  and  to  Mr.  Ritchie  tu,  and 
ask  them  what  they  think  of  it.  If  they'll  set  it  agoing  down 
South  we'll  set  it  agoing  away  down  East,  and  have  the  plat- 
form right  up." 

So,  hoping  to  hear  from  you  soon,  I  remain  your  old  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LXVII. 

MAJOR  DOWNING's  LETTER  OF  FRIENDSHIP  AND  ENCOURAGEMENT  TO 
GOVERNOR  KOSSUTH,  OF  HUNGARY,  SOON  AFTER  HIS  ARRIVAL  IN  NEW- 
YORK. 


DowNiNGviLLE,  Away  Down  East 


In  the  State  of  Maine,  December  2 


ist,  ) 

2,  1851.  ) 


Dear  Governor  : — I  hope  you  won't  feel  slighted  because  I 
haint  writ  to  you  afore.  The  truth  is,  I  haven't  had  no  time. 
I've  been  so  busy  for  about  a  month  past,  I  couldn't  get  time 
to  write  no  how.  Uncle  Joshua  and  I  have  been  hard  to  work 
all  the  time,  day  and  night,  reading  your  speeches  and  the 
duins  of  the  meetins  in  New  York  and  England.  We  begun 
a  week  or  two  before  you  got  to  York,  and  have  been  at  it 
ever  since.  We  commonly  get  up  and  go  at  it  before  break- 
fast, and  take  turns  reading,  and  keep  it  up  till  bed  time — 
that  is,  till  nine  o'clock  in  the  evenin'  ;  for  that's  the  time  wo 
Downingville  folks  go  to  bed.  So  I  hope  you  won't  feel  slighted 
because  I  haven't  found  time  to  write  to  you  afore  now,  and  I 
hope  you  haven't  felt  lonesome  since  you've  been  in  York.  I 
see  you  are  on  the  way  to  Philadelph}^,   and  Baltimore,  and 


350  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

Washington  ;  and  if  you  should  feel  lonesome  in  them  places, 
jest  turn  about  and  come  down  here  to  Downingville,  and 
we'll  try  to  cheer  you  up  and  make  j'ou  feel  at  home.  I  say 
this  because  I  have  took  a  great  liking  to  you,  and  I  always 
mean  what  I  say.  I've  took  a  greater  liking  to  you  than  any- 
body else  since  I  lost  my  dear  old  friend,  Gineral  Jackson. 
May  be  it  is  because  you  are  so  much  like  him.  Fact,  in  some' 
things  it  seems  to  me  you  are  jest  like  him.  Old  Hickory  was 
the  man  what  "took  the  responsibility"  when  he  wanted  to 
do  anything,  and  I  see  you  are  jest  so — you  an't  afraid  to 
take  the  responsibility  ;  and,  what's  better  still,  you  are 
trying  to  encourage  other  folks  to  take  the  responsibility  tu. 
Old  Hickory  was  a  great  hand  to  make  principles,  and  then 
fight  'em  through.  And  there,  agin,  I  think  you  are  a  good 
deal  like  him.  And,  by  the  way,  I  begin  to  feel  quite  a 
liking  for  President  Bonaparte,  of  France  ;  for  I  see  he's  took 
the  responsibility  at  last,  and  been  makin'  principles,  and 
fightin'  of  'em  through.  There's  some  smart  folks  in  the 
world  yet  ;  and  it's  well  there  is,  for  it's  pretty  likely  there'll 
be  a  use  for  'em  before  another  year  is  out.  And  then  another 
thing  which  makes  me  think  you  are  so  much  like  Old  Hickory 
is  the  hoorahs.  Wh}^,  it  seems  to  me  I  can  hear  'em  all  the 
way  from  York  to  Dowuingville  ;  and  it  carries  me  right  back 
to  old  times,  when  the  whole  country  was  ringing  with 
"  Hoorah  for  Jackson." 

I  think,  dear  Governor,  you  better  stop  here  till  next  sum- 
mer, and  not  go  back  to  Hungary.  We  shall  have  to  make  a 
new  President  next  summer,  and  you  might  get  in  to  be 
President  jest  as  easy  as  a  cat  could  lick  her  ear  ;  and  a 
President,  you  know,  is  higher  than  Governor.  Hadn't  you 
better  take  it  ?  I  know  you  can  get  it  if  you'll  only  say  the 
word.  Our  parties  in  this  countr}"  have  been  so  broke  to' 
pieces,  and  mixed  up   lately,  that  nobody  could  tell  who  to 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  351 

pitch  upon  for  President  ;  and  we've  been  a  good  deal  worried 
for  fear  we  shouldn't  make  out  to  choose  any  President  at  all 
next  summer.  And  I  an't  sure  but  what  you've  got  here  just 
in  the  nick  of  time  to  get  us  out  of  this  scrape  ;  for,  if  you'll 
only  stand  as  a  candidate,  you'll  go  in  all  holler.  I  never 
knew  it  to  fail,  when  the  hurrahs  got  up  so  strong  as  they 
have  been  since  you  got  to  York.  We've  got  about  twenty 
parties  in  this  country  now  ;  there's  the  old  Whig  party,  and 
the  old  Democrat  party,  and  the  Woolyhead  Whigs,  and  the 
Silver  Gray  Whigs,  and  the  Hunker  Democrats,  and  the  Barn- 
burner Democrats,  and  the  Seward  party,  and  the  Union 
Safety  Committee  party,  and  the  Liberty  party,  and  the  regu- 
lar Free-Soil  party,  and  the  regular  Vote-Yourself-a-Farm 
party,  and  the  old  Abolition  party,  and  the  old  Secession 
party  (which  sprouted  up  out  of  the  old  Nullification  party 
that  I  and  Old  Hickory  killed  off),  and  the  Co-operation 
Secessionists,  and  the  Out-and-out  Go-alone  Secessionists  ; 
and  now  there's  two  new  parties  added  that  an't  hardly  three 
weeks  old  yet-^the  Intervention  p^rty,  and  the  Non-interven- 
tion party  ;  and  I  believe  these  are  divided  again  into  the 
party  for  Intervention,  loitJiowt  war,  and  the  party  for  Inter- 
vention, loar  or  no  war. 

It  was  lucky  you  took  a  stand  and  put  your  foot  down, 
when  you  first  got  to  New  York,  that  you  wouldn't  be  mixed 
up  with  any  of  our  parties  in  this  country  ;  for  if  you  had 
once  fairly  got  mixed  in  with  'em,  you  would  a  found  yourself 
in  such  a  snarl  that  I  am  afraid  you  would  wish  yourself  back 
to  Turkey  again  before  you  would  ever  get  out  of  it.  And 
it's  lucky,  on  another  account,  that  you  haven't  mixed  up 
with  any  of  our  twenty  parties  ;  for  now  you  are  the  only 
man  in  the  country  that  can  get  their  votes.  As  you 
haven't  said  nothin'  agin  none  of  'em,  they  can  all  turn  round 
and  vote  for  you,  and  if  you'll  only  say  tlic  word  they'll  do  it, 


352 


MV    THIRTY    YEARS 


and  be  glad  of  the  chance  ;  for  that  seems  to  be  the  only  way 
they  can  get  handsomely  out  of  the  everlasting  snarl  they've 
got  into  all  over  the  country.  You  needn't  be  afraid  tliere's 
anything  in  the  way  agin  your  being  President.  To  be  sure, 
there  is  some  little  rules  laid  down  about  it  in  our  Constitu- 
tion, but  that  can  all  be  managed  well  enough  ;  it  only  wants 
somebody  to  take  the  responsibility'.  Folks  can't  always  go 
according  to  the  Constitution  when  they  get  into  a  bad  snarl  ; 
they  have  to  make  new  principles  to  go  by.  See  how  Presi- 
dent Bonaparte  has  jest  got  out  of  his  snarl  ;  the  Constitution 
didn't  stand  in  his  way  a  bit  ;  he's  jest  sot  up  a  new  prin- 
ciple, and  fit  it  out.  And  you  see  he's  come  out  all  straight, 
and  now  can  wind  his  j'arn  anywhere  to  suit  himself. 

I  don't  see  nothin'  in  the  way  to  prevent  your  getting  in  to 
be  President,  if  you've  a  mind  to.  You  haven't  mixed  up 
with  no  party,  so  you  wouldn't  have  to  fight  agin  no  party, 
and  it's  pretty  likely  no  party  wouldn't  fight  agin  you.  But 
there's  another  thing  makes  it  more  sure  than  all  that  :  You 
know  this  is  a  free  country,  and  all  the  offices  belongs  to 
everybody  ;  and  them  that  can  make  the  best  and  the  most 
stump  speeches  commonly  gets  in.  Now,  I  know  we  haven't 
got  anybody  in  this  country,  from  Maine  to  Texas,  nor  from 
Dan  to  Beer  Sheba,  that  can  hold  a  candle  to  you  in  that  kind 
of  business.  Of  course,  when  I  say  this,  I  mean  the  old  Bible 
Dan  and  Beer  Sheba  ;  there  is  another  Dan  in  this  country, 
that  if  you  should  happen  to  run  afoul  of,  I  don't  know  but 
the  case  might  be  different. 

Now,  it  seems  to  me,  you  better  go  in  for  the  Presidency, 
instead  of  going  back  to  Hungary  ;  a  bird  in  the  hand  is 
worth  two  in  the  bush  anyhow  ;  and  the  country  is  fairly 
under  your  thumb  now,  but  Hungary  is  still  under  the  paw  of 
the  Russian  bear.  So  that  although  you  are  the  Governor  of 
Hungary,   it's    likely  enough    tlicre    would  be   a  pesky  hard 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  353 

scratch  before  you  could  govern  it,  if  you  went  back.  But  I 
see  some  of  the  papers  say  that  you  anH  Governor  of  Hungary 
now,  although  they  don't  deny  but  you  was  once.  I  wish 
them  papers  had  better  manners  ;  they  might  jest  as  well  say 
that  I  an't  a  Major  now,  because  I  an't  all  the  time  riding  a 
hoss-back  at  the  head  of  a  regiment  of  sogers.  No,  no  ;  that 
won't  do — its  nonsense  and  impudence  tu.  The  rule  in  this 
country  is,  once  a  Major  always  a  Major,  and  once  a  Governor 
always  a  Governor.  A  man's  title  belongs  to  him  as  much  as 
his  name  does.  My  Major  belongs  to  me,  and  your  Governor 
belongs  to  you,  and  nobody  hasn't  any  right  to  take  it  away 
from  us  any  more  than  he  would  have  to  upset  a  nation. 
Because  it's  a  principle,  and  founded  in  everlasting  justice  ; 
therefore,  it  is  not  only  the  law  of  this  country,  but  it  is  the 
true  and  just  law  of  nations  :  and  our  Government  and  our 
country  not  only  ought  to  respect  it  themselves,  but  to  makp. 
others  respect  it. 

"Well,  now,  dear  Governor,  if  you  shouldn't  think  it  best 
to  accept  my  offer  about  the  Presidency,  and  should  rather  go 
back  and  run  your  chance  in  Hungary,  the  next  question  is 
to  see  what  can  be  done  for  you  on  that  score.  You  say,  you 
want  that  we — that  is,  all  America  and  the  universal  Yankee 
nation — should  say  you  have  a  fair  right  to  be  called  Gover- 
nor of  Hungary.  Agreed  ;  I've  alreadj^  proved  that  you  have 
that  right,  and  shall  have  it  as  long  as  you  live.  There  won't 
be  no  more  trouble  on  that  score.  That  question  is  disposed 
of  forever,  I  hope. 

In  the  next  place,  you  want  us  to  say  that  Hungary  got  her 

independence  of  Austria  fairly,  and  ought  to  have  it.     Agreed 

to  that,  too.     We  say  it,  and  will  stand  to  it,  all  weathers. 

Hungary  fit  it  out  like  a  ji}Sin,  and  ought  to  be  free  forever, 

and  a  thousand   years    afterward.     And  the  traitor  Gorgoy 

pught  to  have  his  nock  stretched,  and  the  Russian  bear  oui^ht 
15* 


354 


MY   THIRTY   YEARS 


to  have  his  toe  nails  cut  off  and  his  nose  muzzled,  so  that  he 
couldn't  bite  and  scratch  anybody  agin,  nor  interfere  in  other 
folks'  domestic  affiiirs, 

In  the  next  place,  you  say  you  want  "  something  else," 
which,  as  near  as  I  can  find  out  by  the  papers,  means  money 
matters,  and  food,  and  raiment,  and  clothes,  and  a  few  guns, 
and  the  like  of  that,  because  you  are  going  back  to  have 
another  tussle  with  Austria  and  Russia.  Agreed  to  that,  too. 
You  shall  have  all  you  want.  Jest  hold  your  basket  and  we'll 
fill  it,  if  it  is  a  dozen  times  a  day.  I  see  money  is  beginning 
to  pour  in  upon  you  in  a  thousand  little  streams,  and  some 
pretty  large  rivers  ;  and  it  won't  be  long  before  you'll  have  a 
whole  mint  of  it,  besides  guns,  and  knapsacks,  and  cartridge- 
boxes.  When  I  read  some  of  your  speeches  to  our  folks  about 
your  poor,  down-trodden  country,  it  made  the  tears  come,  I 
tell  ye.  Cousin  Nabby  said  she  would  knit  stockins  all 
winter,  and  send  'em  over  for  your  sogers,  so  they  shouldn't 
have  to  go  barefoot,  as  ours  did  in  the  Revolution.  Aunt 
Keziah  said,  them  two  great  cheeses  that  she  was  going  to 
buy  a  silk  gown  with,  she  would  sell  for  money  and  send  it  to 
the  Kossuth  fund  in  New  York.  Uncle  Joshua  said  he  would 
sell  his  three-year  old  steers,  for  he  could  do  his  plowing  next 
summer  with  the  old  oxen,  and  send  the  money  to  you.  Cousin 
Sargent  Joel  sot  in  a  deep  study  ;  at  last  says  he,  "  I  don't 
know  as  I've  got  anything  to  send  but  that  little  piece  of  re- 
monstrance," and  he  pointed  to  his  old  rifle  that  hung  up 
against  the  wall ;  says  he,  "  I'll  send  that  over  to  Hungary  to 
shoot  the  old  Russian  Bear  if  he  comes  growling  round  agin." 
And  then  he  sot  thinking  a  minute  longer,  and  he  jumped  up 
and  smit  his  fists  together,  and  says  he,  "  No,  I  won't  send  it  ; 
ni  go  and  carry  it  myself  T  So  you  see,  dear  Governor,  there 
isn't  much  danger  but  what  you'll  get  "  something  else." 

In  the  next  place,  when  you  come  to  the  scratch,  you  want 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATK. 


355 


our  Government  and  this  whole  nation  to  hold  the  Russian 
Bear  back  and  not  let  him  meddle,  while  Hungary  and  Aus- 
tria has  a  fair  tussle.  And  you  want  we  should  give  him  fair 
warning  before-hand,  and  tell  him  he  shan't  meddle,  no  how  ; 
and,  if  we  do,  you  think  he'll  mind  us.  Maybe  he  would,  and 
maybe  he  wouldn't  ;  and  if  he  wouldn't,  what  then  ?     Then 


AID  AND  COMFORT  TO  GOVERNOR  KOSSUTH. 

you  want  us  to  go  right  at  him,  and  fight  him  down,  and  make 
him  mind,  because  it's  right  and  just  ;  and  now  we've  got  to 
be  a  great  and  powerful  nation,  it  is  our  duty  to  look  round 
and  take  care  of  the  world,  and  make  all  the  folks  do  right. 

Well,  now,  dear  Governor,  as  to  that,  I  don't  know  but  we 
aught  to  stop   and  think  about  it   a  little.     In   the  first  place, 


356  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

we  have  a  rule  here  that  "  all  just  government  derives  its 
powers  from  the  consent  of  the  governed."  So,  if  we've  got 
to  look  round  and  govern  the  world,  hadn't  we  aught  to  get 
the  world's  consent  first  ?  And,  as  you  want  to  take  hold  of 
Russia  first,  I  s'pose  she  is  the  first  one  we  aught  to  ask  con- 
sent of.  And  if  the  Russian  will  consent  that  we  shall  hold 
him  back,  we'll  hold  him  back  and  run  the  risk  of  it. 

And  in  the  next  place,  dear  Governor,  it  might  be  very  well 
for  us  to  take  care  of  the  world,  and  carry  out  the  laws  of 
nations,  and  make  everybody  do  right  everywhere,  if  there 
wasn't  no  danger  of  our  getting  more  than  our  hands  full. 
But  only  look  at  it.  Suppose,  when  Hungary  begins  her  tussle, 
the  Russian  should  show  his  teeth  and  grab  hold  of  her. 
Then  we  should  have  to  send  over  an  army  and  ships  to  help 
drive  him  back.  Then  suppose  Poland  should  start  up  and 
want  to  be  free — and  she  has  as  bloody  a  right  to  be  free  as 
any  nation  in  the  world — then  we  must  send  an  army  to  take 
care  of  Poland,  for  the  Russians  would  fight  most  awfully  there. 
And  there's  France,  too.  You  say  "  the  Government  of 
France  is  on  the  side  of  the  oppressors,  and  the  nation  of 
France  is  one  of  the  oppressed  nations."  Then,  of  course,  it 
will  be  our  next  duty  to  send  an  army  and  put  down  the  Gov- 
ernment of  France,  and  let  the  nation  go  free.  And  then, 
besides  the  East  Indies,  and  China,  and  Circassia,  and  lots  of 
other  places  that  the  geography  tells  about,  there's  a  good 
many  things  that  we  should  have  to  look  after  nearer  home. 
When  fillibusters  go  to  upset  Cuba,  we  must  send  our  ships 
and  armies  to  take  care  of  that.  And,  then,  in  Mexico  and 
South  America  there's  troubles  all  the  time  to  look  after. 

Now,  don't  you  think,  dear  Governor,  there  might  be  a 
leetle  danger  of  our  getting  our  hands  full  ?  But,  come  what 
may,  dear  Governor,  I  shall  remain,  your  friend  forever, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


OUT    OF    THK    SENATE 


357 


LETTER  LXYIII. 

PROCEEDINGS    OF    THE    DOWXINGVILLE  CONVENTION  TO    CHOOSE  A    DELE- 
GATE TO  BALTIMORE,  AND  DECIDE  ON  THE  PRESIDENCY. 

DowNiNGViLLE,  Statc  of  Maine,  Feb.  9,  1852. 
The  following-  notice  was  posted  up,  bright  and  early,  yes- 
terday morning,    on   the   mcetin'-house,    and    on   the    center 
school-tiouse,  and  on  Bill  Johnston's  store  : 


NOTICE— Democrats  Arocsb  ! 
The  Democrats  of  Downingville,  uithout  distinction  cf  party,  are  requested 


to  meet  at  tbo  center  school-bouse  to-raorrow  even 


inn".  Febriiarv  9.  at  seven 


358  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

o'clock,  to  settle  the  question  about  the  next  Presidency,  and  choose  a  Dele 
gate  to  the  Baltimore  Convention.  The  country  expects  every  Democrat  to 
do  his  duty,  and  the  whole  Democracy  of  all  parties  is  especially  requested  to 
attend.  The  interest  of  the  country  and  the  Democratic  party  is  at  stake. 
Therefore,  come  one,  come  all.  And  it  is  expected  that  every  true  Democrat 
will  leave  all  party  prejudices  at  home. 

"  By  order  of  the  Democratic  Town  Committee." 

Pursuant  to  the  above  notice,  the  largest  and  most  respect- 
able Democratic  meeting*  ever  held  in  Downingville  assembled 
at  seven  o'clock,  and  filled  the  school-house  chock  full. 

Joshua  Downing,  Esq.,  Postmaster  (Uncle  Joshua),  was 
unanimously  appointed  Chairman,  and  Mr.  Seth  Stiles  (school- 
master), was  chosen  Secretary,  Uncle  Joshua  took  the  chair, 
amid  the  cheers  of  the  meetin'.  He's  always  been  Chairman 
of  the  Democracy  this  last  thirty  years.  So  he  knew  what 
he  had  to  depend  upon,  and  come  prepared  for  it.  Aunt 
Keziah  had  combed  his  hair  all  down  smooth,  and  he  wore  his 
fur  hat  and  go-to-meetin'  coat.  The  chairman  put  on  his 
spectacles,  and  read  the  notice  calling  the  meetin',  and  says 
he,  "  Gentlemen  and  fellow-Democrats,  the  important  business 
we  have  before  us  seems  to  be  to  settle  the  question  about 
the  next  Presidency,  and  choose  a  delegate  to  Baltimore. 
As  there  is  two  branches  to  the  business,  which  shall  we  take 
hold  of  first  ?" 

Doctor  Briggs.  I  move  that  we  take  the  question  of  the 
Presidency  first,  as  that  comes  first  in  the  notice,  and  I  take 
it  that  is  the  main  question. 

Chairman.  If  that  is  your  minds,  gentlemen,  you  will 
please — 

Bill  Johnson,  (in  a  sharp,  loud  voice.)  Hold  on  there.  Squire, 
or  Mr.  Chairman,  I  should  say  ;  don't  put  that  ere  question 
yet,  for  Pve  got  something  to  say  first.  I  dont  think  that 
would  be  the  best  way  to  go  to  work.  Pve  no  notion  of 
taking  hold  of  the  poker  at  the  hot  end.     Let  us  go  to  work 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  359 

and  choose  a  Delegate  firot,  while  we  are  cool,  and  go  into 
the  Presidency  arterwards.  We  are  all  quiet  and  unanimous 
now,  and  it  is  the  largest  meeting  of  the  Democracy  that 
we've  ever  had  since  Old  Hickor^^'s  second  term.  It  looks  as 
if  the  good  Old  Hickory  times  was  coming  back  again,  and 
the  Democracy  of  the  country  will  once  more  be  on  its  legs. 
Now,  I  say,  seeing  we've  got  into  a  little  clear,  smooth  water, 
don't  let  us  rile  it.  The  next  Presidency  is  a  ticklish  ques- 
tion, and  if  we  begin  to  stir  it,  may  be  it  '11  be  hard  work  to 
see  bottom.  Therefore,  Squire,  I  move  that  we  begin  our 
business  t'other  eend  foremost  ;  and  I  move  that  we  choose 
Major  Jack  Downing  for  our  Delegate  to  Baltimore. 

Chairman.  If  that  is  your  minds,  gentlemen,  you  will 
please  to — 

Solomon  Jones,  (trader  at  the  upper  corner,  and  nateral 
enemy  to  Bill  Johnson,  trader  at  the  lower  corner.)  Mr.  Chair- 
man, I  hope  that  motion  won't  pass,  I  didn't  come  here  to  be 
ketched  in  an  Abolition  trap,  and  I  won't  be  if  I  can  help  it. 
I  don't  w^ant  no  underhand  work,  and  I  shan't  take  a  step  on 
the  road  till  I  can  read  on  the  guide-board  where  it's  going  to. 
Before  we  choose  a  delegate,  I  want  to  know  what  he  is  going 
to  do.  Let  the  work  be  chalked  out  beforehand,  and  then 
choose  the  best  man  to  do  it.  I'm  a  Democrat  of  the  Jackson 
stamp,  but  I  aint  no  Abolitionist.  I  always  went  for  Jack- 
son, and  will  always  go  for  his  successors,  as  long  as  they 
follow  in  his  footsteps.  I  always  went  for  Van  Buren  as  long 
as  he  followed  in  Jackson's  footsteps  ;  but  when  he  turned 
Abolition  I  don't  go  for  him  no  more,  nor  his  son  John  neither. 

Bill  Johnson.  Squire,  I  wish  you  to  put  my  question,  to 
choose  Major  Jack  Downing  to  Baltimore.  If  we  can't  trust 
him  as  a  good  Jackson  Democrat,  there  isn't  a  man  in  the 
United  States  that  we  can  trust.  He  was  always  the  old 
Gineral's  right  hand  man.     And  as  for  Abolition  traps,  I  wish 


360  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

Mr.  Jones's  store  was  as  free  from  rum-traps  and  gin-traps  as 
I  am  from  Abolition  traps — 

Solomon  Jones.  Mr.  Chairman,  I  call  the  gentleman  to  order. 
I  want  to  know,  before  he  goes  any  further,  whether  this  is  a 
temperance  meeting  or  a  Democratic  meeting  ? 

Bill  Johnson.  It  is  as  much  of  a  temperance  meeting  as  it 
is  an  Abolition  meeting.  If  Mr.  Jones  brings  in  Abolition,  ^ 
I've  jest  as  good  a  right  to  bring  in  temperance.  And  as  for 
traps,  sir,  if  the  gentleman  undertakes  to  talk  about  Abolition 
traps,  I'll  jest  let  him  know  the  war  can  be  carried  into  Africa. 
Yes,  sir,  the  boot  is  decidedly  on  t'other  leg.  The  trap  is  all 
on  t'other  side,  sir  ;  all  on  the  slavery  side.  I'm  a  good  Jack- 
son Democrat  ;  but  I've  no  notion  of  being  ketchei  in  a 
slavery  trap.  And  that's  why  I  want  to  send  a  delegate  to 
Baltimore  that  we  can  depend  upon,  such  as  Major  Downing  ; 
one  that'll  keep  us  out  of  the  slavery  trap.  For,  I  tell  you, 
sir,  the  South  has  got  the  slavery  trap  set  all  over  the  country, 
and  covered  with  a  good  many  pieces  of  sly  tempting  bait. 
There's  a  bit  of  nice-flavored  Buchanan  bait  here,  and  a  strong 
Cass  bait  there,  and  a  little  Douglas  bait  further  along,  and 
a  fat  Houston  bait  out  yonder,  and  on  the  middle  of  the  pan 
there's  a  mysterious  bit  of  Butler  bait,  nicely  rolled  in  meal — 
yes,  sir,  all  rolled  in  meal,  and  what's  more,  to  make  it  easy 
to  swallow,  it's  rubbed  over  with  a  little  Van  Buren  oil.  Now, 
sir,  I  don't  swallow  none  of  them  baits,  and  no  man  don't  get 
my  vote  for  President  without  he  comes  right  up  to  the  chalk 
first,  and  declares,  up  and  down,  that  he  isn't  no  slavery  man. 

Doctor  Briggs.  Mr.  Chairman,  it  seems  to  me  neighbor 
Johnson  has  got  hold  of  the  Iwi  end  of  Hit  poker  after  all,  and 
has  fairly  got  to  stirring  the  Presidency  with  it,  whether  we 
will  or  no.  So  that  my  motion  to  go  into  the  question  of  the 
Presidency  first  seems  to  be  carried  without  being  put  to  vote. 
Now,  sir,  I  am  glad  to  see  that  Mr.  Jones  and   Mr,   Johnson 


OUT   OF    THK    SENATE.  361 

agree  exactly  in  one  thing,  that  is,  that  they  wont  neither  of 
'em  move  a  step  in  the  dark,  nor  stir  an  inch  till  they  know- 
where  they  are  going  to.  Mr.  Jones  wont  vote  for  a  delegate 
till  he  knows  his  man,  and  knows  exactly  what  that  delegate 
is  going  to  do.  And  Mr.  Jonnson  wont  vote  for  a  President  till 
he  knows  his  man,  and  knows  he's  all  right,  and  isn't  no 
slavery  man, 

Solomon  Jmies.  Nor  I  wont  vote  for  no  President  till  I  know 
he's  all  right,  and  isn't  no  Abolitionist. 

John  Robinson.  Mr.  Chairman,  nor  I  wont  vote  for  no  Pres- 
ident that  isn't  a  friend  to  Cuba.  If  a  lot  of  fellers  is  a  mind 
to  go  and  help  Cuba  get  her  independence,  I  say  I  don't 
want  a  President  that'll  be  dogging  after  'em  and  stopping 
of  'em. 

Sargejit  Joel  Downing,  For  my  part,  Mr.  Chairman,  Pve 
made  up  my  mind  not  to  vote  for  any  man  for  President  that 
won't  go  for  Kossuth,  clear  up  to  the  hub,  and  stand  ready  to 
fight  the  Russian  Bear,  if  he  meddles  with  Hungary.  I  say 
freedom  is  the  right  of  everybody,  and  I  go  for  it  ;  and  I  want 
a  President  that'll  go  for  it,  too,  up  to  fifty-four  forty  and  fight, 
if  it  can't  be  got  without.  I  call  that  good  Jackson  doctrine. 
Old  Hickory  would  go  for  it  if  he  was  alive,  and  the  Democracy 
must  see  that  he  has  a  successor  that'll  go  for  it  now.  That's 
the  foundation  of  the  Democratic  principle — freedom  for  every- 
body. 

Solomon  Jones.  Freedom  for  everybody,  is  it  ?  I  want  to 
know  if  the  gentleman  means  freedom  for  the  niggers  south 
of  Mason  and  Dixon's  line  ?  If  he  does,  I  pronounce  him  a 
bloody  Abolitionist,  and  no  Democrat. 

Sargent  Joel.  I  said  freedom  for  everybody,  and  I'll  stick  to 
it.  You  can't  split  a  hair  ;  nobody  can't  split  hairs  now  Mr. 
Calhoun's  dead.  And  you  can't  split  a  principle  ;  and  I  say 
the  foundation  of  the  Democratic  principle  is  freedom  for  every- 


362  MT    THIRTY    YEARS 

body,  and  Til  stick  to  it.  And  I  want  a  President  that  will 
carry  that  principle  out  straight  on  all  sides,  in  Hungary  and 
everywhere  else.  And  when  we  choose  our  delegate  to  Bal- 
timore, I  shall  move  to  give  him  instructions  to  vote  for  a 
Kossuth  candidate  for  the  Presidency. 

Solcmon  Jones.  Then,  sir,  you  are  an  Abolitionist,  and  your 
candicTate  will  be  an  Abolitionist,  and  the  whole  South  will  be 
agin  you  ;  and  you'll  find,  if  you  can't  split  hairs,  you  can 
split  the  country,  and  the  whole  Democracy  will  be  torn  to 
flinders,  and  we  shall  loose  all  the  offices. 

Sargent  Jod.  I  don't  fight  for  offices,  I  fight  for  liberty  ; 
freedom  for  everybody  ;  that's  ray  motto. 

Dtacon  Snow.  I  feel  it  my  duty,  Mr.  Chairman,  to  caution 
our  Democratic  brethren  not  to  be  too  rash.  I  think  we  aught 
to  have  a  President  that  will  be  prudent,  and  not  get  us  into 
any  tangling  alliances  with  other  nations,  and  will  carry  out 
the  safe  neutrality  doctrines  laid  down  by  Washington. 

Doctor  Briggs.  Mr.  Ciiairman,  we  seem  to  be  going  all 
round  Robin  Hood's  barn,  but  I  don't  see  as  we  are  anywhere 
near  coming  to  the  point.  Now,  sir,  it  seems  to  me  the  way  we 
should  go  is  as  plain  as  the  road  to  mill.  Is  this  a  Democratic 
meeting?  and  are  we  all  Democrats?  That's  the  question. 
If  we  are  all  Democrats,  then  of  course  we  all  want  a  Demo- 
cratic President  ;  and  we  aught  to  fix  ourselves  on  that  point, 
and  not  be  looking;  round  for  any  other  nails  to  hang  our  hats 
on.  Therefore,  I  move  that  we  instruct  our  delegate  to  Bal- 
timore to  vote  for  a  candidate  for  President  that  is  a  stanch 
Democrat,  and  in  favor  of  all  sound  Democratic  principles. 

Chairnian.  Are  you  ready  for  that  question  ?  If  that  is 
your  minds,  gentlemen,  please — 

Solomon  Jones.  Mr.  Cheerman,  I  oppose  that  motion,  and 
before  it's  put  I  want  to  know  what  is  sound  Democratic  prin- 
ciples.    I  want  to  know  if  Abolition  is  one  of 'em  ? 


our    OF    THE    SENATE.  363 

Bill  Johnson.     And  I  want  to  know  if  slavery  is  one  of  'em  't 

Sargent  Joel.  And  I  want  to  know  if  Russia's  tramplin' 
down  Hungary  is  one  of  'em  ? 

John  Robinson,     And  I  want  to  know  if  Cuba  is  one  of  'em  ? 

Deacon  Snow.  Mr.  Chairman,  as  there  seems  to  be  some 
confusion  and  misunderstanding  about  Democratic  principles, 
and  there  don't  seem  to  be  much  chance  of  doing  anything  till 
these  matters  are  settled,  I  move  that  Squire  Downing,  our 
venerable  Chairman,  shall  make  a  plain,  full  statement  to  this 
meeting  of  all  the  sound  Democratic  principles  ;  and  then  wc 
shall  have  something  to  go  by. 

[This  was  seconded  all  round,  and  Uncle  Joshua,  coloring  a 
little,  laid  his  specs  on  the  desk,  and  got  up  out  of  his  chair.] 

Chairman.  Gentlemen  and  Democrats,  as  for  the  Dimo- 
cratic  principle,  I  view  it  is  very  important  we  should  have  a 
fair  understanding  of  it,  for  it  is  the  vital  principle  of  the 
party,  and  without  it  we  can't  hold  together.  In  the  old 
Gineral's  time,  if  my  memory  sarves  me  right,  we  had  three 
principles  to  go  by — one  was  the  Bank,  and  one  was  the 
Tariff,  and  t'other  was  the  Internal  Improvements.  That  is  to 
say,  them  was  the  principles  we  had  to  fight  agin.  Them  was 
the  Whig  principles  ;  and  the  Democratic  principle  was  to 
fight  agin  the  three  Whig  principles.  And  as  long  as  we 
stuck  to  that  we  beat,  and  got  Ihe  offices.  But  the  science 
of  politics  has  advanced  a  good  deal  in  these  latter  years, 
since  the  Gineral's  time,  and  so  many  new  principles  are 
crowded  in,  helter  skelter,  that  we  get  kind  of  confused  and 
mixed  up.  I  don't  tlrink  they  do  any  good.  Some  of  these 
new  principles,  instead  of  holding  us  together,  seem  to  be 
prett}^  likely  to  blow  us  apart  like  gun-powder.  But  the  good 
old  Jackson  principles  work  t'other  way  ;  they  hold  us  to- 
gether like  wax,  and  give  us  the  offices.  Therefore,  I  think 
we  may  safely  say  we  go  agin  the  Bank,   we  go  agin  the 


364  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

Tariff,  and  we  go  agin  Internal  Improvements.  And  I  tliink 
our  delegate  to  Baltimore  should  be  instructed  to  stand  on 
that  platform. 

Bill  Johnson.  I  move  that  we  amend  that  platform  by- 
adding  that  we  go  agin  slavery. 

Solomon  Johnson.  I  move,  Mr.  Cheerman,  that  we  amend  it 
by  adding  that  we  go  agin  Abolition. 

Sargent  Joel.  I  move  that  we  amend  it  by  adding  that  we 
go  agin  Russia. 

Chairman.  Shall  we  put  the  question  on  the  platform,  with 
the  three  amendments  added  to  it  ? 

Deacon  Snow.  Mr.  Chairman,  if  these  amendments  are 
added,  I  think  there's  a  number  of  other  amendments  that 
aught  to  be  added  besides,  particularly  the  neutrality  doc- 
trines of  Washington.  Therefore,  I  move  that  we  adjourn 
this  meeting  for  one  week,  and  that  the  whole  subject  be  re- 
ferred to  a  committee,  to  be  appointed  by  the  Chairman,  and 
that  they  report  to  the  next  meeting  a  Democratic  platform 
containing  all  the  sound  simon-pure  Democratic  principles. 

[Deacon  Snow's  motion  was  put  and  carried,  and  the  Con- 
vention adjourned.] 

Note  from  Major  Jack  Downing  to  Mr.  Gales  &  Seaton. 
My  Dear  Old  Friends  : — I've  correctified  the  minutes  of 
Secretary  Stiles,  and  send  it  to  you  to  publish,  to  let  our 
Democratic  brethren,  all  over  the  country,  know  that  we've 
made  a  rally  here  to  try  to  save  the  party  (which  you  know 
we  thought  awhile  ago  was  dead),  and  so  fur  we've  met  with 
very  encouraging  success. 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  365 


LETTER   LXIX. 

PROCEEDINGS  AT  THE  ADJOURNED  MEETING  OF  THE  DEMOCRATIC  CON- 
VENTION IN  DOWNINGVILLE,  TO  CHOOSE  A  DELEGATE  TO  BALTIMORE, 
AND  DECIDE  ON  THE  PRESIDENCY. 

DowNiNGviLLE,  State  of  Maine,  March  10,  1852. 

According  to  a  call  from  Uncle  Joshua,  the  Chairman,  posted 
up  in  the  usual  places — that  is,  on  the  meetin'-house,  and  on 
the  center  school-house,  and  on  Bill  Johnson's  store — the 
adjourned  meeting  from  February  9  was  held  this  evening  in 
the  center  school-house.  Democrats  all  on  hand,  without  dis- 
tinction of  party,  and  the  school-house  chock  full  before  seven 
o'clock.  On  taking  the  chair,  Unde  Joshua  called  the  meetin' 
to  order,  and  addressed  them  as  follers  : 

"  Gentlemen  and  feller-Democrats,  before  we  take  up  the 
business  of  the  evening,  I  feel  it  my  duty  to  say  a  few  words 
about  the  present  state  of  our  party,  and  to  lift  up  my  warn- 
ing voice  against  divisions.  If  we  can't  come  together  like 
brothers,  and  all  pull  at  one  end  of  the  rope,  we're  gone.  If 
part  pulls  at  one  end  of  the  rope,  and  part  pulls  at  t'other 
end,  the  rope  snaps,  and  we  all  tumble  head  over  heels  and 
come  to  the  ground.  So  I  hope,  feller-Democrats,  the  divisions 
and  disputes  that  broke  out  in  our  last  meetin',  February  9, 
won't  be  seen  to-night.  I  say,  feller-Democrats,  if  we  mean 
to  beat,  we  must  harmonize,  as  Mr.  Ritchie  used  to  say  ;  we 
must  harmonize.  It's  true  there's  some  pretty  hard  difiSculties 
in  our  way,  but  we  must  get  round  'em.  When  I'm  ploughing 
in  the  field  with  a  smart  team,  and  see  a  hard  stump  right  in 
the  wa3%  I  know  better  than  to  go  straight  ahead,  and  keep 
the  plough  in,  and  stick  the  plough-share  right  among  the 
roots,  and  tear  the  plough  to  pieces.     But  what  do  I  do  ?     I 


166 


MY    THIRTY    YEARS 


jest  ruu  tlic  plough  out  of  the  ground,  and  slip  round  tlie 
stump,  and  then  set  in  again,  and  go  along  as  smooth  as  ever. 
And  so  ^vhen  I'm  mowing  in  haying  time,  and  see  a  hornet's 
nest  in  the  side  of  a  stump,  or  in  a  heap  of  stones,  I  had  a 
good  deal  rather  leave  a  little  grass  standing  round  'em  than 
to  mow  up  so  close  as  to  stir  'era  up,  and  bring  the  whole 
swarm  out  round  my  cars.     Now,  I  say,  feller-Democrats,  if 


RUNNING  THE  PLOUGH  INTO  AN  ABOLITION  STUMP. 


the  Democratic  party  would  only  jest  keep  out  of  the  way  of 
stumps  and  hornets'  nests,  we  could  get  along  smooth  enough, 
and  carry  the  day  any  time.  But  if  we  are  agoing  to  run  our 
plough-share  into  every  Abolition  stump  that  stands  in  the 
way,  and  stick   our  scythe  into  every  slavery  hornets'  nest 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE*.  S6T 

that  we  come  across,  the  jig  is  up  with  us,  and  we  may  as 
well  give  up  the  farm  at  once,  and  go  oti'  to  the  Grand  Banks 
and  ketch  codfish,  for  it  would  be  no  use  for  us  to  fish  for 
offices  any  longer,  unless  we  can  harmonize. 

*'  Gentlemen,  that  distinguished  old  Democrat  of  Pennsyl- 
Tania,  Mr.  Buchanan,  lately  wrote  a  letter  to  the  Democrats 
of  Baltimore  ;  it  was  dated  the  23d  of  February  ;  it  was  a 
great  letter  ;  and  Mr.  Buchanan  is  a  great  man.  In  that 
letter  he  says  :  '  There  has  seldom  been  a  period  when  the 
Democratic  party  of  the  country  was  in  greater  danger  of 
suffering  a  def3at  than  at  the  present  moment.^  And,  gentle- 
men, a  Democratic  member  of  Congress,  from  Ohio,  Mr.  Olds, 
made  a  speech  in  the  House  the  fifth  of  this  month,  in  which 
be  says  :  '  Mr.  Chairman,  I  am  free  to  acknowledge,  as  a 
National  Democrat,  that  I  am  humiliated  at  the  bickerings 
exhibited  by  prominent  Democrats  upon  this  floor.'  Gentle- 
men, these  handwritings  on  the  wall  show  us  what  we  are 
coming  to  if  we  don't  harmonize.  Therefore,  I  hope  w^e  shall 
set  an  example  of  harmony  here  to-night  that  will  send  a 
thrill  through  the  wiiole  country,  from  Maine  to  Texas,  and 
from  the  Atlantic  to  Califorjiy.  '^ 

Uncle  Joshua  sot  down,  and  the  meetin'  give  three  cheers 
for  the  harmony  of  the  Democratic  farty. 

BUI  Johnson.  Mr.  Chairman,  I  rise  to  renew  the  motion  that 
I  made  at  the  last  meeting*,  that  we  choose  Major  Jack 
Downing  for  our  delegate  to  the  Baltimore  Convention. 

Doctor  Briggs.  My  motion  was  before  that,  Mr.  Chairman, 
which  was,  that  we  take  up  the  question  of  the  Presidency 
first.  And  I  still  think  we  aught  to  discuss  that  matter,  and 
have  a  fair  understanding  about  it,  before  we  choose  our 
delegate  to  Baltimore.  However,  in  these  times  I  go  for  har- 
mony, and  for  the  sake  of  harmony  I  withdraw  the  motion, 
and  am  ready  to  vote  on  the  delegate. 


368  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

[The  motion  was  then  put  by  the  chairman,  and  Major 
Downing  was  elected  delegate  to  Baltimore  by  the  unanimous 
voteoiihe.  Convention,  followed  by  three  cheers.] 

Chairman.  There,  feller  Democrats,  is  an  example  of  har- 
mony. That  shows  us  what  we  can  do  when  we  all  pull 
together.  If  we  can  only  make  the  Democrats  all  over  the 
country  pull  together,  we  shall  choose  our  President  jest  as 
easy  as  we  have  our  delegate. 

Doctor Briggs.  In  order  to  do  that,  Mr.  Chairman,  we  must 
fix  on  the  right  candidate.  And  I  hope  we  shall  now  have  a 
full  and  free  discussion,  lay  down  our  platform  of  Democratic 
principles,  and  then  examine  the  candidates  and  see  who  is 
the  best  man  to  stand  on  our  platform. 

Chairman.  Well,  yes,  Doctor,  you  are  about  right  in  theory, 
but  sometimes  practice,  in  order  to  get  along,  has  to  be  different 
from  theory.  I  am  an  old  Democrat,  as  you  all  know,  and 
I've  seen  how  things  has  worked  this  forty  years.  Now,  my 
own  opinion  is,  that  the  first  and  the  main  thing  is  to  pick  out 
the  man  that  we  can  elect,  and  not  bother  much  about  principles. 
It  isn't  principles  that  giV'es  us  the  ofiSces,  but  the  man  ;  and 
we  must  elect  our  man,  or  get  no  offices.  The  Dimocratic 
principles  can  be  regulated  after  we  agree  on  our  man,  for 
they  are  all  very  simple  and  plain  ;  and  the  fewer  the  better. 
In  Gineral  Jackson's  time  we  didn't  have  but  three.  One  was 
the  Bank,  and  one  was  the  Tariff,  and  one  was  Internal  Im- 
provements. Them  you  know  was  the  Whig  principles,  and 
them  was  the  ones  we  had  to  fight  agin.  And  I  don't  think 
we  can  do  any  better  than  to  stand  on  the  same  ground  now. 
I've  thought  for  some  years  past  that  all  Dimocratic  princi- 
ples might  be  reduced  down  to  one  plain  simple  principle,  and 
that  is,  to  fight  agin  the  Whigs.  That  is  the  safest  and  most 
important  principle  in  the  whole  Dimocratic  creed.  And  it  is 
one  that  is  easy  to  be  understood,  and  easy  to  rally  the  party 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  369 

upon.  The  Whigs  may  bother  about  as  many  principles  as 
they  are  a  mind  to  ;  we  no  need  to  have  but  one.  We  may 
bring  'em  all  under  one  rule,  and  that  is,  to  fight  agin  the 
Whigs.  We  are  agin  the  Bank,  and  agin  the  Tarifif,  and  agin 
Internal  Improvements,  because  them  are  Whig  doctrines. 
Now,  let  us  follow  out  the  same  rule,  and  wherever  the  Whigs 
go  for  Abolition  we  must  fight  agin  Abolition,  wherever  the 
Whigs  go  for  slavery  we  must  fight  agin  slavery.  If  we  stick 
to  this  rule  through  thick  and  thin,  and  only  stick  together^ 
there's  no  danger  ;  we  shall  carry  everything  all  afore  us. 

Doctor  Briggs.  Well,  Mr  Chairman,  I  think  there's  a  good 
deal  of  meaning  in  what  you  say.  And  I  go  for  harmony  ; 
so  I  move  we  go  according  to  your  plan,  and  pick  out  a  can- 
didate we  can  elect,  and  fix  up  the  principles  afterward  ;  for, 
jest  as  you  say,  what  good  will  the  principles  do  us  if  we 
don't  elect  our  candidate  ?  Now,  Mr.  Chairman,  as  you  are 
Postmaster,  and  have  all  the  papers  at  your  office,  and  know 
how  things  get  along,  I  move  that  you  name  over  the  candi- 
dates for  the  Presidency,  and  tell  us  how  they  stand,  so  we 
may  see  which  is  the  strongest,  and  go  in  for  him. 

Chairman.     Well,  as  to  that,   all  the   States    hasn't  put  up 

their  candidates  yet,  but  a  good  many  of  'em  has,  and  some  of 

'em  I  can  name  over.     There's  New  York,  she  puts  up   G©v- 

ernor  Marcy  ;  and  Pennsylvany  puts  up  Mr.   Buchanan  ;  and 

Michigan  puts  up  Gineral  Cass  ;  and  Kentucky  puts  up  Gin- 

eral  Butler  ;  and  Illinois  puts  up  Judge  Douglas  ;  and  Indiana 

puts  up  Gineral  Lane  ;  and  Texas  puts  up  Gineral  Houston. 

And  I  'spose  there  may  be  more  that  I  don't  think  of  now,  but 

these  is  some  of  the  foremost  ones.     The  Dimocratic  Review, 

printed  in  New  York,  that  is  thought  to  take  the  lead  in  these 

matters,  divides  these  candidates  into  two  classes,  the  old 

class  and  the  young  class  ;  or,  as  some  of  the  papers  calls  'em. 

Old   Fogies    and    Young   America.     The  Old  Fogy  class  is 
16 


370  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

Governor  Marcy,  and  Gineral  Cass,  and  Mr.  Buchanan,  and 
Gineral  Butler,  and  Gineral  Houston.  And  the  Young  America 
class  is  Judge  Douglas.  And  the  Dimocratic  I\>eview  goes  in 
decidedly  for  this  last  class. 

Deacon  Snow.     I  should  like  to  have  the  opinion  of  our  ven- 
erable chairman  about  Judge  Douglas,  as  to  whether  he's  the 
right  man  for  us,  and  whether  we  better  go  in  for  him  along- 
with  the  Dimocratic  Review. 

Chairman.  As  to  that,  I  can  only  say  Judge  Douglas  is  a 
mere  boy  yet,  only  about  forty  years  old,  and  some  folks 
thinks  he  better  tarry  at  Jericho  till  his  beard  is  grown. 
There  is  good  mettle  in  him  ;  but  let  him  wait  twenty  years 
longer,  then  maybe  it  will  do  to  begin  to  talk  about  him. 

Deacon  Snow.  That's  correct.  I  move  we  pass  over  the 
Young  America  class,  and  take  up  the  Old  Fogies. 

Chairman.  Well,  what  say  to  Governor  Marcy  ?  Our  Demo- 
cratic brethren  will  please  to  express  their  minds  freely.  In 
order  to  harmonize,  we  must  know  each  other's  opinions. 

Sargent  Joel  Downing.  I've  no  doubt,  Mr.  Chairman,  but 
what  Governor  Marcy  is  a  good  sound  sort  of  a  Dimocrat,  and 
has  done  good  service  in  the  party,  but  I  think  that  patch  on 
his  trouses  has  done  the  job  for  him  so  he'll  never  get  over  it. 
If  we  undertake  to  run  him,  we  shall  get  lick'd,  that's  all. 

Chairman.  Well,  how  will  Mr.  Buchanan  do  ?  He's  a 
strong  candidate,  and  lately  got  a  majority  in  the  Dimocratic 
Convention  of  Pennsylvany,  in  spite  of  Gineral  Cass,  who 
didn't  get  half  so  many  votes  as  he  did. 

Deacon  Snow.  The  greatest  thing  I  know  agin  Mr.  Bu- 
chanan is,  that  I've  heard  he  was  once  an  old  Federalist.  If 
that's  the  case,  I  shouldn't  like  to  vote  for  him  ;  and,  moreover, 
if  there's  the  least  taint  of  Federalism  about  him,  Mr.  Ritchie 
will  be  sure  to  fight  agin  him,  tooth  and  nail.  So  there 
wouldn't  be  no  chance  to  elect  him. 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  311 

Chairman.  Well,  there's  Gineral  Cass,  how  does  he  stand  ? 
Is  there  any  reason  why  he  wouldn't  run  well  ? 

Sargent  Joel  Downing.  Mr.  Chairman,  I  don't  want  to  be 
too  particular,  and  I  aint  hard  to  please  ;  but  Gineral  Cass, 
I  don't  think,  would  run  better  than  some  one  of  the  others. 
And,  besides,  he's  got  off  the  true  Dimocratic  platform,  and 
wouldn't  come  under  your  rule,  to  fight  agin  the  Whigs.  For  a 
year  or  two  ago  he  and  Gineral  Foote  and  some  others  went 
off  upon  a  slant  and  jined  Webster  and  Clay,  and  got  up  the 
Compromise.  We  can't  call  that  fightin'  the  Whigs,  The 
Dimocrats  have  been  a  good  deal  wrathy  about  it ;  and  it  isn't 
but  a  little  while  ago  I  see  a  Dimocratic  paper  in  Richmond, 
Virginia,  calls  'em  "  the  miserable  set  of  ragamuffins  who  got 
up  the  Union  party."  It  wouldn't  do  to  have  a  candidate  that 
the  Dimocratic  papers  can  talk  so  about.  It  wouldn't  produce 
the  right  sort  of  harmony  in  the  ranks  of  the  Dimocracy.  I 
think,  Mr.  Chairman,  we  better  go  further,  if  we  fare  worse. 

Chairman.  Well,  gentlemen,  then  there's  Gineral  Butler,  of 
Kentucky.  He's  said  to  be  a  very  safe,  careful,  sound  Dimo- 
crat ;  one  that  it  will  be  hard  to  pick  any  flaws  in.  What 
say  to  him  ? 

Bill  Johnson  [Mounting  on  a  bencli  with  two  or  three 
papers  in  his  hand].  Mr.  Chairman,  General  Butler  is  the 
worst  candidate  of  the  whole  hjt.  Gincrally  speaking,  he 
isn't  nowhere  ;  and  when  you  do  happen  to  find  him,  he  isn't 
never  in  the  right  place.  You  remember,  sir,  at  our  last 
meeting,  I  described  in  my  speech,  the  Butler  bait  as  being  all 
nicely  rolled  in  meal  and  rubbed  over  with  a  little  Van  Buren 
oil.  Well,  sir,  since  then  the  meal  has  been  shook  off  ;  the 
Van  Buren  oil  couldn't  make  it  stick.  It's  all  shook  off,  and 
shows  nothing  but  a  black  slavery  cat.  A  few  weeks  ago 
Mr.  Cabell,  of  Florida,  in  Congress  called  Gineral  Butler  a 
"mum  candidate."     That  straitened  him  out,  and  showed  his 


372 


MV    THIRTY    YEARS 


color,  and  one  of  his  friends  in  the  House  read  a  letter  from 


lim  that  showed  he  went  the  whole  hos:  in  favor  of  the 


rag. 


amuffiris'  compromise."  Sir,  I  hold  that  letter  in  my  hand,  and 
in  it  Gineral  Butler  preaches  about  the  compromise  like  a 
Methodist   minister.     He    says  :  "  It   is    as  though   a   great 


rf^,  ^ 


BILL  JOHNSON  ADDRESSING  THE  CONVENTION. 


national  altar  had  been  erected  in  our  midst,  on  which  every 
lover  of  our  common  country  is  invited  to  lay  his  offering  of 
peace,  and  to  offer  up  his  prayers  for  the  perpetuity  of  the 
Union  and  the  continuance  of  the  inestimable  blessings  which 
we   enjoy  under  its    protection."     Sir,  that   language  shows 


OUT   OF   THE    SENATE.  373 

that  be  isn't  fit  for  President  ;  it's  enough  to  turn  the  whole 
Dimocracy  agin  him.  The  great  Dimocratic  paper  in  New- 
York,  the  Evening  Post,  that  was  in  favor  of  him  awhile  ago, 
now  says  :  "  We  cannot  congratulate  him  on  the  skill  with 
which  he  is  playing  his  game  for  the  Presidency." 

And  sir,  I  have  in  my  hand  the  Dimocratic  Review,  the 
great  organ  of  our  party,  and  that  shows  Gineral  Butler  up 
in  his  true  colors.  It  says  he  isn't  nothing  nor  nobody  ; 
nothing  but  "  a  mere  beaten  horse."  It  says  the  country 
might  be  lost  "  before  Gineral  Butler  could  get  an  idea  into 
his  head,  or  a  word  out  of  it."  The  Review  says  :  "  From  his 
almost  total  lifelessness  in  public  affairs,  it  was  denied,  at 
the  last  Presidential  election,  even  in  his  own  neighborhood, 
that  he  was  a  Democrat  at  all.  *  *  *  *  ^^^  General 
Butler  went  to  the  polls  in  1848  and  voted  for  himself,  to 
prove  his  own  Democracy."  On  the  whole,  the  Review  says  : 
"  We  declare  him  made  up  of  feeble  negatives."  Mr.  Chair- 
man, I  move  we  skip  Gineral  Butler,  and  take  up  the  next. 

Deacon  Snow.  I  won't  pretend  to  say  we  can  do  anything 
with  Gineral  Butler  ;  may  be  he  is  out  of  the  question.  But 
there  is  some  reason  to  think  it  is  possible  the  Dimocratic 
Review  hasn't  exactly  done  him  justice.  I  like  to  see  fair 
play  all  round.  Mr.  Breckenridge,  a  representative  in  Con- 
gress from  Kentucky,  made  a  speech  on  the  Presidency  a 
few  days  ago — the  fourth  of  this  month,  if  I  mistake  not — 
and  he  declares  the  Dimocratic  Review  is  "  full  of  gross  mis- 
representation." I  will  read,  with  your  leave,  Mr.  Chairman, 
one  extract  from  his  speech  :  "  There  was  a  gentleman,  full 
of  talent,  full  of  activity,  a  particular  partisan  and  friend — as 
he  had  a  right  to  be — of  a  particular  gentleman  mentioned 
in  connection  with  the  Presidency.  That  gentleman  went  to 
the  State  of  Kentucky  upon  a  political  pilgrimage  last  fall, 
the  object  of  which  was,  I  suppose,  to  drive   General  Butler 


374  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

from  his  own  soil,  to  dishonor  him  at  home,  by  fastening  upon 
him  a  corrupt  political  intrigue.  But  he  failed  in  his  object  ; 
and  came  back  and  bought  up  the  Democratic  Review  for  a 
political  partisan  paper  for  the  campaign  ;  and,  with  no 
names  at  the  mast-head,  that  Review  is  now  pursuing  a 
course  as  fatal  to  the  Democratic  party  as  it  is  false  and  un- 
fair." And,  Mr.  Chairman,  the  Washington  Union,  our  great 
Dimocratic  organ  at  the  seat  of  Government,  comes  out  agin 
the  Democratic  Review  about  as  hard  as  Mr.  Breckenridge. 
Jest  hear  what  it  says  :  "  And  last,  but  not  least,  among  the 
numerous  organs  which  create  dissention  and  promote  dis- 
cord, is  the  Democratic  Review.  This  periodical,  once  so 
elevated  in  its  objects,  descends  to  the  level  of  mere  faction, 
and  opens  its  batteries  upon  all  the  prominent  members  of 
the  Democratic  party  who  happen  not  to  suit  the  taste  of  the 
editor."  The  Union  paper  goes  on  to  give  the  Democratic 
Review  a  good  drubbing.  But  as  Gineral  Butler  is  such  a 
disputed  candidate,  perhaps  we  better  pass  along  to  the  next. 

Chairman.  Well,  there's  the  old  hero  of  San  Jacinto  left, 
Gineral  Houston,  of  Texas  ;  what  say  you  to  him  ?  He's 
said  to  be  a  great  favorite  with  the  Dimocracy,  and  has  a 
good  deal  of  the  grain  of  Old  Hickory  about  him.  What's 
the  reason  we  can't  all  harmonize  upon  him  ? 

Solomon  Jones  (Trader  at  the  upper  corner).  Mr.  Chairman, 
old  Sam  Houston's  boss  can  be  curried  in  short  order,  I  can 
tell  ye.  The  fact  is,  he's  been  all  over  the  country,  giving 
temperance  lectures  and  making  temperance  speeches,  and  I 
solemnly  swear  he  never  shall  have  my  vote  as  long  as  there's 
any  strength  in  brandy.  [Great  sensation.  Deacon  Snow 
called  the  speaker  to  order.] 

Chairman.  Well,  gentlemen,  we've  been  through  all  the 
foremost  candidates,  and  there  seems  to  be  difficulties  all 
round.     I  would  call  upon  our  respected  delegate  to  Baltimore, 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  315 

Major  Downing,  wlio  has  had  a  good  deal  of  experience  in 
political  matters,  to  give  us  his  views.  Now,  he  has  seen  the 
proceedings  this  evening,  and  heard  the  Dimocracy  of  Down- 
ingville  express  their  sentiments.  I  would  ask  him  what 
course  he  will  feel  it  his  duty  to  take  when  he  gets  into  the 
Baltimore  Convention  ? 

Major  Jack  Downmg.  Mr.  Chairman  and  fellow-Democrats, 
after  returning  you  my  sincere  thanks  for  the  honor  you  have 
conferred  upon  me  this  evening,  I  beg  leave  to  state,  that 
from  the  instructions  which  I  seem  to  get  from  this  meeting 
to-niglit,  and  the  light  I  now  have  on  the  subject,  I  should 
feel  bound  to  propose  to  the  Convention  to  take  a  gineral  vote 
whether  they  will  have  a  candidate  from  the  Old  Fogy  class 
or  the  Young  America  class.  If  they  decide  in  favor  of  the 
Old  Fogies,  I  should  move  that  Governor  Marcy,  and  Mr. 
Buchanan,  and  Gineral  Cass,  and  Gineral  Butler,  and  Gineral 
Houston,  be  put  into  a  hat  and  shook  up,  and  then  the  Presi- 
dent of  the  Convention  draw  one  of  'em  out  ;  and  whichever 
come  out  first,  the  Convention  should  unanimously  agree  to 
run  him,  and  ask  no  questions.  But  if  they  should  decide  in 
favor  of  the  Young  America  class,  I  should  move  to  put  Judge 
Douglas  into  the  hat,  and  shake  him  up,  and  draw  him  out, 
and  agree  to  run  him  at  all  hazards.  [Here  three  cheers 
were  given  for  Major  Downing.] 

Chairman.  Gentlemen  and  feller-Dimocrats,  if  it  be  your 
minds  that  our  delegate.  Major  Downing,  be  instructed  to 
follow  his  own  instructions,  please  to  say  aye. 
,  [The  question  was  carried  by  a  unanimous  and  very  loud 
vote.  And  after  three  more  cheers  for  the  harmony  of  the 
Democracy,  the  meeting  adjourned.] 

Cojpy  of  the  Secretary's  minutes,  examined  and  approved  for  the 
press  by 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


376  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 


LETTER  LXX. 

THE  MAJOR  GIVES  UNCLE  JOSHUA  A  FULL    ACCOUNT    OF    THE  SEVERE  TUG 
THEY  HAD  AT  BALTIMORE  TO  NOMINATE  A  CANDIDATE  FOR  PRESIDENT. 

Baltimore,  Saturday  night,  June  5,  1852. 

To  Joshua    Douming,   Esq.,  Postmaster,  Downingvilk,    State  of 
Maine. 

Dear  Uncle  Joshua  : — The  job  is  done,  and  it's  been  about 
the  toughest  week's  work  that  ever  I  did.  I've  sweat  like  a 
tiger  all  the  week,  and  I'm  as  hungry  as  a  bear  ;  not  but 
what  there's  been  vittles  enough,  plenty  of  it,  and  good  too, 
and  a  plenty  of  liquor  too,  more  than  the  Maine  liquor  law 
could  upset  and  spill  in  six  months  ;  but  the  trouble  is,  we 
had  so  much  to  do  we  couldn't  get  time  to  eat.  I  guess  I've 
made  out  to  ketch  a  lunch  of  a  few  mouthfuls  about  twice  a 
day,  and  got  a  chance  to  sleep,  upon  an  average,  about  two 
hours  a  night,  xifter  I've  writ  this  letter  to  you,  I  mean  to 
turn  in  and  sleep  over  till  Monday,  and  then  streak  it  home 
and  help  get  up  the  mass-meeting  to  ratify  the  nomination. 
The  ratification  of  Downingville  must  be  a  roarer — you  better 
be  getting  things  ready  for  it  till  I  come.  I  wish  I  could 
give  you  some  idea  of  the  week's  work  we  have  had  here. 
I've  worked  in  the  logging  swamp,  and  know  what  'tis  to 
handle  logs,  and  pile  'em  on  the  bank,  and  roll  'em  into  the 
river  ;  and  I've  worked  on  burnt  fields  in  clearing  up,  and 
know  what  'tis  to  chop  and  pile  from  Monday  morning  till 
Saturday  night  ;  but,  I  declare  to  man,  this  has  been  the 
toughest  week  of  log-rolling  I  ever  see.  But  I  don't  begrudge 
the  work  a  bit,  we've  made  such  a  nice  job  of  it,  and  saved 
the  country.     We've  put  life  into  the  Democratic  party  again, 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  377 

that  we  thought  last  fall  was  dead  as  a  door-nail.  We've 
killed  off  Abolition  ;  we've  choked  to  death  Secession,  and 
gin  Freesoil  the  fits  ;  and  I  expect  we've  thunderstruck 
Whiggery  so  that  it'll  never  get  over  it.  We've  got  the 
Democratic  party  fairly  on  its  legs  again,  standing  on  the 
good  old  platform  that  Gineral  Jackson  left  it  on  ;  that  is, 
agin  the  Bank,  agin  the  Tariff,  and  agin  Internal  Improve- 
ments ;  and  now  we've  nothing  to  do  but  go  ahead. 

But  I  must  tell  you  something  about  the  duins.  I  couldn't 
get  in  as  one  of  the  regular  delegates  from  Maine,  because 
the  President  said  my  name  wasn't  en  the  list.  But  as  soon 
as  I  had  told  him  I  was  the  delegate  from  Downingville,  he 
took  me  by  the  hand,  and  says  he,  "  All  right,  Major  Down- 
ing, I'm  very  glad  to  see  you  here  ;  you  can  come  in  as  super- 
numerary, and  you  can  do  a  great  deal  more  good  than  if  you 
was  a  regular  delegate,  for  you  can  go  round  quietly  among 
all  the  delegates,  and  help  to  make  'em  harmonize.  There's  a 
great  deal  of  that  work  to  be  done  before  we  can  get  along, 
and  I  don't  know  of  anybody  who  can  do  more  in  that  line 
than  you.  In  fact.  Major,  if  you  hadn't  been  sent  as  a  dele- 
gate from  Downingville,  you  would  readily  be  admitted  to  take 
part  in  the  proceedings  of  the  Convention,  out  of  respect 
for  the  great  services  that  you  rendered  Gineral  Jackson  in 
the  times  that  tried  the  souls  of  Democrats."  So  I  went  right 
in  and  took  hold,  and  went  to  work.  There  was  an  awful 
jam  ;  it  seemed  almost  impossible  to  do  anything.  But  I  off 
coat,  and  elbowed  my  way  right  through  'em,  from  one  end 
of  the  hall  to  t'other  ;  and  I  pretty  soon  got  the  swing  of 
it,  so  I  could  tell  where  to  pull  and  where  to  push,  and  where 
to  put  under  the  hand-spikes  and  lift.  And  when  the  mem- 
bers got  up  to  make  speeches,  and  got  to  talking  too  much, 
or  talking  the  wrong  way,  I  knew  jest  when  to  take  hold  of 

their  coat-tails,  and  pull  'em  down  on   to    their    seats.     And 
16* 


378  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

sometimes  I  had  to  go  into  the  gallery,  too,  to  keep  the  people 
straight  up  there  ;  and  in  spite  of  all  I  could  do,  they  would 
sometimes  hoorah  and  hiss  in  the  wrong  place.  So  you  may 
judge  I've  had  my  hands  full  all  the  week.  But  I  was  deter- 
mined to  have  a  nomination,  if  I  worked  my  hands  off  up  to 
ray  elbows.  It  was  very  hard  to  get  a  nomination  this  time, 
and  if  I  hadn't  been  here,  though  I  say  it  myself,  I  don't  be- 
lieve they  would  a  got  one  at  all. 

The  first  real  hard  piece  of  sledding  we  come  across  was 
the  platform  business — that  is  to  say,  the  question  whether 
we  should  go  to  work  and  make  a  platform  first,  or  take  right 
hold  and  nominate  first.  It  was  a  knotty  question,  and  seemed 
to  bother  some  of  the  members  a  good  deal.  Mr.  Nabers,  and 
Mr.  Wise,  and  some  others,  insisted  upon  it  that  we  should 
begin  at  the  foundation,  and  make  a  platform  first  for  the 
Democratic  party  to  stand  on,  and  then  make  a  candidate  to 
fit  to  it.  No  work  would  ever  stand  well  unless  you  begin  at 
the  bottom  and  lay  a  good  foundation  first.  Here's  a  dozen 
parties  here,  every  one  fighting  for  their  particular  candidate, 
and  each  one  hoping  to  get  the  nomination.  As  long  as  that 
hope  lasts  it  will  hold  'em  all  together,  and  we  can  make  'em 
all  work  to  help  build  up  a  platform.  But  the  moment  one 
gets  the  nomination,  the  rest  will  fly  off  in  a  tangent  ;  there 
will  be  no  more  working  on  a  platform,  and  your  candidate 
will  be  left  standing  on  nothing.  ,But  Mr,  Soulc,  of  Louisiana, 
and  Governor  Floyd,  of  Virginny,  rowed  as  hard  t'other  way. 
They  declared  we  never  could  make  a  platform  first.  If  we 
undertook  to  go  to  work  upon  it  now,  every  one  of  the  dozen 
parties  would  be  pulling  and  hauling  agin  each  other,  and 
each  one  hewing  and  cutting  and  carving  to  make  the  plat- 
form to  suit  his  own  candidate.  In  that  way  we  never  could 
make  a  platform  if  we  should  work  from  the  first  of  June  to 
the  end  of  time,     The  fact  is,  the  platform  must  be  made  for 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  379 


the  country  ;  that  is,  for  the  Democratic  party,  and  not  for  a 
candidate.  As  soon  as  the  candidate  is  ketched  and  haltered, 
and  tied  to  a  stump,  we  can  all  set  down  calmly  and  work 
to^^ether,  and  make  a  platform  to  suit  the  whole  Democracy. 
Th°e  dispute  went  on  pretty  high  nearly  all  day,  and  was  got 
over  at  last  by  a  sort  of  compromise  to  have  the  platform  and 
the  nomination  both  going  on  together.  So  a  committee  of 
one  from  each  State  was  appointed  to  go  to  work  budding  the 
platform  while  the  Convention  went  on  to  nommate  ;  then,  as 
soon  as  the  candidate  was  nominated,  the  platform  could  bo 
all  ready  to  set  him  right  on  to  it. 

Then  come  the  nominating,  and  that  was  all  an  up-h,ll  bus- 
iness for  about  three  days  and  two  or  three  nights.     It  was 
found  on  the  first  pull  that  the  Old  Fogies  was  a  good  deal 
too  strong  for  Young  America,  and  if  there  hadn't  been  so 
many  Old  Fogies  in  the  field  we  should  a  got  a  candidate  the 
first  haul.     Gineral  Cass  and  Mr.  Buchanan  each  started  with 
a  very  smart  team.     Mr.  Cass  was  a  little  ahead,  and  he  kept 
the  lead  for  about  twenty  pulls,  and  we  thought  by  sticking 
to  him  like  wax  we  might  be  able  to  get  him  over  the  hill. 
But  his  team  begun  to  lag  after  ten  or  a  dozen  pulls,  and  now, 
at  the  twentieth  pull,  it  seemed  to  be  slowly  backing  down 
hill,  and  the  Buchanan  team   struggled  up   and   got  ahead. 
Then  we  thought  we  better  hitch  on  to  Buchanan,  and  may  bo 
we  might  fetch  him  over  the  hill.    We  spurred  up  for  a  few 
pulls  pretty  well,  but  didn't  get  near  to  the  top  before  the 
Buchanan  team  got  stuck,  and  then  begun  to  back  down  hill, 
and  all  we  could  do  we  couldn't  start  it  ahead  again.    But 
the  Cass  team,  which  had  backed  almost  down  to  the  bottom 
of  the  hill,  after  resting  and  breathing  a  little,  now  took  a 
fresh  start  to  come  up.     At  that  we  hitched  on  again  and  de- 
termined if   possible   to    shove  him    over    this    time.    We 
whipped,  and  spurred,  and  pulled,  and  pushed,  and  hollered, 


THE  GREAT  TUG  AT  THE  NOillXATION  OF  GENERAL  PIERCE. 


(380) 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  381 

and  screamed,  and  the  team  hauled  well.  The  old  ox  bows 
creaked,  and  we  begun  to  think  we  should  reach  the  top. 
But  when  we  got  about  two-thirds  the  way  up,  the  team  got 
stuck  agin  ;  and  though  it  took  eight  or  ten  smart  pulls  after 
this,  it  didn't  get  any  higher,  but  every  time  backed  down  a 
little. 

It  was  pretty  clear  after  this  that  it  was  gone  goose  with 
the  Old  Fogies.  We  hadn't  no  hopes  of  'em  any  longer.  If 
the  Cass  and  the  Buchanan  teams  could  a  been  hitched 
together,  they  would  a  walked  over  the  hill  as  easy  as  a  cat 
could  lick  her  ear.  But  there  was  so  much  quarreling  among 
the  drivers  that  this  couldn't  be  done.  Every  driver  was 
proud  of  his  own  team,  and  would  stick  to  it  and  have  nothing 
to  do  with  t'other.  The  Yirginny  delegation  went  out  a  good 
many  times  to  .consider  of  it  and  make  up  their  minds,  and 
every  time  they  come  in  they  marched  right  up  and  took  their 
stand  by  the  Buchanan  team.  They  stuck  to  that  team  with- 
out flinching  for  thirty-three  steady  pulls  ;  and  for  the  last  ten 
or  fifteen  pulls  I  couldn't  think  of  nothing  else  but  "old  Vir- 
ginny  never  tire."  But  there  was  a  good  many  others  stuck 
it  out  full  as  long,  and  some  a  good  deal  longer  than  old  Vir- 
ginny,  before  they  gin  up.  We  trie!  a  few  pulls  with  the 
Marcy  team  and  a  few  with  the  Butler  team,  but  it  was  no 
go.  We  became  satisfied  there  wasn't  an  Old  Fogy  in  the 
field  who  could  ever  reach  the  top  of  the  bill.  We  begun  to 
look  round  now  to  see  how  Young  America  was  getting  along. 

The  Douglas  team  was  made  up  mostly  of  j^oung  steers  ; 
and  it  was  a  pretty  smart  team,  well  trained,  and  pulled  well. 
But  it  wasn't  equal  to  the  Old  Fogies  for  a  heavy  pull  ;  it 
hadn't  so  much  bone,  and  sinew,  and  wind,  and  bottom.  How- 
somever,  it  made  a  pretty  good  scratch  of  it,  and  kept  gaining 
gradually  up  the  hill  ;  so  we  thought  we  would  take  hold  and 
give  Young  America  a  boost,  and  see  if  we  couldn't  get  a 


382  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

candidate  that  way.  To  tell  the  truth,  we  bngnn  to  feel 
rather  streaked  for  fear  we  shouldu't  get  a  candidate  at  all, 
and  felt  willing  to  hitch  on  to  most  anything.  But  the  best 
we  could  do  with  Young  America,  we  couldn't  get  only  about 
half  way  up  the  hill  before  the  steers  begun  to  back  down 
agin,  and  we  see  'twas  no  use,  they  couldn't  come  it.  Well, 
there  we  was,  all  in  a  fix.  We  couldn't  see  no  other  chance  ; 
we'd  got  to  go  without  a  President  because  we  couldn't  nomi- 
nate a  candidate.  One  of  the  members  actually  fainted  away 
here,  and  all  of  us  felt  a  good  deal  womblecropt  and  down  in 
the  mouth.  But  "  old  Virginny  never  tire,"  and  when  we  was 
all  hitchin  on  round  for  the  thirty-fifth  pull,  old  Virginny 
marched  into  the  field  with  a  bran  new  team.  Everybody 
stared,  and  cried  out,  "  What  team  is  that  ?  What  team  is 
that  ?"  And  when  they  heard  the  answer,  "  The  Franklin 
Pierce  team,  of  New  Hampshire,"  they  wouldn't  believe  their 
own  ears.  But  it  was  a  fact,  and  Virginny  drove  that  new  team 
one  pull  all  alone.  Then  one  or  two  others  hitched  on  with 
her  and  tried  eight  or  ten  steady  pulls.  All  of  us  looked  on 
and  watched  the  working  of  that  new  team.  At  last  folks 
begun  to  make  up  their  minds  that  that  was  the  team  to  pull 
and  straighten  out  the  Democratic  traces,  and  with  proper 
help  it  might  be  got  over  the  hill.  Old  North  Caroliner  hitched 
on,  and  Georgia  hitched  on,  and  Tennessee  hitched  on,  and 
by-and-by  there  was  a  geneal  race  all  over  the  field  to  see  who 
should  hitch  on  first.  It  didn't  make  no  odds  who.  Old  Hunk- 
ers and  Barnburners,  and  Free  Silers  and  Abolition,  and  Union 
and  Secession,  and  State-Rights,  and  Old  Fogies  and  Young 
America,  all  run  belter  skelter  and  hithed  on  to  the  Pierce 
team.  That  team,  I  tell  ye,  went  up  the  hill  like  smoke. 
Some  of  the  States  run  till  they  was  almost  out  of  breath  for 
fear  they  shouldn't  hitch  on  before  the  team  got  to  the  top  of 
the  hill.     But  they  all  made  out  to  hook  on,  and  every  State 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  383 

was  "  in  at  the  death,"  and  ready  to  jine  in  the  general 
hoorah. 

After  this,  we  hadn't  no  more  difficulty  ;  everything  went 
as  regular  as  clock-work.  The  master  told  us  we  had  read 
and  spelt  well,  and  we  might  all  go  out  till  four  o'clock.  So 
we  went  out  and  took  a  little  bit  of  a  spree,  and  then  come 
in  and  took  hold  and  worked  jest  like  brothers,  and  hauled 
Mr.  Kiug  right  up  to  the  top  of  the  hill  in  two  pulls,  and  made 
him  Vice-President. 

Then  the  committee  brought  in  the  new  platform,  and  we 
all  danced  on  it.  In  the  crowd  and  confusion  we  couldn't  see 
what  it  was  made  of  ;  but  we  was  told  it  went  agin  the  Bank, 
and  agin  the  Tariff,  and  agin  Internal  Improvements,  and  was 
a  first-rate  platform  ;  so  we  all  jumped  on,  and  said  it  couldn't 
be  no  better. 

P.  S. — I've  telegraphed  to  Gineral  Pierce  to  save  the  Down- 

ingville  Post-Office  for  you  ;  so  you  may  feel   easy  on  that 

score. 

I  remain  your  loving  nephew, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LXXI. 

SHOWING  HOW  THE  MAJOR  PERSUADED  UNCLE  JOSHUA  TO  TAKE  HOLD 
AND  HELP  ELECT  GENERAL  PIERCE  TO  THE  PRESIDENCY,  AND  HOW 
DOWNINGVILLE  RATIFIED  THE  NOMINATION. 


In  the  State  of  Maine,  July  20,  185 


f 


DowNiNGviLLE,  Away  Down  East, 
Intl 

Mr.  Gales  and  Seaton — 

My  Dear  Old  Friends  : — We've  made  out  to  ratify  at  last  ; 
but  it  was  about  as  hard  a  job  as  it  was  for  the  Baltimore 
Convention  to  nominate.     And  I'm  afraid  the  worst  on't  ain't 


384  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

over  yet  ;  for  Uncle  Joshua  shakes  his  head  and  says  to  me, 
in  a  low  tone,  so  the  rest  shan't  hear,  "Between  you  and  me, 
Major,  the  'lection  will  be  a  harder  job  still."  I  put  great 
faith  in  Uncle  Joshua's  feelins.  He's  a  regular  political 
weather-glass,  and  can  always  tell  whether  we  are  going  to 
have  it  fair  or  foul  a  good  ways  ahead.  So  when  he  shakes 
his  head,  I  naterally  look  out  for  a  tough  spell  of  weather. 
When  I  got  home  from  Baltimore,  says  I,  "  Well,  Uncle 
Joshua,  you  got  my  letter  in  the  Intelligencer,  didn't  you  ?" 
And  says  he,  "  Yes." 

"  Well,  didn't   we  do  that  business  up  well  ?"   says  I. 

"  I  don't  know  about  that,"  said  Uncle  Joshua  ;  "  I  have 
my  doubts  about  it." 

"  Why,  don't  3^ou  think,"  says  I,  "  the  nomination  of  Gineral 
Pierce  will  put  the  Democratic  party  on  its  legs  again,  and 
giv^e  it  a  fine  start  ?  " 

Uncle  Joshua  looked  up  to  me  kind  of  quizical,  and  says  he, 
"  It  has  gin  tlie  party  a  pretty  considerable  of  a  start  already, 
it  come  so  unexpected."  And  then  he  sot  as  much  as  two 
minutes  drumming  his  finger  on  the  table,  and  didn't  say 
nothin'. 

And  then  he  looked  up  again,  and  says  he,  "  Major,  who  is 
General  Piercel^^     It  ain't  afidious  name,  is  it  ?" 

"  Why,  Uncle  Joshua,"  sa^'s  I,  *'  how  you  talk  I  It  is 
Gineral  Franklin  Pierce,  of  New  Hampshire." 

"  Gineral  Franklin  Pierce,  of  New  Hampshire,  is  it  ?"  says 
he.  "  Well,  now,  Major,  are  you  sure  there  is  such  a  person, 
or  did  somebody  play  a  hoax  on  the  Baltimore  Convention  ?" 

"  Yes,"  says  I,  "  Uncle,  I'm  as  sure  of  it  as  I  am  that  there 
is  such  a  person  as  Uncle  Joshua  Downing.  To  make  all  sure 
of  it  and  no  mistake,  I  come  through  New  Hampshire,  and 
went  to  Concord,  where  they  said  he  lived,  and  inquired  all 
about  it.     The  neighbors  there  all  knew  him  perfectly  well, 


OUT    OF    THE    SEXATR,  385 

and  showed  me  the  house  he  lives  in.  He  wasn't  at  home,  or 
I  should  a  seen  him  myself,  and  should  got  his  promise  to 
keep  the  Downing-ville  Post-Office  for  you.  But  you  needn't 
be  afraid  but  what  you'll  have  it,  for  I  sent  a  telegraph  to 
him  from  Baltimore,  as  soon  as  he  was  nominated,  to  keep  it 
for  you." 

Here  I  see  by  the  looks  of  Uncle  Joshua's  eyes  that  he  begun 
to  get  hold  of  some  new  ideas.  Says  he,  "  Well,  Major,  it 
is  a  fact,  then,  is  it,  that  he  was  nominated  in  real  earnest, 
and  'twasn't  no  joke  ?" 

"  Upon  my  word  and  honor,"  says  I,  "  there  isn't  a  particle 
of  joke  about  it — it  was  all  done  in  real  arnest." 

"  Well,  then,  if  you've  really  got  a  candidate,"  says  Uncle 
Joshua,  "  I  should  like  to  know  something  about  him.  Does 
he  belong-  to  the  Old  Fogy  class  or  Young  America  class  ?  " 

"  I  guess  about  half  and  half,"  says  I,  "  and  he'll  be  ail  the 
stronger  for  that,  because  he  can  draw  votes  on  both  sides." 

"  After  all,"  says  he,  "  I'm  afraid  it's  a  bad  nomination. 
Them  old  pillars  of  the  Democratic  party,  Giueral  Cass,  and 
Mr.  Buchanan,  and  Governor  Marcy,  and  Gineral  Houston, 
and  the  rest,  will  feel  so  insulted  and  mortified  at  being 
pushed  aside  for  strangers  to  take  the  lead,  that  they'll  all 
be  agin  the  nomination,  and  their  friends,  too,  and  that'll  up- 
set the  whole  kettle  of  fish." 

"  Don't  you  never  fear  that.  Uncle  Joshua,"  says  I  ;  "  them 
old  pillars  that  you  speak  of  are  all  very  much  tickled  with 
the  nomination.  Ye  see,  it  broke  the  nose  of  Young  America, 
and  they  was  delighted  with  it.  As  soon  as  the  nomination 
was  out  of  the  mould,  before  it  had  time  to  cool,  they  all  tele- 
graphed right  to  Baltimore  that  nothin'  in  the  world  could 
have  happened  to  suit  'em  better  ;  it  was  a  most  excellent 
nomination,  and  they  felt  under  everlasting  obligations  to  the 
Baltimore  Convention.     You  needn't  have  no  fears  that  they'll 


386  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

feel   any  coldness   towards   the  nomination.     They'll  turn  to 
and  work  for  it  like  beavers." 

"  Well,  how  is  it,"  said  Uncle  Joshua,  "  about  that  boy  can- 
didate for  the  Presidency  that  they  call  Young  America  ?  If 
his  nose  is  knocked  out  of  joint  he'll  of  course  oppose  the 
nomination,  tooth  and  nail." 

"  There's  where  you  are  mistaken  again,  Uncle  Joshua," 
says  I.  "  On  the  contrary,  he  goes  for  it  hotter  than  any  of 
'em  ;  and  he  telegraphed  back  to  Baltimore,  as  quick  as 
lightning  could  carry  it,  that  the  nomination  was  jest  the 
thing  ;  it  couldn't  be  no  better.  Ye  see,  he  looks  upon  it  in 
the  light  that  it  chokes  off  all  the  Old  Fogies,  and  leaves  the 
field  clear  for  him  next  time.  He  thinks  so  highly  of  the 
nomination,  and  feels  so  patriotic  about  it,  the}^  say  he  is 
going  to  stump  it  through  all  the  States,  and  make  speeches 
in  favor  of  Gineral  Pierce's  election.  You  may  depend  upon 
it.  Uncle  Joshua,  we'v^e  got  a  very  strong  nomination — one 
that'll  carry  all  afore  it — and  everybody  is  delighted  with  it, 
and  everybody's  going  to  go  for  it.  I  didn't  expect  you  to 
hold  back  a  moment.  I  thought  you  would  have  things  all 
cut  and  dried  for  a  rousin'  ratification  meeting  by  the  time  I 
got  home  " 

"  Well,  you  know.  Major,"  said  Uncle  Joshua,  "  I  always 
follow  Colonel  Crockett's  rule,  and  never  go  ahead  till  I  know 
Pra  right.  How  foolish  we  should  look  to  call  a  ratification 
meeting  here  in  Downingville,  and  be  voted  right  plump 
down.  You  know  the  Free-Soilers  are  very  strong  among  us  ; 
they  are  strong  in  all  the  Northern  States.  And  you  know 
the  Baltimore  Convention  fixed  up  a  platform  to  stand  on, 
that's  all  in  favor  of  the  Compromise  and  the  Fugitive  law, 
and  is  dead  set  agin  the  Free-Soilers.  Now,  Major,  you  must 
have  more  understanding  than  to  think  the  Free-Soilers  will 
ever  swallow  that  platform  ;  and  if  they  don't,  we  are  dished." 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  387 

"  You  are  wrong  again,  Uncle  Joshua,"  says  I,  "  for  the 
biggest  Free-Soiler  in  all  America  swallowed  it  right  down, 
and  didn't  make  a  wry  face  about  it." 

"  Who  do  you  mean  ?"  says  he. 

"  I  mean  Mr.  John  Van  Buren,"  says  I. 

"But  you  don't  mean,"  says  Uncle  Joshua,  "that  Mr.  John 
Van  Buren  accepts  this  platform,  and  is  willing  to  stand 
on  it." 

"  Yes  I  do,  exactly  so,"  says  I,  "  for  he  got  right  up  in 
Tammany  Hall  and  made  a  speech  about  it  ;  and  he  said  he 
would  go  the  nomination,  and  he'd  stand  the  platform  ;  at  all 
events,  he'd  stand  the  platform  for  this  election,  anyhow.  You 
needn't  be  at  all  afraid  of  the  Free-Soilers,  Uncle  ;  they  ain't 
so  stiff  as  you  think  for,  and  they  are  as  anxious  to  get  the 
offices  as  anybody,  and  will  work  as  hard  for  'em.  Now  let 
us  go  to  work  and  get  up  our  ratification,  and  blow  it  out 
straight.  The  Democracy  of  the  country  expects  Downing- 
ville  to  do  its  duty." 

"  Well,  Major,"  says  Uncle  Joshua,  "  you've  made  out  a 
better  case  than  I  thought  you  could.  I'm  willing  to  take 
hold  and  see  what  we  can  do.  But  I  declare  I  can't  help 
laughing  when  I  think  it's  Gineral  Franklin  Pierce,  of  New 
Hampshire,  that  we've  got  to  ratify.  I  wish  we  knew  some- 
thing about  him  ;  something  that  we  could  make  a  little  flus- 
teration  about,  and  wake  up  the  Democracy." 

"  Good  gracious.  Uncle  Joshua,^'  says  I,  "  have  you  been 
Postmaster  of  Downingville  this  twenty  years,  and  always 
reading  the  papers,  and  don't  know  that  Gineral  Pierce  was 
one  of  the  heroes  of  the  Mexican  war  ?" 

At  that,  Uncle  Joshua  hopped  out  of  his  chair  like  a  boy, 
and  says  he,  "  Major,  is  that  a  fact  ?" 

"  Yes,"  says  I,  "  'tis  a  fact.  You  know  Mr.  Polk  sent  me 
out  there  as  a  private  ambassador  to  look  after  Gineral  Scott 


388 


MY   THIRTY   YEARS 


and  Mr.  Trist.  And  Gineral  Pierca  was  out  there  ;  I  knew  all 
about  it,  and  about  his  getting  wounded." 

"  Good  !"  says  Uncle  Joshua,  snapping  his  fingers  ;  "  tlfat's 
lucky,  then  we've  got  something  to  go  upon  ;  something 
that  the  boys  can  hoorah  about.  And  if  we  don't  have  too 
strong  a  team  agin  us  we  may  carry  the  day  yet.  Who  do 
you  think  the  other  party  will  put  up  ?" 

"  Well,"  says  I,  "  it's  pretty  likely  to  be  Mr.  Webster  or 
Mr.  Fillmore,  and  they  can't  either  of  'em  hold  a  candle  to 
Gineral  Pierce." 

"  Of  course  not,"  says  Uncle  Joshua,  "  if  he  was  the  hero  of 
the  Mexican  war.  I  s'pose  it  was  Gineral  Scott's  part  of  the 
war  that  he  was  in,  because  that's  where  you  was.  Which 
of  the  battles  did  he  fight  the  bravest  in,  and  mow  down 
most  of  the  Mexicans  ?  Did  he  help  storm  that  Gibralta 
castle  at  Vera  Cruz  ?" 

"  No,"  says  I,  "  that  little  matter  was  all  over  before  Gin- 
eral Pierce  got  to  Mexico." 

"  Well,  the  great  battle  of  Oerro  Gordo  come  next,"  said 
Uncle  Joshua  ;  "  I  dare  say  Gineral  Pierce  was  foremost  in 
marching  up  that  bloody  Bunker  Hill  and  driving  off  Santa 
Anna  and  his  fifteen  thousand  troops." 

"Pm  sure  he  would  a  been  foremost,  if  he'd  been  there," 
says  I,  "  but  he  hadn't  got  into  the  country  yet,  and  Gineral 
Scott  wouldn't  wait  for  him.  It  seems  as  if  Gineral  Scott  is 
always  in  a  hurry  when  there  is  any  fightin'  to  do,  and  won't 
wait  for  nobod3^" 

"  Well,  the  next  great  battle,  if  I  remember  the  newspapers 
right,"  said  Uncle  Joshua,  "  was  Contreras  ;  and  after  that 
came  the  bloody  and  hot  times  of  Cherubusco,  and  the  King's 
Mill,  and  Chepultepec,  and  marching  into  the  City  of  Mexico. 
These  was  the  battles,  I  s'pose,  where  Gineral  Pierce  fit  like 
a  lion,  and  became  the  hero  of  the  Mexican  war.     But  which 


OUT   OF   THE    SENATE.  389 

battle  did  he  shine  the  brightest  in,  and  cut  down  most  of  the 
enemy  ?" 

"  Tbe  truth  is,"  says  I,  "he  got  wounded  at  Contreras,  and 
so  wasn't  able  to  take  a  part  in  them  bloody  affairs  of  Cheru- 
busco,  King's  Mill,  and  Chepul tepee." 

"  Then  he  was  in  the  battle  of  Contreras,"  said  Uncle  Joshua, 
"  and  that  can't  be  disputed  ?" 

**  0  yes,"  says  I,  "  he  certainly  was  in  the  first  part  of  it, 
when  they  was  getting  the  battle  ready,  for  there's  where  he 
got  wounded." 

"  Good,"  said  Uncle  Joshua,  "  he  was  in  one  battle,  and  got 
wounded  ;  that's  enough  to  mak  a  handle  of,  anyhow.  Where- 
abouts was  his  wound  ?" 

"  Well,  he  had  several  hurts,"  said  I  ;  "I  believe  in  his 
foot  and  ancle,  and  other  parts." 

"  Rifle  balls  ?"  said  Uncle  Joshua,  very  earnest. 

"  0  no,  nothing  of  that  kind,"  says  I. 

"  What  then  ;  sword  cuts  ?  Or  did  the  Mexicans  stick 
their  bayonets  into  him  ?" 

"  No,  no  •,  nothin'  of  that  kind,  nother,"  says  I. 

"  Then  it  must  be  grape  or  bombshells,"  said  Uncle  Joshua, 
"  how  was  it  ?" 

"  No,  no,  'twasn't  none  of  them  things,"  says  I.  "  The  fact 
was,  when  they  was  skirmishing  round,  getting  ready  for  the 
battle,  his  horse  fell  down  with  him  and  lamed  him  very  bad." 

Uncle  Joshua  colored  a  little,  and  sot  and  thought.  At 
last  he  put  on  one  of  his  knowing  looks,  and  says  he,  "  Well, 
Major,  a  wound  is  a  wound,  and  we  can  make  a  handle  of 
it  without  being  such  fools  as  to  go  into  all  the  particulars 
of  how  he  came  by  it.  I  say  let's  go  ahead  and  ratify  Gin- 
eral  Pierce,  and  wlio  knows  but  what  we  can  make  something 
out  of  this  Mexican  business  ?" 

Well,  Mr.  Gules  and  Seaton,  the  thing  was  done.     We  rati- 


;90 


MY   THIRTY    YEARS 


fied  on  the  21st  of  June,  in  the  evening,  and  it  was  a  tall 
piece  of  business.  AVhen  I  begun,  I  meant  to  give  you  a  full 
account  of  it,  with  some  of  the  speeches  and  resolutions  ;  but 
I've   made    my    preamble  so   long  that    I  can't  do    it    in  this 


THE  DOWNIXGVILLE  TORCH-LIGHT  PROCESSION. 


letter.  We  had  a  torch-light  procession.  Cousin  Ephraira  took 
his  cart  and  oxen,  and  went  into  the  woods  and  got  a  whole 
load  of  birch-bark  and  pitch-pine  knots,  and  all  the  boys  in 
Downingville   turned  out  and   carried   torches.     The   school- 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  391 

house  was  illuminated  with  fifty  candles.  Uncle  Joshua  pre- 
sided, as  usual.  Banners  were  hung-  round  the  room,  with 
large  letters,  giving  the  names  of  all  the  great  battles  in 
Mexico  ;  and  the  enthusiasm  was  immense.  When  we'd  got 
about  through,  and  was  just  winding  up  with  three  tremen- 
dous cheers  for  the  "  Hero  of  Mexico,"  a  message  came  up  to 
Uncle  Joshua  from  the  Post-Office,  stating  that  the  telegrapli 
had  just  brought  news  that  the  Whig  Convention  at  Balti- 
more had  nominated  Gineral  Scott  for  President.  It  gin  the 
whole  Convention  the  cold  shuggers  in  a  minute.  Uncle 
Joshua  looked  very  serious,  and  says  he,  "  Feller-Democrats, 
to  prevent  any  mistakes,  I  think  you  had  better  give  them 
three  last  cheers  over  again,  and  put  in  the  name  of  Gineral 
Pierce."  So  we  did,  and  gin  three  rousin  cheers  for  Gineral 
Franklin  Pierce,  of  New  liamjpshire,  the  Hero  of  Mexico. 

Downingville   is    wide    awake,  and    will    do   her    duty    in 
November. 

So  I  remain  your  old  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER   LXXII. 

SHOWING  HOW  UNCLE  JOSHUA  AND  THE  MAJOR  STUCK  TO  GENERAL 
PIERCE,  AND  HOW  SARGENT  JOEl's  HURRAHS  FOR  GENERAL  SCOTT 
CAME  NEAR  LOSING  THE  ELECTION. 

Downingville,  State  of  Maine,  Sept.  18,  1852. 
Mr.  Gales  &  Seaton — 

My  Dear  Old  Friends  : — I  wish  I  had  better  news  to  write 
to  you.  Pm  pesky  afraid  Gineral  Scott  is  coming  in.  And, 
arter  all,  I  don't  know  why  I  should  feel  so  much  afraid  of  it, 
especially  on  my  own  account,  for  I  don't  s'pose  he's  a  very 


392  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

bad  man.  But  I  feel  bad  for  Uncle  Joshua.  His  whole  heart 
is  bound  up  in  the  Post-Office,  and  if  he  should  lose  it,  Vm 
afraid  it  would  almost  be  the  death  of  him.  He's  had  it  now 
more  than  twenty  years,  and  he's  more  fond  of  it  because  it 
was  give  to  him  by  dear  old  Gineral  Jackson.  He  loves  it 
now  like  one  of  his  own  family  ;  and  I  think  it  would  be  about 
the  hardest  one  of  the  family  for  him  to  part  with,  unless  'tis 
Aunt  Keziah.  If  he  should  lose  ary  one  of  'em,  that  is.  Aunt 
Keziah  or  the  Post-OflSce,  I  know  it  would  break  his  heart. 
And  that's  what  makes  me  feel  so  bad  at  the  turn  things  has 
took  down  this  way  in  favor  of  Gineral  Scott.  If  any  way 
could  be  contrived  to  keep  Uncle  Joshua  in  the  Post-Oflfice,  I 
wouldn't  care  a  snap  if  Gineral  Scott  did  come  in.  And  I 
guess  there's  a  good  deal  of  the  same  sort  of  feelin'  amongst 
a  good  many  of  the  Democracy.  I'll  just  give  you  a  sample 
of  it  : 

There's  Cousin  Sargent  Joel,  he  can't  live  without  hurrahing 
for  somebody  as  much  as  two  or  three  times  a  day.  He  got 
in  a  habit  of  it  in  Old  Hickory's  time,  and  he  couldn't  leave  it 
off  since.  Two  or  three  weeks  ago  Uncle  Joshua  and  I  was 
in  the  barn,  planning  a  little  about  getting  out  the  voters  to 
the  election,  when  all  at  once  we  heard  somebody  back  of  the 
barn  holler,  with  all  his  might,  "  Hurrah  for  Gineral  Scott." 
We  both  started  and  run  round  the  corner  of  the  barn  as  fast 
as  we  could,  and  who  should  we  see  there  but  Cousin  Sargent 
Joel,  standing  on  a  stump,  swinging  his  hat  all  alone,  and 
hollering,  at  the  very  top  of  his  voice,  "  Hurrah  for  Gineral 
Scott."  Uncle  Joshua  looked  as  cross  as  thunder,  and  Cousin 
Joel  colored  a  little  as  soon  as  he  see  us,  but  he  swung  his 
hat  again,  and  sung  out,  once  more,  "  Hurrah  for  Gineral 
Scott,  and  I  don't  care  who  hears  it." 

"  What's  that  you  say  ? "  said  Uncle  Joshua. 

"  I  say,  hurrah  for  Gineral  Scott,  and  I  don't  care  who  hears 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE. 


393 


it,"  says  Cousin  Joel,  putting  on  his  hat,  and  jumping  off  the 
stump. 

"  Well,    this   is    a   pretty  piece   of  business,"   said   Uncle 
Joshua,   "  setting  such   examples  as  this  to  the  neighbors. 


SARGENT  JOEL  HURRAHS  FOR  GENERAL  SCOTT. 


There's  many  a  word  spoke  in  jest  that's  turned  into  arncst 
before  it's  done  with  ;  and  you  ought  to  be  careful  how  you 
set  such  hurrahs  agoin.  If  you  once  get  'em  started  there's 
no  knowing  what'U  be  the  end  on't." 

n 


394  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

"  I  don't  much  care  what'll  be  the  end  on't,"  said  Cousin  Joel. 

"  Why,  Joel,  what  do  you  mean?"  said  Uncle  Joshua  ;  "if 
you  are  going-  to  turn  Whig,  say  so,  and  let  us  put  you  out 
of  the  synagogue  at  once,  and  be  done  with  it.  I  want  a 
plain,  right  up  and  down  answer,  are  you  going  for  Gineral 
Pierce  or  not  ? " 

"  I  s'pose  I  shall,"  said  Cousin  Joel. 

"  Then,  why  in  the  name  of  common  sense  don't  you  hurrah 
for  him?"  said  Uncle  Joshua,  "and  try  and  get  up  some 
enthusiasm.  You  ought  to  be  ashamed  to  throw  your  hurrahs 
away  on  t'other  side." 

"  Now,  Uncle  Joshua,  I'll  tell  you  what  'tis,"  said  Sargent 
Joel,  straightening  himself  up  jest  as  he  used  to  at  the  head 
of  the  company  in  Nullification  times,  says  he,  "  I'll  tell  you 
what  'tis,  Uncle  Joshua,  I'm  willing  to  vote  for  Gineral 
Pierce  to  help  you  to  keep  the  Post-Office,  and  I  mean  to  ;  but 
you  needn't  ask  me  to  hurrah  for  him,  for  I  can't  stand  no  such 
tom-foolery  as  that.  I've  tried  it,  and  it  won't  go,  no  how.  It 
makes  me  feel  so  much  like  digging  small  potatoes  and  few 
in  a  hill.  But  when  I  get  right  hungry  for  a  hurrah,  I  give  it 
to  Gineral  Scott,  and  I  find  there's  refreshment  and  nourish- 
ment in  that,  something  like  real  meat  ;  it  makes  me  feel  as 
it  used  to  when  we  gin  the  loudest  hurrahs  for  Gineral 
Jackson." 

Uncle  Joshua  turned  away,  looking  rather  down  in  the 
mouth,  and  saying,  "  he  didn't  know  what  the  world  was 
coming  to." 

As  near  as  I  can  find  out,  there's  a  great  many  Dimocrats 
in  this  State,  and  other  places  too,  that's  in  the  same  fix  as 
Cousin  Sargent  Joel  Downing  ;  they've  tried  to  hurrah  for 
Gineral  Pierce,  and  can't.  Over  to  the  raisin  of  Squire 
Jones'  barn,  'tother  day,  arter  they  all  got  through,  Squire 
Jones,  who  is  a  great  Democrat,  called  out,  "  Now  let  us  give 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  395 

three  cheers  for  Gineral  Pierce."  As  quick  as  a  look,  they 
all  swung  their  hats,  and  about  three-quarters  of  'em  sung  as 
loud  as  they  could  holler,  "  Hurrah  for  Gineral  Cass."  At  that, 
Squire  Jones  flew  in  a  rage,  and  told  'era  they  was  traitors  to 
the  party,  and  no  true  Democrat  would  hurrah  for  anj^body  but 
Gineral  Pierce.  That  touched  the  dander  of  the  rest  of  'em, 
and  about  twenty  swung  their  hats  and  cried  out  lustily, 
"  Hurrah  for  Gineral  Scott,"  and  asked  Squire  Jones  if  he 
liked  that  any  better. 

These  things  has  kept  Uncle  Joshua  very  uneasy  along 
back,  and  before  our  State  election,  which  came  along  last 
Monday,  he  got  quite  narvous  :  and  he  aint  no  better  yet. 
We've  been  in  quite  a  state  of  conboberation  all  the  week, 
trying  to  find  out  how  the  election's  gone,  but  it's  a  hard  sum 
to  work  out.  I  went  over  this  morning  to  help  Uncle  Joshua 
figure  up.  He  was  setting  to  the  table  with  his  spectacles 
on,  and  the  papers  spread  all  round  him,  and  a  pen  in  his  hand, 
and  a  dark  scowl  on  his  brow.  He  was  thinking  so  hard  he 
didn't  seem  to  know  when  I  come  in.  Says  Aunt  Keziah,  says 
she,  "  Pm  dreadful  glad  you've  come  in.  Major  ;  your  uncle 
will  make  himself  sick  working  over  them  figures." 

Says  I,  "  Well,  Uncle  Joshua,  how  are  we  coming  out  ?" 

"  Pm  afraid  we  are  coming  out  at  the  little  end  of  the  horn, 
Major,"  said  Uncle  Joshua,  and  he  looked  up  over  his  specta- 
cles so  pale  and  melancholy  it  made  me  feel  bad.  Says  he, 
"  I  don't  like  the  looks  of  it  a  bit ;  the  State  is  on  the  back 
track  again  towards  Whiggery,  jest  as  'twas  when  Harrison 
came  in." 

"  Oh,  I  guess  not,"  says  I,  for  I  wanted  to  cheer  him  up  as 
much  as  I  could.  "  The  liquor  law  has  played  the  mischief 
this  election  all  round,  and  got  things  badly  mixed  up  ;  but 
if  we  sift  'em  out  carefully  we  shall  find  the  Democrats  as 
strong   as  ever."     Uncle   Joshua  shook  his   head.     Says    I, 


396  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

"  Let  US  see  the  figures.  Here's  the  returns  from  three  hundred 
towns,  all  the  State  except  some  of  the  outskirts.  Mr.  Hub- 
bard and  Mr.  Chandler,  the  two  Democratic  candidats  for 
Governor,  has  together  more  than  fifty-eight  thousand  votes, 
and  Mr.  Crosby,  the  Whig  candidate,  has  a  little  more  than 
twenty-seven  thousand.  The  Democratic  vote  is  more  than 
double  the  Whig  vote.  This  don't  look  as  though  the  State 
was  going  back  to  Whiggery." 

*•  That  don't  amount  to  nothin'  at  all,"  said  Uncle  Joshua  ; 
"  a  good  many  thousand  of  temperance  Whigs  voted  for  Hub- 
bard, and  a  good  many  rum  Whigs  voted  for  Chandler  ;  and 
when  the  Legislature  comes  to  meet  Crosby  will  stand  jest  as 
good  a  chance  to  be  chose  Governor  as  any  one  of  'em,  and 
better  too  if  the  State  goes  over  the  dam,  the  2d  of  Novem- 
ber, and  you  may  depend  it's  drifting  that  way,  or  else  I've 
forgot  how  to  cipher.  Jest  look  at  the  Legislature.  Last 
3'ear  in  the  Senate  there  was  about  five  Democrats  to  one 
Whig,  and  now  the  Whigs  have  elected  fourieen  Senators  and 
the  Democrats  only  seven,  leaving  nine  or  ten  no  choice,  or 
doubtful.  And  then  the  House  aint  much  better.  Last  year 
we  had  a  clear  majority  of  more  than  thirty,  and  now  it  don't 
look  as -though  we  should  have  more  than  ten  majority.  And 
if  the  State  goes  for  Scott,  I  believe  the  Legislature  will  go 
that  way  too,  Governor  and  all." 

"  But,  may  be.  Uncle  Joshua,"  says  T,  "  the  Whigs  havn't 
gained  so  much  as  you  think  for,  after  all.  It  looks  bad  in 
the  Legislature,  I  see,  but  it  may  be  all  owing  to  the  rum 
business,  as  you  say  about  the  Governor." 

"  No,  no,  it  isn't  that,"  said  Uncle  Joshua,  with  a  heavy 
sigh  ;  "  you  may  depend  upon  it  the  State  has  got  a  Whig 
drift.  The  Congressmen  tells  the  story,  and  there  the  rum 
business  has  nothing  to  do  with  it.  In  the  last  Congress  we 
had  five   Democratic    Representatives    and  the    Whigs    two. 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  39T 

Well,  now  how  is  it  ?  In  the  next  Congress  this  State  has 
six  Representatives,  and  the  Democrats  have  made  out  to 
elect  three  and  the  Whigs  three.  It's  jest  an  even  balance, 
and  a  few  more  of  them  foolish  hurrahs  for  Gineral  Scott  will 
tip  the  State  agin  us." 

•'  Well,  we  must  stir  round,"  says  I,  "  and  try  to  stop  this 
hurrah  business,  and  may  be  we  can  save  the  State  yet.  If  I 
ketch  Sargent  Joel  at  it  again,  I'll  cashier  him.  If  Democrats 
can't  hurrah  for  Pierce  they  musn't  be  allowed  to  hurrah  for 
nobody.  But,  after  all,  Uncle,  suppose  we  should  lose  this 
State,  the  nation  is  safe  for  the  Democracy.  You  must 
remember  we  have  a  large  majority  of  the  States,  and  nigh 
two-thirds  of  the  members  of  the  last  Congress." 

"  Well,"  says  he,  "  that  don't  prove  whether  we  shall  have 
two-thirds  or  one-third  in  the  next  Congress.  If  the  States  go 
on  as  they  have  begun,  it  will  be  pretty  likely  to  be  one-third. 
There's  only  three  States  that  has  elected  their  Represnta- 
tives  to  the  next  Congress  yet,  and  that  is  Maine,  and  Mis- 
souri, and  Iowa.  And  only  jest  look  at  'em.  Three  years  ago 
they  stood  twelve  Democrats  and  two  Whigs,  and  now  they 
stand  seven  Democrats  and  six  Whigs.  How  long  will  it 
take  at  that  rate,  to  turn  our  two-thirds  into  one-third  ?  I'm 
afraid  there's  a  Whigh  drift  going  over  the  country  that'll 
swamp  us.  Sailors  tell  about  the  big  tenth  wave  that  rolls 
up  and  carries  everything  afore  it,  and  I'm  thinking  it  seems 
te  be  a  good  deal  so  in  politics.  There  was  a  big  tenth  wave 
in  1840,  and  3'ou  remember  what  work  it  made.  It  looks  a 
good  deal  as  if  there  is  another  big  tenth  wave  rolling  up 
now,  to  swamp  the  Democracy  and  upset  Congress.  We've 
got  to  have  trying  times,  Major.  I  don't  know  what'll  become 
of  the  country  if  the  Whigs  get  the  upper  hand."  He  said 
this  with  such  a  mournful  expression  that  I  see  the  tears  come 
into  Aunt  Keziah's  eyes.     She's  a  good  christian  woman,  and 


398  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

she  laid  her  hand  upon  his  shoulder,  and  says  she,  "  Oh,  Mr. 
Downing,  pray  don't  be  so  worried,  but  trust  in  Providence." 
And  now,  Mr.  Gales  and  Seaton,  if  you  can  say  anything 
to  encourage  us,  or  to  relieve  Uncle  Joshua's  anxious  mind, 
you  would  do  a  great  kindness  to  your  old  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LXXIIL 

DowNiNGViLLE,  State  of  Maine,  Nov.  15,  1852. 

Mr.  Gales  &  Seaton — 

My  Dear  Old  Friends  : — I  am  as  happy  as  happy  can  be, 
and  Uncle  Joshua  is  a  great  deal  happier.  And  as  for  Aunt 
Keziah,  about  the  second  day  arter  the  election,  when  New 
York,  Pennsylvania,  and  Ohio,  came  rolling  on  for  Pierce  and 
King,  she  was  so  completely  overflowed  with  oceans  of  hap- 
piness, that  she  fell  into  conniption  fits,  and  has  had  'em, 
more  or  less,  every  day  since.  And  as  for  Cousin  Sargent 
Joel  Downing,  he  don't  hurrah  for  Gineral  Scott  no  more  ;  but 
ever  since  the  election  he  hurrahs  for  Gineral  Pierce,  day  and 
night,  till  he's  got  so  hoarse  he  can't  speak  above  a  whisper. 
You  remember  I  told  you  in  my  last  letter  how  Uncle  Joshua 
and  I  found  Sargent  Joel,  some  time  before  the  election,  out 
behind  the  barn,  standing  on  a  stump,  and  swinging  his  hat 
and  hollerin',  "  Hurrah  for  Gineral  Scott,"  with  all  his  might. 
Arter  that  he  did  it  openly,  and  said  he  didn't  care  who  heard 
it.  And  he  kept  it  up  till  the  day  arter  the  election,  when 
the  telegraph  wires  brought  in  the  thunder  and  lightnin'  news 
that  all  creation  had  gone  for  Gineral  Pierce,  and  then  Cousin 
Joel  chopt  round  quicker  than  you  ever  see  a  nor-wester  set  in 
arter  a  south-east  storm.  Cousin  Joel  is  a  cunning  dog  ;  he 
knows  on  which  side  his  bread  is  buttered,  and  you  may  de- 


OUT   OF    THE    SENATE.  399 

pend  he  will  be  on  hand  in  Washington  next  winter  ;  and  if 
Pennsylvania  Avenue  don't  ring  from  one  end  to  t'other  with 
his  hurrahs  for  Gineral  Pierce,  I  won't  guess  agin.  I  don't 
know  what  Gineral  Pierce  will  do  for  Cousin  Joel  when  the 
time  comes,  but  he  will  be  bound  to  do  something  pretty 
handsome  for  him,  for  no  man  has  hurrah'd  louder  and  heartier 
for  him  than  Cousin  Joel  has,  especially  since  the  election. 

And  as  for  Uncle  Joshua,  he  seems  to  be  in  kingdom-come. 
It  does  my  heart  good  to  look  at  him,  he  seems  to  be  so  satis- 
fied. He  says  the  good  old  Jackson  times  is  coming  back 
agin,  and  the  Bank,  and  the  Tariff,  and  Internal  Improve- 
ments has  got  to  stand  from  under,  or  else  be  swamped. 

"  But,"  says  I,  "  Uncle  Joshua,  we  haint  got  no  Bank  now, 
so  it  can't  stand  from  under,  nor  be  swamped  nother." 

"  Well,  that  ain't  nothing  at  all  to  the  argument,"  says  he. 
"  Snpposin'  we  had  a  Bank,  it  loouldhsiye  to  stand  from  under, 
wouldn't  it  ?  " 

"  Well,  Uncle  Joshua,"  says  I,  "you  ask  me  as  puzzlin'  a 
question  as  Bill  Johnson  did  t'other  da3^" 

"  What  was  that  ?"  says  he. 

"  Well,"  says  I,  "you  know  Bill  is  always  bantering  every 
one  he  meets  to  swap  watches.  So  he  comes  up  to  me  t'other 
day,  and  says  he,  *  Major,  how'll  ye  swap  watches  V  Says  I, 
*  Mr.  Johnson,  I  haint  got  no  watch  '  Says  he,  'No  matter  for 
that  ;  supposin'  you  had  one,  how  would  you  swap  ? '  Now, 
Uncle,  if  I  had  only  had  a  watch,  I  could  a  told  Bill  how  1 
would  swap.  And  so  if  we  only  had  a  Bank,  may  be  I  could 
answer  your  question,  too.  For  if  it  was  a  Whig  Bank,  I 
should  say,  pretty  decidedly,  it  would  have  to  stand  from 
under,  or  be  upset.  But  Gineral  Jackson  killed  the  Bank,  and 
now  Gineral  Pierce  has  killed  the  Whig  party.  It  has  always 
been  your  doctrine,  that  the  Democratic  principle  is  to  fight 
agin  the  Whigs.     But  now  there  ain't  no  Whig  party,  nor  no 


400  MY   THIRTY   YEARS 

Bank,  I  don't  know,  for  my  part,  what  Gineral  Pierce  is  going 
to  do  ;  for  of  all  the  hard  things  in  this  world  there  ain't 
nothin'  harder  than  to  kick  agin  nothin'.  And,  Uncle,  I 
shouldn't  be  at  all  surprised  if  Gineral  Pierce  should  go  to 
work  now  and  build  up  a  new  Bank  ;  and  I  don't  know  but  I 
almost  wish  he  would." 

Uncle  Joshua  rolled  up  his  eyes,  and  sa^^s  he,  "  Major,  you 
aught  to  be  the  last  man  to  say  that  arter  w^orking  as  hard  as 
you  did  to  help  Gineral  Jackson  kill  the  old  Bank  monster." 

"  I  know  that,"  says  I,  "  but  circumstances  alters  cases. 
It  is  being  a  Whig  Bank  that  makes  a  Bank  bad,  and  does  all 
the  mischief.  A  Democratic  Bank  might  be  a  very  good 
thing,  and  I  hope  Gineral  Pierce  will  try  the  experiment. 
The  Bank  of  England  has  worked  well  for  more  than  a  hun- 
dred years,  and  why  shouldn't  the  Bank  of  America,  if  there 
wasn't  no  Whigger}^  mixed  up  with  it  ?  I  hope  Gineral 
Pierce  will  go  in  for  a  true  Democratic  National  Bank." 

"  Well,  Major,"  said  Uncle  Joshua,  "  I  s'pose  you  see  deeper 
into  statesmanship  than  I  do,  and  I  don't  know  but  you're 
about  right.  I  think  Gineral  Pierce  aught  to  take  you  for 
one  of  his  Cabinet,  if  he  wants  to  get  along  safe  ;  and  I  think 
if  you  would  sit  down  and  write  a  letter  to  the  Gineral,  giving 
him  some  of  j^our  notions  about  things,  it  might  be  a  help  to 
him  ;  and  I  think,  Major,  it's  your  duty  to  do  it." 

I  couldn't  help  thinking-  about  this  last  remark  of  Uncle 
Joshua  all  day,  and  finally  I  begun  to  feel  as  though  Hwas  my 
duty  to  write  to  the  Gineral.  But  I  see  something  in  the 
papers  about  his  going  to  Virginia,  or  somewhere  off  South, 
and  I  don't  know  where  my  letter  would  find  him.  But  I 
s'pose,  Mr.  Gales  &  Seaton,  you  keep  the  run  of  him,  so  I  will 
inclose  the  letter  to  you,  and  get  you  to  send  it  on.  By  so 
doing  you  will  much  oblige  your  old  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  401 


LETTER  LXXIV 


PRIVATE    LETTER   TO    GENERAL    PIERCE. 

DowNiNGViLLE,  State  of  Maine,  Nov.  16,  1852. 

Dear  Gineral  :— I  guess  you  little  thought  when  we  was 
having  that  scratch  in  Mexico,  that  it  was  going  to  make  a 
President  of  you.  But  time  and  chance  happens  to  all  men, 
and  why  shouldn't  luck  come  to  you  as  well  as  anybody  else  ? 
I  didn't  expect,  when  I  lost  dear  old  Gineral  Jackson,  that  I 
should  ever  have  a  chance  to  write  to  another  Gineral  in  the 
President's  chair  President  Polk  was  only  a  Colonel,  and 
somehow  it  didn't  seem  half  so  natural  for  me  to  say  **  dear 
Colonel,"  as  it  did  to  say  "  dear  Gineral,"  I  had  been  so  used 
to  it  in  Old  Hickory's  time.  And  I  can't  help  thinking  that 
nobody  lower  than  Gineral  ever  aught  to  be  President.  But 
that's  neither  here  nor  there  ;  you  are  President,  and  have  got 
to  go  ahead  and  make  the  best  of  it.  And  as  I  had  a  good 
deal  of  experience  in  Gineral  Jackson's  time,  and  you  are 
kind  of  young  in  Government  matters,  I  felt  it  my  duty  to 
write  to  you  and  try  to  encourage  you  along,  for  I  don't  ex- 
pect you  know  what  very  darksome  and  trying  times  there  is 
in  going  through  the  Presidency.  The  first  thing  that  is 
necessary  is  to  keep  a  stiff  upper  lip.  It  was  keepin'  a  stiff 
upper  lip  that  carried  Gineral  Jackson  through  a  great  many 
hard  trials.  There  was  so  many  hands  to  the  bellows  that 
blowed  you  into  the  Presidency  that  Pm  afraid  when  they 
come  to  settle  up  accounts  there'll  be  a  squabble  that  will 
make  more  trouble  for  you  than  ever  old  Hickory  had.  When 
the  old  line  Dimocrats,  North  and  South,  and  the  Hunkers, 
and  the  Barnburners,  and  the  Free-Soilers,  and  the  States 


402  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

Rights  Dimocrats,  and  the  Union  Whigs,  and  the  Seces- 
sionists, and  the  Carolina  Nullifiers,  and  the  Old  Fogies,  and 
Young  America,  all  get  you  by  the  throat,  and  every  one 
crying  out  "  pay  me  that  thou  owest,"  I  almost  tremble  to 
think  what  will  become  of  you,  unless  j'ou  have  a  good  deal 
of  the  true  old  Hickory  grit.  You  must  put  on  the  stiffest 
kind  of  upper  lip  and  take  the  responsibility,  or  it'll  be  gone 
goose  with  you.  You  had  better  shake  them  all  off,  and 
advertise  that  you  won't  pay  no  debts  of  their  contracting. 

You  must  remember  that  the  Whig  party  is  dead  and 
buried,  and  you  haven't  got  to  fight  agin  that  no  more.  And 
you  must  remember,  too,  that  the  Whig  party  has  left  con- 
siderable valuable  property,  and  that  the  Dimocratic  party  is 
the  natural  heir  to  it.  So  you  can  take  up  the  Bank,  and  the 
Tariff,  and  Internal  Improvements,  and  such  kind  of  notions, 
and  use  'em  quietly  for  the  benefit  of  the  great  Dimocratic 
party,  and  say  nothin'  about  it.  Only  you.  must  take  care  to 
fix 'em  over  into  Dimocratic  Bank,  and  Dimocratic  Tariff,  and 
Dimocratic  Internal  Improvements,  and  then  nobody  won't 
say  a  word  agin  'em. 

Well,  now,  about  the  Cabinet.  That  is  a  ticklish  kind  of 
business,  and  I  feel  uneasy  to  know  how  you'll  get  along 
with  it.  Uncle  Joshua  thinks  you'd  better  take  one  out  of 
each  party  that  went  for  you,  and  give  'em  all  a  fair  chance. 
But  you  can't  have  but  seven  members  in  the  Cabinet,  unless 
you  conclude  to  have  a  Kitchen  Cabinet  too,  and  I  don't 
suppose  you'll  do  that,  for  they  ain't  apt  to  work  very  well. 
Old  Hickory  himself  got  rather  tired  of  his  before  'twas  over. 
So  if  you  haven't  but  seven  members,  there  won't  be  enough 
to  give  one  to  each  party,  and  them  that's  left  to  suck  their 
fingers  will  always  be  biting  their  thumbs  at  you.  And  then 
you  know  the  rule  is,  that  the  Cabinet  should  always  be  a 
unit,     But   I'm    afraid   if  you  g<  t  one  in  from  each  party  it 


OUT    or    THE    SENATE.  ^03 


will  be  a  very  quarrelsome  kind  of  unit,  and  you  will  have  no 
comfort  of  your  life.  And  then,  if  you  was  to  give  the  whole 
to  one  or  two  parties,  you  would  of  course  have  about  a 
dozen  parties  up  in  arms  agin  you,  and  squalls  and  harry- 
canes  blowing  from  all  quarters.  Jest  see  how  it  would  work. 
If  you  should  pick  out  a  sound,  wise  Old  Fogy  to  take  hold 
with  you  to  help  cook  matters  up,  the  Diinocratic  Review 
would  be  down  upon  you  like  a  thousand  of  brick,  and  black- 
guard you  like  a  pick-pocket  for  trying  to  hobble  along  on 
the  "  mere  beaten  horse."  And  then,  if  you  was  to  look  t'other 
way  and  set  Young  America  to  the  helm,  the  Old  Fogies 
would  be  afraid  some  of  the  mad-caps  would  run  us  on  to  the 
breakers  and  send  us  all  to  the  bottom.  In  that  case,  pretty 
likely  there'd  be  a  greater  unit  out  of  the  Cabinet  than  there 
was  in  it,  and  there  would  be  danger  of  mutiny  all  round.  So 
there  you  are.     You  seem  to  be  in  a  snarl,  any  way  you  can 

fix  it. 

Now,  if  you  will  take  my  advice,  Gineral,  you  will  shet 
your  eyes,  and  stop  your  ears,  and  take  the  responsibility, 
and  when  they  come  pulling  and  hauling  round  you,  jest  say 
to  the  Dimocrats,  and  the  Old  Fogies,  and  Young  America, 
and  the  Hunkers,  and  the  Barnburners,  and  the  Abolitionists, 
and  the  Secessionists,  and  the  Nullifiers,  that  you  don't  know 
none  of  'em,  and  that  you  ain't  tlieir  President,  but  you  are  the 
President  of  these  thirty-one  United  States,  and  you  mean  "  to 
go  for  the  whole  or  none."  That  is,  I  mean  the  whole  of  the 
United  States  that  is  fairly  ours,  and  not  the  whole  of  crea- 
tion, for  this  last  business  is  one  that  needs  to  bo  looked  at 
and  thought  on  considerable  before  going  into  it.  I  know 
some  folks  say  there  is  to  be  a  great  deal  annexin'  done 
during  your  administration.  Now  I  don't  know  what  your 
notions  is  on  this  subject,  but  if  annexin'  is  to  be  the  main 
business  of  your  term,  the  next  question  is,  what  is  the  best 


404 


MY   THIR-n^    YEARS 


way  to  do  it  ?  Uncle  Joshua  alwaj^s  says,  in  nine  cases  out 
of  ten  it  costs  more  to  rob  an  orchard  than  it  would  to  buy 
the  apples.  If  that's  true,  maybe  that  fiUisbusterin'  wouldn't 
be  the  cheapest  way  to  annex.  But  some  folks  have  a  great 
fancy  for  fillibusterin',  let  it  cost  what  'twill.  If  you  should 
think  of  branching  out  strong  that  way,  I  don't  s'pose  you 
could  do  better  than  to  take  Kossuth  for  Secretary  of  State, 
for  he  is  Governor  of  Hungary,  you  know,  and  could  hitch 
that  fine  country  right  on  to  our  team,  without  the  trouble  of 
any  fillibusterin'  about  it.  It  could  be  done  so  quick  the 
Russian  Bear  wouldn't  hardly  have  time  to  growl.  And  then 
a  small  fillibusterin'  army  could  bring  in  Cuba  and  Canada, 
and  Mexico,  and  the  rest  as  fast  as  we  should  know  what  to 
do  with  'em. 

Good  by,  Gineral  ;  go  ahead,  and  keep  a  stiff  upper  lip,  and 
anything  I  can  do  for  you  jest  let  me  know. 
So  I  remain  your  true  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LXXV. 

PRIVATE  DISPATCH,  TO  GO  THROUGH  THE  ORGAN  TO  GENERAL  PIERCE. 

DowNiNGViLLE,  State  of  Maine,  July  22,  1853. 
Mr.  Gales  &  Seaton — 

My  Dear  Old  Friends  : — When  I  am  in  a  dilemma  I  always 
feel  sure  I  shall  be  safe  if  I  throw  myself  into  your  hands. 
And  I  am  in  a  dilemma  now,  'cause  I've  got  to  send  a  little 
private  ofiScial  dispatch  to  Gineral  Pierce,  and  I  can't  find  out 
what  paper  is  the  organ  to  send  it  through.  I've  been  hunt- 
ing and  hunting  over  the  papers,  from  all  parts  of  the  country, 
that  come  to  Uncle  Joshua's  Post-Office,  to  try  to  find  out 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  405 

what  paper  is  GIneral  Pierce's  organ  ;  but  the  more  I  hunt 
the  worse  I  am  off,  and  the  darker  and  more  puzzlin'  the 
question  grows.  Some  of  the  papers  says  the  Washington 
Union  is  the  organ,  and  some  says  'tisn't. 

Sometimes  the  Union  comes  out  with  a  fust-rate  Dimocratic 
leader,  loaded  down  with  true,  solid  Dimocratic  principles, 
that  goes  into  the  ground  clear  up  to  the  hub.  Wal,  then 
the  papers  says,  "  that's  by  authority  ;  the  Union  is  the  organ 
of  the  Administration,  and  no  mistake  ;  it's  jest  as  clear  as 
preachin'."  Then  the  next  thing,  may  be,  it  comes  out  with 
another  Dimocratic  leader,  puffing  the  Dimocratic  Government 
of  Russia  sky-high.  Wal,  then  the  papers  goes  into  a  flutter- 
ation  about  it,  and  says  the  Union  isn't  the  organ  of  the 
Government,  any  more  than  a  toad  wants  a  tail,  every  bit 
and  grain. 

But  the  Union  says  His  the  organ,  and  the  New  York 
Evenin'  Post,  and  some  of  the  rest  of  'em,  eenamost  swears, 
up  hill  and  down,  that  HisnH  the  organ.  So  there  they  have 
it  ;  and  how  are  we,  away  down  East  here,  to  tell  which  is 
what?  And  then  some  of  the  papers  said  the  Republic  was 
to  be  the  organ,  and  was  cut  down  near  about  one-half  in 
size  to  suit  the  times  ;  and  some  said  a  true-blue  Dimocratic 
organ  was  going  to  be  moved  up  from  New  Hampshire  ;  and 
some  said  a  bran  new  organ  was  going  to  be  made  right  up 
out  of  whole  cloth,  and  an  editor  was  going  to  be  brought  up 
from  New  Hampshire  to  edit  it.  So  what  the  upshot  of  the 
business  is  I  can't  find  out. 

Pm  most  afraid  the  Gineral  hasn't  appointed  any  organ 
yet  ;  and  if  he  hasn't,  that's  very  bad  ;  for  the  organ  aught 
to  be  the  very  first  appointment  made.  But  I  know  the 
Gineral  has  had  a  very  hard  time  about  some  of  his  appoint- 
ments, so  I  can't  so  much  blame  him.  So  here  you  see  was 
my  bother  that  I  was  in  ;  I  had  to  send  to  the  Gineral  some- 


406  MY   XniRTY    YEARS 

thiug  that  aught  to  go  through  the  organ,  and  I  can't  find  the 
organ.  Finally,  arter  consulting  Uncle  Joshua  about  it,  he 
said  I'd  better  write  to  you,  for  you  would  know  as  much 
about  it  as  anybody,  and  if  there  was  an  organ  you  could 
send  my  dispatch  to  it,  and  if  there  wasn't,  you  could  put  it 
in  the  Intelligencer — and  for  his  part,  he  always  thought  the 
Intelligencer  was  about  as  good  as  an  organ  to  put  anything 
into. 

So  now,  Mr.  Gales  &  Seaton,  if  there  isn't  no  organ  in 
Washington  nor  nowhere  else  in  America,  I  shall  have  to 
depend  on  you  to  get  my  dispatch  along  to  the  Government 
the  best  way  you  can,  and  I'll  try  and  do  as  much  for  you 
any  time. 

To  Gineral  Pierce,  President  of  America.,  and  agoing  to  he  {that 
is,  if  Gineral  Gushing  isnH  mistaken)  ike  founder  of  ^^ Modern 
Bomer 

Dear  Gineral  : — I'm  afraid  you've  thought  strange  of  it 
that  I  liaint  writ  to  3'ou  afore  now,  for  so  long  time  past  ;  but 
I  couldn't,  I've  been  so  busy  cruising  round  among  the  fisher- 
men down  to  New  Brunswick,  and  Nova  Scotia,  and  the  Gulf 
of  St.  Lawrence,  that  I  couldn't  get  no  time  to  write,  nor 
couldn't  find  no  Post-Office  to  send  it.  Ye  see,  Gineral,  I  didn't 
accept  your  invitation  to  take  a  seat  in  your  Cabinet,  'cause 
I'm  one  of  them  sort  that  can't  bear  setting  a  great  deal.  I 
can't  stan'  it  without  I'm  up  and  knocking  about  pretty  much 
every  day  ;  and  I  understood  the  Cabinet  had  to  set  nigh 
about  half  the  time,  so  I  told  you  I  should  a  good  deal  rather 
have  some  foreign  appointment,  where  I  could  stir  myself. 
And  you  told  me  the  foreign  appointments  was  pretty  much 
all  spoken  for,  twenty  times  over,  but  you  would  give  me  a 
commission  as  Miuister-Gineral,  and  I  might  go  round  and 
look  after   the    interests  of  the  country  wherever   I   thought 


MAJOPv    DOWNING  S    VISL!?   TO   THE    FISHING    SMACKS. 
(See  next  page.) 


(407) 


408  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

best.     Now  that  was  jest  what  I  liked  ;  you   couldn't   a  gin 
me  no  appointment  that  would  suit  me  better. 

Wal,  my  first  cruise,  Gineral,  has  been  away  Down  East, 
and  a  little  beyond  ;  for  I  thought  'twas  high  time  them  fish- 
ermen of  ourn  down  there  was  looked  arter  ;  I  heard  they 
was  getting  wrathy,  and  the  Britishers  was  flockin'  in  there 
with  their  armed  vessels  agin,  and  there  was  pretty  likely  to 
be  a  muss  if  'twan't  seen  to  ;  and  I  knew  it  would  be  a  good 
cool  place  in  this  hot  summer  weather,  so  I  sculled  off.  I 
went  all  along  the  coast,  and  boarded  the  fishermen,  and 
talked  with  the  skippers,  and  give  'em  good  advice.  I'm 
sorry  to  say  their  backs  is  up  pretty  round.  They  swear 
they'll  never  stan'  that  straight  line  "  from  headland  to  head- 
land," no  way  you  can  fix  it.  They  say  the  codfish  and  the 
mackerel  are  a  good  deal  thicker  inside  the  line  than  they  are 
out,  and  they  are  bound  to  go  wliere  there's  the  best  fishin', 
let  who  will  stan'  in  the  way.  Wal,  Gineral,  since  most 
all  our  politicians  and  office-seekers  is  doing  the  same  thing, 
and  setting  of  'em  the  same  example,  I  couldn't  find  it  in  my 
heart  to  blame  'em  much,  for  who  is  there  among  'em  all, 
politicians  and  office-seekers,  that  stans  much  about  any 
straight  line  from  headland  to  headland  when  they  think 
there  is  any  better  fishing  t'other  side  of  it  ? 

Howsever,  I  guess  you  may  calculate  the  fishermen  will 
remain  quiet  this  summer,  if  they  are  allowed  to  fish  where 
they  are  a  mind  to,  and  the  British  vessels  don't  crowd  'em 
too  hard.  But  if  they  do,  you  must  look  out  for  a  regular 
row,  that'll  stir  the  whole  camp  of  Young  America.  I  got 
home  last  week,  and  have  been  overhauling  the  newspapers, 
and  having  talks  with  Uncle  Joshua,  and  larning  how  things 
is  gitting  on.  I  see  that  you  and  some  of  the  Cabinet  have 
been  on  to  New  York  to  see  the  openin'  of  the  Crystil  Palace, 
and  had  a  good  time.     I'm  glad  to  find  your  Administration 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  409 

is  getting"  on  so  swiininly,  and  that  you've  got  such  a  fust-rate 
Cabinet  round  you.     I  like  Mr.  Marcy  better  and  better  ;  he's 
such  a  prudent  man  and  a  fust-rate  Dimocrat.     I  always  heard 
he  was  prudent   and  savin',    and  wasn't  ashamed  to  have  liis 
clothes  mended  as  long  as  they  was  decent,  before   he  would 
go  into  any  extravagance  to  get  new  ones.     And   I'm  right 
glad  he's  agoing  to  set  sich  a  good  example  to  the  country  by 
making  our  foreign  Ministers  and  Consuls  follow  his  prudent 
ways.     His  circular  of  the  first  of  June  has  been  worth  a 
hundred  dollars  to  me  right  off,   to  begin  with.     When  I  got 
home  I  says  to  Uncle  Joshua,  says  I,   "  Uncle,  I  want  you  to 
lend  me  a  hundred  dollars,  and  I'll  give  yon  an  order  on  the 
President  for  it,  to  take  it  out  of  my  salary  ;  for  I'm  agoing  to 
take  a  tower  to  Europe  with  my  commission  of  Minister-Gin- 
eral,  to  see  that  England  and  France  puts  a  stop  to  that  Rus- 
sian war,  and  I've  got  to  get  a  bran  new  rig  for  a  court  dress." 
Uncle  Joshua  laughed,  and  says  he,  "  Major,  you  can  save 
yourself  all  that  trouble   and  expense.     I  guess   you  hain't 
seen  Mr.  Marcy's  circular.     Our  foreign   Ministers  and  Con- 
suls now  have  all  got  to  wear  the  plainest  home-spun  clothes, 
jest   as   Dr.   Franklin    did  when  he  was    a   Minister   in  the 
beginning  of  the  government.     The  circular  says,  *  It  is  to  be 
regretted  that  there  was  ever   any  departure  in  this   respect 
from  the  example  of  Dr.  Franklin  '     Audit  goes  on  and   lays 
down  the  rules  about  plain  clothes  in  a  most  thorough  Dimo- 
cratic  manner.     And   the   Union   newspaper — I    don't   know 
whether  it's  an  organ  or  not,  but  it  puts  on  airs  and  speaks 
as  though  it  was  talking  by  authority — and  it  says  the  Admin- 
istration   is  determined   to    *  exhibit   the    same    progressive 
American  spirit'  in  the  clothing  business  that  it  does   in  its 
other  foreign  relations  ;  and  that  *  it  is  time  to  restore  the 
strongl^'-marked  republicanism  '  of  Dr.  Franklin's  clothes.     So, 
Major,  your  clothes  is  all  good  enough  now,  and  jest  the  right 


410 


sir    THIRTY     YEARS 


sort.  Only  may  be  you  better  take  with  you  ray  long  drab 
surtout  and  my  broad-brim  hat,  for  perhaps  they'd  look  a  little 
more  like  Dr.  Franklin  than  3'ourn  does."  And  then  Cousin 
Nabby  spoke  up,  and   says   she,  "  Yes,  Cousin  Jack,  and  I've 


DEMOCRATIC  COSTU.^IE  CARRIED  TO  THE  EXTREME. 

got  half  a  dozen  pair  of  blue  woolen  stockins  already  knit  for 
you  ;  so  you'll  be  all  fixed  up  nice  and  warm." 

Wal,  now,  Gineral,  I  feel  a  great  deal  relieved  about  this 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  411 

dress  business  ;  it  will  save  so  much  expense,  and,  besides,  I 
shan't  feel  afraid  now  to  go  to  any  royal  Court  in  Europe,  and 
face  the  finest  on  'em.  The  fact  is,  Gineral,  since  Mr.  Marcy's 
circular  has  sot  me  to  thinkin'  on  this  matter  of  dressin'  for 
our  Ministers,  I  don't  know  but  it  would  be  more  Dimocratic 
and  American  to  go  a  step  beyond  Dr.  Franklin,  and  take  the 
real  aborigin  style.  There  aint,  to  my  mind,  nothin'  more 
becomin  than  a  buffalo-robe  or  a  handsome  blanket,  with  the 
fine  worked  Indian  leggins  and  moccasins  ;  and  then  an 
American  Minister  would  be  knowed  everywhere  as  soon  as 
he  was  seed.  They  might  paint  or  not,  as  they  pleased,  but  it 
would  be  real  American,  and  beat  the  Turks  in  pictureskness, 
and  besides  look  Roman  like  too.  Give  my  respects  to  Mr, 
Marcy,  and  hint  this  Indian  notion  to  him.  I  am  sure  it 
would  take  like  wild-fire. 

And,  Gineral,  you've  got  another  real  whaler  in  your  Cab- 
inet, and  that  is  Gineral  Gushing.  It  seems  to  me,  if  that 
man  lives,  he's  agoing  to  outstrip  Gineral  Jackson.  I  had  no 
idea  there  was  so  much  grit  in  him  till  he  made  that  speech 
t'other  day  at  Newark,  in  the  Jersies.  Since  I've  read  that 
speech  I  feel  all  over  like  an  old  Roman.  It  seems  as  if  I  can 
see  our  country  marching  right  up  to  the  very  tip -top  of  the 
world's  mountain  and  kicking  all  the  rest  of  the  nations  down 
to  the  bottom  of  the  heep.  That  old  Greke,  that  folks  tell  so 
much  about,  never  poured  out  sich  a  grist  of  oratory  in  all  his 
born  days.  I  can't  help  copying  a  little  piece  of  it  out  of  the 
newspapers  into  my  dispatch.     Here  'tis  : 

"  There  is  a  destiny  to  a  Republic.  There  is  a  law  of  its 
existence  as  clearly  and  undeniably  as  there  is  a  law  of  the 
existence  of  a  human  being,  that  he  shall  begin  in  youth,  that 
he  shall  grow  in  juvenescence,  that  he  shall  harden  into  man- 
hood, that  in  the  plenitude  of  his  manful  strength  he  shall 
overtop  the  nations  around  him.     [Applause.]     We  are  now 


412  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

the  men  of  the  modern  Rome.  How  was  it  with  the  old 
Rome.  She  conquered.  She  went  on  annexin'  according  to 
the  law  of  her  existence  [applase],  and  so  long  as  she  pro- 
ceeded in  the  application  of  that  law  of  her  existence,  no 
earthly  power  could  withstand  her  progress.  [Applause.] 
I  say  that  was  the  destiny  of  ancient  Rome,  and  it  is  the 
destiny  of  modern  Rome.  There  can  be  no  pause  in  our 
progress,  except  the  pause  of  decay  ;  when  we  cease  to 
grow  we  shall  begin  to  perish.  [Applause.]  I  say,  when 
we  cease  to  grow  we  shall  begin  to  perish  ;  for  upon  us  as  a 
republic  is  impressed,  not  a  curse,  (though  it  was  a  curse  to 
him  who  thrust  from  his  door  the  thirsting  Saviour  on  his  way 
to  Calvary  ;)  it  was  his  curse  that  vengeance  of  God  should 
pronounce  over  him  as  the  perpetual  sentence  of  his  sin — 
march,  march,  march  ;  for  him  there  was  no  pause.  I  say,  as 
on  him  was  pronounced  the  curse,  on  us  has  been  poured 
down  the  benediction,  [applause  ;]  for  us  that  same  Divine 
voice  has  said,  March,  march,  march — onward,  upward,  so 
long  as  there  remains  a  celestial  hight  in  the  infinite  regions 
of  greatness  which  it  is  possible  for  human  power  to  scale." 

That  speech  came  over  Cousin  Sargent  Joel  like  a  steak  of 
lightning.  He  went  right  to  work  and  scoured  up  his  old 
fire-lock  as  bright  as  a  pewter-platter.  And  now,  from 
mornin'  till  night,  with  his  fire-lock  on  his  shoulder,  he  marches 
about  the  house  and  round  the  barn  in  a  military  step,  sayin' 
to  himself  as  he  goes,  "  March,  march,  march  ;  we  are  the 
men  of  modern  Rome  !  March,  march,  march  ;  annexin'  day 
is  close  at  hand  !     March,  march,  march  !" 

But,  Gineral,  I  must  be  in  a  hurry,  and  be  off"  on  my  tower 
before  the  countries  is  all  annexed.  So  I  subscribe  myself 
in  haste,  your  faithful  friend  and  well  wisher, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  413 


LETTER   LXXVI. 

PRIVATE  DISPATCH  TO  GINERAL  PIERCE,  TO  GO  THROUGH  ONE  OF  THE 
ORGANS— THE  UNION  OR  THE  SENTINEL,  OR  THE  STAR,  OR  ONE  OF 
THE  OTHER  ORGANS— IF  THEY'vE  GOr  AGOING  YET. 

DowNiNGviLLE,  State  of  Maine,  Nov.  8,  1853. 

Dear  Gineral  :— I  got  back  from  my  tower  in   Europe  yes- 
terday, and  found  Uncle  Joshua  and  Aunt  Keziah,  and  Cousin 
Nabby,  and  Cousin  Sargent  Joel,  all  well  ;  and  I  hope  these 
few  lines  will  find  you  enjoying  the  same  blessing.     I'm  glad 
of  one  thing,  and  that  is,  that  you  ain't  troubled   so  much 
about  organs  as  you  was  when  I  went   away.     There  wasn't 
any  organ  then,  only  the  Union,  and  that  was  a  disputed  one, 
so  I  had  to  send  my  last  dispatch  to  my  old  friends,  Mr.  Gales 
and  Seaton,  and  get  them  to  forward  it  to  you  the  best  way 
they  could.     But  I  understand  now  that  organs  is   getting  to 
be    as   plenty    as  blackberries,  and  that   seems  to  be   lucky 
about  this  time  ;  for,  if  what  Uncle  Joshua  tells  me  is  all 
true,  it  will  need  a  good  many  of  'em  to  play  tunes  to  suit  all 
parties.     If  you  could   manage   to  have   an  organ  for   each 
member  of  the  Cabinet,  it  would  be  a  great  help  ;  for  then 
each  one  could  play  his  own  tune  and  no  jarring,  and  harmony 
is  what  we  need  all  round.     Mr.  Marcy  needs  an  organ  all  to 
himself,  to  fire  off  his  forty-four  pounders  at   Austria   and  the 
rest  of  Europe,  to  keep  matters  straight  over  there.     And  Mr. 
Guthrie,  I'm  sure,  needs  an  organ  all  to  himself  to  manage  his 
New  York  correspondence,     xind  there's  Gineral  Cushing,  he 
aught  to  have  a  nice  organ   all  to    himself,  that  would  play 
military  tunes,  so  that  everybody,  as  soon  as  they  heard  it, 
\vould  feel  as   if  they  wanted  to  march.     And   Gineral  Davis 


414  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

aught  to  Lave  a  military  organ,  too  ;  but  some  say  he  and 
Gincral  Gushing  might  get  along  very  well  with  one  organ 
between  'em,  and  that  Gineral  Davis  could  play  his  variations 
on  Mr.  Guthrie's  organ. 

And  then  the  different  "sections"  of  the  party  needs  different 
organs,  too.  I  never  believed  that  the  same  tune  Vv^ould 
satisfy  the  "Hards"  and  the  "Softs"  of  New  York  :  and 
from  what  Uncle  Joshua  tells  me,  it's  jest  so.  He  says  the 
organ  has  been  pouring  out  delightful  strains  of  harmony  all 
summer  ;  but  the  more  it  poured  'em  out,  the  greater  was  the 
discord  between  the  Hards  and  the  Softs,  till  finally  it  worked 
them  to  a  pitch  of  phrenzy,  and  he  says  they  are  now  fighting 
and  pullin'  caps  like  mad.  That  shows  clearly  to  my  mind 
that  the  different  "  sections"  ought  to  all  have  their  own 
organs,  and  I  don't  think  there'll  be  any  peace  till  they  have. 

Bat  about  my  tower  in  Europe  I've  a  good  deal  to  say, 
more  than  I  can  get  into  this  dispatch,  and  some  of  it,  I 
think,  would  work  well  into  your  message  to  Congress  next 
month,  if  I  can  get  time  to  bring  it,  or  send  it  on  to  you  in 
time.  Ye  see,  as  I  had  your  commission  of  Minister-Gineral 
to  go  on  ray  own  hook  wherever  I  pleased,  and  look  after 
matters  jest  as  I  thought  best,  it  gin  me  a  capital  chance  to 
work  to  advantage.  And  Mr.  Marcy's  rules,  too,  about  dress 
v/orked  first-rate  ;  for  when  I  thought  it  best  to  go  it  a  little 
on  the  sly,  I  could  jest  put  on  my  drab  surtout  and  broad- 
brim hat,  and  sagaciate  round  among  the  whole  biling  of 'em, 
and  they  wouldn't  mistrust  who  I  was.  So  when  I  found 
which  way  the  cat  was  going  to  jump,  and  thought  it  was 
best  to  head  'em  and  bring  'era  to  a  pint,  I  had  nothing  to  do 
but  to  pull  my  commission  out  of  my  pocket,  and  show  it  to 
'em,  and  that  did  the  business.  Ti  e  fact  is,  Europe's  afraid 
of  us.  I  think  we  are  fast  getting  the  upper  hand.  There 
ain't  another   nation  in   all  creation,  without  'tis  Russia,  that 


OUT    OF    THE    SEX ATE. 


415 


hardly  dares  to  say  her  soul's  her  own,  for  fear  we  shall  be 
down  upon  her,  and  take  her  soul  away  from  her.  And  even 
Russia  feels  a  little  ticklish,  for  fear  that,  when  she  gets  into 
her  highfalutin  with  Turke}',  and  the  rest  of  Europe  goes  to 
take  sides,  we  shall  turn  tu  and  lick  the  whole  scrape,  and 
annex  'em  to  our  modern  Rome.     I  see  somebody  has  put  out 


THE  MAJOR  IN  COURT  DRESS. 


a  book  that  proves,  as  clear  as  preachiu',  that  the  United 
States  is  a  modern  Rome  ;  so  when  Gincral  Gushing  said  in 
his  speech  we  must  march,  march,  march,  and  do  as  old  Rome 
did,  he  was  talking  by  the  book. 

About  this  war  business  in  Europe,  if  there's  anything  to 
be  larnt  in  diplomatic  circles,  and  I've  sifted  tlic  wiiole  of 'em, 


416  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

there's  to  be  a  tight  scratch  all  round  before  it  is  over.  The 
truth  is,  Russia  is  in  real  arnest  after  Turkey  as  ever  a  bear 
was  to  g-et  into  a  corn-field.  She  clambered  over  into  the 
field,  like  a  great  bear  as  she  is,  jest  for  the  purpose  of 
eating  her  way  through  from  one  end  to  t'other.  But  she 
intended  to  do  it  all  in  a  peaceable,  friendly  way,  march- 
ing cooly  and  slowly  along,  step  by  step,  till  she  got  down 
to  the  lower  end  of  the  field,  and  then  she  would  swallow 
Constantinople  just  as  quick  as  a  cat  could  lick  her  ear, 
and  poor  Turkey  never  would  know  what  become  of  her. 
The  Czar  intended  to  do  all  this  in  a  very  friendly,  quiet 
wa}',  nibbling  along  at  his  leisure,  and  not  have  any  fuss 
at  all  about  it.  But  the  foolish  Sultan  got  frightened, 
and  worked  himself  into  a  tantrum,  and  declared  war,  and 
told  Mr.  Bear  to  clear  out  of  his  corn-field  in  fifteen  days,  or 
he'd  set  the  dogs  arter  him.  Well,  that  made  the  Czar  mad  ; 
and  now  he  says  clear  the  track,  for  he's  agoing  down  to 
Constantinople,  whether  or  no,  let  who  will  stand  in  the  way, 
and  there  shan't  be  a  Turk's  head  left  anywhere,  clear  from 
Dan  to  Beersheba — that  is,  if  the  other  nations  will  jest  form 
a  ring  and  see  fair  play,  and  not  interfere.  But  the  Czar  is  a 
good  deal  afraid  that  England  and  France  will  be  for  having  a 
finger  in  the  pie  ;  so  he  has  agreed  with  Austria  and  Prussia, 
who  are  on  his  side,  to  keep  quiet  and  declare  themselves 
neutral^  and  not  stir  an  inch  as  long  as  England  and  France 
will  keep  quiet.  But  if  they  begin  to  meddle,  then  all  hands 
to  fall  to,  and  have  a  regular  scratch,  and  pulling  caps  all 
round . 

Well,  now,  England  and  France  don't  mean  to  keep  quiet. 
They  are  watching  Russia  jest  as  narrow  as  ever  a  cat 
watched  a  mouse,  and  before  Russia  gets  half  way  down  to 
Constantinople,  there'll  be  a  terrible  fuss.  The  French  rooster 
will    crow,  and  the  British  lion  will    growl    and    shake    his 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  417 

mane  ;  and  if  the  Russian  bear  don't  get  licked  or  scared,  and 
turn  tail  to  and  run,  but  holds  on  and  eats  up  one  end  of 
Turkey,  then  England  and  France  will  clap  their  heads 
together  and  eat  up  t'other  end,  just  to  keep  it  from  spiling. 

Now,  when  all  this  rumpus  gets  to  its  highest  pitch  in 
Europe,  and  all  the  nations  get  at  it  pell-mell,  it'll  be  jest  the 
time  for  us  to  strike,  and  go  to  annexin',  and  carry  out  our 
manifest  destiny  in  a  handsome  manner.  What's  the  use  of 
our  nibbling  about  among  small  fry  near  home,  and  annexin' 
little  patches  here  and  there,  such  as  Cuba,  and  little  slices 
off  of  Mexico,  when  we  might  jest  as  well  branch  out  and  do 
somethin'  splendid — somethin'  that  old  Rome  couldn't  hold  a 
candle  to  ;  somethin'  that  Gineral  Gushing  himself  could  say 
was  quite  "  up  to  the  occasion  ?"  Who  wants  to  wait  for  our 
manifest  destiny  till  one-half  the  present  generation  has  died 
off?  I  say  no  ;  now's  the  time  ;  we  must  strike  when  the 
iron's  hot.  So,  when  the  Czar  and  all  his  troops  are  away 
down  South,  peppering  Turkey,  let  us  whip  round  into  the 
Baltic  and  annex  St.  Petersburg,  and  put  a  navy  and  an  army 
there  that  will  command  all  Northern  Europe.  By  that  time 
England  and  France  will  get  to  quarreling  with  each  other  to 
see  which  will  have  Constantinople,  and  that  will  be  the  time 
for  us  to  be  down  upon  them  like  a  thousand  of  brick.  Take 
London,  and  then  we  shall  have  John  Bull  by  the  horns  ; 
take  Paris,  and  that'll  give  us  all  the  jining  countries.  Then 
sail  up  the  Mediterranean,  drive  the  English  and  French  fleets 
all  afore  us,  force  our  way  through  the  Darnin-needles,  and 
get  possession  of  that  "  golden  horn  "  they  tell  about.  Then, 
if  I  understand  geography  right,  we  shall  have  full  sweep  all 
over  creation. 

What's  to  be  done   on  t'other   side,  over  the  Pacific  way, 
ain't  much      Commodore  Perry  has  fairly  got  his  wedge  into 
the  oyster-shell  of  Japan,   and  that's  half  the  battle.     Just 
18 


418  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

send  word  to  him  to  annex  China  on  his  way  round,  and  on  his 
route  home  pick  up  the  islands  along  on  the  Pacific,  which 
will  be  jest  as  easy  as  to  pick  up  so  many  bird's  eggs.  And 
after  we  get  through  our  manifest  destiny,  I  don't  see  what 
there  need  to  be  to  hinder  our  enjoying  peace  and  quietness 
at  home,  and  having  a  good  time  of  it.  We  shall  certainly 
then  have  enough  for  all  hands,  and  no  mistake  ;  offices 
enough  for  all  them  that  wants  offices,  and  spoils  enough  for 
all  them  that's  hungry  for  spoils.  And  then  let  every  man  of 
us  "  set  his  face  like  a  flint  as  well  against  right-handed 
back-slidings  as  against  left-handed  defections,  which  may 
prejudice  or  embarrass  the  onward  progress  of  the  Eepublic." 
Then  there  needn't  be  no  more  quarreling  between  the  Hards 
and  the  Softs  about  which  gets  the  most,  for  there'll  be 
enough  for  the  whole  biling  lot  of  'em. 

We  aught  to  be  going  ahead  with  this  business  as  fast  as 
possible,  for  Uncle  Joshua  says  the  party  has  got  into  a  ter- 
rible snarl,  and  nothing  but  a  grand  coop-da-tat  can  get  'em 
out  of  it.  He  says  Collector  Bronson,  of  New  York,  has  lost 
his  head,  owing  to  a  little  misunderstanding  between  him  and 
Mr.  Guthrie.  They  both  tried  to  see  which  could  stand  up 
the  straightest  on  the  Baltimore  platform,  and  they  both 
agreed  that  the  platform  was  the  rule,  and  everything  aught 
to  be  squared  up  to  it.  Mr.  Bronson  was  quite  impartial, 
and  Mr.  Guthrie  was  a  good  deal  more  so.  When  Mr.  Bron- 
son took  his  seat  at  the  head  of  the  Custom-House  table,  and 
all  "  sections"  of  the  party  come  crowding  and  shufifiing  round 
to  get  the  best  places  at  the  table  and  alongside  the  best 
dishes,  he  tried  to  give  'em  all  a  fair  chance  ;  but  somehow  he 
thought  it  was  no  more  than  right  to  help  round  first  them 
that  had  always  stood  fair  and  square  on  the  platform  ;  and 
if  some  of  them  that  used  to  spit  on  it  had  to  wait  a  little,  it 
might  do  'em  good.     But  the  spitters  made  a  terrible  fuss 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  419 

about  it,  and  kept  up  such  a  din  in  Mr.  Guthrie's  ears  that  he 
turned  round  and  told  Mr.  Bronson,  right  up  and  down,  that 
he  musn't  show  no  partiality.  If  a  spitter  wasn't  catched 
spitting  on  the  platform  now,  give  him  his  regular  meal.  This 
touched  Mr.  Bronson  a  little,  and  he  said  he  was  able  to  do  the 
honors  of  his  own  table,  and  he  would  attend  to  the  duties  of 
his  office  if  Mr.  Guthrie  would  his.  Mr.  Guthrie  said  that 
was  rebellion,  so  he  brought  him  to  the  block,  and  chopped  his 
head  off. 

Uncle  Joshua  says  it  is  a  very  misfortunate  business,  and 
has  thrown  the  whole  party  into  a  high  fever.  The  fever 
rages  the  hardest  in  the  "  section  "  of  the  New  York  Hards, 
and  looks  as  though  it  might  prove  fatal.  But  Gineral  Gush- 
ing, who  is  very  skillful  in  such  matters,  has  put  a  blister 
plaster  to  the  Massachusetts  Softs,  in  hopes  of  drawing  out 
the  inflammation  from  the  New  York  Hards.  But  Uncle 
Joshua  says  he  don't  think  the  party  is  out  of  danger  yet. 
But  as  long  as  there's  life  there's  hope  ;  so  let  us  all  keep  a 
stiff  upper  lip  and  go  ahead. 

Your  faithful  friend  and  Minister-Gineral, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LXXYII. 

THE  OSTEND  CONGRESS THE  THREE    s's,    SOULE,    SICKLES,    AND    SAUN- 
DERS  PEABODY's  FOURTH  OF  JULY  DINNER  IN   LONDON DEMOCRACY 

IN  ENGLAND,  FRANCE,  AND  SPAIN. 

Letter  of  Instructions  to  President  Fierce  and  Cabinet. 

OsTEND,  October  28,  1854. 
Dear  Gineral  :— We  are  all  prowlin'  round  here,  and  duing 
the  best  we  can,  though  we  haint  made  out  to  fetch  matters 
to  a  head  yet ;  but  I  guess  we  are  in  a  pretty  fair  way  for  it. 


420  MT    THIRTY    YEARS 

Our  team's  got  grit  enough,  and,  by  jingo,  they'll  haul  the 
load  they  hitch  on  to,  or  else  somethin's  got  to  give  way.  Mr. 
Buchanan  and  Mr.  Mason  isn't  quite  spry  enough  ;  they  are  a 
little  on  the  old  fogy  fashion,  and  not  always  ready  to  come 
up  to  the  scratch  ;  but  with  Mr.  Sickles  spurrin'  up  on  one 
side,  and  Mr.  Sanders  spurrin'  on  t'other  ride,  and  Mr.  Souley 
jrivin'  up  behind,  we  make  out  to  get  a  pretty  good  pull  out  of 
Ihem  sometimes.  We've  got  things  so  far  ahead  here  that 
Mr.  Sickles  and  Mr.  Sanders  thinks  I  better  write  a  dispatch 
to  you  and  the  Cabinet  to  home  and  give  you  some  instruc- 
tions how  to  go  on. 

I'll  tell  you  what  ^tis,  Gineral,  (when  I  call  you  Gineral,  I 
sometimes  eenamost  feel  as  if  I  was  writin^  to  Gineral 
Jackson  again  ;)  I  say,  Gineral,  I'll  tell  you  what  'tis,  them 
three  S's  (Sickles,  Sanders,  and  Souley)  are  the  three 
smartest  chaps  that  ever  growed  in  North  America.  They 
make  Europe  stan'  round,  and  no  mistake.  Mr,  Souley  holds 
old  Spain  between  his  thumb  and  finger,  and  whisks  her 
about  jest  as  he's  a  mind  to.  Queen  and  all  ;  Mr.  Sanders  lays 
down  the  Democratic  law  to  France,  and  stans  a  pretty  fair 
chance  to  be  chose  President  of  the  new  French  Republic  after 
Napoleon  goes  out ;  and  as  for  old  John  Bull,  I'll  be  licked  if 
I  think  the  critter  dares  to  stir  an  inch  while  Sickles  holds  him 
by  the  horns. 

I  suppose  you've  seen  them  letters — how  Mr.  Sickles 
snubbed  Peabody,  the  great  merchant  banker,  about  the  4th 
of  July  dinner.  Capital,  wasn't  it  ?  Ye  see,  Mr.  Peabody  gin 
a  4th  of  July  dinner.  He's  always  doing  sich  things  or  giving 
money  away  for  somethin  or  other  ;  for  they  say  he's  got 
money  enough  to  buy  a  kingdom.  Wall,  he  invited  Mr. 
Sickles  to  come  and  jine  the  rest  of  us  and  have  a  good  set 
down.  But,  ye  see,  Mr.  Peabody  didn't  know  how  much 
patriotism  and  real  Democratic  grit  there  was  stowed  away 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  421 

in  Mr.  Sickles'  breast  ;  he  had  no  idea  o'nt  ;  and  that  was 
the  rock  he  split  on.  You'll  hardly  believe  me,  Gineral,  when 
I  say  it,  but  it's  a  fact,  Mr.  Peabody  had  Englishmen  there  to 
help  eat  that  dinner  I  It's  a  melancholy  fact,  but  it's  true. 
If  he  had  had  half  a  table  full  of  cannibals  we  could  all  a 
stood  it,  and  fit  our  way  through  ;  but  Mr.  Sickles  couldn't 
stand  Englishmen.  He  had  too  much  Democratic  blood  in  him 
for  that.  To  mix  up  Democrats  and  Englishmen  at  the  same 
table  was  awful.  But  that  wasn't  the  worst  of  it.  When  Mr. 
Sickles  got  there  he  couldn't  hardly  believe  his  own  eyes  ;  for 
there  was  a  portrait  of  the  Queen  hung  right  up  in  the  same 
room  with  Gineral  Washington  I  Wasn't  that  a  stumper  ? 
No  wonder  Mr.  Sickles'  Democratic  blood  biled  over.  But 
that  wasn't  the  worst  of  it.  When  they  come  to  give  the 
toasts,  they  toasted  the  Queen  I  The  rest  of  the  folks  stood 
up  to  drink  the  toast,  but  Mr.  Sickles  grit  his  teeth  and  sot 
down  as  hard  as  a  thousand  of  brick  ;  and  he  felt  so  disgusted 
he  couldn't  eat  another  mouthful.  And  when  the  music,  to 
increase  the  insult,  struck  up  "  God  save  the  Queen,"  Mr. 
Sickles  took  his  hat  and  marched  out.  There  was  spunk  that 
Young  America  aught  to  be  proud  of  I  That  Mr.  Buchanan 
didn't  take  his  hat  and  march  out  too  only  shows  that  he's  an 
Old  Fogy. 

We've  held  our  Congress,  and  got  things  in  a  middling  good 
train,  though,  as  I  said  before,  we  haint  brought  matters 
quite  to  a  head  yet.  We  managed  better  than  your  Congress 
does.  We  didn't  stop  to  make  so  many  long-winded  speeches, 
but  talked  right  to  the  pint,  and  got  through  in  a  few  days. 
The  members  chose  me  President  of  the  Congress  the  first 
thing  ;  for  they  said  I  was  nearest  akin  to  Gineral  Jackson 
of  any  of  'em,  and  the  honor  belonged  to  me  ;  so  I  had  to  take 
the  cheer.  I  returned  thanks  for  the  honor,  of  course,  and 
then  proceeded  to  business.     I  beginned  by  callin  for  the  re- 


422 


MY    THIRTY   YEARS 


ports  of  the  committees  that  had  the  business  in  hand  afore 
we  met. 

I  called  for  the  report  on  England  first,  out  of  respect  to 
her  being  our  venerable  old  mother.  Mr.  Sickles,  who  was 
the  head  of  that  committee,  reported  that  John  Bull  was  an 
obstinate  Old  Fogy,  and  he  had  found  it  very  hard  to  make 
any  impression  upon  him.  The  people  all  seemed  to  be  tied 
to  the  Queen's  apron  strings,  and  didn't  appear  to  care  no 


MR.  SICKLES  WHIPPING  DEMOCRACY  INTO  JOHN  BULL. 


more  about  Democracy  than  a  horse  does  about  his  grand- 
father. Still  he  had  faith  to  believe  that  they  could  be  made 
to  take  it,  and  when  the  time  comes  he  was  ready  to  off  coat 
and  roll  up  his  sleeves  and  whip  it  into  'em.     [Cheers.] 

Upon  the  question  of  accepting  Mr.  Sickles'  report,  Mr. 
Buchanan  rose  and  said  he  objected  to  the  term  Old  Fogy  ; 
he  never  did  like  the  term,  and  he  thought  it  would  do  more 
hurt  than  good  in  the  report,  and  he  moved  that  it  be  struck 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE. 


428 


out.  Mr.  Sanders  said  no  ;  that  was  the  very  cream  of  the 
report,  and  he  objected  to  its  being  struck  out.  It  was  then 
put  to  vote,  and  Mr.  Buchanan  and  Mr.  Mason  voted  unani- 
mously to  strike  it  out,  and  the  rest  of  us  all  voted  to  keep 
it  in;  so  ''Old  Fogy"  stands  in  the  report  by  a  strong 
majority. 

I  then  called  for  the  report  on  France. 

Mr.  Sanders  made  a  long  report  ;  but  the  substance  was, 
that  the  Democratic  crop  in  France  wasn't  quite  ripe  enough 
to  harvest.  Napoleon  had  filled  the  people's  heads  so  full  of 
the  Eastern  war  and  glory  that  they  couldn't  think  of  nothin' 
else  but  raising  troops  to  go  to  the  Black  Sea,  and  give  the 
Russians  an  all-fired  thrashin',  and  storm  the  Malakoff,  and 
blow  all  Sebastapol  down  about  their  ears.  So  it  was  no 
use,  jest  now,  to  try  to  light  the  fires  of  Democracy  in 
France.  "But,"  said  Mr.  Sanders,  "there's  a  good  time 
comin',  boys— wait  a  little  longer."     [Cheers.] 

Mr.  Sanders'  report  was  unanimously  accepted,  with  a  pro- 
viso that,  while  we  had  to  wait  a  little  longer,  we  shouldn't 
stop  working,  but  keep  stirrin'  round  and  trying  to  get  up  a 
muss  somehow  as  soon  as  possible. 

I  then  called  for  the  report  on  Spain.  And  here  we  all  felt 
quite  sure  we  should  get  something  pretty  nice. 

Mr.  Souley  rose,  with  fire  in  his  eye  and  honey  and  thunder 
on  his  tongue.  He  reported  that  if  there  was  any  sich  thing 
as  getting  sunbeams  out  of  a  cowcumber  he  could  do  it  ;  and 
he  had  come  pesky  near  kindlin'  the  flame  of  Democracy  from 
one  end  of  Spain  to  t'other.  He  had  churned  the  cream  of 
Spanish  Democracy,  and  churned  it  well,  and  the  butter  begun 
to  come  and  swim  on  the  top  of  the  buttermilk,  and  he  thought 
for  awhile  the  bisness  was  done  ;  but  when  he  looked  into 
the  churn  again,  to  his  amazement,  the  witchcraft  of  despot- 
ism had  got  the  upper  hand,  and  the  butter  was  all  meltm' 


424 


MY    THIRTT    YEARg 


back  ag-ain  into  the  buttermilk.  "But,''  says  he,  "as  true  as 
Jackson  flogged  the  British  at  New  Orleans,  TU  have  a  red- 
hot  horse-shoe  before  long  to  put  into  that  churn,  and  then 
butter  must  come."     [Cheers.] 


MR.  SOULE  CHURNING  THE  DEMOCRACY  OE  OLD  SPAIN. 


So  you  see,  Gineral,  how  things  is  over  here.  We  can't  do 
much  jest  yet,  but  j^ou  may  depend  on  it  there  is  great  times 
ahead.  You  and  Mr.  Marc}^  and  the  rest,  must  hold  on  and 
try  to  keep  things  snug  and  tight  at  home,  till  we  get  our 
■Government  under  way  over  here,  and   we'll  cut   out  Bonio 


OUT   OF   THE    SENATE.  425 

work  for  you  to  do  before  long  ;  and  them  matters  and  things 
that  we  don't  send  over  any  particular  directions  about,  you 
and  the  Cabinet  must  try  to  get  along  with  and  manage 
accordin'  to  your  best  discretion.  But  you  better  be  gettin' 
your  forces  ready  as  fast  as  possible,  for  we  may  call  for  'em 
at  any  moment.  You  better  enlist  the  old  Downingville  com- 
pany, and  get  Cousin  Sargent  Joel  to  take  command  of  it. 
Get  Mr,  Marcy  to  plan  out  the  right  sort  of  uniform,  and  get 
my  friend  Cushing  to  address  'em  and  fill  'em  full  of  grit  and 
ginger,  so  they  can't  be  held  back,  but  will  be  ready,  at  a 
moment's  warning,  to  "  march,"  and  carry  Democracy  all 
over  Eurup,  and  Asha,  and  Afraky,  and  America. 

Postscript. — I  don't  know  but  the  muss  is  begun,  and  we 
may  have  to  send  over  by  the  next  steamer  for  Sargent  Joel 
and  his  company  to  come  on.  The  French  Emperor  has  got 
frightened  or  mad  about  matters,  I  don't  know  which,  and 
has  snubbed  Mr.  Souley,  and  forbid  his  settin'  a  foot  on  his 
land.  He  turned  him  right  out  of  the  doors  of  France,  and 
told  him  to  go  about  his  business  somewhere  else.  This  was 
when  Mr.  Souley  was  on  his  way  home  to  Spain  from  our 
Congress,  which  we  held  at  Ostend  ;  for  we  was  very  careful 
not  to  hold  it  in  France,  nor  Spain,  nor  England,  so  as  not  to 
stir  up  a  muss  with  the  Governments  before  it  was  time. 
But  Napoleon  has  been  foolish  enough  to  put  his  foot  in  it, 
and  now  we've  all  agreed  that  he  has  got  to  knock  under  and 
back  out,  or  smell  thunder. 

In  haste  and  some  agitation,  I  remain  your  old  friend  and 
Minister-Giueral  at  large, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


18* 


426  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 


LETTER  LXXVIII. 

private  dispatches  to  gineral  pierce not  to  be  give  up  to  con- 
gress if  they  call  for  it. 

Aboard  the  Fillibuster   Schooner  Two  Follies,  ^ 

0£f  the  "  Hole  in  the  Wall,"  near  the  middle  of  V 

March,  I  forget  the  day  of  the  Month,  1855.  ) 

Dear  Gineral  : — We  are  skuddin'  round  here,  and  holding 
on  to  the  slack,  waitin'  for  more  help  to  come  up,  and  you 
may  depend  on't  Cuba's  got  to  take  it.  We  don't  never  give 
up  the  ship.  A  fast  little  clipper  jest  come  along,  going  to 
Baltimore,  and  the  skipper  said  he'd  take  my  dispatches  to 
you  in  three  days.  And  you  can  send  to  me  by  the  skipper, 
your  notions  about  things  ;  for  he's  only  going  to  stop  long 
enough  to  wood  up,  and  then  he's  coming  right  strait  back  to 
jine  us.  He  made  me  promise  to  hold  on  and  not  take  Cuba 
till  he  comes,  for  he  was  very  earnest  to  be  in  at  the  death. 

That  Cuba's  a  fine  country.  We've  been  having  a  glimpse 
at  it  once  in  awhile  with  our  spy-glasses,  through  the  "  Hole 
in  the  Wall,"  and  round  the  corners,  and  it's  raly  a  fine 
country  ;  'twould  do  your  heart  good  to  look  at  it.  And  you 
shall  have  a  chance  before  long,  for  it's  got  to  come  down  ; 
it's  got  to  'nuckle,  and  no  mistake.  I've  got  my  commis- 
sion to  go  ahead  from  Mr.  Buchanan,  and  Mr.  Mason,  and  Mr. 
Souley.  And  the  nub  of  the  whole  thing  is,  we've  got  to  take 
Cuba,  "  if  we  have  the  power  ;"  and  I  know  we  have,  as  Sally 
Giles  said  to  her  sweetheart.  Says  Sally,  says  she,  "  you 
shan't  kiss  me  unless  you  are  stronger  than  I  am,  and  I 
know  you  be." 


THE  SCHOONER  "  TWO  FOLLIES''  SCUDDING  ROUND  CUBA, 


(427) 


428  MY    THIRTY    YEAR3 

Just  before  we  come  out,  I  see  by  the  papers  that  Louis 
Napoleon  was  a  notion  of  goin'  to  the  Crimea  to  see  Sevastopol 
fall,  and  so  I  thought  maybe  you  might  like  to  come  out  here 
and  sec  us  take  Cuba.  Now,  if  you  du,  jest  say  the  word, 
and  tell  me  in  your  letter  what  day  you  will  be  down  on  the 
pint  of  Florida,  and  I'll  bear  up  with  the  Two  Follies  and  take 
you  off. 

You  mustn't  feel  hurt  because  I  didn't  come  to  Washington 
to  see  you  before  starting  on  this  cruifee  ;  but  the  fact  was,  I 
hadn't  time.  Our  country  was  in  so  much  danger  it  wouldn't 
do  to  wait.  Our  Congress  in  Ostend  went  over  the  whole 
ground,  and  examined  it  carefully,  and  come  to  the  conclusion 
that  it  was  neck  or  nothing  with  us.  We  must  have  Cuba  or 
our  whole  country  would  go  to  rack  and  ruin,  and  we  agreed 
that  "  the  Union  can  never  enjoy  respose  nor  possess  reliable 
security  as  long  as  Cuba  is  not  embraced  within  its 
boundaries." 

I  sent  you  a  dispatch  last  fall  about  the  duins  of  our  Con- 
gress at  Ostend,  where  we  took  up  the  affairs  of  England,  and 
France,  and  Spain  ;  but  finally  concluded  we  couldn't  make 
anything  out  of  that  business  yet,  and  should  have  to  wait  a 
little  longer.  Well,  then  them  three  S's— Souley,  Sickles,  and 
Sanders—said  there  was  one  thing  we  could  du  ;  we  could 
take  hold  of  that  Cuba  business  and  finish  it  up  brown.  And, 
for  fear  that  Louis  Napoleon  might  have  spies  round  us  there 
at  Ostend,  we  concluded  it  was  best  to  hitch  a  little  further 
off.  So  we  went  over  to  Ax-lcShapple  and  finished  up  the 
business. 

The  upshot  Vv^as,  we  concluded  we  would  have  Cuba  by 
hook  or  by  crook  ;  and  that  Mr.  Souley  should  go  riglit  back 
to  old  Spain  and  tell  the  Queen  so.  If  she'd  a  mind  to  give 
it  up  quietly  and  make  no  fuss  about  it,  he  might  promise  to 
give  her  somethin'  pretty  handsome  in  the  way  of  money  ;  wu 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATR.  429 

didn^t  care  notliiu'  about  that,  as  weVe  got  plenty  of  money 
to  home.  If  slie  refused,  and  told  Mr.  Souley  to  mind  his  own 
business,  and  we  yhoiildu't  have  Cuba  no  how,  then  we  told 
him  he  mustn't  be  mealy-mouthed,  nor  mince  matters,  but  pick 
a  quarrel  the  best  way  he  could  and  clear  out. 

Well,  Mr.  Souley  went  back  to  Madrid  with  a  stiff  upper 
lip,  and  begun  to  try  to  dicker  with  the  Queen's  spokesman 
for  a  bargain,  somethin'  in  this  way  : 

Souley.  "  Oh,  now  I  think  of  it,  there's  the  little  Island  of 
Cuba  over  there  near  our  coast  ;  we'd  like  to  have  that  little 
island,  if  it's  all  the  same  to  you.  I  s'pose  you've  no 
objections  ;  it  isn't  the  least  use  in  the  world  to  you,  and  it 
might  be  some  little  account  to  us.  So,  if  you  say  so,  we'll 
jest  mark  Cuba  down  on  the  map  of  the  United  States." 

Spokesman.  "  Not  by  a  jug  full,  Mr,  Souley  ;  Cuba  is  the 
most  valuable  patch  of  ground  we've  got.  Can't  spare  it 
no  how.*' 

Souley.  "  Oh,  nonsense  ;  it's  no  income  at  all  to  you,  and 
nothin'  but  a  bill  of  expense.  It's  so  near  to  us  we  might 
look  after  it,  and  maybe  make  somethin'  out  of  it  ;  but  it's  no 
more  use  to  you  than  the  fifth  wheel  to  a  coach.  I  guess 
we'll  consider  it  ours." 

Spokesman.  "  I  guess  you  won't.  I  tell  you  we  can't  spare 
Cuba  no  how.  It's  the  pride  of  the  Spanish  kingdom,  and  the 
gem  of  the  Queen's  crown." 

Souley.  "  Well,  but,  my  dear  sir,  we  wouldn't  mind  paying 
you  quite  a  handsome  sum  for  it  ;  a  hundred  millions,  if  3~ou 
say  so.     We  won't  scrimp  about  the  price." 

Spokesman,  "  There  is  no  price  to  it.  Carry  your  hundred 
millions  to  some  other  market  if  you  want  to  buy  honor  with 
it,     I  tell  you  the  honor  of  old  Spain  has  no  price." 

Souiey.  "  But,  my  dear  sir,  you  don't  consider  what  a 
wonderful  deal  of  help  a  million  would  be  to  you.     You  must 


430  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

remember  you  are  getting  a  good  deal  behind  hand.  You've 
no  income  hardly,  and  you  are  a  good  deal  in  debt.  Only  look 
at  it  ;  a  hundred  millions  will  enable  you  to  pay  off  your 
debts,  and  make  internal  improvements,  and  build  railroads 
and  telegraphs  all  over  your  country,  so  that  you  can  spruce 
up  and  live  comfortable,  and  get  ahead  in  the  world.  Say  the 
word,  and  the  hundred  millions  is  yours." 

Spokesman.  "  Offer  your  hundred  millions  to  some  beggar 
who  wants  it.  The  ancient  and  proud  kingdom  of  Spain  is 
no  beggar,  sir,     I'll  thank  you,  sir,  not  to  insult  me." 

Souley.  "  I  don't  intend  any  insult,  sir  ;  but  I'll  be  frank 
and  plain  with  you.  The  fact  is,  we  must  have  that  island. 
It  is  absolutely  necessary  for  the  safety  and  welfare  of  the 
United  States.     Our  country  can't  get  along  without  it." 

Sjpokesvian.     "  That's  your  look  out,  not  mine." 

Souley.  "  Well,  now,  Mr.  Spokesman,  you  know  your 
people  out  there  in  Cuba  have  for  a  long  time  been  insulting 
our  folks,  searching  their  vessels,  and  firing  into  their 
steamers,  and  sometimes  ketching  our  people  and  shooting  'em, 
or  putting  'em  in  dungeons.  There's  a  long  account  of  these 
things  that  you  must  settle  right  up,  pint  plank,  or  suffer  the 
consequences.  There's  three  hundred  thousand  dollars  you've 
got  to  pay  for  stopping  the  steamer  Black  Warrior,  and  a  great 
many  other  things  as  bad  as  that.  These  matters  have  got  to 
be  settled  right  up,  or  Cuba's  got  to  stand  in  the  gap." 

Spokes77ian.  "  Can't  help  that.  If  you've  got  any  accounts 
to  settle,  we'll  leave  it  out  to  a  third  party  to  say  how  we 
shall  settle.  We  don't  owe  you  a  cent  for  the  Black  Warrior. 
She  broke  our  laws,  and  we  fined  her  six  thousand  dollars  ; 
and  then  we  give  back  the  fine  after  all,  when  we  might  a 
kept  the  vessel.  And  you  are  so  ungrateful  as  not  to  thank 
us  for  it." 

Souley.     "  I  won't  stau'   this  foolery  no  longer.     Leave  it 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE.  431 

out  I  No,  we  know  how  to  settle  our  own  business  best. 
Now,  sir,  you've  got  to  settle  all  our  accounts  right  up,  and 
fix  things  about  Cuba,  so  we  shan't  never  have  any  more 
trouble,  or  else  give  us  up  the  island  to  manage  in  our  own 
way.  Now,  I'm  agoin'  to  give  you  jest  two  weeks  to  think 
of  this  business,  and  give  me  your  answer  ;  and  if  it  isn't 
settled  by  that  time,  I  shall  clear  out  and  go  home,  and  tJien 
youHl  hear  thunder  !     Good-by,  sir." 

That  Souley's  a  smart  feller,  Gineral.  He  talked  right  up 
to  'em,  and  wasn't  afeared.  Well,  he  waited  till  the  two 
weeks  was  out,  and  no  answer  didn't  come  ;  and  then  he  slat 
round  and  picked  up  his  clothes,  and  locked  up  his  trunks, 
and  cleared  out.  Then  he  come  over  where  we  had  been  wait- 
ing for  him,  and  told  us  how  the  business  stood.  He  said  old 
Spain  refused  to  give  up  Cuba,  and  refused  to  settle,  and  he 
had  got  the  quarrel  in  such  a  shape  now,  that  we  would  carry 
it  on  any  way  to  suit  ourselves.  "And  now/'  said  Mr. 
Souley,  "  what's  to  be  done  next  ?  '^ 

Wal,  says  I,  Mr  Souley,  you've  only  jest  got  to  look  at 
the  instructions  drawn  up  by  our  Congress,  at  Ax-le-Shapple, 
and  signed  by  you,  and  Mr.  Buchanan,  and  Mr.  Mason,  and 
you'll  see  the  course  is  marked  out  as  plain  as  A,  B,  C.  Jest 
open  the  dockyment  and  read.     It  says  : 

"  Cuba  is  as  necessary  to  the  North  American  Republic  as 
any  of  its  present  members." 

"The  Union  can  never  enjoy  repose,  nor  possess  reliable  se- 
curity as  long  as  Cuba  is  not  embraced  within  its  boundaries." 

"  But  if  Spain,  deaf  to  the  voice  of  her  own  interest,  and 
actuated  by  stubborn  pride  and  a  false  sense  of  honor,  should 
refuse  to  sell  Cuba  to  the  United  States  " — what  then  ? 

"  Self-preservation  is  the  first  law  of  nature  with  States  as 
well  as  with  individuals." 

Matters   and   things  being  thus   and  so,  "  then,  by  every 


432  MY    THIRTY    TEARS 

law,  human  and  divine,  we  shall  be  justified  in  wresting  Cuba 
from  Spain,  if  we  possess  the  power," 

There,  says  I,  there's  your  chart,  as  plain  as  the  nose 
on  a  man's  face  ;  and  all  we've  got  to  do  is  to  go  ahead.  So 
we  all  put  our  heads  together  to  draw  up  a  plan  of  the  cam- 
paign, and  we  wasn't  long  about  it.  It  was  finally  concluded 
that  Sanders  should  go  and  stir  up  the  Southern  division, 
head-quarters  at  New  Orleans  ;  Sickles  should  take  charge  of 
the  center  wing,  head-quarters  at  Washington,  and  a  branch 
at  New  York  ;  and  I  should  go  as  fast  as  possible  "  Down 
East,"  head-quarters  at  Downingville,  and  fit  out  a  naval  force 
that  would  put  Cuba  through.  And  here  I  am,  Gineral,  and 
you  may  depend  on't  the  work's  got  to  be  done. 

But  now  I  must  ask  you,  Gineral,  what  in  thunder  Mr. 
Marcy  means  by  backin'  and  fillin'  so.  I  have  jest  got  some 
of  the  latest  New  York  papers  by  an  outer-bound  vessel,  and 
one  of  the  first  things  I  see  is  Mr.  Marcy's  letter  to  Mr.  Souley> 
dated  13th  of  November,  and  it  is  so  full  of  milk  and  water  it 
makes  me  fairly  sick.  I  was  always  a  little  afraid  Marcy  was 
an  Old  Fogy,  but  I  did  think  he  had  a  little  more  back-bone 
than  he  shows  in  this  letter.  He's  no  Christian,  and  he's  vio- 
lated the  Scripter,  for  he  has  put  his  hand  to  the  plough  and 
looked  back.  He  seems  now  to  be  for  smoothing  over  matters  ; 
thinks  maybe  our  country  could  manage  some  how  or  other  to 
get  along  without  Cuba  ;  don't  know  but  what  old  Spain 
means  to  do  the  thing  that's  about  right  after  all  ;  better 
dicker  with  her  a  little  longer  in  a  friendly  kind  of  a  way  ; 
better  not  do  anything  to  afront  her  ;  keep  things  quiet  till 
Spain  gets  in  the  right  mood,  and  then,  if  she  won't  sell  us 
Cuba,  perhaps  she'll  settle  and  pay  up. 

Now,  I  tell  you  what  'tis,  Gineral,  our  Eurup  Cabinet  don't 
swallow  no  sich  milk  and  water  stuff  as  that.  What's  got  into 
Mr.  Marcy  ?     Last  year  he  told   Mr.  Souley  to  demand   three 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  433 

hundred  thousand  dollars  for  the  Black  Warrior,  right  down 
on  the  nail,  and  not  stop  to  parley  about  it.  But  now  he 
quivers  and  shakes  one  way  and  t'other,  like  a  leaf  in  the  wind. 
Pm  afraid  Mr.  Marcy  is  getting  old.  And  there's  poor  old 
Uncle  Joshua,  Postmaster  of  Downingville,  I  find  he's  getting 
old  and  timersum  too.  When  I  got  home  to  Downingville 
and  told  the  family  I  was  going  to  fit  out  the  Two  PoUies, 
and  be  off  the  next  day  to  take  Cuba,  Uuncle  Joshua  was 
struck  all  of  a  heap. 

Says  he,  "  Major,  I  beg  of  you  not  to  go  into  any  of  that 
fiUibustering  business  ;  it's  next  akin  to  piracy  ;  and  there's 
the  neutrality  laws  dead  agin  you,  too." 

"  Oh,  no,"  says  I,  "  Uncle  Joshua,  I  aint  going  to  undertake 
any  of  your  low  fiUibusterin'  ;  Pm  only  jest  going  out  to 
take  Cuba  man-fashion,  because  our  country  can't  get  along 
without  it,  and  self-preservation,  you  know,  is  the  first  law  of 
nater,  and  because  old  Spain  keeps  insulting  of  us  and  won't 
pay  up." 

"  But  don't  you  see.  Major,"  says  Uncle  Joshua,  "  if  you  go 
to  take  Cuba,  you  are  making  war  upon  Spain  ;  and  you  can't 
do  that  according  to  the  Constitution.  Nobody  in  this 
country  has  any  power  to  make  war  but  Congress." 

"  But  you're  mistaken  there.  Uncle  Joshua,"  says  I.  "  Didn't 
Mr.  Polk  make  war  upon  Mexico  ?" 

**  No,  by  no  means,"  said  Uncle  Joshua.  *'  If  you  look 
back  and  read  the  dockyments  of  them  days,  you  will 
find  it  reads,  '  Whereas  war  exists  between  this  country  and 
Mexico.'  You  see  that  war  come  itself  But  you  have  no 
right  10  make  war  upon  Spain  or  Cuba  unless  you  get  your 
authority  from  Congress.  That  is  according  to  the  Consti- 
tution." 

"  Wal,  uncle,  I  have  got  my  authority  from  Congress,"  says 
I  ;  "  what  more  do  you  want  ?" 


434  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

"  Oh,  no,"  says  he  ;  "  Congress  haint  declared  war,  because 
it  would  be  in  the  papers,  and  I  should  a  seen  it." 

"  But  I  don't  mean  your  lazy  Old  Fogy  Congress  to  Wash- 
ington," says  I  ;  "  I  mean  our  Eurup  Congress." 

And  then  I  took  the  dockyment  out  of  my  pocket  and 
showed  it  to  him,  signed  by  Mr.  Buchanan,  and  Mr.  Mason, 
and  Mr.  Souley.  At  first  he  was  thunder-struck,  and  couldn't 
say  nothin'.  Then  he  fell  back  on  the  Constitution  agin,  jest 
as  he  always  does,  and  said  he  didn't  believe  our  Congress 
over  there  in  Eurup  was  constitutional.  Then  he  reached  up 
to  the  shelf  and  took  down  the  old  Constitution,  covered  with 
morocco  leather,  that  Gineral  Jackson  sent  him  more  than 
twenty  years  ago,  and  he  put  on  his  spectacles  and  looked  it 
all  over  from  beginning  to  end,  and  said  he  couldn't  find 
nothin'  about  any  Congress  in  Eurup. 

"But  if  you  call  your  meeting  over  there  in  Eurup  a 
Congress,"  says  he,  "  I  should  like  to  know  where  you  find 
your  authority  in  the  Constitution  to  make  war  upon  Spain 
or  to  go  fiUibusterin'  about  Cuba." 

"Why,  Uncle  Joshua,"  says  I,  "  we  find  it  in  that  clause 
where  it  says  '  /  take  the  responsibility.'  " 

"  There  !"  said  Cousin  Sargent  Joel,  who  had  been  listening 
all  the  time  without  saying  a  word  ;  "  there,  father,"  says  he, 
"  I  knew  you  would  find  the  authority  in  the  Constitution  some- 
where. That's  one  of  the  amendments  to  the  Constitution  that 
was  added  by  Gineral  Jackson,  you  know,  and  therefore  it 
must  be  right." 

Then  Sargent  Joel  turned  to  me,  and  says  he,  "  Major,  I've 
been  round  and  notified  the  whole  company  of  the  Downingville 
militia,  and  they  are  all  ready,  armed  and  equipped  as  the  law 
directs,  and  will  be  aboard  to-morrow  at  ten  o'clock.  They 
are  full  of  grit,  and  ready  to  swallow  Cuba  alive." 

I  haint  got  near  through  my  story,  Gineral,  for  I  wanted  to 


OUT    OF   THE    SENATE. 


435 


tell  you  more  about  fitting  out  the  Tiuo  Follies,  and  about  the 
crew,  and  the  sogers,  and  the  marines,  and  the  hoss-marines, 
and  the  vige,  but  I  shan't  have  room  in  this  dispatch,  and  the 
little  clipper  that's  waitin'  for  me  to  finish  writing,  has  got  a 
smart  wind  and  wants  to  be  off.  If  I  don't  see  you  standing 
on  the  pint  of  Floriday  as  we  go  by,  I  shall  take  it  for  granted 


PRESIDENT    PIERCE   ON    THE    POINT    OF    FLORIDA,     HAILING    THE     "  TWO 

FOLLIES." 


that  you  have  concluded  not  to  go  out  to  see  us  take  Cuba  ; 
but  if  I  see  a  man  standing  there,  and  swinging  his  hat,  I 
shall  know  it's  you,  and  we'll  bear  right  up  with  the  Two 
Follies  and  take  you  off. 

I  remain  your  old  friend,  and   Minister-Gineral   at  large, 
and  Rear  Commodore  of  the  fillibuster  fleet, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


4B6  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 


LETTER  LXXIX. 

} 


Aboard  the  Schooner  Two  Follies, 
Sailin'  round  Cuba  and  up  the  Gulf,  September,  1855 


Dear  Gineral  Jackson  : — (There,  what  an  awful  mistake 
I've  made  I  I  meant  Dear  Gineral  Pierce  ;  but  my  poor  old 
brains  has  been  runnin'  a  good  deal  to-day  on  that  old  and 
true  friend  of  mine,  Gineral  Jackson,  and  I  s'pose  that  made 
the  word  slip  off  my  pen  before  I  thought  of  it.) 

The  truth  is,  Gineral  Pierce,  I  don't  feel  satisfied  with  ray 
treatment,  to  be  left  here  alone  all  summer  to  bear  the  whole 
brunt  of  this  fillibuster  war,  sailin'  about  in  these  hot  climates, 
where  we  light  our  pipes  by  the  sun  without  matches,  and 
exposin'  our  lives  all  the  time  ;  and  two  out  of  our  men  has 
died  with  the  yaller  fever,  and  not  a  soul  sent  out  to  back  me 
up,  and  help  me  take  Cuba — not  a  single  war-vessel,  nor  a 
steamer,  nor  a  private  fillibuster,  nor  even  so  much  as  Bill 
Johnson  on  a  pine-log  with  a  fowlin'-piece. 

What  did  you  expect  me  to  do  ?  Was  I  to  pitch  into  the 
Moro  Castle  alone  ?  The  whole  English  fleet — the  greatest 
fleet  in  the  world— was  afraid  to  pitch  into  Cronstadt,  up  there 
in  the  Baltic.  The  Two  Follies  is  brave  and  sure  fire,  but  I 
don't  think  it's  hardly  reasonable  to  match  her  alone  agin  the 
Moro,  though  Fve  sometimes  almost  swore  I  would  do  it,  hit 
or  miss,  getting  so  out  of  patience  waitin'  all  summer  for  re- 
enforcements.  And  sometimes  Pd  have  a  real  time  thinkin' 
of  Gineral  Jackson,  and  saying  to  myself,  if  Old  Hickory  was 
only  at  the  helm — I  don't  mean  the  helm  of  the  Two  Follies, 
but  the  helm  of  Government — I  guess  things  wouldn't  go  on 
at  this  rate.     There  wouldn't  be  no  backin'  and  fiUin'  then  ;  it 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  437 

would  be  plain  sailin',  straight  ahead,  and  everybody  would 
know  where  they  was  goin'  to  fetch  up.  If  Old  Hickory  put 
his  foot  down  on  fifty-four  forty,  it  would  be  thei-e,  and  you 
needn't  look  for  it  on  forty-nine.  If  the  Spanish  folks  had  a 
took  the  Black  Warrior  steamer  under  his  Administration, 
and  he  had  demanded  three  hundred  thousand  dollars  to  pay 
the  damages  and  wipe  out  the  insult,  the  money  would  have 
to  be  planked  right  down  on  the  nail,  or  the  hair  would  fly 
somewhere.  And  if  he  had  fairly  made  up  his  mind,  as  our 
Congress  did  at  Ostend  and  Ax-le-Shapple,  that  Cuba  was  as 
necessary  to  our  Government  as  ary  one  of  the  States,  and 
that  we  couldn't  get  along  without  it,  and,  therefore,  "  by 
every  law,  human  and  divine,  we  had  the  right  to  take  it  if 
we  possessed  the  power,"  the  whole  business  would  a  been 
done  in  three  weeks,  and  Cuba  marked  down  on  the  map  of 
the  United  States.  But  a  backin'  and  fillin'  and  wrigglin' 
policy  never  will  fetch  anything  about ;  and  I  don't  raily  be- 
lieve we  are  so  near  having  Cuba  now  as  we  was  six  months 
ago. 

If  Mr.  Buchanan  had  only  been  at  home,  I  know  he  wouldn't 
have  left  the  whole  business  on  my  hands  alone  so  long  with- 
out sending  me  help  ;  but  you  have  kept  his  hands  tied  all 
this  time  in  London,  so  he  couldn't  do  nothin'.  And  poor 
Mr.  Mason,  he's  been  sick  at  Paris,  and  he  couldn't  do  nothin'. 
And  Mr.  Souley  has  had  so  many  other  fish  to  fry,  he 
wouldn't  do  nothin'.  And  as  for  Sanders  and  Sickles,  I 
hear  they  have  gone  off  to  Russia,  to  see  about  setting 
up  a  new  Democratic  Republic  there,  or  else  annexin' 
Russia  to  the  United  States.  They  say  there  is  no  reason 
in  the  world  why  Russia  shouldn't  belong  to  us — there 
is  such  a  good  chance  to  run  a  telegraph  wire  across 
Beering's  Straits.  So  there  wasn't  nobody  left  to  back  me 
up  in  this  Cuba  business  but  you  and  the  Cabinet.     And  how 


438  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

have  you  and  they  done  it  ?  Yes,  Mr.  President,  how  have 
you  done  it  ?  I  must  speak  plain,  for  I  have  had  my  feelings 
a  good  many  times  badly  worked  up.  I  hope  there  hasn't 
been  any  treachery  in  your  Cabinet,  and  no  puUin'  the  rope 
over  the  roof  of  the  house  at  both  ends.  But  things  has 
looked  very  dark  and  foggy  to  me  sometimes.  You  haint 
sent  me  no  dispatches,  and  I've  had  to  keep  the  run  of  things 
by  the  newspapers  that  I  picked  up  here  and  there  from 
vessels  goin'  back  and  forth.  And  when  I  see  Commodore 
McCauley  was  coming  out  with  a  "force"  sufficient  to  blow 
every  Spanish  cruiser  to  thunder,  and  knock  the  More  into 
a  cocked  hat,  we  had  a  jolly  time  aboard  the  Two  Follies,  I 
tell  ye.  We  threw  up  our  hats  and  hoorah'd  about  an  hour 
right  out  strait. 

Wal,  arter  a  week  or  two,  when  we  got  most  tired  of 
waitin',  the  fleet  come  along.  I  bore  up  under  the  Com- 
modore's lea  and  hailed  him,  and  asked  him  where  the  Two 
Follies  should  hitch  on.  As  soon  as  he  see  it  was  me  he  was 
very  polite  ;  but  he  said  the  Two  Follies  better  keep  dark,  and 
lay  low  a  little  while,  till  he  went  into  Havana  and  recon- 
noitered  round,  and  then  he  should  know  exactly  what  to  do. 
So  we  waited  patiently  a  week  or  two  longer  ;  and  then  I 
hailed  a  Fenobscot  sloop.  Captain  Gilman,  an  old  acquaint- 
ance, who  had  been  into  Havana  with  a  load  of  lumber,  and 
was  homeward  bound  with  a  cargo  of  molasses  and  sugar. 

Says  I,  "  Gilman,  did  you  see  anything  of  Commodore 
McCauley  ?" 

"  See  him  ?     Yes,  I  see  him  every  day." 

"  Wal,  what's  he  about  all  this  time  ?  Has  he  took  the 
Moro,  and  the  city,  and  tlie  war  vessels,  without  giving  me  a 
chance  ?" 

"  No,  I  don't  think  he  has  took  anything,"  said  Gilman, 
"  but  the  Captain-Gineral  has  took  him." 


(439) 


440  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

My  dander  was  right  up,  I  tell  ye.  Says  I,  "  you  don't 
mean  to  say  he  has  took  our  Commodore  and  shut  him  up  in 
the  Moro  ?  If  he  has  Pll  go  right  in  with  the  Two  Follies  and 
blow  the  old  thunder-jug  into  the  ocean." 

"  Oh,  no,"  said  Oilman,  with  a  little  puckery  laff  creeping 
round  his  eyes  and  mouth  ;  "he's  only  took  the  Commodore 
into  his  great  fine  carriage,  and  I  see  them  most  every  day 
riding  together,  cheek  by  jowl,  and  having  a  jolly  time  of  it." 

"  Thunder  !"  says  I.  "  Then  somebody's  been  pulling  at  the 
wrong  end  of  the  rope,  and  I  won't  lay  low  any  longer." 

So  we  up  stakes  and  sot  sail  agin  on  our  own  hook,  keeping 
an  eye  well  to  the  windward.  I  felt  cross,  and  told  the  hands 
to  crack  on  all  sail.  I  meant  to  be  out  of  sight  and  hearing 
when  the  Commodore's  fleet  come  out  again,  for  I  didn't  know 
but  he  might  take  it  into  his  head  to  enforce  the  neutrality 
laws,  and  I  had  no  idea  of  being  ketched  in  that  trap.  I  felt 
sure  there  was  a  screw  loose  somewhere  in  the  Cabinet,  and 
I  thought  if  I  could  only  be  in  Washington  half  an  hour  I 
could  find  out  where  'twas.  But,  as  things  was,  there  was  no 
other  way  for  me  but  to  take  the  responsibility,  and  if  I 
couldn't  take  Cuba,  jest  hold  on  to  the  slack  till  something 
turned  up. 

Wal,  it  wasn't  a  great  while  before  something  did  turn  up 
that  carried  our  hopes  right  up  to  the  tip-top  rung  of  the 
ladder.  After  scuddin'  about  a  few  weeks  to  keep  out  of 
sight  of  Commodore  McCauley,  for  I  had  serious  suspicions  of 
him,  I  come  back  again  along  the  northern  side  of  Cuba,  to 
see  if  I  could  pick  up  any  more  news.  As  good  luck  would 
have  it,  a  Kennebec  brig  soon  came  along,  homeward  bound. 
I  hailed  her,  and  as  soon  as  the  Captain  came  on  deck  I  see 
at  once  it  was  Captain  Drummond,  a  first  rate  prying  feller, 
and  I  knew  in  a  moment  if  he  had  been  in  Cuba  a  week  he 
would  know  everything  that  was  going  on  upon  the  island. 


OCT    OF   THE    SENATE.  441 

So  I  asked  him  to  back  his  main  topsail,  and  I'd  come  aboard. 
We  went  into  the  cabin,  and  he  brought  on  a  bottle  of  old 
Jamaky.  We  are  both  Maine-law  folks  at  home,  but  out  here 
we  sometimes  take  a  drop  to  keep  off  the  yaller  fever . 

"Now,  Captain  Drummond,"  says  I,  "how  does  things 
stand  in  Cuba?  I  hear  Commodore  McCauley  has  turned 
traitor  to  the  cause.  Is  liberty  going  to  be  crushed  out  there 
or  not  ?  Or  is  there  any  chance  yet  for  them  poor  fellers 
that  have  been  trying  so  long  and  so  hard  to  get  their 
freedom  ?" 

"  Any  chance,  my  dear  Major  ?"  says  he.  "  Why,  the  chance 
never  was  better  ;  nor  half  so  good  before.  The  whole  thing 
is  cut  and  dried,  and  almost  ready  to  blaze  out  with  a  bright- 
ness that  will  enable  us  to  spear  fish  at  midnight  along  the 
whole  coast,  from  the  Kennebec  to  the  Mississippi." 

"  Good  !  Give  us  your  hand,  old  boy,"  says  I.  "  Now  prove 
that,  and  I'll  be  your  humble  servant  forever." 

"  Well,  it's  true  as  preachin',"  says  he.  "  Our  Government 
has  got  a  first-rate  agent  on  the  island,  overhauling  the  whole 
business,  to  see  that  everything  is  in  the  right  train,  so  there 
shan't  be  no  mistake  and  no  chance  to  miss  fire  again.  He 
keeps  dark,  and  goes  round  among  the  leading  patriots,  and 
consults  about  the  whole  campaign.  After  he  showed  his 
dockyments,  proving  that  he  was  an  agent  from  our  Govern- 
ment, they  didn't  keep  anything  back,  but  told  him  the  whole 
business — how  the  patriots  were  all  ready  to  set  up  a  free 
Government,  and  would  very  soon  have  everything  necessary 
for  that  purpose.  They  told  him  they  had  sent  over  more  than 
half  a  million  of  dollars  to  their  friends— the  exiled  patriots 
in  the  United  States — to  purchase  such  things  as  they  might 
need  in  setting  up  their  free  Government,  and  a  number  of 
large  steamers  and  other  vessels  were  already  chartered  and 
paid  for  to  bring  them  over  ;  and  more  than  all  that,  if  they 
19 


442 


MY   THIKTY    YEARS 


should  want  any  help,  there  was  a  great  Gineral  stood  ready, 
with  a  brave  little  army  all  enlisted,  to  come  right  over  and 
put  his  shoulder  to  the  wheel.     That's  the  way  the  thing 


THE  CREW  OF  THE  TWO  FOLLIES    CUTTING    ON   AND   DOING   JUST  AS  THEY 

PLEASE. 

stands  now.  The  patriots  are  all  right,  and  our  Govern- 
ment's secret  agent  has  been  round  and  seen  that  they  are  all 
right.     And  now  the  Government  at  Washington  is  going  to 


OUT   OF    THE    SENATE.  443 

look  t'other  way,  over  the- left  shoulder,  while  the  business  is 
doing,  so  they  shan't  see  anybody  violating  the  neutrality 
laws." 

"  That's  capital,"  says  I,  "  Captain  Drummond,  that's  capi- 
tal, if  that  agent  is  all  right.     Who  is  he  ?  " 

"  Oh,  he's  a  fine  fellow  ;  he's  got  the  Government  docky- 
ments  in  his  pocket.  His  name,  I  think,  Is  Davis.  I  don't 
know  what  Davis,  but  I  believe  he's  from  Mississippi." 

At  that  I  hopt  right  up,  and  slapt  my  hands  together  so 
hard  that  Captain  Drummond  jumped  half  way  across  the 
cabin,  for  he  thought  I  was  going  to  pitch  into  him  ;  and  says 
he,  "  What  in  nature.  Major  Downing,  is  the  matter  ?  " 

"  Matter  enough,"  says  I.  "  I  verily  believe  that  agent  is 
my  old  friend,  Jeif.  Davis,  for  he's  from  that  part  of  the 
country,  ani  he's  jest  the  boy  for  it.  He  was  out  in  Mexico 
with  us,  and  was  clear  grit.  If  Jeff.  Davis  is  in  Cuba,  the 
thing  is  done,  and  no  mistake  about  it." 

Upon  that  we  took  another  drop  of  Jamaky,  and  Captain 
Drummond  histed  sail,  and  I  went  aboard  the  Two  Follies 
and  told  the  boys  they  might  crack  on  and  hoorah  as  loud  as 
they'd  a  mind  to,  for  the  business  was  all  right,  and  the  egg 
was  most  ready  to  be  hatched.  Finally,  I  felt  so  happy,  I 
told  all  hands  they  might  have  a  holiday,  and  cut  on  and  do 
jest  what  they  liked.  And  they  had  a  jolly  time,  I  tell  ye. 
I  gave  them  an  extra  good  dinner  ;  and  after  dinner  they 
sung  songs  most  of  the  afternoon,  and  some  of  'em  scoured 
Ihe  deck  by  cutting  down  double  shuffle.  They  sung  ''  Cap- 
tain Robb,"  Cousin  Sargent  Joel's  favorite  song,  five  times, 
in  the  tune  of  Yankee  Doodle  ;  and  every  one  aboard  that 
could  sing  Yankee  Doodle — soldiers,  sailors,  marines,  and 
hoss-marines — all  jined  in  and  roared  it  out  well.  Cousin 
Joel  declared  afterwards  that  before  they  got  through  he  saw 
more  than  fifty  dolphins  shying  round  the  vessel  and  listening. 


444  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

If  you  haven't  seen  that  song,  Mr.  President,  it  is  raily  worth 
your  readin'.     So  I  think  I'll  send  it  to  you,  and  here  'tis  : 

CAPTAIN    ROBB. 

Air —  Yankee  Doodle. 

Says  Captain  Robb  to  Farmer  Cobb, 
*'  Your  farm  is  very  fine,  sir  ; 

Please  give  me  up  your  title-deeds,  - 

I  claim  it  all  as  mine,  sir." 
"  Pray,  bow  can  it  be  thine  ? "  says  Cobb, 
"  I'm  sure  I  never  sold  it ; 
'Twas  left  me  by  my  father,  sir, 
I  only  aught  to  hold  it." 

"  Nay,  Cobb,  the  march  of  destiny — 
'Tis  strange  you  can't  perceive  it — 
Is  sure  to  make  it  mine  some  day  ; 
I  solemnly  believe  it." 
•'  But  have  you  not  already  got 
More  land  than  you  can  till,  sir  ? 
More  rocks  than  ever  you  can  blast, 
More  weeds  than  you  can  kill,  sir  ?" 

"  Aye,  Cobb,  but  something  whispers  me — 

A  sort  of  inspiration — 
That  I've  a  right  to  every  farm 

Not  under  cultivation. 
I'm  of  the  '  Anglo-Saxon  race,' 

A  people  known  to  fame,  sir  ; 
But  you,  what  right  have  you  to  land  ? 

Who  ever  heard  your  name,  sir  ? 

"  I  deem  you,  Cobb,  a  lazy  lout. 

Poor,  trodden  down,  and  blind,  sir. 
And  if  I  take  your  useless  land 

You  aught  to  think  it  kind,  sir ! 
And,  with  my  scientific  skill, 

I  set  it  down  as  true,  sir. 
That  I  can  gather  from  the  farm 

Full  twice  as  much  as  you,  sir. 

"  To  be  explicit :  'Tis  an  age 
Of  freedom  and  progression  ; 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  445 

No  longer,  dog-in-mauger  like, 

Can  you  retain  possession. 
The  farm  long  since  you  forfeited, 

Because  you  failed  to  till  it ; 
To  me  it  clearly  now  belongs. 

Simply  because — /  loill  it. 

"  My  logic  if  you  disapprove, 

Or  fail  of  comprehending, 
Or  do  not  feel  convinced  that  I 

Your  welfare  am  attending, 
I've  plenty  more  of  arguments 

To  which  I  can  resort,  sir — 
Six-shooters,  rifles,  bowie-knives, 

Will  indicate  the  sort,  sir. 

"  So  prithee,  Cobb,  take  my  advice, 

Make  over  your  domains,  sir  : 
Or,  sure  as  I  am  Captain  Robb, 

Will  I  blow  out  your  brains,  sir  ! " 
Poor  Cobb  can  only  grind  his  teeth 

And  grumble  protestations, 
That  might  should  be  the  rule  of  right 

Among  enlightened  nations. 

But  now,  Mr.  President,  I  must  come  to  the  bitter  end  of  my 
dispatches,  and  bitter  enough  it  is.  This  business  needs 
some  explanation  between  you  and  me  ;  and  the  sooner  I  git 
it  the  better.  That  glorious  day  aboard  the  Two  Follies  we 
was  all  swimmin'  in  happiness  mast-head  high.  But  a  few 
weeks  afterward,  when  we  got  the  next  batch  of  news  from 
home,  we  was  like  bein'  all  down  in  the  dark  hold  of  the 
vessel,  wallowing  in  bilge-water.  Thunder  and  black  snakes  ! 
if  ever  I  could  swear,  it  was  then.  That  Davis  had  turned 
out  to  be  a  very  different  chap  from  my  old  friend  Jeff,  and 
somehow  or  other  everything  had  gone  wrong-end  foremost. 
The  Cuban  patriot  cause  was  all  smashed  up  ;  their  half 
million  of  dollars  was  all  scattered  to  the  winds  ;  Gineral 
Quitman   had   backed    out,    and   Government    was    seizing 


446  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

steamers  and  vessels  all  along  the  coast,  and  making  them 
suffer  the  delay  and  expense  of  lawsuits  to  prove  that  they 
had  no  notion  of  going  to  Cuba.  And,  more  than  all  this, 
some  of  the  best  patriots  in  Cuba,  men  who  had  opened  their 
whole  heart  to  Davis,  men  worthy  enough  to  be  President  of 
the  United  States  or  to  command  the  Two  Follies,  had  been 
arrested  in  Cuba  and  executed  like  dogs.  Now,  Mr.  President, 
where  has  the  blood  of  them  patriots  left  the  heaviest  marks  ? 
Is  it  in  Havana,  New  York,  or  Washington  ?  But  how  could 
all  this  terrible  change  come  about  ?  Was  there  any  awful 
accident  the  cause  of  it,  like  switching  a  train  of  cars  on  to 
the  wrong  track  and  making  a  terrible  smash-up  ?  I  puzzled 
upon  that  pint  a  good  deal,  and  finally  come  to  the  conclusion 
that  possibly  it  was  all  an  accident,  and  nobody  to  blame. 
And  the  most  likely  way  I  could  think  of  that  sich  a  terrible 
accident  could  happen  was,  that  Mr.  Davis  received  his  secret 
commission  from  one  end  of  your  Cabinet,  and,  somehow  or 
other,  accidentally  made  his  report  to  f  other  end  of  it.  But  I 
may  be  wrong,  and  shall  wait  anxiously  for  your  explanation. 

Let  me  hear  from  you  soon,  for  I  don't  think  I  shall  hold  on 
here  much  longer,  as  things  now  is,  unless  I  get  new  orders. 
I  see  things  is  thickening  up  all  round  you,  and  with  the 
troubles  in  Mexico,  and  Denmark,  and  Kansas,  and  the  melting 
down  and  mixing  up  about  fifteen  political  parties  all  over  the 
country  and  running  them  into  thirty  new  moulds,  you  must 
have  your  hands  full,  and  will  need  all  your  friends  to  stick 
by  you  ;  and  I  assure  you  I  am  not  a  man  to  desert  an 
Administration  so  long  as  I  hold  an  office  under  it. 

So  I  remain  your  old  friend  and  Minister  at  Large,  and 
Captain  of  the  Two  Follies, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  4 41 


LETTER  LXXX. 

To  TJiicle   Joshua  Downing,    Postmaster  at   Downing ville,   Down 
East,  in  the  State  of  Maine, 

Aboard  the  Schooner  Two  Follies,  \ 

At  anker  inside  of  Sandy  Hook,  January  21,  1856.  f 

Dear  Uncle  Joshua  : — I  have  jest  got  back  from  AVashington, 
where  I  have  been  for  the  last  fortnight  watchin'  the  old  ship 
of  State  layin'  tu  in  a  sort  of  three-cornered  gale  of  wind.  This 
gale  struck  her  on  the  3d  of  December,  and  threw  her  all 
aback,  and  the  gale  holds  on  yet  tight  as  ever,  and  there  she 
has  been  layin'  now  seven  weeks,  head  to  the  wind,  rolling  and 
pitchin',  and  hasn't  gained  ahead  a  rod.  I've  seen  rough 
times  in  the  Two  Follies,  and  long  gales  of  wind,  and  hurry- 
kanes  and  whirlpools,  and  all  sorts  of  weather,  but  this  is  the 
first  time  Fve  seen  a  craft  layin'  to  agin  a  three-cornered  gale 
for  two  months  upon  a  stretch,  in  a  choppin  sea,  worse  than 
the  Gulf  Stream  in  a  thunder-storm.  But  don't  you  be 
frightened,  Uncle  Joshua  ;  she  won't  go  down,  but  will  live 
through  it,  and  go  on  her  voyage  by-and-by  all  right.  Our 
old  ship  of  State  is  a  stanch  craft  ;  she  is  built  of  the  very 
best  stuff,  and  put  together  in  the  strongest  manner,  and  there 
isn't  a  spar,  nor  a  plank,  nor  a  timber-hep^d  in  her  but  what 
is  as  sound  as  a  nut.  She's  the  best  ship  in  the  world,  and 
the  Two  Follies  is  next.  So  you  needn't  be  afeerd  that  any 
sea  will  ever  swamp  her  ;  and  if  ever  she  should  be  in  danger 
of  running  ashore,  or  on  the  breakers,  by  the  squabbles  and 
foolin'  of  her  ofScers,  she's  got  a  crew  that  will  take  care 
of  her. 

You  know,  Uncle,  Fve  been  sailin'  round  Cuba  and  up  the 


448  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

Gulf  a  good  while,  trjnn'  to  carry  out  the  plans  of  our  Con- 
gress at  Ostend  and  Ax-le-Shappel,  to  take  Cuba,  because  our 
country  couldn't  get  along  without  it ;  and  self-preservation, 
you  know,  is  the  first  law  of  nater.  We  should  got  through 
with  that  job  long  ago  if  our  Cabinet  hadn't  backed  out  about 
it.  I  never  understood  the  home  difiBculty,  but  I'm  sure  there 
was  some  hard  shuffling  somewhere.  We  was  all  right 
abroad  ;  but  this  backin'  and  fiUin'  in  the  Home  Department 
was  what  bothered  us,  and  pretty  likely  has  upset  the  business. 
First  the  Home  Department  told  us  to  go  ahead  and  fix  up  our 
Ostend  matter  the  best  way  we  could.  But  as  soon  as  I  and 
Mr.  Bukanan  and  Mr.  Sooley,  and  the  rest  of  us  in  the  foreign 
Government,  had  got  things  well  under  way,  and  was  about 
ready  to  take  Cuba,  the  Home  Department  turned  right  round 
and  fit  agin  us  tooth  and  nail.  As  I  said  afore,  I  couldn't 
account  for  this  home  difficulty,  and  the  sudden  turn-about  of 
the  Home  Department,  unless  they  was  afeard  we  should  get 
the  most  of  the  credit  of  taking  Cuba,  and  maybe  I,  or  Mr. 
Bukanan,  or  Mr.  Sooley,  or  Mr.  Mason,  or  Mr.  Sickles,  or  Mr. 
Sanders  might  get  to  be  President  by  it.  But  such  a  thought 
never  entered  my  head,  and  I  can  pledge  myself  the  same  for 
all  the  rest.  We  was  to  work  entirely  for  the  country's 
good,  and  nothin  else.  And  for  the  Home  Department  to  get 
jealous  of  us  and  turn  agin  us  in  that  way  was  cruel  and  on- 
kind.  It  grieves  me  every  time  I  think  of  it ;  for  I  think  like 
the  good  Dr.  Watts,  when  he  says  : 

"  How  pleasant  'tis  to  see, 
Brethren  and  friends  agree." 

I  sent  dispatches  to  Gineral  Pierce  about  it  more  than  three 
months  ago,  but  never  got  any  answer.  And  finally  I  got 
tired  holdin'  on  out  there  alone,  and  hearing  all  the  time  that 
the  Home  Department  kept  stopping  all  the  re-enforcements 


OUT   OF   THE   SENATE.  4:49 

from  coming  out  to  help  me,  so  I  up  helm  and  headed  the 
Two  Follies  for  DowningviUe.  When  we  got  along  in  the 
latitude  of  New  York  that  terrible  5th  of  January  storm  over- 
took us,  and  we  jest  made  out  to  weather  the  gal(*»'and  get 
inside  of  Sandy  Hook  and  come  to  anker.  The  pilots  come 
aboard  and  treated  us  very  kind. 

Them  New  York  pilots  are  clever  fellows.  They  brought 
lis  lots  of  newspapers,  from  which  I  learnt  what  had  been 
going  on  for  two  months  past.  When  they  see  the  Dowmng- 
ville  militia  was  aboard,  and  Sargent  Joel  at  the  head  of  'em, 
dressed  up  in  his  uniform,  one  of  the  pilots  took  me  one  side 
and  whispered  to  me  that  he  would  advise  me,  as  a  friend,  not 
to  go  up  to  New  York,  for  if  we  did  the  Two  Follies  was  a 

gone  goose. 

"How  so  V  says  I,  "  what  do  you  mean  ?" 
"I    mean,"    says    he,    "that    Mr.    McKeon,   the  District 
Attorney  will  nab  her  in  less  than  no  time,  and  condemn  her 
for  a  fiUibuster  vessel,  and  you'll  all  be  put  in  prison  and  tried 
for  violating  the  neutrality  laws." 

"  Let  him  do  it,"  says  I,  "  if  he  dares.  We  are  at  work  for 
the  Government.  Our  cruise  has  all  been  under  the  direction 
and  advice  of  Congress."  . 

"If  I  remember  right,"  says  he,  "Congress  wasnt  in 
session  when  the  Two  Follies  sailed  for  the  West  India 
station.     How,  then,   could    you   be  under  the   direction  of 

Congress  ?"  ,  .,       , 

"I  mean  the  Ostend  Congress,"  says  I    "and  it  makes  no 

difference  which,  one's  as  good  as  t'other." 

"  Well "  says  he,  you'll  find  it   makes   a  difference  which 

when  you  get  up  to   New  York.     The  District   Attorney  is 

death  on  every  vessel  that  has  the  least  smell  of  gun-powder, 

or  has  anything  aboard  that  bears  any  likeness  to  a  musket. 

He  has  a  master  keen  scent  for  gun-powder  ;  he  often  smells 

19* 


450 


MY   THIRTY   YEARS 


it  aboard  vessels  where  there  isn't  a  bit  nor  grain,  and  it 
all  turns  out  to  be  only  bilge-water." 

"  If  that's  the  case,"  says  I,  "  I'll  leave  the  Two  Follies  at 
anker  li^e,  and  I'll  be  off  to  Washington  and  see  how  the 
land  lays." 

So  I  called  up  Captain  Jumper,  the  sailing  master,  and  told 
him  to  keep  things  all  snug  and  tight  while  I  was  gone,  and 


^^^l,l,.AU^>')      ill     ' 

THE  MAJOR  IX  THE  GALLERY  OF  THE  HOUSE. 


I  told  Sargent  Joel  to  take  good  care  of  the  men,  and  I'd  try, 
if  possible,  to  be  back  in  a  fortnight. 

AVhen  I  got  to  Washinghton  I  thought  I  would  jest  run  in 
a  few  minutes  and  sec  how  Congress  was  getting  along 
first.  I  had  let  my  beard  grow  pretty  long-,  and  was  dressed 
so  different  from  what  I  used  to,  that  I  didn't  feel  afcard  of 


OUT    OF    THE    SEXATE. 


451 


anybody's  knowing  me  ;  so  I  went  into  llie  Representatives 
chamber  and  took  a  seat  in  the  gallery.  Business  seemed  to 
be  going  on  brisk  and  lively.  A  man  was  standing  up  in 
front,  and  reading  off,  in  a  good  loud  voice,  Banks,  105  ; 
Richardson,  13;  Fuller,  31;  Pennington,  5;  scattering,  4. 
Then  I  went  out  and  went  into  the  Senate.  But  there  business 
seemed  to  be  very  dull.  I  couldn't  find  out  as  anything  was 
doing.  Some  was  reading  the  newspapers,  and  some  was 
talking  a  little,  and  some  was  setting  as  calm  and  quiet  as  so 
many  bears  in  their  winter  den,  with  nothin'  to  do  but  suck 
their  paws.  I  soon  got  tired  of  this,  and  went  back  into  the 
House  again.  I  had  but  jest  got  seated  in  the  gallery  when 
the  man  in  front  got  up  and  read  off  agin  :  Banks,  105  ; 
Richardson,  73  ;  Fuller,  81  ;  Pennington,  5  ;  scattering,  4. 

I  turned  round  and  whispered  to  the  man  who  sot  next  to 
me,  and  says  I,  "  That's  just  the  same  tune  they  had  when  I 
was  in  here  half  an  hour  ago." 

"  Exactly,"  says  he  ;  "  they  don't  play  but  one  tune,  and 
that  hasn't  no  variations." 

"  Well,  what  upon  airth  are  they  doing  ?"  says  I. 
"  Oh,  they  are  choosing  a  Speaker,"  says  he. 
"  Choosing  a  Speaker  !"  says  I.     "  For  gracious  sake,  how 
long  does  it  take  'em  to  do  that  ?" 

"  I  can't  have  the  slightest  idea  how  long,"  say  he. 
*'  They've  been  at  it  now  about  six  weeks,  and  if  they  continue 
to  gain  as  fast  as  they  have  since  they  begun,  I  guess  it 
might  take  'em  pretty  near  from  July  to  etarnity." 

"  If  that's  the  case,"  says  I,  "  Pll  clear  out,  for  I  can't  wait 
so  long  as  that."  So  I  hurried  out  and  made  tracks  straight 
for  the  White  House.  I  rung  to  the  door,  and  the  servant  let 
me  in.  I  told  him  I  wanted  to  see  the  President.  He  said 
very  well,  the  President  was  in  his  private  room,  and  he 
would  take  my  card  to  him.     I  told  him  he  might  go  and  tell 


'152  MY    THIRTY    YEARS 

Gineral  Pierce  that  an  old  friend  of  his  and  a  fellow-soldier 
in  the  Mexican  war  wanted  to  see  him.  Presentl}^  he  come 
back  and  asked  me  to  walk  up.  I  found  the  President  alone, 
walking  back  and  forth  across  the  room,  and  looking  kind  of 
riled  and  very  resolute.  It  made  me  think  of  Old  Hickory 
when  he  used  to  get  his  dander  up  about  Biddle's  Bank,  and 
walked  the  floor  all  day,  and  lay  awake  all  night,  planning 
how  he  could  upset  it.  The  Gineral  knew  me  as  soon  as  I 
went  into  the  room,  in  spite  of  my  beard,  and  shook  hands 
with  me,  and  said  he  was  very  glad  to  see  me. 

"Well,  now,  Gineral,"  saj^s  I,  "I  want  to  come  right  to 
the  pint  the  first  thing.  I've  left  the  Two  PoUies  at  anker 
down  to  Sandy  Hook,  and  1  want  to  know,  right  up  and 
down,  if  she's  to  be  nabbed  or  not.  You  know  how  'tis, 
Gineral  ;  you  know  we  went  out  in  good  faith  under  the 
orders  of  the  Ostend  Congress  ;  and  you  know  the  Home 
Government  backed  us  up  in  the  beginning  of  it  ;  but  now 
you've  turned  agin  us,  and  I  understand  you've  been  seizing 
and  overhauling  every  vessel  all  along  shore  tliat  had  its 
bowsprit  pointed  towards  Cuba  or  Central  America  ;  and  I 
was  told  if  the  Two  Pollies  went  up  to  York  she'd  be  served 
the  same  sass.  Now,  I  want  to  know  how  we  stand,  that's 
all.  If  you  don't  want  the  help  of  the  Two  Pollies  there's 
enough  that  does  ;  and  if  you  don't  give  her  a  clear  passport 
out  and  in,  she'll  be  off  pretty  quick  where  she  can  find  better 
friends." 

"  Why,  my  dear  Major,"  said  the  President,  and  the  tears 
almost  come  into  his  eyes,  "  my  dear  Major,"  says  he,  "  3'ou 
misunderstand  me  entirely.  You  and  the  Two  Pollies  haven't 
got  a  better  friend  in  the  world  than  I  am.  The  fact  is,  I've 
been  very  much  tried  ever  since  that  Ostend  Congress 
business.  It  made  a  good  deal  of  hard  feeling  in  my  Cabinet, 
and  as  things  worked  we  was  obliged  to  come  out  agin  it. 


OUT    OF   THE    SEXATE.  453 

And  then  we  bad  to  make  a  show  of  sticking  up  very  strong 
for  the  neutrality  laws  ;  and  that's  why  we  seized  so  many 
vessels.  But  you  needn't  give  yourself  the  least  uneasiness 
about  the  Two  Follies.  I  pledge  you  the  honor  of  the  Execu- 
tive that  she  shan't  be  touched.  And,  besides,  I'm  in  a  good 
deal  of  "trouble  all  round,  and  I  want  you  and  the  Two 
Follies  to  stick  by  me  ;  for,  if  you  don't,  I  don't  know  who 
will." 

"  Agreed,"  says  I,  "  nuff  said  ;  that's  talking  right  up  to 
the  mark.  Give  us  your  hand,  Gineral  ;  FU  stick  by  you  as 
close  as  I  did  by  my  old  friend  Gineral  Jackson.  Now,  what 
do  3^ou  want  me  to  do  ?" 

"  Well,  Major,"  says  he,  "  Fve  got  a  good  many  ticklish 
jobs  on  hand  that  I  don't  hardly  know  what  to  do  with,  nor 
which  to  take  hold  on  first.  You  know  there's  a  Democratic 
Convention  to  meet  at  Cincinnati  to  make  the  nominations 
for  the  next  term."  (Here  the  Fresident  got  up  and  locked 
the  door,  and  sot  down  close  to  me  and  talked  low.)  "The 
main  question  is,  how  to  bring  things  to  bear  on  that  Con- 
vention so  as  to  make  the  nomination  go  right.  Marcy  wants 
it,  and  Buchanan  wants  it,  and  Wise  wants  it,  and  Dickinson 
wants  it,  and  perhaps  Cass  too,  though  he  says  he  don't,  and 
I  don't  know  how  many  others,  all  good  Democrats,  you 
know  ;  but  we  can't  all  have  it  ;  so  you  see  Fve  got  a  hard 
team  to  pull  against.  As  for  Douglas,  I  think  he'll  go  for 
me,  if  FU  go  for  him  afterwards.  The  Cabinet  and  I  have 
been  tryin'  to  get  things  ready  before  the  nomination  to  give 
the  Administration  the  credit  of  being  the  smartest  and 
spunkiest  Administration  we  ever  had.  We  want,  if  possible, 
to  go  a  little  ahead  of  Jackson.  You  know  we've  already 
blowed  Gray  Town  to  atoms.  We've  struck  a  heavy  blow  to 
knock  off  the  Danish  Sound  dues,  and  shall  be  ready  for  a 
splendid  rumpus  there  in  the  spring.     We've  got  a  rousin' 


454  MY   THIRTY   YEARS 

artliqnake  kiudlin'  up  between  iis  and  England,  which  will  be 
jest  the  thing  if  we  can  touch  it  off  at  the  right  time.  But 
you  know  these  things  sometimes  take  fire  too  soon,  and  do 
mischief  both  sides.  I  feel  a  little  oneasy  about  this,  and 
wish  that  stupid  Congress  would  ever  get  organized  so  as  to 
take  part  of  the  responsibility.  Then  we've  got  a  quarrel 
brewin',  too,  with  Colonel  Walker,  out  there  in  Nicaragua, 
and  have  refused  to  receive  Colonel  French  as  his  Minister. 
If  Walker  chooses  to  resent  it  as  a  national  insult,  we  are 
ready  for  him.  We  shan't  give  back  a  hair.  Now,  Major, 
what  do  you  think  of  the  chances  for  the  nomination  ?" 

"  Wal,  Gineral,"  says  I,  "  I  think  if  you  manage  right  you'll 
get  it.     I'll  do  what  I  can  for  you  anyhow." 

The  Gineral  shook  my  hand,  and  got  up  and  walked  the 
floor.  Saj's  he,  "  The  greatest  difficulty  now  is  with  this 
confounded  stiiT-necked,  stupid  Congress.  They  won't  organ- 
ize— that  is,  the  House  won't — and  they  seem  determined  to 
throw  a  damper  on  the  Administration  somehow  or  other. 
Here  they've  been  foolin'  away  their  time  six  weeks,  and  let- 
tin'  the  whole  country  hang  by  the  eye-lids — war  and  all.  I 
had  to  keep  my  message  on  hand  a  month,  and  let  it  almost 
spile,  jest  because  the  House  wasn't  organized.  At  last  I 
happened  to  think  it  was  a  good  chance  for  me  to  take  the 
responsibility.  So  I  let  drive,  and  fired  my  message  right  in 
among  'em.  Some  was  quite  wrathy  ;  but  I  didn't  care  for 
that.  I  meant  to  let  'em  know  I'd  show  'em  a  touch  of  Old 
Hickory  if  they  didn't  mind  how  they  carried  sail.  But  here 
'tis  now  goin'  on  two  months,  and  everything  is  at  a  dead 
stand,  because  the  House  won't  choose  a  Speaker.  We  can't 
have  any  certainty  of  getting  enough  money  to  keep  the 
Government  agoin'  till  we  get  a  Speaker,  and  all  our  plans  is 
in  danger  of  being  knocked  in  the  head.  Now,  Major,  I  wish 
you  would  shy  round  among  the  members  a  day  or  two,  and 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE. 


455 


see  if  you  can^t  bring  matters  to  a  pint.  I  don't  care  much 
who  is  Speaker,  if  they'll  only  organize." 

So  I  went  round  among  the  members  two  or  three  days, 
and  did  my  best.  I  found  'em  all  very  stiif,  and  the  lobby 
members  were  stiffest  of  any.  The  third  day  I  went  back  to 
the  President  agin,  and  says  he,  "  Well,  Major,  how  does  it 
stand  now  ?     Does  things  look  any  more  encouraging  ?" 

"  A  leetle  grain,"  says  I,  "  but  not  much." 

"  Well,  how  is  it  ?  "  says  he. 

Says  I,  "  It  is  Banks,  105  ;  Richardson,  73  ;  Fuller,  31  ; 
Penniiigton,  5  ;  scattering,  3." 

"  But  that's  the  same  old  tune,"  says  he  ;  jest  the  same 
that's  been  for  the  last  six  weeks." 

"  No,"  says  I,  "  you  mistake.  Don't  you  see  the  scattering 
has  fell  off  one  ?     Isn't  that  a  leetle  encouraging  ?  " 

The  President  looked  disappointed.  Said  he,  "That's  a 
very  small  straw  for  a  drownin'  man  to  catch  at.  But  how 
do  they  talk  ?    Do  they  grow  any  more  pliable  ?  " 

"  Well,  the  Fuller  men  seemed  to  be  the  most  pliable,"  says 
I,  "  of  any  of  'em.  They  said  they  was  perfectly  willing  and 
ready  to  organize  at  any  time,  and  the  only  difficulty  was, 
the  Banks  men  and  Richardson  men  standing  out  so  stubborn." 

"  What  do  our  true  Democratic  friends,  the  Richardson  men, 
say  ?  "  said  the  President. 

Says  I,  "  They  say  they'll  stand  there  and  fight  till  the 
crack  of  doom  before  they'll  allow  the  Black  Republicans  to 
get  the  upper  hand." 

"  Well,  that's  good  spunk,"  said  the  President  ;  "  but  the 
worst  of  it  is,  this  business  will  crack  my  Administration 
sometime  before  the  crack  of  doom.  Well,  how  do  the  Banks 
men  talk  ?     Is  there  any  hope  from  that  quarter  ?  " 

"  They  say  they  are  in  no  hurry,"  says  I.  "  They  had  as 
leave  vote  as  do  anything  else.     They've  got  money  enough, 


456  MY   THIRTY    YEARS 

and  can  stand  it,  and  they'll  stick  wliere  they  are  till   they 
starve  the  Administration  out." 

The  President  jumped  up,  and  I  must  say  he  looked  more 
like  Old  Hickory  than  I  ever  see  him  before.  Says  he, 
"Major  Downing,  this  will  never  do;  we  must  have  a 
Speaker,  by  hook  or  by  crook.  Can't  you  contrive  any  way 
to  bring  this  business  about  ?  " 

*'  Well,"  says  I,  "  there  is  one  way,  I  think,  the  business 
may  be  done — and  I  don't  know  but  it's  the  last  chance — and 
that  is,  for  me  to  go  and  bring  the  Two  Follies  round  here, 
and  bring  her  guns  to  bear  on  the  Capitol.  Then  send  in 
word,  and  give  them  one  hour  to  organize.  If  they  don't  do 
it,  then  batter  down  the  house  about  their  ears,  or  march  in 
the  Downingville  melitia  and  drive  'em  out,  as  old  Cromwell 
did  the  Rump  Parliament." 

The  President  stood  a  minute  in  a  deep  study.  At  last  he 
said,  "  Well,  Major,  a  desperate  disease  sometimes  needs  a 
desperate  remedy.     If  you  think  you  are  right  go  ahead." 

So  here  I  am,  Uncle  Joshua,  aboard  the  Two  Pollies.  I  jest 
stopt  to  write  this  account  to  you,  and  if  I  don't  get  better 
news  from  Washington  in  a  day  or  two,  I  shall  up  anker  and 
make  all  sail  for  the  Potomac.  And  if  things  is  no  better 
when  I  get  there  you  may  expect  to  hear  thunder. 
I  remain  your  loving  nephew, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


OUT    OF    THE    SENATE.  457 


A    POSTSCRIPT. 

I  have  wound  up  Mi/  Thirty  Years  Out  of  the  Senate,  and  left  the  Two  Follies 
at  anker  down  to  Sandy  Hook,  with  Sargent  Joel  and  a  few  Downingville 
melitia  on  board  to  keep  guard  till  we  get  orders  from  the  Government,  or 
Mr.  Bukanan,  or  somebody  else,  to  do  something.  If  Kansas  has  got  through 
"  bleeding,"  so  Mr.  Bukanan  can  get  time  to  look  after  something  else,  and 
thinks  it  is  time  to  take  Cuba,  "  if  we  have  the  power,"  we  are  on  hand,  and 
all  ready  to  give  a  lift.  Or,  if  we  are  to  take  care  of  Mexico,  and  are  going 
to  fix  up  that  "  protectorate  "  that  they  talk  about,  the  Two  Follies  will 
undertake  to  go  out  and  take  care  of  the  castle  at  Vera  Cruz,  for  her  part  of 
the  protectorate.  She  wasn't  afraid  to  pour  into  the  Moro,  and  I  guess  she'll 
have  grit  enough  to  handle  Vera  Cruz.  Or  if  Government  hasn't  got  the 
Central  American  question  settled  yet,  and  finds  it  necessary  to  send  out  a 
force  there,  the  Two  Follies  is  the  craft  to  take  charge  of  the  business  and 
keep  the  road  open  across  the  Isthmus.  Or  if  the  Government  should  think 
it  best  to  take  in  the  Society  Islands  and  the  Sandwich  Islands,  away  round 
there  in  the  Facific  Ocean  and  hitch  'em  on  to  the  United  States,  the  Two 
Follies  would  make  a  first-rate  squadron  to  be  stationed  round  there  among 
'em,  for  there  aint  another  vessel  in  the  whole  navy  that  can  hold  a  candle  to 
her  in  sailin'  round  Islands— she's  been  tried,  and  wasn't  found  wanting. 
Or  if  there  should  need  to  be  any  reenforcement  sent  to  the  army  that's  gone 
to  Utah  to  whip  them  beastly  Mormons  that's  got  so  many  wives,  Sargent 
Joel  and  the  Downingville  company  would  be  force  enough  to  set  things  all 
right  there,  and  the  marines  and  hoss-marines  could  be  kept  aboard  to  navigate 
the  Two  Follies.  And  I  want  Mr.  Buchanan  and  the  Government  to  under- 
stand that  we  are  ready  to  take  hold  and  help  'em  out  of  their  diflficulties 
at  any  time  and  in  all  weathers. 

Although  I've  got  through  "  My  Thirty  Years  Out  of  the  Senate,"  I  aint 
agoing  to  sit  down  and  do  nothin'— I  aint  one  of  that  nater  ;  and  as  it's 
pretty  likely  I  shall  be  out  of  the  Senate  some  time  longer,  if  I  live,  I  shall 
keep  sturrin'  round,  writin'  for  the  good  of  the  country,  or  fightin'  for  the 
good  of  the  country,  as  long  as  I  can  hold  out.  My  old  friend.  Colonel 
Benton,  did  jest  the  same  thing.  When  he  got  through  his  Thirty  Years  in 
the  Senate  he  didn't  fold  his  hands  and  set  down  and  do  nothin',  but  kept 
on  writin'  for  his  country  till  the  last  moment,  and  finally  the  brave  old  man 
"  died  in  harness,"  as  they  say,  almost  with  the  pen  in  his  hand.  I  think 
that's  better  than  to  rust  out.    So  when  I  aint  wanted  by  the  Government 


458 


MY    THIRTY    YEARS 


to  go  on  foreign  expodltions,  I  shall  pretty  likely  keep  flgeria'  away  with  ray 
pen  in  somethiu'  or  other.  Maybe  I  can  do  as  much  good  to  the  conntry  in 
that  way  as  any,  for  I  have  a  kind  of  a  sneaking  taste  for  literature  as  well 
as  war,  after  all.  And  if  my  name  shouldn't  appear  in  the  list  of  contribu- 
tors to  the  new  Magazine  called  the  "  Great  Republic'''  3Ionthly,  I  guess,  if  the 
reader  looks  sharp,  he'll  see  I  am  at  work  in  it  somewhere  in  an  under- 
handed kind  of  a  way.  And  if  I  should  happen  to  go  off  on  a  cruise  any- 
where, I  shall,  of  course,  make  my  reports  to  the  Government  and  the 
public  through  that  Magazine. 

With  the  best  good  wishes  for  everybody,  i  remain, 

MAJOn  JACK  DOWNING. 


THE  "GREAT  REPUBLIC"  MONTHLY. 


This  new  Magazine  has  rapidly  risen  in  favor,  aixl  its  success  is  established  heyond  contin- 
gency. Ttio  Publishers,  by  engaging  the  be>t  writers,  trcaiiiig  topics  of  living  interest,  iiro- 
vidiug  for  a  variety  of  tastes,  and,  above  all,  by  an  open,  frank  and  impartial  course,  hope  to 
secure  for  it  the  continued  favor  of  all  intelligent  and  fair-minded  readers. 

Believing  that  this  Periodical  will  become  a  desideratum  with  all,  and   that  complete  flies 
will  be  valuable,  the  publishers  would  say  that  the  work  is   Electrotyped,   and  ihat  all  tho 
numbers  can  bo  suppli.-d.     Tlic  publication  began  January,  1859. 
THE  MOST  PROFUSELY  ILLUSTRATED  MAGAZINE  IN  THIS  COUNTRY. 

Each  number  contains  the  Fashions,  an  Original  Piece  of  Music,  one  or  two  pages  ot  Comic 
Cuts,  and  over  tifty  Original  Designs  on  wood. 
""TIT!        The  following  Contributors,  with  many  others,  have  been  engaged : 


GEO.  D.  PRENTICE 
CHARLES  SWAIX 
FITZ-GREEN  HAIJ.ECK 
CH.\S.  J.  I.XGEUSOLL 
ORESTES  A.  BROWNSOX 
GEN.  GEO.  P.  MORRIS 
NATHANIEL  DEERING 
HON.  CHAS  GAYARRE 
WM.  GILLMORE  SIMMS 
PARK  BENJAMIN 
HON.  ALBERT  PIKE,  of  Ark. 
ABBE  ADRIAN  ROUQUEriE 
TH03.  FRANCIS  MEAGHER 
SEBA  SMITH,  (.LvcK  Downing) 
R   H.  STODDARD 
JOHN  R.  THOMPSON 


PAUL  H.  HAYNE 
HANNAH  F.  (iOULD 
SARAH  HELEN  WHIT.MAN 
CAROLINE  M.  KIRKLAND 
ELIZABEIH  F.  ELLET 
JANE  ERMINA  LOCKE 
ALICE  CAREY 
PHEBE  CAREY 
MADAilE  LE  VERT 
MARY  FORRF.ST 
MARY  E.  STEBBINS 
ELIZABETH  OAKES  SMITH 
ANNA  C.  BOn'A.  (Miss  Lynch) 
ALICE  B.  HAVEN 
ELIZABETH  K.  CHURCHILL 
PAMELIA  S.  VINING,  &c. 


$7  00 

9  00 

10  00 


J.  T.  HEADI.EY 

JOHN  G.  SAXE 

LIEUT.  M.  F.  MAURY 

WM.  H.  C.  HOSMER 

A.  J.  REQUIER 

COL.  J.  H.  E.\TON,  U.S.A. 

LEVI  REUBEN 

TIIOS.  DUNN  ENGT-ISH 

DUNCAN  KENNEDY 

REV.  NEWELL  A.  PRINCE 

HENRY  B.  HIRST 

APPLETON  OAKSMITH. 

Author  of  "  Maggie  Bell' 
HENRY  WARD  PETTIT 
THOMAS   MACKELLAR 
H.  J.  BRENT,  (Stikrup) 
TERMS:— There  will  be  two  volumes  a  year,  of  about  700  royal  octavo  pages  each,  com" 
mencing  in  January  and  July,  making  six  numbers  to  each  volume,  and  twelve  numbers 
to  each  year.     Subscriptions  may  commence  at  any  time. 
Pktces — Single  copies,  .        .         .     $0  25  [  Clcbs,  3  copies,  one  year, 

Subscription  1  copy,  1  year,  sent  by  mail,3  00        "      4      "  " 

Clubs,  2  copies,  one  year,  .        .      5  00  |      "      5       "  "       . 

And  all  additional  copies,  over  five,  at  the  rate  of  $2  each,  if  sent  to  tlie  same  Club.     Clubs  may 
have  their  numbers  sent  to  different  Post-Offices.     All  subscriptions  must  bej^nid  in  advance. 

PREMIUM    SUBSCRIPTIONS— FOUR    DOL.LARS. 
In  order  to  secure  a  very  large  circulation  to  the  "  Great  Reitblic,"  we  olfer  the  following 
inducements  : — To  every  per.son  who  sends  us  four  dollars  we  will  send  the  "  Great  Repub- 
lic" one  year,  and  also  a  large  Steel  Engraving,  richly  worth  four  dollars. 

"THE  LAST  SUPPER"  of  the  Saviour,  from  the  celebrated  painting  of  Leonardo  da  Vinci,  is  on  a  finn 
Bt«el  plate,  nearly  three  feet  by  two,  engraved  by  the  lite  A.  L.  Dick,  at  a  cost  of  six  thousand  dollars,  and  i» 
undoubtedly  the  most  beautiful  and  valuable  large  steel  engraving  ever  executed  in  this  country. 

"THE  CITY  OF  THE  GREAT  KING"  is  another  fine  steel  engraving,  about  the  same  eize  and 
same  value  as  the  preceding,  and  engraved  by  the  same  artist.  It  is  the  finest  large  engraving  of  the  City  of  Jerusa- 
lem that  has  ever  been  executed. 

We  own  both  of  these  steel  plates,  having  purchased  them  of  the  heirs  of  the  late  A  L. 
Dick.  The  regular  price  of  each  of  the.se  engravings  is  four  dollars.  Each  subscriber  who 
sends  four  Uollars  shall  be  entitled  to  the  "  Great  Repubuc"  one  year,  and  his  choice  of  these 
two  splendid  eng-ravings,  sent  to  him  prepaid. 

AGENTS  AND  CANVASSERS  can  make  liberal  and  satisfactory  arrangements 
upon  application,  stating  the  territory  required. 

All  Postmasters  and  Clergymen  are  authorized  to  receive  subscriptions,  which  they  may 
forward  to  us,  giving  name  and  address  of  subscriber,  and  deducting  25  per  cent,  for  their 
trouble.     This  ofler,  however,  does  not  refer  to  Club.s. 

POSTAGE  AND  POST-OFFICE  REGUIiATIONS.— The  rate  of  postage  will 
not  exceed  three  cents  for  each  number,  to  be  paid  in  all  ca.ses  at  the  office  where  it  is  received. 

Canadian  Sub-scribers  will  remit  thirty-si.x  cents  each,  in  addition  to  subscription,  to  pre- 
pay postage  to  the  line.  All  communications,  to  be  entitled  to  answer,  must  contain  return 
stamps.  Subscribers  must  in  all  cases  write  Names,  Town,  County,  and  State  in  full,  as  legi- 
bly as  possible.  There  is  little  risk  in  sending  money  by  mail.  Large  sums  should  be  remit- 
ted by  draft,  if  pos.sible,  or  registered  letter. 

OAKSMITH  &  CO.,  Publishers,  112  &  114  WiUiam  St.,  N.Y. 
The  Great  Republic  Monthly  is  for  sale  by  the  entire  Trade  of  the  U.  S.  and  C: 


Oaksiiiilli  &  Co.'s  Piiljlicatioiis. 


MY  THIRTY  YEARS  OUT  OF  THE  SENATE, 

By  major   jack    DOWNING. 

Four  hundred  and  sixty  pages,  with  nearly  seventy  original  characteristic 
Engravings.     With  the  Major's  Autobiography.     12mo.    Price  $1  25. 


THE    NEWSBOY: 

A  Romance,  illustrating  a  phase  of  humble  life  in  New- York.  By  Eliza- 
beth Oakes  Smith.  Five  hundred  and  twenty-seven  pages,  handsomely 
printed,  bound  in  cloth,  with  characteristic  illustrations.  12mo.  Price 
$1  25. 


BERTHA   AND   LILLY; 

OR, 

THE  PARSONAGE  OF  BEECH  GEEN. 

A  Romance.    By  Elizabeth  Oakes  Smith.    Three  hundred  and  thirty-six 
pages.    In  cloth,  with  illustrations.     12mo.     Price  $1  00. 


MARY    AND    HUGO. 

By  Elizabeth  Oakes  Smith.  One  hundred  and  fifty  pages,  with  original 
illustrations  by  Barley.  Neatly  bound  in  cloth,  and  gilt.  12mo.  Price 
$1  00. 


NEW  ELEMENTS    OP   GEOMETRY. 

By  Seba  Smith.  Two  hundred  pages,  large  octavo.  This  is  the  most  origi- 
nal and  remarkable  work  on  Geometry  ever  published  in  this  country. 
Price  $1  00. 


The  publishers  will  send  single  copies  of  any  of  the  above  works,  by  mail, 
postage  paid,  to  any  part  of  the  country  not  over  three  thousand  miles,  upon 
receipt  of  the  price  in  money  or  postage  stamps. 

Orders  from  the  Trade,  and  all  dealers,  will  be  promptly  answered  at  the 
usual  discount  rates. 

Address, 

oa-KSimith:  &  co., 

312  and  114  WUUam  St.,  N.Y. 


STEEL  E^NcTlfAYINGS, 

rU BUSHED   BY 

OAKSMITH     &    COMPANY. 


PRICES  REDUCED. 

TVe  desire  to  call  the  attention  of  our  friends,  the  public,  and  all  wholesale  and  retail 
rrint-^ellers  to  the  following  valuable  Steel  Engravings,  recently  published  by  us,  and  now 

"'"'"'     THE    LAST    SUPPER. 

A  superior  line  engraving-tlie  flnest  ever  executed  in  this  country— engraved  by  the  late 
celebrated  A.  L.  Dick, from  the  original  of  Raphael  Morghen,  taken  from  the  world  renowned 
painting  by  Leonardo  da  Vinci.     Size  of  plate,  25  by  40  inches.     Price  of  prmts,  $4. 


THE   CITY  OF  THE   GREAT   KING. 

A  fine  line  engraving  of  Modern  Jerusalem,  from  the  celebrated  painting  by  W.  H.  Bartlelt, 
engraved  by  Bannister.     iSize  of  plate,  25  by  39  inches.     Price  of  prints,  $4. 


THE    PALACE    OF    WESTMINSTER. 

A  rich  line  engraving,  of  beautiful  eflect,  of  the  New  Houses  of  Parliament,  London  ;  from 
designs  by  Bartlett  and  Barry,  engraved  by  Bannister.  Size  of  plate,  25  by  39  mches.  Price 
of  prints,  $4. 

SIR  WALTER  SCOTT'S  MONUMENT  AT  EDINBURGH. 

A  splendid  line  engraving,  by  Dick,  from  original  drawings,  of  one  of  the  most  beautiful 
achievements  of  art  of  the  present  century.  Size  of  plate,  25  by  34  inches.  Price  of 
prints,  $3. 

«<^WE    PRAISE    THEE,   OH,   LORD!" 

A  beautiful  mezzotint  and  line  engraving  of  the  "Choristers,"  from  the  great  painting  by 
Barraud.  engraved  by  the  late  A.  L.  Dick,  in  his  finest  style.  Size  of  plate,  21  by  2o  inches. 
Price  of  prints,  $2. 

ROBERT    BURNS. 

An  exquisite  mezzotint  and  line  engraving  of  Scotland's  great  and  humble  bard  from  the 
celebrated  portrait  painted  by  Alexander  Kasmith,  engraved  by  Sadd.  Size  of  plate,  21  by 
25  inches.     Price  of  prints,  $2. 

The  above,  as  works  of  art,  are  intrinsically  valuable,  and  are  believed  to  be  superior  to 
any  other  engravings  of  similar  size  ever  executed  in  tliis  country.  /.  .x'-,-  .ooirDa 

A  LIBERAL  DISCOUNT  MALE  TO  THE  TRADE.  AND  TO  AGENTS  AND  CAN\ASsERb. 

Ajrents  and  Canvassers  Wanted.     Terms  made  known  upon  application. 

We  will  send  any  of  the  above  engravings  by  mail,  on  a  roller,  postage  prepaid  upon  th^ 
receipt  ofihe  nrice,  as  above.  Upon  the  receipt  of  HFTEEN  DOLLARS  we  wiH  send  thk 
WHOLE  of  the  above  Six  Engravings,  on  a  roller,  postage  prepaid,  to  any  pan  ot  tue  LH'iea 
i-tales.  No  one  can  adorn  their  parlor  with  rare  works  of  art  at  a  cheaper  rate  ;  and  take 
them  all  together  they  form  a  more  beautiful  and  valuable  collection  ol  intrinsically  hn© 
pictures  than  were  ever  before  offered  for  the  same  mouey. 

OAKSMITH   &   CO., 

Book,  Periodical  ami  Print  Publishers, 
112  and  114  T?7illiam  Stieet,  New  York. 


